Ending 2 of 2- this one makes my chest ache, you have been warned, And thus concludes the rewrite- quite a few thousand more than the original! I have loved finessing and adding to it, now onto the next!
Her arm's flailed, trying desperately to gain purchase, to stop the inevitable fall. Over the pounding of her heart she could hear screaming and shouting, from above her, getting quieter seemingly.
Her mind flashed through her life, finally resting on the smiling, chubby face of her son, her son with Callum. Time seemed to stop as her mind paused on Callum's face. He was her everything. Without him, she wouldn't have made it through Dan's constant abuse. Without him, she wouldn't have her beautiful second born son. Without him, she wouldn't have anything. A sob wrenched out of her as she realised that the last time she had seen Callum, she had pushed away his embrace, foolishly thinking she would be able to embrace him later. But life was funny like that.
I am not the only traveler
Who has not repaid his debt
Callum's heart, and those of everyone around him, seemed to stop as Jess tumbled backwards over the balcony, her arms a windmill, whipping the air around her.
"JESS!" he yelled, dashing for the stairs, running as if his whole life depended on it. And it did. Jess was his whole life.
He had never wanted a wife, never wanted children, and then she came along and blew all those thoughts away. As soon as he had seen her, he knew that she was the One. He didn't care that she was married, because deep down in his heart, he knew that she was his, his kin. He knew that things would work out and they would end up together, and after a long and hard few years, it had finally happened. And she had borne him a son. A son who looked so much like her, with bits of him secretly slipped in as an afterthought.
He had just rounded the corner, his arms outstretched, ready to pull his wife to safety. He watched, dark brown eyes wide in horror, as her silent screaming face slowly turned into a smile as she saw him, dropping from view.
I've been searching for a trail to follow again
Take me back to the night we met
Thank God. She had seen him one last time. That was all she had wanted, just so that she could bury that in her mind, to make her feel less afraid. She ignored what she had seen in those eyes that had been the path of her salvation; she didn't want to think that she was the one causing his pain, she just couldn't bear it.
Her mind went surprisingly blank as she fell past the five remaining floors, her demeanour becoming calm. She saw him stretching down over the balcony, trying to reach her, shouting her name. She brought her left arm up, engagement ring twinkling in the light, looking into his eyes, trying to assure him that he would be just fine. One last smile for him, and then peace.
And then I can tell myself
What the hell I'm supposed to do
He ran to the balcony, stretching his arms down as far as possible, but he wasn't quick enough. She was out of his grasp now, gone. His beautiful Jess. He looked away with a cry as she hit the cold, marble floor, a resounding thud echoing through the silence. He could hear screams and sobs above him, could hear Beth and Sally shouting and screaming. He looked up, seeing them pressed against the glass panels of the balcony above, their hands pushing on the glass, their faces fogged by their tears. He slid down the glass barrier, his eyes wide in shock and disbelief.
This couldn't be happening. That didn't just happen, it wasn't possible. Tears made their silent way down his face, his expression remaining impassive. And then it hit him like a great train. That was it. His life was done, over, had ended that moment she had hit that floor.
And then I can tell myself
Not to ride along with you
"MUMMY!" Luke screamed, barrelling into Jess' legs. She scooped him up and whirled him round, pressing kisses to his forehead. He laughed, the sound making Jess' heart expand, her mind skipping back to Jamie's first laugh a few months ago. She held her firstborn so tight, inhaling that smell that was pure Luke; freshly cut grass, the cold bite of the wind, sun cream.
"My boy, my son." she murmured into his dark hair.
"Jess, love." a soft voice came from behind her. She turned slowly, walking into her father's embrace. "What did you do, eh?"
"I had to do it dad. You saw what he did to my family, to me. I couldn't let it slide." Jess said quietly, Luke nestled between them like a secret.
"But look at what you lost. You had so much life left in you sweetheart." Robert said gently, kissing her forehead, as she had just done with Luke. "I'll go and get Ellie; I didn't want her to meet you so soon. I was hoping you would be so much older."
"I'm sorry dad." she cried, burrowing her head into her father's shoulder.
"It's ok love, it's going to be ok. It'll take a while to get used to, but you can see Callum and Jamie when you like, show them that you're still with them, that you'll always love them." Robert whispered. It was at that moment when she realised. And then it hit her like a great train. That was it. Her life was done, over, had ended that moment she had hit that floor.
