Chapter 191: Loss

The flight to my Aunt Muriel's seemed to take forever, especially since we were ducking and dodging in and out of clouds to avoid being seen. Neither of us thought until a few minutes before we arrived to put a disillusioned charm around us. Our minds weren't on that.

Tonks was extremely quiet. I could tell that she was conflicted with the decision of leaving Lupin and the others behind.

My mind was on Hermione. The last time I had seen her actual face was at Harry's, and the last words I said to her was fucking "you too." That was it.

I wondered if she was okay. She had to have been scared out of her fucking mind, wondering what she should do, if she should do anything more than just holding on.

And what about Harry? Was here okay? Did Hagrid get him out or did he fight with the others?

I felt Tonks tremble. It wasn't cold, so I knew it was from fear. I really didn't know how to comfort a grown woman. Especially a grown and married woman.

"He's fine, yeah?" I said, patting her on the back, feeling like a complete idiot. "He's trained to fight. like you said, right?"

Tonks nodded, still not saying a word. I didn't know what else to do, but her flying got a bit faster, so it must have perked her up some.

When we made it to Aunt Muriel's, the old bat was already outside waiting for us.

"Oh good heavens, what happened?!" she said, practically snatching me off the broom when Tonks landed. I found my face partially buried in old lady tits. Not fun. Not fun at all.

"We got ambushed by the Death Eaters," said Tonks, as Aunt Muriel let go of me and went to look over her.

"You just missed the Portkey, Im afraid," said Aunt Muriel. "Come in, come in, catch your breaths."

"We really need to get to the Burrow, ma'am." urged Tonks. I didn't say a word. I already knew what time it was. Auntie worse than my mother.

"Nonsense, you look peckish!" insisted Aunt Muriel, pulling us to the kitchen and sitting us down at her table. "Molly would have my neck if I didn't feed my great nephew!"

Tonks sighed and surrendered. Auntie Muriel set out tea, biscuits. and sandwiches for us. Both of us nibbled quietly as we listened for what felt like an eternity to my great aunt prattle on about how Mum had lost her mind letting me go, how anything could have happened to me, and how Tonks wedding ring was "quaint".

At that. Tonks made up the excuse of her being tired and making sure she was well awake you get us back to the Burrow safely to get us out of there. We ran out of the house, mounted the broom, and zoomed off into the night.

We were not far from the Burrow, however, Tonks put a disillusioned charm on us just in case. I held onto Tonks tightly, as she flew like a bat out of hell as the muggles say. I wasn't complaining. I wanted to get back there just as badly as she did.

20 minutes later, the area where I knew the Burrow was came in sight. We flew through the wards and took the charm off us as we began to land.

The first face I saw was Hermione's running towards me.

"It's them!"she screamed as we landed in a long skid that sent earth and pebbles everywhere.

"Remus!" Tonks cried as she staggered off the broom into Lupin's arms.

I didn't know what to say. I kept my eyes focused on Hermione, almost not realizing that Harry was there too.

"You're okay," I mumbled as Hermione flew at me and hugged me tightly. She smelled like sweat and the night, but I didn't care. She was warm against me. Warm and safe.

"I thought – I thought –"

"'M all right," I said, patting her on the back. "'M fine."

"Ron was great," I heard Tonks say as she relinquished her hold on Lupin."Wonderful. Stunned one of the Death Eaters, straight to the head, and when you're aiming at a moving target from a flying broom –"

"You did?" said Hermione, gazing up at me with her arms still around my neck.

"Always the tone of surprise," I said, breaking free. For some reason, I didn't like the way she had said it. As if I weren't capable. "Are we the last back?"

"No," said Ginny, who had popped up too looking worried. "we're still waiting for Bill and Fleur and Mad-Eye and Mundungus. I'm going to tell Mum and Dad you're okay, Ron –"

She ran back inside. Jerry gave me a quick hug and a look over. I guess trying to see if I was all in one piece.

"So what kept you? What happened?" Lupin sounded almost angry at Tonks.

