Ch 7

The next few weeks were challenging. Both had been true to their promises as they tried to approach the issue calmly and rationally while trying to ignore the searing pain they each felt at the idea of being apart for any length of time, let alone for three years. Harry had been shocked. Becky had been supportive. And, Kingsley had been delighted. Their parents and George, however, were much more complicated in their reactions.

The Grangers were thrilled that Hermione could attend a prestigious muggle university, but pained at the idea of being yet again on a different continent than their only child. Arthur was very supportive, but admittedly partially biased due to his excitement of a muggle / magical program. Molly was against all of it – against Hermione going, against Ron being an auror and against changing anything at all. George, while upset at the idea of Ron being gone for training took the interesting approach of considering it a wise business investment in future security lines for increased connections with Magical Law Enforcement. Ron had taken that opportunity to show George the business plan he had been developing on exactly that type of business for the shop, and soon the two ginger wizards were lost in the excitement of business dreams.

Despite the fact that their friends and family were more supportive than not, Ron still wasn't convinced that it was a good idea. He still couldn't picture being apart like that without feeling physically sick to his stomach. But, he kept trying to see the end goal – picturing he and Hermione years down the road each happy and fulfilled in their work thanks to the sacrifices they'd made. But, to try and think clearly he had been running. A lot. He'd had to charm his trainers several times to keep the soles from completely wearing through.

The first Saturday in June he was up with the sun, but George had said he'd work the whole weekend. So, Ron got up, left a note, laced up and headed out for a very long run.

When Hermione woke shortly after Ron left, she saw the note he left and was glad he was going to go off and take care of himself for a bit. The more he ran, the more she'd noticed he could sort through his own thoughts and feelings on things. She was almost envious of this new found secret way to focus that Ron had discovered. She felt like she still needed to talk through things with people she trusted to figure her feelings out sometimes. And with that thought in mind she decided to corner her favorite raven haired wizard.

Harry had been thrilled at Hermione's suggestion of going out to a local muggle restaurant for breakfast. They rarely did things just the two of them anymore, but whenever they did they both enjoyed the anonymity that the muggle world offered as well as the slight nostalgia of the experience. Once they had their food and had started to tuck in, Harry seemed to jump immediately into addressing the elephant in the room.

"So, New York, huh?"

"New York, New York," Hermione sang back with a bit of a laugh. "Sometimes it seems absurd to even be talking about it let alone actually considering it. And other times it seems like it is the most obvious path."

"Have you ever been to New York, or even to America?"

"No," she admitted. "But, I figured I managed the culture shock of going from muggle England to magical England, how much worse could it be?"

"Hermione, you know you should never tempt fate by asking such a stupid question," he laughed.

"Fair," she conceded. "I guess I'm not too worried about going to New York. You and I know we can survive wherever we need to. And I've been upfront with Ron that if I get there and it's not working for either one of us to be so far apart that I will just come home."

"Well, I think that's smart."

"Of course I could come running home and Ron be gone for training, and then I'd still be in a world of hurt."

"Well you wouldn't be alone. I'd be here, your parents, the Weasleys."

"I know. You're right. Just a lot of moving pieces in this decision. And I feel so guilty for bringing all of the turmoil by discovering the program at Columbia."

"Don't feel guilty. I had actually secretly wondered if part of the motivation was to find a way to get Ron to become an auror."

She gave him a half smile. "It's complicated, Harry. I want nothing more than for him to be safe and happy. But the thing is, I am not yet convinced he is happy when he is safe. Kind of like you."

He gave her an apologetic smile as he sipped his tea.

"I don't want to be married to an auror forever. The stress of it would do me in. I don't know how you and Ginny are working through all of that – but it is a lot to ask of someone to be ok with sending off their partner knowing every day they are in danger. But, at the same time – if he doesn't try it he will always regret it. It will be just like quidditch in school – he just needs to believe he can do it and then he can decided if he wants to keep doing it. But if he never has the choice I think it will be a weight he will carry around for a very, very long time."

"He'd be brilliant at it, you know."

