"What cannot dance at the edge of the lips goes screaming to the bottom of the soul."
Christian Bobin

Remus held Sirius in his arms, the wizard had just fainted from the effects of the multiple dementors around them. Remus was in a bad way himself, but he couldn't go under, or they were both finished. His instincts hadn't failed him, and indeed, given Borgin's fear and distrust, as well as the presence of so many curses, had confirmed it. Sirius had quickly neutralized Borgin, and closed his shop, in the doubt that a Death Eater would want to come by, he had secured it to a minimum, they should be safe for the search for the horcrux.

But as always when it came to them, nothing went as planned. After having to get through several dark magic traps, they were both considerably weakened, and the addition of the dementors had not helped. They'd gone after both of them, but Sirius seemed to be more susceptible, or weakened, and they'd tried to suck out his soul, before he suddenly passed out. Remus tried to conjure a patronus, but the corpses of Dora and Teddy kept coming back, like flashes. He tried many times before he succeeded, and Sirius had turned even whiter. When he finally managed to push them away, he walked away and dragged Sirius' body with him. He set it down near a staircase, made sure that it was invisible, should anyone manage to get into the shop, and carefully descended the stairs.
He found himself in a circular room, the layout of the room reminded him of the Department of Mysteries where he and Hermione had been. He cautiously walked towards the wand, fearing that a trap would be set off, and he was right, a series of spells were sent his way. He parried them, but with difficulty, these were not weak spells that Voldemort had in store. A new series began once the first was finished. He was hit by the first spell, which at first sight seemed to have no effect, which worried Remus, the ones where the effect was not immediately visible were always the worst, and he took a second one, and a copious stream of blood began to flow from his thigh. After several long minutes he finally reached the wand and was not disappointed to see the wand surrounded by a glowing pouch, of which he knew nothing. As a precaution, he grabbed a bag, and put on protective gloves, before grabbing the glowing pouch, he could only touch the wand and was forced to take the envelope that surrounded it. He put it in the bag and headed for the exit, parrying several more rounds of spells.

He joined Sirius, who was in a half-comatose state, his eyes half-open, but he seemed lost. It must have been a potion he had drunk earlier. Because the room where the horcrux had been, was far from the only barrier to catching Merlin's wand. The dementors had been only a tiny part of it. Remus was sure there was no way to get that horcrux back on their own, and even with two of them, they weren't sure they'd make it. He was reluctant to give Sirius a potion, but he didn't know the composition of the potions he had ingested and some of the mixtures of ingredients could be highly toxic, and he didn't want to poison the wizard. A good couple of slaps and shakes later, Sirius was back on his feet, although he was very dizzy, and not walking very straight. But he was holding his wand, and seemed to be able to defend himself. Getting out of the shop was no picnic either, but after a while they managed. Sirius implanted false memories in Borgin, which should not be noticed by the main character, but which would probably not hold up to hours of mental torture by the Dark Lord.

They apparate to Hogwarts and made their way cautiously to the Shrieking Shack, the only secret passageway that had not been sealed off. It was here that Severus and Regulus were talking to the Order, the guards not letting people with the mark in. They could have made them part of the protections, as they had done with the few students who had been forced to take it and were now at Hogwarts, away from their master, but that was an excuse for Voldemort not to pry into their minds, to learn more about the castle's organisation. He hadn't been too happy that his spies couldn't tell him more, but they had all agreed that it was safer. It was all about safety and caution now, they couldn't make any mistakes that might prove fatal. This had been their daily routine since they had established the Hogwarts HQ.

They walked slowly towards the castle, Remus was trying to stop the bleeding in his leg, but he was getting weaker and weaker, and so was Sirius. Eventually they reached the Great Hall for help, before they both collapsed in front of the students present. Marlene and Alice, being present in the room, had them taken to the infirmary, while Madam Pomfrey tried to treat them, at least what she could. She didn't know enough about dark magic to give them too many potions.

The two wizards woke up quickly, and were surprised to find the infirmary empty. Normally, James and Remus would have rushed to Sirius' bedside, and Hermione to his. But neither of them were there. Sirius seemed as surprised as he was, and one look confirmed it. They asked Madam Pomfrey for more information, but she said she was looking after her patients, not their visitors.
They heard footsteps approaching, and immediately recognised the voices shouting.

