Author's Note: This is part two of my ongoing series "Popular Phase" where Kazuma's high luck stat actually helps to get him laid periodically. Part one is "The Receptionist" andcn be found in my author profile. It is suggested that you read that story first

The goddess Eris sighed as Kazuma was resurrected back to the fantasy world he now lived in. Getting sliced in half by the Winter Shogun had thankfully been quick and painless; he barely noticed he had died! She would have hated for Kazuma to be traumatized by the whole thing.

She smiled. Kazuma was a nice guy and a decent adventurer. She was glad that he had found so many friends after having been such a loner in his previous life.

She did wish he was a little less lecherous though. She was still miffed at him for stealing her panties after she taught him some thief skills…

On the other hand, he had obviously grown a lot as a person since he arrived in that world. Friends, a job, going outside. He was practically a different person! That was the reason why she had been keeping such a close eye on him, and even helping him out; dying and being reincarnated was the best thing that ever happened to him! He even seemed to know it himself; she had been certain he would take her up on her offer to reincarnate him back in Japan, but once Aqua allowed him to go back to his party, he immediately changed his mind.

She frowned, puffing out her cheeks. Aqua had to tell him about the padded bra. Not to mention the fact that sending him back to Axel was going to cause trouble with the boss. Even if Eris thought it was the best for him, he wasn't supposed to go back to that world. Aqua being away meant she wasn't going to be the one taking heat over it from on high…

Eris sighed. Sometimes it was a real pain in the ass to be Aqua's subordinate.

She wandered away from the receiving room, and made her way to her personal chambers, removing her headdress and hanging it on a hook. She sat down at her vanity, looking at herself in the mirror. She pulled out a wipe and started to wash the makeup from her face. Cosmetics were the one thing she imported from Earth; there was just nothing available in the fantasy world that could properly cover her scar. She pulled the wipe away from her face and smirked at herself in the mirror. Maybe she should make a trip down to Axel herself for a while herself. Just until their superiors calmed down a little…

Chris stepped out of the shadows in an alley behind the Adventurers Guild and immediately shivered. It had been the height of summer when she had designed her adventurer outfit, and it hadn't occurred to her that she would need something a little more insulating three or four months out of the year. It was a constant temperature in heaven! Who knew that seasons existed anyway? She rushed out of the alley, racing into the building.

Sighing in relief as she entered the guild hall, Chris made her way over to the massive fireplace to warm up. As she turned to warm her butt, she noticed someone coming over. "Heya Darkness!" she called, grinning.

Darkness smiled widely at her friend. "Chris! I didn't know you were in town! It's so good to see you after so long!"

Chris laughed nervously. She had had a mountain of work piled up on her desk back in heaven that had needed her attention, and hadn't made it down to the living world in a while. "I heard there was a job down at the Temple of Everlasting Summer," she said. "I took the opportunity to head down there to avoid the worst of the winter. Unfortunately, the job didn't last nearly as long as I hoped."

Darkness nodded sagely. "An adventurer's life is fraught with challenges, most of which are beyond our control." She clapped Chris on the shoulder. "Still, since you're back in town, we should do a quest together!"

Chris staggered under the blow but smiled. "I'd like that. Maybe a nice warm dungeon."

Darkness laughed at her joke, before diving into a conversation. They talked for a while, Darkness telling Chris about what they'd been up to since Beldia was defeated, including their last quest where they came up against the Winter Shogun. Chris contributed to the conversation by relaying the tale of an adventurer who she had recently reincarnated after they had died in the labyrinth near the Temple of Everlasting Summer, putting herself in as the hero of the story. He was currently a baby, and wouldn't remember he died there. He wouldn't mind if she stole his story.

They continued to chat amicably when Chris saw someone she recognized coming down the stairs from the rooms above the guild hall. It was Kazuma. She pointed with her chin at him. "So did you all feel bad that he got killed on your last mission and pay for him to get a room for the night or something?"

Darkness turned to look and saw her party leader stretching his arms over his head. "Oh, Kazuma? No. He manages to find his way into a bed on most nights." She nodded her head pointedly over at the registration desk.

Chris followed her gaze, her eyes widening as she saw Luna grinning as Kazuma came over to chat. The two smiled widely at each other, before starting a quiet conversation. Her jaw dropped and she looked back at Darkness. "He's sleeping with Luna?" she hissed.

Darkness nodded. "For a while now. Not every night, mind you, but many of them. Especially the colder ones."

"How did he manage that?"

Darkness shrugged. "The prevailing theory amongst the other adventurers is that she threw him a pity fuck, and it just kept going from there."

Chris nodded, stroking her chin. "Yeah, that makes sense." She eyed her friend. "Soooo, how's it going in your party then?"

