The Next Fire Lord
2
Life and laughter would be restored gradually across the Capital, but it seemed their roots would be found in Sokka's house: never had the place been as crowded as it was now, when it hosted a massive sky bison in its backyard, as well as the Avatar who rode it. Katara, naturally, accompanied him while Kino joined the Princess's guards at a small campfire they had built in the garden. Toph and Zuko, in the end, had chosen to stay in Mai's place, but even so, the house seemed all too small to host so many people.
"Are you quite sure you're fine with the couch for now?" Azula asked Rei, pointedly, as they stood at the living room. Rei held blankets to her chest, smiling kindly at her mother. "I know it's late, but clearing out one of the storage rooms isn't beyond us…"
"We'll be better fit to do it tomorrow," Rei said, reassuringly. "I know you'll be busy by then… but I think Song doesn't want to go to the funeral."
"Makes sense that she wouldn't," Azula reasoned, glancing about herself: a number of sleeping bags on the floor gave away that Rei wouldn't be the only one resting in the living room, even though most of the guards wouldn't be likely to turn in yet.
"She'll likely stay here, with Hotaru, and maybe others will too. We can ask them to help out with that," Rei decided, with a shrug. Azula sighed but smiled.
"Well, let's do that, then," she said, pulling Rei in for a tight hug. The young woman hugged her too, rubbing her back reassuringly. "Thank you for everything, Rei. If these dorks annoy you or won't let you sleep, make sure to call for me and I'll just…"
"No need," Rei laughed, face pressed to Azula's shoulder. "It'll be fine, I'm sure. Everyone's tired after all."
"I guess so," Azula sighed, smiling as she pulled back.
"You are, too. So… go on up already," Rei said, with a giggle. "They're waiting for you."
Azula's chest tightened with joy at that thought. She couldn't conceal the fondness in her smile now as she nodded, marching towards the stairs.
"Good night, Rei," she said. Rei smiled too, nodding as she took her seat on the couch.
"Good night, Mom."
Azula's heart raced as she reached the upper floor: Song and Rui Shi had yet to close the door to their room, and it appeared that they were rather busy cleaning it before turning in. Azula slowed down by the ajar door, glimpsing the earnest kindness of her former Captain as he followed Song's every command… she knew to walk away and provide them privacy, and she did so just as Rui Shi moved closer to take Song into his arms. They had just as much lost time to make up for as she and Sokka did.
She found him sitting against the bed's headrest, with Hotaru on his lap. His voice had drifted out of the room, giving away that he was speaking with her. The baby appeared to be transfixed with whatever he was sharing, and Azula smiled at the sight of them as she entered the room.
"… So, when all seemed lost, Grumpy Rhino ran out of firepower! And what did Wentai do? Oh, he took that as his chance to run at his enemy! Yeah, that's right! Wentai jumped into the air, he seized Grumpy Rhino by the head, with his thighs, and after flipping in the air one time, he dunked the other guy right into the sand! And did he win with that, you'll wonder? Why… u-uh. Uh, heh. Hey there."
His cheeks lit up with bashful redness upon realizing his spirited retelling was being overheard by an amused Princess. Her smile grew larger as she stepped closer to the bed: Hotaru, on her father's lap, seemed to protest the interruption of the story, whimpering and patting his chest.
"Well?" Azula said, raising her eyebrows and sitting by the bedside, staring at him intently. "What was the fight's outcome? Did Wentai win?"
"Uh… heh. He… he did," Sokka smiled fondly, eyes set on her now, instead. "And Princess Jing was very happy about it, that's for sure."
"Oh, was she? How happy, exactly?" Azula asked, biting her lip.
"Well, Wentai wasn't entirely sure at first, but… after a while, he started to wonder if she'd be happy enough to kiss him for what he'd done," Sokka admitted, with a chuckle. "I mean, I…"
"She wasn't, unfortunately," Azula sighed, dramatically. Sokka raised an eyebrow. "And what a damn idiot she was for that. But here, let me make up for her foolish errors of judgment…"
Sokka snorted as Azula moved in, trapping his lips between hers. Hotaru, between the two of them, seemed not to understand their gesture of affection, much less that they would be so close to her, but that they would mainly focus on each other. Her soft voice, ringing with confusion, was the one thing that could make them break apart.
"Damn…" Sokka smiled groggily. "You know what? Maybe Princess Jing really should've done that."
"She was too proud and stupid to realize that she should have, but yes," Azula agreed, smiling as she slid into place, right beside Sokka. "I suppose you're refining your story so much more now that you've already shared it once, right?"
"I am, a bit," Sokka chuckled. "Crossed my mind to give it a go with Hotaru, but I have no idea how much she understands of it. Weirdly, she… doesn't like suspense. It's like she senses the inflection of my voice and realizes I'm leaving something unfinished, huh? Clever girl that she is…"
"She's your daughter. Of course she is," Azula said, closing her eyes and smiling. Sokka snorted.
"You're way more clever than…"
"Are we really going to start with this?" Azula asked, amused. Sokka chuckled. "It's so late, Sokka, we're tired… we can't spend the entire night arguing about who's smarter, can we?"
"Don't challenge us. We'd be capable of that and more," he said. Azula laughed, pressing her head to his shoulder.
"I almost can't believe it," she whispered, a hand reaching over him, landing on his thigh. "We're actually going to spend the night together, here, and… and no one's going to throw a fit about it. No consequences for it…"
"And we're doing it intentionally, too," Sokka smiled. "Remember our first? That… wasn't a very bright moment on our part, heh."
"Well, now, cut us some slack," Azula smiled. "We'd spent a year resisting the urges to have a go at each other that way. I think passing out for around twelve hours out of pure relief over finally succeeding was… well, reasonable."
"That's one word for it," Sokka chuckled, pulling her close and pressing a kiss to the side of her head. He turned towards Hotaru, who watched them intently. "Wanna know a secret, Hotaru? But don't tell your cousin Mari when you meet her, alright? The truth is… your mommy? She's Princess Jing!"
"No way! Me? That's not possible!" Azula gasped dramatically, startling Hotaru and causing Sokka to burst out in laughter. "Don't listen to your father, dear, he's just delusional. I would never get up to such strange antics… hiring some handsome, manly fighter who would change my world beyond belief and bring the very best out of me? That's… that's too much work. Too much effort. I'd rather just stay in bed with you and your silly father instead."
"Oh, sure," Sokka smirked. "Say… we will have to tell her about our story someday, right? Better if it's us than for other people to do it for us, right?"
"I suppose," Azula said, with a shrug. "But that'll have to wait until she's… I don't know. Ten?"
"She's going to hear about it from other people by then," Sokka warned Azula. The Princess shrugged.
"Surely not properly, though. We can give her a few kernels of information until we're ready to explain things. And, uh, not all things."
"No, no, we won't tell our kids about our inappropriate behavior, Azula, I know…" Sokka smirked. Azula snorted.
"We, Sokka, are an absolutely ghastly example for children," Azula said. He chuckled at first, but the reality of Azula's statement sank in later. "If Hotaru learned how many times we snuck around to see each other, well… the minute she fancies anyone, she's bound to start doing the same thing."
"That's a good point. But, uh, we're better parents than yours," Sokka said. "We'll make sure she understands that she's allowed to have a partner and that we won't force her to sneak around that way… right?"
"Hopefully," Azula smiled. "Unfortunately, teenagers enjoy the thrills of sneaking around far more than they should. We weren't teenagers and we had fun doing that, too."
"We did. I do hope we'll enjoy not doing that far more, but… I can imagine we'll do risky nonsense once in a while, if the urge ever hits us," Sokka smirked. Azula scoffed, leveling him with a skeptical glare. "What? Getting one quickie or another in an inappropriate place, before anyone notices us, isn't a bad idea…"
"I'm genuinely amazed by how much progress you've made in a couple of days if you're already thinking of such things," Azula smirked. Sokka chuckled, sliding an arm over her shoulders and reeling her in for a hug. "You're ridiculous. And I love you as you are, but still, you are…"
"It's just… crazy to think that this is going to be our new normal," he sighed happily. "No matter where we may be… we're going to bed and waking up together every day. No need to worry about what anyone will say, what anyone will think… though, to be fair, some will judge us at first."
