Chapter 2 - Ultimatum

Ahsoka's screams echoing through the Force is something Vader will never shake from mind. Clearly they don't need a Force bond anymore for him to be able to feel that. He'd sensed it and came, as soon as he was able. At first, he thought it was his imagination, but then it persisted and he had to know.

He cannot believe none of the inquisitors mentioned that they had captured her.

The more he thinks about it now, the more he begins to question if those were orders from Sidious too. Because Sidious tried to have her killed. He hurt Ahsoka and that is not something Vader will ever forget.

He will get answers, no matter the unclenching terror twisting inside of him at the thought of facing his master. He's never ready for that.

He can feel it as his form flickers in and out of existence with how much energy he presently has. The pain of it isn't physical but it's a never-ending all-consuming need to take in more energy to keep himself here.

He tried to stop it once.

When he first awakened, saw what Sidious had made him, he refused to... eat the way Sidious designed for him.

He wouldn't do it for days until the agony of being written out of existence was so much that some subconscious part of him refused to respond to his conscious desire not to keep sucking energy into himself.

The hunger had been too much. It's a constant desire, eating him inside out. All he can feel is hunger now, but not in the physical sense. It's worse. Unnatural. And he can feel that hunger now, still humming below the surface. At least it's temporarily been satiated from when he... killed that inquisitor. It had only been half thought-through, but he'd been so angry when he saw him standing there, casually watching Ahsoka scream as though this wasn't his little Snips, his little sister.

And Sidious impressed on him harshly enough already that he should... use the lives he has to take to feed himself, or he won't be able to control who's life he sucks out next.

The guards throughout the hall shy away from him.

He keeps himself invisible to use even less energy and so that the rumors of the ghost that consumes souls don't spread. Sidious doesn't want it getting out.

The throne room is dark as Vader enters, not that darkness matters much to him. He's nothing but a shadow now. And he can feel it in every fiber of his non-existent body.

He kneels in front of the throne immediately, as is expected of him, even if he's so angry right now.

"Lord Vader," Sidious murmurs, yellow eyes boring down on him through the darkness. The only other light in the room is the circle of glowing red holocrons around Sidious' throne. It forms a barrier with the Dark Side. Vader has no delusions that it's to protect himself from Vader's... hunger. "You seem distressed."

"You ordered Ahsoka killed." He doesn't know what to say other than being blunt.

"So you've found her again?" he asks calmly, studying him.

Vader lifts his head, anger burning tight in his chest. "Yes."

"And what was she doing when you found her?"

He pauses. They were hunting her for being a rebel. He knows where his master is going with this. "The Empire turned on her. She has had no choice but to live in hiding." He can't support whatever Ahsoka's been doing but he's not going to let her die.

"Are you speaking in favor of a rebel, Lord Vader?" Sidious asks mildly.

His fear flares and it rapidly bleeds to a wild fury and hatred. "She would stand with me, if I explain it."

"Then try," Sidious replies, "If that is what you believe."

He pauses. That's not... what he expected to hear.

"I have no objection with her siding with us, Lord Vader. But you must understand that I could not take risks. Knowing how loyal she was to the Jedi once, I find it difficult to believe that she will choose to turn against them."

"She will understand," he insists, even if he knows way inside that – he doesn't know that.

Obi-Wan was willing to kill him. And that – Vader doesn't know what that says for what he's become, what he's done. He has to believe it's all been for something but – but –

None of this is what he wants anymore. He wants to be gone. He wants – rest. Freedom. Even if it's the one thing he definitely doesn't deserve now. He wants to stop remembering the searing agony of the flames as they consumed him until the world finally went mercifully dark, because even if Obi-Wan killed him, that doesn't mean he'd made it fast. He doesn't know how a spirit could have nightmares still but he does.

"I will be expecting results," his master says, leaning forward.

"She is unwell," Vader blurts, "She will need time to recover."

"You will have the time you need," he murmurs, "But I hope your feelings on this matter are clear, Lord Vader."

His nonexistent heart skips a beat. "They are."

"Are they? You are a traitor, Lord Vader."

He jerks. "I – "

"You were a traitor to the Jedi, to Kenobi and to Senator Amidala," Sidious purrs.

Vader ducks his head. It's true. It's true and it cuts so sharply to his core, he doesn't think he'd be able to breath at all if he still needed to.

No matter who was right in the conflict, it doesn't change that Vader did betray them and he knows that.

Fire burns through his mind again.

"You were the Chosen One – "

No, no. He doesn't want to remember.

"Do not do so again, Lord Vader," Sidious goes on. He sounds too calm. "I gave you a life back. I gave you a purpose you never would have had, after your master slaughtered you without mercy. Who do you owe your loyalty to?"