Darkness quirked an eyebrow suspiciously. "What's that supposed to mean?"

Chris shrugged. "I mean, I've seen parties collapse because one of the members got a significant other and it messes with the dynamics." Usually because that member had been sleeping with one or more of the other party members, she thought to herself. She wouldn't dare suggest that to Darkness though.

Darkness shook her head. "No, it's not causing any trouble. Kazuma seems very dedicated to the team. In fact, Luna has brought us a couple of quests here and there before they get posted on the job board. Aqua hasn't noticed—she's usually more concerned with her food and drink than what the rest of us get up to at the end of the day—but Megumin and I are just glad he's had someone to point his more lecherous whims at. It was quite embarrassing to be in a party with someone that people called 'Kazutrash' or 'Crapuma'." She flushed at the names and started to squirm.

Chris eyed her. "You don't want to sleep with him, do you?"

"No!" Darkness shouted. "O-of course not! He's bound to be a brutal beast of a man! One who would tie you up and spank you and call you a whore!" She started breathing harder, her face a bright red blush.

"Riiiiiight," Chris said. Darkness always did have an overactive imagination…

There was a lull in the conversation while Chris waited for Darkness to get herself under control. She was just about to turn towards the fire to warm her front when the rest of the party approached. "Hey Darkness," Kazuma greeted, pointing a thumb over his shoulder. "We've gotta get ready." He froze slightly as he noticed who was standing next to her. "H-hey Chris…" he stuttered.

Chris smirked. It had been months since The Panties Incident, but he was still nervous around her. She must be doing something right. "Hiya Kazuma," she chirped. "What's up?"

Kazuma's jaw worked, but no sound came out. When he didn't immediately respond, Aqua stepped in. "We've taken a bounty!" she said, excitedly. She waved a piece of paper over her head, presumably a job from the bounty board. "I picked it out myself! There's apparently some monster or something at the bottom of the dungeon just outside of town guarding a treasure. Something about one piece of something? I dunno the details." She shook her head to clear the tangent. "Anyway, if we kill the monster, we get the bounty and keep the treasure!"

Chris grimaced internally. There was one downside of working with Darkness and Kazuma: Aqua came along as part of the package deal. It was always annoying to have to interact with the boss. Thankfully, Aqua didn't seem to recognize her in her mortal form.

Although, it could be fun to mess with her. Maybe she could get her back for that "padded chest" quip.

She smirked confidently, patting herself on the chest. "A dungeon crawl? That's right up my alley! Let me come with you!"

Aqua's expression changed from happy-go-lucky to suspicious. She clutched the job to her chest, hiding the details. "Why? So you can steal the treasure from us? You are a thief."

Chris feigned being aghast. "Me? Steal all the treasure? How dare you!?" She crossed her arms and huffed. "Look if I come along, I can help! I bet I can sneak around the monster and get the treasure without a fuss. Ask Darkness, she'll vouch for me!"

Darkness nodded. "I've worked with Chris often, and she's really good." She shrugged. "She and I were just talking about having her join us for a quest, and her skills would come most in handy on a treasure hunt in a dungeon."

Kazuma frowned. "Yeah, but she already taught me a bunch of those skills."

Chris winked at him. "But I didn't teach you all of them." She gestured towards Megumin. "Besides, you're already down a member on this raid, aren't you?"

Megumin sighed deeply. "She's right," she admitted. "Once we get to the dungeon, I'll be no help to you. My mighty Explosion spell is way too powerful for a confined space like an underground dungeon." She looked up, clutching a fist as tears streamed from her eyes. "Such is the burden I must bear as the most powerful mage in Axel!"

"It wouldn't be a burden if you'd learn some other spells," muttered Kazuma.

Megumin shot him a dirty look.

Chris smiled smugly. "See? Look, how about this: the treasure is bound to be worth more than the bounty on the monster, right? I'll take the bounty as my fee, and leave the treasure to you."

Kazuma sighed. She had a point. And it would be nice to have another pair of hands to help; a pair of hands that weren't completely useless. He looked over at the others for approval. Darkness and Megumin immediately gave him a thumbs up. Aqua sighed, crossing her arms. "Okay, but you're only getting the bounty! No matter how massive the treasure is!"

Kazuma nodded, turning back to Chris. "All right, you're in," he said. "Get your gear together, I wanna leave in twenty minutes or less."

Chris nodded eagerly. "I can be ready in ten!"

Darkness laid a heavy hand on her friend's shoulder. "Perhaps you should take the whole twenty minutes to run and buy a winter cloak."

Chris laughed, embarrassed, and scratched at the scar on her cheek.

The weather was sunny and clear, but a bitter chill was in the air and snow still covered the ground. The party marched down the road towards certain fortune and glory. Or at least, so they hoped.

