Chapter 173: Bah Humbug

"So Snape was offering to help him? He was definitely offering to help him?"

"If you ask. that once more," said Harry, "I'm going to stick this sprout so far up your ass-"

"I'm only checking!" I said. We were standing alone at the Burrow's kitchen sink, peeling a mountain of sprouts for Mum. Snow was drifting past the window in front of us.

"Yes, Snape was offering to help him!" said Harry. "He said he'd promised Malfoy's mother to protect him, that he'd made an Unbreakable Oath or something-"

"An Unbreakable Vow?"I said, stunned. "Nah, he can't have... Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure," said Harry. "Why, what does it mean?"

"Well, you can't break an Unbreakable Vow." I said.

"I'd worked that much out for myself, funnily enough. What happens if you break it, then?"

"You die," I said simply. "Fred and George tried to get me to make one when I was about five. I nearly did too, I was holding hands with Fred and everything when Dad found us. He went mental. Only time I've ever seen Dad as angry as Mum, Fred reckons his left buttock has never been the same since."

"Yeah, well, passing over Fred's left buttock-"

"I beg your pardon?" said Fred's voice as the twins entered the kitchen.

"Aaah, George, look at this. They're using knives and everything. Bless them."

"I'll be seventeen in two and a bit month's' time," I grumbled, "and then I'll be able to do it by magic!"

"But meanwhile," said George, sitting down at the kitchen table and putting his feet up on it, "we can enjoy watching you demonstrate the correct use of a - whoops-a-daisy!"

"You made me do that!" I said angrily, sucking my cut thumb. "You wait, when I'm seventeen-"

"I'm sure you'll dazzle us all with hitherto unsuspected magical skills," yawned Fred.

"And speaking of hitherto unsuspected skills, Ronald," said George, "what is this we hear from Ginny about you and a young lady called-unless our information is faulty-Lavender Brown?"

I grinned and turned back to the sprouts. Even though Hermione and I had kissed, Lavender and I were still going strong. She even told me she was going to get me a Christmas present .

"Mind your own business." I muttered.

"What a snappy retort," said Fred. "I really don't know how you think of them. No, what we wanted to know was... how did it happen?"

"What d'you mean?" I asked.

"Did she have an accident or something?"

"What?!" I snapped.

"Well, how did she sustain such extensive brain damage? Careful, now!"

I throw the sprout knife at Fred, who had turned it into a paper airplane with one lazy flick of his wand. Unfortunately, Mum had caught me

"Ron!" she said furiously. "Don't you ever let me see you throwing knives again!"

"I won't," I said loudly to her,"let you see," I added under my breath, as I turned back to the sprout mountain.

"Fred, George, I'm sorry, dears, but Remus is arriving tonight, so Bill will have to squeeze in with you two." said Mum.

"No problem," said George.

"Then, as Charlie isn't coming home, that just leaves Harry and Ron in the attic, and if Fleur shares with Ginny-"

"-that'll make Ginny's Christmas-" muttered Fred.

"-everyone should be comfortable. Well, they'll have a bed, anyway," said Mum, sounding slightly harassed.

"Percy definitely not showing his ugly face, then?" asked Fred.

Mum turned away before she answered.

"No, he's busy, I expect, at the Ministry."

"Or he's the world's biggest prat," said Fred, as Mum left the kitchen. "One of the two. Well, let's get going, then, George."

"What are you two up to?" I asked. "Can you help us with these sprouts? You could just use your wand and then we'll be free too!"

"No, I don't think we can do that," said Fred seriously. "It's very character-building stuff, learning to peel sprouts without magic, makes you appreciate how difficult it is for Muggles and Squibs-"

"-and if you want people to help you, Ron," added George, throwing the paper airplane at me, "I wouldn't chuck knives at them. Just a little hint. We're off to the village, there's a very pretty girl working in the paper shop who thinks my card tricks are something marvelous... almost like real magic..."

