Hermione's parents real names are never specified (with the exception of the names Hermione gives them in Deathly Hallows), so I'm calling them Michael and Ava Granger. I've always liked those names. I've used them before.

Chapter 23: Of Gits And Bookstores

Harry seemed to love everything there was about my house, and everyone made him feel right at home, something that I was sure he really appreciated.

Mum fussed over his oversized clothes (he was forced to wear his enormous cousin Dudley's hand me downs, which looked like circus tents on him, so Mum shrank them to size) and was always trying to force him to eat fourth helpings at every meal. Dad loved asking Harry a million questions about muggle things, such as how plugs and the postal service worked.

"Fascinating ." he would say as Harry talked him through using a telephone. " Ingenious , really, how many ways Muggles have found of getting along without magic."

About a week later, we ran down to breakfast (he quickly learned if you didn't get up and get down the steps fast enough, you didn't eat much until lunchtime)to find Mum, Dad, and Ginny already sitting at the kitchen table. As soon as she laid eyes on Harry, Ginny accidentally knocked her porridge bowl to the floor. She dived under the table to retrieve the bowl sat back in her seat, looking mortified.

"Letters from school." said Mum passing us the envelopes.

"Dumbledore already knows you're here, Harry. Doesn't miss a trick, that man. You two have got them, too." said Dad, as Fred and George came around the corner, still in their PJs.

I read over my letter as I ate my eggs. I groaned as I looked at the book list.

SECOND-YEAR STUDENTS WILL REQUIRE:

The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 by Miranda Goshawk

Break with a Banshee by Gilderoy Lockhart

Gadding with Ghouls by Gilderoy Lockhart

Holidays with Hags by Gilderoy Lockhart

43 Travels with Trolls by Gilderoy Lockhart

Voyages with Vampires by Gilderoy Lockhart

Wanderings with Werewolves by Gilderoy Lockhart

Year with the Yeti by Gilderoy Lockhart

Why the bloody hell did we have to get this pompous asshole's whole book collection?

"You've been told to get all Lockhart's books, too!" Fred said, looking over at Harry's letter. "The new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher must be a fan. Bet it's a witch."

"That lot won't come cheap." said George, sadly. "Lockhart's books are really expensive..."

"Well, we'll manage," said Mum, her worry face on. "I expect we'll be able to pick up a lot of Ginny's things secondhand."

"Oh, are you starting at Hogwarts this year?" Harry asked Ginny.

She nodded, blushing to the color of her auburn hair. Percy walked in. He was already dressed, his Hogwarts prefect badge pinned to his sweater vest.

"Morning, all," said Percy, unusually chipper. "Lovely day."

He sat down in the only remaining chair but leapt up again almost immediately, pulling from underneath Errol. How the hell he got there, I hadn't a clue

"Errol!" I said, taking the limp owl from Percy and retrieving a letter from under his wing. "Finally, he's got Hermione's answer. I wrote to her saying we were going to try and rescue you from the Dursleys."

I carried Errol to his perch and tried to stand him on it, but Errol flopped straight off again, so I laid him down. Then I ripped open Hermione's letter and read it out loud

Dear Ron (and Harry if you're there),

I hope everything went alright and that Harry is okay and that you didn't do anything illegal to get him out, Ron, because that would get Harry into trouble, too. I've been really worried and if Harry is all right, will you please let me know at once, but perhaps it would be better if you used a different owl because I think another delivery might finish your one off.

I'm very busy with schoolwork, of course, (How can she be?" I said, horrified. "We're on vacation!) and we're going to London next Wednesday to buy my new books. Why don't we meet in Diagon Alley?

Let me know what's happening as soon as you can.

Love from,

Hermione

"Well, that fits in nicely, we can go and get all your things then too." said Mum, clearing the table. "What're you all up to today?"

Harry, Fred, George, and I looks at each other, and then back at Mum.

"Quidditch." we all said at once.

We had small paddock that was surrounded by trees that blocked it from view of the village below that we played Quidditch in, as long as we didn't fly that high. We used apples instead of actual Quidditch balls, and would throw them for one another to catch. Harry was nice enough to share his broom with us, so we took turns zooming around, catching apples.

We had asked Percy if he wanted to join, but he claimed he was busy. He had been claiming that a lot, and I didn't know if I should be worried about my brother, or chuck it up to him being 16.

Hopefully I wouldn't act like a recluse at 16.

"Wish I knew what he was up to," said Fred, as we made our way back up the hill. "He's not himself. His exam results came the day before you did; twelve O.W.L.s and he hardly gloated at all."

