Chapter 139: Hagrid's Inspection
On Sunday morning, Hermione made her way back to Hagrid's. Harry and I wanted to go with her, but our homework could almost touch the ceiling, so we made our way to the common room to start on it. Which was mental of us, as we had to listen to the gleeful shouts coming through to windows of people outside skating, tobogganing, and worst of all, bewitching snowballs to zoom up to Gryffindor Tower and rap hard on the windows, which was really pissing me off.
"Oi!" I bellowed after finally losing patience and sticking my head out of the window, "I am a prefect and if one more snowball hits this window-OUCH! FUCK!"
I had gotten a face full of snow delivered by my brothers.
"It's Fred and George," I said bitterly as I slammed the window behind me. "Wankers."
Hermione returned from Hagrid's just before lunch. She was shivering a bit and her robes damp to the knees.
"So?" I said, looking up when she entered. "Got all his lessons planned for him?"
"Well, I tried," she said dully, sinking into a chair beside Harry. She pulled out her wand and steam dried her robes. "He wasn't even there when I arrived, I was knocking for at least half an hour. And then he came stumping out of the Forest-"
Harry groaned. "What's he keeping in there? Did he say?" he asked.
"No," said Hermione miserably. "He says he wants them to be a surprise. I tried to explain about Umbridge, but he just doesn't get it. He kept saying nobody in their right mind would rather study Knarls than Chimaeras-oh, I don't think he's got a Chimaera," she added at the appalled look on Harry and I's faces, "but that's not for lack of trying, from what he said about how hard it is to get eggs. I don't know how many times I told him he'd be better off following Grubbly-Plank's plan, I honestly don't think he listened to half of what I said. He's in a bit of a funny mood, you know. He still won't say how he got all those injuries."
Hagrid's reappearance at the staff table at breakfast next day was not greeted by enthusiasm from all students. Some, like Fred, George and Lee, roared with delight and sprinted up the aisle between the Gryffindor and Hufflepuff tables to shake Hagrid's enormous hand; others, like Parvati and Lavender, exchanged gloomy looks and shook their heads. Many of them preferred Professor Grubbly-Plank's lessons, which I really couldn't disagree with if I was being completely honest. Grubbly-Plank's lessons didn't get anyone sent to the hospital wing.
On Tuesday, Harry, Hermione, and I headed nervously down to Hagrid's, freezing our asses off. Each of us were nervous about the inspection, particularly Malfoy and his cronies and how they would behave if Umbridge was watching them.
However, the high and mighty bitch was nowhere to be seen as we struggled through the snow towards Hagrid, who stood waiting for us on the edge of the Forest. He looked even worse than he did when he had first came back. The bruises that had been purple on Saturday night were now tinged with green and yellow and some of his cuts still seemed to be bleeding. It seemed barmy that he was still bleeding from the cute. To add the look of insult to injury, Hagrid was carrying what looked like half a dead cow over his shoulder.
"We're workin' in here today" Hagrid called happily to us students, jerking his head back at the dark trees behind him. "Bit more sheltered! Anyway, they prefer the dark."
"What prefers the dark?" Malfoy say sharply to Crabbe and Goyle, a trace of panic in his voice. "What did he say prefers the dark-did you hear?"
Scared bitch. Although I couldn't help but be a bit nervous myself. I would never forget Aragog and his killer family in the dark depths of the Forbidden Forest.
"Ready?" said Hagrid cheerfully, looking around at the class. "Right, well, I've bin savin' a trip inter the Forest fer yer fifth year. Thought we'd go an' see these creatures in their natural habitat. Now, what we're studyin' today is pretty rare, I reckon I'm probably the on'y person in Britain who's managed ter train 'em."
"And you're sure they're trained, are you?" said Malfoy, the panic in his voice growing. "Only it wouldn't be the first time you'd brought wild stuff to class, would it?"
The Slytherins murmured agreement and a few Gryffindors looked as though they thought Malfoy had a fair point, too.
"Course they're trained," said Hagrid, scowling.
"So what happened to your face, then?" demanded Malfoy.
Mind yer own business!" said Hagrid, angrily. "Now, if yeh've finished askin' stupid questions, follow me!"
I smirked until catching Hermione's disapproving eye.
He turned and strode straight into the Forest, the rest of us following after him. We walked for about ten minutes until we reached a place where the trees stood so closely together that it was as dark as night and there was no snow at all on the ground. With a grunt, Hagrid dropped his half a cow on the ground, stepped back and turned to face us.
'Gather roun', gather roun'," Hagrid encouraged. "Now, they'll be attracted by the smell 'o the meat but I'm going ter give em a call anyway, 'cause they'll like ter know it's me."
He turned, shook his shaggy head to get the hair out of his face and gave an odd, shrieking cry that echoed through the dark trees like the call of some monstrous bird. It sounded like some shit that would haunt your nightmares. No one laughed.
Hagrid gave the shrieking cry again. A minute passed and Harry nudged me, pointing into the black space between two trees.
I was confused at what Harry was pointing at, because I didn't see anything
"Why doesn't Hagrid call again?" I whispered.
