"Lead the way, Santana," The way Brittany's hand slipped into mine and the way that her voice sounded so silky, and smooth, I almost pushed her back down into the stool and kissed her fiercely. But I couldn't do that, not right now. This was all something completely new to me, not just wanting another person for the comfort of their kisses, but for their entire being, and I didn't want to risk fucking that up and moving too fast with Brittany. Well, unless she was to initiate it, because then I would be totally down to make out with her.
Fuck, her lips looked so fucking soft. I bet that kissing Brittany felt like floating on clouds, and I couldn't wait to test that theory and find out.
I squeezed Brittany's hand in mine and silently lead her into the back and to my office. The loud music and commotion coming from the club faded away the further into the back we walked, and I didn't take a chance on glancing back to look at her. I was far to concerned in getting us to somewhere quiet, somewhere more private.
"Santana, slow down," Brittany giggled from behind me as I practically dragged us to the end of the hallway. I slowed down my fast-paced steps with flushed cheeks and pulled her into the room, slipping the lock into place to ensure no interruptions. "Is this your office?" Brittany asked as I turned to her.
"Yeah, I don't normally bring people in here," I blushed and Brittany's smile on her face widened.
"Well, I feel special," Brittany teased and her eyes scanned around the room curiously. I watched her closely, as the expressions on her face changed as she took in her surroundings. "It's nice in here, like a mini apartment," she giggled and I smiled at her affectionately.
"My home away from home," I told her and walked us over to the couch. I motioned for Brittany to sit down, "do you want another drink?"
"Please, I could ease my nerves right now," Brittany spoke quietly and I raised my eyebrows, pausing my movements and crouching down in front of her.
My hands came to rest on her knees and I caught her eyes with mine. "You're nervous?" Brittany sucked in her lips and let out a shaky breath, nodding her head. I gave her knees a comforting squeeze and sent her a small smile. "Don't be, it's just me," I cooed and she nodded again. I grinned and moved across to the mini-bar, grabbing what I needed and quickly making my way back over to Brittany.
After pouring us both a drink, I settled on the couch beside her and turned my body to face her.
I watched as she took a big gulp of her drink and tilted my head when a small smile played on her lips, "better?"
"Totally," Brittany whispered.
The room fell silent, but not an uncomfortable silent. Just a silent where we were taking in each others presence. I appreciated her, here next to me, smiling softly and nervously tapping her fingers against the glass she held securely in both her hands. I had been waiting for this moment, this moment with Brittany, and now that it was happening I didn't even know where to begin. Brittany wasn't the only nervous one. I could feel the palms of my hands getting clammy as they fumbled together in my lap, I could feel my heart swelling in my chest almost painfully, but I couldn't bring my eyes to look away. I let them trail across her milky skin and shivered at the reminder that her skin was pressed against mine on the dance floor not even twenty minutes ago.
That thought alone made me feel dizzy and I could feel the hairs on my skin pricking up as they begged to be covered by Brittany's warmth again. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath to settle the bubbling emotions that were brimming on seeping out, before letting my eyes flutter back open and refocus back on Brittany.
"You flirt with your dancing," I commented and Brittany rose her eyebrows expectantly, obviously not expecting it. "I like it," I added quickly.
Brittany laughed, "yeah?" I nodded, biting down on my bottom lip. She leaned in closer to me, "well...I like you," She flirted, her hand moving down my forearm and her touch mixed with her flirtatious words left me a bit speechless. She laughed again, clearly noticing my obvious daze and pulled her hand away.
"Where did you learn to dance like that?" I asked her curiously after a few minutes of us just looking at each other, I wanted to know more, I wanted to know everything about her.
"I've always danced," Brittany shrugged. "My parents put me in classes when I was really young and it kind of became an outlet. I was never the smartest back in school and people seemed to pick up on that and started taking advantage of me. It became sort of an escape from reality and a way to get everything out," the honesty in Brittany's words took me aback slightly, and I felt like pouting at the thought of anybody being mean to her. Brittany must have noticed my conflicting emotions because she chuckled and playfully nudged her body into mine, "don't look so sad. It was high school, everybody was mean in high school."
"Yeah..." I frowned a little, because Brittany was right. Everybody was mean in high school; I was mean in high school. "I used to be such a bitch back in high school," I admitted to her quietly.
I glanced at Brittany, expecting judgement in those bright blue eyes, but instead I found her staring back at me softly. "I'm sure you had a good reason," Brittany shrugged her shoulders.
