I do not own Harry Potter, the Wizarding World, or any canon characters.
Side Dishes
27th Course – Speaking With Words 9: The Sixth Year Part 1
As per tradition, takes place all over the timeline with the first instance starting at the 113th Course of Taste, after their triumphant return from the Showcase and Harry enjoying his summer.
"Harry, would you do me a favor?"
"Of course Grandfather," Harry said. "What can I do?"
"Would you please summon your Patroni?" Nicolas asked. "I would very much like to examine and observe them. What they did during the Showcase was incredible, especially combining with the Flame Whip and changing the nature of the spell. In all my years, I have never seen a Patroni act like this and would greatly appreciate being able to examine them."
"Oh sure. Actually, I've been wanting to cast the spell too. I'm a little worried about one of them." Harry held up his wand and took a deep breath, thinking about the end of the Showcase. His wand warmed in his hand and magical pressure grew in his chest before flowing down his arm. Light collected into the end of the wand and after a brilliant flash, three snowy owl Patroni flapped daintily to land in front of him.
"You're okay!" Harry exclaimed, examining them closely. "I was worried you'd be hurt or something from the spell that Draco hit you with."
The three Patroni cheeped and cooed lovingly at him, swarming him and nuzzling him, tugging on his hair. They bowed respectfully to Hedwig who sat on a roost beside Harry and she nodded back warmly.
"Hello Magical Me's," she hooted.
"Extraordinary!" Nicolas examined them closely, writing things down into a notebook. He walked around them as they fluttered and flapped about, taking intricate notes and making small measurements with a measuring tape that acted on its own accord.
"I don't really make them do anything," Harry said, watching him. "But want me to ask?"
"No thank you, I want to observe them acting as naturally as they do," Nicolas said, scribbling away happily.
After some time, the three Patroni noticed that Nicolas was watching them closely. They looked at each other and then looked at Hedwig.
"He's odd like that," Hedwig shrugged.
Finally, the largest of the Patroni waddled in front of Nicolas and stared back boldly, argent eyes peering with a critical air. The other two stared with her and the trio stared at Nicolas, as if waiting for him to do something.
"What are they doing?" Nicolas asked, not breaking eye contact.
"It looks like a staring contest," Harry said slowly.
"Challenge accepted!" Nicolas set his things aside without looking away and leaned on the table, staring back at the Patronus.
"Oh this will be good," Hedwig snickered.
-0-
"I really should get used to being surprised like this," Andromeda said, walking into the kitchen. "And yet, I still get surprised. How nice. You know, I was terribly worried that I would be bored when Dora grew up and left home. Aside from being worried about her occupation of course. But I am more than happy to say that my fears were unfounded with you and Sirius in my life."
"Happy to help," Harry smiled and returned her enthusiastic hug.
"So, what is going on?" she asked, sitting at the counter and looking over at the strange scene. Nicolas was leaning over slightly and standing eye-to-eye with one of the snowy owl Patroni. She was staring back at him with direct eye contact and their faces were very close to each other. The other two Patroni were sitting to one side and looking back and forth between like watchers at a tennis match and Hedwig was sitting on a roost, looking deeply amused.
"For an allegedly intelligent person, he's thick," Hedwig hooted.
"Grandfather asked me to cast the charm so he could inspect them. He was really impressed with the way they combined with the Flame Whip," Harry said, also looking amused. "I was a little worried. I hadn't cast it since the duel and one was blasted out of the air. Thankfully they're all fine. I asked if he wanted me to direct them or something and he said no, that he wanted to watch them in their natural environment."
He shook his head and went back to cutting vegetables. "They flew about a little before they noticed him staring at them. So they decided to stare back and it became a staring contest. He's challenged each of them so far and that's the last one. He lost the other two contests."
"At least he does not look put out about it," Andromeda smiled. "How was Thalga? Thank you so much for the plates and bowls and light by the way. You are right, they will be wonderful surfaces to prepare my enchanting things on."
"You're welcome! It was really cool. I thought it would be too dark but between the SunDrop and my darkglass glasses, it was fine. The darker places needed my darklight but that was fine. I forgot to change my glasses though when I got back to the surface and the sensitive darkglass glasses magnified the light by so much," Harry laughed. "Gave me a headache. They're like, reverse sunglasses."
"Sounds wonderful," Andromeda smiled after Harry shared more details about the trip.
