Chapter 5: POV Brittany
Hello everyone. As always, thank you for the follows, favorites and reviews, it's so nice to receive :)!
So don't get confused, this one is a sneak peek in the future. Remember Santana is writing this story out of her perspective? Well this chapter starts during that time. Brittany accidentally stumbles upon her story she's currently writing. I tried an approach of how Brittany experiences things in this story, so I'll hope you'll like what I wrote.
If everything goes to plan, I'll post another chapter in the next few days. Definitely let me know if the timing is too confusing...
Happy New Year!
POV Brittany - 1 year and 8 months after CH4 (after Santana's mini-tour)
Hey there Sanny!
…
I have a confession.
I've never called you Sanny before. I quite like it to be honest, prepare to be called that a lot …
That's not the confession though …
I don't think I'm supposed to read this, but I was too curious … I mean come on, wouldn't you do the same if I started writing something like this? I sincerely hope you'll forgive me for reading your work …
It's easy to apologize for something you're doing right? You know what? Let me do one more for you. I'm going to write something down too!
Hmm. Let me think …
Oh, I know!
… It's honestly from not long ago, so it's not exactly following up your last written story in time. How far into the past are you writing right now? A year and a half? Slightly shorter? Longer?
I don't know. It's been so long ago.
First off, can I say how much I appreciate that you were so offended by Mick? You hadn't seen me before and yet you still felt so shocked about his way of talking about me …
Part of me is almost … glad he's on the verge of bankruptcy by now. It's honestly genius. Sneakily talking trash about the company with Quinn at a café where Sugar knew multiple journalists often go … it didn't take two days to totally ruin his reputation!
Though you know what I think about him … sure it's not fair he talked bad about me, but you really didn't have to do that … it's a bit extreme … I'm glad you got your sweet revenge, even if I wouldn't go that extreme … but I'll love you for eternity anyway.
Shoot.
I didn't use a pen, I can't erase that … We haven't said something that long term before to each other didn't we? Please don't freak out when you read this … I sincerely hope you're not freaking out about me saying this …
I know eternity is long. I can truly know that, you kinda get philosophic in archeology for that one lesson about what eternity means … to be honest, I was thinking about asking you something tomorrow when you're back … it's about whether you'll like to move in with me … but to ask you, you'll need to be back from … I don't remember which city you're currently in. Let's call it unicorn city. No, that's too long. I'll say you're in UC.
So, when you arrive back from UC tomorrow, I have planned a date? No that's not a question mark. I have planned a date. End of sentence.
But … I've planned a whole romantic gesture of offering you my key with a suitcase and all that. I hope you'll get the message immediately. I was explaining my whole gesture to Bree the other day, but she advised me I might be planning to go a bit overload. At one point I was even going to kneel and show you the key in a box … apparently Bree thought that was a proposal gesture. Who made those rules by the way?
Anyway. So no kneeling. Just a box with a key and a suitcase and the question 'do you want to live with me?'
… I know it's a big leap to take and you've never went this far in a relationship (remember the day you said 'I love you' for the first time? God you were so cute and soft and romantic yet stubborn and angry at yourself at the same time, it looked a bit confusing to be honest. Though now I get you weren't angry or frustrated towards me, but towards yourself.
Allright. I'm bad at this. I can't focus on one thing for too long.
My point is. I want to move in together and I have a feeling you're okay to hear this question. I'm even not that extreme nervous to hear your answer. Reading this is actually very much boosting my confidence …
Okay, I'm totally writing nonsense again aren't I? Gosh, I even forgot what I was planning in the first way. Can I just say, you're making me look way too perfect. This is making me feel so humble and … weird. I'm not perfect. You are!
So let me give you my perspective for a second. Let the roles reverse.
No wait. One more thing.
Reading your thoughts so confrontational … I'm really sorry I was such a mystery for you. I think I was put off by your harshness and protectiveness of your own being. Which I completely understand comes from protecting yourself! The stories you told me of how people used you for your fame … it's disgusting … and I get why you're less welcome to strangers in that way … but I think you're not fully aware of how closed off you looked the first few times we met … you seemed in your head a lot, and you didn't actually say that much … and to be honest, Santana you're a very strong, confident woman. I don't think you're that much aware of that … it's quite impressive to see you.
Nonetheless, I know I wasn't easy to read either. So sorry I guess? And thank you for being patient with me? I'm glad we found each other.
Can you draw a smiley in this paper? No? Pff, lame. I'll use a different approach.
*If you read this, you should think that I made a drawing. This drawing is one of those smileys that smile, but their head is upside down.*
Hmm.
All right, now that I'm on a roll, can I tell you another secret? You were my first woman crush in college. I really didn't like the fact you flirted and broke girls' hearts in one day when we were in college … but you fascinated me. I never found the guts to talk to you. There was this one time when you were on my campus … I was almost confident enough to approach you, I was fumbling with some stuff in my backpack on purpose, gaining the courage to talk to you … but then another classroom opened and I knew you were waiting for another girl … I don't know how, but the whole department of geology and archaeology knew you were hooking up with Julia … so instead I ran away. That was the closest I ever came to talking to you then.