"Oh, I know. Laid back, hyper observant, thinks five steps ahead, creative. Not to mention rather practiced at defensive dueling. Just need him to stay safe."

"But I think you're right. I don't know that he could do it forever. He's just too...I don't know...too optimistic or something. The aurors I work with are all these cynical old sods. Ron is too quick to lighten things up to enjoy it forever."

"But you do?"

"Well, I've got quite a bit of practice at being cynical and brooding all of the time. I fit in quite nicely, actually," he smirked, which made Hermione laugh. Then he added, "Can I ask you a serious question, though?"

"Of course."

"Do you think you'll really be ok in New York by yourself? I mean – I know you'd love the work and enjoy the studies. But, living alone, not knowing anyone as a support. What about nightmares or working to be healthy again? I worry about you there by yourself. And then I worry about your safety too. S'pose I always will."

She sighed and tucked a stray curl behind her ear. "Obviously I have put a lot of thought into those exact questions, Harry. And I have no way to know for sure. But, as for safety, I think I am at least as safe in New York as I am in London, if not more so. As for being healthy, I think I would need to set up some reminder system or something, but I think it can be done. I'm committed to gaining that last bit of weight back because I know what's at stake. But as for being lonely or emotionally healthy? I have no idea. That's what scares me the most about the whole thing. I'm not as bad at making friends as I was at eleven. But, I'm still not great at it. But, then again, only people who are as in love with learning as I am would ever want to do this kind of program, so many there is some self-selection in my favor. But in the end, I have to just face the fact that there are only two people on the earth who really understand what I've gone through. And, since I can't build my life to hang out with you and Ron 24 hours a day, then I should probably just get on with it and figure it out now."

"Easier said than done."

"Yes. Yes it is."

"And you think the program is that good – good enough to make it all worth it?"

"I think so, but again I can't really know at this point. But, I would make a lot of great contacts, get to see how the changes have been effective in another country to use as a jumping off point for what I would want to do back here. And the reputation of the professors is fantastic."

"So what's the hesitation I see in your face?"

"Ron. Worrying about him, and about us."

"Well, I know I missed Ginny terribly when I was away, but I was so damn busy in training I didn't have time to let it mess with me too much. They run the candidates into the ground between studies and physical training, and by the time I made it back to my bunk I could barely stay awake long enough to brush my teeth."

"That's good then, right? I mean, I would be home at Christmas like you were. I don't know about Easter vacation and how that would line up. And then I would be home in the summer."

"I think the first year would be fine. He'll be so busy he won't know what hit him. Though – he wouldn't be able to write you or call you much if you were struggling. Or even if you weren't."

She sighed. "And after the first year?"

"Well, then...then we take it as it comes I suppose. He'll probably still be run into the ground by running around between working as a new auror and jumping back into helping George."

"True. But...then he'll be back in the same hell he just came out of where he works himself into the ground and doesn't allow himself a moment to take care of himself let alone do something to make himself happy for a while."

"Yeah. That. But then again, it could be good for him to learn to live on his own a bit – well, with me and Gin on his own anyway," he added with a chuckle.

Hermione sighed. "So, are you saying I shouldn't go? I should just stay in England and he should stay at the shop?"

"Oh I'm not saying anything either way. I just want you both to be sure you can handle it and that you'll be ok with how the other changes or evolves in the process."

"Do you think we would change so much it would be a problem?"

"No, I don't think so. But you can't rule out the possibility, and you would need to be prepared for that outcome."

"No, I don't need to do any such thing. I would just come home."

He just pursed his lips and stared at her.

Hermione sipped her tea and blinked several times. "I didn't think being grown up would be this hard, Harry."

He gave her a sad smile and reached out for her hand. "Oh Hermione," he sighed. "I think that it's really that life is that hard - childhood, adulthood – doesn't matter. We've just had a rough go of it. But when you think back, you have to admit it's ever so much better than it was in the tent. I mean, I never really thought we'd get a chance at being grown up, did you?"

"Not at that point in everything, no."