Aqua held the job post in her hands and was navigating by the map on the back while the others followed. A light conversation had sprung up between Megumin and Darkness about a quest they had attempted last summer where they were tasked to pick the golden fruit from the tree growing back of the Great A'Tuin tortoise. They failed on their last attempt, but the tortoise should be back in the region again in the spring, and they wanted to give it another shot. They were arguing about ways to get onto the back of the monstrous beast, each advocating for a more crazy and dangerous plan than the last.

Feeling left out of the conversation, Chris fell back until she was walking next to Kazuma. "So whatcha think, oh fearless leader?" she teased. "How much longer until we get there?"

Kazuma rolled his eyes at her title for him, though he smiled. "Aqua said we're on the right road now, so it should be about an hour."

Chris groaned. The knee-length cloak she bought did a lot to help keep her warmer than her normal outfit, but whenever the wind picked up she wished she had thought to buy a hat too. "Why didn't we pay for a teleport spell?" she moaned. She stepped in closer to Kazuma, using his body to shield herself from the wind.

Kazuma glanced at her but didn't say anything about how close she was. "Well, we are so deep in debt we're about to break through to the other side of the world," he joked. "So unless you were going to pay for it, we gotta walk."

Chris giggled. "What, and you're going to fall out the bottom into the Great Expanse?"

Kazuma chuckled. Well, now he knew people in the Other World didn't think it was a round planet like Earth. Hell, for all he knew, maybe it wasn't. "Something like that."

A gust of wind blew up, and Chris shivered, stepping even closer to Kazuma. When he looked her way, she smiled sheepishly up at him. "S-sorry," she said. "I really need to get more winter clothes…"

Kazuma dug around in a pocket in his cloak and pulled out something fluffy. He handed it to Chris. "Here, I have spare gloves in case mine get wet. If you use a rope to tie them around your head, they should keep your ears warm."

Chris smiled widely, her eyes sparkling. "Thanks!" She immediately grabbed the proffered gloves and used a rope from her bag to create an ersatz set of earmuffs. The gloves were warm from being in his pocket, and she hastened to tie them on before the heat bled away. "Ohhhh, that's so much better," she moaned.

Kazuma chuckled at her antics. Internally, he tried to keep from thinking about if she made similar noises in bed…

…He should see if Luna was busy later…

A gust of freezing wind blew up, causing the adventurers to shiver and huddle closer together. Chris grabbed onto Kazuma's arm and buried her face into his shoulder, as she tried to use his body to block the wind.

Kazuma nearly fell over as she pulled on him, but managed to keep his feet under him. As the wind died down, he looked down at Chris. "You okay?"

She nodded, sheepishly. "Remind me to get a house in the south with the bounty so I can live down there during the winter."

Kazuma chuckled. "Just keep using me to block the wind, I don't mind."

She smiled up at him. "Thanks!"

They walked along the road in silence for a while. Every time the wind picked up, Chris ducked behind him again, hiding her face in the fur cloak he had around his shoulders. After the third time, she started to feel a little guilty that she had been so unprepared for the quest. She felt like she had to do something to make up for it. "Hey, Kazuma?"

"Go for Kazuma."

"You got any skill points built up? I want to teach you something as thanks for letting me tag along."

Kazuma pulled out his adventurer card. "Yeah, looks like I have a few; enough for something low to mid-grade at least. What did you have in mind?"

Chris put her finger to her chin as she considered her options. "How about 'Bind'? That might come in handy with the monster."

Kazuma shrugged. "Sure, if you think it will help."

Chris put on her best "teacher" voice, and dove into her explanation of how to tie up a target using magic. Kazuma listened intently to her explanation, then added the skill to his repertoire. He pulled out a rope from his bag and tested his new skill by tying up the trunk of a tree.

"Great job!" Chris chirped.

Kazuma nodded, satisfied. "Thanks! I'm sure it will be useful."

Leading the pack, Aqua looked back at her party and frowned. She allowed Darkness and Megumin to catch up to her, raising her eyebrows at them. "Since when are they so chummy?" she muttered.

Darkness looked down the road at the pair and shrugged. "She must have forgiven him for the whole panties thing. Chris has always been helpful to those who need it, and willing to teach new adventurers new skills."

Aqua crossed her arms. "Just keep an eye on her," she said. "If it looks like Kazuma is about to let her have some of the treasure along with the bounty, we'll need to stop him."

Darkness rolled her eyes. "Sure thing," she said. She knew better than to argue when Aqua got this way. It was best to let her be paranoid and be smug about it to her when things worked out in the end.

The party reached the dungeon and made a base camp just outside of the entrance. Megumin got comfy by the fire and settled in to keep watch. The rest of the adventurers suited up and made their way down into the depths.

