11th of First Seed

We sat around the fire, watching the stars, eating the pheasant and talking. Kaidan reading my journal and asking questions. "I knew you'd been with the Jomsbrodirs, but how highly ranked were you?" "I was a full-commission Captain." "You know you're going to have to tell them that you're not coming back," Kaidan chuckled, "sooner or later." I had to explain that I promised that I'd be back once everything here is sorted out. I'm not going back on my word, but I won't be looking to join back up with the Jomsbrodirs any time soon, either. Nothing here is sorted out, yet and it won't be for a long time, not until the girls are grown at the very least. Then I mentioned that I'm actually planning to hire them, when we're ready to invade Summerset. That got me another look, but I told him to keep reading.

"Pirates? Oh, gods! Did they...hurt you?" "They tried," I shrugged, "but I was careful and always kept a kichen knife handy so they didn't mess with me much. Those that tried it came to a bad end." He keeps reading and looks up, "Altmer genocide? I don't know if I'm up for that. I hate the Thalmor as much as anyone but all the altmer..." I tell him to hold off until he gets further along. He nodded and went back to reading. "Wait, you're going to take over the whole empire." I nodded and got another stare, "You're really serious? I definitely have my work cut out for me." We talked through most of the night, with him reading and asking questions. "Are you still a werewolf?" "No, I cured myself when I cured Kodlak. I hated it... the wolf and the dragon fought bitterly." He looked up at me, eyes big again, "I heard that someone attacked the Thalmor embassy. So that was you too?" "I don't think the Thalmor know that because I made sure the trolls could get in and feast on the corpses. I think if they knew, I'd have seen some retribution from them by now." "How many of the Thalmor did you leave in the Riften sewers?" "Maybe as many as twenty."

"By the nine, you went into Black Reach." "We went through there as fast as we could, too, hunting for that damnable scroll." He sits reading for a while before he looks up, "How many of these black books do you have?""A half a dozen of them." He dives back in and whistles. "No wonder you make everything out of ebony." "Alik'r?" I nodded and he starts reading again. "So that's how you found me. You were already hunting Thalmor." "I have been for a very long time and for reasons that aren't in that journal but we can talk about that when you're done reading." He nodded and goes back to reading. I noticed that he's trying not to laugh. "Most people are too scared of Ulfberth to even think to flirt with him but you do it get better prices." "I'm a dovah. Intimidation doesn't work on me. I push the world harder than it can push back. This is the true meaning of Fus." Finally, he finishes and hands me back my journal. "You can tell me about the parts that aren't in here tomorrow."

I grabbed my pack and started to stow my journal, when he stopped me. "It's not my place to say this since I haven't known you for long, but that's already quite a tale. Gods above, you met him and married him under some pretty dire circumstances," Kaidan says, "Tsun was right, that only made it even more remarkable that you leapt through that portal. I don't know that I'd have done it. Now I begin to understand all of this a bit better. Thank you for sharing all this, for trusting me with it. If you'll trust me a bit more, I think we both need some rest after that run. I've only got both our cloaks and the fire. I didn't exactly have a chance to pack for a night under the stars." When I asked what he's got in mind, he smiles at me, "Just a bit of a snuggle to stay warm. No hanky panky, I swear. " I was too exhausted argue, so I nodded. I watched him bustle around setting the camp to order for the night, and stoking the fire. I felt him come lay down behind me and shuffle around a bit arranging our cloaks over us. It was like being between two banked fires.

"I have to ask you something," Kaidan rumbles, "I'm sorry if this hits a nerve, but the circumstances seemed...unusual. Do you love Erik?" "I... I don't think so," I answered, "What we had wasn't anything like what the bards and books describe or even what Lydia and Rayya chatter about. I trusted him with everything. I cared for him, deeply, but there was never any of that all-consuming thing between us. It might have turned into that, if we'd had more time. What you fail to understand is that I was only able to make that leap through the portal because I trusted that he'd be waiting and that he'd care for the girls until I could find a way back. I was able to leap off a wall and land in the middle of a bunch of Imperial soliders because I knew, without asking, that he'd leap after me and cover my back. Most of what I was able to do was because I knew, without a doubt, that he'd support me. That's the kind of trust I had with him." "You're convinced he's gone?," Kaidan says softly. "I am," I reply, "Something happened that first night we were together. The dovah in me marked him as mine. I could sense him, dimly, even when I was in Bruma or Solstheim. I haven't been able to since he went to Dawnstar." He made a noise of sympathy and said slowly, "If you'll allow it, I'm going to hug you. I think you need a bit of comfort. You've been busy comforting the girls, but no one's comforted you. Will you... Will you let me do that?" "Fair warning," I replied, "I might end up leaving a puddle of tears on you, too." "Oh, lass, come here. I doubt you'll rust my armor. You're safe with me, I swear it."

I woke up to Kaidan building the fire up and brewing some tea. The sun was already well past the horizon. "Stream's that way," he points, "Go wash up. I already went down there to get all the spriggan sap off. I promise not to peek but if you run into trouble, shout. I'll come. I left some soap on a rock." I stripped down to my padding and cleaned the sap off my armor, but its in my hair and everywhere else so I stripped down the rest of the way and waded out into the stream with his bar of soap. The water was cold, almost numbing so I was scrubbing fast and even using some sand to get the sap off. I got out as fast as I could and started putting everything back on as fast as I could when I hear him stop at the top of the trail down to the creek. "I'm not peeking," he called, "just making sure you're okay. You've been there a while." "I'm fine," I called back, "I had sap in my hair too, and it took a while to get it all out." "You're bound to be half frozen then. Come back up here to the fire."

