Hey, everyone! Here's another chapter of Ultimate Alliance What if...?! Let's begin!
I DON'T OWN ANYONE IN THIS SERIES!*
We see a movie intro in 1900 style.
Watcher: In the beginning, before the Six Singularities and the dawn of creation, came the Celestials.
That's when Agatha came in!
Agatha: [speaking Latin] Now, with the power of the Eternal Guardians flowing through me, let the power of creation bring forth my rebirth! [points hands at ground] [grunts] My rebirth! My rebirth! Okay, well, that's not working. Howard?
Howard: And cut!
Turns out, they were at a movie set that Howard Stark owns.
Howard: Okay, let's reset. We'll do it one more time.
Watcher: In this universe, Agatha Harkness' quest for power led her to discover the Celestial growing deep within the Earth. Looking to take its cosmic energy for herself, she set out to design a spell to siphon its power. But pulling off a ritual of that scale would require an equally big production. So, she turned to a blossoming industy that had built its reputation fiancing the big dreams of even bigger egos. Hollywood. Where upstart mogul, Howard Stark, was happy to foot the bill.
Howard: Agatha, darling, those in-camera effects, I still don't know how you do it!
Agatha: Just a little bit of "movie magic." But it's not working. The spell is just not working! In the scene, that is. We may need to, uh, re-stage.
Howard: Fantastic! That's lunch, everyone. How, where's my AD? Jarvis? Jarvis!
Jarvis: [runs towards the two] Don't tell me. Not more new pages. We have already re-shot the Third Act set piece five times.
Howard: And we'll shoot it a hundred more, if that's what it takes!
Jarvis: To add what? Another mind-numbing action spectacle? Big fights? Bigger explosion? I think we've seen it.
Agatha: You know, you're right.
Jarvis: I am?
Howard: He is?
Agatha: We need to expand this picture to give it that oomph I'm missing. We need more star power.
Howard: A co-star!
Agatha: How can I steal the show where there's no one to steal it from.
Howard: Of course! The Capulets had the Montagues. The Hatfields, the McCoys. My auntie had the reclue in the apartment upstairs. You need a foil! A perfect placed grain of salt to complement the seasonings simmer in the pan!
Jarvis: Anything but more actors.
Howard: I can see it now. Our Cosmic Queen is sitting on a hand no oe else can beat. That is, until a mysterious new player blows into town, hot on her lofty ambitions.
Agatha: Yes, yes. Do they fight? Do they fall in love?
Jarvis: No, they'll dance. With dozens of backup dancers on each side. And we'll lift the lighting rig so the sets can be threee times as tall.
Howard and Agatha: Yes!
Jarvis: Wait. No. No, no.
Howard: Jarvis! It's about time you caught the creative bug.
Jarvis: I wasn't--
Howard: That is just genius.
Jarvis: It's a disaster.
Howard: Who we thinking? Bogie? Gable? Cary Grant does owe me a favor.
Agatha: No, no, there's only one actor on Earth who can complete our picture. I thought I could do it without hi, but now I see. I need him. Kingo.
Watcher: Time. Space. Reality. It's more than a linear path. It's a prism of endless possibility. Where a single choice can branch out into infinite realities, creating alternate worlds from the ones you know. I am the Watcher. I am your guide through these vast new realities. Follow me and ponder the question... "What if?"
The scene changes to the Eternal member, Kingo, entering by car to Stark Pictures.
Jarvis: Mr. Kingo. I'm Edwin Jarvis, Mr. Stark's personal butler and second AD. Weclome to Stark Pictures.
Kingo: [looks around] Wow! And I thought we did things over-the-top in Bollywood.
Jarvis: I've always been partial to the axiom that "less is more." But for Mr. Stark--
Howard: [comes in] More is just the opening offer. Kingo, it's an honor t have you onboard. Now, this number we've put together is off the chart. Literally. I've got enough dancer in there to light us a Richter scale. You ready to cross steps with our leading lady?
Kingo: Howard, something tells me this is a part I was born to play.
Howard: [laughs] The lights are hot, cameras loaded, and safeties removed from all our pyrotechnics!
Jarvis: What? I'm sorry, what?
Howard: Is there anything you need?
Kingo: I'm more than ready.
Howard: How about the choreography? Was it up to snuff?
Kingo: Yes. The moves are great, but I assume there's room for a little improvisation?
Howard: Absolutely! Absolutely! Kingo, I'll be honest with you. This one's gnna be a doozy. A real barn burner. The biggest scene ever captured on celluloid.