Anyway, I'm diverting my attention again, aren't I? Okay. Shoot, I forgot the story I was going to tell … I'll think of something else. Give me a minute.
Yes I've got it… No wait. There are unicorns in that one, I think that was a dream. I'll think further.
Oh wait, I've got it. Remember two weeks ago? The day I danced with you for that video clip?
It's really bad to say this, I feel sick that I'm even thinking it, but I'm glad your main dancer called out sick that day … though I'm not a fan of cameras and spotlight, I truly enjoyed dancing with you. Like a lot. A lot a lot.
1 year and 7 months after Santana's mini-tour (after CH4) - Brittany's home
Ring – ring – ring
Where's that phone of me? I swear, if I didn't know Lord T is miles away from here, I would believe he hid it. Again.
Boom
"Ouch." I quickly stand up from where I tripped over one of my socks. "I mean, hello?" Shit, hopefully it's not someone serious.
"Brittany? You okay?" Ah, it's Santana. Always a pleasure to hear her voice. "Santana, hey!" I clear my throat. Why do I always sound so ridiculously enthusiastic. One day it's going to freak her out.
"What happened?" She asks. But there's a waver in her voice. "I'm fine. You okay?" I'm worried, she doesn't answer immediately. "Santana?"
She sighs over the phone. "Yeah, yeah. Sorry, it's just a stupid practical problem. You know I was filming this video clip today?"
I nod in confirmation, before remembering I'm on the phone. "Yeah I do. It was going to be all sexy and stuff. I'm jealous."
"Yeah, well it's not going to happen that way. My dance partner called in sick. This is serious trouble. Quinn already communicated a launch date for the clip. If we're not filming it today, it's going to be a problem. So we're figuring out a new story last minute, but it's not going great. I decided to take a break. Hear your calm voice." There's that flirtatious tone she's naturally wearing in her voice all the time. She doesn't realise it fully, but every time her velvet smooth, soft voice speaks that way, part of me melts.
I swear, that girl could make me do anything. Learn Lord Tubbington how to fly? Consider it done. Start a campaign for becoming president? Check. Private dance lessons in the bedroom? … for the sixth time? Sure.
Plus: that voice, combined with a cute compliment? Isn't that sweet? I swear, every week she's getting cuter and cuter. That tough exterior she so proudly tries to keep up, crumbled pretty fast. And not that a tough exterior is bad… it just wasn't Santana…When she's alone with people she trusts and loves. I'm honoured I'm part of that inner circle.
*Drawing of a mini-me knocking her fist on her chest out of proudness*
I feel bummed out for her though. "Aw, I'm sorry to hear San. What did you already came up with for a new story?"
There's some muffling on the other side of the phone. I can't understand everything, but I figure it's Quinn I hear having a discussion with Santana.
" – Just ask her already – it's .. –"
"No Quinn. she's going to feel obligated. I don't want to push her into things she doesn't want to do. It's already the fourth favour I would be asking of her, this is - …"
"Don't be a woos. You're afraid you're going to shit your pants if you'll dance together, aren't you? That's why you're afraid to ask he- "
What in the world are they talking about?
"Just give me the damn phone!" That I hear loud and clear. Not a second later Quinn greets me over the phone.
"Hey Brittany, it's Quinn. Listen, would you like to stand in for the dancer who called sick for the day? It's going to be easy-peesy for you, judging from the time I saw you dance. You just have to act all in love with Santana and you need to seduce her into dancing with you. That's it. Three minutes of music. There will just be a camera in front of you. What do you think?'
A slight panic overtakes me. "I – uhm, I don't know?"
"Give me back my phone!" Santana yells. "Hey, B, sorry about that. Listen. Uhm. So you absolutely don't need to feel obligated. But yeah, practically what Quinn was saying. Would you like to dance today?"
"She's not allowed to seduce you back Brittany. Won't that be amazing? You can tease the shit out of her!" I hear Quinn call on the background.
That is quite amazing to be honest.
God who would have thought? From the first moment in Golden star studios, where I didn't have a clue of how to talk to the girl, to this. I'm so happy my clumsy communication didn't put her off. And she teases the shit out of me these days about how I was so confusing the first few months we knew each other … is this a way I could tease her back? But what about dancing in front of others? In front of a camera for god's sake!
*Drawing of a mini-me thinking really hard.*
Before I can think it further through, I go with my gut feeling. "You know what? Yes, I'll help you out. Let me jump in the shower real quick and I'll be there in thirty minutes."
Quinn quickly asks Santana what I said, and she yells again. "Nonsense Brittany, I'll pick you up with my car. No need to ride your bike now. See you in ten?" She questions.
And up I go. I've never fantasized so much as then in the shower for ways of how to tease everything out of Santana. This is going to be awesome.