I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you
Take me back to the night we met
Callum slowly got to his feet, fearing that they wouldn't support his weight. He grasped the railing so hard his knuckles went white. He took a deep breath and looked over the balcony, nearly retching at the site below him. Jess, her beautiful blonde hair fanned around her head like a halo, was lying as still as the marble that she was on. Her hair was starting to matt together with the blood seeping from her head, colouring it a dark red. Her eyes were open, seemingly staring right at him, those green eyes which had enticed him in from the moment she had caught his gaze. The green which was once the colour of emeralds now dulled to the murky green of a pond.
A small smile was still etched on her face, especially for him. He knew that in her last seconds she wanted him to know that he would be ok, that he would be able to get past this. But he knew better than her. He would never, ever, recover from this. For as long as he lived, which he prayed wasn't much longer without her, he would never be ok. He slowly made his way to the stairs, listening to people shouting for him, hearing footsteps behind him.
"Callum, come on." Gina said softly, grasping the bigger man's arm. He shook it off, shaking his head.
"I have to go to her, she can't be alone." he said, his voice quiet, trying to get through his closed throat.
"You shouldn't see her like that." Gina pleaded, trailing him down the stairs.
"She's my wife Gina, I can't leave her alone." he said, as if this was the simplest thing in the world. He finally reached the lobby, Gina right on his feet. He paused as he saw her up close, seeing how the blood had already spread out as far as he could see, until his vision was clouded with red red red. He covered his eyes, before taking a deep breath and walking on.
It took him thirteen steps to reach her. It took him a minute to kneel on the floor beside her. It took him three heartbeats to reach for her, to pull her still warm body into the embrace of his arms. He cradled her like he had seen her cradling Jamie when she was rocking him to sleep. He held her tight to him, so very tight, ignorant of the blood still seeping from her head, soaking through his trousers. He gathered her up closer still, resting his cheek on her forehead, tears streaming down his face. "I've got you Jess, I've got you now, you're safe. Nothing will hurt you ever again, I promise."
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Oh, take me back to the night we met
Her heart was breaking. Luke had wiped at the tears on her face.
"Why're you crying mama? Aren't you happy to see me and granddad, and Ellie too?" Luke has asked her innocently.
She had turned to him, grief evident in her eyes, "Of course I am. I'm so very happy. But being here means I'm dead, do you understand?"
"Of course mama." Luke said with a nod.
"And that means that I can't see Callum anymore, or Jamie." Jess explained tearfully.
"But mama, you can watch them all the time, like I used to watch you, when I wasn't too busy playing with my trucks." he added as an afterthought.
"Remember how sad you were when me and daddy weren't there anymore? Remember how upset and lonely you felt, and how you just wanted to be with us again?" Jess said gently. Luke looked up at her, his eyes a perfect match of hers. "Well that's how I feel now."
"You want to leave me?" he asked, his bottom lip trembling.
"No baby, I never wanted to leave you, not ever, but I've had to leave Callum and Jamie behind, and I don't know if I can bear that."
When the night was full of terrors
And your eyes were filled with tears
He sat with her for nearly an hour, the warmth slowly ebbing out of her. Gina had tried to convince him to come away. Smithy had come forward gingerly, eyes averted from what had once been one of his closest friends. Beth and Sally were too distraught to even look at her, let alone try and convince Callum to leave her to be taken to the morgue. Nothing anyone could say or do could convince him to let go of the shell which had once been his wife.
He took her left hand gently in his, kissing her palm as if leaving a secret there. He ran his thumb over her engagement and wedding ring, remembering their wedding day when they thought they had a long life ahead of them. He memorised every inch of her face, from the light smattering of freckles over her cheeks, to the birthmark in the shape of a strawberry just behind her jaw. He took in the lines fanned out around her eyes, signalling all the love and life and laughter that had been in her short life. His tears dropped slowly onto her face, mixing with her blood, and he looked down for the last time into her smiling eyes, gently pulling her eyelids down. He looked up to the heavens, as if he could see her there already, beaming at him.
When you had not touched me yet
Oh, take me back to the night we met
It was the part of her job she hated, more so than paperwork. She pulled the squad car up smoothly into the driveway of Michelle Hunter's house, grabbing her hat from the passenger seat. It was dark now, the moon a sliver hanging in the sky. She made her way slowly to the front door, knocking three times. It was Andy who answered, taking in the uniformed officer in front of him.
