KAISERNEKO: The following is a fan-based parody. DragonBall, DragonBall Z, and DragonBall GT are all owned by FUNimation, Toei Animation, and Akira Toriyama. Please support the official release.
"Dragon Ball Z, huh? Why is that name so familiar to me?" Ichigo could but feel connected to the name.
[Scene opens up showing mountains followed by showing many wildlife until a Saiyan Space Pod comes crashing down at a distance, startling many ostriches and a farmer.]
FARMER: Oh, God, no! My marijuana patch! I mean, er... my carrot patch... yeah! [drives towards the explosion]
"WHAT!?" All the words of living residents could not help but be shocked by what the farmer was growing.
"What's Marijuana?" Ruki was curious about what that plant was. So were the soul reapers as well
"It's a magical plant that once smoked will take you to a magical place!" Kisuke was joking around with soul reapers.
"Kisukedon't joke around like that!" Ichigo got agitated by the hat-wearing individual.
"Huh, I want to try some.."
"No, you don't."
[thinking] I better do what any sensible Middle American would do in this situation: Get mah gun!
[Space Pod opens up in a shiny light and Raditz emerges]
SPACE POD: Hello, and welcome to Earth... With an open bar.
FARMER: Holy crap, it's Sonic the Hedgehog- Eh, no, it's an alien! Holy sh, it's an alien!
"Who Sonic?" Renji was now the one asking now.
"He's a video game character that is a blue-talking hedgehog and the mascot of the Sega company," Uryu answered with red hair as he munched on some snacks.
"Huh, talking blue hedgehog that stupid!"
RADITZ: Finally on this dead plan- [notices teeming wildlife] Wait... What the crap? Did Kakarrot screw this up? Oh, God damn it, I knew we should've sent Turles.
FARMER: Better think of something cool to say to make him stop! [cocks shotgun while Raditz scans him with his scouter] Hey, you! (thinking) Heh, genius farmer, genius!
"Not really" everyone commented on the farmer's action.
RADITZ: Aw, look at him. He thinks he's people. What's your power level, little human? [checks his power level with scouter] Five, huh?
FARMER: Protect me, gun! [fires a shot at Raditz, who catches the bullet with his hand]
RADITZ: Hey! No! Bad human! [flings the bullet back at the farmer, sending him flying toward his truck and killing him]
"Huh, shit that guy caught the bullet! Why didn't your father do that when I shot him?" Renji asks Ichigo as he cracks open a beer.
"You shot him point blank with a shotgun, you idiot!" Ichigo now remembers the time Renji shot a gun at his dad, removing most of his hair.
FARMER: [extreme quickly while flying towards his truck] Gah, but I voted for Bush!
RADITZ: Bad! Now get back up and tell me you're sorry! Human? Human? [sighs] So this is why Dad said I couldn't keepAppule…
The audience didn't like the fact that the guy killed someone with remorse.
"That guy is an asshole." Ikkaku gave his opinion on the man who everyone could help agree with.
[OPENING SEQUENCE - "CHA-LA HEAD CHA-LA"]
[scene shifts to a wasteland, where Piccolo is standing on top of a plateau]
PICCOLO: Good ol' wasteland! Yep! Sure is some kick-ass training!... Damn it, I'm lonely. Might as well check MySpace. [opens up his MySpace page] No new comments... No friend requests... Damn it. Well, at least I have you, Tom. You're always there for me.
"Ah, the only friend he has is online." Orihime could but feel sorry for the person.
"And Myspace? I already switched over to Facebook a couple of days ago!" Ichigo commented on the use of Myspace, "By the way, Uryu you still haven't accepted my friend request."
"I'll Get on that later." Uryu reply
RADITZ: Hey! You!
PICCOLO: What the hell?
RADITZ: Are you Kakarrot? Seriously if you are, stay still! I need to talk to you about killing and selling this planet! It's really important! Oh, wait a second; you're not Kakarrot. My bad!
PICCOLO: I've got green skin, pointy ears, and a turban. Oh yeah, I must look like SO MANY other people!
"Yes, quite true not everyone can be as beautiful as me!" Yumichika is being narcissistic once again.
RADITZ: Oh, a smartass, huh? I don't appreciate smartasses. Prepare yourself for my signature attack: Double Sun–
"Huh?"