"Gits," I said darkly, watching Fred and George setting off across the snowy yard. "Would've only taken them ten seconds and then we could've gone too."

"I couldn't," said Harry. "I promised Dumbledore I wouldn't wander off while I'm staying here."

"Oh yeah," I said as I continued peeling."Are you going to tell Dumbledore what you heard Snape and Malfoy saying to each other?"

"Yep," said Harry. "I'm going to tell anyone who can put a stop to it, and Dumbledore's top of the list. I might have another word with your dad, too."

"Pity you didn't hear what Malfoy's actually doing, though."

"I couldn't have done, could I? That was the whole point, he was refusing to tell Snape."

"Course, you know what they'll all say? Dad and Dumbledore and all of them? They'll say Snape isn't really trying to help Malfoy, he was just trying to find out what Malfoy's up to." I said, rolling my eyes.

"They didn't hear him," said Harry flatly. "No one's that good an actor, not even Snape."

"Yeah... I'm just saying, though."

Harry turned to face me, frowning.

"You think I'm right, though?"

"Yeah, I do!" I said quickly. "Seriously, I do! But they're all convinced Snape's in the Order, aren't they? And you know what Hermione would say if you told her.

"Speaking of Hermione..." Harry started.

"Don't want to talk about it." I said, cutting him off.

"Okay." said Harry shortly.

On Christmas Eve night, my family and all of our guests were sitting in the living room, which Ginny had decorated so lavishly that it was rather like sitting in a paper-chain explosion. Fred, George, Harry, and I were the only ones who knew that the angel on top of the tree was actually a garden gnome that had bitten Fred on the ankle as he pulled up carrots for Christmas dinner. Stupefied, painted gold, stuffed into a miniature tutu and with small wings glued to his back, it glowered down at us all, the ugliest angel I had ever seen, with a large bald head like a potato and rather hairy feet.

We were all supposed to be listening to a Christmas broadcast by Mum's favorite singer, Celestina Warbeck, whose voice was warbling out of the large wooden wireless set. Fleur, who seemed to find Celestina very dull, was talking so loudly in the corner that Mum kept pointing her wand at the volume control, so that Celestina grew louder and louder. Under cover of a particularly jazzy number called "A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love," Fred and George started a game of Exploding Snap with Ginny. I kept shooting Bill and Fleur covert looks, mainly trying to her Bill's attention to let him know I needed to talk to him

Unfortunately, he was too involved with his fiancee to bother. Meanwhile, Remus Lupin, who was thinner and more ragged-looking than ever, was sitting beside the fire, staring into its depths as though he could not hear Celestina's voice.

"Oh, come and stir my cauldron,

And if you do it right

I'll boil you up some hot, strong love

To keep you warm tonight."

"We danced to this when we were eighteen!" said Mun, wiping her eyes on her knitting. "Do you remember, Arthur?"

"Mphf?" said Dad, whose head had been nodding over the satsuma he was peeling. "Oh yes ... marvelous tune..."

I sat back and watched Bill and Fleur interact with each other. I could tell they the two of them really loved each other, and no amount of Mum interference was going to tear them apart.

I liked Lavender. I liked her a lot actually. She was always there for a pick me up, encouragement, to laugh at all of my jokes, and overall, to snog me. However, I just could not get what Hermione and I did out of my mind. What Hermione and I shared was intense. Way more intense than anything Lavender and I had ever done. Even more intense that when Lavender had let me put her hand on her ass before leaving school.

I was really starting to miss her. Our friendship. The fact that she wasn't here not had she even sent an owl message hurt me deep. I knew I had to fix things, and no mere letter was going to do it, so I decided then and there to talk to her when we got back to Hogwarts.

"Oh, my poor heart, where has it gone?

It's left me for a spell...

.. and now you've torn it quite apart

I'll thank you to give back my heart!"

Celestina ended her song on a very long, high-pitched note and loud applause issued out of the wireless, which Mum joined in with enthusiastically.