"His what?" asked Harry.

"Ordinary Wizarding Levels." George explained. "Bill got twelve, too. If we're not careful, we'll have another Head Boy in the family. I don't think I could stand the shame."

I inwardly winced at his comment. "What's wrong with being a Head Boy?" I asked.

"Head Boy is basically being a next level prat up from a bloody prefect. It's basically saying you kiss the teachers asses, so now you're in a position of power." scoffed George.

"I don't think so." I said in a low voice. "Just means you got tip marks, right?"

"Why are you asking?" said Fred, eying me up.

"No reason." I said quickly. "Just wanting to know."

"Yeah, well keep your curiosity about it to yourself." said George.

As we flew around some more, the twins words played over and over again in my mind. I had always wanted to be a Head Boy, ever since Bill became one. It seemed like the position made him important. Made him a leader. Two things I didn't feel I was.

However, I didn't want to be a kissass for it. Didn't need anyone taking the mickey out on me.

"Dunno how Mum and Dad are going to afford all our school stuff this year," said George after a while. "Five sets of Lockhart books! And Ginny needs robes and a wand and everything."

That was something else that was bothering me. Ginny was going to Hogwarts, and while I was excited for her to be going, I couldn't help but be jealous of the fact that she was going to be able to get her own wand.

As being the only girl in the family, Ginny ended up getting note new things than us boys did, especially when it came to clothes and shoes. Something Mum would still make like jumpers some skirts for her, but she had muggle jeans and girly trainers and dresses.

I was really hoping to be able to get my wand this year. Charlie's was alright, but I was starting to think it was weakening.

Or maybe it was me.

On Wednesday, Mum woke us up early to try and beat the crowds in Diagon Alley. After a quick breakfast, Mum went to check on the floo powder next to the fireplace.

"Not much left...got to pick up more today... Ah well, guests first! After you, Harry dear!"

Harry stared her as if she was mental as she held out the flowerpot to him.

"W-what am I supposed to do?" he asked.

"He's never traveled by Floo powder, Mum." I said. "Sorry, Harry, I forgot."

"Never? But how did you get to Diagon Alley to buy your school things last year?" asked Mum.

"I went on the Underground-"

"Really?" interrupted Dad giddily. "Were there escapators ? How exactly-"

"Not now , Arthur. said Mum, trying to calm Dad's child like fascination. "Floo powder's a lot quicker, dear, but goodness me, if you've never used it before-"

"He'll be all right, Mum." said Fred. "Harry, watch us first."

He took a pinch of glittering powder out of the flowerpot, stepped up to the fire, and threw the powder into the flames. The fire turned green and rose higher than Fred, who stepped right into it, shouted, "Diagon Alley!" and vanished.

I couldn't help but laugh loudly at Harry's horrified face.

"You must speak clearly, dear." Mum warned Harry as George dipped his hand into the flowerpot. "And be sure to get out at the right grate..."

"The right what?" said Harry, confused and then jumping back as he watched George go as well, prompting me to laugh again.

I wondered how Hermione would do with floo powder. She would probably think that her hair would burst into flames

"Well, there are an awful lot of wizard fires to choose from, you know, but as long as you've spoken clearly-"

"He'll be fine, Molly, don't fuss," said Dad, helping himself to Floo powder too.

"But, dear, if he got lost, how would we ever explain to his aunt and uncle?"

"They wouldn't mind." Harry shrugged "Dudley would think it was a brilliant joke if I got lost up a chimney, don't worry about that."

"Well... all right... you go after Arthur." said Mum, not really liking the joke Harry made about his family not giving a fuck. "Now, when you get into the fire, say where you're going."

"And keep your elbows tucked in. Don't want to lose those." I joked.

"And your eyes shut." said Mum. "The soot-"

"Don't fidget, or you might well fall out of the wrong fireplace." I warned.

"But don't panic and get out too early. Wait until you see Fred and George."

,Harry took a pinch of Floo powder and walked to the edge of the fire. He took a look back at me, then back to the fine, and threw the powder in. He stepped in and started choking. Must have gotten ash in his throat.

"D-Dia-gon Alley," he coughed, and disappeared.

"What did he say, Ronnie dear?" Mum asked.

I was worried myself. "Not sure, Mum. Hopefully Diagon Alley."

"Mum, what if he ends up coming out of some random wizard's fireplace?" asked Ginny, sounding scared.

"Now, now, I'm sure he's alright."said Mum. "Better go ahead of us, Ron. Just in case."