Forty minutes later – Studio for video clips
Once Kurt last minute accustomed an outfit for me, everything is ready to roll. It's actually a nice costume. It's this fancy T-shirt with a casual vest, combined with short shorts instead of long. The design has vertical stripes on the short and the shirt has the same colour scheme. I'll ask if I can keep the outfit, I'd really like to wear this in my day to day live …
The director put me and Santana aside for a moment, trying to explain what she expects of us.
"Okay, so Santana, we go with the first story?" The director checks with her, she nods in response. "In such manner, that means, Brittany-" She turns to me, getting straight to the point. This is freaking me out a bit. Couldn't we all say hello to each other first? "- the song is called 'for one night only', I figure you can sense where we'll go with the plot?" The director looks at me with purpose.
Wow, she's intense. I snap my eyes towards Santana, silently asking her what to do, because my brain stopped working the minute she looked at me like that. Santana senses my inner turmoil, but doesn't grab my hand. I get it.
We're not out in the public about our dating life. We wanted to enjoy being girlfriends by ourselves for as long as we could. It's a small miracle we're not discovered yet, to be honest. The way those cameras seem to be magnetic to Santana …
Either way. Seems like she doesn't want to out us in this studio. Fine by me. We're both private persons, so I don't mind at all. Nonetheless she clears her throat, subtly turning her body a bit more towards me. I appreciate it. "It's a story of how I go to a bar for the night, feeling all depr- uh down, and what not. There, I meet a girl, which you're going to portray. They try to seduce me to sleep with them for the night. The clip ends with me walking away from your house with a smile on my face …"
Seeing my confusion about the ending, she tries to defend the story. "I know." She awkwardly laughs. "It's not that deep, but lots of other songs have a deeper meaning, I wanted to put a lighter one in there."
"So how about you end the story with waking up together in the bed? Or going to have breakfast together? That's just as happy isn't it?" I argue. It's not that I'm against the proposition of the light story, it's just … those have been made a thousand time. And isn't it a bit of a strange message? I get it's okay to have one night stands if both of the people understand it's just that … but what's the fun in that? What about a connection? What about meeting your soulmate by accident on a random night?
Call me a romantic, but I'm not a huge fan of a one and done … though that might not be what the song is about. I've honestly haven't heard her sing it completely. She sang me the chorus, which was a huge privilege. Quinn told me even she has to do a lot of effort to hear Santana's songs beforehand.
So yes, chorus sure, but the whole of it … that's only for the people in the recording studio to know. Though maybe I'm making too big a deal of this. "Or erg – yeah sorry, I didn't mean it like that. I'll do whatever you ask. Consider it done." I add with full confidence. I don't want to make this day any harder for her. I'm happy to help her.
I just hope I can help her. I know they're convinced I'm a great dancer … but it's not like I do it professionally. I'm not sure I'm that good. Shit. What am I even doing here? Erg. Okay. No. Focus. You came here to help. And I love to dance! Focus on that. Okay great.
Meanwhile, Santana has started to conversate with the director. I didn't quite catch her name, something like Anna?
"It could be a good idea." Santana pikes up.
Anna seems more hesitant. "I don't know. We've already got a full schedule of what to film."
"Come on, that's only one scene different. What about we see how it goes?" She claims, her obvious charm working over hours to convince the director.
She nods in response, before she orders the room to set everything up for the first scene to film.
"You ready?" Santana whispers, a slight concern shining through her eyes.
I try to give her my most convincing smile, but there are still a bit of nerves tumbling around in my stomach. "I've never done something like this before."
"Don't worry, the first one is always a challenge. But I'm sure you'll do great." She squeezes my arm gently. "Is it okay we don't communicate us being together here? These walls have eyes and ears everywhere." She claims apologetically. She's looking over the room quickly, checking if no-one is listening in on our conversation.
I nod, and I'm not lying. "Yes, totally fine…" I shrug my brows. "You do realise you're not allowed to kiss me for the next six to ten hours right?" I tease.
*Winky face*
She huffs. "I didn't think of that before." She gives me her puppy-look eyes. "Can we come out as girlfriends now?"
I laugh, she's so funny, even when she's not even realising it. "Nope. You decided this, so you work through it." Seeing that the only person looking at us is Quinn, I take the leap and gently whisper in her ear. "Besides. Don't I get to seduce you for the rest of the day? What's the fun in not having a build up?" … That was a bold statement. I don't think I've ever said something like that before in my life. Santana just … she gets it out of me.
She's just as surprised as me at my teasing though, but amusement lashes through her vision too. "We'll see who cracks first." She states boldly.
Hah. This is going to be fun.
"All right. Everybody ready? And … Action!"
…
You look right into my eye
A thousand people surrounded
The only one I see is you
There is something in the air tonight
"Okay CUT"
"Erg." Santana claims. I get it, this is the fourth time she stops us after only three sentences into the song. "What is it now?" She almost snaps, but she's holding herself back, realising we've still got a long day to go with Anna directing.
