Confessional - Bowie
Slinging one leg over the other, Bowie started. "All right, all you beautiful people out there watching, there's only about two hours left until we have to go vote someone off our team. I was one of multiple people on my team to fail the challenge; Fish, Izzy, and Shawn seem like they're gonna make it through this elimination for making it to the dorms. Because of that, I had to figure out which of the other seven could make for the best first boot in the rest of the team's eyes. I figured now was as good a time as any to start mingling. I wanted to get to know them-assess them a little. Pick their brains. Probe them-not unlike an alien. No good king earns a crown without knowing about the members of his royal court. Isn't that right, Brook?" he asked the silver-haired intern behind the camera.
The girl hid herself, with only one eye visible to Bowie through her locks. "Yes," she mumbled.
"Hmm?"
"Yes," she repeated, hardly any louder.
"Jeez Luiz, they really weren't kidding about your quietness. There's no need to be so nervous, sweetheart."
End of confessional
With the sun setting and turning the sky a beautiful pink, the camera panned to Stephen sitting against one side of the massive academy building. Past him was a sidewalk with a fence. The emo teen stared up through his bangs to watch the sky, but there wasn't satisfaction nor peace in those eyes. A good thirty feet away, Alanna leaned against the brick wall and watched him, then she turned her glance to the sky as well, oblivious to Bowie approaching from the other side of her.
"Hey, you!"
Alanna jolted. "Christ, you scared the shit out of me."
"So sorry. Guess I'm a little sneakier than I thought I was."
"You want something from me?"
"I only wanted to ask you some questions, that's all. Hope that's okay," Bowie murmured.
"Okay."
"First, why don't you tell me a little about yourself?"
After the camera panned away from Bowie, Cody stood in a gymnasium, striking a punching bag and wincing and withdrawing his fist after each shot.
"Well, there's not too much to know about me that you can't- ow! Already see for yourself."
"That can't be great, then."
"Yeah, I'm an open book. Argh!" Cody shook out his fist. "I try to be the best possible version of myself that I can, you know? I'm here to make friends, maybe meet some girls, do stuff like that."
Bowie nodded. "Mmm. You seem unique. You know, not at all like a character archetype."
"Ayie!" Cody squealed, trotting away from the punching bag to shake out the pain in his fist. "Yep," he rasped. "What about you, homie? What's your story?"
The shot switched to Bowie sitting on the roof of the boys' dorm, basking underneath the setting sun with Shawn.
"Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah," Bowie protested. "This isn't about me, love, it's about you."
Shawn watched him with uncertain, suspicious eyes. "That doesn't calm me down any. You want me calm, don't you? That's what everyone wants! Everyone wants to live in a bubble! It's ludicrous! Well, guess what, pal? This is the real world, and here in the real world, sometimes the tranquility and peace you see in movies is just that!"
Bowie hesitated. "Uhm... a movie?"
"Fiction! Fiction!"
Bowie said nothing, then eventually let a sly grin show. Next, he feigned terror and stared behind Shawn. This made his eyes widen like none other. "Shawn, watch out, a zombie!"
He screamed, turning and diving over the side of the rooftop. Bowie cringed at the sound of him smacking against a couple of trash cans behind the dorm.
"Oof, maybe I should've shown an eensie bit of restraint."
"Nah, man, you're perfectly justified," Zee argued.
Now, Bowie and Zee sat against one of the academy building's walls, seated against it with their arms resting on their knees. Zee held an opened can of soda in one hand.
"Sounds to me like the rest of the homecoming court were just a bunch of jesters!" Zee exclaimed, then he let out a chuckle. "Get it? Jesters? Like, jesters in a king's court! You totally did the right thing, setting two of the candidates up together and then breaking them up to reduce the competition. Er, wait, that's actually pretty messed up now that I think about it..." Zee swished his hand through the air and smiled again. "Nah, I bet you had everyone's best interests at heart."
"Before we get any more caught up in my life," Bowie interrupted, "tell me more about your plan, Zee. What's your post merge plan if you make it that far?"
"Mmm. Man. Good question, dude. Hmm..." He took a slurp of his drink. "I would probably... Ooh! I got it! I would join up everyone in the cast into one big alliance, then we would join together and vote Mercutio out! Yes, that'd be perfect!"
"You do realize the game doesn't work that way, don't you?"
"Huh?" Zee uttered, staring obliviously.
"I said that sounds like a great plan. I'll be sure to be in an alliance with you by then."
He nodded. "Cool."
The shot panned to where Stephen was leaning against a brick wall further off from Bowie and Zee's spot. Stephen remained still and emotionless as Bowie strolled up to him.
"Stephen! Hi. Nice to see you. Got a couple of questions for y-"
"Fuck off."
Taken aback, Bowie blinked his eyes, then shook his head and started heading off. "Naughty naughty."
The next shot showed Bowie inside a gym, approaching a football dummy while Izzy clung to it.
"Could you- ergh!" Izzy sunk her teeth into the dummy, ripping out a big mound of its padding that she chewed up with tremendous difficulty. "Could you repeat the question?"
