When Anicka opened her eyes the next morning she found the room spinning and her stomach heaving. She ran out the bedroom door, almost knocking her mother over in her hurry to get to the bathroom. She had just enough time to kneel in front of the toilet and empty her stomach of its contents.
"Are you all right, mija?" asked her mother.
"No, I'm not, I'm pregnant," she wailed.
She had just found out, she was going to share her happy news with her husband but was glad now that she hadn't been able to say a word. In all honesty, this had gone from good news to bad, there was no way she was going to let him know. With all the trauma he had caused, she still might miscarry. She didn't know if she was capable of making a road trip pregnant, but she was going to try.
Right now she hated this baby, hated it because it reminded her of him. There was no way she'd ever be able to look at this child with love, only a grim reminder of what its father had done to her.
"I'm pregnant, Mom, and I don't know what to do. No one knows but you and me. They offered to give me a pregnancy test at the ER but I told them I just started my period. I can't risk him finding out, he'd try to get full custody, just to spite me."
"Well, I'm going to bring you some breakfast, mija, and I want you to eat. Take a bath, you'll feel better. Ramon is coming over with some papers for you to sign, and some things to take with your when you leave. Antonio came and got the truck last night and it should be ready to go in a week." She kissed her daughter's head, "You're a strong girl, you'll be okay. I just hate to see you leave, I wish I could go with you."
Ramon showed up at lunch time with his brief case stuffed full. He laid documents out one by one. "This is the order of protection, you don't need to sign it. Since you were married such a short time and were a victim of domestic violence, I am filing for an annulment. There's no marital property involved so this makes it easier. Sign it here, here, and here, and initial it."
She realized what this meant, it was like she was never married at all. He no longer existed in her life and he never would.
He then pulled out more papers and two small phones. "These are burner phones," he explained, "Ma will be worried but don't call until you're past Oklahoma, then toss it in the trash at someplace like a gas station or a Seven-Eleven. Use the other phone to call Mom just before you get to Montana, then toss it."
"This," he said, is your new birth certificate, your name is now Amy Perez. I got a friend to make a passport and a driver's license for you, there is also a Social Security card with your new name. Keep these safe, don't show them to anyone unless you have to. Get a little lock box to keep them in."
"What about my clothes, my shoes, my books, and my laptop?" she asked.
"Maria and Chela are over there right now. They didn't have to break in, he hasn't changed the locks yet, but he will. Maria has a friend who has a half-grown German shepherd puppy that she can't keep. She's half trained, but she's a good girl, you won't need to make the trip alone. Mom's going to keep your cat and will save a couple of kittens for you—if you can come back."
"And one more thing," he reached again into his brief case and laid a "Forty-five" on the bed. "I know you don't like guns, but Dad taught us to shoot. I'd rather you kill him than have him kill you. Hopefully he won't try to find you. We need to get you as far away from here as we can, just in case. You might want to change your appearance and dye your hair black."
"Thank you, Ramon, thank you for all you've done. I'm worried about what he might try to do to me, so I'm laying low. I'm going to miss 'mi familia', our little Mexican mafia. I think I might want to try to find out who killed Benito, and I can't if I stay here."
Chela and Maria returned that afternoon with her stuff. "You can't take all of this with you," said Chela, "Take a few favorite books, your feminine necessities, and some clothes. You'll have to buy some warm stuff for the winter, I'd do it in Wyoming if I were you. Maddie is bringing the puppy over tomorrow so the two of you can get acquainted before you leave."
Maria sat next to her and took her hand, "Mom is really worried, we all are, but you won't be safe if you stay here. When you get where you're going get a cell phone with your new info, then it will be safe for you to call us. Remember, we're only phone call away. We can get the next available flight and be there anytime you need us."
Maddie brought over the puppy the next day, clearly sad to have to give her up. "You can face time with her," Anicka tried to cheer her up, "I'll send you lots of pictures. It was hard for me to give up my cat, she's about to have kittens."
Maddie gave her a hug, "She'll take care of you, I promise. It'll be hard for her at first, we really bonded, but she's a love and she'll grow to love you. Maybe someday you can come back to Texas, and it will be just like before."
No, thought Anicka, it will never be like it was before. I never dreamed I would marry a man who would hit me. I'm not the same person now, he destroyed a part of me I'll never get back.