"Helena, calm down!"

"Let go of me, Lupin! I told you to let go of me! And you too, Potter!"

The doors to the infirmary swung open and Hermione stormed into the room, to the surprised looks of Sirius and Rem', and the desperate looks of James and Remus, and made her way towards the latter, her magic vibrating around her in anger.

"HOW DARE YOU LEAVE WITHOUT ME!"

"Helena…"

"WE SAID WE WOULD GO TOGETHER! We promised we'd both go and get it! Do you realise how panicked I was when I saw you were gone!"

"Helena."

"But you don't care, do you? We don't see each other anymore! You don't tell me anything! And you'd rather leave without me after all we've been through!"

"Helena!"

"You knew how important it was for me to get the horcrux back! How could you do this to me?"

"Hermione!"

The witch froze for a moment before taking a breath and speaking again.

"Don't call me that. Not in front of them. You have no right. I thought you might understand me. I thought you'd understand why I needed to get this one in particular."

Hermione left the infirmary as quickly as she had entered, without a backward glance. She was hurt. Remus could have, should have understood her, why hadn't he done it that time? Why hadn't he woken her up and taken her to get the horcrux with him? She couldn't stand not doing anything. She felt so useless. She hadn't fought alongside the Order for months, years now. She hated being weak, and three months of torture and over a year in a coma hadn't helped. She couldn't take it anymore. She enjoyed teaching Harry and Neville things. She enjoyed teaching the best fighting techniques to the students at Hogwarts, but even so, she was useless in the war. She needed to be more present, she was a Time Chosen. And retrieving the horcrux was something she could have done. She was capable of it. She might not have fully recovered yet, but she would have been able to get the bloody horcrux. And besides not taking it with him, Remus hadn't even warned her. And to Hermione that was a blatant sign of how little the wizard trusted her.

In the infirmary, the silence had become heavy and the three marauders were staring at Remus. The wizard's shoulders were hunched, and he looked a little lost. He understood Hermione, he knew it was hard for her to be left out like that. But he didn't regret his choice either. He had to protect her as much as possible. And she was still too weak to go on such missions, and looking for the horcruxes was no walk in the park, it was a bumpy ride, and Hermione knew it. Remus wasn't sure if they would have made it if they had both been there.

"And did you find him?" James asked, hoping to change the subject."

Sirius nodded, but preferred to skip the more sordid details. There was no need to worry them any more than necessary. He knew enough about dark magic to know how to heal himself quickly, but he knew that in any case, it would take time to fully recover.

Hermione was fighting her training dummy, not caring about her physical state. She had been fighting almost non-stop for ten days. Ten days since she and Remus had spoken. She blamed herself. She blamed him. All at once. It wasn't too clear in her mind. Ten days. It wasn't much compared to her whole life. But it seemed like an eternity now. Not that she wasn't responsible for this situation. Remus had tried to talk to her the night he returned. But she hadn't wanted to hear anything. And she'd been avoiding him ever since. She was fighting her dummy because she had to get better. She had to stop being weak, and it was through physical training that she would do that. She was so focused on her task that she didn't even hear someone enter. She stopped abruptly when he began to speak.

"Are you going to kill yourself in training or do you just want to go back into a coma?"

"What do you care?"

"There's no need to be so unsympathetic."

"You know that word? What do you want?"

"You really want to make sure no one comes to see you again."

"Potter."

"Since when do we go back to last names?"

"I don't have all day. In case you haven't noticed, I'm practising, and I prefer to do it alone."

"You're working yourself to death."

"No, I'm not. I'm just practising."

"But pull yourself together. You can barely stand. I can't imagine what it's like to wake up after months with no control over your body. But training non-stop won't make you better. In fact, the opposite is true. You're wearing yourself out."