I shook my head, still frowning. "Sometimes," I sighed.
"I don't believe that for a second," Brittany smiled, like she was encouraging the words out of me. "Everybody has a reason in high school to be mean," she added.
All of the endless rants and comments that I spewed out in high school in an attempt to push people away swirled in my memory and I sighed, nodding a little in agreement to her comment. "I grew up in Lima and back then, everything was about labels and that scared the shit out of me," Brittany shuffled a bit closer to me, her hand coming to rest lightly on my thigh and she began tracing soft circles on my exposed skin. It was enough to encourage me, "I was a closeted lesbian in the most judgmental town on Earth and my friend Kurt, he was the only out gay kid, and he got bullied so badly that he had to transfer schools."
"That's awful," Brittany whispered and I nodded in agreement with a weak smile. "Did that happen to you, too?"
"No," my voice cracked slightly and I cleared my throat, taking another deep breath. "I put up so many walls around myself and tried so hard to keep that part of myself hidden that I lost myself along the way. I became this really mean version of myself and by the end of junior year, I didn't even recognize who I was anymore."
Brittany shuffled closer to me, our legs coming in contact and she gently added a bit more pressure to the circles she was making on my thighs, just enough to pull me back down to Earth. I quickly closed my mouth and looked at her, pulling me out of the awful memories of high school, and her touch instantly comforted the unsettling feeling that was in the pit of my stomach. Her thumbs rubbed back and forth over my thighs soothingly and she flashed me that smile again that had me feeling weak. If I wasn't already sitting down, I'm sure that my legs would have given out just from the sight of it.
She watched me, with curious but calm eyes, and it was like all of the pain from my past exploded into millions of pieces, and was replaced with a feeling of safety.
"Santana, dealing with your sexuality and coming to terms with it can be one of the hardest things a person has to do in life. It can make you feel so small and afraid, that you would do anything to protect yourself... kind of like a natural defense mechanism. You can't blame yourself for being afraid," Brittany cooed, her words ringing like an alarm in my mind and it was like she had uttered everything I wished to hear back in high school without even a second thought. "Everybody does something back in high school that they aren't proud of... one time, I had sex with the school janitor-" I giggled and rose my eyebrows at her, "my point is, who you are now is not defined by who you were when you were a teenager. Sometimes, we have to go through those versions of ourselves to grow into who we are supposed to become when we're adults."
"Brittany..." I started and then closed my mouth again, feeling the wetness blurring my vision as I tried to blink away the tears.
Brittany just smiled again. "Are you out now?" she asked hesitantly.
I nodded with a small chuckle, "out and proud, since senior year." Brittany's smile widened, almost proudly, and the way she was looking at me felt like I had just won the freaking lottery. "It was hard, and a whole mess followed, but I wouldn't change being able to love who I want so freely and openly."
Brittany's thumbs stopped rubbing soothing circles on my thighs as she reached for her glass off the table and I wanted to cry at the way my skin suddenly felt frozen without her touching it, but I refrained and instead mimicked her actions. The taste of the alcohol burning down my throat allowed me a moment to recollect myself; I brought Brittany up here to flirt with her and get to know her, and here I am, telling her my freaking sob story and almost on the verge of a breakdown- not cool, and definitely not hot.
I placed the now empty glass back onto the table and twisted my body back towards Brittany. "You're really smart, you know that?" I questioned with a smile, because Brittany had just comforted me in the way nobody else ever had with simple words and a simple touch.
Her cheeks reddened and she shyly looked down at her hands, making me giggle. "Nobody's ever told me that before," Brittany laughed and I frowned.
"Well... I think that you are the smartest person I've ever met," Brittany's head snapped back up and I shrugged playfully, bumping my shoulder into hers, "You're a fucking genius, Brittany."
"And I think that you're just full of compliments tonight, Ms. Lopez," Brittany giggled and I smirked at her.
"What about you?" I asked and she frowned.
"What do you mean?"
I paused, contemplating my next question and wondering whether I should actually ask it. But the blue of Brittany's eyes were so inviting that I didn't hesitate for longer than a couple of seconds. She somehow made me feel safe to ask whatever I wanted. "Did you have a hard time?" I asked, my voice coming out quieter than I expected and Brittany frowned, obviously still a bit lost on the question. "With coming out," I clarified.
