A/N: Things will pick up from here :3 If you like a slow burn, know everything is going to be a bit earned in this story.
Ch. 3 - Talk No Jutsu (Part I)
Now that she thinks about it, wine and cheese has a sort of intimate color to it. Maybe she shouldn't have asked. Given the mask, perhaps it's not even something he'd partake in.
His eye drops to the wine bottle in his hand. The responsible part of him knows that he should have declined. But instead:
"Sure."
That's all she needs to pick up the cheese board and present it to him. "Can you carry this too? Follow me."
Why not take advantage of what she can?
Kakashi's mind is still racing from the internal battle just seconds before. She breaks his thoughts as another object is thrust towards him. He takes the board, this time letting his fingers overlap hers in the exchange.
Cold fingers. Real. Three-dimensional. The fact puts him at ease as much as it fires up his faculties.
"Lead the way." He says coolly, completely unbothered.
She's rather bothered. But now is not the time to lose her nerve.
It's an old house at its center. The hallways are narrow, and the floorboards make unpleasant sounds. A few steps up some iron stairs lead out to the addition that's less finished. It's more or less a long porch, a raised platform with a frame built over it. A few thin walls have been raised though far from complete.
Kakashi follows her, his eye drifting across her back and shoulders. Then the door opens, and the smell of the sea hits him. He has to stop himself from inhaling too deeply.
The air is thin and salty. The ocean whirs in the background like an HVAC.
Even as dusk falls, the night is bright on the water. High elevation coupled with the reflective surface of the ocean give the air a misty quality, refracting light in every molecule of it. The soft glow of the white rocks creates the perennial effect of golden hour.
He feels like he's suddenly grown sea legs, coming from a landlocked nation. And now a panoramic view of the shoreline. An air filled with the sound of waves.
Just a few meters ahead is a worktable with metal stools scattered around it. Enough to comfortably sit at.
Inori smooths the front of her dress as she steps further into the open air. It's hardly necessary, the dress beyond the point of saving.
The wind curls around her and she blinks a few errant hairs out of her face. She presents a broad smile to the open sight lines. The blue horizon line.
Home.
A reward for a grueling month now coming to a close. And the party of one is now a party of two.
Kakashi observes the smile on her face, the way her eyes crinkle at the corners, the relief that seems to spread through her body.
Joy.
He leans against a beam. His eye leaps off her form to scan the horizon. It seems endless. The moon is high in the sky before the sun's descent has even begun. Has he ever seen the celestial bodies together like this before?
"Beautiful." His voice is muffled by the wind. She barely catches the word.
"Right? I love it up here." It's impossible not to beam at sharing this private view with someone. To not behold its image all alone for once.
He agrees, his voice soft. The words are lost to the wind this time.
He turns to face her, his spine pressing against the wood. "I don't think there's a view comparable to this in the Land of Fire." Kakashi's eye is trained on her. "It's a view I'm not used to, but I hope to become more familiar with it."
The comment lands squarely between her eyes. As he intended. The wine bottle slips in her hand slightly, clonking onto the table before she can place it.
"It's always been one of the better places, in my life, over the years… I can imagine there's nothing like this in the Land of Fire." Laugh. She's losing her nerve.
Inori sits on the edge of a stool, stretching her legs in front of her before crossing them at the ankle. "I like that it's private and can be a little oasis of sorts."
"An oasis." He repeats, a hint of a smile touching his lips. He pushes off the beam and takes a seat on the stool next to hers. He props his heel on the bottom rung and stretches a long leg under the table, loosely framing her body in a V-shape. "Away from the hustle and bustle, huh?"
"Yeah, absolutely." Her eyes trail upward as he sits down. She's not quite sure what she's gotten herself into.
Just a casual chat with someone who's stopping through for a couple days. Right?
Just a chat. It's not that deep.
Kakashi watches her spill crackers out next to the cheese. Stale, kind of weird looking. It's a rather dry board. He can feel the dryness on his tongue just from looking at it.
He suppresses a vague feeling of disgust. As if soldier pills are any prize.
He shifts in his chair, trying to find a more comfortable position.
His arm brushes hers. She shifts her own arm back and covers for it by pouring her glass.
The moment passes.
His stomach rumbles, emitting an unattractive sound. They both pause. It reverberates between them longer than it should.
She can't help but laugh at how absurd it was in breaking the silence. He's grateful to hear the melody of her laugh again. Even if it's at his expense. Embarrassing.
Inori elbows him, a bit pointier than intended. "You know you're allowed to have some of this too! There's much more here than what I can finish by myself."
She's disarming, isn't she? He's used to tense silences, serious conversations, and sarcastic remarks between colleagues. Using a stern voice with students. Not even wanting to talk to his students most days.
The sound of laughter, lighthearted and genuine, is a bit unfamiliar to him. From a woman, it's refreshing.
He chuckles in response. It gradually fades into a tired sigh. "I didn't mean to ruin the ambiance."
