Please see my disclaimers in early chapters of this fanfiction.
Chapter 41 The loss of Hope
The billowing flaps of King Theoden's tent were held open for Kaitlyn by King Theoden himself. She could not read his mood. She frowned when the flaps closed behind her and the king did not enter with her.
Within the ornate tent decorated with horse motifs stood a tall, thin Elf with dark hair and blue eyes dressed in flowing garments. He wore a silver circle of metal finery upon his forehead. A fire burned in the center of the tent, reflecting in his eyes.
He held a very commanding presence.
Kaitlyn frowned. "I don't understand." Her eyes traveled toward to the entrance of the tent. Why had the King not entered with her? Who was this Elf? What did he want with her?
"I do not expect you to," He told her in a deep and steady voice. " I am here on important business and I could not resist."
She frowned at his talk in riddles. It reminded her of Gandalf. The thought made her realize how much she missed him as well as Pippin.
"Who are you?" she asked bravely when the silence stretched on.
"I am Lord Elrond of Rivendell."
She bowed her head toward him in respect. She had seen Legolas do the same to the Lady Galadriel and Lord Celeborn in Lorthlorien. She had heard of Lord Elrond. Legolas had told her he ruled the lands where the fellowship had gathered and journeyed from. He was also Lady Arwen's father and he had helped raise Aragorn after his father had died.
"And you are Kaitlyn Westerly. The mysterious woman hailing from another realm." His deep voice boomed.
Kaitlyn turned quickly to find Lord Elrond looking her over carefully. He walked around her as a predator did its prey.
Kaitlyn felt uncomfortable at his scrutiny and judgement of her, but she stood tall and straight. She prayed that he did not hear her heart thundering in her chest.
"You've heard about me?" she asked with more composure than she thought possible.
"Indeed, "the dark haired elf told her, stopping in front of her. His fingers entwined in front of him as he stood to his full intimidating height. "The Lady Galadriel sent word that there was an additional unexpected traveler." His tone had a hint of disapproval.
She let out a huff of breath. "I didn't wake up that day wishing to leave everything I knew and loved to join a quest to save another world!'" She took in and released a deep breath after her defensive outburst and tried to calm herself. Something about this Elf bothered and intimidated her.
A silence filled the tent and she realized she was entirely out of line. Lack of proper sleep, worry and fear were not helping.
"Goheno nin," she told him with a slight bow of her head. (Forgive me)
Elrond's dark brows rose over his eyes at her use of Sindarin.
"Pedich i lam edhellen?" ( You speak Elvish?)
She nodded. "Pedin edhellen. Legolas Greenleaf taught me." ( I speak Elvish)
"You understand that you cannot journey with your companions any further." He told her in a firm voice.
"Henion." ( I understand.)
"Mas bedithach?" (Where will you go?)
"Edoras." Absentmindedly her thumb rubbed against Legolas' braid beneath her green tunic. It peeked just slightly from beneath the fabric of her neckline.
In two great steps, Lord Elrond was before her. In a swift movement he pulled aside the neckline of her tunic and his eyes widened at the braid of blond hair that rested against her skin. His blue eyes bore into her green ones.
Suddenly the air in the tent felt bitterly cold as if the fire had gone out. Kaitlyn shivered and stepped back as she tugged her tunic back over the braid.
"This is foolishness," he spat. "Do not give him hope. The war could last as long as your lifetime. And what then of Thranduil's only son when you are dead and gone?"
Kaitlyn inhaled harshly and let the breath go at the thought. She stepped back several feet. Her hand clutched the braid through the fabric. Tears immediately filled her eyes.
"Release him from any promises before it is too late. It could mean death for him."
A horn sounded in the distance, signaling the arrival of more men. Lord Elrond looked away at the call. Without being dismissed, Kaitlyn rushed from the tent and into the dark night.
Legolas grew restless. Surely Kaitlyn could not still be in King Theoden's tent? It was well past an hour since she had been summoned, and he was growing impatient. What could they possibly want with her?
"This place makes me uneasy."
Gimli's voice shattered Legolas' thoughts.
"The horses are restless and the men are quiet." Legolas noticed.
"The men grow uneasy in the shadow of the mountain," came the reponse of Eomer, the Marshal of the Riddermark as he was walking by.
"That road there," Gimli nodded, leaning on his great ax. He had noticed it as several horses and men cleared the way from it. "Where does that lead?"
"It is the road to the Dimholt and the door into the mountain." Legolas told him. He had heard tales of the great forest that grew once in the shadow of this mountain before evil had destroyed it. Now the land was barren, the trees dead and a great feeling of sadness and dread swept over him.
"None who venture there ever return." Eomer told them. "That mountain is evil." He stepped away and returned to his duties.
Any horses led near the road, shied from it, nearly knocking over the men that led them.
"You are uneasy yourself, lad, though I do not believe it is due to the mountain." Gimli noted. Legolas' eyes had been scanning the area over and over. He looked from the road to the camp around him. His eyes always searching.
"If you are looking for the lass, she fled from the King's tent some time ago as if a Ring Wraith was on her tail."
