A/N: Presenting one of the most fun chapters.

Warnings: Violence, Implied Sex, Valentino being Valentino.

GREMLIN

Charlie was not Valentino's biggest fan, especially after the debacle she had seen while in Heaven.

The exorcists were of little concern; When push came to shove, Razzle and Dazzle would be able to fight them off, while Alastor, Vaggie, and herself would be able to tag-team Adam.

What she was concerned about was the health of her original patron, who was the most honest person in the building. Vaggie had lied about her genocides, Alastor lied as easily as he breathed, Husk told sweet lies to hide bitter truths, and Sir Pentious had joined them as a spy.

Whether or not Vaggie deserved her ire was a separate subject. For now, she was the owner of the Hazbin Hotel, and the only person who was fully making an effort to bring her plans to fruition. Sure, Angel Dust was supposed to be trying the hardest, but she could forgive him. He was in hell, and even small improvements were a big deal.

So, it broke her heart when she saw the predicament that her original patron was in.

She had tried asking Valentino nicely. Getting violent with him wouldn't help, because he would just use Angel Dust to blackmail her. And Alastor wouldn't help directly without some sort of shady deal, especially considering the fact that he would have to fight the three V's, who had the most experience fighting him and likely kept counters prepared.

And the perfect counter of her own came in the form of the end of the recording in Heaven.

"Alastor!" She called out. "I need to borrow something from you!"

Valentino was breathing heavily and irregularly. While this would be his normal breathing pattern after engaging in some of his proclivities, he hadn't been able to do anything of the sort in a week, now.

There was a scraping sound, and he was immediately firing off all four of his guns in that general direction. Silence followed, but the smell of blood remained absent. It was still alive.

What was 'it' you ask? He didn't know. Neither did Vox or Velvette. Vox had seen nothing on the cameras, and he could see everything on the cameras. Velvette hadn't tracked any phones aside from his own, and she tracked every phone.

But there was something there.

Watching him from the shadows.

He could feel its presence whenever he was alone, and every time he tried to force himself on someone, he felt phantom knives stabbing him in the back.

He hadn't been able to get it on with anyone for a week, and neither Vox nor Velvette was putting out! He was pissed beyond belief, and it was showing. Ratings for his productions were plummeting, and even a video starring both Angel Dust and Tiffany Titfucker wasn't enough.

And all this had happened in a week.

"Hee hee hee!"

Valentino screamed as something laughed behind him creepily. More shots with angelic bullets were fired, but that did nothing but put more holes in his walls.

"Come out!" He screamed. "Come out so I can shoot you!"

He received no response aside from the echoes of his own panting.

Meanwhile, in Velvette's section of the tower, the other two Vees shared a bath.

"What is that idiot high on now?" Vox sighed, relaxing in the tub. "It's been a week!"

"Fuck if I know," Velvette said, getting into his lap. "Whatever it is, I hope he stays on it for another week. Fucking you is much more satisfying without that prick making it all about himself and his prick."

"You got that right," Vox said as Velvette got into position with a moan. "Sex is better without him involved."

Another week passed, and then the Princess of Hell appeared on their doorstep at the asscrack of dawn.

"Whaddya want, princess," Vox yawned as he greeted her while wearing nothing but pajama bottoms, his naked torso displaying the numerous lipstick and claw marks that Velvette had left behind. "It's a slow morning, and I want to get back to doing Vel-nothing. I want to get back to doing nothing."

Velvette smirked as she walked up to the door in a bathrobe, her neck revealing bite marks and mild Lichtenberg figures, while her wrists and ankles clearly showed signs of having been tied down.

The princess blushed as she quickly deduced what had been happening moments ago, but neither overlord particularly cared about her opinion on the matter.

"Ah, um, I've, uh, heard from a friend that your… Associate," She stuttered, taking a peek past them. "Has been having troubles. I'm here to help him out in exchange for Angel Dust's contract."

Both overlord's eyes widened at her statement.

"You're trying to bargain for Angel Dust?!" Vox exclaimed, suddenly wide awake. "Aren't you biting off more than you can chew?"

"Unlike what most people think, I know what I'm doing," Charlie said, her eyes hardening. "So, where is he?"

"Now this I've gotta see!" Velvette said, snapping her fingers, her magic immediately dressing herself and Vox. "Follow me, princess!"