"Eez eet over?" said Fleur loudly. "Thank goodness, what an 'orrible -"

"Shall we have a nightcap, then?" asked Dad loudly, leaping to his feet. "Who wants eggnog?"

As Dad handed out egg not to everyone, Fred pulled me over to a quiet corner of the room.

"Okay, spill." said Fred.

"Spill what?" I asked, confused.

"Don't play stupid, it was never your strong point." said Fred. "What's this shit with that Lavender Brown bint?"

I felt myself blush. "She's just my girlfriend, and that's all you need to know." I snapped.

"Wait wait...what happened to our little bookworm?" asked Fred, actually sounding genuinely concerned.

"Nothing." I said quickly. " Well, something, but... I don't wanna talk about it, okay?"

"How did she take it?" he asked, clearly not letting the situation go.

I sighed, admitting defeat. I knew he wasn't going to rest until I told him, and I knew he would enlist George for help.

"Not good." I said in a hollow voice. " She attacked me with canaries, and the last time we spoke, it wasn't very ideal conversion."

Fred sighed. "Well, I'm not all that versed in the commitment department, but I will say this. I'd rather see you with Hermione, than a girl who has colors for names."

I looked at Fred, mesmerized that were had actually had a civil conversation.

"Thanks...I think."

"Yeah, well... For the love of Merlin, don't waste your virginity on her." Fred said quickly before walking away.

"K..."

Shortly after this, Fleur decided to imitate Celestina singing "A Cauldron Full of Hot, Strong Love,".

At the sighs of Mum's face, Harry and I took it as a cue to go to bed. We climbed all the way up to my attic bedroom, where we changed and got into our beds.

Matthew didn't have many good Christmases in his life. However, this one seemed to be the best of the worst.

His grandmother had fallen ill. The same sickness as his adoptive mother had had apparently. He had found out the news on Christmas Eve, when a doctor had made a house visit and revealed everything that was going on. He felt blindsided and betrayed, angry that she would keep something so terrible from him.

However, he did not leave her side. He stayed and helped take care of his grandmother. Even when he had been called off to fight again, he turned it down. There were more important things going on than some silly war.

I woke up to Pig pecking at my ear in desperation. When I looked over, I had seen why.

He had a right sized not that had been awkwardly tied to his leg. As I went to receive it, I had seen that a charm to make it lighter had not been performed. I instantly knew that it wasn't from Hermione. She would have thought of that.

When I freed Pig of the box, he fell over, completely exhausted. I felt for the tiny bloke and pulled the top of my blanket over him, and in a few seconds, he was hooting away softly, fast asleep.

I opened the box and looked inside. I pulled out what appeared to be an extremely thick and heavy gold chain with a heart as the pendent.

"She's got to be joking..." I said out loud, waking up Harry., who looked concerned.

"What than then, Ron?"

I didn't say a word. I was rendered speechless.

"What's that?" he asked again, coming over to my bed.

"It's from Lavender," I said, completely revolted. "She can't honestly think I'd wear this shit."

Harry looked more closely and let out a shout of laughter. Dangling from the chain in large gold letters in the middle of the pendent were the words: "My Sweetheart"

"Nice," he said. "Classy. You should definitely wear it in front of Fred and George."

"If you tell them," I said, shoving the necklace out of sight under my pillow, "I-I-I'll-"

"Stutter at me?" said Harry, grinning. "Come on, would I?"

"How could she think I'd like something like that, though?" I demanded, looking at the ceiling

"Well, think back," said Harry. "Have you ever let it slip that you'd like to go out in public with the words 'My Sweetheart' round your neck?"

"Well... we don't really talk much," I admitted. "It's mainly..."

"Snogging," said Harry.

"Well, yeah," I said."Is Hermione really going out with McLaggen?"

"I dunno," said Harry. "They were at Slughorn's party together, but I don't think it went that well."

I had known for a fact that it hadn't gone well, however, I wasn't sure if the wanker had apologized to her or not and tried to make up. Seemed like something he would do if he was really trying hard to get something out of her.