The descent went smoothly for the group. Kazuma and Chris led the way since they could see in the dark. Aqua could also see in the dark, but she hung back to keep an eye on Chris. She did, however, take care of any undead they came across. Darkness was able to tank against a couple of stronger foes, allowing Kazuma to get the kill and earn a few extra XP for himself. The party had agreed that Kazuma was leveling too slowly and were trying to take any opportunity to get him up to parity with the rest of them.

Finally, they reached the bottom floor where their bounty should be found. Chris and Kazuma activated their Lurk skills and snuck into the final room.

Kazuma had to slap both hands over his mouth to keep from screaming in fear and waking the sleeping red dragon they found. The pair grimaced at each other before they carefully made their way back to the party.

"Well?" asked Aqua, eagerly. She excitedly bounced in place. "Did you kill it?"

"Shhhhhhhh!!!" Kazuma and Chris both desperately shushed her. "It's a dragon!" they hissed.

"A WHAT?!"

Darkness slapped her hand over Aqua's face to keep her from giving them away. "A dragon?" she whisper-yelled at Kazuma. "I thought you said it was a monster!"

"Don't look at me!" Kazuma replied. He was indignant but kept enough of his composure to keep his voice down. "Aqua picked the job!"

Aqua pulled Darkness's hand off her mouth. She nervously looked around the room to avoid all of their eyes. "So… maybe I… neglected… to tell you about the dragon," she said, poking her fingers together.

The rest of the party stared at her in disbelief.

"If we get out of this alive, I'm going to kill you myself," muttered Kazuma.

Aqua cringed. "It's not my fault!" she cried. "You're too much of a wus! You wouldn't have taken the job if you knew there was a dragon, and we'd be out there fighting frogs again!"

The disconcerting rumbling sound of a large creature moving echoed in from the next room. The entire party crouched down, hands on their mouths, barely daring to breathe. Thankfully, no attack followed the noise, and heavy breathing could be heard a few minutes later. They all sighed in relief.

Kazuma turned to Darkness. "You wanted to take on Lynels," he whispered. "Can you stand up to a dragon?"

Darkness paled. "I-I've never even seen a dragon," she admitted. "I wouldn't really know what to do."

Kazuma sighed. "Whelp, I guess that's that then. We have no way to take this thing down without Megumin blowing everything up—including us if she set off her explosion spell underground—so we may as well just go home."

Aqua immediately started whining about losing out on the treasure. Kazuma laid into her about not paying attention and reading the whole job before signing them up for something that was guaranteed to result in at least one of them needing to be resurrected. Darkness sighed mightily, putting a hand on her forehead to stave off the headache that was brewing.

Chris watched, aghast, as the rest of her party bickered. It was a wonder that they survived as long as they had. "Uhh, guys?"

The arguing stopped, and three pairs of eyes turned to look at her.

"I think I have something that might help." She rummaged around in her bag for a moment, before coming up with a knife. "I've been saving this beauty for just such an occasion."

The knife she held was of a demonic design. The hilt was made of a dark metal, with a bright red jewel in the pommel. The blade had stripes and swirls as if it were made of liquid. It curved wickedly, forking just before the tip giving it two points.

"Woah…" said Kazuma. "That's badass!"

Darkness looked at it with a more critical eye. "It's very nice," she agreed, "but how is a knife going to help us? It's way too short to do much damage to a dragon."

"Normally, you'd be right," Chris agreed. "But this is a Dragon's Bane knife!" She held it up, grinning madly. "It has been enchanted with a spell guaranteed to kill a dragon once it draws blood."

Everyone's eyes widened in surprise. "That must have cost a lot," said Darkness.

Chris scratched at her scar. "Not as much as you might think," she admitted. "The spell is so powerful that it completely destroys the knife on use; it's a one-time thing, unfortunately." She smirked. "I've been saving it for exactly this kind of situation. The bounty will more than pay for its loss."

Aqua frowned. "But how are we going to make a dragon bleed with that little bitty knife?" She took it from Chris's grasp, eyeing it critically. "Aren't their scales super hard or something? The spell looks like it should work, but we have to get it in him first."

Kazuma stroked his chin, considering. "Well, it's asleep right now. We could try to sneak up on it and stab it in the eye. Or up through the palate inside its mouth, I guess, but the eye has got to be easier." He slapped his fist into his palm, having made a decision. "All right, Chris and I will use Lurk to sneak up on the dragon. You two hang back here so you don't get in our way. If there's any trouble, well, you'll probably hear us screaming."

Despite how cold it had been outside, it was downright sweltering in the room with the dragon. A great snore ripped through the air, rattling the rocks around them, and a wave of heat blew through as it exhaled. Kazuma wished he had removed his winter cloak before he'd entered the room, but he didn't dare drop it now. His lurk spell wouldn't work on the garment if he removed it, and he didn't know if its presence would alert the monster. How good was a dragon's sense of smell? Its hearing? Better to be hot than burned to a crisp.