"They have no say upon our relationship, so fuck them," Azula said, dismissively, but Sokka tensed up and sat upright, surprising her. "Sokka?"
"You're right, of course," Sokka said, with an uncertain smile. "But I just remembered there's one thing I meant to do, I merely hadn't had the chance so far. This could be the right moment for it, though…"
He picked up Hotaru and placed her against the pillows before climbing off the bed. Azula blinked blankly, watching him move quickly towards his bags. Hotaru leaned back, grabbing her feet with her hands as she waited for her father to return.
"Look… I get it if it's not the right time yet," Sokka said, rising to his full height after retrieving something from his bags. "But… I kind of need to do this now. No, I really do need to do it now."
He breathed out heavily before climbing on the bed again… and once he showed her what he had been holding in his tightly closed hand, Azula's lips parted with a heartfelt gasp.
The smooth, blue stone of her betrothal necklace, with that beautifully carved flame, greeted her. Sokka smiled, no doubt nervous, but not enough to hesitate. The sight of tears in her eyes, be them of relief to see her treasure intact, or pure joy upon his gesture, stirred his own emotions deeply.
"Sokka…" Azula managed to say, choked up. "It's…"
"It's your necklace," Sokka smiled, biting his lip. "Yeah… I kept it safe all the while. Hell knows how, really, considering everything I went through, and how I carried it with me all the time, but…"
Azula covered her mouth with a hand: his own hand, however, remained stretched, as though awaiting the answer he knew was most likely to arrive. The Princess's eyes flooded with tears right away, and she raised her pleading gaze at him.
"Sokka…" she said, breathlessly. He bit his lip before shaking his head.
"Okay, you know what? Let's do this the right way," he chuckled, breathing deeply and calming himself. "I've kept this… for all this time. I think it kept me sane, for most of it. It might even have been the reason why I could contact you at all, because… more often than not? I could feel you most closely, across all that distance, when I held it. I know it's been… well, a really complicated year. I know now what I always should have: you returned it so I could keep it safe… and now, it seems my mission's complete. So… so here comes the question I will ask, as I should have, regardless of whatever anyone may think of our bond, regardless of whether the world would accept it or not… because all that matters is what we want. And I know I want you, so… all that's left is for you to answer that old question of mine, one last time: Azula… will you marry me?"
She shivered, tears spilling down her face now, but a smile spread across it, too: she could have reassured him, could have reminded him again of why she hadn't kept it, thanked him for bringing it back to her…
But instead, she leaned close, taking his face between her hands to kiss him deeply, earnestly. Sokka chuckled, wrapping his arms around her waist as she leaned into him a little too enthusiastically: he wound up falling on his back, with Azula climbing atop him, kissing him repeatedly in unrestrained enthusiasm. Sokka laughed at her reaction, even if tears also blinked in the corners of his eyes once Azula pulled back, with the most vulnerable, earnest and beautiful smile upon her face.
"Yes… yes, Sokka. I will marry you."
She had always meant it when she answered that question positively. This time, however, the meaning rang truer than ever before: no longer would they need to hide the truth… she wouldn't take off the necklace every day, keeping it concealed so nobody would understand…
She kissed Sokka again, as his hands rode up over her back to reach her nape. Without looking, for he didn't need to, Sokka slid the necklace into place, fastening the fabric over the back of Azula's neck. The smooth, oval-shape stone dangled between them as Azula kissed him repeatedly: she stopped doing it once she felt the weight of the stone over her neck, and she laughed softly in pure joy.
"T-there… where it should always be. Where it belongs," Azula said. Sokka nodded. "I'm… I'm not taking it off, okay? I'm not. Never again."
"Now, now, you can take it off when you take a bath…"
"Not a chance."
"Azula…!"
She laughed before kissing him again: Sokka's chuckles were bliss against her lips, and Azula couldn't seem to find a way to channel all her happiness properly. Her tears escaped her eyes, falling upon his face, even, and Sokka cupped her cheek as he reeled her closely to himself, an arm around her waist.
"You're sure, though?" he asked, softly. "Even… tomorrow?"
Azula breathed deeply… but where she stopped kissing him, she still didn't seem to change her mind, her smile as earnest as before.
"He… he as good as approved, at the very end. Even if he might not have meant it quite like that… but I don't care," Azula smiled. "Even if he hadn't approved, though? This… this is who I truly am. I'm the Fire Nation Princess… and I love you, Sokka."
He grinned back, kissing her lips softly, as though to prize the way they had shaped upon offering such welcome words. Azula didn't hold back from kissing him fully anew… but she pulled back abruptly, startling Sokka when she did.
"Azula…?"
"Yours," Azula said, with a bright smile. "I need to get you yours. Don't… don't worry. I'll find it."
She climbed off the bed in an agile hurry, leaving Sokka to admire the way her nimble body leapt over the mattress. He smiled, eyes raking her body with delight… before flushing upon realizing that their daughter, confused, still nestled by the pillows.
"U-uh… you'll be going into your crib shortly, little one. Don't you worry about that," Sokka said, grinning awkwardly and rising to sit up. "Sometimes, uh, mommy and daddy will be a little overwhelmed with how much they love each other, Hotaru. And when that happens, well… you'll have to look away, I guess."
"Look away?" Azula asked, laughing as she rummaged through the box of her treasured writings, which Rei had ensured to bring to the room. "I think it's far more likely that, once she grows up, she'll boldly protest whenever we're too careless about being intimate like this. Sorry to say."
"Eh, well. Guess we'll have to enjoy it while she doesn't speak or understand what's going on," Sokka chuckled, hoisting Hotaru into his arms again. "Your mommy looks pretty with that necklace, doesn't she? Well, she looks pretty without it too, of course, but you get what I mean…"
Azula smiled, shaking her head at his sweet words before finally rising back to her feet. Sokka perked up at once when she turned towards him: the bone necklace he had worn for much of his youth, the one he had given to her, to reassure her throughout her hardest times, nestled upon her palm.
"If you think my necklace saved your life… well, there's no doubt yours did the same for me," Azula smiled, climbing on the bed and offering it to him. "I remember you told me… you didn't want to wear it, out of fear of losing it, or that it might break in the Arena?"
"Yeah," Sokka smiled sadly.
"Well… you don't have to worry about that anymore," Azula smiled. Sokka's eyes gleamed with hope. "No more need for that… no more Gladiator League, no more Hundred Year War: you can take it back now… and may it be the symbol of a new life for you, just as mine is, for me."
Azula leaned in, fastening the necklace over his nape as she spoke. Once it clicked, Sokka smiled warmly before taking her face in his hands, kissing her fully. Azula responded in kind, fingers slipping into his hair, holding him in place as his gratitude filled her heart with joy. It was but a small gesture, but so heartfelt it seemed to have healed much of the harm and pain they'd suffered while they were apart. It seemed to be a renewal of their many promises… a blissful sign of better times that would be sure to begin soon, for they were mere days away from starting in earnest.
While strong temptations no doubt slipped through their minds, neither of them acted on the impulse to rejoice completely in their renewed intent to marry: instead, they reclaimed their earlier positions in bed, with Hotaru once again nestling between them. Her curiosity and childish glee saw her distracting her parents for quite a few hours: once the child was too tired, though, Sokka's intentions of carrying her to her crib went forgotten as all three of them fell placidly asleep, sharing no end of kisses and warm smiles until exhaustion claimed them fully.
Cold morning light drifted through the balcony seven hours later. The sun's rise stirred Azula awake, but she didn't rise. Her arm, wrapped around Sokka's waist, remained locked in place as she allowed herself to ponder, mournfully, what awaited her on that day.
With any luck, this would be the last miserable, melancholic day she'd experience for some time. Nothing guaranteed that the future would be straightforwardly beautiful and perfect… but the one appointment ahead that would be certain to break Azula's heart all over again was the one she had asked for today, at the Capital's Temple.
