Vilkas came to with a desperate gasp for breath.
The air reeked of blood, piss and intestines. Smoke, too. Cold wind rustled about, bringing nothing but freezing bites onto his naked skin. No reprieve of fresh air arrived.
His head throbbed with pain, feeling as if only seconds apart from tearing in two. He whined, pain cutting through his dizziness, and buried his face in his hands.
Nausea tugged at his stomach.
He jerked away, eyes wide in alarm. His hands were covered in blood and dried pieces of...something...all the way up to his elbows.
He turned to the side and threw up. What came from him was an unsightly mess of blood, flesh and stomach juices. He hardly had time for shaky breaths in between.
He dry heaved several times after everything was out, crawling away from the mess.
The mud and snow beneath him were full of blood.
With a whimper, he finally lifted his eyes.
Tattered tents and shabby huts lay scattered around the small, closed off area. A large bonfire stood in the middle, now reduced to embers and broken off charred branches.
Dead bodies littered the ground.
Torn to shreds. Broken. Half eaten. Arms torn from shoulders lay tossed aside. Heads with ligaments and some vertebrae hanging on the lower end could be found near bodies that certainly did not belong to them. Open rib cages stuck out to the sky, hollowed out.
His stomach churned. He gagged, but only air came out of him. Uncontrollable shivers ran through his whole body.
What is this noise? Oh. It's my teeth. Chattering.
He hugged himself, pulling his knees close to his chest.
What have I done?
On the verge of panic, he raked through his memories.
There's nothing. Nothing! Only the growl...and...freedom...running...but that's all. Did I lose control? I lost control.
A wave of self-loathing contorted his insides.
Of course I did. I was never worthy.
How can I ever face anyone?
His ribcage froze. How can I face Mori? She will never...she will...
He shook his head. He had to face consequences of his actions, no matter how badly he wished to flee. First he needed to find some clothes. Otherwise he would freeze.
Still shivering, he stood up. One look around the carnage made it clear, nothing on the corpses was worth salvaging. Maybe some of the huts had something usable.
One unsteady step after another, he made his way to the closest hut. There was fresh water in a bucket. He poured some into a washbasin he found by a shabby bed and washed his arms as much as possible. Looking into the water revealed a ghastly reflection of his face, stained by blood.
It also showed the dark hagstone still hanging on his neck.
It didn't break?
He wrapped his fingers around the stone and collapsed on the bed. Some relief crept in as he held the smooth stone in hand.
She made the string strong and long enough not to break upon transformation.
He curled into himself, fingers firmly, almost painfully, wrapped around the stone.
My beloved Mori. She thought of me, she's looking after me, even from afar.
He shivered. He missed her touch so badly it made him ache inside.
Enough. I can't afford more sentiment right now. I need to go. I need to not freeze to death. I need water. Get up!
XXX
After raiding the whole camp, he had enough to make the journey to Whiterun. Probably with catching a cold, but still enough to make it back.
From what he could see over the plains, the city was around a day of walk away to the west.
He should take care to avoid anyone. And find the entrance to the Underforge, going through the main gate like this would be a disaster.
XXX
Finding the secret entrance proved less difficult than he thought. He found his senses sharpened, at least as long as he focused on the Beast.
It proved helpful during the day too. Thanks to smelling them first, he managed to avoid several groups - farmers, guards and a party looking suspiciously like the Silver Hand.
But as the day progressed, he became more and more aware of a...presence...inside. It felt like a part of him, but also didn't. He concluded that it was the Beast, and indeed, the more he focused on it, the more his perception changed.
At one moment he could feel a strange pressure. Upon noticing that the hair on his arms started changing into fur, he quickly forced his mind away.
After a whole day and more, balancing between Beast and himself, he arrived at the slope of the mountain. Finding the entrance to the Underforge meant just looking for the most recent werewolf scent.
It must have been midnight already.
He made his way up the winding tunnels, finally arriving at the cavern itself.
Aela was there, looking at the basin thoughtfully. Once she spotted him, a strangely mirthful expression settled on her face. "Took you long enough. Had fun?"
"I blacked out," Vilkas leaned against a wall. Now that he had reached his goal, exhaustion started breaking through his determination.
"That's normal at the start," she made a dismissive gesture, walking over to him. "Once you master the Beast, it will only happen during the night of twin full moons."
Too close for comfort.
He moved sideways, avoiding her proximity. "Where are Farkas and Erika?"
