A few months after the recruitment of Itto, preparations for a final assault against the Shogun forces were made, the sound of soldiers training and preparing filling the air.
In the middle of all this training and preparations was a tent with a sign labelled "M.I.L.F H.Q." with a crude sign made from a sheet of notebook paper that read "Meeting in progress" with a smiley face drawn next to it.
Inside, Beidou, Kazuha, Ayaka, Thoma, Gorou, Kokomi, Yoimiya, Kokomi, Verosika, Vortex, Moxxie, Angel, Cherri, Husk and Sir Pentious all looked at Blitzo walking in front of a whiteboard on the wall, which showed a diagram portraying the Watatsumi's army failures to kill Raiden Shogun.
« Alright. Now, I know our plans to kill Tits-Katana have been... a bit slow lately, yes. It's no one's fault, okay? I'm not naming any names here... » Blitzo said, before looking at Kokomi and Gorou. « Kokomi and Gorou. »
In response, the two looked at the Imp with an incredulous look in response.
« Now, does anyone have... any bright ideas on how we can get business drummin' up again? » Blitzo asked.
« I can sneak in her chambers and have some fun time with her before shoving a dildo shaved explosive in her vagina…» Angel proposed.
« She doesn't seem to be into dildos, okay? » Blitzo replied with a deadpan expression, before he had an idea, and waved his hand with an enthusiastic flair, as sparkles flew out. « Wh- Ooh! What about a nuke under her house? »
« I'm NOT planting another fucking bomb in Inazuma. » Kazuha rolled his eyes.
« Helpful, Kazuha. Really glad you're in the room right now. » Blitzo wrapped his arm over his shoulder, before pushing him away. « Have you guys forgotten why the fuck we even got here? »
He then turned on a TV, which showed Vox interviewing the Watatsumi army.
« Hello, people of Fontaine! » Vox said to the camera. « The name is Vox, and I am here to interview the brave demonic soldiers of Watatsumi army in their quest to FUCKING RAPE THAT LIGHTNING BITCH! Anyway, who might you be? »
« I am Gorou of the Watatsumi Army. Whilst not a demon myself, and despite their…questionable actions… I am still willing to fight against the oppression of both the Vision Hunt Decree and the Demon Decree. » Gorou introduced himself.
« Truly, a freedom fighter all and all! » Vox declared.
« I am thankful that you gave us the chance to show our efforts to the other nations. We do not seek to usurp the current power structure of the Seven, but not even they should have the right to command lives as the Shogun does-I'm sorry, are those subtitles? » Gorou continued, before pointing at the bottom of the screen.
« What? No there aren't. » Vox replied with a deadpan expression.
« Anyway, as I was saying, once we will be victorious, we shall-HEY THOSE ARE SUBTITLES! WHY ARE THERE SUBTITLES, I'M SPEAKING FLUENT ENGLISH OR WHATEVER YOU CALL IT! » Gorou protested, as he did indeed noticed the subtitles.
« Indeed. It is most shameful that someone would put these where not needed. » a Watatsumi soldier, with a much stronger and stereotypical Japanese accent, said whilst not having subtitles.
« WAITWAITWAITWAIT WAIT! YOU! SAY SOMETHING! » Gorou exclaimed.
« …Watatsumi shall not falter before the raging river…» the man said, once more without subtitles.
« Wait, WHY DON'T YOU GET SUBTITLES! Your accent is way stronger and way more stereotypical-» Gorou protested, before being interrupted by Vox.
« And here we have it! the group once known as Watatsumi Army in their quest to kick Tits-Katana ass! » Vox intervened.
« Wait, what do you mean "Once known"? » Gorou asked.
« Oh yeah, I think Blitzo signed a partnership with ISIS…» Pentious casually walked in and answered the question, before pointing at a group of demons and Watatsumi soldiers all dressed as Islamic terrorists, whilst the Islamic Caliphate anthem played.
« Oh for Archon's sake-WE'RE JUST TERRORISTS! WE'RE LITTERALLY JUST TERRORISTS! » Kazuha protested.
Xxxxxxx
« Ah, what a brilliant idea it was to get Vox after we heard that he and his pals got their asses kicked by Raiden. » Blitzo smirked.
« I don't need any reminding, Blitzo. Considering that you barely hid any proof that you intentionally targeted innocent civilians. Only to spread the world of our revolution to a country nobody cares about. » Kazuha replied.
« Uh, hey. Excuse me? "Innocent civilians?" Where? All I've seen were a bunch of Tits-Katana's supporters. » Blitzo replied.
« Also I care about Fontaine! » Pentious added.
« I can't believe you, Kazuha! » Blitzo cried out, as he held a soldier of the month plaque with Kazuha's picture on it. « After I made you soldier of the month! »
« Okay, Blitzo! I'm sorry, but blowing up parts of a country is not a system of warfare! Nobody here in Inazuma likes it! » Kazuha exclaimed defeated.
« I liked it. » Cherri replied.
« Do not—Do not agree with him! » Kazuha protested. « Anyway, what I'm trying to say is, blowing stuff up isn't the sole way to solve everything! »
« Oh, sit on a dick, Kazuha. » Husk casually replied, before taking a sip of alcohol.
« YOU sit! Sit on… a… and the… s—STOP BLOWING THINGS! » Kazuha protested.
« Hey, now. We don't blame our screwups on Husky here, okay? » Angel snuggled with Husk sensually, who growled annoyed in response. « He didn't do anything wrooooong~ »
« ...Are you kidding me, Angel? He's awful! » Kokomi protested
Xxxxxxx
A few days earlier, Husk was chugging down countless bottles of alcohol, before Kokomi arrived. « Um, e- excuse me. Did you just fax me an ad for the Dawn Winery? »
« No. » Husk replied without even looking.
