Chapter 11

"The US!? Why are you moving to the US?" Edward shouted in shock.

"My father's work visa has expired," Bella explained sadly. "The university transferred him back."

"But," Edward said, "it's not fair. I... you... Bella, I…"

"I know," she interrupted. "I'll miss you too."

That's not what he meant. He wanted to tell her everything he felt for her. That his world had color thanks to her. That everything he knew about what love was because of her. But he couldn't tell her. That would break both of their hearts. He only had to resign himself to the fact that he would lose his best friend, his confidant, and the love of his short life.

Thanks for the evening, Bella. I hope to see you soon.

Hello girlfriend, do you want to do something later?

The insistent buzzing of my phone felt like a swarm of angry bees trapped inside my skull. I stared at the messages, "Edward" and "Jake" glaring back, accusations in digital ink. My haven, the sanctuary of my messy room, was breached. Jake's confession echoed in my head, a melody tinged with hope, but a discordant note kept tripping me up.

Edward. Just the name sent a jolt of conflicting emotions through me. Anger, yes, but something else too, a thick, murky feeling I couldn't quite grasp. Therapy hadn't helped. The therapist's platitudes felt hollow against the towering wall of my resentment. Was I overreacting? Maybe. But a part of me, a bruised and terrified part, clung to that anger, afraid to let go, afraid of what lay beneath.

A satisfying yank dislodged another stubborn weed. This was just the distraction I needed to release everything. Max was resting near the glass door. Then, the sound of the rusty fence gate creaking open shattered the peaceful afternoon. I whirled around, weed still in hand, to find Edward Cullen standing there. He wasn't in his usual battle gear, but even in casual clothes, he managed to project an air of quiet intensity. My breath hitched, and for a moment, the only sound was the frantic hammering of my heart.

"Hello," he said. "I knocked on the door but no one answered. I heard muffled screams and thought it was you. Are you okay?"

I was screaming? Oof.

"Everything's fine," I lied. "Weeds are pretty tough. What are you doing here? I thought you had a shift at the hospital."

"Me too, but they ended up not needing me and I thought maybe you would be free. Would you like to go for a walk? You can bring your plushy."

"Max," I corrected him, rolling my eyes. "Um… yes, why not? Let me…" I hesitated for a moment.

"I think you look good like this," he said, guessing my thoughts, putting his hands in his pockets and looking up.

I hated when he did that. He looked so attractive. Ugh no. Stop.

"Thanks, I just have to grab Max's leash and we can go."

At the mention of his leash, Max began to spin around with excitement. I went in and out quickly and there they were both waiting for me. I was going to suggest Edward go to the park near my house but I didn't know Jake's schedule and I didn't want to risk finding him. I knew it was wrong to hide things from my "boyfriend" but I didn't know if I was ready for Edward to know yet. I chose to go to a path surrounded by cherry blossoms, my favorites.

We walked side-by-side, the silence stretching between us like a taut rope. It wasn't awkward, exactly, but thrummed with an undercurrent I couldn't quite identify. A prickle of anticipation danced on my skin, making my fingers itch. When I couldn't resist any longer, I stole a glance at him from the corner of my eye. His head snapped towards me at the exact same moment, and a blush flooded my cheeks as hot as the afternoon sun. Max, blissfully unaware of the drama unfolding around him, skipped ahead, a fluffy white dandelion puff bobbing merrily in his tiny paw.

"I enjoyed yesterday's meal," Edward commented. "I'm sorry I had to go. I hope I didn't miss too much."

I guess what I'm saying is, would you be my girlfriend?

"No, nothing," I answered quickly.

He looked at me suspiciously, but thank God he didn't ask more.

"Did everything go well with your emergency?" I asked, changing the subject.

"Thankfully, yes. I have a little boy with an autoimmune disease and he got pneumonia. That can be very dangerous for someone in his condition. We had to intubate him, but this morning he was doing much better."

