Chapter 4

Warning: mention of suicide or attempted suicide.

"You said it! You said it would be fine!"

Rosalie tried to stop her but she lunged at the doctor with a force she didn't know she had in her. She felt arms stronger than her friend's trying to make her let go but this wasn't her, she was out of her mind.

"Ma'am, please understand. An embolism is something that happens suddenly. There is no way to prevent or know…" the poor doctor tried to reason with her.

"I'm alone! I'm all alone because of you! "

The world dissolved into a horrifying singularity – alone. Her husband. Her son, barely three years old, a joyous splash of light in her life – gone. A drunk driver had stolen them both. Her husband, clinging to life after surgery, had succumbed. A wave of despair so profound it choked the air from her lungs crashed over her. In a primal surge of grief and fury, a glint of metal caught her eye – the security guard's holstered gun. Before anyone could react, her hand shot out, fingers wrapping around the weapon. The room held its breath, caught in the sudden, terrifying shift.

"Bella..." she heard Rosalie say. "Bella put that down. Don't do something stupid."

"You don't understand Rosalie. I have to go with them. I'll be fine with them," she put the gun to her head. "Mom's coming, Alec.".

But everything went black without her ever pulling the trigger.

"What do you mean what the hell am I doing here? I haven't heard from you for three years. You could be dead and I wouldn't even know," the bronze-haired man in front of me responded; his concern now turned into annoyance.

"Well, I'm not! They didn't let me die! Now get out of my house or my dog will attack you!"

Seeing me so upset, Max tensed and looked at the intruder aggressively. Max was not aggressive, but he was putting on a hell of a performance.

"Of course, your plush is terrifying," he said sarcastically. "Please, Bella. We need to talk. I won't let you leave before we've done it."

"Well, I have a pepper spray that says the opposite," I said, taking it out of my bag and pointing it. "Leave."

He sighed and walked away from me going to a car that I hadn't noticed during my panic attack. It appeared to be a rental car. I ignored him and headed home with Max trailing behind me.

"Good night, Bella," I heard him call before I entered my house.

"Damn, Edward," I sighed.

"Damn it Rosalie, you could have insisted," I said desperately.

"Yes, Bella. Because it's not like I can find your picture under the word stubborn in the dictionary," I could almost see her roll her eyes.

"I can't believe he's here," I sighed, throwing myself onto the bed. Max must've thought it was time to sleep because he lay on top of me, leaving me gasping for air.

"Bella… I know you don't want to hear this but you have a long history together. I think it would be good if you talked. He was your best friend for a long time."

"Yes, until he treated my family as something replaceable."

"That's not what he meant, you know he's not my favorite person after what happened but I know he wouldn't say that…"

I hated it when she was right. But I wouldn't admit that she was right. I couldn't forgive him.

"By the way, how was the date?" I was grateful that she changed the subject.

"It was good," I said, feeling my heart speed up a little.

"That's all? Are you going to leave me without information just because I didn't tell you about Edward? Which, if I remember correctly, you didn't let me do," she whined.

"Okay, okay. But add Alice to the call. I don't want to tell the story twice."

That call was like being in college again. I hadn't dated much in high school, nor during my first years of college, but we always had calls like that when they were out with someone. I still remember the chaos that was caused when I went out with Dimitri for the first time. They didn't believe I had a date so I left them in the dark about it. My phone kept ringing with worried calls from my roommates asking where I was. It wasn't until I posted a photo of my date on social media that the group chat exploded. Dimitri couldn't stop laughing with each message received.

The hole in my chest gained strength but I did my technique and had Max close.

"Well, Jacod just talked to Jasper and said that he was very intrigued by you. He likes you," Alice admitted.

I felt myself blushing again. It was a familiar and strange feeling at the same time.

"We haven't done this in a while," Alice noted. "I missed it. We should just get together, the three of us. Let our husbands stay with the children."

"Don't worry, mine is already taking care of that," I said without thinking.

There was a dead silence and then… laughter. Laughter. I could not believe it.

"Bella, you can't keep doing that," Rosalie said between laughter and tears. "We can't be so compassionate."

"I'm glad you're finally laughing at my jokes and don't treat me as if I were defective. I hate it."

"We're sorry, Bella," Alice said, catching her breath. "Thank you for telling us. We are here for you. Always."

"Always," Rosalie added.

"Always," I concluded. It was our promise. "Alice, guess who showed up at my door?"

"Rosalie's cousin," Alice said.

"Did everyone know?" I almost screamed into the phone.

"You didn't want to know! " they both shouted simultaneously, startling Max.

The phone thumped lifelessly on the nightstand, its finality mirroring the hollowness in my chest. I lay there, unmoving, Max a furry weight on my unclothed form. Pajamas seemed a monumental effort, and the energy drained from me. My aching feet protested the confines of my shoes, yet it felt insignificant. He had been there. After a decade, his face, etched with maturity, swam before my closed eyes. Green eyes, unchanged, mirrored the ones I'd seen last – at the restaurant. A fragile truce had existed since, shattered on the jagged edges of grief at the funeral. And now, he was here.

That was not good. It was dangerous. He had to go. I couldn't see him. I couldn't let him in. And nothing was keeping us apart aside from my resentment, and I didn't know how long I would last.

"What do I do, Max?"

Max looked at me as if he were scolding me for keeping him awake. I decided to stay there and not worry about my clothes. Tomorrow would be a new day. It would be a better day at work. Maybe I would talk to Jacob for a while. And I would avoid Edward Cullen as much as possible.

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