15th of First Seed

Oenguil, Ulfric's smith, had some ideas about underpadding that I quite liked. It involved having a few layers that can be added or removed as circumstances dictate. The most common problem is not overheating in your armor. A warm sunny day turns heavy armor into an oven. Add some activity to that, and I've seen warriors collapse from the heat on spring day. Doing things in layers, I still get the padding I need to help absorb blows but I can layer it up or down to help me adjust to the weather. He got it made up and we're headed into the mountains to see if we can't find out something about Kaidan's family. I fear that I know the answer, but I won't speak it into existence, until I know more. If I am right, he may well be my most powerful and able ally. I'm almost certain that he's Akaviri. It fits with many things he's told me and leads me to wonder if he can learn to shout. Some of the old stories say that some of the Akaviri were also able to shout. My shouts are not like other forms of magic and much of what was known about shouting has been lost. If he can learn it, gods above, that would be useful since we would be able to combine shouts, like I was able to do with the Tongues. These Akaviri would have been my sworn guardians and been closely aligned with the Blades, who would have had a similar mission, so I fear what we might find.

Part of my plan for rebuilding Skyrim is to offer sanctuary to the groups that the Thalmor have been hunting. They can come here, settle and rebuild their lives and in the process, help us rebuild Skyrim into what it should be, what it should have been all along. Most of these groups have some legendary ancient purpose and many have to do with protecting those like me – those who have the dragon blood. If I am able to gather them together and get them working together, we might be able to piece together more information about what it is that I am, what my abilities are, and what I might be able to expand them into. While the Greybeards and the Blades won't cooperate with each other, being able to get information from both of them has been instrumental in defeating Alduin. If I can add the Akaviri and who knows what else to that, what can we accomplish?

This also means that I'm now committed, more than ever, to hunting the Thalmor into extinction. I'm not sure how we'll sort them from the run of the mill Altmer yet, but I will see the Thalmor wiped from the face of Nirn, as they have done to so many others. Dreh ni dah dov, dov dreh kron dah hi. It's a dov sentiment that, loosely transalated says Don't push a dragon. The dragon will push back, push through you, to victory. Let us see how the Thalmor fare when faced with an opponent who was made, by the gods themselves, to dominate.

19th of First Seed

The first few mounds haven't turned up anything useful but today, we went to Northwind Summit. We found a cache of items concealed behind a marker, written in dragon tongue directing us to a tomb, so we'll pay a visit to that tomb soon. I was right and Kaidan is Akaviri. Like me, he may also the last of his kind. I will put out the word to find any others of Akaviri, regardless of their clan. I still have a lot contacts from my time in the Jomsbrodirs. I will also be having another chat with Delphine and Esbern about what they might know or even be able to guess about where we might find more Akaviri. Even if they're not from Kaidan's clan, they may be able to provide us with useful information.

There's one thing that I haven't been completely honest with Kaidan about. I apparently called him Dov Vahloki in my sleep. It does mean dragon guardian but there's a bit more to than that someone not well-versed in the dragon tongue wouldn't know. Calling him Vahloki and not Vahlok means my dovah has become possessive of him. Adding the i at the end changes the meaning slightly to my dragon guardian. Camping out like this, with him, has been peaceful. He's been rather insistent about finding places to stop and sleep, making sure I eat properly, and generally take better care of myself, all of which I suppose is good for me. Even Talesin has mentioned something similar, more than once. Talesin's usual comment is, "Slow down, Cliff Racer." He says that one of the Altmer gods taught them to extend their life spans by walking with shorter steps. I don't know how much truth there is in that, but I'll get one of the mages to investigate it next time I'm in Winterhold.

23rd of First Seed

We stopped in Riften to visit the Temple of Mara and the priest there was able to confirm that the marriage bond that I had is no more. I had expected this, but it still makes me sad. I will always miss my pup. We've been poking around other dragon mounds to see if there are other caches anywhere. So far, we haven't found anything, but we'll head back to Frostfall for a while. I know that the girls need me and I need to see them and see that they're well. The other dragon mounds make a southern arc, heading out into the Reach. Kaidan's been beyond grateful for everything we have been able to find so far.

25th of First Seed

A courier arrived today with a letter from Vilkas to tell me that Erik is in Whiterun. Apparently, he just showed up at the stables. No one even saw him approach, it was like he appeared out of thin air. Vilkas' letter has a warning that something's very wrong with this Erik. When Vilkas asked him if he wanted to see the girls, "Erik" told him that we have boys and refused to see the girls, saying that they're not his. Vilkas says that this "Erik" doesn't seem to know Athis or Aela, even though both of them spent a good bit of time training my pup with sword and bow. There are other odd things too like asking to speak to someone named Alyette who he claims is the dragonborn.