I looked through my presents. My usual maroon R sweater was on top with some mince pies, along with a box of Weasley Wizard Wheezes merch from the twins, a book of dragon facts from Charlie, a replica of the first galleon used in the wizarding world from Bill, and an I.O.U. note from Ginny.

Harry's presents included a sweater with a large Golden Snitch worked onto the front, hand-knitted by Mrs. Weasley, a large box of Weasleys' Wizard Wheezes products from the twins, and a slightly damp, moldy-smelling package that came with a label reading "To Master, From Kreacher".

Harry stared at it. "D'you reckon this is safe to open?" he asked.

"Can't be anything dangerous, all our mail's still being searched at the Ministry," I said, though I couldn't help but be suspicious of the parcel as well. This was Kreacher we were dealing with.

"I didn't think of giving Kreacher anything. Do people usually give their house-elves Christmas presents?" asked Harry, prodding the parcel cautiously.

"Hermione would," I said, shrugging. "But let's wait and see what it is before you start feeling guilty."

A moment later, Harry had given a loud yell and leapt out of his camp bed; the package contained a large number of maggots.

"Nice," I said, roaring with laughter. "Very thoughtful."

"I'd rather have them than that necklace," said Harry, which shut me up. I couldn't help but agree.

Nothing from Hermione, but I should have expected that. I wouldn't have cared if she sent me one of those screaming planners again this year. I shrugged off the disappointment and put my sweater on.

Everybody was wearing new sweaters when we all sat down for Christmas lunch, everyone except Fleur (on whom, it appeared, Mum had not wanted to make one) and Mum herself, who was sporting a brand-new midnight blue witch's hat glittering with what looked like tiny starlike diamonds, and a spectacular golden necklace.

"Fred and George gave them to me! Aren't they beautiful?"

"Well, we find we appreciate you more and more, Mum, now we're washing our own socks," said George, waving an airy hand. "Parsnips, Remus?"

"Harry, you've got a maggot in your hair," said Ginny cheerfully, leaning across the table to pick it out.

"'Ow 'orrible," said Fleur, with an affected little shudder.

"Yes, isn't it?" I said, feeling the full effect of Fleur's veela charms. "Gravy, Fleur?"

In my eagerness to help her, I knocked the gravy boat flying; Bill waved his wand and the gravy soared up in the air and returned meekly to the boat.

"You are as bad as zat Tonks," Fleur said to me, when she had finished kissing Bill in thanks while I sat there embarrassed. "She is always knocking -"

"I invited dear Tonks to come along today," said Mum, setting down the carrots with unnecessary force and glaring at Fleur. "But she wouldn't come. Have you spoken to her lately, Remus?"

"No, I haven't been in contact with anybody very much," said Lupin. "But Tonks has got her own family to go to, hasn't she?"

"Hmmm," said Mum. "Maybe. I got the impression she was planning to spend Christmas alone, actually."

She gave Lupin an annoyed look, as though it was all his fault she was getting Fleur for a daughter-in-law instead of Tonks. Fleur was now feeding Bill bits of turkey off her own fork, and I couldn't help but feel slightly nauseated.

"Tonks's Patronus has changed its form," Harry said. "Snape said so anyway. I didn't know that could happen. Why would your Patronus change?"

Lupin took his time chewing his turkey and swallowing before saying slowly, "Sometimes ... a great shock ... an emotional upheaval ..."

"It looked big, and it had four legs," said Harry. "Hey ... it couldn't be-?"

"Arthur!" said Mum suddenly. She had risen from her chair; her hand was pressed over her heart and she was staring out of the kitchen window. "Arthur-it's Percy!"

"What?"

Dad and the rest of us looked quickly at the window; Ginny stood up for a better look. There, sure enough, was Percy, striding across the snowy yard, his horn-rimmed glasses glinting in the sunlight. He was not, however, alone.

"Arthur, he's-he's with the Minister!"

