Chapter 3: The Roommate Agreement
The flat wasn't horrible, Eleanor thought to herself after she and Penny arrived back at it. It needed some cleaning. Yep. It definitely needed some cleaning. Most of this wouldn't be too bad to deal with on a Magic front. Well…it wouldn't be too bad on the Magic front once she got Penny to sign a contract that she would keep Magic a secret from anyone not in the know. The contract wouldn't keep people from figuring it out, but it would keep her from blabbing the secret and Penny was a chatterbox. It would also keep Eleanor on good terms with MACUSA as they did like to keep track of who was fully in the know, who partially knew and who was just assuming things thanks to the Secrecy Ritual.
"Ummm, sorry about the mess. Inviting you back was kind of a spur of a moment decision," admitted Penny as she surveyed the clothes all over the place.
"This isn't going to be normal now that I'm here, right," asked Eleanor.
"It won't be," agreed Penny, "Though I might need a little help getting things set up."
"You know that I won't be able to use Magic to clean electrical stuff, right? While electrical items can run around Magic without any issues, shooting a spell at your normal TV will cause it to short as the Magic converts to extra electrical energy. That energy generally exceeds the amount of current that the appliance can safely handle and causes the item in question to stop working."
"Is there a way to prevent that?"
"There are a couple," Eleanor admitted, "It would take some time to set it all up though and I'd rather focus on upgrading the bathrooms first. That's going to take a while because I need to make it so those upgrades don't just stay here forever. If we both move out, the next tenants are going to expect things to be a certain way and might not be in the know."
"Oh…so what do you need to do?"
"I need to tie the Runic sequences to something I can disable once neither of us lives in the flat. Ideally there would be a magical contract to that effect."
"So, a roommate agreement," asked Penny frowning, "It's not going to go into what the thermostat has to be set at or the bathing order or things like that, right?"
It was Eleanor's turn to frown, "Umm...what?"
Penny looked relieved at her confusion, "Oh thank God. I thought you might be another Sheldon for a moment. So it's just going to cover the Magic stuff, right?"
"That was the plan," Eleanor admitted, "That and a couple things regarding keeping my former identity a secret if you figure it out and my furry problem. In exchange, I keep your secrets, and you know make a few upgrades around here so we both spend less money and get a few more amenities."
"Like what?"
"Well, silencing runes on the bedrooms so that if you have someone over for sex no one is forced to hear it. Making sure the toilet never clogs. Ditto for the shower or tub. Maybe add expansion runes for your closet. Add some unbreakable runes to the plates and glasses so if they're dropped, we don't have to worry about glass or ceramic everywhere. Some things like that."
"Can you make it so the heels of my shoes don't break?"
"I could. It'll take some time, and it'll take away from the time I spend on other things," she pointedly looked around the loft.
"Oh…good point. We'll have to come up with some way to divvy up chores and things. Doesn't make sense for you to be doing everything."
"I take it you can't cook," Eleanor asked.
"Spaghetti with hot dogs cut up in it is about as good as I can do. Been practicing making cocktails so I can get a shift at the bar."
"Well, if you could clean things up, I can write up the magical contract so that afterwards I can start making the upgrades."
"Sounds good. Let me show you to your room. It's still clean. I hadn't gotten around to figuring out what I wanted to do with it. We'll have to go furniture shopping at some point. The apartment came empty of everything besides the fridge and dishwasher. Washer machines and dryers are in the basement."
"It'll work for tonight. If I really need a bed, I can set up the tent."
"I'll introduce you to the guys across the hall tomorrow. We'll probably be able to join them for food on days you don't feel like cooking. Well, once they know there might be a sixth. They only recently started getting enough for five."
"So, what do you give them for the food?"
"I think at least 3 of them are using me to practice interacting with women and hope to get into my pants. Sheldon, I'm not sure about."
[Scene Change]
The next day Eleanor woke up and stretched out her paws. Then she morphed back into her human form. The floor honestly wasn't that bad in her wolf form. She wanted to rune up the floor to prevent scratching and apply silencing runes so that if she brought someone back to scratch that itch, she could be as loud as she wanted. Though why she was thinking about future sex when she was still a virgin was beyond her.
She did her usual stretching routine. Then she did her lunges, sit ups, and pushups for an hour. After that she ducked into the closet. She set up her tent so that she'd have somewhere to be when she used a time turner this evening. She went back into the main room and set up her trunk in a corner. She took out parchment, a quill, some ink and swapped out her clothes after applying some cleaning charms. Then she got to work on the contract using the closed trunk as a makeshift desk. It was a long time later when she heard a knock on the door.
"Yes," she called out.
