Chapter 21 - Sometimes life is reconciliation.
December 23, 2005

"Joshua, wait," Gareth called, his heart thudding anxiously. He slid his chair back to stand up and nearly knocked it over. Jogging over to his brother, he cast around frantically for something to say to start the conversation, some way to gauge how receptive Josh was at the moment, although his determinedly looking away did not bode well. "I, uh, I can help you get some more firewood," he said breathlessly.

"No," he said in a low voice

"Josh, please…"

He did look up then, and fixed Gareth with a glare, fury simmering in his dark eyes. "I don't want to see you right now," he said through clenched teeth.

"I want to apologize—" And Gareth made the mistake of laying a hand on Josh's arm. His brother cast the knockback jinx so fast he didn't know what hit him. He got slowly to his feet, gripping his own wand in case he had to defend himself. The room had gone silent, everyone staring in shock at what had just happened.

"I deserved that," Gareth said slowly, rubbing his shoulder that had caught the edge of a table.

Josh clenched his fist and cast another spell, but Gareth was able to block it. He held his hands out pleadingly, but more spells followed and it was all he could do to deflect them. He was way out of practice and quickly out of breath from the sudden duel. Then a creaky voice called out, "Expelliarmus!" And both of their wands sailed through the air to be caught neatly by Nana, who peered at them over her gold rimmed spectacles. "Take it outside boys," she called placidly, and resumed her decorating.

With a growl, Joshua hauled back and punched him. Gareth managed to get his arm up to block it, but Josh's knuckles still made contact with his cheek, the sharp pain bringing a sudden blurring of tears. Then his brother grabbed him roughly by his shirt front and hauled him out the door. Gareth pulled away, but Josh shoved him off the porch and into a pile of snow beside the steps.

"So this is how we're going to do this?!" Gareth shouted at him, scrabbling back up. "You have every right to be angry—"

Joshua jumped down from the porch and pulled back to hit him again, but Gareth managed to evade him and ducked down, tackling Josh into the snow like a football player.

Deirdre heard several gasps as Gareth flew backwards from the spell, one of them hers. She moved to go towards him, but Isabel grabbed her and pulled her back. "Better stay out of the line of fire," she said grimly. "It won't last long."

She let out a shaky breath when Nana had confiscated their wands, but was mortified to see them two of them wrestle each other out the door. The rest of the people in the room moved en masse to watch what happened next. "Good grief, it's like they're kids again," she heard Catherine mutter. "And Daisy, don't you dare get out of that chair," she called back over her shoulder as they all stepped out onto the porch. "We'll end it if we need to."

Deirdre glanced back to see the dark-haired woman frowning sadly, her mouth moving in what was probably a silent prayer. Then Deirdre found herself pressed close to Isabel as they crowded by the door.

"That first punch was really Xavier's fault," Isabel said, poking him in the shoulder. "He's the one that taught them, after that wild karaoke night."

"You mean the one where I was defending your sister's honor?" Xavier replied, casting Isabel a side-eye.

"I was going to say the one where you were in a jealous rage, but I suppose your description sounds more gallant," Isabel laughed.

"Ugh, don't talk about that night," Catherine said with a shudder. "That was awful."

"Josh threw a good punch," Xavier acknowledged, "and Gareth was a little slow, but managed to mostly block it. Josh could have broken his nose. And now they're both pulling their punches and just pushing and shoving. They're not either one really trying to hurt each other."

"Did this happen a lot, fighting when they were young?" Deirdre asked, hearing her voice squeak nervously.

"Once in a while," Isabel shrugged. "You know how Gareth can be. Now picture him as a mouthy teenager. Usually he'd say something snarky or pick on Josh, and then just wouldn't shut up until Josh snapped."

"I can understand that feeling," Remus snorted, elbowing Sirius beside him.

"And I can understand the longing to goad the quiet ones into some sort of response," replied Sirius, arms crossed as he watched the younger men flinging each other to the ground.

"And you had a brother," Xavier said in his quiet voice, one side of his mouth tipped up in a wry smile. "There's no one you can love more or despise more in the same moment."

"True enough," Sirius nodded in understanding. He took Xavier's youngest from him, bouncing him up and down until the toddler squealed with glee. "Are you going to knock about your brother like that, little man?"

