Chapter 3: third time's the charm

Two days later, nighttime – stranger's apartment bedroom

"Ah mi corazón! It's been too long! How's school?"

I sprint into the arms of my abuelo, feeling completely safe in his hands. His hugs are the best. They feel like home. They feel safe. They're my personal heaven. "I made a painting of you and Abuela! Do you want to see?"

He reacts excitedly, even though looking back to it, barely visible we're talking about humans being drawn here … that drawing sucked. But what can you expect from a five year old?

Nonetheless, at his excitement, my own only gets fuelled up, my energy spiking. He gives me a few minutes to run around the living room enthusiastically, before suddenly the voice of my grandmother echoes from out of the kitchen straight towards the cozy living room, asking us to calm down. "Now, now. Santanita, it's time for bed. You can play some more tomorrow."

Hector makes some room on the couch, asking his wife to come closer. "Aw come on Alma, mi amor, just five more minutes?"

Two pairs of eyes look pleadingly into Alma's eyes. She's got a tough exterior, but her husband and her granddaughter together … they're her biggest weakness, in the most positive meaning of the word. "All right, but then it's up to bed. Your mom told me you already ate."

After showing them some more of my drawings, which made them both have a proud look on their face, they help me get myself ready for bed. They both wish me goodnight, but before my grandfather can turn of the light I speak up again. "Can I have a bedtime story now?"

A warm small laugh escapes his mouth. "Of course! What do you want to hear tonight?"

I think about it for a minute. "How did you and Abuela meet?"

Alma stops at the doorframe, turns around and leans on the wall, curious to hear the story too. Hector puts himself on my small bed, making himself comfortable to speak. He puts on his reading glasses, acting like he'll grab a book and read it out loud. He makes it seem like their love story has been written down.

He clears his throat before he starts. "Once upon a time there was a boy. It was only his second week in America, still wandering around, trying to chase his dreams. He walked around in his town a lot. The boy was unhappy, feeling lonely without realising it. One day, something unexpected happened." He takes a dramatic pause, curious eyes beg him to continue. "He discovered a new small store, full with antique stuff. Now, the boy didn't have any money, he didn't bring a lot with him to this new country. Except one thing. His postage stamps collection."

He pauses, silently asking if Santana understands what post stamps are. "You know, like those small pictures I showed you in my office? The ones you like to look at?" When his granddaughter nods her head he carries on with his story.

"The boy was very curious to know if there were any post stamps in this store. Just to look at them. He knew he couldn't pay for them, but even looking at a new one was a precious thing for him… seems like luck was on his side, because there was a whole collection in the store, dedicated to a unique collection of post stamps. The worker in the store was very friendly, which surprised the boy. A lot of people didn't accept him for who he was. But this man did. After the boy told his story about his far travel from his home land, the worker felt for him and he let him pick out one post stamp to add to his own collection."

Hector thought of a way to not make the story too complicated, knowing a young girl shouldn't be confronted with the harsh reality of what he went through to make it from Puerto Rico to here, and find a living for him and his family. Seeing Santana's eyes falling down every few seconds, he decides to cut his story short.

"The boy was very happy because he was having a difficult time with traveling all by himself. When he was shaking hands with the kind man to show his gratitude, his whole body suddenly froze. There was this girl, probably around his own age, cleaning up the back of the store. Nobody believes him, but he swears there was a glow around the girl, like she just dropped out of heaven and landed before him. She was beautiful. He never saw such a wonderful person in his life before."

Hector takes a second to glance towards his wife at the door side, remembering this life altering moment. When he looks back to his granddaughter, he sees he's got her full attention again.

"Oh Santanita. She was mesmerizing. Beautiful! Books and songs have nothing above it. It was love at first sight! And it wasn't even about how she looked. Looks don't mean anything, remember that. It's what's on the inside…" he puts his hand on the little girls heart for emphasis. "It's what's in your heart, that is important. And I saw it in her eyes. I saw her for who she was on the inside. Her spirit told me everything I had to know. She was perfect. One look in each other's eyes, and we knew."