She didn't wish to get up yet. She didn't want to face the inevitability of biding a true farewell to her father's empty body. She knew he was dead, of course she did, she had held him as it happened… but hearts seemed incapable of grasping reason when it came to such matters. If she felt herself break upon every memory of the man who had tormented her so, upon every thought that she would never truly see him again, never speak with him, never save him from himself again, the sight of his body, on his funerary pyre, would devastate her.
Normally, lying in bed with Sokka until he woke up would have been a possibility: Hotaru challenged that quickly enough, though, as she woke up crying out for food as well as a diaper change. Sokka stirred under the sounds as Azula pushed herself up, taking their daughter into her arms.
"Now, now… no need to make a fuss," she said, gently rocking Hotaru before glancing at Sokka. His groggy blinking, accompanied by a slow smile, brought one to Azula's face too. "Good morning."
"Best morning," he said, beaming. "That's the one sight I always want to wake up to… my two favorite girls."
Azula laughed, offering him a kind smile before leaning closer to him: Sokka pushed himself up, meeting her in the middle for a heartfelt kiss. His hand cupped her face, but it slid down her neck, gently thumbing the pendant of her necklace.
"Looks as good on you as it always did…" he said, with a chuckle.
"I'm glad to hear it. And I'd be down to hearing more of your thoughts on the matter, but… we have a baby who needs attention," Azula said, with an awkward grin. "But, say… you could handle her this time, right?"
"I could," Sokka nodded, pushing himself up to sit fully. "Why does this sound like a test, somehow?"
"Because maybe it is one," Azula smirked. Sokka gasped in feigned outrage.
"Oh, that's how it is, huh? Well, good, then! Hotaru, you and I, we're going to make sure your mommy never ever questions my diaper changing abilities again!"
Azula laughed as Sokka retrieved Hotaru into his own embrace, kissing her brow softly… before glancing at Azula with uncertainty.
"Say, I can do it, but, uh, I'm not just out of practice, I also don't really know what to use…?"
"That's not a great case you're making for yourself, love," Azula chuckled, but she climbed off the bed to retrieve her bag with her supplies for Hotaru, nonetheless. Sokka bit his lip guiltily and shrugged at Hotaru, who gaped at him with curiosity anew.
Sokka was as true to his word as ever: Azula sat on the bed while he changed Hotaru on the dresser, following Azula's every indication faithfully, cleaning up the whimpering baby and ensuring to entertain her with silly faces and gentle words. She appeared to be much calmer quickly, raising her hands towards Sokka once he finished setting up the new, clean diaper and fastening her clothes all over again.
"Ah, there we are! A squeaky-clean baby, just as you wished it, Princess," Sokka said, walking back to her with Hotaru in his arms. Azula smiled, wrapping her arms around Sokka's waist, letting her head rest upon his abdomen once he stood with her. "See? I could do it after all…"
"Of course you can. And now, as a reward for your diligence… you're the designated primary diaper changer of this family. No takebacks," Azula smirked. Sokka yelped.
"Hey! Hey, now, it was a trap! A trap, Hotaru!" Sokka squeaked, raising the baby to his eye level. Hotaru gaped at him with confusion at his feigned hysterics, and Azula laughed against his torso while he waited for the baby to react… but she simply stared at him. "Doesn't bother you at all that it was one, kiddo? Really?"
"She's just appreciating how silly her dad is," Azula smiled, caressing his hip and kissing his abdomen softly. "But I am, despite your dramatic behavior, the primary food-giver, so… you'd best give her to me now, or else the waterworks will be a lot messier than they were over the diaper."
"Right, right. Breakfast time," Sokka chuckled, lowering Hotaru into Azula's arms again.
"Once things do calm down…" Azula said, holding Hotaru with one arm, undoing her sleep robe slightly with the other, so she could nurse the baby, "I hope we'll have enough time to start teaching her to walk and talk. I feel like… like maybe if we just give it a shot, she'll start doing it pretty soon. Might just be my idea, but…"
"She's our kid. It wouldn't surprise me if she were as impatient about getting things done as we are," Sokka smiled, settling on the bed, behind Azula. "And I'm impatient about that, myself. Can't wait to teach her everything we can… though, well, we really can't start just yet."
"No… no, we can't," Azula sighed, dropping her head against his shoulder, all humor and placid demeanor fleeing from her countenance. "Not today, that's for sure."
"Or tomorrow, as far as I can tell," Sokka said, head resting atop hers.
She sighed, stroking Hotaru's hair kindly as the heavy weight of that day's intended purpose dampened her mood anew. Sokka reassured her, kissing the side of her head.
"You're never ready for something like this," Sokka whispered. Azula sighed.
"No… even if you should be," Azula said. "I guess… I figured I'd never need to worry about mourning him. I thought he wouldn't die before me, so…"
"Good thing he disagreed with that notion," Sokka frowned. Azula winced. "I mean… parents usually don't outlive their children. Now that we are parents, too, it… it feels like that's not the way it should ever be. And with your dad's track record, it wouldn't have been surprising if he had decided to privilege himself over you… but he didn't."
"He didn't need to die… he shouldn't have," Azula said, choked up. "Why… why would I feel bad about his death? Why would it be a problem at all, after everything he did to me, to us, to the world? I… I shouldn't cry for his fate. We're all… we're better off without him. We wouldn't be free to be together if he were still here. So… why is it that hard?"
"Because you're only human," Sokka said, kissing the top of her head. Azula sobbed quietly. "No matter what you've told yourself, or what anyone has said about you. He was your father… and you cared about him. As awful as he was, it's not out of place for anyone to feel like that about their own parent."
"You're too compassionate. Too empathetic, even," Azula said, shaking her head. "It's not enough that you forgave me after everything I've done… you're comforting me over my father's death when we both know you despised him. I don't know how you find it in you…"
"Heh. You're one to talk," Sokka huffed, setting his chin on her shoulder.
"What…?" Azula frowned. Sokka smiled at her.
"You think it's impressive that I love you as much as I do? That I'd be ready to move past everything that went wrong and power forward to the future by your side?" he said. "Well… as far as compassion is concerned, you have me beat by miles. As proven by the way you feel about your father."
"Sokka…"
"You know I hate the guy, yes," Sokka nodded. "I only agreed to spare him for your sake. Your mother wanted him to survive… I wanted you safe. If your safety didn't require his death, I didn't need to kill him… but it's undeniable that a part of me worried that, if it were needed, you might never forgive me for killing him. Either way… the point is you suffered the indignities you did at his hand, every last one of them. All the awful stories you shared with me? They can all be traced back to him. So… if you have it in your heart to grieve as genuinely as you do for him? You're showing compassion that I don't know I'd be capable of. In fact… I'm pretty sure I wouldn't be."
"I hurt you too," Azula said, lowering her gaze. "It's hardly that different…"
"It's entirely different," Sokka said, hugging her snugly. "If you'd done everything freely, you could say that… and even then, I'd love you, painful as it might be."
"See? You're as bad as me," Azula concluded. Sokka smiled, shaking his head.
"It's hypothetical in my case, so it's not proven that I am," he grinned. Azula scoffed. "Along with that? I… I knew you loved me. I've always known I'm not alone in this. You… you had no way of knowing your father truly cared about you until that day, or did you? I mean, sure, you had a few signs, a few moments of it, but… how certain were you of it? Did you ever feel comfortable around him again…?"
"Did I?" Azula asked. Sokka shrugged, and she sighed. "Frankly… from the moment you became part of my life, it felt like I was hiding things from him. In a sense, I was. If he'd realized what you meant to me any sooner, well… he would've acted on it, just as he did. I could've lost you that much earlier… and it seemed like I had to do everything I could to keep you safe. So… yeah. I don't think I felt genuinely comfortable around him ever since our partnership began, huh?"
"See? You could just hate me for that, too…" Sokka said, teasingly. Azula laughed, shaking her head.
"I think we're on a similar boat, you and me. Don't think the day will ever come when I could ever hate you, Sokka," she said, turning towards him.