She looked displeased. "In the hall. They're just fine, we brought them back with Kodlak and Skjor in the morning."
No one went after me.
She reached out, grabbing his chin. "I can see in your eyes you had a fruitful hunt-"
He jerked away. "Don't touch me, please," his voice turned deeper and hoarser.
She frowned, clearly annoyed by his avoidance. "You should learn to hide your anger more. Your eyes are flashing red." With that and a slight hmpf, she turned and walked away.
Once her steps disappeared in the distance, Vilkas' legs gave out. He slid down along the wall, dropping to the ground with an exhausted exhale.
Shaking, he grabbed the hag stone again.
Slight tingle welcomed his skin, the same as it had many times throughout the day. After a while, the shivering stopped and warmth started spreading through his body.
I wouldn't have made it back without the stone.
His eyelids grew heavy.
I have to make it to my bed, at least. Can't be seen leaving here with everyone training outside.
He forced himself up.
Just a little bit more and I can rest.
He slowly made his way out of the Underforge. Luckily, Aela left the massive iron door open for him. Just after he stumbled out of the moss covered crevice, two figures exited the hall, running towards him.
"Brother!" Erika reached him first. She grabbed his shoulders, steadying him. "Are you alright? What happened?"
"You look horrible," Farkas added once he caught up.
"As if you're any better," Vilkas grumbled. Both Farkas and Erika had dark circles under their eyes.
They exchanged a look. "You are much worse off."
"I know. I just need to sleep."
They turned, flanking him and allowing him to lean on them. "There's the thing...neither of us had a good sleep. Dreams," they shuddered. "Just...be prepared you might not rest as much as you'd like."
XXX
No dreams plagued his sleep, but it was fitful nonetheless. Vilkas kept waking up and falling back to sleep proved troublesome.
He gave up after a few hours of this and got up around his usual time.
From what Erika told him, his absence was disguised from others as an illness. Luckily no one saw them come inside the hall.
He washed his face and chuckled unhappily. He DID look ill.
Strangely enough, the cold he had been expecting didn't arrive. When he tried to go get some breakfast, Kodlak called him.
I haven't eaten for a whole damn day, can't it wait?
As much as he didn't want to go, he complied. Skjor was waiting there as well. Strangely enough, he seemed less pissed about Vilkas' existence than usual.
"What is it?" he asked as he sat down.
"You don't look too well," Kodlak seemed surprised.
What gave it away? How in Oblivion am I supposed to look after all that, being abandoned and then having to trudge through snow in nothing but rags? On an empty stomach as well?!
"I don't feel well," Vilkas couldn't help but grumble.
"What happened?"
"I don't remember," annoyance spiked into Vilkas' voice. He was tired of answering the question over and over. "I woke up alone in a bandit camp to the east."
"Did anyone see you?" Skjor perked up.
"I don't know!" Vilkas shot a look at him. "I just told you I can't remember. I woke up to dead bodies all around. I have no idea if those were all of them."
Skjor and Kodlak exchanged a look.
"You should have-" Skjor started.
"No! YOU should have!" Vilkas snapped. "You were the ones responsible for the change! You were the experienced ones! Why did you watch over Farkas and Erika, but not me?"
"I knew you were capable-"
"You left me alone! When it was the first time! When there are Silver Hand members hunting for us around Whiterun! I almost got caught by a group of them when I was coming back! Without a weapon, because you didn't even tell us what would happen to us!" Vilkas got up, hitting the table.
"Calm down, Vilkas," Kodlak started in a soothing tone.
Vilkas' head snapped to him.
"Your eyes are glowing red."
"Well, that's another fucking thing you didn't tell me about!"
Vilkas knew he shouldn't be screaming. But the rage boiling in his throat was too much. It was bursting. He knew if he stomped that down, he would rot from the inside.
If he even could.
His breaths came in shaky and shallow. His legs were shaking and he could feel an uncomfortable itch in his fingers. He saw claws when he looked down.
Deep breaths. Take deeper breaths. Slowly. Good. Now make the stupid things go back. Back! It's my body and I will decide what it does!
When he opened his eyes, the claws were gone.
"Remarkable control," Kodlak nodded approvingly. "I expected no less from you."
"Little erratic, but you'll get the hang of it with time," even Skjor sounded pleased. "You will train with Aela-"
"No," Vilkas broke in. "I will not. You will train me," he looked at Kodlak, "or leave it up to me alone and live with the consequences. I'm done. I need food."
