Hermione spent the rest of the evening in the library with her friends. She didn't want to hide away in her dorm. And she didn't want to be alone with Ron yet. She had been on her way to tell him about kissing malfoy, and telling him after the kidnapping seemed like adding trauma to both of them unnecessarily. But she knew if she was alone with him she would feel too guilty and would tell him. So she asked him and Harry to just study with her. And so they did.
Ginny joined them just before dinner saying that the slytherins were planning another party, this time in the room of requirement. Hermione shared an alarmed look with the boys but they all said nothing. Shortly after, word got around that the party had been postponed, time and location pending. She wondered if Malfoy had anything to do with that. If it had been the location, or the afternoons events that had him unwilling to participate.
She didn't see him again that day. Not even at dinner. She spent a quiet evening in the common room with her friends until night fell and she retired early. She assured Ron that she was truly ok, again, and kissed him goodnight, telling him she'd meet him in the morning to go down to breakfast together.
As she lay in bed, falling asleep, she replayed the day's events in her mind. It had been wild. The quidditch match seemed like it had been ages away, not that very morning. McLaggen had effectively derailed her entire life with that potion. She had been the true intended target all along? What was it he'd said, something about his uncle? And his political career? What the hell did she have to do with any of that?
She sighed, turning in bed and looking up at the ceiling. She closed her eyes and rubbed her temples with her fingers. She didn't want to waste energy on this. The details would be provided to her after his interrogation. The aurors warned she might be asked to testify in a hearing but in cases of sexual assault, victims wouldn't be forced to participate. Their initial statements would be enough. And the fact that it had been an ongoing investigation and not merely a one time accusation also improved the validity of their previous statements. But she and Malfoy, as victims, would be entitled to the entire case file.
So, instead of spending any more time and energy speculating about McLaggen, Hermione turned her thoughts to Malfoy. Their shared morning. The library. He'd been furious with her, that she hadn't come to meet him after lunch. He hadn't said so during his statement to the aurors, but he said he'd been on his way to gryffindor tower to look for her. And the timeline, she knew, had been right after he'd met with Ron and Harry after lunch.
So after meeting with the boys, he'd come straight up to the tower to talk to her. He'd told her to come meet him alone and she hadn't come at all. He was the one who'd first noticed she was gone. It had to have been very shortly after she and McLaggen had turned the corner in the corridor, just out of sight.
She'd seen Harry and Ron share a look when they each told the aurors how they found her. She knew they'd used the map. And for some reason, Malfoy corroborated their story. He'd been the one to do all the wand work. Harry had been disgusted to see McLaggen, Ron had been furious. But Malfoy had stood there with his wand pointed at McLaggen with a wrath and hostility she'd never seen on him before. She had no doubt that if this had been before the end of the war, he would have murdered him.
She called out to him using his first name, hoping it would catch his notice. Remind him why killing was a bad idea. It had worked, broke his trance. She had wanted to hold him. Not Ron. She'd wanted to wrap her arms around Malfoy. Assure him she was ok. Thank him for getting there in time. The significance of that was not lost on her. But with Ron there, she wouldn't.
She wondered where he'd gone, afterward. What he'd done to cope with the aftermath of it all. Had he ever told any of his friends what had been going on? Why hadn't he been at dinner?
She finally fell asleep thinking about her very unlikely rescuer. When she woke up the next morning she felt that horrible guilt and shame compound again, that it hadn't been Ron that she'd fallen asleep thinking of. She did not like who she was becoming, an unfaithful traitorous woman. She abhorred everything about infidelity. And yet she couldn't stop thinking about a different set of lips, a different set of eyes, a different scent. She could die of shame.
She dressed comfortably, denims and her Oxford hoody, messy bun and no makeup. She just didn't care today. It was Sunday. And she had some hard things to deal with today. She would be honest with Ronald about the kissing she had done with Malfoy and let him decide how they should proceed. She had a feeling he would take it hard.
She loved Ron. She didn't want to throw away what they had. He was a wonderful boyfriend, they'd shared so much together. So many memories. So much life. And she'd disrespected all of that so awfully. He deserved to know, and he deserved the opportunity and space to respond how he chose to. She intended to make it right however she could.
Her heart ached with the weight of the impending conversation as she descended the steps to the common room. She waited only a few more moments until he came down too.
"Morning." He kissed her gently, looking at her closely. "How are you?"
Her heart was pounding with dread. "We should talk, now I think." She said quietly. She took his hand and led him out through the portrait hole and down the corridor a short way. She then found an empty classroom and shut and locked the door.
Ron watched her with concern. "What is it?"
She sighed, "yesterday, I was on my way to tell you this when McLaggen took me and then I didn't want to talk about it after. But I don't want to keep it from you any longer." She took a shuddering breath and forced herself to meet his eyes.
