Chapter 131: The High Inquisitor

We had expected to have to comb Hermione's Daily Prophet carefully next morning to find the article Percy had mentioned in his letter. However, the departing delivery owl had barely cleared the top of the milk jug when Hermione let out a huge gasp and flattened the newspaper to reveal a large photograph of Dolores Umbridge, smiling widely and blinking slowly at us from beneath the headline.

MINISTRY SEEKS EDUCATIONAL REFORM

DOLORES UMBRIDGE APPOINTED

FIRST EVER HIGH INQUISITOR

"High Inquisitor?" said Harry darkly, his half-eaten piece of toast slipping from his fingers. "What the fuck does that mean?"

Hermione read aloud:

"In a surprise move last night the Ministry of Magic passed new legislation giving itself an unprecedented level of control at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

" 'The Minister has been growing uneasy about goings-on at Hogwarts for some time,' said Junior Assistant to the Minister, Percy Weasley. 'He is now responding to concerns, voiced by anxious parents, who feel the school may be moving in a direction they do not approve of.'

"This is not the first time in recent weeks that the Minister, Cornelius Fudge, has used new laws to effect improvements at the wizarding school. As recently as 30th August, Educational Decree Number Twenty-two was passed, to ensure that, in the event of the current Headmaster being unable to provide a candidate for a teaching post, the Ministry should select an appropriate person.

" 'That's how Dolores Umbridge came to be appointed to the teaching staff at Hogwarts,' said Weasley last night. 'Dumbledore couldn't find anyone so the Minister put in Umbridge, and of course, she's been an immediate success-' "

"She's been a WHAT?" said Harry loudly.

"Wait, there's more," said Hermione grimly.

"'-an immediate success, totally revolutionising the teaching of Defence Against the Dark Arts and providing the Minister with on-the-ground feedback about what's really happening at Hogwarts.'

"It is this last function that the Ministry has now formalised with the passing of Educational Decree Number Twenty-three, which creates the new position of Hogwarts High Inquisitor.

" 'This is an exciting new phase in the Minister's plan to get to grips with what some are calling the falling standards at Hogwarts,' said Weasley. 'The Inquisitor will have powers to inspect her fellow educators and make sure that they are coming up to scratch. Professor Umbridge has been offered this position in addition to her own teaching post and we are delighted to say that she has accepted.'

"The Ministry's new moves have received enthusiastic support from parents of students at Hogwarts.

" 'I feel much easier in my mind now that I know Dumbledore is being subjected to fair and objective evaluation,' said Mr. Lucius Malfoy, 41, speaking from his Wiltshire mansion last night. 'Many of us with our children's best interests at heart have been concerned about some of Dumbledore's eccentric decisions in the last few years and are glad to know that the Ministry is keeping an eye on the situation.'

"Among those eccentric decisions are undoubtedly the controversial staff appointments previously described in this newspaper, which have included the employment of werewolf Remus Lupin, half-giant Rubeus Hagrid and delusional ex-Auror, "Mad-Eye" Moody.

"Rumours abound, of course, that Albus Dumbledore, once Supreme Mugwump of the International Confederation of Wizards and Chief Warlock of the Wizengamot, is no longer up to the task of managing the prestigious school of Hogwarts.

" 'I think the appointment of the Inquisitor is a first step towards ensuring that Hogwarts has a headmaster in whom we can all repose our confidence,' said a Ministry insider last night.

"Wizengamot elders Griselda Marchbanks and Tiberius Ogden have resigned in protest at the introduction of the post of Inquisitor to Hogwarts.

" 'Hogwarts is a school, not an outpost of Cornelius Fudge's office,' said Madam Marchbanks. 'This is a further, disgusting attempt to discredit Albus Dumbledore.' "(For a full account of Madam Marchbanks's alleged links to subversive goblin groups, turn to page seventeen.)"

Hermione finished reading and looked across the table at the other two.