"Can I help you?" he asked her curiously.
"I'm Inspector Gina Gold from Sun Hill. Is your mum in?" she asked.
"Erm yeah, do you want me to get her?" he asked.
"Yes please. Can I come in?" she asked.
"Of course. Living room is on your left. I won't be a minute." he said, standing aside to let her pass. As she walked through the hall and into the living room, there were photos showing the progress of Jess and Andy's lives, and of Luke and Jamie, with a few including Callum. There were photos everywhere, a constant remainder of Michelle's beautiful family. Gina took a heavy seat on the sofa, trying to avoid looking at a large photo on the fireplace of Callum and Jess on their wedding day, his arms wrapped around her, the biggest smiles on their faces. Gina was brought back from her reverie by the arrival of Michelle.
"Inspector Gold? I'm Michelle Hunter. What can I do for you?" Michelle asked, taking a seat opposite her.
"Mrs Hunter, I'm afraid I have some bad news." Gina said gently. She saw Michelle's chin notch up, as if in preparation.
"Is it Jess?" she asked quietly.
Gina nodded, "I'm so sorry, but she died a few hours ago." Michelle's composure shattered, a keening cry wrenched from her heart. Her daughter, her first born child, was dead. Andy ran into the room to see what the noise was about.
"Mum? Are you ok? What's wrong?" he asked her urgently, kneeling in front of his mother, "What did you say to her?"
"Andrew, I'm afraid to say that your sister has died earlier this evening." Gina said as gently as possible, knowing it didn't really matter how she said it, it would still have the same devastating effect.
"You're lying! How can she be dead?" Andy demanded.
"She had gone after a suspect for the incidents involving her and Callum, and there was a fight. While trying to restrain the suspect, she was kicked backwards and fell over a balcony." Gina explained softly.
"Why the hell was she going after the suspect? She's on maternity leave!" Andy shouted.
"Something happened today. Luke and Robert's graves had been vandalised. When Jess heard about it, she left the station. We didn't know where she had gone until Callum suggested that she might have gone after the suspect. We arrived too late." Gina said sadly.
"So you're telling me that my sister is dead because you couldn't do your jobs properly?" Andy said in a dangerously quiet voice.
"Andy, leave her alone, it's not her fault." Michelle said tearfully, raising her head to look at Gina, "Thank you for telling me. Is she...has she been taken away?"
Gina nodded, "She's been taken to the morgue. I just want to say that Jess was one of our best officers. Her ways may have been a bit unorthodox sometimes, but she was well loved and respected among her colleagues and friends. It is the biggest loss to us as a Station, and to me as her boss. It was an absolute privilege to have Jess serving with me."
I had all and then most of you
Some and now none of you
Take me back to the night we met
The funeral was held a week later, in the second week of June on a sunny Sunday. Jess' coffin was draped with the Metropolitan police flag, topped with a spray of white tulips and roses. The coffin was carried into the church by Callum, Smithy, Will and Nate, led by the Superintendent. The small Church was packed, everyone wanting to pay their last respects to the well loved police officer.
It was only a short ceremony, Jess had never been one for long, drawn out ceremonies, and neither had she wanted anyone to wear black. So that was why, even though all the police officers were in dress uniform, they had on brightly coloured armbands. As the coffin was placed on the stand, Callum slowly walked forward, her hat in his shaking hands. He placed it on the head of the coffin, his hand trailing there for a minute, before walking back to the pew to sit beside his sister and mother-in-law, taking Jamie gently from Claire and holding him tight.
He was glad Jamie was too young to understand that his mother had died. He knew that if he didn't have Jamie he would have followed Jess into the dark, but he couldn't do that to his son. He had to stay and make Jamie's life as pain free as possible, and keep the memory of his wife alive so Jamie could get to know her as much as possible.
As the priest began the service, Callum's mind flitted through these past few years they had shared, all too short. They should have had the rest of their lives full of love and laughter, and they should have had more children, a little girl with Jess' curls and inquisitive nature, another son with his boisterous nature and her beautiful eyes. But none of this would come to pass anymore, and that was why Callum was so grief stricken, for the life that could have been.