I nodded as I gathered me up a handful of Floo powder and threw it into the fire. I stepped in (the fire felt like a warm breezy day) and yelled "Diagon Alley!", and was whooshed off.

When you travel by Floo, it makes you feel like you're being sucked away for a few seconds. Then, you either end up standing properly in the fireplace of your destination, or come flying out of it and falling on your ass.

As usual, I flew out and fell on my ass.

I came out in the fireplace of The Leaky Cauldron, a sort of hotel/pub in Diagon Alley. Percy helped me up and I dusted off my clothes.

"I give your landing a proper 9." laughed Fred.

"I'll give it a 7.8." mocked George. "Gotta work on your form."

"Sod off." I said looking around. "Wait, where's Harry?"

They stopped laughing. "He isn't coming through with Mum?"

"How the bloody hell would he be able to do that when she has Ginny?" I groaned as I walked quickly out of the pub. I had to find Harry.

I ran out of the pub and looked around the walkway. I didn't know where to begin looking. I had only ever used the one at the Leaky Cauldron. And it was only twice.

"Ron?" I heard a voice from far off.

I turned around and seen a mass of hair running towards me.

My other best mate.

"Ron! Great to see you finally!" said Hermione, stopping in front of me. She gave me a quick hug.

"Great to see you too. Would be greater if I could figure out where the bloody hell Harry got to. Have you seen him?" I asked.

Hermione rolled her eyes. "Language, Ron. And no, I haven't seen him. I thought he was staying with your family."

"He is, but we flooed over and he must have came out the wrong grate." I said, pulling Hermione along in my search.

"Why didn't you Floo over with him, Ron?"

"Well I didn't figure he needed to hold my bloody hand, Hermione! He's a big boy, you know!"

"I know that! That's not the point!"

"Look, stop arguing with me, alright? Let's just find Harry before he ends up being hexed for flooing into a house or something." I said, still pulling her.

Hermione yanked her arm away. "Wait! Let me-"

"Ron? Ron, what's going on?" asked Mum as she rushed over to us.

"Harry didn't make it to the Leaky, Mum." I said.

"Oh dear. I told your father In was afraid that would happen." said Mum, starting to look around in worry. "You stay here while your father and I go look. I don't need to lose more children."

"I have to go to the bank, my parents are there exchanging muggle money for wizard. I'll come back and help when they are done." said Hermione.

"Bye." I said, waving her off.

I went back into the Leaky where Dad and Ginny had just flooed over.

"Where's Harry?" asked Ginny as she seen that he wasn't around.

"Mum went looking for him. He didn't make it over." said George.

"Had a feeling that would happen." said Dad, tsking and shaking his head. "Didn't say Diagon Alley clear enough."

"We need to look for him. Mum's already out."

We left and walked towards Gringotts, where Mum was standing and looking. Ginny ended up going with Mum, and we continued to search the shops.

Finally, I spotted Hermione walking with Harry and Hagrid. We ran up to them.

"Harry." Dad panted. "We hoped you'd only gone one grate too far. Molly's frantic - she's coming now-"

"Where did you come out?" I asked, smirking at him.

"Knockturn Alley," said Hagrid.

"Excellent!" said the twins.

"We've never been allowed in." I said, feeling jealous. Mum always said no good witch or wizard would ever venture there, but I was convinced that she probably said it because she knew we would see something cool.

"I should ruddy well think not." said Hagrid in a disapproving voice.

Mum and Ginny caught up with us..she looked Harry over and brushed off his jacket.

"Oh, Harry - oh, my dear - you could have been anywhere-"

She then pulled a large clothes brush out of her bag and began sweeping the soot off his clothes. Harry stood there looking as if he wanted to disappear. She then repairs his glasses.

"Well, gotta be off," said Hagrid, who was having his hand wrung by Mum. ("Knockturn Alley! If you hadn't found him, Hagrid!"). "See yer at Hogwarts!"

"Guess who I saw in Borgin and Burkes?" Harry said to Hermione and I as we climbed the Gringotts steps. "Malfoy and his father."

"Did Lucius Malfoy buy anything?" said Dad, sharply. We didn't realize that he was listening.

"No, he was selling."

"So he's worried," said Dad, as if he was thrilled . "Oh, I'd love to get Lucius Malfoy for something ..."