"Considering you were crazy enough to think that I'd kill you… and you actually wanted me to?" Sokka said, raising his eyebrows. "Yeah, safe to say we're equally ready to face anything from each other. To forgive anything, too."
Azula nodded, resting her brow against his neck. Sokka rubbed her arms reassuringly, while Hotaru continued to eat slowly.
"I suppose… it worked out for the best anyway," Azula mumbled. "I don't know if you and my father would've been able to coexist at all, once this became our new reality…"
"Heh. We would've made you suffer, that's for sure," Sokka grimaced. "Fighting constantly and refusing to be anywhere near the other unless strictly necessary…"
"You wouldn't have tried to get along with him, even for my sake?" Azula inquired, teasingly. "Not even if I asked nicely?"
"Hmm. Depends on how nicely," Sokka conceded. Azula laughed, shaking her head.
"You're still a bad liar, but I appreciate it nonetheless," she smiled, kissing his neck. "I just… I know we survived while we were away from each other. It's proven now that we could live on while we're apart, not that we ever should do that again, but… I think it'll be easier, even if it'll still hurt, to live in a world without my father than it was to live in one without you. So… it really worked out for the best."
"Hmm," Sokka eyed her with uncertainty, as Azula sighed in defeat. "In a sense, yeah. But I will say, as much as we objectively survived, it didn't really feel like I was… well, alive, entirely."
"Huh?" Azula blinked blankly, eyeing him skeptically. Sokka smiled.
"Remember back when you had to work on the ceremony, and I had to get ready to fight in the Slate?" he asked. "We were apart for one month, then met again that day, at Ty Lee's place…"
"I remember," Azula nodded. Sokka grinned.
"Out of all my training days for that fight, that one was the best, by far. I saw you again, and… well, I embarrassed you a bit, sure. But we were in a good place, we trained together… everything felt just right between us."
"It did," Azula smiled.
"I told you then… that being away from you felt like sleepwalking through life," Sokka said, hands slipping around her waist, holding her tightly. "And that once you came back, I woke up at last, ready to truly live it because you were there with me."
"Sokka…" Azula's eyes widened: his handsome face hovered near her, and he smiled kindly as he cupped her cheek.
"This… this was a lot worse, of course," he said. "A year, a month and twenty-seven days away from you? Hell, it wasn't merely how long it was but the circumstances of it. Those days, over the ceremony… you were gone because you were doing something important, but I never feared for your safety while we were apart back then. Now? I… I was terrified. I had no idea what you were going through, if you were safe, if you were in pain, I… I couldn't stand the thought of losing you for good. I came all this way because I couldn't conceive that possibility. And the longer we were apart, the likelier it was to happen. So… at risk of sounding even more dramatic, it didn't feel merely like sleepwalking this time. It felt more like…"
"Like… we weren't truly alive at all, not until we returned to each other," Azula finished for him. Sokka nodded.
"It was a slightly deeper sleep, plagued with nightmares I knew wouldn't go away until I found you," Sokka said, hugging her snugly. "Finally… all that darkness is going away because we're together again. I… I feel more like myself at long damn last, Azula. So… yeah. I'm never doing that one again, that's for sure."
"Me neither," Azula said, leaning back to kiss him softly. "Though… you counted the days?"
"Uh… well. Maybe I did," Sokka smiled awkwardly. Azula bit her lip and smiled.
"You're a piece of work, Gladiator," she said, closing her eyes and relaxing against him. "Or… you just made that up to impress me."
"Both are entirely possible and I'm not going to tell you the truth. You'll have to figure it out yourself," he smirked, nuzzling her neck. Azula laughed. "See who's a bad liar now, huh?"
"Still you," she smiled, kissing him softly.
Hotaru stopped feeding by then, wiggling in Azula's arms. The Princess smiled as she handed the baby over to her lover.
"And here we are! Look at you, so tiny and so hungry all the time! I wonder who you take after, huh?" Sokka smiled, pressing a gentle kiss to the top of Hotaru's head. "Can't be me, that's for sure…"
"Right. Blame the mochi and the spicy ramen, sure. It was my influence that turned her into a glutton…" Azula said, rolling her eyes playfully. Sokka chuckled, hoisting Hotaru playfully in the air. "Hey, now. She just ate, no wild movements or she'll puke."
"Oh… huh," Sokka grimaced pulling her close to his chest. Azula smiled at his nervous demeanor. "Didn't think about that one, sorry…"
"You're just excited to be a father, I'm aware…" Azula said, finishing fastening her robe properly before sighing again, her shoulders dropping. "Alright. Let's… let's get ready."
Sokka nodded, watching her with uncertainty. He hoisted Hotaru delicately, carrying her to her crib: when Azula picked up her new funerary robe, Sokka placed a hand upon hers, another behind her back.
"Want some help?" he asked. Azula bit her lip and smiled.
"Is this your way to busy yourself with other things so you won't be too tempted to play with Hotaru?"
"Caught red-handed, evidently that's the only reason why I'd ever offer to dress you up," Sokka said, with a sardonic grin. Azula chuckled, and he raised her chin to kiss her lips softly. "You can say no, if you'd rather…"
"I rather like your hands on me, so I'll say yes," she concluded. Sokka smirked, kissing her impulsively once more before undoing her sash.
The latent need for each other was hard to ignore, but they had to set it aside. It wasn't a day they could spend by indulging in their intimacy that way, no matter how deeply they longed to do so. It didn't help to know that an unusual amount of people crowded the house on that day, and neither one felt all that comfortable by attempting intimacy while at such a lack of privacy.
Nevertheless, Sokka caressed Azula's hips after pulling her nightly robe off, smiling with delight at the sight of her bare body. Yes, there were changes… but he found them agreeable. It would be a blissful challenge to learn her body all over again. The one thing that certainly distressed him, still, was the scar upon her shoulder… but compared to how it had been, when they had parted ways so long ago, it appeared to have healed quite well.
His mischievous smile certainly changed tunes upon seeing it, upon touching it. He trailed his thumb over her scar, and Azula stood before him, heart pounding, as she closed her eyes upon feeling his touch.
"It's… not as bad as it could be," she whispered. Sokka hummed.
"The surgical cuts… I can't even tell they're there anymore," Sokka said, now allowing his thumbs to trail over the thinner lines, the ones that had allowed the physicians to save Azula, back then. "It's very different."
"For the better, I hope," Azula smiled. Sokka hummed, kissing her lips softly.
"Did it take long for it to heal?" he asked. "Does it still hurt sometimes?"
"Not unless I apply specific, unnecessary pressure there," Azula said, glancing down at her shoulder. "But that doesn't happen often anyway. I suppose my arm might not feel as strong as it did in the past… but it has improved. Maybe it'll be all good soon."
"Might be," Sokka said, with a gentle smile. He leaned in to kiss her again. "You're beautiful."
"You always do say that," Azula smiled, shaking her head. "I'm glad you're still weird enough to think so, love."
She hugged him, careless this time about how naked she might be in the arms of her clothed lover. He embraced her right back, kissing the top of her head, arms snugly holding her against him.
"Bandage me up?" Azula asked, softly. Sokka hummed. "I know, I know, you'd rather look at my breasts, but…"
"You know, all in all, I can't complain," Sokka snickered, reaching over for her breast's bindings. "Hotaru's very helpful, all in all…"
"Say what?" Azula snorted. Sokka snickered.
"It's always sweet to see you nursing her… but it's also always great to see your breasts, regardless of context," Sokka laughed. Azula rolled her eyes and smiled.
"You're a piece of work," she said. He snickered anew. "Perverted Blue Wolf…"
"Our sex life would be less fun if I weren't a pervert, so I take that as a compliment," Sokka smirked. She laughed, shaking her head.
Teasing and gentle banter served to help them through the preparation process: with each new garment Sokka dressed her in, he thought of something else to tease her over, elicitng smiles and laughter from Azula every time. That didn't stop even after she was done and Azula took over, dressing him next: his outfit didn't suit the occasion, but Azula hadn't expected otherwise from him.