"I was a little worried it might be claustrophobic down there," Harry said softly, "but it really wasn't, thank goodness. And Chef's family is super nice. I don't think Cuttlyr likes me all that much though."
"What?! Well I don't like this Cuttlyr then!" Hedwig barked with irritation.
"From what you have said, I think he might see you as a potential rival, since you are both cooks and chefs," Andromeda said soothingly. "And Chef Diglin might be using you as a goad of sorts, to try and get his son to improve."
"He practically hinted at that," Harry nodded. "I don't understand though. Why wouldn't Cuttlyr want to learn from his father?"
"Sometimes one chafes under the attention of an older family member," Andromeda said. "They want to break free from past observation."
"Oh, I guess that makes sense." Harry shrugged a little. "I would love to learn from my parents though, and I love learning from you all."
"That is because you are very smart and have a big heart," she praised, hugging him.
Perenelle came in and greeted Andromeda warmly and kissed and hugged Harry. She looked over at her husband and the Patroni and snorted. "How long has that been going on?"
"About seven minutes now," Harry said, looking at the clock.
"You do know that the Patroni do not have corneas technically?" she asked in a very condescending tone. "Therefore they do not feel the need to blink because they do not dry out."
"Drat." Nicolas blinked and the three Patroni cheered and started dancing, kicking their legs up and down with their wings out, giggling mightily. "I should have thought of that."
Hedwig fluttered to Harry and nipped his wrist gently and made an odd pecking motion. "Chick, put some crackers on the table please."
"Really?" Harry groaned.
Hedwig nodded, looking at him with very large amber eyes. "Yes please! He needs to learn his place."
He sighed and gave Nicolas a sheepish look while walking to the pantry. He came back with a few crackers that he crumbled onto the counter top. Hedwig walked over but not in a way she normally did. It was a very jerky walk and she bobbed her head up and down and back and forth. Somehow, she managed to have her eyes look in two different directions and she pecked at the crackers, cooing loudly.
"Look at me! I invent many things and many fear me but I'm a big idiot!
"What is she doing?" Nicolas asked, staring at her.
Harry sighed. "She's pretending to be a pigeon."
"Why is she doing that?" Andromeda asked.
"She thinks pigeons are really dumb," Harry sighed.
"Are you calling me dumb?!" Nicolas gasped, looking affronted.
"Well what do you think?" Hedwig nodded, bobbing her head dramatically and cooing through a beak full of cracker. The Patroni giggled and started mimicking her and the quartet started hooting with glee at Nicolas' expression.
"Bwahaha! Suffer the indignity of your stupidity!"
"Well, I suppose that is fair," Nicolas sniffed. He gave her a look. "You know, I have visited the taiga and tundra of Russia and Canada before. I have seen many snowy owls. I do believe I have seen prettier feathers on them."
Hedwig and the Patroni hissed angrily. "Oh you do NOT want to go there!"
"Oh yes," Nicolas continued, as if unnoticing or uncaring of their reaction. "Beautiful snow-white feathers with even softer dispositions. Poor Harry, having such a…plebian companion in both feather and temperament."
"WHAT?! Oh you bastard! I am the BEST COMPANION for MY CHICK!" Hedwig gasped audibly and the Patroni hissed even louder. With a furious expression, Hedwig flew to the bread box and flipped the lid open, fishing out a slice. She flew back to the counter and glared at Nicolas while munching on it. She did so in an exaggerated fashion that involved emphatic waggling of her tail feathers from side to side. She also made a strange warking noise as she munched on the bread messily.
"I'm a big duck! I like to quack and make noises because I'm a duck and like a duck, I'm a QUACK!"
"Oh Hedwig," Harry sighed. "She's-"
"No I can figure it out," Nicolas said, glaring down at Hedwig. He stared for a moment. "Are you being a duck?" He gasped, deeply insulted. "Are you calling me a quack?!"
"QUACK QUACK QUACK said the French duck!" Hedwig warked at him emphatically and the Patroni took up the call.
"I have dueled over less!" Nicolas shouted.
"It's true, he has," Perenelle laughed, deeply amused by everything.
"Bring it on!"
"Such a clever bird," Nicolas said, giving Hedwig a look. He reached into his robe pocket and pulled out a white glove and threw it down in front of Hedwig. "Do you understand this?!"