Legolas turned to him. "Where did she go? She was upset?"
Gimli held up a gloved hand. "I do not know where she went, but she appeared distraught. I went to get some more food and saw her flee. I thought you might be with her. I was surprised to find you here, staring up at this retched mountain."
Legolas put a hand on the Dwarf's shoulder. "Thank you, Gimli. I must find her."
The dwarf nodded as the Elf sprinted away.
"So it is true then," Gimli said quietly to himself.
He had been piecing together events over the last few months. Kaitlyn learning Elvish, him interrupting a kiss the elf and woman had been about to share. Legolas barely left her side when she was hurt at Helm's Deep. The lass had asked him to look after the elf during battle where she had not requested the same for anyone else.
Gimli sighed. He felt sorry for them. War was never a good time to fall in love.
Legolas walked quickly through the soldiers. He tried to keep the distress from his face. Why was Kaitlyn distraught? Why had she not come to find him or their companions? What had happened in the King's tent to upset her?
After searching for nearly twenty minutes, panic began to set in. Had she been hurt by one of the men? Had she fallen? They were quite high up on the mountain.
And then suddenly, despite the talking of men, the sound of fires crackling and of horses neighing and pawing impatiently, he heard it.
His heart nearly broke at the sound.
He stepped quietly through the horses tied together along a rock wall that was part of the mountain. Then he saw her. Her face was buried into Hasufel's red mane as she sobbed quietly, unnoticed by all with everything going on around her. Her arms were around the horse's neck and he stood completely still as if he understood this human woman needed him.
Legolas watched her for only a moment, and in a swift and silent movement he was beside her, his hand touched her shoulder to turn her to face him.
"Meleth nin .."
Kaitlyn jumped at the sudden contact. Her eyes grew wide as she saw it was Legolas who had found her. Tears streamed down her cheeks.
He reached for her and she pulled back, hastily wiping her tears on her sleeve.
"Man agórer ? (What happened?)
"Please… please just leave me alone." Her green eyes were brimming with tears . "I can't do this right now."
"Ú-chenion" ( I do not understand.) He reached toward her again and she drew back further, her eyes focused on the ground. The action cut him to the quick.
She would not look at him, nor let him touch her and it drove him mad with pain and grief.
"Tell me what happened in that tent, that you will not even look at me." His voice became desperate.
She shook her head back and forth, her eyes focused on Hasufel, her back turned to Legolas.
"It was all a dream…a beautiful but unrealistic dream." She turned toward him, but kept her eyes low. She held in her hands the braid of his hair he had gifted her with as a promise of love and life together.
"I don't know how I thought you and I could ever have worked." She held out the braided necklace to him.
Legolas jerked back as if struck. "What are you saying?" His heart beat hard against his rib cage. It was deafening to him.
She looked at him finally and her green eyes were devoid of all emotion. " There is no future for us."
He shook his head; his long straight blond hair fell around his shoulders like a pale cloak. He willed his heart to stop beating so quickly. Something was very wrong here. He took a deep breath to steady himself. Something had happened for her to act this way.
"Who told you there was no future for us?" he demanded in a calmer tone.
She looked down at the ground.
"Tell me!" he commanded. Then in a broken tone, "Please."
Her reserve crumbled like an ancient wall. She fell to the ground onto her knees and buried her face into her hands. Sobs wracked her body and this time, Legolas would not be pushed away.
He sank to his knees and pulled her to him. She attempted weakly to push him away, but he would not relent. He buried his face into her dark hair and held her, as ugly loud sobs escaped her. Hasufel lowered his muzzle and brushed the soft flesh against her hair as the Elf held her.
After some time had passed, she quieted. His hands traced circles on her back. Her breath shuddered at his gentle touch.
"I want to know what happened. I saw the love in your eyes for me when you left to go to that tent. And now these beautiful green eyes are devoid of love or life."
She opened her mouth to speak, and then bit her lip.
The silence was deafening to an Elf who could hear all. Her emotions were hidden from him. But then he felt it…a deep pain radiating from her.
"Len iallon," he pleaded. (I beg of you.)
"He told me not to give you hope."
She looked up into his eyes. They were still devoid of emotion.
"Who told you this? Explain."
"Lord Elrond. He was in the King's tent."
Legolas snorted out a breath.
"Go on, "he urged her.
"I must have been touching your braid. He moved so fast and pulled my neckline aside so he could see what I was rubbing my thumb over. The disapproval was so strong in his eyes and voice when he saw your braid. He told me that I should not give you hope. He told me that the war could last longer than my life…lifetime," she choked out. " And what would happen to you then when I was dead and gone? That I'd bring you death."
Legolas growled, the sound like an angry wild animal. "He had no right!" His hands balled into fists. "No right to meddle in our lives!" He stepped away to calm himself. He did not wish to frighten her in his anger.
"But he's right," came her soft whimper. "It made me realize that this war could last the rest of my life. What would you have to come back to?"