At that moment, Alma had walked back into the room, putting a hand on Hectors shoulder. He puts his own hand on hers, grabbing the small child's hand in his other. "And here's the lesson from that story. I didn't want to admit it at first, that it was love at first sight. I was a bit … lost at that time. You know how in Snowwhite, when she feels bad, it rains and everything looks dense and grey, instead of brightly coloured? Well, that's how the boy fell. He didn't really feel much emotions, didn't let himself feel. He didn't think he was good enough for her so he … Anyway. Faith had laid a hand that day. It was beyond my power. But I ignored faith, and I didn't approach her that day. It took a looong time before I took the first step."

Hector stand up, gives a small kiss on Santana's forehead and whispers. "Now Santana. If you're ever blessed enough to have that moment happen to you, let it. Give that person a change to let love seep through your veins. Don't be a fool like me and ignore it for more than two years."

"All right Hector, I think you're making this a bit too complicated for her."

He stops, opens his mouth a few times, trying to find the right words. "The boy took some time to find his princess again, after that day. He was stubborn and tried to ignore these strange feelings that were happening inside of him. But he did found his courage in the end. And they lived happily ever after."

At that point the little girl has already fallen asleep. Before she completely dozes off, she can hear her grandmother whisper to her grandfather. "Te amo Hector… but you're the most terrible story teller I've ever known."

…

I stumble awake, surrounded in my own cold sweat. I jump up, pushing my upper body above the sheets, before I realise I'm not in my own bed. Those sheets… They're silk, in the most ugly greenish-yellow colour ever! What the heck?

Trying to gather my surroundings, I remember I went home with …Maria?

It was a decent evening, that much I recall...

I look around, searching for my watch. It must be here somewhere… Aha! Seems like I tried to put it on the bed night table, but gravity had other plans. It must have fell on the floor. Good thing this girl has carpet laying in her bedroom.

Anyway. It's a little after two. That's my cue to go to my own home now. Stumbling out of bed, I quickly gather my clothes and try to remember where I put my purse. There's a bit of light entering from the window, a near street lantern bringing light rays into the room. It helps me locate everything faster.

Once I've grabbed everything, Maria startles awake. Her blonde locks look really out of place and her blue eyes seem… wrong. I don't know. Not the time to think about…

Our conversation was short. We both knew what the night meant. Waking up together in the morning wasn't part of it. At least she doesn't look hurt of me leaving in the middle of the night. That's a plus…

Once back in my own bed, my mind catches up to me. I don't get why I suddenly dreamt about this particular memory.

I remember so much about these evenings… I went to my grandparents a lot of the time. My parents were very busy with their jobs, and my grandparents where always ready to babysit me. I loved those evenings. My grandfather felt more like a father to me then my own real father. And seeing my Abuelo and Abuela together … they were the perfect couple.

I had a great childhood if it comes to that. Such warm people, always ready to do everything I want. You could say I was a little spoiled … alright, I had my Abuelo wrapped around my fingers. Luckily for him, my Abuela always made sure I didn't turn into a brat. They were the perfect combination.

His storytelling was … special. I certainly didn't get the clue of most of his stories. That was one of them… all the same … maybe I'm starting to understand more where he's coming from than I want to admit right now… an angelic spirit with blue eyes and blonde hair is definitely not wandering around in my thoughts.

Whatever. It's always bittersweet if I dream about him. I miss him so much. It's been a few years now that he passed away, but memories of him can still make me feel this extremely intense grief.

I should really try to get some more sleep though, tomorrow is my first performance and it's a lot more practical to not be tired on stage …

Next day, midday

"Are you nervous?"

A tense breath escapes me. That's an annoying question isn't it? People always tend to ask you that when you're most definitely nervous. Did someone ever asked you if you were nervous when you weren't? Guess not. And when I'm nervous, you need to leave me the hell alone!

I count to ten before answering her. I slow my pace to get in step with Quinn. We're wandering towards the backstage of a small theatre. We're here for a surprise performance. It's a nice theatre to be honest. One that could be used in a movie that takes place around the 19th century. There are a few cracks in the walls and the architecture is copied from Romanian times. Plus, there are red curtains hanging everywhere!

The hallways are pretty small, but wide enough to walk with three people next to each other. There's literally a ticket desk in the middle of the entrance … You don't see those a lot anymore nowadays. It's cool.

It's a nice theatre to use as a first location for this small unannounced local tour I'm doing right now. It's not to get my name in the news or something. Or to give a boost to my second album (unnecessary, though a nice plus). It's actually for myself. I really want to do this, performing in the local theatres again. I want to do that really really bad.