"You don't understand! It's easy for you, you've never had to do physiotherapy, you've never been tortured for hours or mortally wounded! This is the second time I've had to learn to walk again! You don't know what it's like not to be able to do anything, I was looked at with pity! I had to learn everything again! I had to learn to fight again, when it took me almost ten years to reach the level I had before all this. I worked so hard to beat them, to avenge my friends, but I have to start all over again! They say the body doesn't forget, but it's not true! I have no physical shape, I have no stamina, my body is not even strong enough to do dark magic! My body and mind are no longer in tune, and there's nothing worse! I fought to accept my flaws, to overcome everything that could make me weak. I've spent hours in front of a boggart so that I'm not paralyzed with fear in front of Bellatrix Lestrange, I've made sure to revisit the death of my friends, so that I stop seeing them everywhere I go, so that I can assimilate the fact that they're no longer there! To be dominated is to be lost! If you control what can enslave you, then you are stronger than anything! This has been my policy for years! I make sure I never let myself be dominated by my emotions, my fears, my memories, but I can't do it anymore! My body is going crazy, my mind is going crazy, I can't do anything! Do you understand that James? I can't do anything! My body is as weak as when I was fifteen! And it's killing me! The Death Eaters are killing hundreds of people every day and I'm letting them die, just like I let my friends die! I'm under a lot of fucking pressure, and I'm not able to participate properly in this bloody war that's taking us all out one by one. I never asked to be here!"

Hermione finished her tirade, breathless, angry and surprised. It was not her habit to confide in anyone, so to pour out her feelings to James was surprising, even for her.

"You know..." James said after a moment of silence, "we're all scared. We have a right to be human. That's what keeps us the way we are in wartime. We're allowed to be hurt, to be afraid. You'd be so much nicer if you'd let your human side out a little more. No one would blame you, you know. No one would blame you for cracking after all you've been through."

"But I can't crack!"

"Helena... Hermione... You've already cracked, you're doing it right now! But it's okay, it happens to everyone."

"Don't call me that. You have no right to call me that. Not with that voice, not with that look, not with those eyes."

Even though James didn't seem to understand the implication, that didn't stop him from continuing.

"You're not weak, you know. It's normal to take time to control your body. But why don't you talk to Remi about it? Why don't you tell him how you feel, how much it hurts to be left out like this? Just talk to him, explain it to him. He didn't mean any harm. He just wants to protect you."

"I'm not a child anymore!"

"He knows that. But you're the last person he has left, so it's normal that he wants to protect you, don't you think? He doesn't want to lose you stupidly, just because your body isn't ready to handle potions made by you-know-who yet."

Hermione stood up and without a word to James, she left the room. Who would have thought that James Potter would ever give her advice? But he was right about one thing. She had to talk to Remus. She found him in a classroom, where he was lecturing some young students on basic defensive spells. She stood in the corner, listening to him teach, but he eventually became aware of her presence, and asked the children to practice for a while without him. He approached Hermione and before he was even close to her, the witch let out a weak "I'm sorry".

"I'm the one who should be sorry. I shouldn't have left like that, without warning you."

"And I shouldn't have shouted at you like that in the infirmary."

"We're both idiots, aren't we?"

Hermione nodded, then let Remus continue his lecture. The students' education had to come before their personal problems. It was when the class ended that she could open up. She told Remus how she had felt left out in the last few months, how useless she was to the Order, and she confided almost everything to him, freeing her from a weight.

Then the months passed, and the two of them went on missions again, rarely at first, but more and more often. Hermione was getting back to her best as time went by. The fighting was still going on outside, the Death Eaters were killing every day, but both Hogwarts and St Mungo's remained impenetrable. The students were afraid, the Time Chosen were counting the nights some of them woke up screaming, asking for comfort. And the members of the Order would bring it to them.

Harry and Neville had made great progress, they were doing well, but Hermione saw them less and less, she hardly taught them anymore, she didn't have time. She knew how they were doing, thanks to the Link, and they seemed a bit sad not to see her much anymore, so she tried to eat with them when she could.

She was still teaching the remaining students to fight without a wand, and to resist the Imperius. They had all made a lot of progress, but undeniably the one who had made the most was Raphaël. Hermione had been a little confused with her feelings towards the young man. She had from the start had a surge of affection and protectiveness for the young wizard that she couldn't explain. She had spent a lot of time with him, each confiding in the other about his past, his fears. They had formed a strange relationship, which neither of them could explain. Few people knew they were so close, only Remus and Minerva. She enjoyed spending time with him, though with the missions it was never long, and not very often. The young wizard seemed happy, too, to be with her, even if he didn't say much about their relationship. Hermione knew that he had insomnia, and that he sometimes took refuge in the top of the Astronomy Tower, but she had been surprised to see that Remus would sometimes join him, and the two of them would talk for hours.