[Screen suddenly turns monochrome and the scene pauses]
VEGETA3986: No!
LANIPATOR: Huh?
VEGETA3986: Give me the mic!
LANIPATOR: What-? No-come on, man!
VEGETA3986: Dude- Give me the mic!
[A picture of the original DragonBall appears on the screen with the words 'We are experiencing technical difficulties' superimposed over the top and bottom.]
"Something must be wrong with the production." Chad in his monotone voice as he munches on a candy bar.
LANIPATOR: It's a real attack na-
VEGETA3986: NO, IT ISN'T!
LANIPATOR: Fine! Here, take it. I'll just go practice my Vegeta. Ass!
[Scene rewinds and starts over]
"Oh, it's going back." Rukia was getting excited about problems being settled.
RADITZ: [in a different voice] Now prepare yourself for my signature attack: Keep Your Eye on the Bir- [scouter beeps] Oooh! A higher power level!
[Raditz flies higher in the air and looks around]
PICCOLO: [off-screen] Hey! What the hell?! Weren't you going to kill me?
RADITZ: Ah, there we go. Considering the average set by this one green guy and that farmer, the chances of this being Kakarrot are- Dah, screw it, I'll just go and check!
"Huh, that device on his ear must be something to find an individual with a higher level of strength and also see how strong one is." Kisuke was interested in the device the spiky-haired individual was wearing.
"Getting an idea for a new invention, Kisuke?" Yoruchi could see that her best friend was having an idea,
[Raditz flies off]
PICCOLO: Fine! Go ahead! I didn't want your company anyway! Right, Tom?
"Aww." Orihime still felt sorry for the individual.
[scene changes to Kame House with Bulma's ship arriving and Bulma walking towards the front door]
BULMA: Hey, I'm here!
KRILLIN: BOOBS! I mean, Bulma!... Hi!
"Hmm, I mean it's not as big as me and Orihime but a nice set." Rangiku has commented on the breast of the Bulma.
BULMA: Oooooooookaaaaaaaay, how's it going?
MASTER ROSHI: I'm drinking OJ! [cup changes to brown] Now it's apple juice! [cup changes to orange] Now it's beer! Yay, beer! [chugs down beer]
"Oh, that is such a great power!" Rangiku couldn't help but be intrigued by the old powers, "Wish I could do that!"
Hitsugaya couldn't but grow a headache from imagining how Rangiku with the power.
KRILLIN: So where's Yamcha?
BULMA: I think the bastard's cheating on me!
KRILLIN: Why do you say that?
[flashback of Bulma walking in on Yamcha]
YAMCHA: [appears as a silhouette] Bulma! It's not what it looks li- oh okay, it's totally what it looks like. Can I still live here? Please? Before this, I was living in the desert. Oh, and did you change Puar's litterbox yet?
PUAR: [appears as a silhouette] I made boom-boom!
Almost everyone was present but laughed at the scene. Except for Orihime and Rukia, who would like the feeling of being cheated on.
[back to present]
KRILLIN: Oh, are you serious? Yamcha? Oh, that is so out of char- so you're single then?
[Goku jumps off Nimbus walks towards the front door]
GOKU: Hey guys!
[Bulma opens the door with Krillin running up after her]
BULMA: Goku!
KRILLIN: TAIL- eh, wait, what?
[Goku laughs and holds up his arm, in his other arm, there is a small toddler with a tail clinging onto Goku]
"Huh, that tail is reminding me of something" Ichigo remembered that moment when he saw Yoruchi in her cat's form, tail crooked. But he then felt a killing intent from Yoruichi, "Oh, what might that be Ichigo?"
"Nothing, Nothing at all!"
BULMA: Uh, Goku? I can't help but notice that five-year-old you're carrying.
KRILLIN: Goku, just because we picked YOU up in the middle of the woods when you were a kid doesn't mean you can go around stealing children.
"I feel there might be some content missing here!" Rukia couldn't help but wonder about this Goku story.
GOKU: Erm, okay. [places Gohan on the ground] This is actually my son.
[Krillin, Bulma, and Master Roshi are shocked along with the head ofM. Night Shyamalanpopping up]
M. NIGHT SHYAMALAN: What a twist!
BULMA: Oh, wow! I guess this means you finally, you know.