Finally, they made it up to the dragon's head. Both Kazuma and Chris let out soft sighs of relief, then grinned at each other. Kazuma nodded. "Okay," he whispered. "Stab it, and let's get out of here."

Chris's smile faltered. "You have the knife," she whispered back. "Don't you?"

Kazuma blanched. "No, I never touched it!" he whisper-yelled. "You had it!"

"I don't have it!" Chris whisper-yelled back. "I never got it back when Aqua—"

Realization struck them both at the same time. When Aqua had grabbed the knife to examine its enchantment, she never gave it back.

"Okay," Kazuma said, thinking fast. "It's not a big deal. We know using Lurk won't wake him up, we'll just go back and—"

"Kazuma!"

Kazuma slapped his hands over his mouth to cover a yelp. That voice had come from behind him. He turned slowly and saw his two other party members were wandering out into the middle of the room. Darkness had her sword drawn and was nervously leading the way, but Aqua was waving in their general direction like she was meeting someone in a park.

Kazuma and Chris grimaced. With their Lurk skills activated, Aqua and Darkness couldn't see them. The only way to get them to back off or quiet down would be to drop their skills, which would risk waking the dragon.

At least Darkness seemed to have a healthy fear of the beast. "A-A-Aqua!" she hissed, brandishing her sword at the dragon. "Keep it down!"

Aqua merely clicked her tongue and waved off Darkness's concerns. "If I don't call out to them, how will they know they forgot the knife?" she asked logically.

"But you'll wake the dragon!"

Aqua shrugged, flipping the dagger in the air and catching it by the hilt. "We can one-hit kill it! Who cares if it wakes up? Whoops."

While Aqua was known far and wide for her spectacular party tricks, juggling was not one of them. On her second toss of the dagger, it slipped through her fingers, landing blade-down on the stone under their feet.

Kazuma remarked that the sound of enchanted metal shattering was not unlike that of glass…

One yellow eye opened. The pupil narrowed to a slit as it focused.

"Oh shit," said Kazuma, Chris, and Darkness together.

Aqua screamed.

The dragon reared back, roaring in anger at being woken up. Smoke billowed from its nostrils as whatever chemistry set that lay within its gut that allowed it to breathe fire started to cook.

Kazuma somehow managed to keep from pissing himself in fear, but otherwise was unable to move. Wasn't Luck supposed to be his highest stat? How the hell did he manage to find himself in these situations!?

Oh right. This was Aqua's fault. Choosing to take her along with him when he got reincarnated in this world was the worst decision of his life. But could you blame him? Who knew that having a literal goddess as a party member would be the worst thing possible?

"Kazuma!" Chris called out. "Use Bind! Tie it down!"

Thank Eris for competent adventurers! "Right!" he shouted, pulling his rope from his belt. "Bi—"

He was about to cast the spell when he was hit from the side. "KAZUMA-HA-HA!" cried Aqua. "SAVE ME-HE-HE!"

Jostled by the goddess, Kazuma's aim was thrown off. Instead of tying down the dragon rearing up in front of him, his magically enhanced rope wound itself around Chris.

"Wha— hey!" she cried as she found herself bound around her torso and legs. Losing her balance, Chris fell to the ground with an "Oof."

"Oh shit!" Kazuma cried. The dragon inhaled, readying a fiery blast. Kazuma pried Aqua off of his leg, pointing at the dragon. "Be useful and hit him with a blast of water in the mouth!"

Sobbing and hiccuping, Aqua turned towards the dragon. "C-create water!" she shouted. A gentle spray of water appeared from her hands, arced through the air, and landed in a pitiful puddle a meter away.

"Aqua!"

"I'm doing my be-heh-hest!" she cried. She clenched her jaw and tried again. "CREATE WATER!"

This time the spray was more akin to a fire hose than a garden hose. A torrent of water sprayed the dragon in the face, interrupting its attack. It roared in frustration, trying to block the water with its claws. Aqua had enough presence of mind to realize that her attack was working, and she moved around the room to keep the spray on target. "What now?" she cried.

Kazuma raced over to Chris. "I'm working on it!" he shouted back as he knelt down to untie his companion. "Damn, these knots are tight!" He looked up at Darkness and motioned her over. "Get over here and cut these ropes!"

Darkness nodded, rushing over. Using her sword, she quickly cut the knot, releasing Chris. "Now what?" she asked, somewhat frantically.

Kazuma grimaced. "I don't know!" He turned to Chris. "I don't suppose you have another enchanted blade, do you?"

Chris shook her head. "Not one that will work against dragons," she said.