He can't look up from the floor now. It's – true. He's so ungrateful. Forever ungrateful, even if he knows what this still is.

Slavery.

The one thing he never left.

Even if the one thing he loathes Sidious for the most is that he didn't let him die. But maybe that's just because the problem is him and it always has been. He's never enough. He always fails. Always messes everything up. "My loyalty is to you, Master," he vows, with more surety than he feels.

"Then go. I will await your report on... turning her."

He knows what this means, what this ultimatum will result in. And there's only so long he'll be able to stretch out the answers if she doesn't give in. He hastily shoves the thoughts from mind, lest Sidious sense any traces of disloyalty. "Yes, Master."

It's all he can say. It's all he's been able to say his entire life.

**w**

Vader goes back to Ahsoka's room in the Works as soon as he's out of the throne room, stopping only briefly to pick up some food for her. Considering that he's holding food, he has to make himself physical on the way back. And he doesn't like doing that because it... wears out the energy he has and that means the hunger comes back.

He doesn't want to wake her so he just waits silently, wrapping the Force around him as tightly as he can to make sure the hunger doesn't take over instinctively. It's a constant, desperate gnawing sensation and the only thing that makes it fade away is... within the first few hours after he absorbs a life or parts of a life.

What has he become?

At least he's been able to gain a small measure of control over it. Or thinks he has, anyway He hasn't really had long to experiment.

It's not long before Ahsoka wakes up again, not that Vader's surprised by that. She sits up slowly, rubbing her eyes with a quiet sigh, but she perks up the moment she sees him standing there.

"Anakin?"

"That is... no longer who I am," he points out quietly. Anakin was light. At least he tried to be. Vader is a monster. An absorber of souls. A thing that shouldn't exist.

Ahsoka's face scrunches and he can see the pain in her eyes. "I don't want to call you a Sith name."

"It's what I am, Ahsoka," he responds tiredly, even if he knows well why she doesn't want to.

"I know." She crosses her arms, looking none too happy.

"Here," he says, stepping closer, "I thought you may be hungry." He holds out the food to her.

Ahsoka shifts closer to take it, setting it on the bunk next to her to start eating. "Do you still eat?"

"No." He misses real food. Anything would be better than this. All he can feel is the Dark constantly and it's choking him. It was bad already right after he Fell and destroyed the Jedi, but this is much worse. It's not darkness and power. It's a constant ceaseless darkness in his very soul that takes and takes from everything around him and he can hardly control it and he can't feel anything Light at all.

Couldn't even if he tried anyway probably because he killed Padme and his child, and – He can't trust himself to take care of Ahsoka now after what he did. But at least that darkness from Falling was natural, not – this. He wants to feel anything but this but it won't stop. There's no way out again. Not even death.

This is eternity.

It's too much to even think about facing when he actually starts to. There is no end. Not this time. In any harsh circumstances, there's usually still the hope that it'll change someday, even if it's decades. Or that death will take them.

But not this. It's never going to end. He'll be trapped in this living nightmare of death forever. Unless Sidious chooses to grant him solace and he will not. The hopelessness of it is too much and it only fuels the darkness eating him inside out. It only makes him want to lash out and hurt, because he lost everything and now he'll be trapped in this nightmare forever.

Ahsoka huffs, kicking at her bunk with an unnecessary dramatic thump. He tries not to watch her when she starts eating.

He's just putting off the inevitable conversation and he needs to stop stalling.

"Is this your room?" she asks, between mouthfuls.

He wants to eat. He just wants – "No. I... have no need for that any longer."

Ahsoka's face twists. She's never been one for crying but she looks like she's about to again.

It makes his heart clench violently. "Snips?" he asks, shifting forward worriedly. "What's... wrong?"

"What isn't?" she bursts out, "You're dead and I – I wanted to get to see you again and then I thought you were actually here but you're still gone and – you're a Sith and Sidious has his stupid Empire and there's nothing I can do about it."

He's not capable of physically crying anymore but he wants to himself. He can't begin to speak for badly he wants so much of that to change but it's too late. This is his forever now. "I cannot speak for how much I want to undo what I have caused, but I cannot."

"We can still stop Sidious, can't we?" she demands.

Panic rushes through him wildly at the words. "There is no way and without him, the galaxy would collapse into civil war. The emperor will show you mercy if you stand with me. We can... bring peace, Ahsoka. Not the peace the Empire is allegedly bringing now – something real."

She's staring at him and from the look on her face, he already knows what the answer is going to be. "No," she says firmly, "I've seen what the Empire's doing. And I can't forget what they've done. I know you know it's not right, Master."

"I do, but there is – no other way. The Republic hurt so many as well. We can either fight to make it better or... destroy everything we have always fought for." At the end of the day, the Empire is what they fought to make during the clone wars, willingly or not. Everything they scarified then can't be for nothing.