"You don't see it?" asked Harry. "Its right there, how can you miss it?"
"What's right there, Harry?"
As I looked around, it seemed like only two other people could see the same thing Harry was claiming was there. A Slytherin boy by the name of Theo Nott standing just behind Goyle looked as if he was disgusted, and Neville looked positively mesmerized.
"Oh, an' here comes another one!" said Hagrid proudly. "Now ... put yer hands up, who can see 'em?"
Harry, Neville, and Theo raised their hands.
"Yeah ... yeah, I knew you'd be able ter, Harry," he said seriously. "An' you too, Neville, eh? An'-"
"Excuse me," sneered Malfoy, "but what exactly are we supposed to be seeing?"
Hagrid pointed at the cow carcass on the ground. All of us stared at it for a few seconds, then the lot of us gasped as bits of flesh were stripping themselves away from the bones and vanishing into thin air. Hermione had grabbed my arm and I couldn't help but tingle at her touch.
"What's doing it?" Parvati demanded in a terrified voice, retreating behind the nearest tree. "What's eating it?"
"Thestrals," said Hagrid proudly and Hermione gave a soft "Oh!" as if she should have known. "Hogwarts has got a whole herd of 'em in here. Now, who knows -"
"But they're really, really unlucky!" interrupted Parvati, looking alarmed. "They're supposed to bring all sorts of horrible misfortune on people who see them. Professor Trelawney told me once-"
"No, no, no," said Hagrid, chuckling, "tha's jus' superstition, that is, they aren' unlucky, they're dead clever an' useful! Course, this lot don' get a lot o' work, it's mainly jus' pullin' the school carriages unless Dumbledore's takin' a long journey an' don' want ter Apparate-an' here's another couple, look-"
"I think I felt something, I think it's near me!" cried out Parvati.
"Don' worry, it won' hurt yeh," said Hagrid patiently. "Righ', now, who can tell me why some o' yeh can see 'em an' some can't?"
Hermione raised her hand.
"Go on then," said Hagrid, beaming at her.
"The only people who can see Thestrals," she said, "are people who have seen death."
"Tha's exactly right," said Hagrid solemnly, "ten points ter Gryffindor. Now, Thestrals-"
"Hem, hem."
'Oh, shit, here we go' I thought as I heard the familiar and annoying sound of the toad.
Professor Umbridge had arrived. She was standing a few feet away from Harry, wearing her green hat and cloak again, her clipboard at the ready. Hagrid. who had never heard Umbridge's fake cough before, looked to the side of him at the unseen from my eyes creature, thinking that it had made the sounds more than likely.
"Hem, hem." she coughed again.
"Oh, hello!" Hagrid said, smiling, having located the source of the noise.
"You received the note I sent to your cabin this morning?" said Umbridge, in the same loud, slow voice she had used with him earlier, as though she were addressing somebody both foreign and very slow. "Telling you that I would be inspecting your lesson?"
"Oh, yeah," said Hagrid brightly. "Glad yeh found the place all righ'! Well, as you can see- or, I dunno-can you? We're doin' Thestrals today-"
"I'm sorry?" said Professor Umbridge loudly, cupping her hand around her ear and frowning. "What did you say?"
Hagrid looked a little confused.
"Er-Thestrals!" he said loudly. "Big-er-winged horses, yeh know!"
He flapped his gigantic arms, hoping she would get it. Professor Umbridge raised her eyebrows at him and muttered as she made a note on her clipboard: "Has ... to ... resort ... to ... crude ... sign ... language."
Hermione looked at Harry and I, jaw dropped. We have her grim looks back. We could already tell that this inspection was not going to be pretty.
"Well ... anyway ..." said Hagrid, turning back to the class and looking slightly flustered, "erm ... what was I sayin?"
"Appears ... to ... have ... poor ... short ... term ... memory," muttered Umbridge, loudly enough for everyone to hear her. Malfoy looked as though bloody Christmas had come a month early; Hermione, on the other hand, looked as if she was suppressing her rage, however, her hair, as usual, was telling on her, as it started to frizz.
"Oh, yeah," said Hagrid, throwing an uneasy glance at Umbridge's clipboard. "Yeah, I was gonna tell yeh how come we got a herd. Yeah, so, we started off with a male an' five females. This one,' he patted the air, "name o' Tenebrus, he's my special favourite, firs' one born here in the Forest-"
"Are you aware," Umbridge said loudly, interrupting him, "that the Ministry of Magic has classified Thestrals as 'dangerous'?"
Hagrid merely chuckled. "Thestrals aren' dangerous! All righ', they might take a bite outta yeh if yeh really annoy them -"
"Shows ... signs ... of... pleasure ... at ... idea ... of... violence," muttered Umbridge, scribbling on her clipboard again.
"No-come on!" said Hagrid, looking a little anxious now. "I mean, a dog'll bite if yeh bait it, won' it-but Thestrals have jus' got a bad reputation because o' the death thing-people used ter think they were bad omens, didn' they? Jus' didn' understand, did they?"
