The Ghost of Razgriz
Commissioned by SheepReaper, Written by NonsensicalRants
Chapter 2
Is this Living?
Kestrel was quickly pulled out of the pool of green mystery liquid and toweled down.
The toweling didn't help, as her clothes were also wholly soaked. She questioned where the clothes came from before realizing they were as much a part of her as her new flesh and bones.
Her clothes looked almost savage, with more fur and hide than actual armor. She'd need to get in front of a mirror to see herself fully. She was anxious about what her face might look like, but she didn't voice this concern.
Noticing that the first towel was laughably insufficient, considering the new ship-woman's physical size and sopping wet clothes, Akashi wrapped her in an even larger towel and coaxed her into a room connected to the chamber containing the green pool. This new room had a lit fireplace, cushioned recliner chairs, blankets, and rugs. It was the most homie, comfortable-looking thing she had ever seen.
One wall was covered, floor to ceiling, with shelves of small white cylinders and square packages. Kestrel initially mistook the latter for condoms before realizing they were tea bags. The large, metal water dispensers with steam coming from their tops were a dead giveaway, as were the many clean coffee mugs. There was also a Keurig. So that's what the white cylinders were—coffee.
Akashi layered a blanket around an already towel-wrapped Kestrel and gingerly sat her down, treating her with the tenderness of a child treating their ailing grandmother. Kestrel was simultaneously offended, though only slightly, by the delicate treatment and comforted by it.
"Which would you like to sample first? Coffee, cocoa, or tea flavors?" Akashi asked, holding up a few packets or cylinders of each. "One of the few joys of being put on delivery duty: hazing the newborns."
Kestrel blinked in confusion at the pink-haired woman. How did wrapping her in a blanket, sitting her on a lazy boy beside a fire, and giving her hot drinks constitute hazing? Wait, delivery? As in delivering a baby? Yeah, okay. That made sense, she supposed.
"The cocoa, please." Kestrel decided as she folded her legs beneath her and sank into the soft cushions.
She then watched as the repair vessel withdrew a silver platter and covered it in empty coffee mugs. She then worked the Keurig, filling each mug with a different type of cocoa from a box holding a dozen white cups. The box was labeled "Twelve Days of Christmas Cocoa." It boasted everything from candy cane-flavored cocoa to vanilla wafer-flavored cocoa, plus everything in between.
She used one of each to fill a different mug until she had twelve cups of hot cocoa, which she brought around to place on an end table beside Kestrel. Long before she arrived, Kestrel was overcome by the myriad of smells. Smell. What a new and overpowering sensation. She couldn't parse which of these new experiences was cocoa, as opposed to the vanilla wafer or candy cane. They all assaulted her all at once.
"Let's start with the plain flavor. Here you go."
The orchestra of smells had driven her into a trance, and being forcefully handed a mug brought her back out of it. She had to shake her head and repeatedly blink to break herself from her olfactory-induced stupor. Still, the first real sip pulled her right back into sensory overload.
"Ooooooh." She moaned, similar to the way the couples making up her crew would moan during their alone, intimate time in private barracks.
Cocoa, chocolate. The flavor of it was all-consuming. It brought warmth to her body far and above the blanket and fireplace combined. It permeated through her body, from her mouth and stomach, where it touched, all the way out to her fingers and toes.
Her body vibrated with every sip, like when her engines had turned on for the first time. The sensation was so pleasing that she gulped down the cup as if inhaling a breath of air, an altogether separate but still novel sensation.
"Ahhhh." Kestrel sighed in satisfaction as she placed the now empty mug back onto the silver platter.
Then, for an indeterminate amount of time, she sat there. Her eyes were closed, her mouth was open, and her mind was empty as she bathed in the afterglow of her first-ever mug of hot cocoa. Soon, this afterglow faded. She returned to the room with the fireplace, still light-headed and jittery but more alert.
"Now, go ahead and try the eggnog," Akashi said, handing her another cup of hot cocoa.
Without thinking, she drank the mug of eggnog-flavored cocoa, instantly experiencing a new euphoria. This euphoria was followed by a new one when she drank the candy cane-flavored one, again when she drank the Peeps-flavored one, and once more when she drank the cherry pie-flavored cocoa. On and on her hazing went as she experienced new and continued highs born from sugar, caffeine, theobromine, and warmth.
She lost herself in the high of sensory overload brought on by the new smells, tastes, and touches.
