Chapter 51: Best DADA Class Ever

Professor Lupin wasn't there when we arrived at our first Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson. We sat down, took out our books, quills, and parchment, and were carrying on conversations, when he finally entered the room. Lupin smiled vaguely and placed his tatty old briefcase on the teacher's desk. He was as shabby as ever but looked healthier than he had on the train, as though he had had a few square meals.

"Good afternoon." he said. "Would you please put all your books back in your bags. Today's will be a practical lesson. You will need only your wands."

We were all intrigued. We had never had a practical Defense Against the Dark Arts class before, unless you counted the memorable class last year when proud peacock Lockhart brought a cageful of pixies to class and set them loose.

"Right then," said Professor Lupin, when everyone was ready. "If you'd follow me."

Puzzled but interested, we got up and followed Professor Lupin out of the classroom. He led us along the deserted corridor and around a corner, where the first thing we saw was Peeves, who was floating upside down in midair and stuffing the nearest keyhole with chewing gum.

Peeves didn't look up until Professor Lupin was two feet away. Then, he wiggled his curly-toed feet and broke into song.

"Loony, loopy Lupin," Peeves sang. "Loony, loopy Lupin, loony, loopy Lupin!"

Rude and unmanageable as he almost always was, Peeves usually showed some respect toward the teachers. We all looked quickly at Professor Lupin to see how he would take this; to our surprise, he was still smiling.

"I'd take that gum out of the keyhole if I were you, Peeves," he said pleasantly. "Mr. Filch won't be able to get in to his brooms."

Peeves paid no attention to Professor Lupin's words, except to blow a loud wet raspberry.

Professor Lupin gave a small sigh and took out his wand.

"This is a useful little spell," he told the class over his shoulder. "Please watch closely."

He raised the wand to shoulder height, said, "Waddiwasi!" and pointed it at Peeves.

With the force of a bullet, the wad of chewing gum shot out of the keyhole and straight down Peeves's left nostril; he whirled upright and zoomed away, cursing.

"Cool, sir!" said Dean in amazement.

"Thank you, Dean." said Professor Lupin, putting his wand away again. "Shall we proceed?"

Harry and I looked at each other, each of us thoroughly amused. I was starting to really like this guy.

We set off again, the rest of the class looking at shabby Professor Lupin with increased respect. He led us down a second corridor and stopped, right outside the staffroom door.

"Inside, please." said Professor Lupin, opening it and standing back.

The staff room was empty except for one teacher. Snape's greasy haired ass was sitting in a low armchair, and he looked around as the we filed in. His eyes were glittering and there was a nasty sneer playing around his mouth. As Professor Lupin came in and made to close the door behind him, Snape said, "Leave it open, Lupin. I'd rather not witness this." He got to his feet and strode past us, his black robes billowing behind him.

At the doorway he turned on his heel and said, "Possibly no one's warned you, Lupin, but this class contains Neville Longbottom. I would advise you not to entrust him with anything difficult. Not unless Miss Granger is hissing instructions in his ear."

Neville looked shamed. Harry and I glared at Snape. It was bad enough that he bullied Neville in his own classes, let alone doing it in front of other teachers.

Professor Lupin had raised his eyebrows.

"I was hoping that Neville would assist me with the first stage of the operation" he said, "And I am sure he will perform it admirably."

Neville's face went, if possible, even redder. Snape's lip curled, but he left, shutting the door with a snap.

"Now, then," said Professor Lupin, beckoning us all toward the end of the room, where there was nothing but an old wardrobe where the teachers kept their spare robes. As Professor Lupin stood next to it, the wardrobe gave a sudden wobble, banging off the wall, causing a few of us, me included, to jump.

"Nothing to worry about," said Professor Lupin calmly."There's a Boggart in there."

Most people seemed to feel that this was something to worry about. Neville gave Professor Lupin a look of pure terror, and Seamus eyed the now rattling doorknob apprehensively.

"Boggarts like dark, enclosed spaces. Wardrobes, the gap beneath beds, the cupboards under sinks - I've even met one that had lodged itself in a grandfather clock. This one moved in yesterday afternoon, and I asked the headmaster if the staff would leave it to give my third years some practice." said Professor Lupin.

"So, the first question we must ask ourselves is, what is a Boggart?"

Hermione put up her hand.

"It's a shape-shifter," she said. "It can take the shape of whatever it thinks will frighten us most."

"Couldn't have put it better myself." said Professor Lupin, causing Hermione to smile that triumphant smile she gives when she has been congratulated for being correct.