"So now we know how we ended up with Umbridge! Fudge passed this 'Educational Decree' and forced her on us! And now he's given her the power to inspect the other teachers!" Hermione was breathing fast and her eyes were very bright. "I can't believe this. It's outrageous!"

"I know it is"said Harry.

I couldn't help but grin as a hilarious thought popped into my head.

"What?" said Harry and Hermione together, staring at me.

"Oh, I can't wait to see McGonagall inspected," I said happily. "Umbitch won't know what's hit her."

"Well, come on," said Hermione, jumping up, "we'd better get going, if she's inspecting Binns's class we don't want to be late."

But Professor Umbridge was not inspecting our History of Magic lesson, which was just as dull as the previous Monday, nor was she in Snape's dungeon when we arrived for double Potions, to which Harry got a very unfair 'D' on his essay.

"I have awarded you the grades you would have received if you presented this work in your OWL," said Snape with a smirk, as he swept among us, passing back our homework. "This should give you a realistic idea of what to expect in the examination."

Snape reached the front of the class and turned on his heel to face us.

"The general standard of this homework was abysmal. Most of you would have failed had this been your examination. I expect to see a great deal more effort for this week's essay on the various varieties of venom antidotes, or I shall have to start handing out detentions to those dunces who get a 'D'."

He smirked as Malfoy sniggered and said in a carrying whisper, "Some people got a 'D'? Ha!"

"Well, that wasn't as bad as last week, was it?" said Hermione, as we climbed the steps out of the dungeon and made their way across the Entrance Hall towards lunch. "And the homework didn't go too badly, either, did it?"

Neither of us answered. My grade was fucked up as well.

"I mean, all right, I didn't expect the top grade, not if he's marking to OWL standard," continued Hermione, "but a pass is quite encouraging at this stage, wouldn't you say?"

Harry made a non-committal noise in his throat.

"Of course, a lot can happen between now and the exam, we've got plenty of time to improve, but the grades we're getting now are a sort of baseline, aren't they? Something we can build on."

We sat down together at the Gryffindor table. I was so over talking about this, but I knew Hermione was on a roll, and wouldn't be stopped.

"Obviously, I'd have been thrilled if I'd got an 'O'-"

"Hermione," I said sharply, "if you want to know what grades we got, ask."

"I don't...I didn't mean...well, if you want to tell me-"

"I got a 'P'," I scowled. "Happy?"

"Well, that's nothing to be ashamed of," said Fred, who had just arrived at the table with George and Lee Jordan and was sitting down on Harry's right. "Nothing wrong with a good healthy 'P'."

"But," said Hermione, "doesn't 'P' stand for-"

"Poor, yeah," said Lee Jordan. "Still, better than 'D', isn't it? Dreadful?"

Harry faked a small coughing fit over his roll, trying to get the matter dropped. Unfortunately, Hermione was beyond interested in the subject.

"So top grade's 'O" for Outstanding," she was saying, "and then there's 'A'-"

"No, 'E'," George corrected her, "'E' for Exceeds Expectations. And I've always thought Fred and I should've got 'E' in everything, because we exceeded expectations just by turning up for the exams."

We all laughed except Hermione, who kept on, 'So, after 'E' it's 'A' for Acceptable, and that's the last pass grade, isn't it?"

"Yep," said Fred.

"Then you get 'P' for Poor-' I said, raising both my arms in mock celebration-"and 'D' for Dreadful.

"And then 'T', "George reminded her.

"'T'?" asked Hermione, looking appalled. "Even lower than a 'D'? What on earth does 'T' stand for?"

"Troll," said George promptly.

"You lot had an inspected lesson yet?" Fred asked them.

"No," said Hermione at once. "Have you?"

"Just now, before lunch," said George. "Charms."

"What was it like?" Harry and Hermione asked together.