"Bellatrix," said Tonks. "She wants me quite as much as she wants Harry, Remus,She tried very hard to kill me. I just wish I'd got her, I owe Bellatrix. But we definitely injured Rodolphus . . . . Then we got to Ron's Auntie Muriel's and we missed our Portkey and she was fussing over us –"

A muscle was jumping in Lupin's jaw. He nodded, but seemed unable to say anything else. He looked pissed.

"So what happened to you lot?" Tonks asked, turning to Harry, Hermione, and Kingsley.

They recounted the stories of their own journeys, but all I could think about was how my brother was still out there, as they had said he was among the missing at the moment.

"I'm going to have to get back to Downing Street, I should have been there an hour ago," said Kingsley finally, after a last sweeping gaze at the sky. "Let me know when they're back."

Lupin nodded. With a wave to the others, Kingsley walked away into the darkness toward the gate.

Mum and Dad came out, both of them hugging me tightly, Mum sobbing.

"Thank you," said Mum to Tonks and Lupin, "for our sons."

"Don't be silly, Molly," said Tonks at once.

"How's George?" asked Lupin.

"What's wrong with him?" I said.

"He's lost –"

But the end of Mum's sentence was drowned in a general out cry. Bill and Fleur appeared out of nowhere in front of us. They looked exhausted, but okay

"Bill! Thank God, thank God –" said Mum, trying to hug Bill. but he had his eyes locked on Dad's.

"Mad-Eye's dead." he said.

Nobody spoke, nobody moved. I felt like I couldn't register what Bill had said. Surely he was joking. Moody? Dead?!

"We saw it," said Bill; Fleur nodded, tear tracks glittering on her cheeks in the light from the kitchen window.

"It happened just after we broke out of the circle: Mad-Eye and Dung were close by us, they were heading north too. Voldemort – he can fly –went straight for them. Dung panicked, I heard him cry out, Mad-Eye tried to stop him,but he Disapparated. Voldemort's curse hit Mad-Eye full in the face, he fell backward off his broom and – there was nothing we could do, nothing, we had half a dozen of them on our own tail –"

Bill's voice broke.

"Of course you couldn't have done anything," said Lupin.

We stood outside, none of us daring to move. As if we were still waiting on him. Reality finally set in and we made out way into the house, Hermione clutching my arm.

"What's wrong?" said Fred, scanning our faces as we entered, "What's happened? Who's -?"

"Mad-Eye," said Dad, "Dead."

The twins' grins turned to grimaces of shock. Nobody seemed to know what to do. Tonks was crying silently into a handkerchief: She had been close to Mad-Eye, as he had trained her himself. Hagrid, who had sat down on the floor in the corner where he had most space, was dabbing at his eyes with his tablecloth-sized handkerchief.

Bill walked over to the sideboard and pulled out a bottle of fire-whisky and some glasses.

"Here," he said, and with a wave of his wand, he sent twelve full glasses soaring through the room to each of us, holding the thirteenth aloft. I thought Mum would object to Harry, Hermione, and I drinking, but she didn't seem to care at the moment.

"Mad-Eye." said Bill, raising his glass in the air.

"Mad-Eye," we all said, and drank.

"Mad-Eye," echoed Hagrid, a little late, with a hiccup.

The firewhisky burned as it went down my throat. In a way, I'm glad it did. It helped me to feel again, because I has seemed to had gone numb at the news.

"So Mundungus disappeared?" said Lupin, who had drained his own glass in one.

The atmosphere changed at once.

Everybody looked tense, watching Lupin, both wanting him to go on.

"I know what you're thinking," said Bill, "and I wondered that too, on the wayback here, because they seemed to be expecting us, didn't they? But Mundungus can't have betrayed us. They didn't know there would be seven Harrys, that confused them the

moment we appeared, and in case you've forgotten, it was Mundungus who suggested that little bit of skullduggery. Why wouldn't he have told them the essential point? I think Dung panicked, it's as simple as that. He didn't want to come in the first place, but Mad-Eye made him, and You-Know-Who went straight for them. It was enough to make anyone panic."

"You-Know-Who acted exactly as Mad-Eye expected him to," sniffed Tonks."Mad-Eye said he'd expect the real Harry to be with the toughest, most skilled Aurors. He chased Mad-Eye first, and when Mundungus gave them away he switched to Kingsley . "

"Yes, and zat eez all very good," snapped Fleur, "but still eet does not explain 'owzey know we were moving 'Arry tonight, does eet? Somebody must 'ave been careless. Somebody let slip ze date to an outsider. It is ze only explanation for zem knowing zedate but not ze 'ole plan."