With that, he left, walking slowly and carefully on trembling legs.
XXX
"Carnage," Skjor commented once he and Aela finally found the camp Vilkas had raided the night of their change.
She laughed. "Magnificent! Mother was right about him."
Skjor frowned, but didn't comment. They made several rounds in the area to conclude if anyone escaped.
Few more bodies lay scattered in the woods.
From the scents, no one made it beyond the line of trees.
No need to hide the evidence. After all this time, the bodies have been mostly cleaned by wild animals, making the kills unrecognisable as a werewolf's rage.
"You should know, getting him to sire your pups will be probably impossible," Skjor noted as they were leaving. "You seem to have angered him by pushing too hard. And then there is the thing with the crazy witch laying claim to him."
"A witch?" Aela's face contorted. "I can dispose of unworthy competition."
"I don't think disposing of this one will be too easy," Skjor shuddered. "Besides, he's smart. No matter how well you hide it, he will find out. The bastard has a knack for sniffing out secrets."
"Are you saying I have to win him over? Shouldn't be too hard."
Skjor shook his head. "Just give up. He's not worth the trouble. Keep him as a frontline ripper, but no more."
"We should take them to the village soon," Aela disregarded his advice. "They need to learn. And honor the pact."
"No one ever wants to listen," Skjor grumbled.
XXX
The end of winter, 4E 190, Stonehill Mountains north of Whiterun
"Your control has improved. Good job, Vilkas," Kodlak patted him on the back once they transformed back into humans.
Vilkas was unsure how to feel about the praise. He was happy to receive it, yes, but...it was stained by resentment as well.
The Circle started putting on clothes. Vilkas was the fastest to finish, as he still felt uncomfortable naked, no matter how many times he transformed back and forth with the others.
He felt Aela's blazing gaze on his back.
She always stared and appraised. He hated it. She made him feel like a slab of meat on display in a stall.
I wish I could have gone to Falkreath. But Kodlak didn't want to go on any of the jobs there and wouldn't let me go alone.
They trekked the rest of the way in their human form. Aela and Skjor led them to a secret village hiding in the mountains. A village she was the chief of, now that Embla was dead.
The gate was built of sturdy wood. Thatch roof covered it on both sides and wooden statues of stags guarded the entrance. During their visits, they had seen cut stag heads hanging from the gate from time to time. It made Vilkas think of Yvaine and yet again bemoan the fact he couldn't have gone to Lakeview for a visit.
It is better this way. I wasn't ready to go without supervision. I could have killed someone.
Strangely enough Erika and Farkas didn't seem to have as much trouble as he did.
A group of three men welcomed them. Well, they welcomed Aela. They were tall, chiseled, accomplished hunters and, all of them, werewolves.
Members of her pack.
Apparently, right under all of the surrounding jarls' noses, a secret village of Hircine's cultists and werewolves existed. For as long as Aela's family lived there. And they had a deal with the Companions. In exchange for the help of their most skilled Huntress, the Circle would aid in keeping the village safe and hidden.
And participate in some hunts.
Vilkas loathed coming here. These people took to Hircine and shapeshifting with veneration and worship, which scared him.
Also, all the werewolf men would side eye him and throw sticks under his feet because Aela was showing interest.
They were doing it just now.
He growled quietly, which made them turn away. As much as he was still a newly turned werewolf, he already won a bloody reputation. Few times he couldn't stop and fell into a bloodrage. Farkas was the only one strong and skilled enough to immobilize him then.
Now it was the first night of twin full moons and they were supposed to go hunting in Hircine's name with the mountain pack.
The approaching night filled his heart with anxiety. Even the most skilled werewolf in the company, Aela, couldn't control her actions during twin full moons.
The villagers celebrated the Twin Night. In the center, where a large totem pole for Hircine stood, various offerings lay around, stacked into shapes the meaning of which eluded him.
Men and women, dressed in furs and barely covered, were dancing around the totem. Their bodies were covered in ritualistic paint, reminiscent of wounds animals could inflict.
Other villagers were drumming a lively rhythm.
The sound of it made Vilkas' Beast stir, as the sound reminded him of heartbeats.
He shook his head. When a woman came to him, reaching her hand out with the ritual paint, he growled at her and stepped away.
The other Companions, with the exception of Skjor and Aela, refused as well. They grouped up together in the shadows, away from the bonfire the cultists had lit up as the evening progressed.
"I like hunting," Erika grumbled, "but does it have to include this...weird stuff?" she motioned all around them.
