18th of Rain's Hand

Kaidan fears that his ancestors might judge him harshly for being mixed up in a daedric cult for a time. After his guardian died, he fell in with a bad crowd and that crowd got steadily worse and finally ended up becoming a cult devoted to Dagon. He left the cult, though, and has been working for a long while to improve his life. I think this is why he warns me constantly about making pledges to the daedric princes but I've pledged nothing to them. Out of all them Mora comes the closest to that. Damn you all over again, Miraak, for dragging me into your mess. For the rest of them, my only agreement has been to carry their weapon. Mostly, I keep them locked away. The one exception to that is Dawnbreaker. I do use the others from time to time because if you don't keep them blooded often enough, they'll wander off on their own and I prefer knowing where they are. Kaidan knows this. He's seen the armory at Frostfall and read my journal. Talos, Kyne, Shor, and Akatosh are far more to my taste when it comes to reverence and worship.

I've suggested that we do something about his tattoo, since it seems to bother him. I think I can sketch something up that will work to make it look like a dragon, with flecks of flame peeking through its scales. His tattoo from the cult won't be so apparent then. I'll see what he says when he sees the sketches. I admit to having a certain desire to remake his marking into my own marking on his skin. My dovah was quite correct, he is mine and if there's going to be mark of ownership on him anywhere, it should be mine.

Breakfast this morning... We had to sort through the armor and clothing that was all over the floor to dress ourselves. That almost turned into another fire storm. That sideways look and lazy smile combined do something that just makes my blood ignite. I can feel his desire rising and that just fuels my own, which he senses now and that fires his more. It's a miracle we made out of the room at all. It's going to take some time to get used to this. Talesin was highly amused and smirking at me over his cup of tea. Jenassa gave me an approving nod. Rayya just sat there grinning at me and toasted me with her mug. Borgakh is back at her stronghold for the spring planting and Inigo was off pestering the cook, and Lydia is back at Lakeview, so at least I got spared that commentary. Even though I'm certain to have to listen to it at some point, I'd like to space it out over more time than a single breakfast. While I'm contemplating this, Kaidan drops a plate heaping with food in front of me and tells me to eat. Its easily double and maybe triple what I'd normally eat. When I told him that I'm never going to be able to eat all that, he gave me that sideways look and said I need to keep my strength up. This started off another round of teasing and merriment at the table. He was in rare form this morning. The brooding silence has been replaced with easy banter, smiles and laughter. It's a good look on him. It has pleased me to no end to see him like this. I've noticed that he's got a nice smile and should wear it more often. I'll need to see what I can do see that happens more often.

While we were eating, a courier arrived with news that a Bosmer has been spotted in the reach. That bears looking into. Once again, my network of roaming watchers has paid off. One of the guards came in with a bounty letter for some briar hearts nearby. I looked it over and it seems to be near another dragon mound, so we may as well collect a bounty while we go nosing around another burial mound. I told Kaidan that before we head out into the Reach that I'd like to stop in Markarth and pick up Vorstag. Kaidan's not a fan of Vorstag since Vorstag's morality is questionable on a good day, but he's competent enough and gets on well with the Merry Band. I don't doubt that he'd sell us all out for cash though, so I keep contact with him to a minimum. Vorstag's one truly redeeming quality is his distaste for the Forsworn and the hargravens. If we're headed into the heart of the Reach, he'll be an asset, and we can always let him to go back to Markarth. It won't hurt having another sword there if we run into more word walls.

I stepped outside to stretch and escape the teasing. I was busy working out some the kinks from being in a small bed with large man all night when I looked up and saw him watching me with that lazy smile. He grinned when he saw me notice him, called me his little saber cat and said if that if I wasn't careful, we wouldn't be going anywhere today, either. When I asked what he meant, he said that I had a look in my eyes that he intended to put there as often as possible. I walked over and wrapped my arms around him and just laid my head on chest. I think it surprised him, because it took a beat or two before he responded. We stood there like that for a bit before Talesin wandered over. "Are you two going back to your room or are we moving out today?" I fished out the bounty letter and handed it to Kaidan. He laughed and said that we were done lounging around because his beautiful dragon wants to be off.

While we were riding, Kaidan pulled up alongside me and started asking questions about the Proving Festival. I explained that first we would need to find out about as much of his family line as possible because the first step involves writing their names so that we can call them up at the end. I gave him the book I'd found on it. He laughed and shoved it in his pack and made some comment about it keeping all the others I'd already shoved in there in good company. We talked about education, since he's never had much. i told him that I hadn't started with much, either. You don't get a lot of schooling in a frozen little fishing village up on the north coast of Skyrim. Once I joined the Jomsbrodirs, I realized that I had to educate myself in order to keep up with my peers and rise through the ranks. I started reading and asking questions. My first assignment with them sent me to Rimmen to help put down a rebellion being led by a bunch of Nibenese mages. Since I knew nothing about these mages or khajiiti, I started asking questions. In the process, I learned a lot about Khajiit culture and customs, Nibenese magic, and a few other things. I gained enough trust with the locals that they'd come to me with information. That information helped us put down the Nibenese rebellion and got me my first promotion. One of the senior captains was impressed with my work but said that my reports needed to have more polish. He and I had a pretty frank discussion about the state of my education. I could sort of read and maybe scratch out some things. I was told that my oral reports were much better than my written ones. That's why he wanted to talk to me to see what could be done to improve them. He said that he understood about remote villages and became my mentor. I still exchange letters with Frode Viggison.