I got back to the fire and he looked me over. "How are you feeling?" "Empty. Fragile. Friable." "Still not great, but that's a lot better than yesterday. I'll take it. Sit." He shoved a mug into my hands and fished out a comb and started untangling my wet hair, humming. I can't see what he's doing but he's doing something with the braids that usually keep my hair out of my face. "Just don't do anything that looks silly." "Never," he replied firmly, "Not to you anyway. Anyone else might be fair game. I've already promised you that you're safe with me." "No one's ever combed out my hair since Ma when I was little." "Then be still and let me do this. Someone needs to take care of you." "Thank you... For everything." "Think nothing of it," Kaidan replies, "I want to see if this makes you look as fierce as you really are. That bland braid doesn't do you justice." So I sat and let him braid up my hair while I soaked up the warmth of the fire. It was peaceful, with the birds chirping and fire crackling.

Finally, he announced he was done. "Since you don't carry a comb, I'm guessing you don't carry a mirror either." I shook my head so he pulled his out and passed it to me. "What do you think? Will that do? I think you look like one of the ancient Nord queens on the story walls. It's still nice and flat so it should fit inside that helm of yours without getting in the way. It's tight enough that I'm not worried about it coming loose and blinding you in a fight." "The effect is striking. I can't imagine how you managed this with a few bits and scraps." "I told you I was good at making things," he grinned, "This hair combined with that look you get when you go into a fight should have all the bandits pissing themselves. Now, we have some choices to make, and I'll leave them all to you. We can stay here for as long as the weather holds. We can go back to Frostfall. We can go somewhere else. You tell me what you can handle right now and that's what we'll do. I'm with you, no matter what you decide."

"No matter what we do," I replied, "We'll need to stop somewhere and send a couple of couriers to let everyone know I'm still alive. I'm not generally away from home without telling everyone." "That's not a bad idea," Kaidan replied, ""Given how you were looking yesterday, I think that will reassure everyone." "Was it that bad?" I asked. "It was worse than that," Kaidan replied gently, "Everyone who cares about you was terrified you'd walk into a sword. You had that look to you. I was prepared to knock you out and carry you off if you tried to go into a fight with anything more challenging than a mud crab. I'd rather have you alive to be angry at me and have to face your foul temper." "You're a good friend, then," I sighed, "That's the kind of thing that the twins would do, and they're my shield-brothers."

"So, any ideas on what you're up for?" Kaidan asked. I thought for a while, before I answered, "Want to go poke around some old dragon burial mounds?" He gave me a long, thoughtful look, "What are you thinking?" "The inscription says to search the ancient bones of enemies," I shrugged, "That's either the dragons themselves or the dragon priests. I can't think who else they could mean given that the inscription is in the dragon tongue." "Are you sure you're up to that?" "I've been hunting them as a hobby for months and I can shout them into submission, instead of fighting them. The dragon priests are a bit trickier so maybe we save those for later, when you think I'm fit to face something more challenging than mud crab or a skeever."

Smirking, he nodded, "Do you know where to find these mounds?" "Hah! That was one of the first jobs Balgruuf had me do for him. I had to go into a crypt and fetch a map of all of them. It looked important so I kept a rubbing of it. I think I still have it in my pack," I nodded, "I've already been to a few of them, so I can get us oriented between this map and my map." I rummaged around in my pack and pulled out the rubbing I'd made of the dragon stone. I spread it out and pointed. "This one is just outside Kynesgrove. I'm pretty sure that this symbol is the Throat of the World. I know about some that aren't on this map, though and we can visit those too. For someone who wants to know about dragons, you certainly ran into the right person." "I won't pass up a chance to see if I can find out something about my mother," Kaidan replies, "If we're going to be traipsing around like this, we'll need some camping gear and some cold weather gear. At least with you there, if we find another inscription, you can read it. Some of these mounds look to be up in the mountains. We can probably get most of what we'll need in Windhelm and you can send some couriers from there , too. That puts us pretty close to this whole group of them."

"Dragons do like their strunmah so I suppose it makes sense to bury them there. They were likely killed there. I can't imagine anyone wanting to move their skeletons too far. They're big and heavy. That usually means that they get left where they fall." "What's a strunmah?" "It's literal meaning is mountain, but in the dragon tongue, it's got additional connotations that include things like territory and home, if that makes sense." "Do you... Do you need to go back to Frostfall?" "I don't have any camping gear," I shrugged, "I usually just stay at an inn. We'll have to go shopping." "Do you have enough on you pay for everything?" "We don't exactly have banks here, so I carry quite a lot of coin. Let's just say it's a good thing you thought to grab my pack." Eyes narrowed, he gives me another of his long stares, "Just how much gold are you packing?" "Enough that I could probably be a Jarl if I wanted to. I might not be able to buy out Balgruuf or Ulfric, but I could probably buy out Solri or Dengeir."

"For the love of Mara, why?" Kaidan growls, frustrated, "Do you have no sense of your own safety?" "Kaidan, I can literally breathe fire. I'd actually feel the tiniest bit sorry for anyone who tried to rob me." "You're having me on." "Let me show you." So I had to spend the rest of the morning demonstrating my shouts for Kaidan. "There are some others but I won't use them without a target in the area. It might target you and that would be either very unpleasant or fatal. Some have to be directed at a target to be used. Now you begin to see why I tell you that I'm a dovah in the body of a joor."