I like to get back to those small performance, comparable to what I did at the beginning of my career. Nowadays I play before a thousand people and more. It's … less personal.

Don't get me wrong, it's nice too. It's such an addictive thrill! It's a real adrenaline rush… But I feel less connected to the people. And I miss that. I miss knowing every single person in the audience. I miss being able to have looked every person in the eyes in one night. That's impossible to do in those giant concert halls or stadiums.

Though singing and hearing ten thousands of people singing your songs with you … indescribable. But I want the intimate nights too.

That's why I'm here. I'm going to perform in a few different small theatres around the city. People could buy tickets, knowing someone in my genre will sing, but they don't know it's me… I hope I won't disappoint anyone. It's still their ticket and money. Sure, they know they don't get to have the knowledge of who'll perform exactly until the evening… but I want to give everyone an enjoyable night. I hate letting people down.

So when Quinn asks me if I'm nervous to perform to a crowd that have unknown expectations…

"Neah." I give a small shrug, trying to act as nonchalant as possible.

She raises her eyebrow, glancing my way. "Really? Cuz your body language is telling a different story San."

"I just … I've never played in this sort of way. People don't know it's me who's going to perform. What if they don't want me to get on stage? What if they wanted another person?"

She comes to a stop once we've arrived at the backstage and turns towards me. She grabs both my shoulders, preparing herself for her speech.

"San. You're awesome. You're so talented. Even if people hate your songs, your voice is mesmerizing on its own. People will love it. I know this 'mysterious singer' plan doesn't happen that often, but I know it's going to be a success." She squeezes my arms in support. "Just enjoy the feeling of performing for a few 100 people. Feel connected… I know you miss that. The people will love it. They love you."

I open my mouth, trying to give a proper response to her intense talk, but I waver when I see a familiar face walking towards us. I squeeze my eyes, trying to get a clearer view. "What in the world …" I gasp, because it's Brittany! How did this happen? What is she doing here? Also … what are those counter feelings I'm feeling right now? Why can't I suddenly seem to have a normal exterior? Do I act happy, free, confident, unconfident, brave, unbrave? Shit, I've got no clue how to use my body language right now.

Quinn gives me a calculated look before she turns around, searching what my inner turmoil started. She's probably wondering what made me suddenly shut down. Once she sees Brittany, she gives me a surprised look, before she greets her.

"Hey Brittany, fancy meeting you here. How are you?"

"Wow, uh hey Quinn. Santana." I give a polite nod in return, but that's it. I don't want to mess it up again…

It's silent for a moment, neither of us expected to see each other here. Brittany must have sensed our unspoken questions, because she explains herself.

"Yeah uhm, it's not my only job, the one in Gold Star Studios. I actually work independently. So uh, it's my firm you contacted to prepare everything for the evening. There are some theatres in this neighbourhood I know very well, so I volunteered to prepare this evening… and the rest of your tour. Didn't realise it was for you though."

There's a curious glint in Quinn's eyes. "Ow, you work for Technicable Theatre Building?" She sounds surprised, which I don't really get. She put like an emphasis on the word 'you', but like … why?

I'm still not really sure what they're talking about in the first place. Quinn's the one who does all the practical stuff. I thought they always have people at the theatre themselves to build up the podium and lights and sounds and all that? Or did we also need a personal technician who travels place to place with us? Didn't think that was necessary for such a small tour… guess I thought wrong. Apparently she needed to find someone to prepare everything in this theatre for us too.

We've had three stage technicians with us for my first grand tour, and they were really necessary. I really underestimated their job, to be honest. Without the technicians, there's no show. People tend to forget that. They definitely should receive a lot more respect for their work.

Most of the times a concert hall or theatre has their own technicians who work there permanently, but most artists bring their own technicians with them. They know how your performances work and what's necessary and all that. Otherwise you have to explain yourself over and over again. in that way you have a collaboration of people who know the theatre like the back of their hand, and people who have a vision of what needs to be built for the specific show that evening … So okay, I guess it's pretty practical to have a personal technician with us on this small tour.

"Yeah. Uh .. yeah I do … So wait you use aliases? You're not Holly H.?" I give Quinn an amused look. Nice one Q. She comes up with the best aliases. And using our old substitute teacher Holly? She would have approved. I'm 100% sure of that.