Fred shrugged. "Not that bad. Umbridge just lurked in the corner making notes on a clipboard. You know what Flitwick's like, he treated her like a guest, didn't seem to bother him at all. She didn't say much. Asked Alicia a couple of questions about what the classes are normally like, Alicia told her they were really good, that was it."

"I can't see old Flitwick getting marked down," said George, "he usually gets everyone through their exams all right."

"Who've you got this afternoon?" Fred asked Harry.

"Trelawney-"

"A 'T' if ever I saw one."

"-and Umbitch herself."

"Well, be a good boy and keep your temper with the toad today," said George. "Angelina will lose her shit if you miss any more Quidditch practices."

In Divination, Professor Umbroad emerged through the trapdoor in the floor. The class, which had been talking cheerily, fell silent at once.

"Good afternoon, Professor Trelawney," said Professor Umbridge with her wide nasty smile. "You received my note, I trust? Giving the time and date of your inspection?"

Professor Trelawney nodded and, looking very disgruntled, turned her back on Professor Umbridge and continued to give out books. Still smiling, Professor Umbridge grasped the back of the nearest armchair and pulled it to the front of the class so that it was a few inches behind Professor Trelawney's seat. She then sat down, took her clipboard from her flowery bag and looked up expectantly, waiting for the class to begin.

I was suddenly overcome with bad feelings.

Professor Trelawney looked as if she were shaking. Not good.

"We shall be continuing our study of prophetic dreams today," she said in a brave attempt at her mystic and airy voice, though her voice shook slightly. "Divide into pairs, please, and interpret each other's latest night-time visions with the aid of the Oracle."

She made as though to sweep back to her seat, saw Professor Umbridge sitting right beside it, and immediately veered left towards Parvati and Lavender, who were already deep in discussion about Parvati's most recent dream.

"Think of a dream, quick," Harry said, "in case the old bitch comes our way."

"I did it last time, it's your turn, you tell me one." I said quickly. I really didn't want to tell him about what Hermione and I did on a broom last night in my dreams.

"Oh, I dunno ..." said Harry, desperately trying to recall something. "Let's say I dreamed I was ... drowning Snape in my cauldron. Yeah, that'll do ..."

I snickered as I opened my Dream Oracle.

"OK, we've got to add your age to the date you had the dream, the number of letters in the subject ... would that be 'drowning' or 'cauldron' or 'Snape'?"

"It doesn't matter, pick any of them," said Harry, glancing behind. him. Professor Umbridge was now standing at Professor Trelawney's shoulder making notes while the Divination teacher questioned Neville about his dream diary.

"What night did you dream this again?" I asked, trying to calculate.

"I dunno, last night, whenever you like," Harry told me. They were only a table away from us now. Professor Umbridge was making another note on her clipboard and Professor Trelawney was looking extremely put out.

"Now," said Umbridge, looking up at Trelawney, "you've been in this post how long, exactly?"

Professor Trelawney looked as if she was offended, but thought better to answer. "Nearly sixteen years."

"Quite a period," said Professor Umbridge, making a note on her clipboard. "So it was Professor Dumbledore who appointed you?"

"That's right," said Professor Trelawney shortly.

Professor Umbridge made another note.

"And you are a great-great-granddaughter of the celebrated Seer Cassandra Trelawney?"

"Yes," said Professor Trelawney, looking prideful.

Another note on the clipboard.

"But I think, correct me if I am mistaken, that you are the first in your family since Cassandra to be possessed of Second Sight?"

"These things often skip-er-three generations," said Professor Trelawney.

Professor Umbridge's toad like smile widened.

"Of course," she said in her sweetly sour voice, making yet another note. "Well, if you could just predict something for me, then?"

The class looked upon the scene in both nervousness and intrigue.

Professor Trelawney looked confused by the question. "I don't understand you," she said, clutching the shawl around her scrawny neck.

"I'd like you to make a prediction for me," said Professor Umbridge very clearly.

"The Inner Eye does not See upon command!" she said in scandalised tones.

"I see," said Professor Umbridge softly, making yet another note on her clipboard.