Brittany's mouth formed an O shape in recognition and she blushed, which made me chuckle in amusement. I was curious about her, about her story, about everything that had happened in her life to shape her into the person she was today.
She bobbled her head from side to side lightly, as if she was contemplating her words and I watched her with fascination and interest.
"I wouldn't say a hard time, I always knew that I was attracted to girls," She told me, "when I was younger, I used to make my best friend play house with me and I would get really sad when she would tell me that one of us had to be a boy because we couldn't have two moms-"
"What a little bitch," I mumbled and Brittany laughed.
"We were like six," Brittany told me through her giggles and I shrugged.
"Still a bitch, I would have totally played two mom house with you," I told her, thinking of a small pouting six year old Brittany not understanding why her friend didn't want to be co-moms with her.
"Yeah, you're right, she was kind of a bitch," Brittany agreed with a quiet giggle and then continued, "anyway, I just always knew, you know? It wasn't something that I ever tried to hide. I was lucky, my parents always spoke about people having different families, and I think that they did that to try and make me feel comfortable enough not to hide myself. I'm really thankful that they were like that, I know that some people aren't that lucky."
I frowned at her words and they hit me right in my gut, almost taking all of the air out of my lungs. But, I quickly shook away those thoughts and plastered on a smile, not wanting to get into those hidden memories right now.
"They sound really awesome," I told her softly and she looked at me with a twinkle in her eyes.
"Yeah, they really are... maybe you'll get to meet them one day," Brittany winked at me and that fluttering was back in my chest again, watching as she reached for our drinks. She handed me mine and I watched as she lifted the glass to her lips, smiling a little before mimicking her actions.
The mood in the room got considerably lighter after that, which I was thankful for, because I wanted to see Brittany smiling and listen to her laugh forever. Every time her cheeks would bunch up and the sound of her laugh echoed around the room, my heart would flutter and thump even louder, and I would get that much more addicted to seeing her so happy and carefree. Brittany was more than I expected, in the best way. She was funny and playful and everything about her just seemed so lighthearted. I could feel the strings that wrapped tightly around my chest untangling, opening up to her and letting her dance along to the beating of my heart.
I couldn't describe it, there weren't enough words to explain how it felt to just be around her. It was like everything bad in the world disappeared, and we were left floating on clouds of possibilities, possibilities of Brittany and me, of us.
The more we spoke, the more we seamlessly drank, and it was like our bodies naturally drew closer together. Those magnets were pulling us together at a force that I couldn't control and I didn't want to control it.
Brittany stumbled to put her drink back on the table and her body shuffled closer to me, sending tingles through my body. "Y-You're really pretty, San," Brittany stuttered out, her words were slightly slurred and her eyes were hooded from the alcohol, and the lopsided smile on her face made me blush under her intense but soft stare. Her hand reached out, tucking a fallen strand of hair behind my ear and I felt myself lean into her touch.
"But you're the pret-prettiest," I giggled and watched as she shook her head, "prettiest eva!" I sang lightly and hiccupped a little after, making her join in with my giggles.
My eyes dropped down to her lips and I was suddenly hyper aware of her close they were to mine, I was basically leaning right up against her and Brittany didn't seem to mind because her arms had found their way around my waist, holding me in place against her. I watched as her tongue poked out, wetting her lips and I followed the movement with a growing ache in the bottom of my stomach. Her cheeks were tinted pink and I didn't know if it was from the amount of alcohol we had consumed or whether she was thinking the same thing as me: I really wanted to kiss her.
"A-Are you thinking what… what I'm thinking?" I breathed out and I watched how she shivered, her eyes lifting from my lips to my eyes.
"About how sexy your lips are?" Brittany asked innocently through slurred words and I sniggered, my own eyes dropping back to her lips.
"Close enough," I giggled, my hands filled with alcohol induced confidence and moving to delicately cup her warm cheeks. "Wanna make out?" I asked her and Brittany was nodding instantly, but the growing smirk on my lips was wiped away when she surged forward and connected our lips in the most passionate of kisses.
I actually whimpered at the feeling, because fuck, her lips were so soft; they were like pillows for my own lips. My fingers trailed from her cheeks into blonde hair, pulling her closer and practically onto my lap as she kissed me fiercely, her lips burning against mine and making my whole body vibrate in response. Feelings of warmth and butterflies flooded out of my stomach, spreading to every bit of exposed skin that was being touched by Brittany.