She glared around at us all, silently daring any of us to contradict her. Nobody did. The only sound to break the silence was that of Hagrid hiccupping from behind his handkerchief.

"No," Harry said suddenly. "I mean . . . if somebody made a mistake, and let something slip, I know they didn't mean to do it. It's not their fault," he repeated, again a little louder than I knew he would usually have spoken, had the not been buzzed. "We've got to trust each other. I trust all of you, I don't think anyone in this room would ever sell me to Voldemort."

Everyone slowly nodded. I felt Hermione nod against my shoulder, as she was laying her head on it.

"Well said, Harry," said Fred unexpectedly.

"Year, 'ear, 'ear," said George, with half a glance at Fred, the corner of whose mouth twitched.

"Alright, you?" I whispered to Hermione.

"As well as one could be, I guess." she responded. "I would just live to go to sleep and pretend this whole ordeal didn't happen."

"In my bed, right?" I heard myself suggest, the fire whiskey causing me to obviously say shit I normally wouldn't to her.

I heard Hermione scoff. Yeah I had definitely said the wrong thing.

"We'll see." she whispered, causing me to grin slightly.

"There's work to do." I heard Lupin say. "I can ask Kingsley whether –"

"No," said Bill at once, "I'll do it, I'll come."

"Where are you going?" said Tonks and Fleur together.

"Mad-Eye's body," said Lupin. "We need to recover it."

Mum looked as if she was not fond of the idea. "Can't it - ?"

"Wait?" said Bill, "Not unless you'd rather the Death Eaters took it?"

Nobody spoke. Lupin and Bill said goodbye and left.

The rest of us now dropped into chairs, all except for Harry, who remained standing.

"I've got to go too," said Harry.

"Don't be silly, Harry," said Mum, "What are you talking about?"

"I can't stay here." He rubbed his forehead like it was irritating him.

"You're all in danger while I'm here. I don't want –"

"But don't be so silly!" said Mum. "The whole point of tonight was to get you here safely, and thank goodness it worked. And Fleur's agreed to get married here rather than in France, we've arranged everything so that we can all stay together and look after you!"

"If Voldemort finds out I'm here –"

"But why should he?" asked Mum

.

"There are a dozen places you might be now, Harry," said Dad. "He's got no way of knowing which safe house you're in."

"It's not me I'm worried for!" said Harry.

"We know that," said Dad quietly, "but it would make our efforts tonight seem rather pointless if you left."

"Yer not goin' anywhere," growled Hagrid. "Blimey, Harry, after all we wen'through ter get you here?"

"Yeah, what about my bleeding ear?" said George, hoisting himself up on his cushions.

"I know that –"

"Mad-Eye wouldn't want –"

"I KNOW!" Harry bellowed.

There was a long and awkward silence in which everybody watched Harry closely, ready to pounce if he tried anything.

"Where's Hedwig, Harry?" Mum said coaxingly. "We can put her up with Pigwidgeon and give her something to eat."

Harry tugged, drinking the last of his firewhisky to avoid answering. Hermione and I looked at each other, each of us guessing what probably happened.

"Wait till it gets out yeh did it again, Harry," said Hagrid. "Escaped him, fought him off when he was right on top of yeh!"

"It wasn't me," said Harry flatly. "It was my wand. My wand acted of its own accord."

After a few moments, Hermione said gently, "But that's impossible, Harry. You mean that you did magic without meaning to; you reacted instinctively."

"No," said Harry. "The bike was falling, I couldn't have told you where Voldemort was, but my wand spun in my hand and found him and shot a spell at him, and it wasn't even a spell I recognized. I've never made gold flames appear before."

"Often," said Dad, "when you're in a pressured situation you can produce magic you never dreamed of. Small children often find, before they're trained –"

"It wasn't like that," said Harry through gritted teeth. "I'm going out for some fresh air."

He set down his glass and left the room.

Everyone turned their attention to Hermione and I.