"After the dosing before the quidditch match, after Malfoy took the antidote, I kissed him. A lot." She bit her cheek hard to try and stop herself from crying as she watched the emotions play out across Ron's face, he'd frozen in place, staring at her shoulder instead of at her.
"I'm so sorry." She continued, barely reigning in her own emotions. "I'm so sorry for hurting you and for disrespecting our relationship by doing that. And for taking so long to tell you." She gasped as the tears poured down her face now, "I don't know what I was thinking or why I did it. And I'm so so sorry."
He closed his eyes, breathing deeply. His lip trembled just once before he clenched his jaw to stop it. The pain flitting across his face as he tried not to react, tore her heart to pieces. She reached for his arm but he jerked away at her touch. She curled in on herself. She deserved this.
Finally he took a breath and spoke. "Do you want him now? Even without a love potion?"
She shook her head quickly but choked up when she tried to say no. After thinking about him all night, she couldn't honestly tell Ron no. And she wouldn't lie to him. But it would kill him to tell him the truth. "I don't know what it was. I don't know why I did it. I don't know what I truly feel. The potion screwed everything up. I love you. I love being with you. I love what we have. I never intended to let someone else come between us. I'm so sorry for doing this to you."
"How long?" He stopped her rambling. He recognized the non-answer for what it was. "How long did you kiss him? How long and what exactly does a lot mean?"
"I..." she couldn't tell him. She couldn't. "I don't know. Maybe a few minutes. We were on his broomstick still..." she struggled to even get that much out.
"So when he gave you his game winning snitch, it was after you had kissed him deliberately. And when he decked me outside the library and told me I could have you back when he was through, you'd already kissed him. And when he almost murdered McLaggen and you called him by his first name and thanked him for saving you, you'd already kissed him." His lip curled in disgust as he replayed the events of the day in his head.
"What did he do to you outside of the library?" Hermione sniffed, momentarily distracted by the new information.
Ron laughed once angrily. "He told me he could get you to open your legs for him without needing you to love him. And I tried to hit him for it but he dodged it and hit me instead and told me not to worry, I could have you back when he was done." He turned, huffing out another ironic laugh "and you'd already kissed him!" He shouted and shoved over a desk violently.
Hermione jumped a bit, startled by the outburst, but stayed in place. She deserved this. And Ron deserved to process.
"Please leave." He hunched over another desk, turned away from her, trying to control his anger.
"Ron, I'm..." she reached out for him.
"Go, Hermione! Please leave, now!" He shouted at her but wouldn't turn and look at her.
"Ok," she whispered. "Please come talk to me when you're ready. Please. I'm so sorry." She unlocked the door and looked back at him one more time. He didn't turn to her, his shoulders trembled and he lifted a hand to his face as she let the door shut.
She ran straight back up to her room, sobbing uncontrollably. She ignored everyone she passed. She didn't care what rumors would be spread this time. The only thing that mattered was Ron and how badly she had hurt him. She drew the curtains on her bed and silenced it, and ugly cried for the rest of the morning.
Draco woke to a raging headache. He walked to the loo and vomited into the toilet. He closed the lid and flushed, resting his cheek on the cool porcelain for just a moment. The previous days events came rushing back to him.
"I thought we cancelled the rager, yet here you are, hungover anyways?" Blaise stepped inside the stall next to Draco's, his pungent morning stream wafting under the stall. Draco nearly vomited again.
He walked to the sink and washed his mouth out, splashing cold water on his face. Blaise washed his own hands at the neighboring sink and then leaned back against it, crossing his arms and watching Draco for a moment. He summoned a hangover potion from his stash and held it out.
Draco took it without question, downing it and sighing at the relief that immediately followed. He walked back out to his bed and sat, pulling off his shirt from the day before.
Blaise leaned against the bed rail. "I wish you'd told me when I first asked about that room. Of course I wouldn't have wanted to hold a party there if I'd known."
Draco just nodded. Theo and Pansy emerged from behind Theo's curtains then, Pansy only wore Theo's button up, open, over her bra and underwear. She combed her hair, unashamed. She turned to Draco when she was done. "I resent the fact that you think we should have been out there fighting. You don't get to decide what we should or should not have done in the middle of a full on battle where people were dying." She crossed her arms, lip curled in a sneer. "We were kids at school, doing school work, thinking about classes. And Potter shows up out of nowhere and suddenly we're thrust into war? You don't get to judge me for staying down here."
Draco thought about it for a moment, looking at his friends. He nodded. "That's fair. I'm sorry." He conceded.
"It's terrible how Vince died. I'm sorry you had to see that." Theo said, pulling on a tshirt. Draco just nodded once.
Finally, Greg emerged from behind his four poster. "I wanted to go back and see. If it was gone. And I think Vince would have been cool with a huge rager in the place where he died." Draco snorted then, they all shared a laugh.