Anna approaches us. She looks at me. Oh no. "Brittany. Is something wrong?"
I feel my cheeks redden. Feeling them redden, makes it only worse. Even my toes feel warmer than normal. This sucks. "Uhm. Sorry. I just need some times getting used to the setting. I've never danced in front of cameras and other people before."
If eyes could fall out of their sockets from surprise, that would have just happened with Anna's. She looks at Santana, before quickly calling for Quinn to talk with us. I feel mortified. Thank god the other dancers aren't here yet. They wanted to start with a few one-shots of Santana and I.
Once Quinn is within earshot, Anna starts talking again, an obvious tension dominates her voice. "This is the so called dancer you found for me to work with? She has zero experience!"
"HEY!" Santana calls. I'm startled, I've never heard her use that voice before. Is this protective Santana, Quinn warned me about? "She's an awesome dancer. Quinn and I can both vote for that. It makes perfect sense this takes some getting used to."
"Yeah, exactly. Remember Santana's first video clip? It took her two days before she was relaxed enough to look directly in the camera." Quinn interjects.
"I can understand that, I really do." Anna gives me a quick apologetic look. "But we don't have time for adjusting. We've only got the room for today, and the back up dancers are leaving in six hours!"
The silence is deafening, before Santana grabs my arm. "Can I talk to her for a minute alone? Then we'll be ready." She's not waiting for an answer from Anna. Instead she takes me to the entrance of the only door in the room.
"Can I help in some way?" She asks, genuine concern in her voice. "I know I'm asking a lot out of you, and I know how overwhelming those cameras can be. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have –"
"Santana!" Another voice, one I don't recognize, suddenly appears at the door. Santana pales a bit. That's … odd. "Sophia! What are you doing here?" I need to hold back my grimace, because I've never seen Santana use such a fake laugh.
Sophia. Hmm, Sophia. Where did I hear that name before? And why does this woman look familiar?
Oh! No! That's over clingy girlfriend Sophia. The one that's ready around the corner at every corner the second Santana wants to sleep with her … erg. I'm not the jealous type. Good thing, because the amount of women we've bumped into the last few months that Santana slept with in the past … too many to count. But this Sophia … she's something else. There's something about her … Plus: she's the first one Santana had benefits with after I rejected her. That hurt. Even though I wasn't in a position to be hurt…
Erg. She's grabbing Santana's arm. That's just … Good thing Santana looks as uncomfortable and lost as I, but come on Sophia, let her go. "I won the competition on the radio."
"Competition, what competition?" Santana asks confused.
"There was a competition, with questions about you. You could win a ticket for your next tour and a free entrance and look behind the scenes to the filming of one of your video clips." Out of nowhere, which is a superior talent of Quinn, she suddenly stands next to us.
"Great." … If you could win a price for saying the word great in the most fake way ever, Santana would have just won it.
Even though I can see she's not comfortable about the situation, something in me gets annoyed and jealous. It's in the way Sophia is standing one step too close by Santana's side, even if she's subtly trying to make more distance.
Flashes of the last time I saw Sophia with Santana in one of the theatres we've worked together, come to the forefront of my mind too. How she took Santana's arm possessively, casually kissing her like girlfriends do. Also kissing her like there was no tomorrow … ugh! This is a big down part of being secret girlfriends. I can't do anything about Sophia's crazy claiming Santana. I didn't think about that.
Suddenly, like you would turn on a light switch, something in me changes. "I'm ready." I interrupt out of nowhere. Luckily it' s not that strange, since conversation was non-existent anyway.
"Ready for what?" Santana quickly jumps in, happy for a distraction.
"To dance. Come on." It takes a lot of willpower to not grab Santana's hand, but luckily I succeed. If one of her ex's would figure out Santana has a girlfriend, it would only take another second before every fan of her knows. For sure.
Santana gestures towards Anna instead, showing we're ready to try again.
…
You look right into my eye
A thousand people surrounded
The only one I see is you
There is something in the air tonight
Santana is on the other side of the room, just out of reach of the green screen. We look at each other and at the same time we walk towards the middle, the camera getting a clean shot of us.
There's a glimmer in my eyes that doesn't go unnoticed by Santana, surprise crossing over her face. Flashes of Sophia kissing my girlfriend come back to mind… what is the matter with me? Either way. Anna didn't yell us to stop yet, so maybe I'm doing something right?
I approach Santana, who's singing the lyrics, while trying to concentrate on her movements. I make movements I haven't done in a while. It's been ages since I've danced in a club, and that's actually what Anna suggested to start the clip with. Literally making it feel like we're both looking for a fun night out.
I try to channel all my energy to Santana, slowly analysing all of her features. Her short pants she's currently wearing. Her shirt that's just not low enough to tease anyone. Her dark black curls waving with her movements. The way her lips echo the lyrics she's written. Her dark confident, yet soft brown eyes, staring directly into mine … people in books write how you can drown in someone eyes … I think I've just understood what that means.