When she finally finished all twelve mugs of cocoa, time had passed. Kestrel could not tell how much time had passed, for she had not checked the clock on the wall when she came in but was positive she had been there for hours. It was strange to be that sure when it felt as if only mere seconds had passed.
She slowly registered details of the moments she missed while experiencing them. At one point, a few other people, other girls, had come to hand in papers and office supplies. At another point, another new person came in to laugh at Kestrel as they held a whispered conversation.
And then she realized what had happened. She, in her new body, had been hazed. Exposing a being who had never experienced the sensation of taste, let alone the smell and taste of such, left them nearly catatonic.
Cocoa, along with its added flavors, was so divine that to make it the first thing a new person tastes was tantamount to transferring knowledge of the entire universe to an ant. This ought to be illegal!
"How was your first meal? Don't worry; your second one will be even better!" Akashi assured her.
Why did her assurance sound more like a threat than anything approaching soothing?
Akashi picked up some paperwork on a clipboard, clicked her pen, and began to write on it.
"Right, so. Name, rank, and serial number," Akashi demanded abruptly, momentarily adopting the tone of a superior officer asking for a sit-rep.
Involuntarily stiffening her posture, Kestrel responded, "OFS Kestrel, hull designation CVN-30, flagship of…" Kestrel hesitated for only an instant, but she knew Akashi had noticed. Her fleet? Last she recalled, her country had branded her a traitor, and her new fleet was merely a multinational collection of defectors with a conscience on the right side of history. Her commander-in-chief was a president in exile. No, her fleet did not have an official designation. But the crew… "My fleet… M'am," Kestrel finished her thought.
"And which fleet was that?" Responded a now visibly confused Akashi.
"The Kestrel Fleet, M'am," Kestrel answered more confidently this time.
To Akashi, Kestrel seemed a bit nervous and cagey. Still, if any of that was subversion, she couldn't tell it apart from the hazing effects. Kestrel's responses open up too many questions above her pay grade, and her teasing might be causing this; Kestrel responds as if Akashi is a drill instructor or something. She needed to calm the girl down a bit. "Relax. There's no need to address me so formally, and I won't pry." Akashi paused briefly and sighed, relaxing her posture a bit. "So, you said your name was Kestrel, right? With an 'e' or an 'a'?" Akashi asked.
"Two 'e's," Kestrel said, relaxing her posture a bit in response to Akashi's own change in tone and posture.
"Mhm. What class of ship are you?" Akashi asked.
"I am a Hubert-class aircraft carrier, seventh of the line." She said.
"Hubert-class? That's a new one, although you don't look like a class I've ever seen, I believe it." Akashi said. "Affiliation?"
"Osean Federation Ship, Osean Defense force," Kestrel said.
"Oh-see-en?" Akashi asked for clarification with a quizzical expression.
"Yes, ma'am. O-s-e-a-n. The Osean Federation, surely you've heard of it?" Kestrel asked.
"Oh, of course," Akashi quickly responded, rushing this conversation into safer waters.
Kestrel didn't believe her, but she also couldn't imagine any country so backwater as to not know of her nation. Not to be arrogant, but the Osean Federation was a big deal.
"Okay, you seemed warmed up enough. I have the information I need. Let's get you to the good doctor so he can examine you, and once you're done with your physical, we can get you to your quarters for the evening." Akashi said. "Tomorrow, you'll be flown out to your new base, where you will meet everyone."
She agreed with Akashi that she was adequately warmed up. She was familiar with the concept of a physical. Plenty of them had been performed on her men within her halls over the years, along with many other procedures in the med bay. These were never happy occasions, and so she once again felt a deep anxiety at what was to come.
Akashi led her back through the door they came in from and into the room with the green pool. They walked around it to a set of larger doors that opened into a hallway more aligned with what Kestrel would expect from a military facility.
They were plain, confusing, barely marked hallways. Were Kestrel not being guided, she'd be utterly lost. Some doors had names and titles next to them, but they meant nothing to her except the one with a red cross and "Dr Tanaka" on the nameplate.
"Go on in. And don't be afraid. Dr Tanaka has a gentle touch and a supreme bedside manner." Akashi assured her.
This time, her assurance seemed genuinely reassuring instead of threatening, so Kestrel believed her.
Kestrel knocked on the door.
"Come in." Answered a kindly voice.
She opened the door, gave one last backward glance to Akashi, who gave her encouraging thumbs–up, and entered.
"Ah, the newborn ship. Please, come in. My goodness, you're tall." The human man said.