Penny opened the door and poked her head in, "You've been working on that all day?"
"Thought it was just a couple hours," Eleanor replied, shrugging, "Nearly done with the contract though."
Penny's eyes widened at the several feet of parchment, "You were serious about that?"
"Yeah. Can't really afford not to. Don't want to give the bureaucrats in the magical government a reason to rescind my citizenship and political asylum."
"Would it be possible to get one of the guys to look over it? I'm…not really good when it comes to contracts."
Eleanor was suddenly thankful that she had spent the time phrasing things in generic non-magical terms rather than using the standard magical terms.
"How many people?"
"No more than four. I'd like it to be just Sheldon, but the other guys are nosy."
Eleanor nodded as she dipped her quill back into the inkwell and continued writing.
"Quills," asked Penny.
"It's easier to channel Magic through it if what you're writing needs to be magical. Likewise Magic likes parchment more than modern paper for these sorts of things. Less processed. Don't get me wrong, I like pen and paper too but it's all about which tool is needed for the job. Wouldn't try to screw in a nail after all."
"Don't you all usually have someone to write these sorts of contracts for you?"
"Yes. However, it's expensive as all hell, especially for someone in my situation. As it is, I've had to learn how to make and word these sorts of things due to some horrible past experiences with contracts. Something like this, I'm confident I can do. Now if it was a marriage agreement or a political alliance, I'd probably spend the money just to make sure I haven't left anything out. Those types of contracts tend to have nasty surprises in them."
"Is this one of those contracts where you get my soul if I break it?"
"Nope. The Magic in this one is just designed to keep you from blabbing to someone not in the know. Unless you really try to break it, you won't notice it at all. Most of it just concerns those upgrades I mentioned yesterday and setting things up so that the upgrades stop working if the item leaves your bloodline and goes to someone who doesn't know about Magic or in the case of the loft stops working when we've both moved out.
"Beyond that there's general roommate stuff like if you make a mess, you need to clean it up. You can ask for help, but you can't constantly push the stuff off on me. I agree to pay half the rent and utility bills. You agree to make sure our bills are paid on time and if you wind up borrowing money from me to make the bills in a particular month you pay me back. Neither of us enters the other's rooms without getting permission. We both keep each other's secrets. Stuff like that."
"And it's that long?"
"Yeah…I was trying not to leave a whole bunch of generalities that would come back and bite us in the ass later. Also included a provision to let us agree to modifications of this agreement without having to destroy the contract and start from the beginning. Considering the upgrades you requested, and I want to do, I figured we needed a way to make sure those stuck around even if we found something we needed to add later."
"Like?"
"Well, if we shifted from roommates to…more than roommates or if your significant other decided to move in."
"Oh….," replied Penny blushing, "You think that's likely?"
"No damned clue. From what little I can figure out about my own sexuality; I seem to be attracted to certain people more than a specific set of equipment."
"You're not sure," asked Penny tilting her head to the side in confusion.
"Not really. I had an accident at 12 years old that fucked with my hormones. Between that and the fact that most of the people at the school I went to weren't…nice, sex and all that came with it wasn't a priority. Might have turned out differently if I hadn't been Carrie'd at the school dance but," she trailed off with a shrug.
"Carrie'd?"
"You know the Stephen King book/movie?"
"Oh…oh fuck."
"Might have, but being covered in Pug's blood and entrails was a turn off."
Penny looked disgusted, "That's horrible."
"Just another part of the Hogwarts experience if you were me," she shrugged.
"No wonder you left. You didn't go full Carrie on them, right?"
"No. I don't kill kids. Nazis masquerading around as 'upstanding citizens' sure. But kids no."
Penny saw a very hard glint in Eleanor's eyes as she said that. She resolved to help her new roommate find some fun in life. Everything she had heard so far, left her with the impression that Eleanor was a girl who'd had to work so much that she didn't have time to play.
"Well, after we get things settled in the apartment, we should go on a shopping trip. Get you some clothes, maybe some toys. You know a few things for fun. Don't want you making yourself angry by not relaxing. Lord knows the Cheesecake Factory can be annoying and you're running the entire kitchen yourself. That can't possibly be good for you long term even if you don't have to deal with a bunch of people."
Eleanor nodded her head at the last bit before asking, "Toys?"
"Dolls, Legos, videogames, cards," began Penny who was concerned by the confusion on Eleanor's face, "Wands?"
"Wands? But I already have one," she replied, as she pulled out her Hydra wand.
"Sweetie, that's not the type of wand I'm talking about."
"What other type is there?"
"The vibrating magical kind."
Eleanor gave her a confused look.
