I do not own Harry Potter, the Wizarding World, or any canon characters. I also do not own anything Disney related.
I wrote this course many weeks ago and have been eagerly waiting to share it with you all. The ending bit was one of my favorite endings I have done in a very long time and hope you enjoy it as much I did writing it.
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Side Dishes
41st Course – Speaking With Words 15: The Seventh Year Part 3
As per tradition, takes place all over the timeline with the first instance starting at the 144th course of Taste, right after Harry won the first challenge of the Rising Stars and the slander opinion piece by Banters was printed.
Even though post owls were a longstanding tradition for Wizarding Britain, there were some parts of it that were not completely understood, even by experts in the field. How it normally worked was that people could go to their local post office, if they did not have their own owl, and then mail post using one of the owls that worked for or lived at the post office. The owl would then fly to the recipient or the recipient's address to deliver the post.
Like many people, the talent and the abilities of the post owl mattered in many ways. Any post owl could eventually find an address if they were told the address in person. Some looked at maps and could read them like people do and would find their way that way. Some could even find the individual and would go to them even if they were not at the given address. It was theorized that some owls were so sensitive to magical signatures and the like, they could find the individual that way. Not many could do that however, it was a specific talent that was rare.
A known and accepted fact was that the more time an owl spent with a person, the easier it was for that owl to find them. Familiarity and closeness were very important in that regard. In time, such familiarity could also be a call of sorts for a post owl. The owl could even show up when it felt like it was needed or wanted, ready to do their duty. This was an incredibly rare ability for an owl and was well prized. If that sense was expanded to other individuals, the owl could then even be summoned or called for in a way.
Hedwig was so familiar with Harry, in many ways, that not only could she know when he wanted her, she could sometimes feel when he was being the recipient of some post. She cultivated that sense well and had intercepted other owls in flight so that she could finish the delivery for them and take the item to Harry. Some owls at first tried to dissuade her, seeing it as their own duty and pride, but all learned it was better to cooperate with her.
With such a heightened and well-nurtured sense, Hedwig flew out in the very early morning and arrived at a nice flat in London. She landed on the window sill and peered inside. She had delivered things here before, it being the flat for Rita, and in a moment, the window was opened and she hopped inside. "Morning," Hedwig hooted. "You summoned?" Hedwig tilted her head and narrowed an eye. "You looked peeved. Haven't had your coffee yet?"
"Morning Hedwig." Rita did indeed look very irritated, eyes already glittering from anger and malice and a desire to do harm. "I need you to take this to Harry for me." She held up an envelope. "It's in response to the bloody awful piece of shite that was printed this morning."
"What was printed?" Hedwig hopped over to the table and looked down at the newspaper that was splayed out. She read swiftly, feathers mantling as her own ire was stoked. "Who the fuck is this bastard and where is he?! I'm going to make him eat his quills so he can shit out better articles!"
"Right?" Rita said, recognizing Hedwig's angry barking. "Banters was always B-level in writing and he thinks just because I haven't written a burn piece in a while, he can do them now. Well he's about to learn that I didn't stop because I couldn't write them anymore, I stopped because I was enjoying myself writing for the magazine and cooking and other things. If he wants to play in my field, he's going to learn a harsh lesson."
"Good! You tear down his reputation and his confidence and I'll tear out his fingers!" Hedwig growled.
"I'm writing my reply now and it's going to be printed tomorrow," Rita said. "But I know Harry's going to take this hard so take my letter to him please. I'm going to handle this the best way that Rita Skeeter knows how: by writing things my way."
"I'll comfort Chick and let him know. Thank you, Rita. You're a good person." Hedwig bobbed her head at Rita and flew away with the letter.
Rita watched Hedwig go and sat down at her desk, quill in hand. "You want to play, Banters? Okay, let's play," she said savagely. "You're in my realm now and you're going to learn why Rita was at the top for a very long time and no one does it like Rita does."
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"What do we do?" Divya asked, looking at all the older students.
"We try to ignore the stupidity," Pansy said firmly. "Go about our business with heads high. And if anyone tries to bother Harry or us about this, put it down, with extreme prejudice."
"Are you sure you should be saying that as a Senior Prefect and in front of the Head Girl and Head Boy?" Tracey asked, her smile a bit sly.