Within minutes, they were in Valentino's penthouse. He was shaking violently, surrounded by hundreds of rounds of spent ammunition. His mane of fur looked like it had been half-ripped out, his eyes were bloodshot, and he looked fifty years older. His head was constantly swiveling this way and that, never allowing anything to remain in his blind spot for more than half a second.

"Yeesh, this is worse than I remember," Velvette said, waving away the smell of Valentino's drugs. It would take something a lot stronger to compromise her, but the smell was still terrible. "So, love, want to present your offer?"

"Ahem!" Charlie cleared her throat, stepping towards Valentino. "Mister Valentino, I've heard that you have a problem, and I'm here to solve it. I will get rid of whatever is bothering you-"

Charlie had to react quickly as Valentino leapt at her, arms outstretched, intent on strangling her. She grabbed his wrists, easily crushing them with the might of the daughter of the Morningstar.

"-for a price."

Valentino sprouted extra arms, but Charlie just ripped off the ones she was holding and kicked him into the couch. Electrical cables erupted from the walls, and rather than targeting Charlie, bound Valentino to the point of immobility.

"I'm getting real tired of your shit, Val!" Vox yelled. "So sit your ass down, shut up, and get yourself fixed!"

"Thank you," Charlie said politely to Vox, before turning back to Valentino. "Now, I've been told that you're being haunted by some sort of immortal gremlin, so I'm here to offer my services to get rid of it.

"And in exchange, I want Angel Dust's contract. Anthony's contract. Do we have a deal?"

"Fuck you, you worthless bitch!" Valentino screamed. "I called in pest control, and they got ripped to shreds! What can you even do?! And for Angel Dust?! I'd come down to your hotel and make everyone there a part of my production just for daring to ask that!"

"You're skeptical," Charlie said as Velvette grabbed Valentino by the throat, shutting him up. "So, how's this? I'll fix your problem for twenty-four hours, absolutely free, no strings attached."

She snapped her fingers, sending out a strong pulse of magic. Valentino stopped shaking, and his eyes widened.

"I'll be back next week, so I'll leave you to ponder over it."

With that, Charlie did an about turn and marched out of the rancid room. Vox and Velvette shared a look, before releasing Valentino and following her out.

"I've got to say, princess," Vox said as they descended the stairs. "You've got some game. I wouldn't be opposed to working with you in the future."

Charlie giggled.

"As much as I appreciate the offer, I can't. Alastor would kill me."

Vox and Velvette stayed out of Valentino's way for the next twenty-four hours. Valentino had finally been cured of whatever ailment he had, and the first thing he had done was getting his dick wet. He had ripped a few of his employees apart in the process, but at least he was better. But both Vox and Velvette knew that he was still unstable, so he was not getting anywhere near their beds.

All the while, they counted down the seconds, the final countdown flashing across Vox's face as they sat in his den, looking through the cameras. Valentino was fucking some poor woman like his life depended on it, while the two of them shared a bucket of popcorn.

"5!"

"4!"

"3!"

"2!"

"1!"

"Time!"

Vox and Velvette stared at the screen blankly, the only sounds transmitted being Valentino's animalistic grunts and the woman's horrified screaming.

"Did the princess fuck this up?" Vox said, getting up from his seat. "Because if she did, I'm-"

Whatever he was going to say was cut short as a blur dashed across the screen, finally providing proof that something existed at all, and then it was gone in the span of three frames on a 240 fps camera.

And then Valentino was screaming, holding his hands to his bloody crotch, as the woman scrambled away, still screaming in terror.

"Did – Did Valentino just get his prick cut off?" Velvette gasped, her eyes wide. "No fuckin' way!"

The two overlords enjoyed their popcorn while watching the third member of their trio fall into madness once more. The blur never appeared on any screen ever again, the only hints of a physical entity being the occasionally moving shadows of inanimate objects, indicating someone moving them.

"Well, that settles it for me," Velvette declared spinning around in her seat until her head was hanging off the chair and her feet were on the headrest. "I'm not fucking with the princess."

"Agreed."

Vox and Velvette got another six days of uninterrupted sex before the princess came knocking at their door.

"I dunno, love," Velvette said, her bathrobe barely covering anything. "We kinda prefer him this way. Come back next year or something."

"Come on, Vel," Vox said. "Like it or not, Val makes us the most money, and profits are already tanking. We can ask her for favors later."

"Alright, fine," Velvette grumbled. "But I still wanna go for five more rounds before we go anywhere. Princess, care to join us?"