Brittany's kisses were heavenly and I felt intoxicated by a complete different reason than what I did a few minutes ago. She let her lips glide across mine skillfully, tilting her head ever so slightly and allowing her tongue to trace across my lip. When the warmth of her tongue found its way into my mouth, I couldn't stop the aroused moan from slipping into the air between us and I could feel Brittany smiling against my mouth from the sound.
She shifted her body weight to completely straddle me and I had to tilt my head back with the added height. Brittany's hands came to trace across the exposed skin on my neck, her fingertips dancing and making me loose focus on the kiss.
"Oh my- fuck, Brittany," I moaned loudly, gasping for air and Brittany just went straight for my neck.
My head rolled back against the couch, exposing more skin for her to lavish with open-mouthed kisses and my hands untangled from her hair, dropping down her back and coming to hold firmly on her hips. My eyes were squeezed shut and I could feel my breathing becoming shorter at the feeling of Brittany's lips and tongue appreciating my neck with the best of kisses. She kissed from my neck, up to the spot just below my ear and sucked lightly, making my breath catch in my throat and my grip on her hips tightened.
"Love your sweet lady kisses," Brittany whispered hotly into my ear and if my eyes weren't already closed, I'm pretty sure that they would have rolled back in my head from her words.
She trailed her kisses back across my jawline, before running her tongue across my lower lip and kissing me again. My chest couldn't decide between tightening into a tiny ball from the pressure that was building in my stomach or exploding from beating so fast, and my lips tasted like vodka and orange and everything Brittany.
Brittany's hands moved to cover mine, pushing down on them slightly and I followed her movements willingly, squeezing her ass and happily swallowing her moan as I slipped my tongue into her mouth and tangled it around hers, eagerly exploring the warmth of her mouth. The kiss was picking up, quickly, and it was getting so heated that I was beginning to feel restricted, even in what little clothing I had on, and with the way Brittany was now rocking her hips into mine, I didn't know how much longer I would last without exploring any further.
"B-Britt," I mumbled into the kiss to get her attention, and she hummed against my mouth, before nibbling on my lip and getting another moan to slip to the air. "Brittany," I tried again and she pulled back slightly.
"Wha-" She panted, "was that not good?"
My eyes widen, "no!" Brittany rose her eyebrows, "no, no, it was perfect," she smirked and I paused for a second to control my breathing. "It's not that," I giggled and Brittany smiled, tilting her head to the side adorably.
"Then why did we stop kissing?" She pouted at me and my heart just about melted at the sight. All of those years of being a cold hearted bitch suddenly went flying out of the window, and for a brief second, I couldn't even remember why I had stopped kissing her.
"Don't make that face," I mumbled, my eyes drawing to her lips and before I could stop myself, I was leaning into give her a much softer kiss. As I pulled away, Brittany's pout successfully turned back into a smile, I giggled and moved my hands up to cup her flushed cheeks. "I really, really, love kissing you," I told her softly, my thumbs rubbing at her cheekbones, "and I would really, really, love to keep getting our sweet lady kisses on... but-"
"But what? Why is there a but?" She was pouting again and I inwardly groaned, and I knew that I was on the brink of giving in and just kissing her senseless again.
However, Brittany's kisses had sobered me up considerably and I realised that this was not part of my going slow with Brittany plan.
"But, I don't want to fuck this up... with you and me," I told her honestly and watched as her face softened.
"Santana," Brittany whispered, almost affectionately, "I told you, I like you. There's no way that you could fuck this up."
"I like you, too," I responded almost immediately, my hands dropping from her face and back down her back. "But, I want to take my time with you and take you on a real date first- that's if, that's if you want to," I rushed out, slightly embarrassed and feeling a little bit shy under her.
In one swift motion, Brittany was swinging her leg off of me and settling back onto the couch beside me, and then I was the one pouting at her. "Don't make that face," she teased, running her thumb over my bottom lip and I rolled my eyes at her using my own words against me. "You're right, let's do this properly," Brittany agreed and I smiled softly at her, reaching for her hand.
"So, you'll go on a date with me?" I asked, hopefully.
"Of course I'll go on a date with you, how else am I going to kiss you again?" She teased and I laughed loudly, pushing her away from her playfully.
"So, another drink?" I asked her and she giggled, nodding her head.
"One more won't hurt anybody," she grinned and I smiled back at her, before pouring us another drink end the night.