"The war could last months, or only a few years. He was trying to scare you. I have told you-" He slid his hand beneath her chin and tipped it up so he could look into her eyes as he spoke, "I LOVE you. That will NEVER change. Whether the war ends tomorrow or 100 years from now, my love for you is eternal."
"But I'm not…I don't want you to die because of me."
Legolas sighed deeply. He suddenly understood. She was trying to protect him. Had they not already discussed this? He silently cursed Lord Elrond for putting doubt into her mind.
"My heart has chosen you. I will never love another woman but you. If you were to walk away from me right now, I would still love you. If you were to die tomorrow, that love will still remain for all time." He stroked her jawline as she looked at the ground.
"He's afraid, Rodwen, "he continued.
She looked up at his use of her nickname.
"No doubt Lord Elrond's daughter has chosen to stay for Aragorn. He is bitter and afraid about it for he will sail to the west and leave her behind. He thought he was saving me to dissuade you. He has brought me the opposite. Pain with you trying to reject me. "
She exhaled loudly at his admittance.
He sighed deeply as the fight began to leave him. He felt pity for Lord Elrond. Although he would lose his daughter someday, the Lord of Imladris had no right to try and change others' lives because of events in his own.
"This is not how I expected our last night together to go. I had hoped to spend time alone with you. To hold you. To kiss you and memorize everything I love about you."
A whimper escaped her. She had been so foolish. She had allowed what lord Elrond told her get into her head. By trying to protect Legolas she actually hurt him. She had let her fears get the better of her.
"I'm sorry… I ruined everything." Her breath heaved several times. "I'm so afraid."
She trembled , tears spilling and then he saw it happen. The cracks were getting larger in the walls she had put up around herself.
"I wanted to be brave about this all. But here I am crying like a baby." She wiped the tears from her eyes with her sleeve. "I don't want you to leave. I don't want to leave you. I'm afraid you won't come back and I've already lost so much." Her voice broke as she spoke.
Legolas felt as if a cave troll squeezed his heart. He took her hands into his.
"Henion, meleth nin". (I understand, my love)"You did not ruin anything. I understand that you are afraid. Do you think I do not fear?" He looked deep into her eyes. "I have waited centuries for you. And to be forced to leave you behind while I go off into battle. There is no greater fear nor pain, I have ever felt."
Her lips parted in surprise at such an admission.
"Lord Elrond saw your fear and your good heart and he used it to confuse you and trick you into thinking that letting me go was the best thing you could do for me. He could not have been more wrong. He did not realize how strong our love for one another is. Just as he has misunderstood Lady Arwen and Aragorn's love for one another. True love knows no boundaries."
He bent to pick something up off of the ground. In his hands was the braid of his hair he had gifted her. It had escaped her fingers during their conversation. He motioned to replace it on her neck and she nodded.
She felt guilty that she had ever taken it off. What had she been thinking? She had let the fear of him dying control her. Her fingers immediately found comfort as they brushed over the soft braid, as it settled where it belonged.
She vowed that it would never be removed again while she drew breath.
She felt so many emotions at once. Fear, embarrassment, naiveté, and love. She did not need any more words. Words had nearly destroyed what they had.
She leaned forward, placed her hands on his chest and pressed her lips to his.
Legolas felt the tension lessen as her hungry mouth found his. Joy tentatively began to overtake the fear and uncertainty he had felt at her attempt to reject him. Her intentions had been honorable.
"I love you, Legolas." Her breathless voice, another confirmation that things would be all right. He tightened his hold and brought her closer to him.
"Le i veleth e-guil nin. Ceri u-dadhren (You are the love of my life. Do not forget.)
"Renithon." (I will remember.)
His mouth pushed against hers, demanding access and she acquiesced. She released soft moans as he kissed her. After a few short moments, be pulled back.
"Tolo an nin," he commanded gently. (Come with me)
They had been indiscreet far too often when in the presence of the people of Rohan.
Hasufel whinnied as they stepped away from him. The Elf led the woman to his tent once inside, he merely held her. He buried his face into her soft dark hair and revealed in the feel of her arms around him.
He was a skilled and deadly warrior and none but this mortal woman could bring him to his knees.
It was certainly a strange and mysterious fate that the Valar had set before them.
To be continued…
Another chapter posted! It seems that it is taking me about a month to get a new chapter written. I like to have 2 chapters finished before I post a new one, so here is that next chapter.
Thank you, Thank you, Thank you! To those who take the time to leave a review. It allows me to know that this story is worth finishing.
It has been an age, but 17 years ago I made a trailer for this fanfic on my YouTube Channel. I'm going to list the link below for anyone interested. And I recently made a newer and longer trailer.
In my earlier chapters I mentioned that I had cast in my mind that Jennifer Connelly would be Kaitlyn. She has who I have pictured as her all of these years and she continues to be who I see in my mind when I write and it is her voice I hear in my head. That is why she is in my trailers. In the event you cannot see my links because blocks them, look up the user Cormak on Youtube and you will find them!
Original Trailer from 2006:
/K6TLs2DCpho?si=NET9WOwtiSnKlHF5
2024 Trailer
/v4NRbm8hX_A?si=LAQ6MtNlRvNd14cg