DISCLAIMER: I do not own the rights to either Godzilla or Hazbin Hotel. Godzilla belongs to Toho Studios, and Hazbin Hotel belongs to Vivziepop.
Chapter 11: Chupacabra
(Earth - Tijuana, Mexico)
Given a new assignment, Blitz and the crew were now hunting alongside Rodan to hunt and kill Gerardo Velazquez. He lived on a small farm outside of Tijuana, Mexico. Described as a middle-aged male, smells strongly of hay and tequila. Neither Blitz or Rodan spoke the client's language, but he kept making a hand motion that made Blitz think the target was a real freak.
When they arrived, the imps stepped out as Rodan flew through the port and landed on a tractor. He breathed in the night air and sighed, feeling relieved to breathe fresh air after being in Hell for so long. "Nice to breathe the fresh air." He said.
"Glad you approve, bud. Alright. Seems like this one's nice and remote. Won't take us too long to-" Before Blitz could finish his sentence, a random goat nudged him. "WHAT THE F-" He exclaimed as he saw an entire herd of goats around them. "What the fuck are these things?!" He asked while shoving one away.
"I want to say these are earth goats, sir." Moxxie informed him as a young goat bleated at him.
"How do you not know what an earth goat is, Blitz?" Rodan asked him.
Grunting as he got up, he found one goat chewing on his coat. "I don't care how great they are, Ro, they are In. My. Way!" He grabbed a goat by the horns and it crashed into a silo. He kicked other goats as they crashed against a barn, and one slammed against Gerardo's house as the light turned on.
He opened the door and stepped out. "Qué está pasando?!" He asked only to see what was going on. "¡Qué carajo?!" He exclaimed, seeing Blitz and his crew killing his goats.
Rodan remained on the tractor as he watched Blitz stomping two goats to death, Millie was smacking a goat against another one, and Moxxie was in a slap fight with the youngest. "Nice! Easy, easy goats! Easy!" He exclaimed.
"¡El Chupacabras!" Gerardo exclaimed as he dropped his bottle of tequila and whipped out his double barrel shotgun, shooting at them as several shots hit the dead goats.
Blitz emerged out of one with a goat skull on his head. "Shit! Scatter!" He exclaimed and ran off, Rodan took flight to get away, while Moxxie was being dragged, and Millie had a goat in her mouth. The two ran off as Blitz jumped on an old goat and shot back at Gerardo, but the goat didn't run fast enough. "Run you stretched asshole!" He exclaimed, only for the goat to drop to the ground. "Damn it!" He cried out but got hit in the head by a sandal as he yelped and saw the thrower.
It was Gerardo's wife (Name: Unknown), she pulled off her other sandal with fury in her eyes. "¡Pendejo que te voy a arrancar la cabeza!" She threw it at him. "La Chupacabra mierda esta-"
Blitz got hit by the sandal as he yelped and rubbed his head. "Ay caramba, he brought the big guns." He exclaimed as Rodan swooped down and shielded him with his wings. "Come on gang, we lost the element of surprise, let's just get him tomorrow." He suggested.
"Not a bad idea!" Rodan exclaimed as Blitz opened the portal.
"You got it, sir!" Moxxie stumbled, still weak from his fight with a goat as he helped Millie. "Wooooah- let's go Millie!" He yelled as he got her into the portal, she reached through and pulled him through.
Rodan flew off as he avoided several gunshots from Gerardo, while Blitz ran on foot to the portal while tripping over a goat and he shot back at their target. He ran as he randomly shot in every direction. Rodan saw it as he avoided a few stay shots. "Hey! Watch where you're aiming!" He yelled.
"Sorry!" Blitz apologized as he shot at Gerardo, one of his shots hit a gas tank and a tractor, setting it on fire, but a random shot put the flame out as the goat watched. But when a shot hit the outside laboratory (the toilet), it caused a massive explosion that forced Rodan to fly past the portal and disappear, while Blitz flew towards the portal in hopes he'll make it. But his effort was tarnished when a burning goat landed on him. "AUGH!" He cried out and fell unconscious as the portal closed.
Shaking his head, Rodan saw it and his eyes widened. "Blitz!" He went to help him, but gunshots flew past him as he narrowly avoided them.
"Camazotz!" Gerardo referred to him while shooting at him, but Rodan flew off to escape, leaving Blitz behind as he was unconscious under the burning goat.
"I'm sorry Blitz…" Rodan muttered and flew away, leaving him to the humans.
The next morning, Blitz began to stir as he groaned in pain. "Mmmm, eughh." He groaned as he came to, but realized something different about his outfit. He got up finding himself in a makeshift chupacabra costume, made of all the dead goats he killed. "What the… EFF?!" He pulled on the ears and poked his head out seeing a crowd.
Gerado had put him on display to be a stand-in chupacabra. "¡Vengan todos! ¡Señoras y Señores! ¡Pasenle, pasenle! Vengan a ver un AUTÉNTICO Chupacabra! Only a hundred pesos!" He declared while touching what looked like a rip off of the Jurassic Park logo. "To see REAL Chupacabras caught by ME! Last night. And I almost caught a Camazotz, but it escaped!" He exclaimed.