Moving without thinking I can feel my body taking over. It's like it's doing everything it can to seduce the woman in front of me. Part of me feels silly. But another part of me feels excited. It's almost exhilarating to do this. And Santana can do nothing back! This is fun!
Let's have fun tonight
No regrets
No fear
I see you
And you see me
I vaguely remember this is the line where I can start to approach her more closely. I grab her hands in a confident way, gently but still clearly guiding her to the next part of the dance. We're moving in sink and I can actually hear her breath hitch. It only fuels my confidence more.
I accidentally glance in the camera for a second, because they just moved it closer, but Santana subtly squeezes my hand a bit harder, taking me back to the present with her in front of me.
Together we make history
Take me with you
And let me love you
I can't hold myself back at peeking a quick glance towards the rest of the people in the room. Sophia is giving me a furious look, which I enjoy a little too much. It's making me feel bad. I'm not the person who feels good about those sort of things … but Santana makes me feel slightly possessive about her, so I can't resist to wink at Sophia, slowly lowering my left arm towards the lower back of my (secret) girlfriend.
For one night only
You're the only one
For one night only
We'll be as one
Santana's eyes are shining intensely. I can't keep my eyes of them. The dancing part isn't difficult. I'm not even thinking about it that much, it just comes naturally. The feedback from Santana's body moving and responding to my motions is the only thing I need to not fall still.
Suddenly, the music comes to an abrupt stop. All right. Bummer. That's one way to get out of the moment.
"Cut. Great job. Let's call the dancers for their part. After that we can change the decor to the next scene." Anna's sharp voice breaks the bubble Santana and I were in for the moment.
A second later Quinn and Anna have joined us on the scene. "That was amazing. Wonderful. I think we've got everything we need in that one take." Anna sounds … happy? I don't know, her face shows enthusiasm, but she's so serious I can't quite figure out what she's actually feeling.
Before either of us can respond, she's already walking towards the camera man, explaining how she's envisioning the next shot.
"Holy shit. Brittany!" Quinn exclaims.
"Uh. Is that a good one or not?" I know it sounds like false modesty, but I'm really convinced I didn't do that great.
"Duh! I mean … You can dance!" It's funny, I've never seen Quinn look so agitated about me. "Santana, come on, back me up on this."
We both look at Santana, but it takes her a moment to snap her attention back to the conversation. "Huh?" Clearing her throat she tries again. "Uh yeah. Brittany!" She almost squeals. "What was that? Why didn't we do that earlier?"
A happy smile crosses over my face. "You're not just saying that to boost my confidence?" They both shake their heads. "Well thank you guys. It's kinda fun dancing with you like that."
"Fun isn't the only word I'd use right now." Santana mumbles between her teeth. Quinn rolls her eyes, and I laugh awkwardly. "What? You're making me horny Britt. How will I survive the rest of this day?!" She exclaims.
"Every person who's able to torture Santana like this, is perfect in my book. You're my hero." Quinn deadpans, but humour evident in her voice nonetheless.
Before we can talk further, Anna asks for our attention. The scene has returned to the beginning, only now the camera will film us more in the background. I don't know. I may be a technician when it comes to theatres, but cameras and the way something is filmed is definitely not my expertise. They will have their reasons to film in this order.
The more we dance, the more relaxed I am. Sophia has left somewhere after our third retake and I don't mind. My jealousy has long since gone, seeing the effect I'm having on Santana right now. Nevertheless. Every take Santana gets sneakier and sneakier. She's teasing me back, with her ticklish fingers over my stomach and back, her lips sometimes barely grazing over my ear … she knows all my weaknesses, and she's definitely using them against me.
It's torture. But the sweetest torture you could ever imagine. During one break we couldn't hold ourself together anymore, so we quickly ran to a random bathroom, far enough from the set we're working on, getting 'our mack on' as Santana so beautiful expresses.
The rest of the day passes in a blur, and it' time for the last scene. It's very quiet on set. All the backup dancers are already gone.
They're reading the last finishing touches to the scene of Santana walking away from 'my house', so I think I'm done for the day. Once I've drank a whole bottle of water in one go (dancing is intensive you know, I didn't expect to feel so tired. I feel like I'm maintaining my cardio so well with my boxing trainings …), I start to walk towards the dressing rooms, before Santana calls me back.
I'm a bit confused, but I approach her anyway. Anna is standing next to her. "Aah, Brittany. Great job today." I give her a polite thanks. I don't know, businesswomen like her aren't really my sort of persons. However that's not a reason to be rude. "I've got a suggestion for you and Santana. She already agreed, so you're the only one holding this back."
I try to gain Santana's attention. She just nods, giving me a confident smile and affirmation it's okay.
"- Seeing your chemistry on screen, I'd like to alternate the ending of the story…" I look over Santana, didn't I suggest that at the beginning of the day? She just shrugs in response, mouthing to me it's not worth fighting over. She must know, she's worked with Anna a lot of times. Plus, it's not that important to me who claims what. I'm tired. This day may end now. "…- So I suggest you share a kiss at the front door, before Santana sings her last few sentences of the song."