"One could argue that doing so would be putting the school's environment first and making things cordial," Pansy said, looking at Hermione.
"And you said it meaning we didn't, giving us deniability," Hermione said prosaically. "I agree with you completely though, on both counts."
"Same," Neville nodded.
"Wow, you really are having a good influence on her," Parvati said brightly, winking at Hermione.
"I try," Tracey said gustily and hugged her girlfriend who rolled her eyes at them, much to shared amusement.
The window opened and Hedwig came swooping in. She flew around the room once before landing on Harry's lap, cooing gently. "Hi everyone, hi Chick. I bring glad tidings of revenge and destruction from Rita!" He took the letter from her and smiled as she nuzzled his cheek before headbutting him and then sitting on his head, hooting warmly. "Oh I can't wait. She has a lovely way with words and I bet it's going to be incredible."
"I wonder who sent me something so early," he said and opened the envelope.
"Good," Lavender said with a near savage smile as she read over his shoulder.
"What is it?" Padma asked.
"It's from Rita," Lavender said, taking the letter from Harry when he gave it to her. "She says, 'Don't worry dove, Rita's handling this'."
"Now you will see why Rita made a reputation that we so rightly feared for a very long time," Pansy said with a very large smile.
Millicent chuckled darkly and rubbed her hands together. "This is going to be good. It's like when your parents yell at your sibs. You get to enjoy the show without any worry about being the target."
"She's not wrong," Owen and Nathan said together.
"Want to just stay in bed?" Parvati asked Harry. "Or go to the Infirmary? We can tell the teachers and I bet you won't get into trouble."
"Thanks, but I'm okay," he said. He grinned at their looks. "No really, I'm okay to go to class. Might be nice to forget about the other stuff with schoolwork."
"Of course you two ruined him into thinking school is fun," Parvati sighed before she shrieked when Padma kicked her and Hermione pushed her. "Abuse of authority!"
"You're also authority!" Padma shouted back.
"But you're my seniors so it makes it worse!" Parvati cried. "Harry! Protect me!"
Harry laughed for the first time that day and he did feel just a little bit better.
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The next morning, Hedwig was back at Rita's flat. She bobbed her head when Rita opened the window for her. "Morning. How was the revenge? Was it tasty and delicious and satisfying?"
Rita smiled broadly, seeing Hedwig's eagerness. "Some of my finest work, ever," Rita said with satisfaction. "Give it a quick read before I send it off with you back to Harry."
Hedwig read it and almost fell over laughing. "Brilliant! I love it! I wish I could see his stupid face when he reads it! I'm glad you're friends with Chick now. This is lovely!" She continued to giggle as Rita rolled the newspaper up and put it in a tube and gave it to Hedwig.
"Give him a nuzzle for me!" Rita smiled as Hedwig flew off.
"I will!"
Rita watched Hedwig fly away with satisfaction and she decided it was time to take a victory nap before going on with her day.
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"One of my favorite things about being your sib, get to enjoy the benefits of the elves loving you," Parvati smiled. "Hey!" she gasped as the food she reached for disappeared and reappeared out of arm's reach. "Inky!"
"It's been a while since that happened," Lavender laughed. "It was the biscuits, right? When you thought they stole the recipe?"
"I was kidding!" Parvati squawked. She huffed when a single rasher of bacon appeared on her plate. More food appeared as Harry and the others laughed.
The owls arrived as more of the students came to breakfast. The air was filled with flapping wings and hoots and barks as the usual morning melee happened. Owls flew around each other and looked for their recipients of their post, gliding down with different degrees of grace.
Hedwig came swooping in, neatly dodging other owls and gracefully came to a landing in front of Harry. She barked a greeting to the others and nuzzled Harry sweetly before depositing the wrapped tube she carried in front of him. "Hi Chick! You're going to love this! It's so good!"
"Thanks Hedwig," Harry smiled, kissing her back after she bonked her head against his. He fed her some bacon and opened the tube. "A bit early for the magazine I think. Oh, it's a copy of the paper." He gave the rolled paper a look and gave it to Pansy. "Mind reading it first and then giving me a synopsis?"
"After all the times you do that for me for school work, never," Pansy smiled making Hermione and Daphne and Padma groan. She took a sip of her juice as she opened the newspaper and as she read the title of the front article, her eyes went wide and she turned her head and spat the juice out, spraying Aster in the face.