"It is a deal our predecessors have sealed, and we need to keep it," Kodlak sighed. "Besides, it is safer to spend the moonrage around here, where there are almost no people to harm."
"What is going to happen during the moonrage?" Erika shivered. Her eyes darted to Vilkas.
"Everyone has a different reaction. But it always encompasses a hunt of sorts. It is the Night of the Hunter, and he will have his due." He looked up to the darkening sky. "Let us prepare. The Night is upon us."
XXX
Mori was sailing the night sky on an owl's wings.
After being cooped up in Lakeview for whole three months, she desperately needed some wandering freedom.
At least Falco taught me some nice new recipes. I want to try them out with Vilkas...I wonder, is there a kitchen available anywhere in Whiterun...
The wind whistled under her wings. Giants were singing around the spirit stone she had visited and helped replenish, grinding mammoth tusks into powder. Their voices grew softer and softer as Mori let the winds carry her further away.
The night shone brightly. Stars glistened in the sky like sunlit snow and the twin moons, unfathomably large, hung high above the ground.
I wouldn't even need the sight of an owl to see properly.
Echo of howls carried over to her ears.
Those are not wolves.
She steered, taking direction towards the noise. Silently she slid through the night, descending closer to the stony hillsides.
This mountain range is where I first ran across Embla. It was quite the distance away still, but...there might be a pack.
Indeed. Soon enough the twang of werewolf's presence hit her senses - manyfold.
Broken branches, how many are there? At least sixteen.
That's alarmingly many.
During the Night of the Hunter...
She pulled her wings close to her body. The fall would usually fill her with excitement, but tonight, she only felt anxiety.
Is Vilkas there too?
Did they change him?
Her wings spread once more. Below, she saw a pack of four werewolves keeping together. None she knew.
Further away three ran together.
Familiar.
The white one was for sure Kodlak the leader. She flew over them. Farkas. And the one they treated as a sister.
Where is Vilkas?
The werewolves were spreading around, some very loud, others silent. The first pack had already happened upon prey, and now went into hunting mode.
There was a lone one, running away like a shooting star.
That could be him. Let's see.
Mori's wings slid through the air, caressing it silently. The direction went down the mountainside, so she pulled her wings closer for the speed increase. There were few beasts that could outrun a werewolf.
As she neared her mark, she spread her wings again. She could already see the fast moving shadow in the distance.
It is him.
He's in a bad shape. What in endless bog lakes? The others looked perfectly fine.
As she flew over him, his head turned up. She could see the red glow of Hunter's insanity. A shudder shook her body.
He jumped.
Mori flapped her wings in alarm.
His jaws closed just below her tail plumage.
Aha. Completely consumed by bloodlust. Did they not let him feed? Or just...didn't tell him he should?
She hooted angrily. He ran along her flight, insane eyes trained up.
I don't want to.
Don't make me do it to you. Snap out of it.
Please.
Her silent plea went unanswered. He jumped on a rock and leapt, trying to catch her again.
Mori shifted. Leopard and werewolf collided midair. Claws retracted, she pushed her paws on his throat.
His claws ripped her back open.
They hit the ground. Mori managed to stay on top, pushing the air out of his lungs with her weight.
She slapped him with a paw, then stepped on his arms, trying to pin him down.
Snap out of it!
He roared, snapped his jaws wildly at her, kicked and clawed. With a powerful kick in the stomach he threw her off.
She hit the ground. Two rolls later, she stopped moving.
She lifted her head. Eyes overflowing with red rage and an open maw, filled with glistening white fangs, were upon her.
I'm sorry.
OBEY.
He stopped mid move, skidding to a screeching halt. The insanity boiling inside tried to break the boundary of her command, but she wouldn't let it. He remained frozen in place, mouth hanging open, quiet growls gurgling in his throat.
She could see the violent tremors running through his whole body.
He needs to eat.
Mori pulled herself up. There were some deer in the area, they just needed to find them and kill them.
Come, let us hunt.
XXX
He ate three deer.
Three full deer. Then the bloodrage subsided somewhat. It remained due to the Night of the Hunter, but it was much easier to contain.
Mori led him to a hiding spot she had found a year or so ago. The inside was still intact, thanks to a warding effigy she left behind.
I wasn't expecting it to last for so long. Good it did.
There was a simple nest-bed - she just needed to add some cover over it, which she brought in her emergency pack. She shifted into a woman and put a fur blanket over.