"Well, I don't know what decision you will make, Hermione. But, I have known you long enough to know that whatever you decide will be the right one. You are so smart and so talented and so loved and so in love that you two will make it work. You've accomplished impossible tasks before, why should this be any different? I mean when we left on the horcrux hunt we had no idea what we were doing. But it worked out. I have to believe that this wouldn't be any different."

By late-July, not only had they not made a decision, but Hermione hadn't even figured out how to make the decision, and Ron had noticed that it was beginning to impact her health. She had clearly been skipping a few meals and he was relatively sure she had lost some weight. And, while he was not looking forward to the idea of committing to being apart, he realized they needed to make a decision so their energy could be put into either getting ready or moving on instead of on worrying and worrying about what to do. But, since talking about the issue in circles over meals hadn't gotten them anywhere, the morning after Harry's birthday party he suggested an appointment to go see Becky together, and she'd agreed.

A few days later they were once again sitting nervously in the waiting room of Becky's office when she came to get them. They held hands tightly and didn't say a word as they walked down the now familiar hallway to her office.

Becky closed the door, took a seat and smiled at them. "So, you're here to make a decision then?"

They both nodded but said nothing.

"Ok," she said slowly, taking in their nervous body language. "Do you have a sense of how you want to do this today?"

They both gave a small chuckle and finally Hermione admitted, "Not really. We're just stuck talking in circles."

"Yeah, and I think we need decide to do it or move on. We're making ourselves sick at this point."

"Alright. Is there a particular point or issue where you seem to get stuck in the conversation?"

Hermione looked at Ron, and finally he spoke. "I think neither one of us wants to say what we think first in case it is different than the other person. We both want what is best for each other more than what is best for ourselves. In chess the player who moves first sets the tone of the game. Neither of us wants to do that in this case."

"Ah. Ok. I see. Hermione, does that sum up your perspective as well?"

"Pretty much."

Becky nodded and thought for a moment before standing and walking back over to her desk. "I believe – or at least I hope – that we have worked together long enough now that you can trust me on this. I am going to give each of you a piece of paper and a pen. I want you to write down on it what you think you should do. Then you give those to me. If you each say the same thing, whether it is for Hermione to go to New York or to stay, I will show you the pages"

"Well, but then if you don't show us then we know what the other said anyway, so how does that help?" Ron asked.

"Because if we disagree then I simply don't go. I think it's a great approach, Becky. This way we have to each be honest and can't hedge what we say to protect the other's feelings."

Becky nodded. "This and veritaserum would both get you there. But it's not the only approach, so if either of you aren't comfortable with it, please let me know."

Hermione and Ron both sighed and nodded, and Becky handed them the pieces of paper. A few minutes later, Becky turned the completed sheets back to face them. "You both think she should go to New York," she said simply.

Ron shut his eyes and said nothing while Hermione started crying quietly.

After a moment with no one speaking, Becky said, "Are you both alright?"

Hermione wiped her eyes, nodded and said, "Um, just emotional. I think I would have cried either way, but I'm relieved we agreed."

Ron squeezed her hand and finally opened his eyes. "Um, yeah. Just a lot to absorb." He said in a gruff voice.

"Do you two want to talk about this, or did you just need help with the decision?"

They glanced at each other and then back at Becky. Finally Ron said, "I think we just needed help with the decision. I guess we just need to go now and start figuring it all out."

"Well, yes, but I would suggest not diving into the logistical details today. For now why don't you just take some time to be together for a bit."

They nodded, and Hermione gave Becky a hug before they left. As they walked out of the office, they still weren't saying much.

"Do you have to go back to the shop?" Hermione asked.

Ron shook his head, "Nah, I told George I wouldn't be back. Figured either way I wouldn'tve been of any use."

She nodded. "Um, then once we get to the apperation point, will you take us home?"

He smiled, kissed her hand and nodded, and a few moments later they were in their bedroom at Grimmauld Place. As they landed, Hermione didn't let go of his hand as she would usually do. Sensing this, Ron simply sat on the bed and pulled her to him, and soon they had curled up together on the bed, each clinging to the other, and neither wanting to let go.

