Bella woke Monday morning, at her usual time and out of habit grabbed her phone to reply to Carlisle, only to find he hadn't texted her. Frowning at her phone, she wondered if maybe he'd forgotten or was busy with work. Trying to shrug it off, she decided to just text him. Normally in the mornings, he was quick to respond, but today, it took nearly 20 minutes for him to reply with a simple 'morning'.
Odd.
He always said, 'good morning sweetheart', so this was definitely out of the ordinary for him. Reaching out through the bond, she found nothing, his emotions felt guarded, like he was trying to lock them away. What was going on? Deciding to try and talk to him after class, she finished getting ready for school, trying not to let his odd behavior bother her.
Edward picked her up, as normal, and they chatted about their weekends. Apparently, Edward and Esme hadn't done much for Valentine's Day, though Edward had bought her flowers, and they'd spent the day hiking through the woods. Edward insinuated to some other activities but she shut him down from telling her any details. It was cute. She told Edward a PG version of what happened to her and Carlisle and as they parked, Edward chuckled.
"Strange, the way he was acting, I thought maybe it didn't go well."
Tilting her head, she frowned at him. "Why, what happened?"
Edward shrugged as they headed into the school. "He just seemed, distant, even his thoughts were guarded."
"Hm." She worried at her lower lip. Was he upset because of their talk on the car ride home, was he mad that she'd brought it up, or was it something else? "I'll talk to him after class."
"Let me know how it goes." Edward waved as he headed off to class.
Entering her classroom, she could tell something was off. Carlisle smiled, but it seemed forced. As he lectured, he didn't have the normal enthusiasm that he normally had and seemed more like he was going through the motions. She tried several times to reach out through the bond, but each time, she felt nothing from him. It was like he wasn't there, and it was starting to scare her. The bell was a welcome sound, and she gathered her things and waited for everyone to leave before approaching Carlisle. He didn't have a class coming for second period, so she knew they had time to talk.
"You didn't come over last night." It was a statement, but also a question she'd been wondering about all morning. Why didn't he join her last night.
"No, I didn't." Carlisle didn't look at her, instead he busied himself with the assignments they'd turned in at the beginning of class.
"Why?"
He paused for a moment. "I didn't think I was welcome."
"Why would you think that?"
Carlisle's gaze finally met her own, hurt flittered across his eyes before he quickly masked it. "Have you already forgotten yesterday?"
Shaking her head, she held his gaze. She remembered, she remembered him asking her to be patient, she remembered feeling like he was pushing her away again, that same feeling still prevalent in her mind. "You asked me to be patient with you, you said you hoped I understood, but I don't. You controlled yourself just fine, so what's the problem? Every time I try to get close to you, you pull away, then a few minutes later, it's like you're pulling me in again. It's confusing."
"I know, I'm trying, Bella. I'll tell you anything you want to know about me, but physical intimacy is something I need time to adjust to. Just because we managed to get away with it once, doesn't mean that will always be the case, especially when it comes to my own pleasure. I won't risk you."
They stood there for a moment, just staring at each other. The halls were slowly emptying as students reached their classes. She wasn't sure why this bothered her so much. Maybe it was because of what Jessica said about guys getting bored if they didn't get laid. Even though she knew Carlisle wasn't like that, it still worried her. Over the weekend, he'd been so focused on pleasing her that she felt she'd neglected him. She couldn't afford to whisk him away, so the only way she could think of to repay him was through physical intimacy.
If only he'd let her.
"Shouldn't that be my decision? I'm willing to take the risk…"
"I'M NOT." Carlisle shouted, causing her to flinch.
Bella watched as he closed his eyes, taking several slow breaths to calm himself down. When he spoke, his tone was low, his gaze sharp and it sent a chill down her spine. She'd never seen him like this and for the first time, she was scared of him.
"Is sex so important to you that you'd ignore my feelings on the matter, that you'd ask me to risk your life?"
Lowering her head, she shifted from foot to foot. He was right. She was ignoring his feelings and only putting hers first. She was so afraid of losing him that she was trying to force intimacy on him before he was ready. This was all new territory for him. She'd been nervous during her first time, but it was worse for him since he could so easily hurt her. He couldn't give himself over to pleasure like a normal person. Why hadn't she thought about this before?