And sure enough, the man we had seen in the Daily Prophet was following along in Percy's wake, limping slightly, his mane of graying hair and his black cloak flecked with snow. Before any of us could say anything, before Mum and Dad could do more than exchange stunned looks, the back door opened and there stood Percy.

There was a moment's painful silence. Then Percy said rather stiffly, "Merry Christmas, Mother."

"Oh, Percy!" said Mum, and she threw herself into his arms.

I eyed Percy closely. He didn't look as if he appreciated being hugged by his own mother, which didn't sit right with me.

"The bloody fuck is he doing here?" Ginny whispered in my ear, glaring just as hard as I was at our lost brother.

Rufus Scrimgeour paused in the doorway, leaning on his walking stick and smiling as he observed the awkward scene.

"You must forgive this intrusion," he said, when Mum looked around at him, beaming and wiping her eyes. "Percy and I were in the vicinity-working, you know - and he couldn't resist dropping in and seeing you all."

Ginny, and I gave each other 'yeah right" looks. Percy showed no sign of wanting to greet any of the rest of the family. He stood, poker-straight and awkward-looking, and stared over everybody else's heads. Dad and my brothers were all observing him, stony-faced.

"Please, come in, sit down, Minister!" fluttered Mum, straightening her hat. "Have a little purkey, or some tooding... I mean -"

"No, no, my dear Molly," said Scrimgeour, as if he knew her personally. "I don't want to intrude, wouldn't be here at all if Percy hadn't wanted to see you all so badly..."

"Oh, Perce!" said Mum tearfully, reaching up to kiss him.

"... we've only looked in for five minutes, so I'll have a stroll around the yard while you catch up with Percy. No, no, I assure you I don't want to butt in! Well, if anybody cared to show me your charming garden... ah, that young man's finished, why doesn't he take a stroll with me?"

Everybody looked from Scrimgeour to Harry. Nobody seemed to find Scrimgeour's pretense that he did not know Harry's name convincing, or find it natural that he should be chosen to accompany the Minister around the garden when Ginny, Fleur, and George also had clean plates.

"Yeah, all right," said Harry into the silence.

"It's fine," he said quietly, as he passed Lupin, who had half risen from his chair. "Fine," he added, as Mr. Weasley opened his mouth to speak.

"Wonderful!" said Scrimgeour, standing back to let Harry pass through the door ahead of him. "We'll just take a turn around the garden, and Percy and I'll be off. Carry on, everyone!"

As Harry and Scrimgeour closed the door, Fred opened his mouth immediately and asked "Perce, what the bloody fuck are you doing here?"

"Fredrick Weasley!"

"It is as the Minister said." Percy said with an air of stuffiness. "We had business to take care of nearby, and I wanted to come pay my greetings."

"Bullshit, that minister pray wanted to talk to Harry, and he didn't know how to get here." said George.

"Now George!"

"It's okay, Mother, they can believe what they want." said Percy. He looked over at Ginny and I and forced a smile.

"Ronald, Ginevra." he said.

I was about to comment, but Ginny beat me to it, fast as lightning.

"Since when do you call us my our official names?" said Ginny. "Natter of fact, since when do you acknowledge us as a family? Now that your previous idiot of a leader was shown to be a liar, you wanna come and be all nice and respectful? Give me a break!"

"Ginny!"

"What are you teaching your daughter, Mother? She is completely disrespectful. Spitting like one of my brothers."

"Lay off of her, Percy." warned Bill.

Percy forced another smile. "I heard you're getting married, William. You have my congrats. Afraid I won't be able to make it to the wedding, of course. Busy busy busy."

"You don't even know when it is, you tosser." I yelled.

"Ronald Weasley!"

"It's fine, Mother. I can understand Ronald's animosity towards me, as I did tell him last year to break his friendship with Harry Potter. And all know how dear he is to him."

"You son of a-"

And we argued up until Harry stormed into the house, looking completely disgusted.