"A chupa and camo what?!" Blitz asked while noticing a kid trying to touch him, he smacked his ice cream into his face and pushed him away. "Look buddy, I'll have you know that I am a dignified-"
"No hablo Inglés." Gerardo told him.
"What?! You were just speaking-" Before Blitz could argue, Gerardo stuffed a toy goat in his mouth, shutting him up.
"Everyone! Watch this monstruo… suck the blood from the goat!" He told them as everyone watched in awe as Blitz, wasn't exactly sucking, but choking on the toy goat.
He managed to spit it out onto a woman's chest and smack another ice cream into the same kid's face. "Look asshole! The only sucking I do is on cocks-" Just when he said it, Gerardo shoved a chicken in his mouth, causing Blitz to spit it out. "Not that kind! Pussies-" Gerardo shoved a cat in his face, misinterpreting him a second time. "FUCK! Dammit I'm doing a bit!" He threw the cat away. "And cloacas." He expected Gerardo to shove another animal in his mouth, but to his surprise, he saw Gerardo starring with a look of shock. "Now if you don't mind-" Gerardo put an iguana in his mouth. "OH! I'M GONNA PUT YOU IN THE FUCKING GROUND! Hang on." He said as he checked to find his shotgun, but it wasn't on him. He looked to see that Gerardo had it, along with the lust gem. "Fuuuuuuuuuck me." He complained.
Rodan meanwhile was in the crowd, wearing a cloak as he watched Blitz in his predicament. Suddenly, he noticed a van driving up with a sombrero and a sign that said tacos. Two people, a man and a woman stepped out wearing sombreros and fake mustaches as they removed them, showing they were agents from D.H.O.R.K.S., showed up. "That can't be good." He muttered while keeping his hood over his face.
"Alright. We gotta secure the scene. We heard there was a real "Chupacabra" here?" Agent 1 asked them.
Beaming with pride, Gerardo stepped up. "Yes, over here!" He exclaimed while removing the lust gem and putting it in his pocket and walking to them. "Hundred pesos please." He requested.
"Senor, we are with the government." Agent 2 told him.
"Hundred. Pesos." Gerardo said sternly.
"Right. So uhhh…" Agent 1 turned to his colleague for an answer. "How much is that?" He asked her.
"Five dollars and six-nine cents." She answered him.
"Uhh, you have any cash on you?" Agent 1 asked.
"Who has cash anymore?" She argued.
"You paid the tip with cash at brunch the other day." He reminded her while Rodan took this as a chance to sneak to the cage.
"Yeah, that's all I had. Why don't you pay him?" She asked as the young goat was lifted by Gerardo. "I bought us the coffee this morning." She reminded him.
"Are you really pulling that card in front of this fine man and his fine goats?" He asked her as the young goat bleated and ran off. "No, what? I literally never have cash in my life. You're always the one who pays cash." He told her as the two began to argue.
Blitz meanwhile was trying to chew through the bars. "Pssst, Blitz. Blitz!" Rodan called to him as he looked towards him.
"Ro! Oh thank Satan! Get me outta here." He pleaded.
"Can't, Gerardo has the key, and your lust gem." Rodan informed him.
"Can't you just melt the bars with your heat?" Blitz asked him.
"I lived in a volcano, I'm not bio volcanic. Although, that would be very cool. But I can't do that." He regretfully said to him as he took notice of the outfit. "You look ridiculous." He commented.
Groaning in annoyance, Blitz fell to his knees. "You can say that again." He said till he noticed the young goat. "Hey, hey psst!" He got its attention. "Yeah, I know I killed some of your family earlier, but look! If you help me out of this little pickle…" He pulled out a piece of cheese for him. "I'll make it up to you little fella." He fed the cheese to the young goat as it chewed and swallowed.
Rodan watched in surprise as the little goat let out a bleat. "This oughta be interesting." He commented.
"Sooo, can you take canard, or-" Before Agent 1 could ask, the young goat charged and hit him in the balls. "OW!" He cried out.
"OOOOOHHHH!" Rodan and Blitz groaned from watching.
"Right in the baby makers!" Rodan exclaimed.
"Yeah, and he got the horns too!" Blitz shouted as he grimaced in pain.
"Ffff-uck, you stupid goat!" Agent 1 scolded the young goat.
That immediately disrespected Gerardo when he heard it. "YOU INSULT MY GOOOAT!" He yelled as the young goat bleated. "YOU PAY WITH YOUR LIIIIIIIFE!" He aimed Blitz's shotgun at him, point blank as Agents 1 and 2 whipped out their pistols.
"Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey!" They yelled together as they were in a literal Mexican standoff. "Wooahhh/Heyyyy!" They tried to cool the situation.
Gerardo was about to shoot, but both his hands got burnt by the shotgun, for only demons could use it. As he got burnt, he shrieked in pain as the gun shot out a bullet. It ricocheted off a windmill, bounced off Blitz's cage and shot the front right tire of the D.H.O.R.K.S. van. The windmill that was shot earlier came down and chopped Gerardo in half as he let out a painful grunt. "Estoy. Muerto." He said with his last breath and died.