"Oh, there's no ambiance to ruin! You're already doing me a favor just by keeping me company, really." She's quick to wave away the words. Deflect and manage expectations.
She tips her head back to take a full swig of wine. Sugary. Sweet. What she's been craving since the moment she pulled her suitcase over the threshold.
Kakashi leans back as well, the metal stool creaking beneath his weight. A better vantage point to see her drink. To see the way her chin rises, the way her throat moves as she swallows.
"Happy to be of service."
His reasons for close observation are getting murky. Undeniably so.
He shifts again, this time his knee brushing against hers. It's a small table, but the light touches are starting to feel intentional. She had written it off as a sort of casual carelessness from him. Maybe fidgety energy. But now it feels intentional.
She tucks more hair into the oversized clip on the back of her head before returning to her wine.
Make conversation. She starts.
"So." She nods a few times before jumping in. "I know absolutely nothing about you. And like I said before, I never, well - you know - interact with shinobi, let alone one from the Leaf. Come to think of it, I don't think I've ever met someone from the Hidden Leaf Village..."
He listens as if rapt by her words. But they're meandering, not going anywhere particularly interesting. Embarrassing.
She searches for more words. Any words.
"Do you like your line of work?" It's the best she can do.
His eye rolls to the side as if giving the question considerable thought.
"Like is a strong word." He says after a pause. "It's more of a... necessity. A duty. My duty, to be exact."
He presses a hand to the back of his neck before letting it fall to drum against the table. "As for it being my line of work, I've always been a shinobi. It's the only thing I've ever known."
A blunt answer. An economy of words.
No frills. Perhaps that's what separates shinobi from civilians to an extent: No frills.
His fingers shift to his stool, tapping on the metal. She thoughtfully pinches a cracker between her fingers. Her eyes focus in on it. It's stale enough to squish instead of split.
Make conversation. She continues.
"How old were you when you started?"
Kakashi glances down at his fingers on his seat, the sound of them tap-tap-tapping. The question takes him by surprise. It's an unusual one.
"I was about six." He answers, almost automatically. "I was a bit of a prodigy." He leans forward to rest his forearms on his thighs. His hands dangle between his knees as if the answer were nothing spectacular.
"That's so young!" She openly balks at this, unable to hide the concern on her face.
Just a child.
A prodigy at what? Weapons? Combat? Fighting? Killing? The thought sends a chill through her. He's a weapon of war in a way, but to think that this has been his life since the age of six...
It's an unimaginable life. Not one of safety and regularity and small problems like hers. Even when her childhood felt its scariest.
She falls quiet. He looks up, his eye fixing on her. The emotions pass over her face.
He's used to the expression. The way people recoil in horror, learning just how young he was when thrust into a life of constant warfare. But there's a pain in seeing it come so easily from her. Hers is a face he doesn't want to see crestfallen. Not like this.
One eye directly connects with two. "It was a different world back then." He murmurs, his voice deep in his chest.
She was born towards the end of the war, and here he had been fighting since the beginning of it. Somewhere in his youngest years.
"Peace is hard-won, isn't it?" Her words are more of a statement than a question.
Kakashi nods at this. He'd never given much thought to how those outside the shinobi world viewed it, but the sympathy on her face is oddly comforting.
"It is. And peace is just as easily lost." He breezes past the statement. It's old hat to him. "But I teach now, though I was reluctant about it at first…"
Because that would mean more blood on his hands.
"I'm pleased to say that I have a good crop of students…"
Because he wasn't allowed to fail this group out of the academy.
"I'm proud of them. Sincerely, I really am…"
Always.
"And they give me something to be proud of."
Only if they don't die before me.
Anywhere but here.
The tone has shifted to something solemn. She was going to say how she teaches too, but she doesn't.
She doesn't regret her line of questioning. It was fairly procedural as far as introductions go. But there's the urge to steer away now.
Make different conversation. She continues.
"What's your life outside of teaching?"
He considers her question for a moment, taking his time to answer. Likes and dislikes were another unusual topic for him. His life outside of being a shinobi has always been somewhat of a mystery. Even to himself.
What is his life outside of his duties?
"Not much, if I'm being honest." He adds on the exhale: "I read a lot."
The answer delights her. A warm smile.
"A fellow bookworm!" The enthusiasm is earnest. "I've always been a reader as a sort of escapism myself. Books are easy to get lost in."
Kakashi smiles faintly as she exclaims about their shared love of books. The enthusiasm wasn't something he expected.
"Yes, they are easy to get lost in, aren't they?" He leans back and crosses his arms. "Reading can transport you to different worlds, different lives... It's a way to escape, even if only for a little while. Maybe that's my version of having an oasis."
He looks at her too long, too closely, too intentionally. He catches his error.
A moment of intuition. She feels watched. He turns away before she can react.
Kakashi glances out at the horizon. A lighthouse pans far beyond them. His silver hair fiercely reflects the moon, a bright focal point as shocks of it are picked up by the wind before flopping back down.