Hedwig did in fact understand it and she picked up the glove in her beak and flew to Nicolas. She jerked her head to the side, swinging the glove around, and slapped Nicolas firmly across the cheek with it. She then left it on his head and flew off. "You don't scare me! Let me get Chick's cane. It'll be a joy to whip you with your own invention!"
"Accept my challenge and then fly off? I thought you an owl, not a chicken!" Nicolas shouted, rubbing his cheek and putting the glove away.
"You challenged an owl to a duel," Andromeda said, unable to stop herself from laughing
"I was insulted! Also we know how capable she is," Nicolas sniffed.
Hedwig flew back into the kitchen, holding Harry's cane in her talons. She saluted with it, swinging it around in a businesslike fashion, barking at Nicolas. "Let's do this proper-like and so you won't have a leg to stand on when you lose! Also I'm taking those legs!"
"Ah! I accept!" Nicolas snapped his fingers and his cane flew to his hand. He stood at the ready, rolling it in one hand and also saluted with it. "En garde!"
"En garde!" Hedwig lunged forward and struck out with the cane and Nicolas slapped the point aside with a parry. He took a half step forward, probing with his cane and Hedwig darted back and forth, smacking his cane out of line before jabbing with hers. They went back and forth, the canes clacking against one another. The Patroni cheered for her, jumping up and down and flapping their wings.
"She's fencing," Andromeda said, eyes wide. "She's actually fencing. How does she know how to fence?"
"Honestly, I've stopped questioning how she knows to do things and just accepts she does," Harry sighed. "Be careful you two!" he shouted.
After some back and forth, Perenelle blew on a silver whistle she conjured and held her wand up, the tip emitting white light and she pointed it at Hedwig. "Point, Hedwig!"
"What?" Nicolas cried as Hedwig barked and the Patroni danced, waggling their rears at Nicolas.
"Like everything else, I'm the best at fencing! Take that Frenchie!"
"She got you here," Perenelle said, tapping her shoulder.
"Ah, very well. Again!" Nicolas and Hedwig continued to fence, going back and forth before Perenelle blew the whistle again and her wand was blue.
"Point, Nicolas!" She smiled at the look Hedwig gave her. "He got you here," Perenelle said, pointing at her waist on the left side. "A graze, but a touch."
"Hey now," Harry said when the Patroni hissed and booed. "If we celebrate one, we should celebrate the other. We're family and it's sporting."
The three Patroni looked at each other for a moment before they stood at polite attention. They clapped politely and genteelly, holding their left wings out and backside up and clapping the top with the right wings, like one did at a polite golf game.
"Thank you, girls," Harry smiled and they cheeped lovingly at him.
The duel continued and it ended in a draw, with Nicolas receiving a thwap to the head and Hedwig enduring a chest poke. He rubbed his head ruefully. "A draw?"
Hedwig huffed. "A draw."
They mutually agreed to a draw and the Patroni cheered and congratulated Hedwig warmly and Nicolas politely before fading away with warm barks and winks.
"That was invigorating," Nicolas said, drinking from a glass of water that Harry gave him. "I have missed fencing. I foresee us doing that more and I will make you some proper gear," he said to Hedwig. He sighed when Harry gave him a look. "I apologize for my unwarranted remarks. Your feathers are very lovely and you have a very good personality. Harry is not poor in companion at all."
Hedwig fluffed up at that but also sighed when Harry looked down at her. She hooted a few times at Nicolas, looking somewhat contrite. "You're not a complete duck and you do invent nice things and are very smart. Also you love Chick too so there's that."
"I will accept, thank you. And in fact, I will run home briefly to bring things to start work on some proper gear. I need to repair mine and I assume yours as well?" He nodded when Perenelle did and started to leave.
Perenelle clicked her tongue softly a few times and she picked up the end of a chopped carrot. She waggled it at Hedwig and tossed it at her. Hedwig watched it fly to her and kicked it hard with accuracy. The carrot top flew through the air and hit Nicolas squarely in the back of the head. When Nicolas spun around, Perenelle was looking away, drinking from a teacup while Hedwig had turned back to Harry and buried her face into his chest. Nicolas looked deeply confused and rubbed at the spot of carrot impact before he left the kitchen.
"That wasn't really mature," Harry said with an enormous smile as Andromeda laughed and Hedwig and Perenelle giggled.