GOKU: Know what?
MASTER ROSHI: [appearing right next to Goku] You know, "Bow chicka wow wow~"
GOKU: [completely oblivious] What are those noises you're making?
Everyone couldn't help but wonder how this man was a father, "Does he not know that sex makes babies?"
BULMA, MASTER ROSHI: [simultaneously, thinking] Oh, my God. He's a parent!
KRILLIN: So when's the little guy gonna start training?
[Gohan is seen playing with Turtle]
GOKU: Actually, Chi-Chi is making him study. She wants him to grow up and be... what's it called?
KRILLIN: A productive and responsible member of society?
"I wish that Rangiku could be like that!" Hitsugaya commented on the idea.
Rukia couldn't help wishing that any future child she and Renji would become someone like that.
GOKU: Yeah- lame, that's it! [to Gohan] Hey, son, come here! [Gohan runs towards Goku] Stop playing with the turtle! We don't need people saying things…
"Aw, he looks so adorable!" Orihime could help but love Gohan.
BULMA: Hey, is that a DragonBall on his head? Doesn't that sorta make him a target for villains who might want them?
GOKU: Aw, come on. I beat Piccolo. I'm strong enough to beat anyone who- [senses a disturbance] Holy black on a Popo, what is that?!
Everyone couldn't help but feel a chill running down their spine from that name.
MASTER ROSHI: What's wrong?
GOKU: I just felt a power level bigger than... than... Krillin's losing streak!
KRILLIN: [off-screen] ...You know, you guys are the reason I go to therapy…
Like instinct, everyone gave a look at Renji, "Why are all of you staring at me?"
GOKU: (He's getting closer!)
KRILLIN: Shouldn't we grab Gohan and put him in- [Raditz flies down in front of the group] Oh, son of a…
"Bitch!" Orihime was one to curse which shocked everyone who was present, "Sorry it slipped."
RADITZ: It took me a while to get here, but I finally found you, Kakarrot.
GOKU: ...What?
RADITZ: That's right, that's your name.
GOKU: ...What?
RADITZ: The name you were given before we sent you to this planet!
GOKU: ...What?
RADITZ: Yooouuu... hit your head as a child, didn't you?
[flashback of Goku banging his head as a baby]
GOKU: ...What?
"Okay that is answering a lot of questions." Ichigo felt that the reveal was answering a lot of questions about Goku.
"The real question is how is he alive?" Uryu, the future doctor, was curious about the survival of Goku.
RADITZ: Oh, for God's sakes, listen! [a montage plays showing Goku's Space Pod travelling to Earth and a group of Saiyans] You were sent here as a child to take over the planet. You're part of a dead race of intergalactic super warriors called the Saiyans. And to top off this expositional onslaught; I... am your brother!
[Shows the shocked faces of Goku, Bulma, Krillin, and Master Roshi. A crab falls off a tree in total surprise]
"Huh a twist!" Rukia was shocked at the revelation before her.
"What about him being an alien, his mission to take over the earth or him being my brother!" Renji asked his wife.
"all of it!"
KRILLIN: So you're his brother, huh? [walks up towards Raditz] Wow, that must mean you'll be involved in lots of future events, right? Right?
[Raditz hits Krillin with his tail, sending him flying straight into Kame House. Krillin wails.]
[Krillin Owned Count: 1]
"It is safe to assume this will be an ongoing thing for him." Yumichika was able to assume the future misery of Krillin.
"Oh I wish I was there to help him." Orihime wanted to heal Krillin right away.
KRILLIN: What did I say?
GOKU: Hey! Stop hitting Krillin!
RADITZ: Why?
GOKU: Because you're breaking Kame House!
"Umm, Shouldn't Krillin be more of your concern Goku?" The Mexican was worried about the midget, "He could be seriously hurt."
"Yeah, could be true Chad. But, for some reason I think the little guy might be used to it already." Rangiku took the swing of beer, "He'll get back up!"
KRILLIN: [offscreen, weakly] Yeah... Stop breaking Kame House...
GOKU: So, what are you here for? The Dragon Balls?
"Dragon balls?" Rukia was general curious on what the items were
RADITZ: The... the dragon's what?