The sun had ridden high in the sky by the time they left their room, with Sokka carrying Hotaru: the familiar sounds of Song and Rui Shi in the kitchen made them smile at once.
"I can't believe how nostalgic that is," Azula laughed. "I wonder if she's going to cook up a storm…"
"Well, she has a lot of people to feed," Sokka smiled awkwardly, as they made their way downstairs. "I promise not to eat everything myself…"
"We'll see if you stay true to that," Azula snorted. Sokka snickered.
Indeed, they found a number of finished dishes on the kitchen table, and Song was busy cooking many more, with an amused and amazed Rui Shi by her side. He smiled and waved at them upon arrival, and his movement caused Song to glance over her shoulder in their direction.
"Ah! You're up!" she grinned.
"You too. And you're going wild, I see," Azula smiled, stepping closer to the table. "Any extra spicy dishes for me?"
"It's breakfast, Azula, pace yourself…"
"You weren't this stingy about it back in the day," Azula huffed. "I've given you way too much control over my health over the last year."
"And I'll keep having it," Song smirked. "I never thought it'd be so much fun to boss the Fire Nation Princess around, but… it truly is."
"You're the only person who gets away with doing that, so… rejoice in it, Song," Sokka smirked, standing against the table: Azula scoffed in his direction as he snickered, rubbing their daughter's back.
"It's not quite surprising, though," Rui Shi smirked, glancing at Azula. "I vividly remember one time, when two utter fools flew off into a desert and found some absolutely unthinkable spiritual building…"
"Not that again…" Sokka groaned.
"One came back with a terrible hangover after having cactus juice, and the other had used her bending far more times than she was supposed to…" Rui Shi recited. Song huffed, shaking her head.
"Reckless dorks…" she said. Rui Shi chuckled.
"And Song, so helpful, so selfless, demanded to check on your health and fix you both, even if she was moody about it indeed," Rui Shi said. Song blushed, eyeing him warily.
"W-well… I suppose my temper got away from me a little back then, but…"
"The most important thing, though…" Rui Shi pointed out, stopping her excuses. "Is that after you dragged Sokka away, the Princess said that, out of all the intimidating profiles among us, as in, her guards, her gladiator, the Princess herself…! The most daunting member of our crew was actually you."
"W-what…? Me?!" Song jolted up, glancing over at Azula again. The Princess laughed, covering her mouth with a hand. "I'm not that scary, I…! Am I? I mean, was I scary back then at all?"
"You were on that day, that's for sure," Azula chuckled. "Come on, it should be flattering for you…"
"It… kind of is, but it feels wrong!" Song scoffed, shaking her head and returning to her meal. "You people, really…"
"I'm probably the one who's least intimidated by her, frankly," Sokka declared, proudly. Azula raised an eyebrow.
"Because you have no sense, so sure, of course…" she said, with a shrug. Rui Shi laughed as Sokka rolled his eyes, smirking.
"On one hand, you've made me impervious to intimidation! In order to keep up with you, I could not be daunted by anyone," Sokka said, proudly. Azula hummed, nodding approvingly. "And for another, well, I've pissed off Song way more than anyone else here and she's never killed me for it, so…"
"Oh, now, after last year, I'm sure I'd give you a run for your money," Azula scoffed. Song laughed, shaking her head.
"You two are utterly hopeless," she said. "Competing over who pissed me off the most… well, both of you are fine, safe and sound, so clearly, getting on my bad side didn't go so badly for either of you, right?"
"Oh, I'm sure your true retaliation is only just beginning. No spice in my rice? That's the worst vengeance of all time," Azula sighed. Sokka winced.
"Woah… hey now, you'll let me have a second serving of food today, right?"
"With so many people to feed? Not a chance."
"B-but… Song!" he yelped, clutching his daughter to his chest dramatically.
Rui Shi chuckled, shaking his head at the Princess and her Gladiator, basking in their utterly exaggerated reactions over Song's false threats. His fiancée, standing beside him, raised her eyebrows at his quiet amusement.
"What is it?" she asked.
"Well… I didn't really think we could do it," he said. "Going back to normal, just like that. Yes, lots of things have happened, but… it's not that different from our old meals together, is it?"
"I wouldn't say it is, no," Song smiled, glancing at him kindly. "Though, well, we've been changed by our circumstances. I… may be more abrasive than I used to be. So…"
"I think I've just brought up that you were quite the menace back in the day already," Rui Shi pointed out. Song blushed. "I suppose we'll see how much has truly changed, as time goes by, but… you're you, Song. Lady Wen was you, in your own way, too."
"I guess so," Song smiled. Rui Shi grinned too, leaning close to kiss her brow, and she sighed as she rested against his chest. "It really isn't like we're going back to normal, but… we're going to build our new normal, aren't we?"
"That's right," Rui Shi said. Song smiled blissfully and raised her gaze towards him.
"Best not start doing it on burnt food, though," she said, still smiling at Rui Shi before turning her focus to the meal she had been working on.
Sokka and Azula began eating first, since Song told them to: the rest of the household would join in once they were ready, but the two of them would likely take off to the temple far earlier than everyone else. Song intended to stay home, and a handful of guards, Rui Shi among them, would stay with her: Rei meant to stand by Azula, much as her mother had done for her when her father had been the one to burn in his own pyre.
"Alright… if need be, I'll cook some more in a bit," Song said, letting out a heavy breath before sinking into a seat to enjoy some food of her own. Rui Shi sat beside her, and as usual, they took their places across the other pair…
Which allowed Song to reason with the sight of Azula in that white robe, but most of all, the single splash of color among the garments she wore: her eyes narrowed with understanding, and a slow smile spread over her face.
"You… you're wearing your necklace?" she said. Azula, halfway through her crab salad, jolted upright upon hearing the question.
"That's his doing," Azula said, smiling at Sokka, who grinned with pride. "He offered it, he knew I wasn't about to turn it down, so…"
"Now, though, I didn't know that. You could have!" Sokka smiled at her, arms folded over his chest. "Would've been terribly anticlimactic, but still…"
"Is it safe to wear that now?" Rui Shi asked. "Not that I intend to stop you, of course, but… troublemakers abound across this city, as we know. It may be a good idea to be cautious of any rabblerousing that some folks, be it Shaofeng's men or just common fools, might get up to if they realize what that means."
"It's a valid concern… but I have no intentions of hiding the truth anymore," Azula said, simply. "If I lose the Agni Kai, it'll certainly not be their concern if I'm with Sokka, and if I win it… well, I'll be their Fire Lord and I suppose I can intimidate them into shutting up?"
"Not the way I'd expect you to handle that, but eh, it's effective," Sokka said, with a shrug. Azula smirked.
"All things considered, nobody should be quite so stupid as to contest your claim to the throne or your bond with Sokka," Rui Shi said, glancing at the Gladiator. "He's intimidating enough on his own without you doing anything to make it worse, if you must know…"
"Oh, I know," Azula smiled. "He's just too humble to admit it."
"Eh… I'll give you a hand at scaring people if you need me to, I promise," Sokka smiled, taking another bite of his gyoza.
Gradually, others woke and joined them at breakfast: nonetheless, Sokka and Azula were finished with theirs before most the others had gotten started. The Princess's awareness of the challenge that awaited her only darkened her mood… closing her stomach in, dampening her hunger effectively.
"I'll join you at the Temple as soon as I'm done," Rei reassured them. Sokka handed Hotaru over to Song, after both her parents had held her and kissed her goodbye for now. Azula smiled, hugging Rei tightly right by the kitchen's door.
"Thank you. I'll see you there," she said. Rei hugged her right back: if Sokka hadn't been around, the girl would have gladly forsaken food just to make sure Azula wouldn't face this alone.
"Do you guys want a lift?" Aang asked, with a small smile. Katara held his hand, sitting with him by the couch. "Unless you wanted to take your dragon…"
"I'll let Xin Long recover safely. I don't know when I'll be riding him again, but it won't be today," Azula said, shaking her head. "If you'd like to help, well… I'd appreciate that a lot."