Kingo: Don't worry, Howard. I've been preparing for our showdown for quite some time.
They soon got to shooting the set.
Howard: [on old megaphone] Okay, people! This is it. Our big musical number. I want glitz. I want glamour. I want emotion! I want commotion! I want you to wow me with your razzle-dazzle. I want Busby Berkeley to see this and contemplate becoming a realtor! Lights! Camera! And... [quietly] action!
The shot soon begun! It has Kingo and Agatha having a dance off with their teams! After a while, Kingo started to attack Agatha!
Agatha: [dodges Kingo's attacks]
Jarvis: Oh, that's not in the script. Is that in the script? Are these blue pages?
Howard: Shush, Jarvis! It's great! Keep shooting!
Agatha: Uh, I'm sorry. Your powers are "finger pistols"?
Kingo: Okay. No. I fire energy. Projections.
Agatha: Ah, right. From your fingers. Pew! Pew! [chuckles]
Kingo: [as dancers does finger bangs] Okay. No-- Stop with your hands. Stop! Listen, these powers are cool. A lot of people think these powers are very cool. [shots powers at Agatha]
That's when Agatha blocks the attack with something else.
Kingo: [realises] What? Those powers are Thena's!
Agatha: And Makkari's and Gilgamesh's and everyone else's.
The two soon started to fight, with Agatha using the Eternal's powers! The fight ended with Agatha pinning Kingo down!
Howard: And... cut! Wowza! That chemistry was hotter than the Hindenburg! I really believed you two wanted to kill each other.
Kingo: Oh! [chuckles]No, no, no. We're just acting. Totally just acting. Both of us just acting so hard right now.
Agatha: Oh, really? I'd say one of us is acting really bad right now.
Howard: This calls for a celebration! After-party! My place! Jarvis, give 'em the deets.
Jarvis: Fine. Top of the hill, everyone. Just above the Hollywoodland sign. It's the house that will make you question the decency of capitalism.
Soon, everyone left, leaving Agatha and Kingo alone.
Kingo: If you mean to kill me, be forewarned. I know several heart-wrenching, dying monologues, and I will regale you with the.
Agatha: Oh, Kingo. You've pegged me as the villain of this picture, but you've got it all wrong. I'm the hero.
Kingo: You killed my friends, stole their powers.
Agatha: Relax. I didn't kill anyone. I "borrowed" their powers. I assyre you, your friends are all safe and sound in storage. The backlot has a creatur shop. They blend right in. Even that "Shazam" rip off didn't stand a chance. [chuckles]
Kingo: Agatha, release them.
Agatha: Swear on the Oscar I plan to win, I will. Once I have saved my world from that Third Act surprise you've got brewing in the center of the Earth. But... [sighs] And this is the hard part. I can't do it without you, Kingo. I need your energy to complete my spell, to save everything I know and love.
Kingo: Arishem made me the new Prime Eternal. I need to protect Tiamut and the billions of live his Emergence will create.
Agatha: Sorry, scout, but I can see you reaching. There's no way Arishem won you over with some golden ball and top billing on a doomed planet. You aren't like the other Eternals.
Kingo: And what makes you say that?
Agatha: Because you haven't just lived among humanity, you have lived as them. [shows Kingo the movies he's been in] Seeing the beauty, telling their stories showing them who they really are as only an actor can.
Kingo: Oh, that is true. Acting is the most noble profession on Earth. But do you really expect me to betray Arishem? Forsake a mission I've dedicated eons to? Never going to happen. Never.
Agatha: I can get Howard to offer you a three-picture deal.
Kingo: Okay, I'll do it.
Agatha: Oh. I guess I should've led with that.
Kingo: But I'm gonna need full green light approval, and my own shingle on the lot. Ooh. Plus, I've been looking to transition into indulgent, art house fair. You know, no plot. Abrupt, arbitrary cuts. Cut! Me staring into camera with no expression on my face.
Agatha: That last one sounds like a nightmare. But for the literal sake of the world, I guess I'll allow it.
Kingo: And you have to bring back my friends.
Agatha: Very well. Let's get this show on the road.
When they gave themselves a handshake, Arishem connect to Kingo and the two are hearing his warning.
Arishem: Did you think I would not see your failure? You have chosen your side. And now, you will die on it. [ends message]
Kingo: [exhales sharply] Arishem is coming. It would take the power of another Celestial to stop him.