GOKU: The Dragon Balls, you know? There are seven of them. They grant any wish you want- like immortality?
"I think that something you shouldn't blather to your enemy! You idiot!" Ikkaku blurred out as Goku revealed some sensible information.
"We are talking to a guy who was dropped from a cliff as a kid, Ikkaku." Yumichika gave his two cents on the situation.
OOLONG: Or Bulma's panties!
Pig, all of the girls thought about the literal pig.
[cuts to Vegeta and Nappa on an unknown planet]
NAPPA: Vegeta, did you hear that?
VEGETA: Oh, yeah, we're totally going to Earth to get our wish!
NAPPA: Yeah, we're gonna get panties! ...I mean, immortality. Immortality is what I meant, right, Vegeta?
"I don't why but I got that bald dude is going to have a major headache with him!" Renji was rubbing his side.
"I don't know if he could be funny." Rukia retorted with her husband.
VEGETA: ...Just get in the damn pod!
[cuts back to Kame House. Raditz walks towards Kame House while Bulma picks up Gohan and moves away.]
RADITZ: No... I'm here for you, Kakarrot.
GOKU: So, what are we gonna do? See a ballgame? Catch a movie?
RADITZ: We're going to kill everyone on the planet and then sell it for profit toan alien overlord who may or may not have destroyed our own planet. [scene shows a planet flashing and then exploding]
"Huh, that was a lot of information dropped right now!" Hitsugaya was now munching on potato chips.
GOKU: Oh. Well, uh, I sorta like people here, so with all due respect- [Raditz knees Goku in the stomach, sending him flying and screaming as he comes crashing down into the ground]
Ichigo and others couldn't help but flinch from the knee to stomach at Raditiz.
GOHAN: [runs towards Goku] Daddy!
RADITZ: [walks up and grabs Gohan] I'll be taking this! Yoink! [flies away holding Gohan in his arm]
"Ha, oh no! He took Gohan! The fiend!" Rukia couldn't help but want to pull out her Zanpakuto.
"Take it easy Rukia, it's just a show!" Renji calms his wife down before doing anything reckless, "I'm sure Goku will save him!'.
GOKU: [weakly] Quick! Somebody stop him! [crickets chirp in silence] Damn it, Krillin!
KRILLIN: Hey! I was bitch-slapped through a house! What's your excuse?!
Everyone snicker at the comment that Krillin made about his situation.
GOKU: I was kneed in the stomach!
[Krillin gasps and looks into the sky]
PICCOLO: You guys are pathetic! [Goku gasps while everyone looks at the sky and stares at Piccolo]...What?
[Piccolo lands in front of the group]
GOKU: Aw, jeez... Hey, look, I know you totally wanna kill me and all, but today's kind of a bad day. My brother just showed up, turns out I'm an alien, he stole my kid!
"I'm getting some Grimmjow vibes right now." Ichigo couldn't help but remember his old nemesis Grimmjow, still wondering if he wanted to settle old scores.
PICCOLO: Oh, yeah; I was watching that! That was priceless! [Piccolo starts laughing while Krillin and Master Roshi stare at him in disbelief] ...Sorry for your loss.
"A lot of Grimmjow!"
GOKU: Yeah. Anyway, wanna help me get him back?
PICCOLO: Whyyyyy?
GOKU: I'll friend you on MySpace!
[Piccolo stares blankly at Goku and then the scene suddenly shifts to Goku and Piccolo flying towards Raditz]
PICCOLO: [in his thoughts] Tom, you've been replaced!
"Aw, poor Tom." Orihime couldn't help but feel sorry for Tom.
[ending sequence]
[STINGER]
[Master Roshi is seen holding a Crunch bar]
MASTER ROSHI: Now it's a Nestlé Crunch bar! [Crunch bar turns into a gummi bear] Now it's a gummi bear! [gummi bear turns into Nappa's head] Now it'sNappa!
NAPPA: Wait, what the hell?
"Huh, not going to lie, that was pretty entertaining." Ichigo was surprised by the show.
"Great Ichigo, there are a lot more episodes!" Rukia's eyes sparkle with enthusiasm.
"We might need to get more snacks" Rangiku's bags are now empty.
"I'll go and order us some food." Urahara offered it to everyone there, and all accepted.
Rukia started to set up the second episode