Brittany must have misread my amusement for confusion, because she tries to explain herself further. "Uh some Holly H. asked for a technician to follow her around for the next two weeks? Her, together with some other names of artists I didn't recognize …" She tries to remember the names, but knowing Quinn's creativity if it comes to making up names, they're not always the easiest ones to remember. She gives up after a few seconds and gains her focus back to us. "… You know… to help them with the technical stuff on this tour and other basic things in each theatre for the performances?"

"Yeah, no that's us. We like to keep enough aliases, especially for this." A puzzled look crosses Brittany's face, so Quinn explains further. "We really don't want to get an overload of people in these small theatres. So we figured, the less people can figure out it's Santana who'll perform, the better."

"Ow, good thinking." The blonde gives us an uncertain look. "… But you do realise once they figured out it's Santana they'll text friends or put a picture online or something right? Won't that end in a thousand people at the outside of this building an hour into the show or something?"

Shit, I didn't thought of that. I punch Quinn in the arm, looking at her for a solution. She looks surprised too, though. She must have not thought of it either. Which is really strange … Quinn is always, and I mean always on top of everything she does. When it's about her job, there's not a single person or situation that can startle her. She never forgets a thing if she's the one responsible for managing it. So this is weird. The only times Quinn is not on top of things is … Is something going on with her?

I would have noticed right? …Or not. I've been so busy in my own life and career, I didn't really pay much attention to her. Didn't had the time, nor the energy, if I'm being honest. God that sounds bad. I'll definitely work on that. The minute I'll have her alone at a quiet and peaceful time I'll ask her if everything's okay with her.

For now we have to do another damage control situation first. "Shit San, I completely forgot about that. Jesus, how can I forget something like that? that's like managing basics! What now?"

If the situation wouldn't be so stressful, I would have teased her until eternity with her trying to rely on me. But I don't want her to feel worse right now, so I keep my calm. "Q, relax. I'll just ask at the beginning of the show, full disclosure, if they would be okay to wait mentioning me on their phone before the show ended. Start with a little trust right?"

"That, and I don't want to interrupt, but I can perfectly turn down the Wi-Fi and roaming during the show. If you want? Change the password or something."

I snap my attention towards Brittany. I give her a quick once-over, trying to be as subtle as possible. She's wearing a plain jeans with a cute shirt that has a drawing of a bow on it. Her hair is in a small braid and she's not wearing any make-up … She got even more beautiful … not that that was even possible.

"Yes, see, there you go Quinn. Thank you Brittany, could you maybe do that? We didn't bring any security, since it's such a small setting."

She shrugs her shoulders. "Sure no problem, I'll do that in a minute. Now, if communication went right, we would sit together to go over the basics of your show this afternoon? Check for any adjustments I still need to install and all that?" She points toward the backroom, but I can't see anyone. "The technicians of this theatre went home already. Early night, but they explained everything to me, so there shouldn't be a problem if you still want to change some things."

It's Quinn who reacts first. I'm too busy … thinking stuff.

"Yes, awesome. I'm actually relieved it's you we have as a technician. All those men in that sector … and from the work I saw you do in the studio … I'm sure everything will go smoothly."

She blushes a bit at Quinn's compliment. "Uh thank you Quinn." She waves the compliment away, not really sure how to respond to it. "Now, follow me. The stage is clear. We're actually the only people in the building for now. We can look on the stage what things you want different or not. After that I would like to do a short sound check, normally I'd do it with white noise, but since it's such a small space, I'd like to do it according to your voice … if that would be okay for you Santana?"

My neck cracks from turning too fast. I try to find some of my confidence back, because I feel too stressy right now. "Aha, want a little preview from my talent? No can do sir."

The two blondes give me a strange look. Brittany backtracks first, an embarrassed blush creeping up her cheeks. "Uh, you don't need to. It could be singing different songs too. I mean, I'll just need to hear something to check the sound delays. And if you really don't want to I can use another demo, it'll just be uh less easy."

Shit. Did I really just cocky flirt with her, and immediately after reject her? Why am I always saying the wrong things to that woman?! She must think I'm a real confident bitch. Why do I keep saying stuff like that? I thought I was over that phase? … At least in my head… Guess old habits die hard. How in the world can I try to save my first impression towards her … again?