Rodan was surprised by the turn of events. "That was the most random kill I've ever seen in my life." He admitted.
Agent 2 felt Agent 1 leap into her arms as she held him. "Oh dear god." She muttered.
"DEMON GUN!" Agent 1 exclaimed as he and his colleague pulled out their pistols and shot at the shotgun, while the young goat took the lust crystal and approached Blitz and Rodan.
Surprised, Rodan couldn't believe what he was seeing. "That is one smart goat." He complimented.
"Hey, thatta boy!" Blitz took the lust crystal and put it around his wrist and spat on it as he rubbed it gently with his finger, opening a portal as he jumped through, leaving Rodan to smirk as he turned to the Agents. As they shot the demon gun, Blitz appeared on the roof of his cage. "Hey dipshits! Remember me?!" He asked as he taunted them with the middle finger.
Gasping, Agent 2 immediately recognized him. "It's him!" She yelled.
"And I brought backup!" Blitz told them as Rodan spread his wings, removing his cloak as he shrieked at them.
"Get them!" Agent 1 yelled as he shot at Rodan, causing him to fly away as the shots missed him. While Agent 2 shot at Blitz as he ran away, laughing maniacally as he got his shotgun from the young goat. Agent 1 shot at Rodan, trying to land a shot against him, but Rodan was too quick as he chuckled and swooped towards him and caused a dust cloud to kick up and hit him, making the agent cough harshly as he looked around. "Hold still you overgrown flying chicken!" He yelled as he shot at him.
Meanwhile, Agent 2 shot at Blitz as he fumbled his shotgun but picked it up as he leapt away towards a window. He landed against it, but it didn't shatter as he climbed up, avoiding the shots as he laughed and made it to the roof. "CHUPACABRA!" The crowd cheered.
"Yaaay! Me gustaaa!" The boy cheered while flinging glass around.
While Blitz laughed as Rodan landed behind him. "Yeah, bitch! I'm the fucking chupra-ca-dupra, and I'm here to FUCK YOU AAAALL!" He shot into the air as goats ran out of the barn.
Just at that moment, a random civilian popped out between Agents 1 and 2. "Oh my god, everybody run! He's got a gun!" He exclaimed as everyone ran away.
"Aye dio mio! Tiene pistola!" Gerardo's wife exclaimed in Spanish, while the goats went on a rampage, chewing everyone's cameras, and limbs! One goat had Gerardo's shotgun and it aimed towards Agent 1's leg and shot him, he fell down with a wounded leg as Agent 2 dragged him away.
"Agent 1! Get over here!" She yelled, while the goats were going nuts and eating all the pesos they could get their teeth into.
"We got badges, we're legit! We're important!" Agent 1 exclaimed while smacking a goat. "Get out of our way!" He yelled, only to see his badge get snatched by a goat as more of the herd attacked him and Agent 2. "No! More goats!" He cried out.
While Agent 2 was getting her hair pulled by the goats. "Oh my god, run!" She yelled as they tried to get to the van, Agent 1 got slapped in the face, while she got hit in the ass. They got to the van as they were frantic. "Come on!" She exclaimed as a goat slammed on the windshield. "AHHH! Too many goats! Ohh, too many goats!" She yelled as Agent 1 turned on the van and they drove off like a bat out of hell.
Rodan laughed as they ran away, never in his life did he imagine he'd see something like that. "Okay, that was a lot of goats." He stated.
"Yeah it was." Blitz agreed as he saw the young goat next to him and he kneeled to it. "Amazing work there lil' buddy." He petted the little goat on the head and smiled. "You really helped our asses out. And for that I'm making you an honorary I.M.P V.I.P. uh… associate." He declared.
"Can you actually do that?" Rodan asked.
"Sure I can. Here, have a sticker. Ha ha! Nyonk!" He placed the sticker on the goats forehead, showing a pentagram and the IMP logo with the quote "Gud Job!" on it. "Alright, Ro, let's blow this taco stand." He suggested while opening the portal.
"Right behind you, but be sure to change out of that costume. You smell of rotten meat." Rodan told him as he stepped through with him.
"Later!" Blitz gave the young goat a rock sign as he closed the portal, leaving it as the little goat walked to the edge of the roof, seeing the herd surrounding it. It looked through the herd till it looked up as its mouth was gaped open.
A moment later, it was wearing demonic clothes, large horns being its crown as the herd bowed to it, worshipping the young goat as their leader as human body parts and candles were around them. The young goat bleating loudly as it made its declaration as the leader of what anyone would describe, as the "Cult of the Lambs".
(Hey guys, Leonidas1994 here. I swear, this chapter was crazy fun, despite being short. But god! I loved the Chupacabra short, because it was pure insanity! Rodan was definitely a good pick for this one, I don't care how short it was, it's perfect. I hope you guys enjoy the fact that Gerardo mistook him for Camazotz. Enjoy the chapter.)