"Neither is your grandfather," Perenelle smiled.
"Praise me for my good kick! Also I hit a moving target with a carrot top! That's not easy!"
-0-
Towards the end, Lavender gave him a small box. "And this is for you," she said, eyes bright and merry.
Harry opened it and looked at the small gold necklace that sat within the box. It was bright and shiny with well-made links and there was a pair of words dangling from it, also made of gold. "Hare Bear?" he read.
Lavender nodded. "I got it special for you."
"Thanks!" Harry began to put it on and then laughter broke out with some of his friends groaning. "What?" He looked at them confusedly.
"I knew he'd wear it without saying anything!" Parvati crowed. "Pay up!"
"I thought you would refuse," Ron groaned.
Lavender was giggling fit to burst. "I'm really flattered you would wear something like that but I won't do that to you!" She waved her wand and the words changed into a charm: a crossed knife and fork.
"Oh that's really nice too," Harry said, smiling with pink cheeks. "I really like it," he said and put on the necklace.
"But hey, now you know what Harry will wear," Sue laughed.
"You just need something sweet and sappy to call Lavender and put it on a necklace," Hermione said with a smile.
"Please don't call her Lav-Lav," Padma snorted.
"Harry no," Pansy said, smiling but firm. "We can help you get something appropriate and elegant, befitting her better."
"Whew, I have nothing to worry about," Harry said with relief, making everyone laugh more. He smiled. "Then again, I had Hedwig help me for our first date and she did great."
Hedwig nodded emphatically before looking up at Pansy and gave her a superior look and smirk. "You might call yourself Chick's best friend but we all know that there are degrees of best and who's the top of the pecking order, now don't we?"
"Aww, what did she do?" Millicent asked.
"Got me a harebell to give to Lavender."
"I still have it," Lavender smiled. "I pressed it and dried it and it's in my favorite book." Her smile grew when Hedwig flew around the rooftop garden and came back with a brilliant red poppy flower. She took it from Harry after the owl gave it to him. "Thank you, Hedwig," she said and slipped it behind an ear and kissed Hedwig on the head.
"It's only right since you give me so many pretty accessories."
-0-
"Oh I'm the best owl, that ever did owl,
I soar high, very fair and never fowl,
For my Chick, none can beat,
So give me lots of cuddles and treats!"
He could hear her before he saw her. Harry opened the kitchen door with a flick of his wand and Hedwig came soaring in, barking a victory song. She flew about the room a few times before landing in front of him, looking plump and smug.
"Hi Chick! I have post. Looks important."
"Hi girl," Harry smiled. "You have something for me?" He took the envelope from her as she nodded. "Whoa, wait, how did you get this?!" he gasped, looking at the official seal on the envelope.
Hedwig barked and made grasping motions with her talons and flapped her wings. "I was flying home and noticed the other owl coming here. Felt your name on the envelope so I had him drop it so I can bring it to you. I'm your post owl after all and I deliver your post."
"You took it from the other owl?" he groaned. "Is the other owl okay?"
Hedwig nodded. She hopped from one foot to the other and pecked the ground, opening and closing her beak. "He's fine. Seen him before actually. Think it's the same from your second year. Didn't even question me and just dropped it for me. Didn't have to pluck a feather this time."
"Oh you had them drop it and you finished the delivery. That's good. Thanks!" He rubbed her head and she nibbled on his fingers lovingly.
"You're welcome! I love you!"
Remus smiled at the exchange before looking at the envelope. "O.W.L.s results? Do you want some privacy?"
"I'm going to tell you soon anyways," Harry smiled. His hands shook a little as he opened the envelope and took out the parchment within, eyes scanning the page rapidly. "I did good!" he said with relief and Hedwig hooted happily. "Acceptable on History, Outstanding on Charms, Potions, and Care, and Exceeds Expectations on everything else!"
"Congratulations!" Remus high-fived him and hugged him tightly while Hedwig flew around the room hooting with glee. "Excellent work! I'm so proud of you!"
"My Chick is so smart and the best! All hear my song and marvel at the wonder that is my Chick!"
-0-
"We may need to factor in the time now," Pansy sighed. "We're not going to have as easy of a time in the next two years."
"Why? I know N.E.W.T.s are harder but are they that bad?" Sue asked.
"No, she's talking about the invasion of the younger sib monsters," Millicent said mournfully. "My brothers and her sister are coming this year."