"Yeah, I suppose so." He stood, getting out clean clothes for a shower. "Well, you go check it out first. I don't want to see it as a charred ruin. If it's all good, then make it into a fucking sick party. I don't care."
He left them chattering about the party, turning on the shower. Blaise entered the bathroom again. "Word on the street is that McLaggen got arrested, and you were seen beforehand, running through the castle with Potter yesterday afternoon."
Draco sighed, "he's been dosing me and Granger with a love potion. The motives aren't clear yet. But it's finally over."
"Holy fuck, what?" Blaise was at a loss for words. Draco got in the shower, pulling the curtain shut.
"Keep it quiet until the trial, ok? I don't know how much she wants getting out."
"ok, but we are going to hogsmeade after this and you are telling me the whole story. Merlin, things already make so much more sense now." Blaise's voice faded out as he left the bathroom. Draco felt a little less weight on his shoulders, after such a long day yesterday, and the weeks of secrecy. He felt better.
Hermione held a cold rag over her eyes, trying to reduce the swelling. She'd cried all morning. The rag barely helped.
She exited the bathroom and found Ginny sitting on the end of her bed. "Hi." She waved lamely.
Hermione walked over and sat next to her. "He already told you?"
"He and Harry went down to hogsmeade to blow off some steam. I think they're going to the Hogs head to drink." Ginny said.
Hermione nodded and sniffed. "I'm so stupid." She finally confessed.
Ginny put her arm around Hermione's shoulders. "Yeah." She conceded. "But in your defense, multiple love potions were involved, resulting in confusing feelings you've never had about him before. He's also extremely fit. Never tell anyone I said that." Hermione huffed a laugh. Ginny continued. "And you were honest and upfront about it." She shrugged. "I don't know what more you could have done with all of this." Ginny squeezed Hermione to her.
"Can I tell you the worst part? Or is it too hard to hear as Ron's sister?" She pulled out a tissue as the tears threatened to fall again. She'd spent the morning evaluating everything and had come to an awful realization.
"Tell me. I won't tell a soul." Ginny withdrew her arm and waited.
"When McLaggen dosed me to be in love with himself, I kept saying I love him and malfoy asked me why, to get me to take the antidote. And I couldn't come up with a reason, which made my brain glitch and start to recognize that it wasn't real." She sniffed and began to cry again. When she caught her breath she whispered "but when I was dosed with Malfoy, I could come up with reasons. Real reasons." She took a breath and pressed on. "I'd had a crush on him since first year. Not that I ever expected anything from it, I never pined after him, I never wished things were different. It was a harmless attraction. But all of our interactions the past few weeks since the first dosing, I just... I don't know what's happening to me."
Ginny nodded, chewing her lip. "I mean there's definitely something there. I would not say it's one sided by any means. And I've only been witness to a few moments."
Hermione dropped her head to her hands, leaning forward. "There's actually something worse, that I didn't tell Ron. And I never will. But I have to talk about it with someone or I'll go insane." She looked at Ginny who nodded, confirming that she was a safe person to talk to. Hermione took a shuddering breath. "I had my first orgasm," she whispered. "With Malfoy." She bit her lip, tilting her head up and letting a tear fall. "Not under the influence of the potion."
Ginny's eyes grew wide. "Oh, my." Was all she said for a minute. Hermione just nodded, wiping tears from her cheeks.
"I hate myself." Hermione confessed.
"Ok, now hold on there." She rubbed her hand on Hermione's back reassuringly. "I agree that the circumstances here are all less than ideal. But my first orgasm was definitely not with Harry. And it was still really exciting." She tried her best to help.
"Well you weren't cheating on Harry at the time." Hermione sniffed, berating herself.
"What do you want to happen next?" Ginny asked, trying to change the subject since it was clear Hermione wasn't willing to look at anything positively right now.
"I don't know. I'm waiting for Ron to tell me what he wants I guess. If he's willing to work through it then I'm definitely willing to try. But if he's not..." she took a breath. "I'll understand."
"Would you see if there's something there with Malfoy? If Ron wants to end things?"
Hermione sighed, "I just can't see it working out in any scenario. If Ron can't forgive me, I wouldn't run to Malfoy and flaunt my new relationship in Ron's face. And even if by some miracle Ron chooses to go back to being friends and he gives his blessing for me to date Malfoy, which I know would never happen. But in this imaginary world, I still couldn't imagine things working out long term with Malfoy. He's just a passing fancy, I think. Forbidden fruit. Only intriguing as long as it's wrong. You know?"
Ginny nodded slowly. "I suppose it is very likely that you're right about that." She conceded.
"And I really don't see Ron ever being able to get over this. Even if he could eventually forgive me, he'd never forget it. It's always going to be a black spot in our story." Hermione shook her head. "I'm so fucking stupid."