All the braincells in my mind are trying to come up with a better, more decent answer, but Quinn interrupts me.

"Sorry for her behaviour. She's actually a nice person. She just doesn't seem like it 99% of the times."

"Oh don't worry. For some strange reason I believe that."

Owkay, that's nice to hear… The second part. I can apologize for myself, thank you very much! Quinn puts her nose in my business way too many times. If eyes could kill, Quinn would have been killed more than a thousand times already. Like now. My eyes crash like lightning towards her. She ignores me, so I try to make eye contact with Brittany, but she's already walking away, motioning us to follow her towards the stage.

After adjusting a few more things Brittany leaves us alone for some time to acclimatise to the stage. That's very nice of her. Sometimes you're never alone before the performance. Especially on stage. It's really mindful of her to give us a minute alone. However. The thing I couldn't predict, is that Quinn would take away that peace the minute Brittany is gone.

"All right spill it."

"Spill what?"

"What's up with you and Brittany? You're giving me such strange vibes when you're around her. I've never seen you so … full on with someone before. What's going on?" A lightbulb goes off and she gasps. "Don't tell me you slept with her? Is that what makes it awkward?" She smacks her hand against her own head. "God damn it Santana. We have her around for another two weeks! I swear to god if she's another one of your one night stands I don't care. You live with the awkwardness. I won't look for another technician. I'll …"

"Q shut up!" I hiss, trying to keep my voice low. "I didn't sleep with her."

I hear something drop at the end of the chairs on the first floor. We both snap our heads towards the noise. It's Brittany, standing with some light strips in her hands. She looks at us very apologetic. "Uuuh sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt. I heard … yeah I'm sorry, I didn't mean to eavesdrop, you were just talking … loud. I'm sorry, I forgot to take this stuff away, I was collecting everything, don't want the people mess around with my stuff. So uh yeah, I'll give you like 15 minutes. Or wait, you know what, just come to me. I'll be in the lounge where you dropped your stuff. Well, a lounge is a strong word for that room… but yeah, uh see you."

She was beat red and only became more crimson the longer she spoke. After she left the room, I turn around towards Quinn. "Well look who made it awkward! Not me! God, what will she think of me now?"

"Since when do you care what people think of you?" She grabs my arm. "WAIT"

I shrug my hand away, not liking where this is going. "Nope, don't even think about it."

Her voice softens. "… Do you feel something for her?"

"Nope. Quinn be rational, we've met 2 times. Both those times weren't even very … comfortable. Just let it go. Please? I'll promise I'll talk to her, get the awkwardness away so we have a peaceful next two weeks. So nope, shut up, don't even think about thinking about it. It's nothing"

Quinn puts her hands up in surrender and makes a gesture of zipping her mouth. Good. No confrontation. Besides, I need to focus on tonight.

After singing a few short versions of a few songs we decide to take a break. It takes a minute to find the 'loungeroom'. We're both not great at navigation. Even inside buildings. The times we've been lost inside a building are too much to count.

"I think it was that way." Quinn says with an unconfident voice.

"You sure about that fabgay? You're full of shit, you have no fucking clue where we are. Do you?"

"Uhm, Quinn is not that wrong, it is that way." I turn around, shaken up by the voice who suddenly appeared behind us. It's Brittany.

Ow come on! I don't curse … that much. Does she need to hear me talk on the most inappropriate moments possible? I look through my eyelashes, a bit embarrassed for some reason. I don't know if I'm misinterpreting things, but I feel like she's judging me a little bit about my cursing. She's mostly looking at Quinn, giving me a side-glance when she passes me before showing us the correct way.

When Brittany's not looking, Quinn gives me a 'really San, did you have to give her more reason to not like you?' look which I don't respond to. It's not like that was my intention.

The friendship between me and Quinn is difficult for people to comprehend. Blaming and insulting the other one is our way off saying we appreciate each other. Not my fault Brittany is not into that loop.

To say the walk towards the lounge was awkward is an understatement. But we made it. Brittany silently offers us something to drink. After grabbing three bottles of water she sits down at the table that stands in the middle. Quinn decides to sit next to her, so I sit down at the round table too, skipping one seat besides Quinn. It's her who finds the courage to break the awkward tension.

"So Brittany, if I may ask, how did you get into this sector? It's quite amazing, still in these times you don't see that many female theatre technicians."