Sokka smiled at the pair gratefully: Katara rose to her feet first, but much like Song, she did a double take upon noticing the black-and-blue necklace under the collar of Azula's robes.
"Ah. He gave it to you again?" Katara asked, raising her eyebrows. Azula blushed and nodded. "Well, there we go. Was I right or wasn't I, Sokka? She just wanted you to bring it back to her!"
"No kidding," Sokka smiled, stepping up to Azula and wrapping an arm around her shoulders while the other two made their way outside first, to rouse Appa. "A lot of people are noticing it, huh?"
"Fortunately, it's good people," Azula smiled, pressing her head to his shoulder. "Doesn't matter who learns about it though. I'm keeping it, for good. You can't stop me."
"Didn't plan to," Sokka smiled, kissing the top of her head.
The necklace was a bright spot for them across that day, even though it was the darker garment the Princess wore: it would be the main source of relief in the face of the heavy day they'd face soon. Azula sighed as Sokka wrapped her in his arms once they sat on Appa's saddle, the gravity of what she would witness already sinking heavily in her heart…
She had known it could come to this. They had seen it during Zhao's funeral. Their eyes had met, and that impending, painful reality had manifested itself then. She hadn't wanted to acknowledge it… neither did he. Even so, the truth had been there, right before their eyes…
Now, that disgraceful, unspoken prophecy appeared to fulfill itself. Appa flew fast towards the Temple, and as comforting as Sokka's embrace might be, Azula's heart churned with anguish at the realization that her father's empty body awaited there… that she would watch it burn into nothingness, and she would have nothing left of him but memories, dark and bright alike.
Aang breathed out heavily once they touched down: both him and Katara glanced at the uncertain Azula who squeezed Sokka's hand and urged him to climb off the saddle, too. He beat her at reaching solid ground, stretching his arms out to help her climb off the saddle.
The Temple was silent, solemn on that day. There was no sign of Jeong Jeong or Pakku, or of any White Lotus member.
Even so, a large pyre stood at the central courtyard, and Azula's heart immediately clenched upon recognizing her father's body upon it.
She weakened at the sight. Tears sprang to her eyes at once: it would be so much easier if she couldn't see him… so much easier if she could forget the bad times and the good alike. So much easier if she couldn't remember his very final moments, the desperation that seized her as Katara's water, as her own gold fire, failed to secure his life at the very end.
She snapped out of the emotional daze, the spiraling darkness that readied to consume her, when Sokka wrapped an arm around her waist. Azula's breath hitched as she regarded the pyre with undisguised apprehension before glancing at the man beside her, the anchor that held her in place across the storms that ravaged her weakened heart.
"Thank you," she said, softly. Sokka hummed, leaning close to press his lips softly to her brow.
"I'm here. I'm not going anywhere without you," he said. Azula swallowed hard, nodding and huddling against him.
Even so, she didn't approach the pyre right away. She distracted herself, instead, by making her way into the temple, by finding the Head Sage and confirming that everything would be underway as tradition decreed: other pyres stood ready to be lit near Ozai's, of other highly ranked officials in the Fire Nation army. Across the city, near the smaller shrines, many more pyres of lower ranked ones would be lit, several hours after Ozai's own. It would allow everyone to come to the Temple to mourn their Fire Lord, and then to mourn their loved ones that were lost alongside him… Azula wondered how many would bother taking on the journey, though. Even if tradition dictated they should, Ozai had lost the war… he had failed to stop the enemy that now stood by her side. How many would consider him weak for that, too weak to be honored at all?
She shuddered at those thoughts. She braced herself for the worst. She didn't want to face it, not at all… but she knew she would have to.
Rei arrived by midmorning, and Zuko, Mai and Ruon Jian came by shortly afterwards. Ty Lee and Haru did too, and the eager chi-blocker hugged Azula carelessly upon seeing her, pulling her away from Sokka briefly.
"You… you're okay? Mai said you have to fight some Agni Kai with Zuko over the throne…!" Ty Lee exclaimed, mortified.
"I do, but… it'll be fine. It'll happen tomorrow," Azula said, nodding in her direction. "We're not going to fight to the death or anything of the sort. It's just… protocol. Fate, I guess. Whoever wins… gets to fix this mess. Not a very nice reward, is it?"
"Well… no, but I'm sure you guys can do it," Ty Lee said, with what she hoped would be a reassuring smile. Azula sighed. "But… wait. That's… that's that necklace you wore that night, right? When you and Sokka came back from your trip…!"
"Ah. Yeah," Azula smiled, nodding in confirmation. Ty Lee raised her eyebrows.
"Then… you two are all set?" she asked, eyes glistening with hope. "You've gone right back to, well, what you were before?"
"I don't know if we can really go back to that fully, but… kind of," Azula said, with a gentle smile. "As close to that as can be, save for the fact that there's no point in hiding anything anymore. Let's just hope Sokka's reputation suffices to scare away anyone who tries to claim that we don't belong together…"
"Well, if it's not, I'll just chi-block all the naysayers!" Ty Lee squealed, hugging Azula tightly, prompting her to chuckle a little. "I hope this works out for the best, Azula… oh, I really, really do."
"Not going to get jealous again if things between Sokka and I go too well, are you?" Azula teased her. Ty Lee snorted.
"You just had to bring that up…" she said. Azula smiled, rubbing her friend's back. "I won't, silly, I won't. I just… you two deserve to finally be happy and at peace together, you know? It's… it's about time."
"I agree," Azula said, breathing deeply. "There's just one more difficult thing left for me to do before I can focus on that, though."
Ty Lee sighed and nodded, pulling back. Azula's eyes were struck with sadness anew, the painful awareness of what would come next still gripping her powerfully.
Her conversation with her friend concluded when Sokka approached Azula again: the remorseful expression across his features spoke for itself as he slowed down beside her.
"The Head Sage says… it's time."
Azula swallowed hard, breaking eye contact, shivering at the thought…
She would send off her father fully, properly, in a matter of moments.
Sokka offered her his hand, and she gripped it as though she might fall otherwise. Her father was dead, of course he was dead, she knew that by heart… she had wept for him, grieved quite openly: her fickle heart, somehow, hadn't gotten the message yet and it seemed it wouldn't until the pyre was lit. A foolish part of her, perhaps the child that had once adored that man and thought the world of him, wished to scream and climb that pyre, demanding that he woke up… but he wouldn't. This was the very end… it was her goodbye to her father, the very final one. Once his body burned, she would find closure.
"Ready?" Sokka asked. She breathed deeply and shook her head.
"No. But… I don't think I ever will be," she admitted, raising her gaze towards him again. Ty Lee, beside her, raised her hands to her mouth, as though to muffle sobs of empathy towards Azula. "Best to get it over with."
Sokka nodded, reeling her close with one arm and guiding her out of the Temple at a slow pace. He would likely let go once they were about to begin the ceremony… but he would certainly hold her hand throughout the entire matter. She wouldn't face this alone, and he would be right there to remind her of that.
By the time she emerged out of that dark building, Azula was startled by the sight of a rather thick crowd: she hadn't faced the common folk directly in a long time, much less without her father's watchful glare upon her. Sokka slowed down, tentatively relinquishing his grip around her as he assessed the situation. His hand slipped into hers, just as he had intended…
"Do you want me to ask them to make way?" he said. Azula tensed up.
"I'd rather we don't call that kind of attention to ourselves, I…" Azula said… but the attention certainly had been given to them, whether she had intended it or not.
A rumor of noise, voices rising with astonishment, coursed through the crowd: little by little, the faces of so many people, clad in white robes of their own, turned towards her.
Azula tensed up: her grip upon Sokka's hand tightened, even if she immediately feared the consequences of holding onto him this way. Anyone in the crowd might throw a weapon at them, or rush them to stab her in the back, or… was she too paranoid? She should stop being such a fool. If she showed them any fear, she would merely invite that kind of behavior… she had to be dignified. She had come here to send off her father, not to endure judgment and disdain.
Thus, it was Azula who took a step forward and Sokka who followed, fingers still gripping her palm.