"He already does," sighed Catherine, casting a tolerant smile at her son. "Even hugs usually turn into wrestling matches."

"Eh, that's just being a lad," George interjected with a philosophical shrug. "Blokes belt each other other the way girls brush each other's hair."

"I'm trying to apologize!" Gareth shouted, too overwhelmed by the ridiculousness of the situation and shocked by Joshua's persistence to notice the audience watching their spectacle. "What happened was horrible and all my fault, and I know I can never—" The last words were choked off in a mouthful of snow and dirt as he hit the ground again.

"Do you think words can make up for what happened?" Josh growled, pulling him to his feet. "Do you know what it's like for the hospital to place your dead child in your wife's arms?! To never get the chance to…" he took a step back, and covered his face with his hands.

"I don't," Gareth panted. "And I'm so sorry that what I did ended up—"

"Shut up and stop saying you're sorry!" Joshua screamed, shoving him back. "I don't want to hear you're sorry. I want you to feel a tenth of what I felt. I want…" His voice broke and a tear splashed down his cheek. He brushed it away angrily. "I want to know why you ever let her in," he went on, raising his voice again. "When you knew who she was and what her father had done. Why the hell did you let her get so close?!"

Gareth had finally noticed the crowd. "Because of him!" he shouted back, waving toward the dining hall. "Because of Sirius!"

There was an abrupt shuffling and murmuring from the group gathered on the porch. Joshua looked over at Sirius, then back at him, his face still wrathful. "What does Sirius have to do with it?" he growled.

Gareth scrubbed a hand over his face, sighing wearily. "Look at me," he said, spreading his arms. "What do you think Sirius was thinking the first time he met me, met both of us? I walk into his house looking just like the man that killed his friends. How was he to know if I was any different? He took a chance and trusted that we weren't the same as our fathers." He dropped his arms and took a deep breath, finally realizing what Daisy had meant about Joshua needing to understand. "I had to give Valentina the same kind of chance," he said, desperate for the words to make sense. "Otherwise what were we even fighting that war for?"

Joshua stepped up and grabbed him by the shirt again, then pulled Gareth into his arms, shoulders shaking as he tried to hold back his sobs. Gareth let out a relieved breath and clung to him, whispering, "Lo siento desesperadamente."

There was a collective exhale as the fight ended. "Y'all shift over and give me some room," Grams voice rang out from behind the group gathered on the porch. "You want me to fall down the stairs and break my hip?" Xavier immediately took her arm as she hobbled forward to the edge of the steps. "Now then," she said sharply. "If you boys got enough vim and vigor in you to fight, then you got enough to lay in a supply of firewood. No wands. So y'all get on out there and don't come back until supper time. That should wear you out enough to not cause any more trouble!"

Gareth and Joshua let each other go and faced her, swiping at eyes and noses with the backs of their hands. Joshua's dark hair was frosted with snow, a streak of dirt across his cheek. Gareth pushed his own wet hair out of his face. "Yes, ma'am," they replied in tandem. She huffed and smiled at them, then turned to go back into the dining hall. "The rest of y'all go unpack or find something useful to do. Idle hands are the devil's tools."

"Oooo, I haven't decorated any of the trees out here!" Isabel exclaimed, giving a little hop.

Catherine laughed. "Maybe you should stick with a woodsy theme and not scare off all the birds."

"We'll help with the firewood," Xavier said, elbowing George. "Come on."

George groaned. "Muggle chores?"

"It'll do you good," Xavier grinned. And as soon as Grams was far enough in the house he leaned in and lowered his voice, "And you still have your wand on you."

George gasped and held a hand to his chest. "Do you only love me for my magic?!"

Sirius looked thoughtful as he turned to his oldest friend in the world. "Moony, I love kids, but I never wanted to be responsible for them. Leave that to you, the intentional intellectual. Then I wind up accidentally doing or saying things that impact kids' lives." He let out a disbelieving huff, running a hand over his thick black hair that now had several grey strands woven throughout. "And I don't make such a bad job of it, do I?"

Remus chuckled and slung an arm over Sirius' shoulder. "Not bad at all, Padfoot, not bad at all."

Deirdre wrapped her arms around herself and leaned against the porch railing. She was exhausted. Maybe she should unpack and have a hot bath before coming to offer her help in the kitchen.