"Ron, what can I say to him?" asked Mum.

I shrugged. "Harry's just put out right now, he may need a minute.

"But what if he runs off?" asked George. ""I didn't get this gaping hole on the side of my head for nothing."

"How the bloody-"

"Ron, see to him." said Mum, cutting me off.

I looked at Hermione, who nodded, and the two of us got up and went outside.

Hard was standing at the gate, clutching it as if it was a lifeline.

"Harry?" said Hermione as we approached him. He didn't answer right away. His eyes were clenched shut, he was baring his teeth, as if he was in pain.

A few seconds later, he relaxed and looked at us as if he only just realized we were there.

"Harry, come back in the house," Hermione whispered, "You aren't still thinking of leaving?"

"Yeah, you've got to stay, mate," I said, thumping Harry on the back.

"Are you alright?" Hermione asked, looking into Harry's face."You look awful!"

"Well," said Harry shakily, "I probably look better than Ollivander. . . ."

He began to tell us his You Know Who was interrogating Ollivander about his wand and what had happened. He accused Ollivander of working with Harry and he had apparently cursed him, from what Hary described, with a crucio.

When he had finished telling us what he had seen, I was disgusted, but

Hermione was downright terrified.

"But it was supposed to have stopped! Your scar – it wasn't supposed to do this anymore! You mustn't let that connection open up again – Dumbledore wanted you to close your mind!" she yelled.

When Harry did not reply, she gripped his arm.

"Harry, he's taking over the Ministry and the newspapers and half the Wizarding world! Don't let him inside your head too!"

Harry sighed. Poor mate. He just looked done, as if he wanted to say fuck it all and quit before we even began.

He hugged Hermione to him and opened up his arm for me to join in. We stood there just hugging each other, silently mourning both Moody and our childhood, which, when you thought about it. ended the moment we met each other on the Hogwarts Express our first year.

"I love you guys," I heard Harry whisper. I wanted to take the mickey, wanted to tell him the fire whiskey had gotten to his head. However, I knew it wasn't the time.

We went back in and we all made the silent decision to go straight to my room. Apparently everyone understood, because no one followed us.

Harry walked over to his bed. plopped down face first, and was sleep within minutes. Hermione and I sat on my bed and just watched him sleep for awhile.

I laid down, boldly pulling Hermione down beside me. She laid down, laying her head on my chest while I undid the braid in her hair. I ran my fingers through it, enjoying my fingers getting tangled up in her soft curls.

"Ron?"

"Yeah, Mione?"

"Tonight, when you wasn't back before me, I thought...I was so..."

"Shhhhh...I'm fine, remember? I'm here." I said, turning my head to face her hair.

"But I was so scared when the fighting began." Hermione poured out. "I was useless to Kingsley. I just held onto him as if I was some frightened child. But you? You helped Tonks. You stunned some Death Eaters. You were so brave."

"You were brave too, Hermione." I said, kissing the top of her head. "The fact that you risked your life for our snoring best mate over there? That's bravery enough. I was scared too when we separated. I was so worried about you. Tonks said we had to keep going, and all I could think about was going to find you, making sure you was okay. When I saw you running towards me...damn Mione, you're turning me into a sodding tosser, you are."

"Language, Ron." whispered Hermione, popping me playfully on the chest. "I'm just happy that you're okay. If anything happened to you, I don't know what I would do."

"You would have Harry," I said, feeling a bit nervous about saying that.

"Of course, but I wouldn't have you. And the thought of that really breaks my heart." whimpered Hermione. I could feel a bit of wetness through my shirt. She had started crying. I turned to face her, hugging her closer to me.

"Don't think about that, alright?" I said. "Don't you think on it. You'll never have to worry about that because I'm never gonna leave you."

Hermione looked up at me, her beautiful eyes shining in the moonlight. "Do you promise?" she asked.

"Of course I do ," I said. "I promise you, I'm not going anywhere."

Hermione smiled at me and kissed my chin. I would have loved it if she had come a bit higher, but tonight wasn't the night to even consider trying to snog her senseless. Just having her in my arms was enough for me at that moment.

Besides, I didnt think Harry would fancy waking up to see his best mates having a snogging session in the bed across from him.