The next afternoon the truck was finished. Her father had always taken good care of it, so there hadn't been much to fix. Antonio made sure that everything was in good working order.
"Come on," he said to her, "Let's take it for a drive, I want to make sure that you can still drive a manual."
"I learned to drive in this truck and drove it a lot when I was a teenager." She grew solemn and tears formed in her eyes, "At least I'll get to take a little of him with me when I go," she said, "I'm glad I get to use it, it was just sitting in the garage."
"I always liked your old man," said Antonio, "He was a good guy, always willing to help, you can't say that about a lot of people. If he were alive he'd have killed the guy, you know?"
"Is that what Ramon is planning to do?" she asked, "He's being very mysterious about all this."
"Look, your brother is a smart guy. He worked too hard to get his law degree to lose it. You have a lot of friends, Anicka, he's going to find himself in a lot of trouble if he even tries to bother your family." He looked at the bruises on her face. "He's not going to be forgiven for what he did to you. I always wondered why you married an Anglo, but now he's going to find out what happens when he messes with one of us."
Two weeks and although her face wasn't clear it had healed. Fortunately he didn't leave her with any scars and now she could go without makeup if she wanted.
She and the puppy had gotten used to each other and would cuddle together. Her cat was finding it hard to jump on her bed now, so she'd lift her up and place her next to her pillow. The puppy would jump up and sleep near her feet, but in the morning they would both be piled on top of her.
Maria had gotten her some AAA maps and books that listed hotels and motels. She decided to get out of Texas as quickly as she could, then follow a gently meandering path north. She had two suitcases packed, one of hot weather clothes, then one for warm garments she'd add to.
There were food and supper dishes for the puppy, along with a bed she'd sometime sleep on. All was prepared, all was ready, but the night before she was due to leave she had a panic attack.
Ramon and her sisters with there. Her mom told her sternly to calm down, what she was feeling was natural. By the way, she'd had to get a new phone because her ex had taken to calling and calling and making threats. Each call had been reported and turned over to the police, but mija, it was more important than ever that you leave.
"What are you going to do, mija?" and Anicka knew what she meant.
"I can't have this baby, mom, I can't afford to be a single mother. If he finds out I'm pregnant he'll come after me, and try to take it away. Besides, knowing what he did to me, I can't stand the thought of having his baby now. I'm going to wait until I find a good man, a really good one, and then I'll have babies."
Her mother nodded, understanding. Had she not watched her own mother get beaten by her father? She had promised herself she would marry a good man, and she did. Now, he was gone and she missed him every day.
She decided to wait until it got dark before she left. She kissed her mother and her sisters goodbye. Ramon was out of town, but he had done all that he could do for her. Now it was up to her, he'd told her.
She climbed into the truck and shut the door. The puppy sat on the seat next to her, wagging her tail, then gave a little puppy bark before she curled up on the seat and settled down to go to sleep..
She turned the key in the ignition, listened for a moment as the engine purred, then backed her father's truck out of the driveway and headed for the highway.
She had not imagined it would be so busy at night, but the number of cars made her feel safe. Ramon had told her how to know if someone was following her.
"It won't be the car immediately behind you, or maybe even the car behind them. Usually it will be one or two cars behind you. If you notice that you are seeing the same car on the same road, try making a sudden left turn, if it's safe. Don't think about it too much, he probably won't try anything. You can leave Texas, he can't, he has a job he probably doesn't want to lose. I'll have someone keep an eye on him for you. If I think there is anything to worry about, I'll tell you."
The puppy was getting restless, and so was she for that matter. She was having to go to the bathroom more often and her back was hurting from when she had landed so hard on the floor. She saw a rest area sign and pulled in. The puppy's leash was in the glove compartment and she took it out and snapped it on her collar.
Stretching her legs felt good and when the puppy started to run she ran with her. She looked up at the stars and suddenly felt free.
She had heard about domestic abuse, but never imagined it would happen to her. There were women who put up with it, her grandmother had, but her mother had warned her daughters to not let a man hit them. She was glad she had walked out, if she ever had a daughter, she would tell them what had happened to her.
People were walking around the rest area. Some, like her, were walking dogs but many were just stretching their legs. This time of year the temperature dropped at night, making it more bearable.
What would it be like in Montana? She wondered.