"Hey Dee, want me to show you to our place?" Gemma asked, crossing the snowy yard. A tall young man with curly black hair trailed along after her.

"Yeah, thanks, Gemma," Deirdre smiled. "Joel, would you tell Jane I'll come help in a bit."

"Forget about it," he smiled. "I don't see Ma nearly often enough. I'll give her a hand. She can interrogate me about who I'm dating."

Gemma swished her long hair over her shoulder. "Have you got a girlfriend, then?"

Joel winked at her. "Not at the moment."

"Cheeky blighter," Gemma laughed. "Go on then. We'll see you at dinner."

Deirdre eyed Gemma questioningly. "What was that?"

"Nothing," Gemma shrugged. "It's just either hang out with him or hang out with Cadmus and Finn. And all they want to do is play rugby or football. And Joel's a sweet fella." She looked around and then asked, "We thought we heard some shouting earlier. Why is Gareth all wet and dirty?"

"Oh crikey," Deirdre sighed. "Let me tell you…"

Gareth turned toward his brother. "Are we…okay? Or do you need to hit me again? I would understand if you did. I've been a lousy brother the last few years."

"I wouldn't win any awards," Joshua sighed. He shoved his hands in his pockets and toed the frozen ground. "It all just hurt…so much. And I wanted you to hurt with me…And I wanted to know…that you hadn't chosen her over us."

"Well, not on purpose," Gareth grimaced. "But that's how it wound up playing out. I wish I could go back and change things."

Joshua made a face. "How far would we need to go back? There's a lot of mess in our lives I wish wasn't there. But for all that, where we ended up is…not perfect, but good." He shrugged. "We're all familiar enough with grief to know it takes time. I just…couldn't imagine going through it all without you. I felt like I'd lost my son and my brother all at once."

Gareth nodded. George and Xavier joined them and the four headed off to the woods. As soon as they were out of sight of the buildings, George cast the spells so Gareth and Joshua were clean and dry. "Now what spells do you need to cut down a tree and chop it into firewood?" George asked.

"They've already got a few downed trees ready to go," Xavier pointed. "And we can't do it all with magic."

"Why not?"

"Oh we've tried to get away with that," Joshua muttered.

"If you come back too soon and don't look tired and sweaty enough, and maybe have blisters on your hands Grams will send you right back out to do more," Gareth explained.

George let out a long, slow whistle. "How'd she happen upon this little gem of a punishment?"

Gareth shot Joshua an apologetic look. "I almost killed Joshua with a tree when we were ten. Accidental magic. We were fighting. I was so scared about getting in trouble I ran away into the woods. Papá found me. He said it was easy for men to be destructive, so we needed to learn to do something constructive with our feelings."

"We chopped so. much. wood," Joshua sighed. "So many blisters."

"I am glad my mum doesn't know Grams," George said with a shiver. "If she'd thought of something like that…" He cast a spell on the log splitters and axes, and the tools obligingly went to work on the first felled tree.

"So…Gareth, we've all been pretty worried about you," Xavier said, leaning against a tree trunk. "You want to fill us in on what's been going on?"

"Oh brother," Gareth muttered. "Where to begin?"

"I can't believe I missed it!" Gemma said for the tenth time, as Deirdre tried to explain what had happened. "I knew having Gareth here would be the best thing for him, but I never imagined such an explosive start to the holiday!"

"Gemma, it wasn't exciting, it was terrifying!" Deirdre said in some exasperation.

"Mmmm," Gemma hummed noncommittally. "But it turned out all right. Now, tell me what else has been going on. Has he admitted he was a self-centered git and said he still loves you?

"Gemma!"

The teenager grinned unrepentantly. "And have you told him that you haven't been on a proper date in ages and that you still love him?"

Deirdre tossed a sofa cushion at the girl's head. "Don't be ridiculous. Besides, I…well, something horrid happened at the apparation centre. I just don't think I can be the sort of person he needs with all the dinners and parties he has to go to with dignitaries and all those magical toffs. They'd treat me like I was his…"

The cushion came flying back towards her own head. Perched on the edge of the sofa, Gemma crossed her arms and gave Deirdre a fierce scowl. "Don't be a bloody coward. I've been waiting to be a bridesmaid in your wedding since I was ten years old!"