Hermione had buried her head into the crook of his neck, and he could feel the moisture from her tears coming through his shirt. But, he couldn't say much, as he knew he was on the verge of tears himself. Three years. Three fucking years apart. How the hell would they do this?

After a while – he wasn't sure if it was half an hour or several hours, he'd felt her hands shift from comforting caresses to a more sensual and desperate feel. Then he started to feel her lips on his neck and then his ear, and he could feel his body responding before he had a chance for his brain to catch up. As her hand moved down to stroke him through his trousers he heard himself groan, and before he'd realized it, he'd rolled to hover over her, crushing his lips to hers. He put everything into that kiss that he couldn't find the words to describe. How he loved her. How proud he was of her for pursuing her dreams. How grateful he was for her finding a way for him to pursue his. How devastated he was to think of being apart for so long. How terrified he was of the idea of her being alone in New York. How torn he was. All of it in one searing kiss. She seemed to be doing the same, and before they knew it they had both shed all of their clothing. This was not a moment for soft, tender love making. Both seemed to have a strong, primal need to have the other know just what they did to them. They were biting and marking each other more than they ever had in their years together. And soon Ron was pulsing into her with as much fervor as he could remember. Finally, spent and exhausted they curled back into each other and fell asleep.

Hermione awoke just before 5 the following morning, but the mid-summer sun rose so early she could see Ron had been watching her sleep. He noticed her waking and kissed her bare shoulder where a red mark from the night before was visible.

"Morning," he said with a scratchy voice. "You ok? We – uh – we were pretty rough last night."

She smiled and the blush ran to her cheeks. "I guess we were, but I think it was exactly what we both needed, don't you," she said as she ran her fingers over her own mark on his skin.

"Yeah. I just never want to hurt you, Hermione. Ever. In any way."

"You didn't, Ron. I promise. It was exactly what I needed. We both had so many conflicting emotions around all of this that we just needed that cathartic release, I think. I feel better this morning. Nervous and terrified and excited, but better. Thanks for pushing the decision. We both needed it."

He tried to smile, but it wasn't convincing, and he knew it, so he leaned down to kiss her instead.

"We'll be ok, Ron. And if we ever feel we aren't, then I'll come home straight away."

"I know," he said in a husky voice. "And I really do think it's the best decision for both of us individually and as couple long term. But it's still going to suck. Like taking skelegrow, I suppose. Miserable to go through. But sure as hell wouldn't want to not have it, and once on the other side I'm always grateful for it. But still always feel like I'm gonna be sick right before I take the first dose."

"Accurate. Maybe not poetic, but accurate to be sure."

"I love you, Hermione. We'll get through it. But we'll have to be even more patient with each other as the next six weeks are going to be pretty trying."

"We've been through worse."

"Have we, though? There are only a few things I have survived without you by my side – when I left, when I was in the dungeon at Malfoy Manor and when you were petrified – and each of those were bloody awful. I'm not sure my track record for going it alone is strong. I'm sure I'll muddle through and figure it out, but it won't be pretty."

"We have been through worse, Ron. This time no one is trying to kill us or kill a whole group of people or take over the world. It's just us. Our pain is just ours. That doesn't make it less painful to either of us, I suppose, but the pressure to save the world isn't there. So we can get lost in books or milkshakes or whatever it is we will find to try and drown our sorrows for a bit. And even in the worst case, in less than three years we will be right back here in each other's arms."

He tried to give her a smirk, but it came across as more of a sad smile. "I should have trusted that you would have a logical plan to why it won't be the most awful experience of our lives," he chuckled, but the smile still didn't reach his eyes.

"Oh it will suck," she assured him. "But..." she said as she gave him an evil grin. "If you simply change the way you look at it..."

With that, she quickly straddled him.

"Hermione?" he asked weakly.

"Just demonstrating that if you change the way you look at things, sucking could be considered a good thing," she commented cheekily as she unbuckled his belt.

"My brilliant, brilliant witch," he muttered as his eyes fell shut and his head fell back against the pillow.