Charlie blushed. "Um, no thank you, I-"

"Then you can either watch or sit in the lobby for three more hours; Your choice. Close the door when you make your decision."

Charlie's blush intensified as the two overlords started moaning before they even reached the bed. She bit her lip for a few moments, and then closed the door.

The waiting room was left empty.

Four hours later, Vox, Velvette, and Charlie made their way towards where Valentino was holed up. Unlike when she had arrived, Charlie now sported a black suit with extended shoulder pads, a black cape, purple lipstick, and her blond hair had numerous black streaks running through it. Courtesy of Velvette. Besides, she needed a change of clothes after several hours of observing Vox and Velvette "perform".

Vox opened the door to Valentino's chambers, and much to their pleasant surprise, they weren't immediately assaulted by a flood of drugs. He must've run dry days ago.

They turned their attention to their subject. Valentino was sitting on the floor, with two palms of his four hands missing. He was surrounded by mirrors; Looking like he hadn't gotten any sleep in three weeks, which he actually hadn't. He was shivering and twitching violently, his eyes were bloodshot, and he was covered in scars.

"It's in the walls!" He screamed. "It's inside my walls!"

"Val, these walls are two inches thick and made of metal," Vox said. "Now, pull your head out of your ass and give the princess what she wants."

"I want Anthony's contract in exchange for dealing with your gremlin problem," Charlie stated. "But I should probably mention that the only other person who can solve this is Alastor."

The eyes of all three Vees widened dramatically. An invisible wind kicked up, flaring Charlie's cape behind her.

"Offer closes soon."

Velvette could have sworn that she heard dramatic background music just then.

"Well, that does it," Vox said. "No way are we allowing Alastor to have any leverage over us. Val, give the princess what she wants, now."

"You think you can just take him from me?!" Valentino roared, cracking the mirrors surrounding him. "He's mine, you hear?! ANGEL DUST IS MINE!"

Vox and Velvette sighed, and the shorter overlord walked up to Valentino.

And then she kicked him in the balls with enough force for the shockwave to blow out the windows of the room.

"This ain't a negotiation, buddy," She said, stepping back to avoid his vomiting. "Like it or not, the princess has you, and therefore, us, by the balls. And we're not waiting around for you to get desperate enough to call the Radio Shitlord, just because you didn't want to lose your favorite toy.

"Hand over the contract, NOW."

"You're an overlord, damn it!" Vox yelled. "So start acting like one and quit bitching over every minor inconvenience! Be grateful that you're losing one whore instead of all of them!"

"Or, I could give it another week," Charlie supplied. "I'm sensing that this gremlin is getting hungry, so you might lose a few more limbs. Or it just might go for the liver."

"Doesn't matter either way," Velvette said, scrolling through some statistics on her phone. "Losses have gone from fifteen to twenty percent in the last three days, and our IT guys are saying that they could hit twenty-five percent tomorrow. We're losing investors, so you need to get your shit together, now."

Valentino could only cower as he was surrounded from all sides.

Fifteen minutes later, Charlie left the V towers. All she had to do was appear absolutely confident and in control while Velvette and Vox threatened their business partner with unspeakable horrors. Charlie had made to walk out the room, and Valentino had immediately prostrated himself at her feet, begging to not make him give up Angel Dust.

It didn't happen often, but in that moment, Charlie found a sinner to be truly pathetic. He had an empire, yet he was begging her to do something for free. Even Vox and Velvette agreed with her there.

But she had remained steadfast, and even her bleeding heart did not feel sorry for Valentino.

Eventually, he had relented, and handed over Anthony's contract, sobbing all the while.

He was just… a little bitch. Hitler had been more likeable.

She felt a presence above her as she exited the tower, and a small sinner landed on her shoulder.

"Did you enjoy yourself, Niffty?" Charlie asked her little gremlin. Alastor had let her borrow her without asking what for, which worked to her advantage, allowing her to utilize Niffty's talents without actually needing to make a deal.

"Hee hee!" Niffty giggled. "Yes, I did! He was such a bad boy! I can't wait to go back!"

Charlie laughed out loud as she began walking back to the hotel.

"One day. Maybe."

A/N: Niffty is just the best. Also, Charlie canonically likes to watch, as evidenced by that one moment in 'Happy Day in Hell'.

Don't hesitate to leave your ideas in the comments!

Next chapter: Daddy's Home!