"That's not what you would have told me once," Ahsoka says after a pause, studying him. "I started fighting the Empire because I believed it's what you would want."

All he can feel now is a bone-deep shame and exhaustion. She's not all wrong but he's not what he was. He's not even a living being anymore. "That is not... who I am anymore."

She stands abruptly, approaching him. "Can't we kill Sidious together? He's hurt so many. He doesn't deserve to get away with it."

Vader couldn't agree more but – "I cannot. He surrounds himself in a veil of darkness that I cannot break through."

"Then can't we leave? You know Sidious is going to want me dead again. He won't let this go and I'm not going to join the Empire."

The helpless desperation that floods him is overwhelming and he doesn't know what to do. He can't let her die but he can't force her to join the Dark either. He doesn't want her to have to feel a shred of the darkness that he does now, but... Then what is he supposed to do?

"Sidious has bound me, Ahsoka. I cannot go far from him without his permission. He can use the holocrons to... force me to return." Whenever Sidious wants to summon him, he can feel a sharp tug at his... what would once be his hear. Where the energy of the Dark Side is concentrated. Sidious can pull on it hard enough to take him back to where the holocrons are centered, if he tries.

Horror flickers through her eyes. "How could he do that?"

"I do not know." Nor does he know if it's reversible. And even if it was – he has no way to break it. Only Sidious could and he won't.

"I should kill him just for that," Ahsoka says, glowering.

"Revenge is not the Jedi way," he reminds instinctively, because there's a part of him that still – feels the need to teach her the way he always has, even if they don't even have the same beliefs anymore.

"I'm not a Jedi anymore," Ahsoka replies bluntly and Vader winces internally, looking away. As if he could ever forget that, or the never-ending emptiness he felt after she left. Nor that he could hold it against her because he knows what why she did but it was still so – empty after that. He never forgave the Council for what they did to her. Never could. "And in this case, stopping him doesn't have anything to do with revenge."

Vader sighs. "I do not want you harmed, Ahsoka, and he is... too powerful."

What is he saying? What is he thinking? He can't be seriously considering betraying Sidious. He knows how that could end. For Ahsoka, at least, even if Sidious can't do much to him. Or can he? That he hasn't outright hurt him in this form doesn't mean he can't.

"There's got to be something we can do. If the galaxy – the Empire even –is going to have a chance, it never will as long as he's alive."

He knows that and he should not be thinking about it. But he is and he needs to stop. Maybe put this off for later or – something. Anything else.

He's hungry.

Ugh. He shouldn't be getting hungry again but it's gnawing inside of him and he tries to tighten the Force around himself – he doesn't even know if this works, he's just trying to make it – so it doesn't start reaching out instinctively. It just makes it feel like he's smothering himself when he does that, like he's intentionally making it hard for himself to breathe.

Ahsoka sighs, her almost-adorable-feral-face fading to exhausted again. She's still not well.

"I should get a medical droid to look over your injuries," Vader says.

"Can I see your face first?" Ahsoka blurts.

Vader stills. "I have never... appeared in any other form. This is how I... was when I awakened." He suspects it's the form Sidious chose for him, because he's able to control that about him too. Vader doesn't know exactly what he looks like. He doesn't want to.

He doesn't want to see the face of a monster staring back at him.

"But this isn't even a body. Can't you control it at all?" she asks, "I just – I miss you."

He breathes out heavily, a sharp pang running through his him. He could never say no to Ahsoka. "I miss you too, Snips. I do not know if I can do this but I can... try."

Ahsoka's watching him expectantly and he can't turn this down if he has the chance. He's missed her so much too.

Vader reaches inwards, trying to focus on –

Sort of what he looks like.

He focuses on how he used to look and then tries to project that outwards. He doesn't think he has any idea what he's doing but then it feels like his form is starting to shift. The blackness of it is shifting away, taking with it a rush of the constantly dwindling energy inside of him.

But when he looks down, it's to see the same dark Jedi robes that he once wore.

This is... wrong.

He shouldn't look like this. He shouldn't get to after what he did.

Ahsoka's eyes widen, something torn between pain and happiness. "Master," she breathes.

The hunger floods him full-force. He's so – so hungry. He needs – needs to –

No.

Stop.

He can't consume anything right now and he struggles to hold back on it,

It's dark and cold and raging and it feels like he can't breathe. Can't – anything. Can't focus.

This is the first time Ahsoka's seen his face in so long and all he can think about is that he's hungry. It's ridiculous.

He wishes the cold would stop but it never does. He used to be a bit warmer than normal... humans. At least that's what he was always told. Now, all he ever feels is cold, eating him inside out and nothing makes it go away.

He used to like cold, considering how hot it was on Tatooine, it was relieving to feel something else. But now he just – wants it to stop.