"Remind me to take you by one of the stores around here. That's something we're going to need to fix. I could use a new one anyway since I broke up with Kurt."
"Okay….," Elanor replied, still confused so she decided to change the topic, "So uh what's up? Pretty sure neither of us has work today."
"Well, it's about dinner time so wanted to see if you wanted to go over to the guys' place for food. It's Mexican tonight. That won't be a problem, will it?"
"As long as they didn't overdo the cilantro, I'm fine with it."
"Perfect. Don't forget to bring the contract if you're done with it. Maybe it'll keep them from immediately playing Halo. I'll meet you at the front door to our place."
Eleanor checked over the contract one more time. She decided to add the protection runes to it later. She rolled it up and got a fountain pen so that the others could sign it. She really didn't want to deal with teaching them how to write with a quill. Then she left her room to meet up with Penny.
[Scene Change]
"Hey guys," began Penny after she walked into the apartment across the hall, "This is Eleanor. She's my new roommate. On the sofa are Sheldon, Raj and Howard. Leonard is on the chair right there."
Eleanor noticed that she went from the right side of the sofa to the left. Sheldon was a tall lanky individual with a lime green t-shirt and jeans. He appeared to be analyzing her. Raj was a darker skinned individual (she assumed he was of Indian descent) who was wearing a collared dress shirt with a light-yellow jacket over it. Howard was wearing way too tight robin egg blue jeans and a flannel patterned red collared shirt. He just looked sleazy for some reason especially since he was blatantly fucking her with his eyes. Leonard was wearing a light gray jacket over a red t-shirt and were those corduroy pants? He was also the only person in the room that wore glasses.
"Penny, are you sure we didn't need to bring anything," she asked, turning to look at her roommate after giving the guys a nod, "I know biscuits don't really go with this, but I probably could have made churros after a trip to the store."
"Just your beautiful presence is enough, mademoiselle," replied Howard before Penny could answer her.
Eleanor felt her eye twitch as she turned to look at the man (after noting Penny's gesture toward him as though she expected that response).
"Really," she drawled in her best imitation of Snape, "Are you saying that because it is actually true or is it because you've been doing your best to fuck me with your eyes ever since I walked into the room? No, don't bother answering that. It's rhetorical and I really do not want to know."
She took a deep breath and switched to French.
"I am not interested in you even if you knew enough French to make Morticia Addams excited which based on your dumbfounded expression you don't. In fact, I bet you're trying to figure out what I'm saying based on the context clues and you aren't having any luck whatsoever. So no, not even if you offered me money. By the Gods, I already feel unclean because of your gaze and those too tight pants you have on. You don't even understand me and yet you're being turned on by my tone of voice. Too much fucking information. You just sit there and do not get any closer."
She closed her eyes, sighed and switched back to English as she turned toward Sheldon, "Could you point me to the loo? I'd like to wash my hands before I join you for dinner."
"Certainly," he replied getting up, "I need to get up anyway. Do you have a tea preference?"
"Tea preference," she asked, giving him a look.
"You're clearly upset by something Wolowitz did and the social convention is to give an upset guest a warm beverage. Due to your accent and the time of year, I assumed tea would be preferable to hot chocolate."
"Tea would be lovely, Sheldon," she admitted with a slight smile, "Whichever brand you feel like making is fine. I wouldn't want to impose more than I already have."
"Nonsense, you are a guest. Even if we didn't know you were coming until an hour ago," he sent a look at Penny, "So, do you really think you can make churros?"
"I believe so. There hasn't been much call for it yet as it's not on the Cheesecake Factory's menu, but I imagine it's much easier than tiramisu and should not take nearly as long as cheesecake to make."
She pretended to ignore the chatter behind her as Sheldon led her toward the bathroom. Unfortunately, she could still hear it.
"I have no idea what she just said but that was hot," Howard admitted, "Now, if her outfit was a leather ensemble."
"You do realize that she said she would never have sex with you, right," came the barest of whispers from (whom Eleanor assumed) was Raj.
"Nonsense Raj," dismissed Howard, "It just takes a little time to get used to the sexiness that is me."
"That seemed like an awful lot of words to tell Howard she wasn't interested," observed Leonard.
"Tell me about it," muttered Penny, "Though he wasn't wrong."
Eleanor felt her own face flush slightly when she heard Penny's barely uttered comment and quickly entered the bathroom to wash her hands. A short time later she was back in the kitchen with Sheldon sipping a cup of tea that man had just handed her. She stayed in the kitchen as the food was divided up and (surprising the guys) she ate standing up using the kitchen counter as a makeshift table.