That's when I noticed that Edward looked tired. Had he stayed up all night taking care of the little boy? What were we even doing outside? He should've been resting.

I was about to suggest going back so he could rest when a clap of thunder made us both jump, me more than him as I literally jumped into his arms. I felt an electric current when I was in his arms, which caused me to jump away from him. What the fuck was that?

"Are you okay?" he asked, looking a little worried.

"I don't like thunder," I replied. At that moment there was another clap of thunder, causing me to jump again while letting out a small yelp, and was accompanied by a tremendous amount of rain. "Quick! We need to get out of the rain!"

Max heard the command and pulled me towards the house against my will with Edward following behind. Max was scared of thunder as well which caused him to run more erratically. I almost let go of the leash because of how hard he was pulling but Edward took my hand to help me. Again I felt that damn current run through my body. I hadn't felt it in a long time.

The monsoon had turned our street into a raging river when we finally made it to my house. By the time we finally reached my doorstep, we were shivering wrecks, teeth chattering and clothes plastered uncomfortably to our skin. I told Edward that I had some of my dad's old clothes that I could lend him while I put his own in the dryer. Given the condition of the street, it would not be possible for him to go home.

I ran to the guest room to get a change of clothes for Edward and after handing him the clothes, I went to mine to change. I was about to put on my new shirt when another clap of thunder sounded making me scream. Edward came running along with Max and found me in shorts and a bra. We both froze for a moment before I screamed again and threw something at him.

"Sorry!" he shouted from the hallway. "I got worried when I heard you scream."

"Idiot," I mumbled, blushing.

When I left my room, Edward was sitting on the couch blushing too. I sat in the chair opposite him and looked out the window. It seemed like we would stay there for a long time.

"Do you want to watch something on television?" I asked.

"That's okay, I don't feel like watching anything," he replied. There was silence for a bit. "What did you eat today?" he asked out of nowhere.

"Tuna," I said, surprised. "I don't understand where that is coming from."

"I used to ask you that every day," he explained, reminding me of those days when we talked every chance we had and about anything we could. "That and the song of the day."

I smiled.

"Oh, yeah."

We stayed quiet for a bit observing the rain.

"By the way, may I use your bathroom?" he asked, getting up and walking towards the hallway where my bedroom was.

"Sure, down the hall to the right," I explained just as a clap of thunder caused me to jump a little. I was a coward.

I got up to make sure Edward had heard me when I saw the door open and him looking around the room. I practically ran to him.

"No! What the hell are you doing?! What made you think it was okay to open this door?" I yelled.

"Sorry... I... I didn't know, I just heard you say 'down the hall'..."

"Get out! I don't want you near that room! Out!" I began to hit him in the chest and with each blow the hole in my own chest grew a little more. I didn't even realize that he had backed up to avoid my blows. Now I was in the room. In the room that had not been opened in 3 years.

"Bella, calm down," he tried to hold me but I screamed terrified

The air grew thick and heavy, a suffocating weight pressing down on my chest. Each shallow gasp scraped against my raw throat, a desperate fight for a single, precious breath. The walls seemed to ooze closer, the edges of the room shrinking with every panicked heartbeat. Should I just let go? Maybe this is the end… But a deep-seated instinct, a flicker of defiance, ignited within me. No. Not here. Not like this. In the hazy chaos, a single detail pierced through the fog – a dusty teddy bear, its one remaining button staring at me accusingly. A wave of nausea washed over me, and a primal scream ripped from my throat, a sound of pure, unadulterated terror.

I fell to the floor and Max came running to put his head on my chest. That didn't help. For the first time, I felt the need to push him off, his fur on my skin was irritating me. I feared that I would hurt him. It was then that strong arms embraced me. He hugged me so tightly that no matter how hard I fought, I couldn't free myself. I hit him, scratched him, screamed, I felt like I would die but he didn't let me go. He let me release everything I had inside. The hole wanted to kill me and I would die in Edward's arms. That was my last thought before I lost consciousness.