Whatever thing thing is in Whiterun, this isn't my pup. He and those girls played tag, went fishing, and he loved them. This fits with one of the nightmares I've been having where Erik returns but isn't really Erik. It's something else disguised as Erik. Oh, my pup, what has happened to you? What has brought something here wearing your face and speaking with your voice? I'm glad it refused to the see the girls. Let it stay far away from them. We're headed into Whiterun with all due speed. I feel the need to see this doppelganger for myself and question it. There are questions I can ask it, that no one else can, that will tell me just how much of my pup might still be housed in there and perhaps my dovah can get some sense of what this thing is. I suspect that this thing is some kind of a trick or trap or perhaps just bait, but I find it unlikely that I would come to harm at Jorrvaskr with the other Companions around me.

28th of First Seed

This "Erik" said that he's married to the dragonborn, but not to me. I had to take him outside the city and shout before he'd believe that I am indeed dragonborn. When I did, he was so plainly flummoxed that I don't think you can fake that. He says that my shouts don't sound quite the same as his dragonborn. This fits with what I know – that each dovah's voice is unique and why, on meeting another dovah, Thuum are exchanged. It's better than a signature since signatures can be forged. He's reeling, as much as I am. We spent quite some time comparing notes and the stories are similar but not the same. I don't know what's going on here, but we've both agreed that he and I are not married to each other. He's headed to Rorikstead to spend some time with his maybe-father, before he heads off to Hammerfell. Kaidan asked why I believed his stories, and didn't summarily end him. My dovah gets a sense of lingering magic attached to this Erik – powerful and vaguely familiar. It's got the stink of Ancano and whatever he did with that orb. I pity him more than anything else to be thrust into a world both familiar and strangely different than the one that he's known. This also still begs the question of where Jordis is or what in the name of all the layers of Oblivion is going on. I suppose it might be time to go visit Dawnstar and see what they've been able to uncover while I've been out poking around in dragon mounds.

Aela told me that she's glad to see me looking more like myself and less like someone who might walk into a sword. We talked for a while and I'm better for it. Losing Erik has been a devastating blow and grieving for what was lost is what should happen. They'd love for me to start spending more time at Jorrvaskr and I've promised that I will.

I stopped in at Dragonsreach to see Farengar and Balgruuf. Hrongar nodded at me, "You look better, like you might live. Balgruuf will want to see you. He's upstairs in his war room." Farengar apologized yet again for upsetting me with that spell, but I waved him off. He had no way of knowing it would fail so spectacularly. I actually appreciated him attempting it. I walked in and Balgruuf looked up, "Ah my friend. You're looking much better since the last time I saw you. Is it true that they found Erik?" I had to explain the doppelganger so while there is an Erik at Jorrvaskr, he's not my pup. When I got to the part about the Temple of Mara, Balgruuf laughed, "Maybe don't let Hrongar know that, eh?" That comment got a raised eyebrow from Kaidan, who's become my constant shadow. Balgruuf looked at Kaidan, "So, you've managed to keep her from walking into any swords, I see. Good work. See that you keep it up."

29th of First Seed

I'm home and the girls are as happy to see me as I am them. They've heard that Erik was found and I've had to explain that it was a case of mistaken identity. They're very disappointed that he's not their Da. I've avoided going into too many of the details because it's mind-bending for me and I'm somewhat used to magic and what it can do. How do you explain all that to a child? Mistaken identity isn't a lie, it's just not the whole truth of the thing, which even I don't have right now. So much is unclear, and I don't want to burden them with all that uncertainty. The one thing that is clear is that the man who showed up at the stables isn't their Da so let's let that be an end to it, for now. If I can learn more, I may share that with them later.

The girls are entranced with Kaidan and he's been kind to them. He's got Sophie started on archery and been working with Lucia with the wooden swords, even though a man his size looks utterly ridiculous waving a toy sword around. To his credit, he's totally unselfconscious about it and it's good to see the girls laughing and enjoying themselves. The Merry Band is delighted that I'm home, in one piece, and doing better than they'd expected. They've agreed to head out with us to go to Dawnstar and then poke around the rest of these burial mounds. Poking around out in the Reach with all the Forsworn will be a lot less dangerous with all of us together.

I've been consulting with Talesin about the doppelganger and he's a surprising font of knowledge about magic. He seems to think that anyone who was in the area when Ancano was mucking about with that thing might be at risk for being shifted elsewhere. His theory is that Ancano created wild magic that spans across many realities. He thinks that I might be correct in assuming that thing was an Ehlnofey artifact, based on my description of it and some of the sketches I was able to make. He thinks that since both Erik and Jordis were there with me, Jordis was also shifted to another reality. His theory is that only the will of the gods has held me in place and prevented me from being shifted elsewhere. I've allowed him to place a spell on me that he says he can use to pull me back from anywhere including Oblivion or a Thalmor prison. Of the three, he's most concerned about the Thalmor prison. Having seen Kaidan's back, I understand his concerns. He says it will be painful if he has to use it, but that it will work. Pain is something I can deal with, and it will likely be less painful than whatever the Thalmor have planned.