Bowie took a couple paces backward. "S-sure. Your post-merge plans. You have them, don't you?"
She spat it out. "Nope! I'm not worried about that!"
"But how, Izzy? You need a plan to make things work for you around here, and I don't mean chewing on inanimate objects."
"They can be animate objects," she argued.
"You can't go into this blind; take that approach, and you'd be better suited competing with Helen Keller for first place to exit a doorway."
"Guess we'll see when we get there!"
"Oh, really?"
"Mmhmm," Londyn answered with a big smile.
Fish and Londyn sat on the same step of a massive flight of stairs near the front of the building. The step they sat at was closer to the top, giving them a nice view of the entrance to the academy. Unbeknownst to them, Bowie hid behind a large stone platform part of the side structure to the staircase, spying.
Fish suddenly placed a hand on Londyn's thigh, stroking his hand underneath her skirt. "I've got a question for you, gorgeous. You ever been seduced by a guy who's gone down on a girl on the roof of a train before?"
Londyn flashed a face with a mixture of confusion and amusement on it, her tattooed cheeks burning up as Fish moved closer to her. "W-well, are we talking... recently?"
Then he kissed her. Cupping her cheek with his hand, he kept kissing her. The pair made out for a moment, Fish rubbing his hand along her thigh, then he eventually pulled away sporadically. Out of nowhere, he rushed down the flight of steps. Bowie veered around the other side of the staircase structure to keep hidden.
"Hey, you don't have to leave just yet, do you?"
"Sorry, hot stuff, but I gotta bounce."
Confessional - Bowie
"I didn't even get a chance to talk to Fish or Londyn before I found them sucking each other's face. However, I learned plenty about them without having to involve myself whatsoever. Thanks for the answers, I guess."
End of confessional
"No problem," Noah replied. Bowie and Noah stood in one of the aisles on the higher floor of the massive library. Noah closed his book shut and focused on Bowie, calling him over before he could leave. "Hey, Bowie."
"Hmm?"
"Why don't I ask you something now?"
He turned around and shrugged. "Go right ahead."
"Get any good responses from the others to this little interrogation of yours?"
Bowie raised an eyebrow. "The truth is Noah, no, I haven't been getting any good responses so far. Believe it or not, our teammates are quite short-sighted. It's pretty interesting, signing on for a show like this and winging it. However, I'm learning plenty about who these people are, which is valuable AF. When it comes to the intelligent responses contest though, you win. Hope that makes you happy."
Noah said nothing, and Bowie headed off for the short staircase to the lower level of the library.
Jayshawn, the final Grad that Bowie hadn't at the very least attempted to speak privately with, worked out alone in a garage. As Bowie strolled across the concrete to reach the opened up garage, he saw Jayshawn doing pull ups from a steel bar up near the ceiling of the structure. Sweat dripped off Jayshawn's forehead in beads while his dark muscles bulged from the effort he put forth.
"Hi, Jayshawn."
"Fifty... Fifty-one..."
"Got a minute? Wanted to talk real quick."
"Yeah, well, beat it. Fifty-two... Yeah, pump it, bitch."
"I'll only be a minute, then you can go back to being insecure about how you look."
Jayshawn half-chuckled, half-grunted from refusing to quit working himself. "You fucking wish, blondie. Fifty-four... I'm over here sculpting a temple."
"Ooh, yeah, quite a relic you got there, buddy. Really though, let's talk strategy. Say you make final five or higher, what do you thin-"
After breaking sixty, Jayshawn dropped down from the bar, his chest rising up and down and rounded on him. "Bruh! What the fuck you think I've been saying to you? Beat it!" he snapped, shoving Bowie back by his chest. "I'm not tryna be disturbed in the middle of my pump."
Meanwhile, the Grad stared at Jayshawn with annoyance in his eyes. Moments later, Jayshawn went right back to working out, dropping down to do push ups.
Confessional - Bowie
"Amazing. It's like my carefully crafted personable demeanor means absolutely nothing to him." He shrugged. "Oh, well. More than one way to skin a cat."
End of confessional
Before Bowie could say another word, Fish rushed in out of nowhere.
"One, two, three, four, fi-" Jayshawn tensed and jolted in a second, suddenly feeling a hand reaching into the backside of his shorts. "Motherfucker!"
Jayshawn dropped, giving chase to Fish, who sprinted off into the distance.
"Come on then! Let's see if you've got any stamina in that brute body of yours!" Fish jibed.
Alanna and Stephen watched from the side of the academy as the two teenagers burst by like flashes of lightning.
"Wow, wonder which one of them has the smaller dick," Alanna joked.
Stephen simply flashed her a dreary, blank expression, then turned and skulked away from her.
That night, it was time for the first ever Total Drama Million Dollar Academy elimination ceremony to commence.
Inside a large auditorium, the entirety of the Grads: Bowie, Noah, Alanna, Shawn, Cody, Stephen, Fish, Izzy, Jayshawn, Londyn, and Zee gathered onstage in graduation gowns, caps and all. Mercutio, Tracy, and even the quiet, timid, silver-haired intern Brook sat at a table out in front of the stage. Behind the table, rows upon rows of theater seats. Stage lights illuminated the eleven Grads brightly. Noah raised a hand in front of his face, wincing over the light, while Izzy blinked like she had rabies.