Agatha: Another Celestial. [laughs] Fasten your seat belt, honey. It's time for my makeover.
The two then goes to Howard's place to explain their plan.
Howard: Jarvis, this night's shaping up to be an instant classic.
Jarvis: Yes. I suppose if the relevent metric is "property damage."
Agatha: [she and Kingo barge in] Howard! Hi. You're still conscious. Can we chat?
Howard: Aggie! Kingo! About time! Jarvis, bust out the grappa!
Kingo: Sorry, Howard. No time for digestifs. Still, maybe pour it anyway, though. We had a bout of creative inspiration.
Howard: Is that some kinda euphemism? Are you two a thing now?
Kingo and Agatha: Sorry. Not my type.
Agatha: But we do have chemistry. And with Kingo's help, we've finally cracked the Third Act set piece.
Howard: Amazing! I'll check out the pages first thing--
Kingo: No, no, no. We can't risk sitting on these creative juices. We gotta shoot this finale--
Jarvis: Impossible. When Ms. Harkness opted to rewrite the Third Act, for the sixth time, I might add, we broke down the sets.
Howard: "Broke down the--" What are you talking about?
Agatha: Ugh, damn it! You've no idea how many runes I had to paint by hand on those sets.
Kingo: Come on. Think, think, think. There's gotta be a cursed swamp, a haunted house, something we can use.
Agatha: Bingo, baby! Griffin Observatory. It should be big enough for all the runes. We can shoot the finale there!
Jarvis: And with what dark magic do you expect me to pull permits at this hour?
Howard: For that kind of production value, I'll buy the joint. Load up the limo, Jarvis! We're doin' a company move!
Kingo: Actually, let's take our ride.
That's when Kingo's space ship appeared.
Howard: Oh, my... An alien spaceship. I gotta hand it to you, Aggie. You had me fooled. I thought you were a witch.
Agatha: Yes. But he's the space alien.
Jarvis: Wait. What?
Kingo: Technically, I'm more of a space robot.
Jarvis: You are?
Howard: [laughs]
Agatha: Howard, you knew?
Jarvis: You knew?
Howard: I'm Howard Stark! I'm the smartest person on Earth. Of course, I knew. I also knew I'd save a hell of a lot of money on special effects using actual magic. Look, everyone in this town has a secret. It's what makes it interesting. So, whatever's about to go down, I'm here for you. Just let me film it. But once we save the day, I want a look under your hood. I am sensing major patent potential.
Kingo: Okay, y'all. Let's do it.
Meanwhile, in space, Arishem is heading towards Earth, while the Watcher watch this. Back to the four, they were at the Observatory getting the set all ready.
Howard: Okay. We've got five cameras set up for maximum coverage. "A" Camera's gonna be trained on Agatha.
Kingo: Um, I think you're gonna wanna swap out the lens for something... wider.
Agatha: Jarvis! [sighs] Jarvis. Jarvis, please. The line needs to be more confident. This also needs a little touch-up, okay? Lean into the room's energy.
Jarvis: If you'll forgive me, Ms. Harkness. We didn't do a lot of occult rituals whan I trained at Balmoral.
Agatha: Hey, sassy, I suggested we bring in the sec dec team, but you said we couldn't afford the overages. So, now we're here with your lame energy.
Howard: [looks up at the sky] Aggie? Is that part of the opening act?
Turns out, Arishem was approaching Earth!
Kingo: Arishem.
Agatha: Okay. Then, places, people! It's showtime.
They soon got to shooting the set.
Agatha: [speaking Latin]
Kingo: [as he's being hanged] Not gonna lie, getting some ritual sacrifice vibes here.
Howard: [gets camera close to Kingo] You look great. Chin up! Chin up! That's it. And start making space for that Oscar.
Agatha: From the stars in the sky to the depths of the Earth. Let the power of creation bring forth my rebirth!
After saying that, Kingo's powers transport to Agatha, giving her what she needs!
Agatha: [pants] Finally, your power will be mine! [blast the ground]
Soon, Agatha absorbs the powers of the Celestial Tiamut! When she did, she transforms into a colossal purple Celestial!
Howard: Oh, she is beautiful. Are you getting this?
Jarvis: This is the greatest footage ever shot!
Howard: This is gold!
Celestial Agatha: The power, it's... everything.
Suddendly, Arishem appears behind Agatha!
Kingo: It's him. He's here.
Arishem: It must feel strange for such a primitive being to suddenly possess a power so cosmic.