"You be careful, Arthur," said mum as we entered the bank. "That family's trouble. Don't go biting off more than you can chew-"

"So you don't think I'm a match for Lucius Malfoy?" huffed Dad, ready to argue. However, as soon as he saw Hermione's parents, he went all dreamy like. Muggles excited him. Hermione introduced us to her parents, Michael and Ava Granger. They looked nervous, but they were very nice. Hermione resembled her mother a lot, only her mum's hair was a jet black and her curls were a lot tamer. She had eyes like her dad though, a deep deep brown that had always reminded me of the special edition dark chocolate frogs that would come out during Christmas and Valentine's Day.

Dad went all to pieces as he shook Mr. Granger's hand.

"But you're Muggles!" he said, sounding like a hyperactive kid. "We must have a drink! What's that you've got there? Oh, you're changing Muggle money. Molly, look!"

He pointed excitedly at the colored paper in Mr. Granger's hand. The Grangers seemed amused by Dad's enthusiasm.

"Meet you back here." I said to Hermione as we were being directed to the vaults by a Gringotts goblin.

The vaults were underground and we had to take these carts across train tracks that went this way and that to get to them. It felt like a wicked I unstable broom ride, but it was fun.

When we got to the vault and opened it. I immediately wished that Harry wasn't with us to witness. There was a very small pile of silver Sickles inside, and just one gold Galleon. Mum quickly put it all in her change purse. Great. Now Harry has seen just how poor we really were. The feeling was made worse when we got to Harry's vault. He looked guilty when his was opened. And he tried desperately to hide his huge amount of coins, but I seen it. Harry was bloody loaded. He gathered a few handfuls of coins and tossed then in a bag.

When we got out, we met back up with Hermione. We all separated and went to do our own thing for awhile

"We'll all meet at Flourish and Blotts in an hour to buy your schoolbooks." said Mum, dragging off Ginny, who looked like she wanted to come with us."And not one step down Knockturn Alley!"

It felt good to be walking around with my best mates again. We stopped at the ice cream parlor where Harry bought three large strawberry-and-peanut-butter ice creams, which tasted brilliant as we walked and looked into shop windows I spied a full set of Chudley Cannon robes in the windows of Quality Quidditch Supplies, and Harry was admiring some high powered seeker goggles, but Hermione dragged us off to buy boring ass ink and parchment next door. In Gambol and Japes Wizarding Joke Shop, we met up with Fred, George, and Lee Jordan, who were stocking up on Dr. Filibuster's Fabulous Wet-Start, No-Heat Fireworks, and in some junk shop full of broken wands, lopsided brass scales, and old cloaks covered in potion stains, we found Percy reading a small and no doubt a snoozefest of a book called Prefects Who Gained Power.

"A study of Hogwarts prefects and their later careers. That sounds fascinating ." I said in a sarcastic voice.

"Go away." Percy growled.

"Course, he's very ambitious, Percy. He's got it all planned out. He wants to be Minister of Magic." I said with a groan.

"What's wrong with that?" asked Hermione.

"It sounds bloody boring, that's what's wrong with it." I said.

"You could really make a difference in the wizarding world. You could make new laws, affect change, and really turn some things around for the better." said Hermione in an adoring voice.

"I'd rather play Quidditch." said Harry, high fiving me.

Hermione growled at us.

An hour later, went to Flourish and Blotts. It was jammed packed with witches and photographers. A huge banner was hanging from the outside post:

GILDEROY LOCKHART

will be signing copies of his autobiography

MAGICAL ME

today 12:30 P.M. to 4:30 P.M.

"We can actually meet him!" Hermione squealed happily. "I mean, he's written almost the whole booklist!"

Harry and I gave each other annoyed looks.

The crowd seemed to be made up mostly of witches around Mum's age. We managed to squeeze inside. A long line wound right to the back of the shop, where Gilderoy Lockhart was signing his books. We each grabbed a copy of The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 2 and got in line with the others and Mr. and Mrs. Granger.

"Oh, there you are, good," said Mum, patting her hair. "We'll be able to see him in a minute."

Gilderoy Lockhart came out and sat down. I scrunched up my nose at him as he smiled widely, flashing his clearly magically whitened teeth and winking at some of the witches. Mum looked beside herself. Even Hermione was swooning. It was absolutely disgusting to watch.

A photographer was taking pictures of his every bloody angle.

"Out of the way, there," he snarled at me as he pushed me out the way to get a better shot. He ended up stepping on my foot. "This is for the Daily Prophet-"

"Big deal." I said as I rubbed my throbbing foot. Ass.

Gilderoy Lockhart must have heard me because he looked at me, about to say something that I probably wouldn't have given a fuck then he saw Harry. He stared. Then he leapt to his feet and shouted, "It can't be Harry Potter?"