"I-but-but ... wait!" said Professor Trelawney suddenly, in an attempt to recover herself. "I ... I think I do see something ... something that concerns you ... why, I sense something ... something dark ... some grave peril! I am afraid ... I am afraid that you are in grave danger!" Professor Trelawney finished dramatically, pointing and shaking her long index finger in the toad's face.

"Right," she said softly, scribbling on her clipboard once more. "Well, if that's really the best you can do..x

She turned away, leaving Professor Trelawney standing there, looking as if she was about to have a nervous breakdown. Harry and I looked at each other, more than likely thinking the same thing. That whole scene was wrong. Trelawney may have been a fraud, but in the end, she was a nice person, and she didn't deserve what that vile woman just did.

"Well?" she said, coming over to us "Let me see the start you've made on your dream diary, please."

Fifteen minutes later, we found ourselves once again face to face with the slug. She was humming and smiling to herself when we entered the room. Harry and I told Hermione (who had been in Arithmancy) exactly what had happened in Divination while we all took out our stupid textbooks, but before Hermione could ask any questions Professor Umbridge had starred class, silencing all of us.

"Wands away," she instructed us all with a smile, and those people who were barmy enough to take them out, sadly returned them to their bags.

"As we finished Chapter One last lesson, I would like you all to turn to page nineteen today and commence 'Chapter Two, Common Defensive Theories and their Derivation'. There will be no need to talk."

Everyone sighed, but followed directions. Everyone, except Hermione, who her hand in the air again.

Professor Umbridge had noticed, too, and instead of trying to pretend she had not noticed, she got to her feet and walked around the front row of desks until they were face to face. Then she bent down and whispered, so that the rest of the class could not hear, "What is it this time, Miss Granger?"

"I've already read Chapter Two," said Hermione, not whispering

"Well then, proceed to Chapter Three."

"I've read that too. I've read the whole book."

I couldn't help but smirk. Harry looked a bit worried.

Professor Umbridge blinked but recovered her poise almost instantly.

"Well, then, you should be able to tell me what Slinkhard says about counter-jinxes in Chapter Fifteen."

"He says that counter-jinxes are improperly named," said Hermione, not skipping a beat. "He says 'counter-jinx' is just a name people give their jinxes when they want to make them sound more acceptable."

Professor Umbridge raised her eyebrows trying to hide the fact that she was impressed.

"But I disagree," Hermione continued.

Professor Umbridge's eyebrows rose a little higher and her gaze became distinctly colder.

"You disagree?" she repeated.

"Yes, I do," said Hermione, confidently. The rest of the class were now focused on them.

"Mr. Slinkhard doesn't like jinxes, does he? But I think they can be very useful when they're used defensively."

"Oh, you do, do you?" said Professor Umbridge, forgetting to whisper and straightening up. "Well, I'm afraid it is Mr. Slinkhard's opinion, and not yours, that matters within this classroom, Miss Granger."

"But-*

"That is enough," said Professor Umbridge. She walked back to the front of the class and stood before us, visibly perturbed. "Miss Granger, I am going to take five points from Gryffindor house."

There was an outbreak of muttering at this.

"What for?" said Harry angrily.

"Don't you get involved!" Hermione whispered urgently to him.

"For disrupting my class with pointless interruptions," said Professor Umbridge smoothly. "I am here to teach you using a Ministry-approved method that does not include inviting students to give their opinions on matters about which they understand very little. Your previous teachers in this subject may have allowed you more licence, but as none of them-with the possible exception of Professor Quirrell, who did at least appear to have restricted himself to age-appropriate subjects-would have passed a Ministry inspection-"

"Yeah, Quirrell was a great teacher," said Harry loudly, "there was just that minor drawback of him having Lord Voldemort sticking out of the back of his head."

It was so quiet, you could hear a quill drop.

"I think another week's detentions would do you some good, Mr. Potter," said Umbridge sleekly.