The crowd had seen the contact between them, the closeness… if they dared disrespect Azula during the ceremony in which she would grieve her father, the consequences would be steep. Many sages watched the crowd, and no doubt they would instruct them to step aside…
Or they would have, if the people hadn't determined to do so of their own volition.
Azula slowed upon realizing that the voices in the crowd had gained a new meaning: they weren't merely shocked at her appearance, at her display of closeness with the Gladiator… they were ordering each other to step back and make room for her to reach the pyre.
Azula breathed deeply before stepping towards the path they opened for her. She nodded in acknowledgement, even if she retained her solemnity, as she traversed the crowd with Sokka by her side. Soon enough, they were followed by Rei, Mai, Ruon Jian, Ty Lee, Zuko, Aang and Katara. Little by little, the cluster of people who had come to grieve their Fire Lord spread for their sake, and once their group had passed, they returned to their places. While Zuko no doubt drew stares and mutterings, while the Avatar daunted many as he walked among them, the bulk of the crowd's attention remained centered on their Crown Princess… and the man who stood by her side.
The Princess did her best to hold herself steady, fighting off every survival instinct that urged her to let go of Sokka's hand, to fear the consequences if she didn't. One way or another, the world would know… this way, they'd know who to root for in the Agni Kai of the coming day. If their hatred for Sokka was such that they couldn't fathom him anywhere near the throne, Zuko would be the people's favored candidate for the role of Fire Lord.
But that would be a matter to worry about by the next morning. Right now, she faced a far more miserable official affair.
They finally reached the front of the line: the Head Sage, alongside other sages, stood by Ozai's pyre. He bowed his head towards Azula, and he urged her to approach. She did so with Sokka and Rei flanking her. Zuko was beckoned forward as well, even if he appeared more apprehensive to partake in this moment than the others were.
"I merely wished to ascertain what you would prefer in this ceremony," the Head Sage clarified. Azula nodded. "Would you rather stand with the crowd? Traditionally, the Fire Lord's family stands with the sages…"
"I don't suppose I'd be included in that group, would I?" Sokka said, with a dry grin. "It's probably considered bad enough that I'd be here…"
"Seeing who you are, and what you have achieved… I'm afraid nobody has the death wish required to stop you from going wherever you may wish to be, Gladiator," the Head Sage said, with a weak smile. "It may seem inappropriate… but you did win this war. If this is what your victory will look like, that's entirely your choice."
Sokka swallowed hard and nodded. Zuko was the one to step forward then.
"My father didn't truly… well, maybe he regretted it, at the end, but I don't believe he considered me his son much, these days," Zuko said. "So…"
"It would be up to you to choose what to do as well, Prince Zuko," the Head Sage said. Zuko sighed, glancing at Azula.
"Do you mind if I… stay here?" he asked. She shook her head.
"As awful as he was at it… he was your father, too," Azula said. "It's not up to me to decide who grieves him."
That, Zuko realized, was the core problem: he struggled to grieve, even if a part of him had certainly been mortified by his father's death when it had happened. He felt out of place here… for a part of him rejoiced in knowing his father would no longer be around to hinder the world's progress towards peace and true healing. He found relief in the awareness that the man who had constantly made him feel insecure, insignificant, worthless, could no longer hurt him...
But thoughts of what could have been still tormented him. The hope that one day, perhaps, Ozai could have truly respected him, and shown remorse for how he'd acted towards him, was difficult to cut off. Perhaps, due to the violence in Ozai's death, Zuko had taken to imagining far more flattering possibilities for an impossible future than his father would ever warrant…
Perhaps, then, he would grieve for what could have been, and not for what was. If he felt any remorse for the past, it was for those distant memories he barely could recall anymore. The days of brightness he had shared with his family in his childhood, where his mother had smiled, where his father had placed his hand upon his shoulder, where his sister had teased him relentlessly with a bright grin upon her face. It was a past that had slipped through his fingers before he knew it… but he could grieve for that now. For the man Ozai could have been… the man he failed to live up to.
The Head Sage ushered Azula to stand behind him as he began the ceremony: Sokka took a step back, but his hand still held hers. He kept his head bent, as though keenly aware of how out of place he was, but unwilling to step aside, regardless. Rei stood at Azula's other side, holding her free hand, and Zuko took his place near her, too: everyone else moved back, watching from a distance as the sages raised their ceremonial artifacts, with incense lit to spread a smoke of smooth spices.
"Children of the Sun: people of the Fire Nation!" the Head Sage raised his voice potently, and it echoed across the courtyard, silencing any remaining muttering voices. "We have gathered on this day to partake in our Nation's ritual burning ceremony of the dead. On this occasion, we send off those who perished in the battle that took place within our Capital City. The first of the many pyres that shall be lit… sits right before me."
Azula shuddered. Her eyes flooded with tears as she dared detail the body upon that pyre one more time: the body of her father, the face upon which she had gazed since her childhood, the man whose presence had daunted and inspired her alike. The man who had held her when she wept… though he had taught her to turn those feelings of sadness, of inadequacy, into anger and power.
"Ozai. Fire Lord to our nation for nineteen years. Father of Zuko. Father of Azula. We give you to the flames from which you shall be renewed, reborn from the ashes that shall consume your body and purify your soul. We lay you to rest… and from your ashes, may we build the foundations of a new, stronger Fire Nation, as was your dying wish."
No mention of his achievements during the war. No reference to the victories that were accomplished under his name. Azula shuddered as she wondered if Jeong Jeong had expressly asked that of the Head Sage… or if the Head Sage himself had though there wasn't much to say about Ozai beyond what he just had.
Truthfully, speaking of the deceased Fire Lord with any manner of respect or dignity might prove to be a harder challenge than Azula had realized: her father's life had been a sequence of misdeeds and catastrophes, one following the next. What was there in his life to be brought up now, as any manner of merit or important feat? What had he done besides fighting a war that hadn't been his to wage, let alone to win?
What a dark mirror he offered indeed… what a miserable future he manifested for his children. He had chosen that throne at all costs, and the result was a life not lived at all. He had become a man who embraced nothing but resentment and hatred, who pushed away every single person who had ever cared for him.
Right now, Azula was the very last of those people left to stand by his pyre.
She shuddered as the Head Sage stepped forward: so did the other sages. Their movements were timed, careful, flowing smoothly to conjure bursts of bending, bright and pristine: blessed fire poured from their fists, reaching the smoothly assembled pyre.
It burst into flames at once.
She held back the urge to gasp, to react adversely to what she knew was a necessity… just as she had admitted to Sokka before, she wasn't ready to say goodbye.
The fire gained power, consuming the body of a man who had lived his life as the most reckless of flames, caring nothing for what he burned in his wake until the cost became too steep, even in his eyes. That anyone still truly grieved him, and not merely because of his title, was as good as a miracle… Sokka hardly knew if he would ever consider it a deserved one.
As he often did, Sokka focused on the one thing he and Ozai had in common… the one thing they had prioritized, even if in different ways. The Fire Lord, a man with far more faults than virtues, if he had any of the latter, had believed his daughter was fated for greatness… he had simply failed to understand which kind, and he had damn near dragged her into sharing his nefarious destiny on that pyre. The thought that Ozai could have caused Azula's body to burn in a similar manner, if anything had gone differently in this war…
He clenched up, his grip upon Azula's hand tightening. The feeling of his warmth, his companionship, brought a soft sob out of her lips. Sokka frowned, eyeing her with remorse as she wept: Rei leaned closer to her, wrapping an arm around hers as Azula tried to steady her aching heart, to ease herself… to accept the reality before her eyes, as painful and cruel as it might be.
For unlike Zuko, she had no one other figures of authority to lean on, no other man to call father if she felt like it. Unlike Zuko, she had as good as no fond memories of her mother to resort to when Ozai was at his worst. Unlike Zuko, she had felt safe with Ozai, once. She had thought herself valued, cared for, important. She had believed in that man, wholeheartedly, for he was her father… and all those warm feelings coexisted with the pain, the cold, the anguish over everything he had done, and forced her to do, over the past year. She was no fool: she knew her father was a bad man. Once, she hadn't thought that mattered. Little by little, she had come to terms with what that meant… and yet she had hoped she would never face his worst. There had been moments, even, when his affection had seemed so genuine…
"What sort of father could ever be disappointed in a daughter like you?"