Kestrel realized she had to duck beneath the doorframe to get through, but only as he said those words. Not only that, but she towered over the human man, and Akashi in particular. She had just assumed the pinkette was tiny, not that she was huge. Now she realized she was, in fact, enormous. Were their human forms sized proportionally to one another based on their size as ships?
"Come along, let's measure and then weigh you. See what we're working with." Doctor Tanaka coaxed.
Kestrel obeyed and walked towards the measuring device, stopping as she passed a full-length mirror.
Was that her? Dear god, she looked like a savage! All furs and belts and as muscular as a female bodybuilder. Okay, softer and more feminine than that, but still. She'd be afraid to approach herself if she saw a woman like this. But, a part of her liked it. All of the green and the furs. Her face seemed strange, far too pretty and ladylike for the muscular build.
"If you wouldn't mind disrobing down to your undergarments for the weighing, " said Doctor Tanaka. There is a changing room with hospital gowns if that would make you feel more comfortable."
Kestrel decided this would make her more comfortable, so she retreated into the changing room and removed her still-damp clothes in favor of a hospital gown. When she came back out, the scale was waiting for her.
She noted that the scale's numbers were in increments of one thousand long tons, up to one hundred thousand. Knowing her displacement to be slightly more than the scale's range, she worried she would damage the device.
She stepped on the scale, and Doctor Tanaka whistled as if impressed.
"Congratulations, I've never seen anyone make the indicator spin all the way around and back to zero. Let's go ahead and just call it one hundred thousand tonnes." Dr Tanaka said. "Almost twice Yamato. I've never heard of such a large ship."
Part of Kestrel was immediately offended by what sounded like a criticism of her weight. She thought that was strange; usually, she'd be pretty proud about being the most significant threat out there. Wait. Did the chatty doctor say twice?
"And now, if you could stand straight so I can measure your height... I'm sorry. Could you rest this at the top of your head? I can't quite reach it." Tanaka said and then amended.
Kestrel obliged, lifting the bar above her and letting it drop onto her head. With her heels together, she straightened her back as much as possible and waited.
"Two hundred and twenty centimeters. We have a true Amazon on our hands. You can step off of the scale now." Said Doctor Tanaka. "And please, take a seat on the examination table."
The rest of the examination was dull. The good doctor touched her all over her stomach, examined her fingers and toes, massaged her throat, and kept asking her about any pains she might be feeling during all of these procedures. She shook her head each time.
"You seem to be in perfect health. Do you recall what damage you sustained to be sunk?" He finally asked.
"I was struck by two torpedoes on my starboard side." She admitted.
"Was one of them near your bow?" He asked.
She blinked at him.
"Yes?" She said, confused as to how he knew that.
"Hmm. Sometimes, the final wounds a ship receives before sinking are reflected in scars or other cosmetic defects when reborn as a Kanmusu. They're usually benign. You have a long, jagged scar along her neck, chin, and cheek." Tanaka explained. "Also, I noticed you've been jittery this entire time. Almost vibrating. Did Akashi haze you with coffee?"
Kestrel narrowed her eyes at Akashi's use of the 'h' word again. This was a bizarrely cruel joke.
"Cocoa, sir." She corrected him.
"Ah. A sugar rush, then. You'll be crashing soon. But you are otherwise pristine! You may get dressed and be on your way. I'm sure Akashi will be glad to guide you to your quarters for the evening." Doctor Tanaka said.
He left the examination room, no doubt, to report all he had discovered about her to his superiors.
Kestrel took this time to look at herself in the mirror. He was right. There was a scar on the right side of her neck all the way up to her cheekbone. It was almost imperceptible against her pale skin, but now that she was looking for it, she couldn't believe she missed it. It was jagged and resembled the tearing in her steel hull in her memory.
Tears came unbidden to her eyes at the permanent reminder of her end, but she wiped them away and stiffened her lip.
She dressed and exited the examination room to find Akashi waiting patiently.
"Just this way. You'll have your own room and bed for tonight. Tomorrow, you'll receive complimentary breakfast, a blindfold, and a plane flight to your new home." Akashi told her cheerfully.
"Blindfold?" Kestrel asked.
Akashi shrugged.
"This is a top-secret base. Even I don't actually know where we are. But other repair-class ships and I take turns working the pool to deliver newborns. We must be blindfolded on the way here and when we leave, too." Akashi explained.