I don't know what I'm supposed to do
Haunted by the ghost of you
Take me back to the night we met
As she was laid to rest beside Luke and Robert's restored graves, Michelle collapsed onto the warm Earth. She had only Andy left now. Not only was she a widower, but she had lost her only daughter and her first grandson. Life wasn't fair. Andy dropped a bright yellow tulip onto Jess' coffin, his hand tightly encased around Mia's. Too much life had been lost already. As friends and family slowly filtered away from the grave to go back to Michelle's for the wake, Callum remained kneeling at the grave side, Jamie in his pram beside his father. Beth and Sally stood a little way back with Smithy, Nate, Will and Leon, not wanting to intrude.
"Remember the vows you made to me Jess? You said to me that everything that was you, your mind, your soul, your body, would be mine long after our wedding. But where are you now? You've left me, and you left Jamie. How am I meant to go on? I can't do it on my own Jess, not without you. Why did you go?" he sobbed to the freshly turned ground.
His mind took him back to the first day he saw her at the station, where he was immediately drawn to her sparkling eyes and her sassy nature. Then to when he found out about the abuse Dan was putting her through, to the amount of times he found her broken and bleeding. Flash forward to the death of Luke, and her miscarriage. Then finally being able to tell her how he felt, show her how he felt, and to support her through not having her children. He thought back to their first Christmas, Frank's, dating, bonfire night and proposing, the warehouse explosion, their wedding. And Jamie. Their son. It was all he had left, memories. It would never be enough.
Jamie began to cry next to him, but he didn't notice. He didn't notice anything anymore. Sally stepped forward, pushing the pram back to where the others were stood. She slowly unclasped him from the confines of his pram, tears streaming down her face as Jamie stopped crying and beamed at her. She held him tight, seeing pieces of Jess in his features, rocking him back and forth, watching as his father went to pieces at the grave of his mother.
Take me back, to the night we met
Jess watched him closely, never taking her eyes off him. She would protect them both for the rest of their lives. Nothing bad would ever happen to them again. She longed to wrap her arms around the shaking form that was her husband. She longed to pepper her son's smiling face with kisses. She longed to reassure her friends that she was ok, and that they would be too. But she couldn't. So that night, as Callum fell into a fitful sleep, she visited him in his dreams.
"Hey honey." she said softly, wrapping her arms around him.
"Jess? Is that you?" he asked her in disbelief.
"Yes it is." she said with a smile, kissing him gently.
"Is this real?" he asked in wonder.
"You're dreaming, but yes, I am really here. I just...I wanted to apologise." she said sadly.
"What for?" he asked, grasping at her, taking in every inch of her.
"Leaving you." she said with a sad, crooked smile. He buried his face into her chest, clinging to her. She rubbed his back soothingly, resting her cheek on his head, "I don't know why I didn't just take my own advice and stay away from Cheung, and let the system get him. I was selfish and stupid, and I paid for it with my life. But that's not the worst thing Callum. The worst thing is leaving you and Jamie. I can't bear to be apart from you."
"Then come back. Come back to us." Callum begged; hope glimmering in his beautiful brown eyes.
"I can't. I want it more than anything. But I'm dead, and that can't be changed." she said with a sad smile.
"Then, every night when I go to sleep, come to me, we can have this time." Callum pleaded.
She shook her head, "No honey, because then you'll live for the night when you sleep. I'm not going to let you do that. You need to grieve for me, yes, but you need to move on eventually. Otherwise you'll suffer, and Jamie will suffer."
"But I love you!" he cried, as if it was the only truth in the world.
"I know you do honey, and I've never loved another as much as I have loved you, and I will continue to love you forever. But please Callum, please, for me you have to slowly let me go." Jess said gently.
"I don't think I can." he said, scared.
"Of course you can!" she said, cupping his cheek, "You're the strongest person I know, and the bravest, and maybe the stupidest."
"Granted." he said with a small laugh.
"But just remember this. I'll be there in the whispering of the trees. I'll be there in the stars. I'll be there always." she promised.
"I don't know if I have the strength to raise Jamie on my own." Callum confessed, looking down. Jess slowly lifted his gaze to meet hers.
"You can do it. Claire will help you, and my mum, and of course Will and Sally and all our friends. I believe in you." she said with a smile, kissing him again, cherishing this bittersweet moment.
"Ok, if you say I can do it, then I will. I love you Jessica Grace Stone, forever and always." Callum said, his voice strong, belying the tears dripping down his face.
"And I love you, my beautiful, handsome Callum Stone. I'm forever yours."
Song: The Night We Met - Lord Huron