"Guys!" Aqua called. "I'm not sure how much longer I can keep this up!"

Kazuma groaned, frantically rubbing his hands through his hair. Stupid Aqua! She was always too overconfident until the shit hit the fan! If only they could transfer the enchantment to Darkness's sword then…

Wait a minute…

"I know what to do!" he yelled. Grabbing Darkness and Chris by the arms, he dragged them over to the shattered remains of the Dragon's Bane knife. Kneeling, he gently picked up the largest piece of the blade he could find. "If I can weld this to Darkness's sword, can you kill the dragon?" he asked.

The eyes of his companions widened as his plan was made plain. "Since when do you know 'Weld'?" Darkness asked. "I thought only blacksmiths took that skill."

Kazuma smirked. "Adventurers like me can learn any skill!" He pulled his character card out of his pocket. "I've been going around to the skilled artisans in town asking for training in various skills." He flipped through his options. "You never know when something might come in handy." He poked the card, instantly learning the skill with all of the XP he had earned killing monsters on the way through the dungeon.

Kazuma grinned as he glowed briefly. Then he grabbed Darkness's proffered sword, lined up the shard with the edge of her blade, and squeezed them together in his hands. "Weld!"

A great SNAP like a bolt of lightning echoed in the chamber as the two pieces of metal were welded together. Kazuma handed the sword to Chris. "You have the skill 'Throw Knife' right?"

Chris took the sword, staggering a little under the weight. "This kinda stretches the definition of a 'knife'," she said with a nervous chuckle, "but yeah, I think it should work."

Kazuma nodded. "Okay, then here's my plan…"

—-

Aqua was breathing hard. Her arms were shaking with the effort of keeping the dragon pinned down with her water spell. She licked her dry lips; the spell worked by drawing moisture out of the atmosphere. Not usually a problem in a dank cave in a dungeon, but she had been casting for so long that she had used up most of the available humidity. "Guys?" she croaked.

Darkness laid a heavy hand on Aqua's shoulder. "On Kazuma's mark, shut off your attack, and give Chris a strength buff," she instructed.

Aqua nodded desperately. She had just enough mana to manage that.

The dragon roared, pushing back against the water flow. Uh oh. "Make it quick!" Aqua screamed.

"Now!" yelled Kazuma.

Aqua dropped her spell, bending over and breathing hard from the exertion of casting the spell for so long. She was so low on mana, she felt like Megumin after she cast an explosion. Darkness stepped between her and the dragon, holding her arms out. The dragon focused on the crusader, roaring loudly and raising a sharp talon to slice her in half. Aqua knew Darkness had high endurance and defense skills, but could she really stand up to a dragon?

"Aqua!" Chris and Kazuma yelled.

Right! The buff! "Strength up!" she shouted.

Chris grinned as she felt the spell hit. The massive two-handed sword in her hand now felt as light as a dagger. "Stand back!" she warned, holding the sword out. She started to spin on her heel, gathering momentum. Faster and faster she spun like someone doing a hammer throw at the Olympics.

The dragon's talon struck hard against Darkness. She cried out in pain, and her breastplate was shattered by the blow. Somehow, she managed to keep her feet. The dragon snorted. It had underestimated these mice that had woken it. It wouldn't again. It opened its mouth and readied to turn them into charcoal briquettes.

"Now!" shouted Kazuma.

"Throw Knife!" yelled Chris as she released the blade. It flew through the air, straight and true. The welded enchanted blade glimmered in the dim light as it sped towards the massive beast. Moments before the dragon could unleash hell, the sword flew into its mouth, embedding itself to the hilt in its palate.

The eyes of the party were locked on the dragon as they waited with bated breath for something to happen. The dragon did not breathe fire, it did not roar, it didn't do anything.

Finally, its eye rolled up into its head, and it collapsed. There was a great CRASH as it hit the ground, dead before it hit. Suddenly, the head caught fire with a purple flame, the enchantment taking effect to destroy the beast. The party let out a sigh of relief.

Chris quickly held up a hand. "Steal!" she called, and a scale appeared in her hand. The purple flames engulfed the rest of the corpse, burning fast, destroying everything. She held it up to Kazuma. "Proof we killed it for the bounty," she said.

Kazuma nodded. The dragon was mostly consumed by the fire now, bones and all. "Guess we won't be able to sell off the corpse for parts," he said. "Hope the treasure is worth it."

Aqua straightened. "Of course it will be!" she said confidently. "That's why we're here, right? A dragon that big will have a huge horde it was guarding!" She pointed to the far wall of the chamber where a door could barely be seen. "That must be the treasure room! Come on!" She raced towards the door."

The rest of the party shared a look, shrugged, and followed Aqua into the final chamber.