"You may ask that. It's just not exactly an exciting answer. I never really did know what to do in my life." She opens up her water bottle, taking a small sip before continuing her story. "So once I finished school I tried to study a few different things, didn't work out, tried a few technical sectors … and got stuck in this one I guess. What about you? How did you become Santana's manager?"

"Ow, it came onto my path I guess. Santana was a bit lost at some time, I finished university and then I didn't really know what to do so …"

This scene is so fascinating… Brittany is so fascinating.

Quinn is still talking, but I'm not really listening. I've heard that story a thousand times. Lived it too. So my focus is entirely on Brittany. She does this fascinating thing with her eyes. I have a strange fetish for eyes, so that's why it stands out for me. Not a lot of people would see what I'm seeing right now.

I don't really know how to describe what she does. It's like she's obeying her mind to actually look Quinn in her eyes to indicate she's listening, but around every five or ten seconds her eyes flicker to somewhere else, for a very small time. It's like her body is commanding her to not look in her eyes, but her mind won't let her do that.

And those eyes. Those beautiful blue eyes. Bluer then that ridiculous blue sea you see in Hawaii, I swear! And they look so clear, it's like they can see through your soul. They're looking to me and I feel like she's listening to my soul. Wait … she's looking at me.

Quinns hand is waving before my eyes. "SAN!"

I blink a few times before my vision gets more clear. "Huh, what? Sorry."

"Brittany asked why you decided to become a singer?"

Brittany nods in affirmation to what Quinn's saying. I take a deep breath. Okay, here's to second chance impression. Or third chance. Or fourth… whatever.

"Oh, that's nice of you to ask Brittany. It was something I always wanted to do. Quinn and I went to the same high school and we joined our glee club. Realised I loved the live performances and had a voice that could stand its own. At first I didn't thought it was going to be possible. There are a million people in the world who want to become a singer right? But I had a lot of luck with Quinn at my side and Hector, my Abuelo, who supported me. Without them I wouldn't stand where I am now. And the glee club was supporting too. So yeah, lots of gratefulness."

She listens intently to my story and takes a minute to respond. "Well… for what my opinion is worth, I'm glad you found your strength to become a singer." She swallows an invisible lump away. "You're truly amazing. I would be lying if I'm not a bit curious to see you perform life. From what I've heard in the studio … you're that one in a million Santana."

… I think my jaw dropped. I'm a bit stunned at that answer. Here is a person, I've met a few short times. Didn't and doesn't really seem like a fan of me, especially not before she met me, but giving me the most genuine compliment I've ever heard in my life!

And how did she know it wasn't a confidence issue but a strength issue I've had? Normally people directly think that it was about a lack of confidence I was hesitant to become a singer, not because of lack of strength … how did she know?

It seems like Quinn made the same connection, because she's giving Brittany a surprised look.

"Wait, why did you use the word strength?" Oookay Quinn, way to get personal… about me … what did I say about getting in my business way too many times!?

Brittany looks down a bit embarrassed at Quinn curious glance. "Ow I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make conclusions on your behalf. I tend to do that sometimes. I apologize."

I feel the sudden urge to make her happy again. So I react before Quinn answers.

"No, it's okay. I think Quinn asked it out of curiosity. I'm curious too though. People tend to conclude it's confidence I was looking for, so we thought you were going to say something about good that I found my confidence for starting to perform. But you talked about strength … how did you know that?"

My eyes are looking very deeply into hers, trying to find an answer there… Can't really find one.

You know how I said she makes it seem like she can look into your soul? … She doesn't let anything near her soul. You can almost see the walls from the castle she built … if that makes any sense to you. But what a beautiful and pure soul it is… God I sound like a lost puppy or something, it's ridiculous.

She looks away again, her cheeks reddening a bit? I think I embarrassed her. "Sorry Brittany, I didn't mean to embarrass you, I'm just curious."

She takes another sip from her water. "No it's okay. You're allowed to ask that. It's a conclusion about you, not about me. So uh, yeah I don't know really. It's not that I think you were extremely confident at whatever age you started to perform, but … I don't know. Uhm, I don't know how to answer that."

Quinn steps in, giving me a warning look about not making her too uncomfortable. "It's okay Brittany. Don't worry about it. Sometimes San's too curious for her own good. So … what about that sound check?"