Ahsoka steps closer, laying a hand on his arm. The sensation isn't real like physical touch but he can still feel it on some level, the first person who's touched him in so long. Since he died in the first place.

Something warms ripples through him at the touch and his heart lurches. He wants to reach out for it desperately, to chase away this cold and hunger but he roughly tamps down on the desire, and the suffocating feeling comes back full force. Drowning in cold. He didn't know that was a thing until now. A cold that's deep in his bones and nothing will ease it.

And now, all he wants is to eat. To make this stop. To –

He wasted energy shifting.

That was... stupid.

"I can't hold this form, Ahsoka. I'm sorry." He lets it drop quickly, before he wastes anymore energy on it.

It still hurts when Ahsoka's face fades to disappointment.

"I can't just leave things like this, Master," Ahsoka says determinedly, looking up at him.

He knows that look and he knows where it could end. She's not going to let this go and he doesn't want to think about what it could mean. He doesn't know what to say to her to make her stop either.

It's hard to think of that at all when he can't focus on anything but the nagging hunger and cold.

"I'll get the medical droid," he offers finally, floating out of the room without another word.

They have one in the Works which Vader brings there. He hovers in the room, mostly immaterial, as it checks her over and gives her an injection for her internal electrical injuries, and then gives her strict orders to rest for a while.

His heart aches desperately as he watches her, just... remembering. He's missed her so much. He never wants to let her out of his sight again. And yet –

"I suppose you're going to force me to bed now," Ahsoka says a bit teasingly, catching his gaze once the droid is gone.

"I will."

'Can you stay?" she asks hopefully, for a moment looking every bit the eighteen-year-old child she is still.

"Unless Sidious calls me, yes." He could never say no. He has nothing else, except his blind fight for the Empire, and all he wants is to be with her.

She nods, looking relieved as she flops out on her back on the bunk, closing her eyes again.

Vader lets himself fade to being mostly immaterial so he uses as little energy as possible and just stays there and waits.

Her soft rose petal of a Force presence is still a tiny dot of warmth in the Force, something he hasn't felt in so long. He clearly can form Force bonds of some level in this state because he's forming another one with her already – or maybe it's just awakening the connection they already had.

Vader can't sleep himself and in some ways, he loathes that. He can't find any solace or momentary escape from reality anymore because he's always conscious. He'd probably have constant nightmares anyway but...

Now all he can do is hover, using as little energy as he can, and just be with Ahsoka as long as he has the chance.

And try not to drown in his own thoughts.

In memories of fire and pain and the constant cold and dark he's felt since.

He tries to focus on how Ahsoka's here again, but it's hard to without the constant whisper that he has no idea if he's about to lose her again. He already lost everything else. It's almost ludicrous to believe he won't lose her too. And he doesn't think he can handle that.

He doesn't know how long it's been but the sound of Ahsoka coughing jars him back to reality.

"Are you alright?" he asks, mostly materializing himself visibly.

"I think I'm getting sick," she grumbles, rolling over "I'm just... kinda tired. Or maybe it's just from the electricity."

Ahsoka's screams flicker through his mind again and he moves closer, materializing his arm physically and reaches out, touching her forehead.

It's hot.

"Fever," he realizes, "Well, double reason to rest."

"Just what I wanted to hear," Ahsoka grumbles.

Something tugs sharp and painful in Vader's chest and he stiffens. "My master wants me. I... have to go."

Fear instantly floods him full force a second later. What if Sidious wants progress or something else or –

"Be careful," Ahsoka says, gaze pinched with worry.

"You are the one who must be careful. I do not know what he wants or what the other inquisitors may do while I'm gone." The tug on him is increasing in strength and he stops fighting it, lest his master get angry. He doesn't even get the chance to say goodbye to her before he feels himself being yanked through space back to the palace.

All he can do is desperately hope that Ahsoka will still be there when he gets back, that she won't be taken from him like everything else.

And that she won't leave him again like everyone else, like she once did before. But in truth, if she knew the true details of what he's become, what he's done, of what it really means to be a Dark Side Spirit, he doubts even she could stand to look at him again.

Final Notes: Reviews are always appreciated! ^-^

Come hang out on Discord (delete spaces), discord . gg / nqSxuz2 or find us on tumblr at fanfictasia (our more serious blog which does have controversial posts on it; I won't be offended if you choose to block it, promise), and disastertriowriting (which is our fun blog with crack posts or incorrect SW quotes)

We've got a YT channel for tributes! (delete the spaces) youtube channel / UC_g1M5rSCxJUzQCRS29B6pA

ALSO: We have SW gift request forms for General, Anakin-Clones-centric, and Bad Batch fics. :D (delete spaces) bit . ly / CourtesyTrefflinFicRequests