He's having an entirely different conversation with himself than he is with her. She wants to jump into his head. There's not a lot of him to see, being so covered up. But there's a compelling energy underneath it all.
"What do you like to read?"
He feels observed. It's an unusual sensation, being observed so closely by a civilian. By anyone, really.
"I have a pretty varied taste. I read a lot of literature - both fiction and non-fiction - as well as some history. And, of course, my old favorite..." A hint of humor in his eye.
"'Old favorite'?" Now it's her turn to lean forward. She rests an elbow on the table before placing her chin in her hand.
The shift in her position has drawn his eye down to the neckline of her dress, the way the fabric drapes gently over the collarbone. A hint of skin. No visible straps under the fabric. Interesting.
"I- Ah, well, it's a little embarrassing." He's really stepped in it. Kakashi curses internally at the way he stuttered and the way his eye involuntarily ogled her. It's unlike him to get flustered.
She cocks an eyebrow at this, her curiosity sufficiently piqued. "'Embarrassing'? Now I can't let you not tell me." Pure mischief.
"It's a series…" His voice laced with reluctance. "A series of, ah, romance novels, to be exact."
Romance novels? She didn't expect that at all. Romance novels like the ones aunties gossip about at salons? Romance novels like beach reads? Smut? Her mouth hangs open for a moment as the thought grips her.
Now that's a... surprise.
"That is, well… the very last thing I expected you to say." Now she gets why he prefaced this with feeling embarrassed. "At least you have the right sense to be embarrassed about it."
Kakashi watches as her surprise morphs into disbelief and then into laughter. He feels a twinge of regret for admitting it, but he's more amused than anything else.
"Yes, unexpected, huh?" His tone a mix of sheepishness and sarcasm. "A serious, no-nonsense person like myself reading cheesy romance novels... it's quite the dichotomy, isn't it? But those are the facts."
She gestures emphatically at him with her free hand. "Well, yeah! At least the irony isn't lost on you! Geez, that would've made all of this so much more questionable-"
Kakashi chuckles under his breath at the animated way she gestures. He brushes his knee against hers again and she makes it a point to bump him back with her own. Her knee scolds his: I see what you're doing.
He plays it off, his expression neutral.
"I never said I wasn't self-aware." He replies dryly, his eye fixed on her face.
The comment lands squarely between her eyes. As he intended. Her chin slips off her hand for a brief moment. The effect amuses him more than it should.
"But in regard to reading romance novels… there's something reassuring about a guaranteed happy ending, don't you think?" A pause. "Especially with the kind of life I lead."
A pang of realization shoots through her the moment he finishes his thought. Something comforting and reassuring about a 'guaranteed happy ending.' Again, he says the last thing she expected.
The no-nonsense man comes through. He might be painfully too self-aware. Too much for his own good. It even colors a guilty pleasure that others would engage in thoughtlessly.
She falls quiet again, thoughtful. "Why romance though?"
"Why romance..." He muses aloud. His stool creaks. "I suppose... it's because I don't really know anything about love. Or romance. In my line of work, there's no room for it. For any kind of intimate emotional connection, really."
Kakashi pauses, his eye flitting over her face. He's direct. Open in the way that only someone who feels like they have nothing to lose can be. She finds a sadness in the way he can readily lay it all out there.
He's older than her, but he's still young. Living a lot of life without having much of a life. The real irony.
"No room for it at all?" She's having a hard time taking this part at face value.
Kakashi tilts his head slightly. There's something refreshingly naïve about the way she tries to understand his reality.
"That's right. No room for it at all." Flat and matter-of-fact. "When you spend most of your time on the battlefield, the only thing you can focus on is surviving to fight another day. Keeping your comrades alive. Love, romance, emotional connections... they're just distractions. Distractions that can get you killed."
The bottom of her stomach feels like it's dropping out. Love, romance, and emotional connection are distractions that could get you killed. How brutal.
He's mourned bigger things than her no doubt. Less frivolous things. Even though the weight of her life never felt frivolous to her, it must be to someone like him.
She suddenly feels silly sitting here, indulging in something decadent like wine and cheese. And doing it so casually and thoughtlessly in front of him. She hadn't realized that this was maybe something to be embarrassed about.
"That's a good reason to read then."
He almost feels guilty for possibly upsetting her, but this is a hard truth with no room for fantasy. Dreams or illusions. Alternate universes that can never be.
There's just the here and now.
Anywhere but here.
"It is. I can live vicariously through fictional characters' love lives."
It makes her sad. There's no other way to put it. In a short period of time, she could tell that he's a kind man. Thoughtful. Introspective. Soft-spoken. Intelligent.
Somehow having a strong sense of self despite having a life of few choices.
There's no reassuring him because that would be false. His life is a fixed reality. And it would be an insult to his intelligence to suggest anything otherwise.
Not a time to be naïve.
But despite it all, she likes his careful words. She likes his voice. Her heart pounds.
"I suppose so then."
She presses her knee into his.