My attention snaps back to Anna's voice. "Huh?"
After explaining her idea in detail once again, I try to calculate Santana's opinion. This is not my video clip. It's hers. Though seeing her enthusiastic subtle look and nod, it seems like this is exactly what she wants.
"Sure." I try to shrug nonchalantly, but I'm not sure nonchalance is something people would put in my dictionary…
Either way. We both walk towards the fake door they quickly installed (I'm impressed. If I wouldn't be dancing, I'd asked their opinion on how they actually installed it so quickly, we might be able to exchange some tips & tricks on those technical parts).
I'm on the front porch, Santana is leaning against the wall next to the door. The only thing I need to do now is listen to her. My body is itching to dance. But to be honest, I'm not that mad the dancing part is over for the day. I'm exhausted. You can see Santana is too. Nevertheless we power through the last few tunes of her song.
For one night only
You're the only one
For one night only
We'll be as one
She slowly and sensually approaches me, closing her eyes on the last second, kissing me. It's very short and very innocent, but my stomach flutters anyway. I can't do anything else then looking towards her, before she turns around, showing her back to me and staring directly into the second camera.
For one night only
You'll be the one
For one night only
I long for you …
When she sang the last line, she passes me one last look. It's warming every bone in my body to the core. The desire she sends my way is almost too overwhelming. It takes every ounce of willpower to not turn into a pile of jelly right here, on camera. Instead I stand still, waiting until the director called a stop for the last time.
Once everyone starts to move again, I need my full concentration moving my legs towards the dressing room. Santana passes me by, asking me to stay over tonight.
The only thing I wonder right now, is if I actually succeeded in teasing her instead of the other way around …
*Santana dropping a mic*
POV Brittany - 1 year and 8 months after CH4 (after Santana's mini-tour)
Are these drawings too much? No? Yes? Tell me when you've read this San. I'm more of a drawer than a writer, I'm sorry if those drawings don't fit your story. I'll try to hold back on the sketches. They take a lot of time and I'm not sure how much time I've got left on my own today…
Oh I just thought of another story I definitely want to tell you! I know you told me that you're a bit cynic of what to think about my sister Bree. And part of me gets it, she was really full on the first time you two met… But I promise, she's an amazing person, I swear.
I sincerely hope you'll get along very well in the future. You guys are the two most important persons in my life. Anyway. Remember when I quit my job at Technicable Theatre Building?
Well, it didn't exactly go that smooth … I'm forever grateful I brought Bree with me that day.
…
1 year and 6 months after CH4 (after Santana's mini-tour)
I take one last deep breath, before grabbing the door handle of the building in front of me. It's a small building, one that would not come to vision as long as you're not searching for it. The façade is greyish, only a small plaque is put on the front door, saying 'push the bell and enter' with the logo of Technicable Theatre Building right below the piece of paper.
It looks a bit unprofessional to be honest. However, knowing the employees that work for this business, I totally understand they don't put any money in the exterior of their building. Everything they have, they put towards their clients… though a bit well-maintenance to their building couldn't do no harm ..
All that doesn't matter right now, because I'm feeling quite nervous. My hands all are clammy and I'm hesitant to open the door.
""You sure you wanna do this B?" For a second, I forgot Bree is standing next to me. I asked her to come with me.
Today's the day I'm quitting my job at Technicable Theatre Building. It's time. Be that as it may be, quitting a job is never an easy task. So Bree offered to help me. She's always there for me when I need her. I love her so much. Next to being sisters, we're best friends too. Sometimes people think we're a non-identical twin because of our closeness. We both receive it as a compliment. We'd go to hell and back for each other. Each in their own way, but we both know we can count on the other. Always.
But this girl today … she's getting on my nerves.
"Yes! For the hundreds time, I am sure." I don't sound aggressive, but you can definitely notice the annoyance in my voice.
Instead of getting agitated herself, she gently grabs my shoulder. "Do you have a backup plan? I mean …" She waves around without a proper purpose. "What if Santana isn't serious about that job offer? I know I was very enthusiastic the first time we met … but she seemed so …"
I give her an exaggerated look. "So what?"
She huffs. "I don't know, okay. She seemed great. I just don't trust people who put so much milk and sugar in their coffee. You know that." seeing my unimpressed expression, she continues. "What even is a personal technician? I don't trust this…" Her blue eyes look serious and concerned. I know she means well, but it's totally unnecessary.
"Bree. I love you. But can you please just trust me on this one? I'm ready for a new chapter. Remember when you dropped literally everything in your life?" She huffs. I don't waver, crossing my arms offensively. "You didn't become a national geographic explorer because of staying in your comfort zone, didn't you?"
"That's different." She stubbornly states.
I raise my brows in challenge. "Different why?"