The next assignment was to Abah's Landing in Hammerfell because the port was being attacked by pirates. Sea battles were an entirely new thing for me. Frode introduced me to Bragi Torgeir and I learned a lot from Bragi. Bragi introduced me to military theory, economics, the business side of the Jomsbrodirs, strategy, tactics, and his brother Ebbe who introduced me to magic. Ebbe demystified quite a lot about magic for me. Nords distrust of magic runs deep for many reasons, but on the whole, I think that Ebbe was right. Just as an axe, on its own, can be used to defend a home or slaughter innocents, magic is also a tool. Even necromancy has its legitimate uses, like calling up a ghost to give testimony about a murder. The good or evil lies in the wielder and the purpose to which it is put, not the tool itself. Kaidan told me that explains why I don't fear magic. That's one reason, but the other is that I am magic. As Sossedov, magic is woven into the very fiber of my being. For me to fear magic, I would have to fear myself. That is a path to madness that I refuse to tread.

Kaidan asked why I keep using dragon words instead of human ones. I think I must have given him a look that said I thought he was being dense. My dovah woke up outside the Western Watch Tower in Whiterun – quite late in life as I understand such things from the Greybeards, but this was the first time, in recent centuries, that a dragon had existed, much less a situation where a dragon was killed in the vicinity of a dragonborn and so revealed their hidden nature. While the dovah grapples with human speech, its best that he start grappling with dovah speech. Furthermore, I don't see my life being free of dragons any time soon. Not all dragons will deign to speak with a joor, but almost none will speak with a joor who can't at least offer proper words of greeting. Drem yoh lok. Aal mu tinvaak? There are nuances to the language, like strunmah and dov vahloki, that he needs to be aware of to make a proper interpretation. It also gives us a way to converse without being overheard. Not many can speak this language and even among them, they often overlook or misinterpret the meaning because of the nuances in meaning and inflections in pronunciation. Talesin is most unique in that regard, but like all mages, he's fascinated by my brand of inborn magic. Talesin also has me to explain things to him where the books are incomplete or even just wrong.

20th of Rain's Hand

Well, it finally happened today. I found Balder, well what's left of Balder at any rate. Judging by his state, he's not been the Balder I knew for a long time. We're not Reachmen. Why join in this madness in the first place? Why in Oblivion did he become a briar heart? I fail to understand why anyone would willingly lie down on an altar and let a hargraven cut their still beating heart out of their chest. It's a crime against nature, a crime against humanity. Briar hearts, as I understand the magic involved, are essentially halfway to being a werewolf. Unlike a true werewolf, or even a werebear, they can't shift. They don't hunt. The only part of lycanthropy that they seem to get is the rage that some weres fall into when they shift. These briar hearts are just rage incarnate created to dish out vengeance thanks to the hargravens and Hircine. Revenge never did anyone any good. That's not how you win a war. This is just useless, senseless death and bleeding that will never end until the hargravens are wiped out. I'm certain that Hircine must be getting some amusement out of it somehow. The only question that remains is what the Jarls of Markarth get out of the arrangement. Maybe I should dump a bit of gold on the mages and set them to uncovering what it is. I'll put that on my list of things to do. Quelling this and stabilizing the Reach would go a long way towards helping us prepare for the war that's coming. Kaidan's here with me as I'm writing this and doing his not inconsiderable best to be distracting. I had to write for a bit, about my once upon a time brother, before I'm ready to go swim in fire again. I can feel the care, concern, and the desire over our bond.

22nd of Rain's Hand

We're heading south to see if we can find this Bosmer. Along the way we've cleaned up some bandit enclaves and sold off their gear. We should be in Markarth in another day or two, depending on how many times we get attacked. Bandits puzzle me. They almost always have some of the worst equipment you can have. Their armor is perhaps a half-step up from clothing, but they still look at us and say things like "You never should have come here" or "Start running so I can stab you in the back" or "I'm going to enjoy counting all your coin". Our armor on the other hand is some of the best I can make and the quality of what I make is legendary. Eorlund Grey-Mane is my rival in name recognition only. It's entirely possible that I'm the best ebony smith currently walking the face of Nirn. Many of my band are equipped in things of my own devising so I know that they've not seen its like before. The disparity in equipment is so great that we'd have to be extremely inept warriors to be taken by these bandits. We are not inept warriors, so we end up packing out all their gear and goodies to be sold. I've even started making our arrows. Kaidan finds it more convenient to have me make them than to go to Solitude and buy them from the fletchers there. He swears that mine fly just as true and I'm happy to make them for him. He laughs because I have him go split the wood I need for the shafts. He says its only because I enjoy watching him flex his biceps as he works. There is a bit of truth in that, but while he's dealing with the wood for the shafts, I can start heating the ebony and the whole process goes faster.