"Lie there," she ordered.
Vilkas obeyed. The glowing red eyes never left her movements, glint of hunger in them still.
Mori moved her shoulders. The bleeding cuts on her back hurt. Not too badly, though. She could at least treat the cut on her side from when he kicked her off, but the back would have to wait.
I don't dare use healing magic when I have to keep him on a leash. One mistake would be fatal.
She sat down next to him.
His hackles raised.
"Shush, you," she mumbled. She started cleaning her wound. Every time Vilkas tried snapping at her fingers, she slapped his nose and forced him down.
I need to get better at this. Good enough so I don't need to focus all the time to keep him in check.
She finished binding herself.
A look to the side revealed red eyes and bright fangs shining in a mass of bristled black fur.
"You're going to hate yourself in the morning, aren't you," she sighed. "We'll deal with that when it's time for it."
She scratched him behind one ear and sat down, wrapping herself in a cloak. Humming, she kept concentration on the spell.
Come morning, his eyes closed and his body went limp.
XXX
A quiet song pulled him from his bleak non-existence. The unknown words and bewitching lilt snuck up into his very being, luring him out of the cage he had been shoved to once the moons flared in the sky.
The tune was melancholic. Her voice made his heart ache, as much as he couldn't understand the words.
He wanted to reach out to console the songstress, but his body was stiff, refusing to obey his wishes.
As he shifted, a quiet groan escaped him.
A gentle hand touched his head. The fingers slid into his hair, caressing sweetly.
The song is for me.
More sensations slowly came to him as his consciousness settled back into his body. He was warm. Covered in soft fabric. He didn't feel nausea or hunger.
I'm safe.
His chest tightened with the desire to cry in relief.
I'm safe...
The voice was calling him. Finally in control enough, he opened his eyes. He saw a petite figure, crowned by streams of starlight. Once his blurry vision started to settle, the stream of light focused into strands of flaxen hair.
"Mori?" his voice was barely a whisper. "Am I dreaming?
The song stopped. Her face turned, the smile on her lips reflecting in her enchanting black eyes. "No."
"How are you he-" he started reaching out, but froze mid movement. He started shivering once realisation kicked in. He pulled away, almost jumping up. Fear gripped his bones with its icy hands.
"I'm-are you-" his eyes frantically darted all over her. She was pale. The skin under her eyes turned sullen. Tiredness could be seen weighing on her lowered shoulders.
"D-d-did I-I-" he started stammering, inching away.
"Don't leave." It was as much a plea as a command. He didn't feel any pressure or compulsion to obey, yet he did.
"Help me, please," she turned her back to him and lowered her cloak.
Vilkas' eyes widened. Her back was covered in blood, as well as her hair. His breathing grew shallower and faster.
"I did that, didn't-"
"Help me," she breathed out. She slumped against the wall of the little cave they were in. "Please."
He inched closer. "Do you ha-have any-anything to p-put on?"
"Clean with clear liquid. Put green paste on, then bind."
He did as she instructed. All of the things needed sat prepared next to the nest they were on. She winced every now and then while he worked.
I did that.
I couldn't control myself.
I'm a disgusting monster. Not worthy. Not good. No wonder they always abandon me. Except Farkas, who can't.
After he finished bandaging her wounds, he started pulling away. Faster than a snake, she grabbed his wrist.
"Don't leave," only a plea remained. She was tired and desperate - he didn't have the heart to follow through with his withdrawal. Relief filled her eyes when he stopped moving.
She lay down on her side, resting her head on his lap. "I just need to rest a little," she mumbled, her eyes closing. "I sent a crow after Farkas, you don't have to worry."
With that, her breathing deepened.
She still trusts me?
She trusts me...
He touched her shoulder as lightly as he could. She mumbled something, nuzzled against him more and continued sleeping.
He shivered. While he felt warm covered under a blanket, sitting with his torso bare in the cold air was not comfortable. A quick look around revealed his pack and some more of Mori's supplies.
He reached for the pack. It had an extra cloak and a blanket. He covered Mori with hers a bit better, then laid his blanket over her. He wrapped his cloak around his shoulders and leaned against the cave wall.
Now he had to wait.
XXX
Farkas spent his first night as a wolf speeding through the plains like a caffeinated squirrel. Aela and Skjor just couldn't catch him and only got to him when he happened upon a friendly giant who decided to play fetch with the strange dog thing.
That's my interpretation of "Farkas gave us trouble," as Aela says ingame :)