She needs a second, thinking of a way to say whatever's on her mind in a way I'll listen. I give her the time. However, what comes next isn't exactly that thought-through. "Because I didn't just crawl out of a deep depression!"
I freeze. She wavers. "Shit B. I didn't mean like-"
I interrupt her, anger coming to the surface. "Yes you did mean that. You're afraid I'm going to fall back in a depression." I sigh, trying to keep calm. "Look. I get your worry, I really do. But this last year … I finally found back some energy to push myself up again. I became much stronger … so can you please, just this once, let me take a leap of faith, without acting like I'm made of glass?"
She sighs, freakishly in the same way as me. "I know Britt. Don't ever think I underestimate your strength. I don't. You're the strongest person I've ever met in my life." I look away, but she doesn't let me. She's dead serious, and for the first time this day, I truly believe her. "I just …" she crosses her arms. "I don't trust this Santana person… I've had my fair share of boyfriends who I thought helped me … but in the end they only took all my energy away from the things I'm passionate about …"
I grab her hand, squeezing it gently. I remember the times she came knocking on my door, crying her eyes out because some boy cheated on her … it still makes me so angry to this day. However, I push that anger down. I don't think it's her intention to change the subject like that.
"I understand Bree .. but don't worry about me …" I'm not sure how she'll take it, but I think it's important to tell her this. "- I actually, I erg … I learned from your mistakes to be honest."
She looks at me with nothing but confusion. I lean against the wall, my left foot was starting to get in a cramp. "I saw how unhealthy your relationship became with Thomas – how you started dating when you were on your lowest … it might be a healthy and good thing for some, but I don't think it's the way for us to heal. This has nothing to do with Santana, I swear. In fact –"
Should I tell her this? "- I actually waited to date her for a long time … First I wanted to get my head back above water, by myself. I needed to find my own motivation and strength again… I didn't jump or accepted the interest I had in her until I found back a part of my footing … not that I was fully happy and not-depressed at that point … but I was at a place where I could see some lightness again. And I did that all on my own. It's still a bumpy road, but I can see where I'm going, and I waited until that time to let Santana in…"
I stop for a moment, thinking it over. "I mean that in a general way. I've got things Santana helped me with. For example. You can say Santana did help me to get more confident. She's so careless in a way that makes me feel so silly about my insecurity .. it's a healthy mirror to have."
I see I've gained her full attention, a small smile flickering on her face. "You see Bree? I'm not dependent on Santana, I swear."
She smiles. "I'm proud of you sis." She grabs my shoulders, embracing me fully. "You know I love you right? It's only out of love I'm acting like this." She whispers gently.
"Can't breathe." I huff. Sometimes we're both too fragile to get sentimental with each other, but we always get the message abroad. It's the way we work. Words are not that necessary. It's awesome.
She doesn't respond, but after another second she lets me go. A deep belly laugh erupts from her, which I don't fully understand. "I'm just. I'm happy to hear this Brittany, I really am … but I actually meant I was worried Santana was going to give you a job for a week and then fire you or something … I wasn't aiming about those deep emotions – though I'm very happy to hear you're getting better." I shrug. "You can be a very closed book, you know that right B?" She asks.
I nod reluctantly. "I think we're sisters just for that reason Bree, you're not much better than me at that."
She sticks her nose in the air, trying to seem all strong and arrogant. It only makes me laugh. "Sure. Now I believe you. You're an open book." After we both get some tension out by laughing, I speak up again.
"Even on a practical level you don't have to worry sis. I'm ready to get back in the world. I loved the time I worked here, not having to look for jobs myself … but my desire to grow in my job and get a workplace I can call my own, instead of jumping from place to place … I want something new. Whether that'll be working for Santana or working someplace else, I don't really care. I just want something new. I can start with helping Santana out. But I'll always look out for new stuff too."
She nods a few times, sensing my seriousness. There's nothing more she needs to be convinced. "All right. Let's get this over with." She grabs my elbow, intertwining our arms together, before pushing the bell and entering the waiting area.
Like always, there's someone sitting at the front desk.
"Hello Brittany. Do you have an appointment?" Dirk, the most common secretary, greets me politely. He's always happy. I don't get where he gets the energy from, but it's always a pleasure to see him.
'Hey Dirk! Yes, I have one with Sarah." He grabs his phone, probably to contact Sarah (she's the big boss of the company, I've only seen her at my first solicitation, she's quite an impressive woman). When he tells me she'll be there in five, I ask for his attention once more. "Dirk, can I just thank you for always being such a sunshine here?"
He looks surprised, not really sure where my compliment is coming from. He's already half shrugging the compliment away, but I don't let him. "No seriously man. It made it easier to get here. Plus you always gave me the nicest jobs, and you were always prepared to help me if I asked. You're a wonderful person… I just wanted to say thank you." I smile once again, quickly grabbing the chocolates I bought for him, I know he adores. I don't let him refuse them, so I just put the box on his desk.
"You're not dying aren't you?" He asks, very worried.