Lockhart dived forward, grabbed Harry by the arm, and pulled him to the front. The crowd burst into applause. Harry's cheeks turned as red as my hair as Lockhart shook his hand for the photographer, who was clicking away.

Who did this wanker think he was?

"Nice big smile, Harry." said Lockhart, through his own gleaming teeth. "Together, you and I are worth the front page."

Harry looked like he wanted to be anywhere but near that man. He tried to get back over to us, but Lockhart threw an arm around his shoulders locked onto him like a bloody octopus.

"Ladies and gentlemen," he said loudly, waving for everyone to get quiet. "What an extraordinary moment this is! The perfect moment for me to make a little announcement I've been sitting on for some time! When young Harry here stepped into Flourish and Blotts today, he only wanted to buy my autobiography, which I shall be happy to present him now, free of charge. He had no idea that he would shortly be getting much, much more than my book, Magical Me . He and his schoolmates will, in fact, be getting the real magical me. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, I have great pleasure and pride in announcing that this September, I will be taking up the post of Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry!"

The crowd cheered as Harry was handed a huge stack of books. He broke away when Lockhart started flirting with the other witches and ran over to the front of the store, my brothers laughing that the whole affair.

"Well that was painful to watch." I said to Hermione.

"I wonder what he will be like." said Hermione, in a dreamy voice.

I rolled my eyes as we gathered up our books and headed over to Harry.

"Potter, you've got yourself a girlfriend!"

I looked and seen that toerag Malfoy insulting Harry while my sister was standing there, staring a hole into his skull. My attitude got worse.

"Oh, it's you." I said, looking at Malfoy as if he were something unpleasant on the sole of my shoe. "Bet you're surprised to see Harry here, eh?"

"Not as surprised as I am to see you in a shop, Weasley." sneered Malfoy. "I suppose your parents will go hungry for a month to pay for all those."

That did it. I threw my books into Ginny's cauldron and prepared to square up. Harry and Hermione had to hold me back.

"Ron!" said Dad, struggling over with Fred and George. "What are you doing? It's too crowded in here, let's go outside."

"Well, well, well - Arthur Weasley." came a deep and stiff voice.

A man with long hair like a bloody fucking unicorn had put his hand on Malfoy's shoulder. He gave my father a smug look.

"Lucius." said Dad, nodding coldly.

"Busy time at the Ministry, I hear." said Mr. Malfoy. "All those raids... I hope they're paying you overtime?"

He reached into Ginny's cauldron and a very old and battered copy of A Beginner's Guide to Transfiguration .

"Obviously not." Mr. Malfoy said. "Dear me, what's the use of being a disgrace to the name of wizard if they don't even pay you well for it?"

Ginny's eyes went low. Dad's went lower.

"We have a very different idea of what disgraces the name of wizard, Malfoy." he said.

"Clearly." said Mr. Malfoy, looking over at Hermione's parents, who were watching nervously. "The company you keep, Weasley... and I thought your family could sink no lower."

Suddenly, Dad lunged at Mr. Malfoy, knocking him backward into a bookshelf. Books fell as Dad and Pasty Git senior scuffled against it.

"Get him, Dad!" Fred encouraged.

Mum was livid. "No, Arthur, no!" she said, waving her arms.

"Gentlemen, please - please!" cried the store assistant.

"Break it up, there, gents, break it up!" bellowed Hagrid. He had pulled Dad and Mr. Malfoy apart. Dad's lip had a small split, while Mr. Malfoy had been hit in the eye by an Encyclopedia of Toadstools . He was still holding Ginny's old Transfiguration book. He thrust it at her, his eyes glittering with malice.

"Here, girl, take your book! It's the best your father can give you!" he yelled Pulling himself out of Hagrid's grip he snatched up Malfoy and headed out the shop.

"Yeh should've ignored him, Arthur." said Hagrid. "Rotten ter the core, the whole family, everyone knows that. No Malfoy's worth listenin'ter, bad blood, that's what it is. Come on now, let's get outta here."

We all hurried out the store. The Grangers held Hermione close to them, looking very much afraid. Mum was yelling at Dad

"A fine example to set for your children! Brawling in public... what Gilderoy Lockhart must've thought-"

"He was pleased." said Fred. "Didn't you hear him as we were leaving? He was asking that bloke from the Daily Prophet if he'd be able to work the fight into his report - said it was all publicity!"

We quietly made our way back to the Leaky Cauldron. We said bye to the Grangers as they went to leave the pub for the Muggle street on the other side.

We each flooed home. This time, Harry spoke a lot more clearer.