"Come on." Ginny stood, checking her watch. "Let's go get some lunch, hang out with Luna. She'll find something completely deranged to get your mind off of it and then we can wait down there for the boys get back."
Hermione sniffed and blew her nose again. Standing. "Alright, that's fine." She vanished the mountain of tissues she'd accumulated off the side of her bed and followed Ginny out the door.
Draco walked through Hogsmeade with Blaise. He had his hands in his pockets, breathing in the crisp air. The days were getting shorter. Closer and closer to being done with school finally.
Blaise echoed his thoughts like only a good friend could, "You ever think about what it would be like if we'd had a normal school year last year? We'd be finished by now, home, starting careers."
Draco snorted, "yeah. Here we are, eighteen years old and still in school. Pathetic."
"It's kind of fun though, right? We've already learned all this shit so classes are a breeze. NEWTS are basically a given at this point. We're able to just have fun with it." Blaise nudged Draco with his elbow. Draco agreed.
They approached the Three Broomsticks, Draco shook his head before Blaise could ask the question. "Hogshead it is." Blaise said.
A breeze sent the last leaves of autumn skittering over the road in front of them. The first snowfall would definitely be soon.
"So what did McLaggen have against you? Did your dad kill his Nan or something?" Blaise always tried to joke about the past, which Draco was usually on board with. No use beating yourself up over things you had no control over.
Draco shrugged "I honestly don't know. I'm pretty sure he just chose whoever would piss Weasley off the most." He yanked open the door to the pub and let Blaise enter first. He let the door close behind him as he looked around for an empty table.
"Uhoh, mate." Blaise murmured to him and nodded toward the left where said weasel had just spotted them. He stood abruptly from the table he and Potter shared, empty pint glasses scattered between them.
The redhead stormed at him, Draco rolled his eyes at the theatrics. "What now, weasel." He asked. But instead of an answer, Weasley tackled him around the middle, hard to the ground, knocking the air from him and started railing on Draco's face. Blaise was able to grab Weasley around the neck and haul him back but Potter hit Blaise to get him off of his friend. Draco managed to stand up quickly and get ready for another blow, wiping the blood gushing from his nose on the back of his sleeve and lifting his fists.
The bartender cast a shield charm, which expanded between the four students and separated them all. Weasley began to protest but the man said in a jarringly familiar voice "I don't care, all of you take it out of my pub." Then he sent them all flying out into the street, slamming the door behind them.
"Want to tell me what the fuck it is this time?" Draco spat blood onto the pavers below and wiped his face again.
Weasel got up in his face again but Potter managed to grab his arm this time. Weasley pointed furiously at Draco "What could you possibly give her?" He spat angrily. "You have nothing to offer." It was clear now that he was drunk.
Draco smirked, so she'd told him then. "Seems like I can give her everything you can't, weasel."
Weasley tried launching himself at Draco again but Potter put his whole body between them. "Ron! Wait just think. She's not crying to him, she's not begging him for forgiveness. It's you she wants." He had both hands pushing Weasley's shoulders back as he tried to talk him down. "She made a mistake and she knows it. She's up there waiting for you to come back to her. Not him."
Draco's stomach turned at the thought of her crying to Weasley about it, telling him she made a mistake. Begging him to forgive her. He sneered in jealous anger. "Yeah, she's waiting for you to come, weasel." He knew he shouldn't. But he couldn't help himself. "Since she didn't have to wait for me to make her cum. I got her off so fast, it was obvious you had never been able to."
"Fuuuck." Blaise uttered his first words since entering the pub, and Potter couldn't hold Weasley back this time. Draco was ready and dodged his first swing, landing one of his own. Blaise and Potter got into it, trying to back up their mates. It only lasted minutes before the Headmistress and their heads of houses arrived, called by the pub owner, magically separating the fight and escorting them back to the castle. All four received detentions and strict admonishings.
Draco could care less. He was glad he could rub salt in Weasley's wounds even further. Saving Granger from McLaggen meant nothing to her, did it? Well that was just fine. But no way was he going to let her run off into the sunset with that fucking weasel.
When they entered the castle behind the professors, Granger and the she-weasel came running out of the Great Hall. She looked nervously between Draco and her boyfriend. Weasley spat angrily at her, "we're done. Don't come looking for me." He jerked his arm out of her reach and stormed upstairs with Potter.
She looked incredulously back to Draco who sneered, dried blood now smeared across his face and arms. "I don't think he'll be forgiving you now. Sorry to destroy all your hopes and dreams." He said sarcastically.
He followed Blaise down to the dungeons, leaving Granger behind. He refused to acknowledge the way the hurt on her face made him feel. Because, he reminded himself, she didn't need or want Draco to make anything better. So he sure as hell wouldn't.