Those words, that became so questionable due to his later behavior, had never stopped weighing in her heart, never stopped rounding inside her, prompting her to wonder if he had truly loved her, despite it all. Had he loved a false Azula, the one who had been his perfect heir, the mask behind which she hid her true self? Or had his affection been much deeper than Ozai himself had ever understood…?
"I regret… the suffering I've inflicted upon you. Contrary to… to what I have said before, you did not deserve it. You did not deserve… a husband like Zhao. Or a father like me."
He had apologized. It was hardly an achievement, of course: a mere apology, after the boundless suffering he had inflicted upon her, was as good as worthless. And yet… the very notion of hearing her father speak such words had never crossed her mind, much less that he would say them earnestly. That she had brought that out of him, that he had repented profoundly for having failed her… it hardly seemed real, but everything that happened afterwards had seemed to prove as much.
That last embrace, that final moment, shared when both had thought they would die to the Gladiator Army's invasion…
"Nothing in my life ever brought me the pride and strength I felt over being your father. You changed my life, Azula. And I'm sorry… that I ruined yours."
She had thought he wouldn't listen. She had feared she would be unable to save him… and she was, in the end. Shaofeng's attack had been too sudden, and Ozai had taken that blow alone… but not before doing the unthinkable first. He climbed down that dais… he removed that hairpiece, the crown he had committed no end of atrocities to hold onto, and he surrendered after granting it to her. He had shouldered the responsibility for his actions, ready to be judged, to be sentenced… only for him to be robbed of all true justice by Shaofeng's cruelty.
But in that final moment, he had chosen family over power. For the very first time, his heart had followed its true mandate, setting aside ambition, resentment, rage and madness alike, embracing the feelings he had long mocked and ridiculed… embracing love, both the one he had been given, and the one he had long refused to acknowledge within his dark, battered, corrupted heart.
In the end… he had loved her. He had died, but he had given her the opportunity to fulfill her vision as a leader… to become the Fire Lord he could never hope to be. His murder at Shaofeng's hands should have never happened, but his death had not marked the end of his nascent hopes for her future.
It was odd, she knew, to find more motivation to fight tomorrow, to put her everything into that battle, upon standing here while watching her father burn. One way or another, Ozai's heirs would take the Fire Nation throne… but both she and Zuko knew that Ozai had wanted it to be her.
Whether that was right or wrong, whether she deserved to be Fire Lord or not, it remained to be seen. Her father's judgment had never been the soundest, after all. Even so… she owed it to him, to herself, to see this through to the end. Whether that conclusion would arrive after losing to Zuko on the very next day, or if it would come after a lifetime of service to the Fire Nation as Fire Lord, only time would tell.
But the one thing that slowed her tears, that allowed her to breathe, to grieve without falling apart, was the hope of one day becoming a leader far greater than any other the Fire Nation had ever seen. Not the leader Ozai had thought she would be, once… but a better one, beyond any of his expectations. She had always made sure to break past every limit he set for her… in this instance, she would be obligated to do it all the more. Their world's next era, the time of peace they had fought for, might just hinge on that.
He wouldn't get to see that world. He would never truly understand how futile, wrong, pathetic the war was… he would never have the chance to forsake the wrongful teachings of his forefathers. But if there was such a thing as an afterlife, if the deceased could somehow reach over and connect with the living, Azula would ensure to show Ozai's spirit everything he had failed to witness for himself. And if no such thing was possible… then she still owed it to herself, to her father, to the nation he had led for almost two full decades, to live up to her greatest potential and protect balance, forevermore, as she had long resolved to do with the man who stood beside her now.
She dared glance at him: he was solemn, a frown upon his face as he watched Ozai burn. He would not truly grieve Ozai, Azula knew… he stood here in respect of her pain, of her loss. But to Sokka, Ozai was the symbol of a dying world that would be reborn now, no longer in the shape that had preceded it. This was finally the chance for their world to heal after so much pain, so much struggle… he had accomplished the unthinkable already, and it would make sense for him to stop now. To take a break… to rest, while others handled matters instead.
And yet Azula owed it to him, too, to fight to her best tomorrow. He had stood for her in countless battles, he had faced her enemies, he had saved her in more ways than she ever imagined possible…
Tomorrow, she would fight for him, too. The world he had believed she could build was finally within her reach. No more hesitation, no more second-guessing… she would give her all to the task, and if she succeeded, he would stand by her side, making the right choices forward alongside her. She would never walk alone again.
The fire burned on, much like it had when Ozai had executed innocent slaves once: just as it was that day, Azula stood by, watching it to the end. Other pyres were lit afterwards, but she didn't move away from her father's. Many others didn't, either. Sokka remained with her, as did Rei. Zuko walked away briefly, but when he returned, he found those three remained as they did… and so did a rather unexpected number of common folk, who appeared to honor Ozai as faithfully as Azula did.
But was that what they sought to do? Zuko narrowed his gaze, noticing that, while a few people might have wept, most didn't seem to do so. Instead, they looked towards that pyre… beyond that pyre, at the woman who stood by it. If they were apprehensive over the Gladiator's presence, they no longer showed it.
Zuko had walked away, and nobody had followed him. But he could tell already that they would have followed Azula.
The Exiled Prince swallowed hard, as a crack of uncertainty bloomed in his heart: years ago, he would have read their behavior as an unfairness, as the world's wretched, constant favoritism of his sister over him. Today, he knew they saw her as a beacon, as a leader to faithfully support. She had been handpicked by their father, whom they still had been loyal to, as his heir… she had never turned her back on the Fire Nation, for better or for worse. She had earned their respect, risen in society rather than languishing complacently, basking in privilege without any concern for the real world beyond the Palace walls.
She had saved the Fire Nation twice from otherworldly threats, to this day. She had become a unifying factor, the sole leader to win a battle for their side across the final push in the Hundred Year War.
What did he look like, standing anywhere near her? The twice-banished prince, as good as a total stranger, whose loyalties would be confusing and difficult to grasp for the common folk? Where he would bring his wife and children to the Fire Nation with him, to rule over them, they would see him bringing foreigners, just as much as Azula would… but they knew Sokka. They feared him, just as once they had admired him. Suki, as strong as she was, would not be a widely worshipped Fire Lady, and she would have to endure mutterings and dismissiveness from fools who might not show her the respect she deserved. She'd have to prove herself to them… whereas Sokka already had, long ago, and he had done it all over again upon winning this war and defeating the Fire Nation.
A shiver ran down his spine: Azula was but a few steps away, standing on a dais, watching the final embers of their father's pyre… but she could have been hovering in the sky, instead, for how distant she felt right now. He had to fight her tomorrow… he would do his best, no matter his body's condition, but a deep-seated insecurity he had sought to shake off reared its head again: was he truly good enough? Were they on the same level, nowadays? Would the Fire Nation be as ready to accept Fire Lord Zuko as it appeared to embrace Fire Lord Azula?
He swallowed hard. He lowered his gaze.
He hadn't come this far to falter now.
He never gave up without a fight… no matter if a part of him expected he would lose it, regardless of their combat's outcome.
He breathed deeply and raised his head: he would fight… no longer out of dread of inadequacy, no longer out of vindictiveness, but out of true respect for his sister. She was his rival for one last day, one last time… coming up short against her was no longer the greatest fear in his aching heart. He would not fight for victory, desperate to claim that crown or that throne to justify his very existence… he would do it to ensure that the best out of the two of them would lead the Fire Nation out of darkness in the coming decades. Whatever destiny held in store for him, he would face it with his heart at the ready, with his mind clear, with his body as strong as it could be.
For the first time, he would fight a true duel of honor… the most fateful Agni Kai in the history of the Fire Nation.