Blurb: After Henry Tilney's death, he is sent to a "good" neighborhood to spend the rest of eternity. A Good Place AU. Jane-uary 2025 event.
THE GOOD NA-BORHOOD
Day 31 Manners
Chapter Summary: Residents meet the new architect and his assistant.
"Manners maketh the man, as you humans say,"
Henry ran to his cottage in a dead sprint. He was almost in sight of it when Catherine's murder was broadcast on all channels. Henry didn't even know news could be projected onto the sky until that moment. The thought of her death hurt viscerally and he knew he wasn't out of the woods yet with respect to Michael's wrath.
He fell through the front door of his cottage and kicked it shut. For the first time since he'd arrived, he locked the door.
Then he waited.
.o8o.
Henry spent the first day of his lockdown huddled in the armchair, listening to a disembodied voice inform him that Catherine was murdered.
On the second day, the announcement stopped. Henry grabbed random books from his shelves, trying to distract himself with stories, only to discover that the pages were empty or the words were in languages he couldn't read.
On the third day, he ransacked the larder. He didn't technically need food or drink but stress eating tried to satisfy other needs.
On the fifth day, he invented histories for each tchotchke in the cottage, the craftspersons and artists who made them, their symbolism and intended use, and the madcap adventures that would have brought them to Henry's attention.
On the sixth day, Henry decided to take up watercolors only to give up when he couldn't find any paint and didn't have the nerve to call for Catherine to bring him supplies. Instead he tried drawing and writing in all those blank books.
On the ninth day, he did 100 pushups and 100 situps just to see if he could. And on the tenth day, he winced every time he moved.
On the twelfth day, there was an odd chiming noise in Henry's cottage. It was nothing like the glissando he associated with Catherine so he ignored it. Five minutes later, it came again with a pounding on his front door that might have been knocking.
Cautiously, he looked through the peephole and saw a pair of beings standing outside his front door.
"Catherine!" exclaimed Henry as soon as he could get the door open.
"Ah! So you're not catatonic. Put Mr. Tilney down in the Win column, Catherine," said an oddly familiar man. He reminded Henry of someone he had met at university, a purely disposable acquaintance that Henry hadn't bothered to maintain.
Catherine made a show of writing on a clipboard.
"How do you do?" said the man to Henry. "My name is James and I am excited to announce that I have recently been appointed the new architect for this neighborhood. Your old architect Michael was retired. I understand the residents have been having a bit of a hard time for the last couple… Catherine, what unit of time do the humans use in this situation?"
"It's been nearly two weeks," Henry informed him.
James inclined his head in acknowledgement.
"You're Michael's replacement? You don't look like him," Henry said with a note of disbelief.
James puffed out his chest in pleasure. "Exactly! After the recent kerfuffle, the Board decided that it would be in poor taste for me to wear the same authority camouflage so R & D gave me something new and a little experimental. It's friendly camouflage. What do you think of it?"
What Henry thought was that the R & D department needed to take the suit back to the drawing board. What Henry said was, "Yes, fine.."
"Thank you. We're still cleaning up some of the mess but residents are now free to leave their homes to interact and move about, just as long as you stay away from the abbey to the north and the church to the south," James said.
"And, as a treat, I've brought you a welcome basket." With that, James nodded at Catherine who took the cue and produced an inordinately large wicker basket filled with treats which she handed to Henry.
"But I'm not new to the neighborhood. You don't need to welcome me," Henry said as he set the basket down.
James gave a thin lipped grimace that was probably meant to be a smile. "The neighborhood is mine now, Mr. Tilney. That makes it new even if it seems familiar."
Henry couldn't help but stare at Catherine at those words. She too looked familiar yet felt new.
"I've kept a number of things the same to ensure a smooth transition - the social filters, for example. Manners maketh the man, as you humans say," James continued. "But I've made a few changes, such as with Catherine. She won't be as readily available as she was under Michael's tenure, but I'm sure you humans are far more self-sufficient than you give yourselves credit for. Besides, humans need enrichment; it'll be good for you."
The architect smiled, and even his genuine expression seemed inauthentic. Henry did not smile back.
"Anyway, I'll be having a party to get to know everyone at the abbey as soon as it is safe to do so. Until then, please feel free to return to your normal afterlife activities."
James turned to Catherine. "Is this when we shake hands? How do I do that again?" He began flapping his arms around but when Henry refused to repeat the gesture he put his arms down and sighed.
"Well, cross Mr. Tilney off the list," said James to Catherine. "We'll deliver the news to Allen Park and then take a break." Together they started to walk away.
"Wait," called Henry and he stepped outside. "That's it? I've been cowering in my home for ages, and now we're just supposed to go back to normal? Catherine died and now she's back, Michael's gone and you've replaced him, and nothing's really changed?"
James and Catherine paused and shared a silent conference.
It was James who spoke to him. "I understand that the last two weeks have been confusing or terrifying or - frankly, humans have a dizzying spectrum of emotions; I don't know how you can keep track of them all. But that's over. Michael has been dealt with and I am now in control. I have big plans for this place, big plans. If you thought it was a good neighborhood before with Michael in charge, well, just wait and see what I do with it!"
James flapped his arms in farewell and signalled for Catherine to follow him.
Henry watched them walk away in the direction of Allen Park. Them he went inside the cottage and locked the door.
/THE END/
Notes: that's it! That's a wrap! If you liked it, give me a sign or maybe amble over to my other fics to see if you like them as well.