Celestial Agatha: Oh, honey, cosmic is just my size. Haven't you seen the marquee? I'm a star.
Arishem: You are a heretic, Agatha Harkness. And you will be judge as such.
Celstial Agatha: Oh, yeah? Judge this. [punches Arishem] Boom!
Soon, the two started to fight, while Howard and Jarvis was shooting the fight! But after a while, Agatha was losing!
Arishem: A Celestial creates life. It does not glorify its own existence.
That's when Agatha blast against Arishem, but missed.
Arishem: When will you see? You will always be too human to wield such power.
Celestial Agatha: Oh, that's cute. You think I'm missed? Truth is, I was just getting you to hit your mark.
Turns out, she was hitting behind Arishem and create the antichrist star behind and trapping him!
Arishem: What? How did you?
Celestial Agatha: It's called acting, love. And I'm afraid you are the next character I'm gonna become.
That's when Agatha absorbs Arishem's powers!
Howard: Humdinger. That's a showstopper.
Kingo: Eddie, tell me you were in focus.
Jarvis: Yes, I think we've got it.
Howard: [laughs] The angels!
Kingo: Performance of a lifetime, Agatha. I think that's a wrap.
Celestial Agatha: Oh, Kingo. The show's not over yet.
Kingo: Agatha, what are you doing?
Celestial Agatha: With this power? Anything I damn well please.
Jarvis: But I thought...
Celestial Agatha: That I wanted to save the world from the Emergence? Please. I played the reluctant hero for a hot minute toget what I needed. You.
Kingo: [gasps]
Celestial Agatha: Now, kneel before me.
Jarvis: Yes, my queen. [kneels]
Howard: Oh, yes! Savin' the big twist for the Third Act reel!
Kingo: Howard, take it seriously. With her magic and now the power of two Celestials, she can destroy the whole world and remake it however she wants.
Jarvis: Surely, you've worked with difficult actors before. There must be a way to get through to her.
Kingo: I mean, all actors are difficult. We're all sensitive 'cause we're opening up our souls, so they-- Jarvis, you're a genius. [goes up to Agatha] Agatha, stop.
Celestial Agatha: I would have thought you'd have realized by now I'm not an actress who likes to take direction! Now, kneel before me.
Kingo: This isn't you.
Celestial Agatha: You don't know me.
Kingo: Of course, I do. Because you're just like me, and everyone else who came to this stupid town. At some point, somewhere in our lives, the world made us feel small, so we set out to show them. But, Agatha, you never needed all this power. Because you've always had the only magic you'd ever really needed to leave your mark on the world.
Celestial Agatha: Uh-huh, uh-huh. And what magic is that?
Kingo: The movies. The movies are magic, Agatha. Hell, they're better than magic. Because they change the world by changing people. By making them feel something real. And with that kind of power, you don't have to be feared. Because you can be adored.
Celestial Agatha: You can't possibily understand how long I've worked for this.
Kingo: Well, I've been on Earth for thousand of years, so I kinda do. And if you're anything like me, maybe all this time, you've just been looking for the right collaborator. So, what do you say? Wanna change the world? For real?
Soon, Agatha accepted Kingo offer. A few weeks later, the was at Hollywood's Chinese Theatre.
Reporter #1: Reporting live from Hollywood, where there's more stars on the red carpet than there are in the sky.
Photographer: Over here. One more!
Reporter #2: Mr. Stark! Mr. Stark! The trades are predicting a blockbuster. What will it mean for your weapons biz?
Howard: Wars, my friend, are the thing of the past. Cinema is the future.
Agatha: Kingo and I, we wanted to make a movie that would, well... change the world. And I think we did.
Kingo: Some sparks flew, that's for sure.
Agatha: [laughs heartily] Now, just wait for the sequel.
Kingo: [quietly to Agatha] That sequel could come sooner than you think. Since you revived them, Ajak and the other Eternals are pretty concerned that killing Arishem has probably drawn the Celestials' attention.
Agatha: Hah! Too bad for them. We thrive on attention.
Kingo: [chuckles nervously] Yeah, but this is the bad kind of attention.
Agatha: Oh, darling, we can save that for the sequel. [chuckles softly] [sees poster] Oh, my God! It looks so gorgeous! This is so beautiful!
Watcher: Everyone has a story worth telling. Even two lost souls on the wrong path. But sometimes, all it takes is a trip to the movies to remind you that anything is possible. Even a happy ending. [sees other Celestials coming] Then again, who doesn't love a cliffhanger?
End