"So the Boggart sitting in the darkness within has not yet assumed a form. He does not yet know what will frighten the person on the other side of the door. Nobody knows what a Boggart looks like when he is alone, but when I let him out, he will immediately become whatever each of us most fears. This means that we have a huge advantage over the Boggart before we begin. Have you spotted it, Harry?"

Even though Lupin clearly called on Harry, Hermione stood next to him, bobbing up and down on the balls of her feet with her hand in the air. Very annoying sometimes when she did that.

"Er - because there are so many of us, it won't know what shape it should be?" suggested Harry.

"Precisely." said Professor Lupin, and Hermione put her hand down, looking a little disappointed. I smirked at her and she gave me a mean yet playful glare.

"It's always best to have company when you're dealing with a Boggart. He becomes confused. Which should he become, a headless corpse or a flesh-eating slug? I once saw a Boggart make that very mistake - tried to frighten two people at once and turned himself into half a slug. Not remotely frightening. The charm that repels a Boggart is simple, yet it requires force of mind. You see, the thing that really finishes a Boggart is laughter. What you need to do is force it to assume a shape that you find amusing. We will practice the charm without wands first. After me, please...riddikulus!"

"Riddikulus!" we repeated together.

"Good!" said Professor Lupin. "Very good. But that was the easy part, I'm afraid. You see, the word alone is not enough. And this is where you come in, Neville."

The wardrobe shook again, though not as much as Neville, who walked forward as though he were heading for the gallows.

"Right, Neville," said Professor Lupin. "First things first: what would you say is the thing that frightens you most in the world?"

Neville's lips moved, but no noise came out.

"I didn't catch that, Neville, sorry," said Professor Lupin cheerfully.

Neville looked around rather wildly, as though begging someone to help him, then said, in barely more than a whisper, "Professor Snape."

Nearly everyone laughed. Not in teasing, but because we for sure related. Even Neville grinned a little. Professor Lupin, however, looked thoughtful.

"Professor Snape...hmmm...Neville, I believe you live with your grandmother?"

"Yes," said Neville nervously. "But I don't want the Boggart to turn into her either."

"No, no, you misunderstand me." said Professor Lupin, giving off a sneaky unteacherlike grin. "I wonder, could you tell us what sort of clothes your grandmother usually wears?"

Neville looked startled, but said, "Well...always the same hat. A tall one with a stuffed vulture on top. And a long dress...green, normally...and sometimes a fox-fur scarf."

"And a handbag?" prompted Professor Lupin.

"A big red one." said Neville with a little more enthusiasm.

"Right then." said Professor Lupin. "Can you picture those clothes very clearly, Neville? Can you see them in your mind's eye?"

"Yes," said Neville, closing his eyes.

"When the Boggart bursts out of this wardrobe, Neville, and sees you, it will assume the form of Professor Snape," said Lupin. "And you will raise your wand - like so - and cry "Riddikulus" - and concentrate hard on your grandmother's clothes. If all goes well, Professor Boggart Snape will be forced into that vulture-topped hat, and that green dress, with that big red handbag."

We all laughed a bit louder at this. The wardrobe wobbled more violently.

"If Neville is successful, the Boggart is likely to shift his attention to each of us in turn." said Professor Lupin. "I would like all of you to take a moment now to think of the thing that scares you most, and imagine how you might force it to look comical..."

The room went quiet as we all thought about what would scare us the most. I closed my eyes and concentrated.

For some reason, Hermione laying in a bed in the hospital wing Petrified appeared in my head. I remembered that it did indeed scare me at the time. Especially since I was afraid that she would either never come out of it, or never be the same.

I tried to erase that out of my mind. I didn't want her to be embarrassed with her popping up. So I thought about the other thing I feared the most.

A spider popped into my mind. I kept thinking what would make me not fear it. Maybe if it didn't have a way to crawl to me. The crawling was a lot of the fear.

"Take its legs off." I mumbled to myself.

"Everyone ready?" said Professor Lupin.

I opened my eyes, keeping the legless spider in my mind

"Neville, we're going to back away," said Professor Lupin. "Let you have a clear field, all right? I'll call the next person forward...Everyone back, now, so Neville can get a clear shot ."

We all backed against the walls, leaving Neville alone beside the wardrobe. He looked extremely frightened, but he had pushed up the sleeves of his robes and was holding his wand at the ready.