Months passed, and some things changed, others did not. The secrecy between the two Chosen Ones did not change. Hermione worried more and more about the prophecy, but hadn't told Remus about it, not a single hint, while Remus was reading a lot of dark magic books, worrying about the intruder in his body, not telling anyone about it either. They both had the same reason, they didn't want to bother the other, not to give him any more trouble. But it was too late. Not sharing their problems bothered them much more than if he had. But they said nothing, preferring to keep quiet and take it.

More than a year had passed since Dumbledore's death, the discovery of HQ and their move to Hogwarts. But their faces were much more aged than that, scarred by war, fatigue and fear.

On this February evening in 1986, the teachers were counting the students. This had been a habit for some months now, as there were no longer any classes to speak of. The students helped each other and the teachers were there to teach them new things, but everyone went at their own pace. Dinner was the only time of the day when all the students were there, the other two meals were at staggered times, with everyone coming at the time they wished, within reason of course. And that evening, someone was missing.

"Helena" began Professor Flitwick, "one is missing, it's a student you're in charge of. Raphaël Brocklehurst. Do you know who that is?"

"Raphaël is not here?" she asked in a white voice, not sure she understood.

"Yes, he is not here. He's not one who's often late, nor one who misses meals."

But Hermione had already gone to find Remus, trying to quell the panic that was creeping up on her.

"Rem'! Raphaël's not here. Have you seen him?"

"No, not today. Oh yes, this morning, but I just passed him, nothing more. He didn't come to eat?"

"I don't know where he is."

With the marauders present, they handed Harry over to Alice and helped Hermione and Remus look for the wizard, but he wasn't in the usual places he came to hide. Being sure that no one was listening, Hermione asked Remus where the marauders' map was. They both went to Remus's room, summoned the map, and paled even more when they did not see his name.

They rushed out of the room and out of the castle. The Forbidden Forest seemed to be the most likely option, but Hermione's instincts did not take her in that direction.

"Did you find him?" asked James.

"No, we checked, he's outside the Hogwarts perimeter."

"But how could he get out of the protective barriers without us noticing?"

"It's only if someone tries to get in that we're warned."

The wizards began to search for the young man, and Remus could see that Hermione was on the verge of a panic attack. He stopped for a moment and took her by the shoulders, telling her to calm down and that they would find him. It was then that an unfamiliar patronus came to them, and Regulus' deep voice came out.

"Helena, I'm you-know-where. I have a student with me. He's injured and I'm not sure how much longer he'll last without care. He told me he knows you. Hurry up, I can't leave him alone but I have to get back to HQ as soon as possible."

Hermione hadn't waited for Regulus' words to end before rushing to the Shrieking Shack, the only place close enough and connected enough to Hogwarts that Regulus could get into. Remus sent a patronus to the marauders, telling them to abandon their search, Regulus had found it.

Running, they reached the Whomping Willow fairly quickly, and stopped it with a wave of their wands. They passed through the often used secret passageway and Hermione ran again. As soon as she saw them, she rushed towards the two wizards.

"You thoughtless idiot! Do you realise the extent of your actions? How did you…" she began before being abruptly interrupted.

"I'm sorry... Mum..."

And Raphaël fainted, before Regulus' surprised eyes and Hermione's horrified ones. Because this sentence was anything but harmless. In front of her helpless eyes, Hermione saw the prophecy take shape. She knew it was probably a mistake on Raphaël's part, but his hallucination was enough to bring Hermione's world crashing down. The players of the prophecy were all there, it was only a matter of time before it came true. Because even if it was a mistake on Raphaël's part, that one word shattered her certainty, and her special relationship with the young man became real, there were words on it. She knew now what those protective impulses were that she had towards him. Those of a mother wanting to protect her son.

I hope you liked it!

Thanks to James Birdsong for leaving several reviews!