"EW! WHY?!" Aster shrieked and smacked her older sister while half of them laughed at the suddenness and the incident while others goggled and stared.
"Wow, that was a great spit take," Hedwig cheeped as she chewed her bacon.
"I'm sorry!" Pansy took her napkin and wiped Aster dry, juice still dripping from the corners of her mouth. "I was so surprised by the title and wanted to spare the paper!"
"Oh dear Merlin did they really print that title?!" Daphne gasped, looking at it.
"What does it say?!" Sue asked from farther away.
Pansy cleared her throat and started to read out loud, her voice trembling from restrained amusement as she read.
Brandon Banters is a bloody idiot.
You read that correctly, dear readers of the Daily Prophet.
I, Rita Skeeter, writer and journalist extraordinaire, wanted to do my due diligence and inform the readers that Brandon Banters is a bloody blundering buggering idiot and wouldn't know quality if it bit him on the bum.
Yesterday, there was a travesty of an article printed and it was an affront to eyes and anyone with the curse of literacy, and yes while it is an opinion, the opinion is so laughably obtuse, a protractor would be insufficient to measure it.
For those of you who do not know, a protractor is a tool used to measure angles. A little bit of knowledge to enrich your day.
I digress.
Yesterday's 'article' called into question one Harry Potter, with no need for titles, and his performance at the Rising Stars competition for the World's Kitchen. It claimed that Mister Potter had somehow failed to uphold the ideals of Wizarding Britain and let the people down because the young chef had cooked goblin food and presented it proudly.
And he should be proud! I was there and I have had the immense honor of eating Chef Potter's cooking on multiple occasions and it is food to make others die over. It is food that is warm, delicious, and kind. It tastes good, and nothing more about it needs to be said but I will say many more about it as time and occasion allows.
And I am not the only person who thinks so because, as Banters barely reported, Chef Potter won the event with his cooking. And Banters then tried to denigrate Harry Potter, a proper citizen and member of Wizarding Britain I might add, by downplaying his achievements that helped put us back on the map to the International Community. Mister Potter was instrumental in representing Hogwarts in the TriWizard Tournament for the extracurricular contests, and was the representative for the school at the International Scholastic Showcase.
The first one we were invited to in near a century I might add. A detail that Banters blathered over.
Not only did Banters see fit to insult a young man who is doing his best competing against chefs older and more experienced than him, he also decided to call into question the actions of other members of Wizarding Britain, the goblins and Gringotts in general. I do not know why he saw fit to do so, perhaps he doesn't like gold, which would be a lie because we all know that he wrote yesterday's drivel for the gold.
Gringotts Britain and the goblins who work and live in the United Kingdom are citizens of Magical Britain. I looked that up. It is a pity that Banters did not do the basic diligence a writer and journalist should do. And if he did, perhaps he would have seen that it is generally thought that a proper British Magical typically attends Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry or is homeschooled or tutored by private tutors. Also in the past, there were smaller institutions for education that are just as qualified.
Brandon Banters attended Beauxbatons and while I have nothing against the school, it shows where his true loyalties lie, perhaps.
I also did a bit of digging and discovered that Brandon allegedly-British Banters was in fact, born outside of the United Kingdom. He and his family came to Britain when he was young and became citizens here, which he then showed solidarity by then pursuing his education elsewhere.
Not that I am against immigrants of course. Many fine citizens and members of Wizarding Britain had rich histories of living elsewhere before calling Britain their home. It is the hypocrisy that I am having a problem with.
I, for one, am surprised that Banters even recalled what happened at the competition. He was so engrossed by the French journalists, he barely paid attention to the event at all. In fact, I must applaud his bravery in being in a kitchen. Since he is naught but a cabbage with ears and a mouth, it must be something like a horror show for him to be in a kitchen and watch his kind be chopped up into pieces, cooked, and then consumed. But perhaps that is why he is able to ignore things due to his stunning obliviousness and obvious blindness.
In conclusion, it is my robust opinion that of the two called into question about upholding British ideals, Harry Potter and Brandon Banters, it is the latter that is found wanting. Harry Potter continues to work hard and to be a perfect gentleman and I continue to support his efforts in bringing Wizarding Britain forward by showing the world what a real British citizen and magical can do.