"Yo-ho-ho, dude, this is what it'd be like if I could be bothered to make my way through college!" Zee exclaimed.
"Welcome to the first elimination ceremony of Total Drama Million Dollar Academy!" Mercutio boomed. "Wonderful to have you all here. This year, because I am not that putrid shit Chris McLean, we will not be using marshmallows, or bags of peanuts, or gilded statuettes like some kind of egomaniac. This year, those who survive elimination ceremonies will receive diplomas. At the end of the season, one contestant will receive a diploma doubling as a check for $1,000,000; proof that the winner outlasted the rest of their classmates."
Londyn raised her hand.
"Yes?
"We're not actually classmates, though."
Silence.
"The contestant who does not receive a diploma has been voted off, and they will be escorted by Brook-"
"Oh, dear," she whispered.
"-out of the building up this row behind me to the Bus of Shame. You will be removed from the contest permanently, never to return. Clear enough?"
"Crystal," Londyn replied.
"All right. Tracy, go ahead and hand out the diplomas while I read the votes. When you receive your diploma, walk offstage and come take a seat in the audience seats behind me, Tracy, and Brook. The following Grads shall continue the curriculum...
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Stephen..."
Tracy tossed the first diploma of the season into Stephen's hands.
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Shawn...
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Bowie..."
Bowie caught his diploma, and as he started to walk offstage, he murmured, "A guy could get used to this..."
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Zee..."
"Radical."
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Cody..."
After he grabbed his diploma with only one hand, he strutted past Londyn, murmuring, "I'm still in," with a coy grin and a finger gun. She chuckled at him.
"Noah...
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Londyn...
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Izzy...
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Fish, and finally, the last Graduate safe...
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Alanna. Jayshawn, my sincerest apologies, but you have been expelled from the Million Dollar Academy with seven votes against you."
A subtle grin spread across Bowie's face at the mention.
"What? You have got to be fuckin' with me!" Jayshawn erupted.
Confessional - Bowie
"Seems my decision to convince the others to vote for Jayshawn worked in my favor. I figured he was the least cooperative, the most brash, and despite being one of the hottest, he was easy elimination fodder. No one likes a threatening competitor, especially not one that annoying. Bye bye," he flapped his hand.
End of confessional
"Hmph. It seems you have called my bluff," Mercutio responded.
"Huh?" Jayshawn uttered.
"I have not been entirely honest with you, Graduates. Tonight is not an actual elimination challenge. Instead, tonight was a secret non-elimination. However, now that you've seen what would have happened were it a traditional elimination, I figure this may instill some much needed drama around here, hmm?"
Surprise marked the faces of the Grads in the auditorium seats. Jayshawn ripped off his gown and yelled, "Ha! Fuck y'all! It didn't work! I'm still here! I'm gonna keep it that way, too."
Facing the center camera, Mercutio shouted, "Well, we hope you've enjoyed this very special first episode of Total Drama Million Dollar Academy! There's a whole lot more of that and less of Chris where that came from, so tune in next time for episode two! Play that trumpet, Tracy!"
On cue, the other Grads watched-some amused and some confused-as Tracy pulled a trumpet from under his and Mercutio's desk. He leaped up onto the table, passionately blowing into it and dancing around like Leo Pellegrino. [1]
"Ladies and gentlemen, Tracy De LaSchino on the trumpet! Goodnight, everybody!"
The closing shot of the episode slowly faded to black as Tracy exuberantly puffed into his trumpet.
Confessional - Bowie
"No problem. If we win tomorrow, this is a non-issue; victory ought to be distracting enough for him. If we lose tomorrow, we just do everything the same way-unless someone else is more deserving of elimination. Jayshawn, like all the rest, will go eventually, one way or another."
[1] If you haven't seen Leo Pellegrino of Too Many Zooz perform, you ought to look it up
Dropouts: Caleb, Damien, MK, Scary Girl, Athena, Holden, Iko, Jill, Kobe, Matcha, Queen
Grads: Cody, Izzy, Noah, Alanna, Shawn, Bowie, Zee, Fish, Jayshawn, Londyn, Stephen
Some quick OC descriptions:
Athena: orangey-blonde, orange contacts, black and white dress
Holden: long, scraggly hair, heavyset, short, leather jacket
Iko: slim-fat, short, stylish overcoat and vest
Jill: athletic build, red hair, tan skin, emerald green eyes
Kobe: tall, big afro
Matcha: brunette, business casual
Queen: purple hair
Alanna: tall, brunette
Fish: typical influencer look
Jayshawn: fit, muscular, dreads, gym tank/shorts
Londyn: brunette, face tattoos, gorgeous features
Stephen: early 2000s emo look
Mercutio: chiseled face, suit, wide-framed
Tracy: slim, suspenders/bowler hat
Brook: silver hair, oversized cardigan