"So, Sheldon," began Penny when they finished the food, "Could you look over the roommate agreement that Eleanor wrote up for me? She's explained the gist of it but I'd feel better if someone else looked it over. Since you made one for you and Leonard, I figured you'd be the best person to ask."
Leonard, Howard and Raj all stopped what they were doing (getting the TV and console set up for Halo) and stared at Eleanor with looks of horror. Eleanor's Black heritage was suddenly very happy at the expressions she saw. She settled for a slight twitch of her lips into a small smile as she pulled out the scroll with the contract and the fountain pen from her handbag.
"A scroll," asked Sheldon who somehow looked more excited than he initially was on hearing of another person with a roommate agreement.
"I come from a very traditional part of Great Britain and attended school there too for a handful of years. During that time, I picked up a few habits like Calligraphy and using parchment instead of paper for certain things I wanted to keep long term. The agreement was long enough where I thought a scroll would be the best way to store it."
"Hmmm. It was much more efficient for me to type my version. I have both a hard copy and several digital copies stored on various devices in case some people accidentally destroy one of the devices or misplace their own copy," there was a piercing look directed at Leonard, "I take it you wish for me to only look at it, not to make edits?"
"Correct. The pen is only there for Penny to sign it as one of the primary parties and for you to sign as a witness."
There was silence as he read through the contract.
"Why not put a bathroom schedule," he asked.
"Between food not always having a predictable result and certain female issues, I thought it was best to leave that off."
"Thermostat Controls?"
"I'm used to Scottish winters, and I work in a kitchen, so I'm also used to the heat. The only time the thermostat will be an issue is if the electric bill becomes too much at that point we'll revisit."
"Runic carving upgrades?"
"My original family was heavily pagan in its beliefs. While there might not be evidence of the rune carvings working, there is also no evidence that they do not work. For some reason my former family and those like it weren't willing to test it despite the supposed benefits. This gives me the chance to test them out and maybe get some quality-of-life benefits. Granted the benefits may wind up being due to other factors even if they do occur, but we cannot even begin considering if they work or not if they are not used in the first place."
"That's…well-reasoned," he admitted looking up at her briefly.
"Good lord, there's two of them," muttered Leonard as he, the other two guys and Penny watched the exchange.
"The loan section is practical but if you want Penny to avoid making a habit of it you should charge interest."
"I decided it would be counterproductive. It would likely take away money needed to pay next month's bills and create a vicious cycle."
"Good point. Television schedule?"
"Haven't watched much telly. Between overly traditional boarding school and horrible relatives, I either didn't have access or didn't have time. So, it doesn't make much sense for me to dictate a telly schedule."
"Have you seen Star Wars," he asked, frowning.
"No. Most I've seen is some bits and pieces of the James Bond movies. Couldn't tell you which ones though."
Even Penny looked like she thought that was wrong. Sheldon shook his head, putting the problem on the back burner for now.
"Rules regarding the fridge?"
"I'd rather lose a little money than let someone go hungry. If it becomes an issue, I can get a small ice box for my own room."
There was a hard tone at that which caused Sheldon to just nod and move on.
"I'm surprised you have a section regarding pets," he observed.
"I'd prefer not to have a pet running around. I've had bad experiences with most of the common pet animals. However, I'm not so heartless as to insist on absolutely no pets if Penny happens to find an abandoned kitten or something like that. The only hard line is no rodents. Everything else is negotiable as my bad experiences might just be due to the animal's owners not training them correctly."
"You seem to be leaving quite a bit of room in the agreement for random events," remarked Sheldon.
"I'm not arrogant enough to pretend that I'm able to predict the future. Too many other people with their agendas could impact things and that's before you add in seemingly random factors that just happen. Weather patterns for instance."
"Hmmm."
There was a few minutes of silence as he finished reading. He uncapped the pen and signed it in the witness spot.
"It's exceedingly generous and practical. I think you should sign it, Penny."
The other three guys raised their eyebrows and rushed over to look at it. Eleanor had a small smirk on her face as the slight compulsion charm kicked in and prompted all of them to sign their respective witness lines.
"It's much better than the version I signed," admitted Leonard.
"Really," asked Penny.
"Yeah, if you're going to have someone crazy enough to make an agreement then you should sign it before she gets any ideas from Sheldon."
Penny quickly rushed over and signed it once she realized that both Raj and Howard agreed with Leonard's assessment. Eleanor felt a sense of relief once the agreement was signed. Not that she didn't trust Penny, but she didn't trust the devil inside of her. Unfortunately, it was Eleanor's experience that the devil came out to play much too quickly as far as she was concerned.
The rest of the evening was spent talking to the guys and watching them play Halo.