Umbridge did not answer; she finished writing her last note, then looked up at Hagrid and said, again very loudly and slowly, "Please continue teaching as usual. I am going to walk," she mimed walking (Malfoy and Pansy were having silent fits of laughter) "among the students" (she pointed around at us, mainly the Slytherins) "and ask them questions." She pointed at her mouth to indicate talking.
Hagrid stared at her, clearly at a complete loss to understand why she was acting as if he was fucking stupid. Hermione had tears of fury in her eyes now.
"You hag, you evil hag!" she whispered, as Umbridge walked towards Pansy. "I know what you're doing, you awful, twisted, vicious bitch!"
Harry and I both looked at Hermione in shock and awe. Never had I ever heard her use language like that before. It actually turned me on a bit, but due to circumstances being what they were, I took a hold to her sleeve, just in case she was plotting to kick the old woman's ass.
"Erm ... anyway," said Hagrid, clearly struggling to regain the flow of his lesson, "so -Thestrals. Yeah. Well, there's loads o' good stuff abou' them ..."
"Do you find," said Professor Umbridge in a ringing voice to Pansy, "that you are able to understand Professor Hagrid when he talks?"
Just like Hermione, Pansy had tears in her eyes, but these were tears of laughter. The bitch's answer was hard to understand over her annoying and obnoxious giggling.
"No ... because ... well ... it sounds ... like grunting a lot of the time." she said, her laugher growing with each word. I held tighter to Hermione's sleeve. Hermione may not have a go at a teacher, but I knew she wouldn't hesitate yanking Pansy's short bobbed cut hairs out of her head.
"Er ... yeah ... good stuff abou' Thestrals."continued a now extremely nervous Hagrid. " Well, once they're tamed, like this lot, yeh'll never be lost again. 'Mazin' sense o' direction, jus' tell 'em where yeh want ter go-"
"Assuming they can understand you, of course," said Malfoy loudly, and Pansy collapsed in a fit of renewed giggles. Professor Umbridge smirked at them and then turned to Neville.
"You can see the Thestrals, Longbottom, can you?" she said.
Neville nodded.
"Who did you see die?" she asked, her tone indifferent.
"My ... my grandad," said Neville.
"And what do you think of them?" she said, waving her stubby hand in the direction of the air above the stripped down cow.
"Erm," said Neville nervously, with a glance at Hagrid. "Well, they're ... er ... OK."
"Students ... are ... too ... intimidated ... to ... admit ... they ... are ... frightened," muttered Umbridge, making another note on her clipboard.
"No!" said Neville quickly, looking upset. "No, I'm not scared of them!"
"It's quite all right," said Umbridge, patting Neville on the shoulder with a fake smile. Neville snatched away from her as if she were the bloody plague.
"Well, Hagrid," she turned to look up at him again, speaking once more in that loud, slow voice, "I think I've got enough to be getting along with. You will receive" (she mimed taking something from the air in front of her) "the results of your inspection" (she pointed at the clipboard) "in ten days' time." She held up ten stubby little fingers, then, her smile wider and more toadlike than ever before beneath her green hat. She turned and walked away, leaving Malfoy and Pansy in fits of laughter, Hermione actually shaking with fury and Neville looking confused and upset.
"That foul, lying, twisting old gargoyle!" stormed Hermione half an hour later, as we made our way back up to the castle through the channels we had made earlier in the snow. "You see what she's up to? It's her thing about half-breeds all over again-she's trying to make out Hagrid's some kind of dimwitted troll, just because he had a giantess for a mother-and oh, it's not fair, that really wasn't a bad lesson at all-I mean, all right, if it had been Blast-Ended Skrewts again, but Thestrals are fine-in fact, for Hagrid, they're really good!"
"I don't know, Hermione," I said in a somewhat weary voice. "Umbitch said they're dangerous."
"Well, it's like Hagrid said, they can look after themselves," said Hermione impatiently, "and I suppose a teacher like Grubbly-Plank wouldn't usually show them to us before NEWT level, but, well, they are very interesting, aren't they? The way some people can see them and some can't! I wish I could."
"Do you?" Harry asked her quietly.
She looked suddenly horrorstruck.
"Oh, Harry-I'm sorry-no, of course I don't-that was a really stupid thing to say."
"It's OK," he said quickly, "don't worry."
"I'm surprised so many people could see them," I said, trying to take the spotlight off Harry. "Three in a class."
"Yeah, Weasley, we were just wondering," said a malicious voice.
Malfoy, Crabbe and Goyle were walking along right behind us, their footsteps muffled by the snow.
"D'you reckon if you saw someone snuff it you'd be able to see the Quaffle better?" said Ferret Fucker.
He, Crabbe and Goyle roared with laughter as they pushed past us on their way to the castle, then broke into a chorus of 'Weasley is our King'. I felt my face heat up uncontrollably.
"Ignore them, just ignore them," said Hermione, pulling out her wand and performing the charm to produce hot air again, so that she could melt us an easier path through the untouched snow between us and the greenhouses.