Chapter Nine

The next few days passed relatively normally. Simon stopped in to rehash Valentine's dramatic capture, with Luke following along as best he could, but tonight was the first of the full moon. He went to his cell earlier than normal to wait. He did not want to be caught off guard again.

The first hours of the change went smoothly, but after that he couldn't keep the wolf calm. It struggled, and to Luke's astonishment, he felt himself begin to black out. When he woke he was human again, but he weakened.

The next day was worse. He maintained consciousness for ten minutes before the wolf's fury emerged, and he again passed out, once again waking up human. He was late opening the shop by hours. Some of his regulars joked with him, saying they were glad for him, he must have had a good time last night. He smiled and laughed along with them.

The third night was terrible. He lost himself the moment the change started to when he rose off the floor the next day, again hours after he should have opened the shop. He felt too ill to sit at the front desk. He put up a sign saying closed for the day, and laid down for most of the afternoon.

Then to his horror, he felt himself start to change again that evening. The full moon's always lasted three days. Never four. He used every ounce of will power he had to return to his cell, where he once again was forced to black.

He kept the shop closed the next day. He needed to think. He had heard of this happening, werewolves not being able to control their changes. It was rare, but not unheard of, at least amongst werewolves. When wolves were in a pack, there was an unspoken rule that if this happened, that member would be taken out for the sake of the pack. No one wanted to risk a rogue wolf bringing Shadowhunters around.

He was himself now, but he could feel something had shifted. The werewolf's heightened senses kept popping in and out without warning and without transformation. He didn't change that fifth night, but he knew this was dangerous. No werewolf he had spoken with knew of a sure way to reverse this; it was rare and most packs didn't want to risk it. As for lone wolves, no one knew their fate.

As Luke saw it, he had a choice. He didn't like it, but he knew his answer. He did not want to permanently transform, only to hurt someone and eventually be killed by a Shadowhunter.

He felt clear, quiet, after deciding. He wrote two letters. One to Jocelyn and one to Clary, and he went over to their apartment to leave them inside. Miss Dorothea, their downstairs neighbor, came out and spoke with him. She knew Jocelyn had left. Luke assured her she would be back soon. Normally Dorothea was asking him to fix this or that around the brownstone, but today she refrained. She seemed to be studying him closely. "Are you alright? You look pale." He said that he was fine, and left after leaving the letters.

He texted Simon, saying he was going out of town for a few days to the farmhouse. Then he got his truck, packed a few possessions into a duffel bag and drove out of the city, heading north. He spent time in New Hampshire before he followed the whim of Jocelyn possibly being in New York, with the Lightwoods and Hodge, and that's where he headed now.

He drove through the night, pulling over at a rest stop for a few hours sleep. He walked into a rural bar the next afternoon and gave away his truck to a woman who looked like she could use it. He took out his possessions, shook hands with one very happy woman, then started walking into the woods.

He thought he would know when he wanted to stop walking, and he did. He was remote now. He laid down the bundle he'd been carrying. There was water and a little food, some herbs, and the Morgenstern blade. He had brought his crossbow, he'd been walking with it across his back. Even though he left many aspects of Shadowhunter culture behind, he liked his crossbow, and he felt more comfortable with it on him now.

He sat down, took a few deep breaths. He didn't want to drag this out any more than he already had. He took the last of the herbs, which he had been taking this whole trip here, washed them down with some water. He had been quite calm, or numb before this, but now feelings were breaking through. Suddenly, he was so angry that it had come to this. He thought he could get away from this fate, but here he was out in the woods with the Morgenstern blade because he was a monster.

He picked up the blade, closed his eyes briefly, and when he opened them, he saw Magnus Bane covered in glitter wearing what appeared to be a dress shirt and dinner jacket with only underwear on underneath.

"I fully acknowledge I am the last person you want to see right now, but I'm glad I found you. Please put that knife down. We can talk about this." Magnus said firmly.

Luke resolved himself. Now or never. "I'm doing this because I can't control my transformations anymore, and I would strongly suggest you back away from me, because the wolf is fighting me now." Luke said as steadily as he could, then swung the knife, making a deep cut on his inner thigh.

Things got strange after that. He heard Magnus' furious "Damn it." He felt his leg bleeding out, the wolf rising – it wanted to live. He fought back, he felt he still could. Whatever balance they had with each other the wolf hadn't taken over yet. From the few stories he'd heard, the transformations would happen more and more unexpectedly until the person wouldn't change back to human. He wanted to act while he still had time.

He heard Magnus speak again, but couldn't make it out. He sounded far away. He prayed Magnus did not save him, because he knew he would not have the courage to do this a second time. Luke wasn't sure what had won, the knife or the wolf, when he mercifully passed out.