"This is it?" asked Aqua, incredulously. "Only one chest? Where are the piles of gold? Where are the precious gems and jewelry? Just what kind of dragon horde is this anyway?"

Darkness held up the torch, looking around the room. "There are no other doors out of here," she said. "It was obvious that the dragon was guarding this room. It must be the treasure we were told to find."

Kazuma rubbed his chin in thought. "But for twenty million eris? What could possibly be inside a single chest that is worth that much?"

"Ooo!" piped up Aqua. "Maybe it's some kind of powerful magical item! Those can be worth a lot!"

"Can you sense any magic coming from the chest?" Kazuma asked.

Aqua squinted in concentration for a moment, then frowned. "Huh. There's something magical in there, but I wouldn't call it powerful."

Chris shrugged. "Well, there's really only one way to find out!"

The party crowded around the chest, Chris laid a hand on the lid, feeling for a trap. Darkness held up the torch so they could see, and Kazuma leaned in to look. Aqua found herself in the back of the group. "Hey!" she shouted as she jumped in place to get over the others' shoulders. "I can't see!"

"Hold your horses," Kazuma chastised. "Let her get the chest open first."

Aqua pouted, grumbling about usurpers in the group.

"There are no traps, and it's not a mimic," Chris said. She got some tools out and picked the lock. They all leaned in closer as she opened the lid.

Inside the chest, there was a pile of straw, though the top of a glass bottle could be seen sticking up through the padding. Chris gently pulled the bottle out, examining it critically. The glass was a deep purple and molded into the shape of a stylized skeleton. "What is this?" she asked, turning the bottle over in her hands. A liquid could be heard sloshing around inside.

"Maybe it's a poison of some kind?" said Kazuma. Chris handed it up to him, and he examined it with a critical eye. "There's no label," he muttered. He pulled the stopper and gingerly took a whiff. "It doesn't smell like anything," he remarked.

Chris turned back to the chest and started to rummage through the straw. "Maybe there's a note or something in the chest?" Her hand came up with an old scroll. "Hey, I found something!"

"Hey Kazuma! Lemme see!" chirped Aqua. She pushed past Darkness, bullying her way through the group. "I'm the only magician in here, maybe I can figure it out!" She pushed against his shoulder, grabbing greedily for the bottle

"H-hey!" Kazuma said as he was jostled. "Aqua! What…?" He managed to keep from falling over, but he lost his grip on the bottle.

Darkness, Aqua, and Kazuma all gasped as the bottle flipped over and over, before crashing towards the ground. "No!" they yelled in unison.

Chris looked up at their cries, gasped as she saw the bottle hanging in the air, then reached out and snagged it, saving it from smashing on the stone floor.

The party all sighed in relief.

The clear liquid poured out of the bottle, onto Chris's head. She had caught the bottle upside down, and the stopper was still in Kazuma's head.

Aqua's wails of anguish echoed through the dungeon. "Our reward!"

Kazuma's heart sank, but then he winced as smoke started to rise from her body. "Oh shit!" He fumbled in his pack for his water skin. "Aqua! Get a hold of yourself and get the healing spell cranking! It's some kind of acid!"

Chris looked at her arms. "Actually, I think I'm ok," she said calmly. "It doesn't even tingle."

Kazuma sighed in relief. Well, at least it wasn't going to hurt her. He turned back to Chris to see if they could figure out what it was doing when he stopped short.

A trickle of blood dripped from his nose.

Darkness reacted first. She shoved Kazuma to the ground and stood in front of Chris to shield her from view. "You letch!" she shouted.

Kazuma groaned in pain from on the floor, glaring up at Darkness. "Don't blame me!" he yelled back. "I didn't make her clothes melt!"

Chris blinked in surprise. Her arms hadn't gotten splashed, so her sleeves and gloves were untouched. However, when she looked down at her torso, she saw nothing but bare skin. The puddle of potion she sat in had a mix of greens and blues from the clothing she had been wearing.

"Kyaaaa!" She screamed, covering her chest with her arms while she squeezed her legs together. "Don't look!"

Kazuma sighed. "Chris said she found a scroll. Maybe it will tell us how to reverse it or something."

Darkness kept glaring at Kazuma, daring him to try to sneak a peek, while she gingerly picked up the scroll. She unfurled it herself, then sighed. "It's in some language I don't understand." She handed it to Kazuma.

Kazuma took a look. "It's Japanese," he muttered. "Clothes Melting Potion," he read aloud to the others. "Guaranteed to instantly create a sexy situation. Will not harm skin! (Warning, do not use with leather products)."

Darkness sighed deeply. "Well, that explains what happened."

Kazuma nodded in agreement. "And why it was worth so much."

Aqua sobbed.

Darkness looked over her shoulder. "Chris, do you have a change of clothes?"