"And mine," Lavender groaned.
"Ivaan too, and he's annoying," Parvati said and she and Padma made identical faces.
"They're not that bad," Harry said easily.
"Well you don't live with them," Millicent snorted.
"Actually, they do seem to listen to Harry more than us," Pansy said. "Aster thinks you are very cool."
"My sisters love you," Lavender smiled.
"Then you get to wrangle them," Millicent said.
"Hedwig will help me," Harry said, rubbing Hedwig's belly. Hedwig nodded and clacked her beak in a business-like fashion.
"The fledglings will listen and if they don't, they'll get what's coming to them."
"Poor things," Pansy sighed. "But they deserve it."
-0-
He blinked when the cage door was kicked cleanly off the hinges, flying off into the compartment and Hedwig climbed out, looking very pleased with herself. "Wow, you've gotten a lot stronger. Then again, all that fencing probably helped you there."
"I'm even better than before! Also yes, the fencing did improve my grip strength and accuracy. Very handy that. Wish we could bring my sword though. Oh well, have to make compromises."
She giggled as she retrieved the door, dropping it in his hands and she continued to giggle as Harry mended it with a spell. She sat on his head and fluffed up, playfully tugging on his hair. "You know, I used to take it personally that your hair refuses to listen. But now it's just a fun challenge and a part of your charm."
-0-
"I was looking forward to forgetting things," Luna pouted.
"I forget things all the time," Blaise said as he continued to write.
"That explains a lot," Astoria said primly.
"I wish I could forget about you," Blaise continued. "But the trauma you have inflicted is irreversible. Permanent does not nearly describe what you have done."
"I'm going to cut up your wardrobe soon and enjoy every second," Astoria growled.
"I am a prefect you know," Blaise frowned at her.
"And?" Astoria retorted.
"Tori, don't mess with his clothes," Pansy said, also writing. "Because he won't shut up about it on patrols and I'm not dealing with it."
"I'll just pay Lavender to make me new ones," Blaise sniffed.
"I would like the extra money," Lavender hummed.
"Harry doesn't let you dress him up?" Padma smiled.
"I haven't tried much to be honest! Though he does love the bandannas and aprons. I love dressing Hedwig up though." Lavender finished stitching the end of a ribbon and tied it around a small straw hat she had woven and braided by hand. She put it on Hedwig's head. "There!"
Hedwig looked at herself in the mirror with her small straw hat and she cheeped happily, fluffing up and looking proudly at it. She nuzzled Lavender's hand and fluttered to her head, plumping down and hooting with delight. "You are so talented! Thank you! I love it! Your wonderful accessories highlight my natural features and make me a paragon of beauty."
"Gosh she looks adorable," Millicent admired. "Can you make some ribbons for Sunny?"
"Sure!"
"I wish Crookshanks likes wearing things but he gets so very grumpy," Hermione sighed.
"Hedwig loves her accessories," Harry smiled as he walked into the Uncommon Room. "She actually has her own trunk that fits in mine that's only her things."
"Wow, spoiled much?" Parvati asked before yelping when Hedwig pecked her.
"No! I earn my things thank you! And I've seen the stuff you cram into your trunk. You don't get to call me out at all!"
-0-0-0-
shroudy9 - Thank you.
HoneyBear84 - Nope, Hedwig committed and solved the perfect crime.
Hands Off MY Wolfie - So funny enough, I recently finished a more serious mystery style fic and then got the idea for a more humorous version in the noir style and it inspired me to write this chapter. I'm glad others liked it as much as they did because I was rather proud of it. She did a bit of sleep snacking, perfectly reasonable for her. Thanks for reading.
alix33 - Snacking bacon is always a good thing to have.
DOOOOOM Lord of Waffles - Glad you enjoyed it.
Arnie1701 - Nope, she cannot be.
odonellzoo99 - Sam Spade or Tracer Bullet, either or. I'm glad you liked that line. That was one of my favorites.
l4w - Glad you enjoyed, thank you.
TheSphynx - You mean very awesome and only a little terrifying.
tumshie - Thank you.
poka - Glad you liked it, it was fun to write. I'm glad you enjoyed Grumpledore and her calling Albus Old Man again. Nope, Fawkes wouldn't steal from her. He knows better than to do that. Just Hedwig being awesome in all sorts of ways.