And if anyone thinks I have written anything wrong here, even my opinion, you know how to find me. Rather. I know how to find you.
Sincerely written by the ever-hungry, both journalistically and literally,
Rita Skeeter, journalist, magazine writer, and budding gourwomand.
Harry blinked as his friends were in different states of hilarity, some howling and cackling with laughter and others slumped on the table or against one another, lost in their glee. "Wow, yeah, you weren't kidding," he said slowly.
"She's very good at her job," Hedwig said admiringly.
-0-
"How are you feeling?" Lavender asked softly.
Harry's smile was small but it was there. "I'm feeling okay, thank you." He finished filling the containers with the food he prepared. It was Halloween once more and he was going to visit his parents again. He had made the stew and the tiramisu again and was carefully sealing the containers to prevent any spilling.
"I can still come if you want me to," she said.
"I appreciate the offer but it's okay, really. You have a lot to do for your projects and I won't be there too long this time," he said kindly. "It'll be Sirius and Remus and I for a short while and then Remus and I will be back."
"Okay," Lavender said. She hugged him tightly. "I'm sorry. If I was more on top of things, I'd be free to come."
"Don't be sorry," he said back, soothing her. "It's really fine." He finished packing everything and took the small piece of embroidery that Lavender had made for him to take. With another hug and a kiss, he left the Uncommon Room with Hedwig sitting on his shoulder. He met Remus and Sirius at Remus' office and the three men and the owl left together, arriving at Godric's Hollow.
They did not say much during the trip and the visit, all of them wrestling with their own thoughts and feelings. They tided up the site around the stones and after a few words from the older men, they left Harry and Hedwig to have a few moments alone. Harry set the containers down in front of the headstone with the piece of embroidery and sat down, marshalling his thoughts.
"Hi," he said at last. "A lot's happened since the last time I came. I'm competing in a cooking competition, can you believe it? I still can't sometimes and I've been in it for a while now. I can still remember when people thought liking cooking was weird but now it's really popular."
A small smile appeared on his lips. "I mean, it's kinda cool that it is. Really cool if I'm being honest. It's amazing what can change in only a few years."
He sighed and looked at the names of his parents, etched into the stone. His gaze fell on the containers, at the food that sat within. "I hope it isn't weird that I'm doing this," he said. "I've learned in Japan, they make food offerings to their ancestors, like how Sue said they did in other parts of Asia. I know I did this last year and well, I don't know what happened and I don't know if it will happen again."
I don't know if I even want it to happen again.
He stared at the food for long moments, waiting and thinking and wanting. He sighed softly and closed his eyes, feeling a pressure behind the closed eyelids. As he wiped at them, he felt Hedwig rustle against his face and when he opened his eyes, he blinked several times. The containers were empty, and completely and utterly clean.
Just like last year.
He looked around, seeing no one near, not even Sirius and Remus. The men were facing away and talking softly to one another at the edge of the cemetery. Harry looked all around before he picked up the containers. The one that held the stew was still warm, the one that held the tiramisu was still ice cold. The interiors were completely clean and dry, not a speck of food remaining.
He turned his head to look at Hedwig who looked unbothered in the slightest. "These had food in them, right?"
Hedwig nodded. "They did. And like last time, they were warmly and lovingly accepted."
"I'm not going mad, am I?"
She shook her head. "Not at all! You're still a very sweet and sane chick."
He looked back at the gravestone and after a moment, smiled. He felt a little better and carefully closed the containers and climbed to his feet. "I'm glad you like it," he said. "Maybe I'll bring something different next time." He pressed his head against the cold stone that warmed rapidly against his skin. "I love you," he whispered. "I'll try my best at the competition."
As he walked away, he sighed but smiled when Hedwig flopped over his head, draping herself over him. He felt the barest whisper of something grazing his skin, across his shoulders and the back of his neck. He did not feel the need to shiver, thinking it was Hedwig's feathers tickling him. Feeling inexplicably better, he greeted Sirius and Remus who turned and smiled sadly at him.
"Ready to go?" Sirius asked.
"Yeah," Harry said. "After school, I can come whenever I want, right?"
"Of course," Remus said softly. "Whenever and as often as you like."
"I'm sure they'd love your visits," Sirius said warmly. "But I don't think they'd want you to feel like you have to. You can honor them wherever you are. They're with you wherever you are." He touched Harry's chest. "Right here."