"On the count of three, Neville," said Professor Lupin, who was pointing his own wand at the handle of the wardrobe. "One - two - three - now!"

A jet of sparks shot from the end of Professor Lupin's wand and hit the doorknob. The wardrobe burst open. Hook-nosed, greasy haired, and menacing Snape stepped out, his eyes boring into Neville.

Neville backed away, his wand up, mouthing wordlessly. Snape was rushing towards him, reaching inside his robes.

"R - r - riddikulus! " squeaked Neville.

There was a noise like a whip crack. Snape stumbled; he was wearing a long, lace-trimmed dress and a towering hat topped with a moth-eaten vulture, and he was swinging a huge crimson handbag.

There was a roar of laughter. I had to hold onto my sides because the laughter hurt. Even Hermione, who thought it wrong to make fun of teachers, was having a great laugh. Harry looked as if he was about to fall onto the floor in a laughing fit.

The Boggart paused, confused. Professor Lupin shouted, "Parvati! Forward!"

Parvati walked forward, her face determined. Snape rounded on her. There was another crack, and where he had stood was a bloodstained, bandaged mummy. Its sightless face was turned to Parvati and it began to walk toward her very slowly, dragging its feet, its stiff arms rising -

"Riddikulus!" cried Parvati.

A bandage unraveled at the mummy's feet; it became entangled, fell face forward, and its head rolled off.

"Seamus!" roared Professor Lupin.

Seamus darted past Parvati.

Crack! Where the mummy had been was a woman with floor length black hair and a skeletal, green-tinged face - a banshee. She opened her mouth wide and an unearthly sound filled the room, a long, wailing shriek that made the hair on my head stand on end - "Riddikulus!" shouted Seamus.

The banshee made a rasping noise and clutched her throat; her voice was gone.

Crack! The banshee turned into a rat, which chased its tail in a circle, then - crack!- became a rattlesnake, which slithered and writhed before - crack! - becoming a single, bloody eyeball.

"It's confused!" shouted Lupin. "We're getting there! Dean!"

Dean hurried forward.

Crack! The eyeball became a severed hand, which flipped over and began to creep along the floor like a crab.

"Riddikulus!" yelled Dean.

There was a snap, and the hand was trapped in a mousetrap.

"Excellent! Ron, you next!"

I leapt forward.

Crack!

Quite a few people screamed. An Aragog sized spider covered in hair, was coming towards me, clicking its pincers. I didn't expect it to be that big, and I felt like I couldn't move, nor even breathe.

"Riddikulus!" I bellowed , and the spider's legs vanished just like they did in my head. It rolled over and over towards Lavender, who squealed and ran out of its way and it came to a halt at Harry's feet. He raised his wand, ready, but -

"Here!" shouted Professor Lupin suddenly, hurrying forward. Crack!

The legless spider had vanished. A silvery-white orb appeared, hanging in the air in front of Lupin, who said, "Riddikulus!" almost lazily.

Crack!

"Forward, Neville, and finish him off!" said Lupin as the Boggart landed on the floor as a cockroach. Crack! Snape was back. This time Neville charged forward looking determined.

"Riddikulus!" he shouted, and they had a split second's view of Snape in his lacy dress before Neville let out a great "Ha!" of laughter, and the Boggart exploded, burst into a thousand tiny wisps of smoke, and was gone.

"Excellent!" cried Professor Lupin as the class broke into applause. "Excellent, Neville. Well done, everyone...Let me see...five points to Gryffindor for every person to tackle the Boggart - ten for Neville because he did it twice...and five each to Hermione and Harry."

"But I didn't do anything," said Harry.

"You and Hermione answered my questions correctly at the start of the class, Harry." Lupin said lightly. "Very well, everyone, an excellent lesson. Homework, kindly read the chapter on Boggarts and summarize it for me...to be handed in on Monday. That will be all."

Talking excitedly, we left the staffroom.

"Did you see me take that banshee?" shouted Seamus.

"And the hand!" said Dean, waving his own around.

"And Snape in that hat!"

"And my mummy!"

"I wonder why Professor Lupin's frightened of crystal balls?" said Lavender thoughtfully.

"That was the best Defense Against the Dark Arts lesson we've ever had, wasn't it?" I said excitedly as we made our way back to the classroom to get our bags.

"He seems like a very good teacher," said Hermione approvingly. "But I wish I could have had a turn with the Boggart."

"What would it have been for you? A piece of homework that only got nine out of ten?" I joked, with Harry laughing along.

Hermione sneered at us, shutting us up immediately.