Pff, sometimes she can be so bossy. Britt, uh Brittany, is her own person! She can decide for herself when she'll answer or not right? I was really curious about what she's thinking right now!

…

The sound check goes without a hitch, and before we know it, the first wave of people is starting to find their seats. I feel a rush of adrenaline starting to build up in me. I start to bounce around Quinn, who's ignoring it, since she's already used to it by now. Brittany takes a quick look at me before tending to her own responsibilities, not really judging whatever I'm doing. That's nice of her. Most of the technicians look at me like I'm some lunatic who's high or something.

… Which to be fair … I know lots of artist who perform while being high. But not me. I want to be present. I want to connect. I want to give people what they came from.

When I've jumped some more and gave Quinn our best luck hug, Brittany clears her throat to gain our attention.

"Uh, so I'm going up to the sound and light board. Start in 5 minutes?"

"Awesome. Thank you beforehand Brittany." I give her an excited smile, mostly because I can't wait to start. She mirrors my excitement and wishes me good luck before she walks off the backstage.

"You're gonna do great San. Don't worry about what people will think. Once they'll hear your voice nobody will be disappointed in their night."

Wow, I even forgot about that for a second. That's okay, I'll ignore it. The only thing that's important is standing on that stage and giving people a good time by having a good time myself.

Right on cue, the curtains are starting to slowly open. I grab my mic and the intro of 'valerie', a song that's a fan favourite starts. And a great opener. The public roared!

After that I explain to them we've cut down the Wi-Fi for a minute, to prevent a mass-walking from people. Hopefully they'll understand to wait until after the performance to tell their loved ones it's me who performed.

…

"Thank you very much for coming everyone, you've been a wonderful audience! I've missed playing in small theatres. Thank you for giving me this experience. And if you've wondered why you've never heard some of these songs? Well that's because in two weeks a new album is coming. Check it out … if you want of course."

I give a large wink at that, so people understand I'm joking. Luckily they do. Most of them are laughing.

When I get of stage, people immediately start asking for an encore. Good thing I planned this beforehand with Quinn and Brittany, so there's already an encore ready to start.

Once that song is finished I'm a bit out of breath. Singing for an hour and a half straight is tiring! I grab my mic and put it back in its socket. "Now we're really finished. Thank you very much everyone! And please give a warm applause to our technician of the night, miss Brittany!"

Some people give a shout, the others keep applauding. I can't really see Brittany's face, but it seems like she's crimping down a bit. Her exterior becomes even smaller. I didn't even know that was possible. Her shyness and overall body language make her seem small, even though she's physical tall. Guess she really doesn't like this sort of attention. She seems pretty shy … not everyone likes the attention of big crowds…

After a minute I walk off and the curtains close again. Quinn gives me a thumbs up and a big smile. I mirror her excitement and together we walk backstage to drink and eat something.

When we're walking in the hallway we pass Brittany. She almost bangs into the wall to give us space to pass. Hah, maybe she's a bit clumsy. Cute. Before we've completely crossed each other, she calls out my name.

"You were awesome Santana. Really truly amazing!" She lowers her voice a bit. "And to answer your question … I can see it in your eyes. I think you went through something deep. I can hear it in the way you sing, the way you move… But in a beautiful way. Beautiful, because you overwon it. And I see you've found the strength to win whatever battle you've had to fight. It was that strength I meant…" she looks into my eyes, feeling like she demands me to listen to her with every fibre of my being. Which I do. I'm so blind sighted by her honest truth, I can't formulate any words. She seems to feel my lack of response, but her nice smile is back on full display. She gives a small shrug and walks away.

"Anyway. See you tomorrow Holly H." Her voice has a hint of irony in it. "Or should I say Tina Berry, the woman who's performing tomorrow in 'the velvet curtain'?" She almost stumbles over her own feet, but catches herself last minute. "Anyway, I still need to clean up some parts of the lights and soundbars we used tonight, see you tomorrow."

She waves whilst walking away backwards towards the podium.

I can't seem to not make a little happy jump, which doesn't go unnoticed by Quinn. She doesn't react to it though. I guess sometimes she does know when to shut up. And I guess sometimes I do need to think about what I'm feeling and whether I act on it or not.

Either way, I'll sleep well tonight. Not only because of the great public and performance, but also for having conversation with the most fascinating human being I've ever met on earth.

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