Harry took a deep breath and nodded. "That's good. Thanks."
"Of course," Sirius and Remus said together. They started walking away together.
"Do you feel like they're with you too?" Harry asked.
"Sure do, all the time," Sirius said. He started to chuckle. "Just, not in my heart per se."
"Oh I know what you're about to say," Remus said, also starting to chuckle.
"Please tell me," Harry said eagerly.
"Well, when your parents were still during their 'I hate you' phase," Sirius said, starting to snicker, "one time your mum got your dad right in the arse with a hex. Right in the middle of the left cheek. He then said he always knew she was a pain in the arse."
"Really?" Harry gasped, feeling delighted and appalled all in one.
"Really! He kept whinging about it and I said it couldn't be as bad as he was going on about," Sirius chortled. "Then this one went and blabbed about what I said to her." He shoved Remus with one arm, sending him stumbling.
"Unlike Sirius and James, Lily and I were good friends from near the beginning," Remus said, shoving Sirius back and sending him careening into a tree. "And I asked Lily what the hex was because I was curious and I happened to mention Sirius' words."
"So she decided to demonstrate by hexing me right in the arse too," Sirius said, brushing bark and leaves off of him. He smiled as Remus and Harry and Hedwig laughed out loud. "Same damn spot even. She then crossed her arms and looked all superiorly at me and asked what I thought."
"And?" Harry asked, laughing.
"I said I had bigger pains in my arse than her and James was a whiny little prat," Sirius said proudly.
"Which she reacted by hexing him again in the other arse cheek," Remus said, his smile from ear to ear.
"Oh no, really?!" Harry asked, laughing so hard he had to be steadied by Remus and he caught a cackling Hedwig that lost her grip from laughing, hugging her to him.
"Yeah! The nerve, right?" Sirius said, shaking his head. "I couldn't sit properly for a few days. It was really annoying."
"Couldn't Madam Pomfrey fix it?" Harry asked.
"She could have," Sirius grumbled. "But she said something about us deserving it and it wasn't life threatening and it was really funny and something that sounded like comeuppance and all that nonsense." He grinned as Harry and Remus howled with laughter. "You look so much like both of them when you laugh like that," he said, tousling Harry's hair. "It does me good to see it," he added fondly.
"Me too," Remus said, wiping tears of merriment away.
"Sometimes when I get some pain back there or sit on something I shouldn't, it reminds me of it," Sirius continued. He snorted softly. "Almost makes me miss it."
They walked in silence for a few moments.
"Did you ever learn what the hex was?" Harry asked Remus. He smiled a little. "If you did, you could teach me and I could hex Sirius for old times' sake."
Sirius shook his head and grinned at Harry as Remus lost himself to mirth, laughing hysterically. "You know, when you say things like that, you really do remind me of Lily. And that's not necessarily a good thing."
"So that's a no?" Harry laughed when Sirius put him in a head-lock which then led to Sirius yelping when Hedwig pecked him in retaliation and she flapped after him, chasing and chiding him while Harry tried to pull a still laughing Remus to his feet, feeling much better.
"Hey! I know you're playing with Chick but be more gentle! Especially today! You overgrown puppy, I'll take you on! Take this! And this!"
"Take it easy!" Sirius cried as he ran.
"NEVER!"
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"I have to say, lovely work," Hedwig hooted warmly. She was sitting on one of the floating pumpkins that the professors and the house elves had charmed for the Halloween Feast. They floated about and some had candy within them to be given out while others played jaunty music and let out a steady stream of colored smoke and light while others danced in the air in fun patterns. Even with her sitting on the pumpkin, it floated easily and did not feel unstable at all.
Hedwig lifted the top off of the pumpkin with her beak and peered into the interior. "Looks nice and clean and oddly comfortable." She squirmed into it and fluffed up. "It is comfortable! I love it. Pumpkin nest."
Inky put a few bags of candy inside the pumpkin next to Hedwig and gave her a bacon butty to munch on. When Hedwig pointed with her wing at Harry and his friends, Inky smiled and nodded. She put the lid back on top and then sent the pumpkin back towards them, giggling. "Have fun Miss Hedwig!" she called after."