Kestrel was familiar with security clearances and compartmentalized information, but blindfolding workers was ridiculous. She could understand if they were civilian workers, but they were... well, she wasn't sure what they ranked as in the military now that she was human. Property maybe? That was a sobering thought. She'd only just gained humanity; it would be too cruel to have it immediately rescinded.
But then again, all of her soldiers were also just property in the eyes of the military. And the law, for that matter. So she guessed it was a moot point. Either way, she was property now. And a new member of whatever force had just resurrected her. She most likely had the absolute lowest security clearance.
"I see you're having an easy enough time walking. The dysmorphia of seeing your human body moving on its own while mentally you still feel like a ship doesn't bother you?" Akashi asked.
"It bothers me a lot," Kestrel admitted. "It's disorienting in the extreme. Visualizing myself docking into port to sit or lay down and my new body doing the human things."
Akashi nodded with an understanding smile on her face.
"You'll be able to do most things automatically by just visualizing the most analogous act a ship can perform. Once you need to use the toilet for the first time, I suggest visualizing wastewater discharge from the treatment system." Akashi told her. "A lot of us struggle with that the first time. We struggle with a lot of things the first time. Eventually, there will be tasks you can't do without going full human, as we call it. It will take a lot of practice and deliberate intent, but the day will come when you can croquet, kiss, and rock climb. Some of us leave active duty and start normal lives. Have families and real jobs. But that takes years of learning to be human."
Kestrel did her best to follow everything this tiny woman said, but much went over her head. It was a lot to take in all at once.
"I can see I'm frying your brain. Well, don't worry, I won't fry it any further today. We've reached your quarters." Akashi announced.
She held her hands towards an unmarked door like a game show hostess presenting a brand-new car. Kestrel actually smiled at her silliness. A bit of jest felt like an injection of normality back into her suddenly crazy existence.
"There is a space heater. I suggest putting your damp clothes on a chair in front of it while you sleep. In the morning, you'll be escorted to The Naval District. It's a base with hundreds of other ladies like us. Well, each has a unique personality. But you'll find it more of a home than any other home you've ever had, I promise." Akashi said as she opened the door for her.
"Oh, and it goes without saying, while you aren't a prisoner, you must not leave your room tonight. Or worse, try to leave the facility by your own power." Akashi warned. A toilet and shower are connected to your room, and there are some snacks if you get hungry."
Akashi motioned her inside, and Kestrel ducked into her temporary quarters. It wasn't even one-tenth as lavish as the hazing room, but it was more luxurious than the cots in her crew quarters. It had an actual mattress instead of the mats that passed for mattresses in military settings. It even had soft comforters instead of those green, wool 'blankets' that half of her crew nearly froze under in arctic missions.
As promised, there was a space heater. Kestrel did as Akashi suggested by disrobing and placing her clothes on a chair in front of it before spending ten minutes figuring out how to turn the thing on.
She then crawled into the bed and lay there. And that's all she did for the rest of the night. Lay there. Awake. All night.
She did not get a wink of sleep. She visualized every activity she had ever participated in that resembled resting. Docking, cruising on the tides with her engines off, she even tried reliving her sinking to the bottom of the ocean. None of these things brought her sleep.
She almost left her room to hunt down Akashi for help, but then she remembered the warning she had given her and stayed put. It wasn't until the morning light shone through the small window that she realized it was even there. She took this as a sign to shower.
This required mental images of being hosed down and scrubbing her hull of barnacles. She learned it was just as enjoyable in human skin—possibly more so. It wasn't quite as mind-blowing as twelve different hot cocoa flavors, but it was close.
She eventually mustered the strength to exit the shower and towel off before putting on her dry, piping-hot clothes. She then sat down and waited. A few minutes later, there was a knock on her door.
"Come in." She said.
Akashi opened her door and blessed her with yet another cheerful smile.
"Did you sleep well?" She asked.
Kestrel shrugged. She hadn't slept at all. Despite this, she felt fine. No different than at any other time since arriving. She had energy to spare, both physical and mental. This couldn't be normal, as humans absolutely required sleep to function, and she was human now, wasn't she? Maybe the cocoa was to blame?
"Well, it's time to take you to your new home. You won't be put to much work for the first week or two, so you can catch up on sleep. Let's get you out of here!" Akashi said.
Thanks as always to SheepReaper for commissioning this story and the patrons who make my writing possible.
To cchazyboy, Amber, WastelandGrunt and RyvenRazgriz, thank you for your kind words and positive attitudes. Some of you are definitely on the right track of thinking for the future of this story, but I will spoil nothing.