« Wha- Why- Why would anyone send me this? » Kokomi asked.
« I dunno. » Husk shrugged.
Then, Itto arrived. « Hey Husk, did you eat my lunch? »
« Yeah? I had a bloody hangover. » Husk replied.
« Why would you drink on a work night? » Kokomi asked with a deadpan expression.
« I'm hungover from this morning, idiots! » Husk replied.
Xxxxxxx
« Look, the point is, Husk is a valued member of our team, and we don't get rid of team members. » Blitzo replied.
« While we're on the subject of "team", can you stop finding all of us at the most random of moments? » Ayaka made air quotations with her hands at the world "Team".
« I wouldn't say it's THAT bad of a deal. » Thoma shrugged.
In response, Ayaka looked at him with a shocked expression on her face. « Excuse me… WHAT?! »
Xxxxxxx
A few days later, Thoma was preparing dinner for Ayaka, before Blitzo appeared. « Spoiler alert: the fruits are spoiled! »
In response, Thoma just chuckled.
« Having a good time, Thoma? » Ayaka asked.
« Really shitty wordplay. » Blitzo commented.
« WHAT THE-?! WHY ARE YOU IN OUR HOUSE?! » Ayaka protested.
Xxxxxxx
At another day, at night, Kazuha was sleeping, tossing and turning, before the purr of a cat could be heard. Then, Kazuha opened his eyes and saw Blitzo standing on him, looking him right in the eyes. « Whatcha dreamin' about? »
« I was dreaming about the time my friend was murdered, but now… I'd like to go back to that. » Kazuha replied.
Xxxxxxx
On another day, Gorou handed a report to Kokomi, who smiled warmly at him, before ruffling his ears. « Good job, general. »
Gorou blushed at her words, before noticing Blitzo holding a camcorder. « Are you fucking filming us right now?! »
Xxxxxxx
Back at the present day…
« Just... stop... doing that! » Ayaka, Kazuha and Gorou protested.
« I don't see what the issue is! There somethin' you guys don't want me seein'? » Blitzo shrugged.
« No! » the trio protested.
« You a baby-wiener-haver and flat-boardy-chester? » Angel smirked.
« Demons, what you say and how you act is totally INAPPROPRIATE! » Kokomi stood from her chair.
« Now, now, everybody calm down! You're gonna have an aneurism if this keeps up! » Yoimiya tried to defuse the situation.
« WE ARE CALM! » the trio protested.
« No-no-no, it's fine, Yoi, these folks are just…how do I say this without being offensive? Slow in the head? » Blitzo replied smugly.
« Does immaturely insulting them make you feel better about your sad, single life? » Verosika asked smugly.
« It actually does. » Blitzo leaned towards Verosika.
« In our defence, we DID help Watatsumi a lot…» Pentious pointed out.
« We even got bloody Alastor in this mess. SOMEHOW. » Husk added.
« Yeah, and look how well THAT turned out. » Beidou sighed.
Xxxxxxx
A few days earlier, at Raiden's residence, Alastor busted in T-Posing, gaining an irritated glare from Raiden.
« Hello, my dear amalgamation of flesh! I have a trade proposal! I give you SEETHING, UNENDING AGONY, and you give us entertainment! » Alastor exclaimed.
In response, Raiden just kicked him in the balls, causing him to scream in pain like an analogue horror series.
Xxxxxxx
Back in the present day….
« Uuurrrrggghhhh…my balls….» Alastor withered in pain.
« Smiley, are you gonna be all right? » Angel asked concerned.
« Dude, shaddap! » Alastor shot back.
« Urgh, you demons turned the Watatsumi army into such a mess! » Kokomi pinched her nose annoyed.
« All right, let's get back to talking about our newest book! » Blitzo pulled out a translated "Before Sun and Moon".
« Nobody was talking about that! » Moxxie protested.
« Which is why I'm tryin' to get that ball rolling. So, how does it look? Can we publish it, right? » Blitzo asked.
« I already told you, we're NOT publishing that damn book until we won this war! » Kokomi replied annoyed.
« Which is why we need to bloody end it quickly! » Husk shot back.
« Hey, I'm sure we're kicking Celestia down enough already. » Vortex commented.
« Okay, well how do we kick Tits-Katana ass then? » Pentious asked.
« Explosion it is! » Blitzo declared.
« No it ain't! » Kazuha protested.
« Oh, all right. We won't blow up Tits-Katana. » Blitzo pouted.
« Oh thank Archons. » Kazuha sighed in relief.
« We're gonna blow up Kujou Sara instead! » Blitzo declared.
« What!? » Kazuha exclaimed.
« Yeah, no, we can't kill her! Besides, she still owes me a rematch! » Itto complained.
« Do not worry, we'll just injure her a little so that she won't interfere when we get this show on the road. » Blitzo declared, as the rest of the demons prepared an ambush. Blitzo then got all the demons close. « Yeah, we're TOTALLY gonna kill the bitch. If anyone ask, Futas did it. »
« God damn it, boss. » Moxxie groaned annoyed.
Xxxxxxx
Many thanks to Inanna for many of the suggestions for this chapter.
I hope you enjoyed this new chapter! Please review so I can know your opinion. I'm willing to accept suggestions for what is going to happen, so stay tuned! Also, remember to like and follow, if you want!
See you on the next update!