"I will! Thank you Inky!" Hedwig wiggled eagerly. "I hope Parvati tries to open the pumpkin first. Maybe I can steer it a bit by thinking and-oh I can! Yes! Operation Surprise Halloween Owl a go!"
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"I love the floating pumpkins bringing you treats," Parvati said. She smiled as one floated up to her and she reached out to open the top. Suddenly the top popped up without her touching it and two giant amber eyes came out with a sharp beak and a very loud screech. ("SURPRISE PUMPKIN OWL! TRICKS ARE MY TREATS!") Parvati shrieked from the shock and fell over while the others howled with laughter. "Dammit Hedwig!"
"Hedwig's the best!" Clover and Marigold said as Hedwig fluffed up and giggled, immensely proud of herself.
"I am the best at tricks!"
"You're a menace!" Parvati said, rubbing her chest. She sighed when Hedwig deposited a bag of candy in her hand. ("And I'm the best at treats too. The duality of Halloween Hedwig.") "I guess that makes up for it," she said begrudgingly. Suddenly she grinned. "Hey, help me scare someone else and we're even."
"Oh yes, let's do that!" Hedwig nodded eagerly and settled back into the pumpkin and Parvati put the top back on. She ran off with it with Clover and Marigold trailing after.
"So much better," Padma grinned as the others continued to laugh.
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"Let's see, who to trick," Parvati muttered, looking around at the assembled people at the Halloween Feast.
"Ooh! I bet we can get her!" Hedwig hooted, peeking out of the pumpkin. She pointed surreptitiously with her beak.
"Really? Her?" Parvati shrugged when Hedwig nodded. "Well, I guess no harm in trying." She bent low and whispered with Clover and Marigold and they nodded together. Securing the top back on the pumpkin, Parvati waved her wand and it zoomed away towards a person and then she and the Brown Twins ran after it.
Ariana stopped walking, seeing the pumpkin zooming along with the other three in hot pursuit. She waved her wand and the pumpkin came towards her. "Why are you three chasing the pumpkin?" she asked, smiling at the girls.
"It has the best treats in it!" Clover and Marigold said together, puffing a little after the run.
"The best you say? Well lucky me!" Ariana said, opening the pumpkin and reaching in. She shrieked when Hedwig came flapping out of the pumpkin, scrabbling up her arm and then flying around her head.
"SURPRISE HALLOWEEN HEDWIG!" Hedwig screeched. She cackled and scattered candy on Ariana's head and flapped off. "You have been tricked and treated by the Pumpkin Owl! Consider yourself blessed!"
"I HATE BEING SCARED!" Ariana yelled and blasted the pumpkin apart, sending pieces of pumpkin every which way. "Get back here!" she shouted as Parvati and Clover and Marigold went running away from her, chasing after Hedwig and laughing. With a howl of outrage, Ariana took off after them.
-0-
"Just as well I suppose," Sprout sighed. "Oh thank you Aberforth. Mmm, this is nice, what is it?"
"A pumpkin ale," Aberforth said, pouring out more glasses for everyone.
"You have really gotten into brewing and experimenting more," Dumbledore smiled.
"Yeah well, it's fun," Aberforth said, shrugging.
A very loud shriek filled the air, making them look over. The majority of them gaped as they saw Ariana chasing after a cackling Hedwig who flapped away from her with Parvati, Clover, and Marigold also fleeing the irate witch.
"This is Halloween, I am Hedwig,
Halloween! Hedwig!
Halloween! Hedwig!
In this nest, we all howl,
Everyone hail to the Pumpkin Owl!"
"Better her than us," Aberforth and Dumbledore said together, laughing out loud and the others joined in.
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Hands Off MY Wolfie - She's an owl of many many many talents. It's better to appease the Head Owl, safer and happier that way. Thanks for reading.
odonnellzoo99 - It was a lot of fun to add the dialogue after the fact. Honestly the bit as it was pre-Hedwig dialogue still worked unreasonably well.
poka - I didn't know that either until later and it makes sense and makes the fact that she rolls her eyes that much more fun.
alix33 - Hedwig thinks everything that she doesn't get is unreasonable.
TheSphynx - Now that's a funny idea, the bowler hat being the symbol of Ministership. And honestly, Wizarding Britain would be better off with her at the helm.
HoneyBear84 - Thank you.
Lucy Elizabeth Dawson - Right? No other is nearly qualified.