Bree can't hold back her laughter, and I giggle for a second. "No, absolutely not. I'm just … working here, I think I'm ready for something new –" He nods in understanding. "That's great you're getting back out there Brittany. I always knew you were not meant to stay here for your whole life."
Tears start to form in my eyes. I know it's not easy to comprehend why. But when I knocked on this door, three years ago, I was at my lowest in life. Had no motivation for anything. Everything was so numb. It was hard. This job gave me something to live for, something to feel useful about … hearing him say he always had hope I'd get out of that slump … it's amazing.
Seeing my emotional state, he jumps up from his chair, embracing me fully. "You got this Brittany." He whispers.
Before I can answer, the sound of heels clacking on the ground become louder and louder. "Brittany?" Sarah clears her throat, giving me and Dirk a second.
Giving my sister a questioning look, I quickly explain to Sarah she's my sister. I see she doesn't exactly understand why she's here with me. She doesn't protest though, so I figure it's okay to bring her with me.
The walk to her office is silent. Our footsteps echoing in the boring, grey hallway. She opens the door to her private office. It's the same place where I did my solicitation.
Her office is much more joyful, in comparison to the hallway. The walls are a soft blue colour. Her desk is out of wood, one I think she bought at the second-hand store, because you can see it's had better days … but the deep colour of wood makes it feel very homy. She's got three comfortable chairs in here and besides a computer and some papers, her desk is pretty clean.
I can feel Bree analysing the room, just like I did the first time. Because the most amazing part about this office, is the dozens and dozens of pictures put on the walls, from employees with bright smiles on their faces …
"So, why did you want to schedule a meeting Brittany? Everything okay?" She asks, getting straight to business I guess.
I clear my throat, the nerves of actually speaking the words out loud getting the best of me. Bree takes a subtle step closer, showing me her support. "I uhm – I quit." The words are out before I could strategize a more gentle approach. Feeling Bree giving me a small nudge I compose myself again.
"I mean … first I want to thank you for giving me all the freedom and time to get myself back on the work market. I appreciate this a lot. But after finding a more regular job at 'Golden star Studios' through your partnership (I won't tell her I'm planning on quitting there too, it's unnecessary) and searching for more footing back in the normal work environment … I'd like to find a job that pays more and uh – with all due respect … every job I got through this, was nice to have of course … but people tend to see my working time as a charity, something like they do me a favour … and I don't like that. uh- " Hearing myself talk, I realise I'm really not saying this like I wanted to.
Sarah looks at me strangely, her defensiveness gets more and more clear.
I look at Bree, begging her to help me. She clears her throat, asking my permission to talk in my place. I nod. "What Brittany's trying to say, is that unfortunately, people tend to underestimate people with a label. Whether it's a physical disability, a mental disability, or a mental health struggle … Brittany noticed that lots of employees were almost feeling sorry for her … I mean, one of her bosses called her retarded because she worked from Technicable Theatre Building!"
She holds her hand out, sensing the apology from Sarah already coming. "And that is not this companies fault … that's the way the world sometimes works." She takes a pause, and I see Sarah getting a bit less defensive. Thank god for my sister. I'm so glad I brought her with me.
"Your company really helped my sister in offering her jobs when she was gaining back her footing in her most challenging months … but now she feels ready for the next step in her life. She feels ready for something more. She wants to find a job on her own, one that can maybe get her higher on the ladder, and one that she can find independently."
Sarah nods in understanding. I squeeze Bree's arm gently, thanking her, before speaking up again myself. "Yeah, exactly what she said. So thank you, but I'd like to resign?" I say hesitantly.
Sarah offers me a soft smile. "Of course Brittany, you don't have to be nervous. There's a reason why we made a year by year contract in your situation. I'm just going to have to see how we can shorten your contract for this year, depending on how quickly you want to quit. But most of all I'm happy to hear you're starting to feel better again. In the end that's all I hope for my employees. Finding a way to live their life at their fullest. Whether that be by working through my company for their whole life, or whether it's just an interim step …"
The rest of that afternoon passed by in a bit of a blur. Financial and administration stuff has never been my strongest suite. Hence the other reason why I asked Bree to go with me.
POV Brittany - 1 year and 8 months after CH4 (after Santana's mini-tour)
You see? Bree may seem like she has a very tough not caring exterior, but when it comes down to it, she would move heaven and earth for the people she loves… She's just very protective, and if it comes down to it, I'm her first priority … sounds familiar, that tough exterior and protectiveness? You're actually quite alike, aren't you?
Hah sorry. I'm teasing again, aren't I? Anyway. I'm glad you're starting to get along since that first meeting in Luke's corner.
Hold up.
My phone buzzes. Where is it? Ow is that the time already?! It's probably you calling.
Noooo! I still want to read the rest of what you've written! It's already so late… I'm not even halfway through this story! I'll stop writing and continue reading. Hope this is enough of an apology for you.
Gotta go. Love ya. Bye.
*Sloppy drawing of a waving hand*