"Do I look like I have a change of clothes?" she asked testily.

Kazuma rummaged around in his pack, pulling out his water skin and something green. He placed one hand over his eyes and approached. "Here. Rinse off first to make sure you don't just melt these too."

Chris looked up at him. He was holding out a suit of clothes, shirt, and pants. "Thank you," she said genuinely. She reached out and took the proffered outfit.

Kazuma smiled, though he didn't remove his hand from his eyes. "I expect to get them back after we get to town," he admonished, wagging his free finger in her general direction. "That tracksuit is very special to me, and I want it back!"

Chris chuckled. "I really appreciate it." She opened the water skin, and dumped its contents out over her head to wash off any remaining potion, then pulled the jacket over her head.

Aqua frowned at the exchange. She looked pointedly at Darkness. Darkness rolled her eyes and helped Chris get dressed.

The light from the sun burned as they exited the dungeon, making them all squint and shield their eyes. Megumin was sitting by a roaring fire next to the entrance, keeping out of the wind as much as possible. "You made it!" she exclaimed as they emerged.

Aqua frowned at the exchange. She looked pointedly at Darkness. Darkness rolled her eyes and helped Chris get dressed.

Megumin jogged excitedly in place. "So how much treasure is there?"

"None."

Her face fell. "What?" she asked flatly.

Darkness shook her head. "The treasure was a magic potion, but it got spilled."

Kazuma crossed his arms. "Yeah, when Aqua got all grabby," he grumbled.

"All we have to show for it is an empty bottle," Darkness continued.

Megumin groaned loudly. "Aquaaaaaa!"

Aqua pouted. "It's not my fault!" she whined.

Kazuma turned and blew up at her. "You knocked it out of my hand!"

"Only because you wouldn't let me see!"

Kazuma rolled his eyes. "Anyway, the long and the short of it is we went through all of that and are coming up empty-handed."

"Wait a minute!" Aqua shouted. "It's not all that bad. We still get the bounty for killing that dragon! That was worth a million eris all by itself!"

"I thought we promised Chris the bounty?" said Megumin

Aqua poked her fingers together nervously. "Well considering the treasure was a waste, I figured it was fine to change the terms of the agreement."

Kazuma rolled his eyes. "After everything you did to screw over this whole quest, I think we should make you pay everyone."

Aqua waved him off. "Oh don't be making jokes, Kazuma. You know I don't have any money."

Kazuma sighed. He turned to Chris. "Look, you held up your end of the bargain, we're going to hold up ours." He handed her the job posting to go with dragon scale they had taken as proof. "You turn in the bounty and take the money. We'll be fine."

Megumin sighed but nodded in agreement.

Darkness gave Chris a thumbs-up and a wink.

"WHAT?" Aqua yelled. "You stupid NEET! Why the hell are you going to give her all that money? Don't you want to stop sleeping in the stables? We could use our share to get a house in town!"

"It's the right thing to do Aqua!" Kazuma shouted back. "She earned that money!"

Aqua laughed derisively at him. "You're being so obtuse. What about the rest of us? We were there too! What, do you think if you give her all that money she's going to take your virginity or something?"

"He's not a virgin," piped up Megumin.

Aqua wheeled on her. "Huh?"

Megumin shrugged. "Where do you think he's been sleeping on those cold nights when he doesn't join you in the stable?"

"He said he was sleeping in the park…" Aqua replied though it was obvious she was starting to disbelieve it. "In a tent with a fire going, under six blankets. Sometimes he would cuddle with a pig for warmth…"

Megumin shook her head. "He's been sleeping with Luna."

Aqua gaped at her. She turned to Darkness, who shrugged and nodded in confirmation. She turned to Kazuma, whose whole face was beet red, and his eyes were focused on his shoes. She turned to Chris, who held up her hands defensively. "Hey, don't look at me," she said. "I only found out when I saw him come down with Luna this morning."

Aqua's jaw hit the floor. The life left her eyes, and she collapsed bonelessly to the ground. The party looked at each other, shrugged, and then made their way back to Axel.

Author's notes: We're back in KonoSuba!

That dragon fight gave me writers block for the longest time, but I finally had a breakthrough and got it done! Writing this little quest was a lot of fun!

Yes, that's the potion from Frieren. If you read my fic "The Receptionist," then you know that I subscribe to the theory that all fantasy and isekai anime take place in the same world.

But what about the sex scene? Isn't the whole point of this series to get Kazuma to fuck practically every girl? Well, yes, but in order to have Chris want to fuck him, I had to have her forgive him for stealing her panties, and my reasoning kinda snowballed from there. this story became too long for a oneshot, so you get two chapters!

I know. I'm so generous and humble.

Let me know what you think, and we'll see you soon for chapter 2!