"You're right." Lifting her head, she met his gaze so he could see her sincerity. "I'm sorry. I got stuck in my head that the only way I could keep you interested was with sexual acts. I can't take you somewhere nice, buy you expensive things, but I can give you me. I shouldn't have pushed it; I'll try to be more respectful of your boundaries."
The final bell rang as Carlisle reached out brushing the backs of his fingers over her cheek. "My request for time wasn't me trying to pull away, and I'm sorry if you felt it was. If I'm honest, when I'm with you I feel like a teenaged boy all over again, fumbling through my wants and desires, but also wanting to make sure you know how much I love you. We could go the rest of eternity and never have sex, and I'd be ok with it, as long as you stayed by my side."
Smiling, she leaned into his hand. "I'm not going anywhere."
The walls that had kept them separated all morning, finally vanished and she was once again able to feel him, his love for her spilling into her. They stood there for a few minutes, each wanting to embrace the other, but knowing they couldn't in such a public place, until Carlisle finally pulled his hand back.
"I'll write you a pass for your next class, so you don't get hit with attendance."
As he moved to do just that, Bella followed him, not ready to leave his side just yet. "Before I go, are we ok?"
A gentle smile spread across his face. "Yes, sweetheart, we're ok."
"Good, then you'll come by tonight, I hope."
Carlisle's smile widened as he snuck in a quick kiss. "Yes, I'll come by tonight. Now run along, I don't want you falling behind."
With a little smile she headed off to her next class. Jessica avoided her after second period, though she wasn't really upset by it, and Mike seemed torn between the two of them, though he eventually seemed to side with Jessica. The next few classes passed uneventfully and when lunch came, she sat at the Cullen table, deciding to just avoid any possible drama with Jessica who was snubbing her anyway. Edward pestered her for an update on her and Carlisle, so she gave him a quick rundown, keeping it to a misunderstanding that occurred between them and not telling him it was about their pending sex life.
Edward seemed to take her answer at face value, though she knew if he tried hard enough, he'd get the full details from Carlisle's mind. The lack of privacy was something she was not used to yet, knowing that Edward would likely know everything that she and Carlisle did made her a bit uneasy. It was something she meant to ask him about.
After school she headed to the Cullen house, Edward wanting to perform the song he'd been writing for her. So, for the first hour or so, she sat with him in the music room, listening to the beautiful music he was playing, trying to give her input even though she didn't know all the terminology. Curious she asked him why he was writing the song for her.
He smiled this boyish little grin. "I like to write music; plus, the way Carlisle sees you is honestly beyond words. He truly adores you, and would do anything for you, and I think that's beautiful, and wanted to put music to it."
It brought a smile to her face to think that the song he'd written was a symbol of their love. It made her feel a little guilty again that she'd been pushing him to try to go beyond his limits. The train of thought brought her back to her question at lunch.
"I assume with yours and Alice's gifts that not a lot stays private around here, right?"
He shrugged. "We don't run around telling everyone everything we see or hear, but yes, I'll likely know most of your secrets or intimate activities through Carlisle. Really, though, we're not that secretive. We spend so much time hiding what we are that when we're here, we're open about most things, including sex."
Sighing, she tucked her legs under her, leaning against the arm rest of the plush chair she was in. "So, I might as well get used to that, huh? Will you be offended if I ask for alone time with him now and then?"
Edward laughed. "Not at all. Just tell us to go hunting or something. We'll give you space if you want it."
"You're the best." She smiled, letting the music wash over her as he continued to play.
"I know."
They both laughed and after Carlisle finished his grading, she went and joined him in his study, convening on the couch. Normally she'd happily curl up on his lap or nestle into his side, but today, she sat down, grabbed a pill and set it in her lap, and pulled him down to lay his head on the pillow. He gave her a curious look but said nothing. She lightly ran her fingers through his hair, humming the song Edward had written for them, smiling as Carlisle's eyes closed.
They sat like that for a long time, Bella happily stroking Carlisle's hair, humming away and if she didn't know better, she'd think he'd fallen asleep. It was a joy to see him like this, so relaxed that she wouldn't be surprised if the man started purring. Laying a hand on his chest, her fingers absentmindedly traced little patterns over his shirt, as she watched the slow rise and fall of his chest.
After a while, Edward came to collect her and bring her home. It was bittersweet since she'd been enjoying her time with Carlisle but knew in a few hours the man would be in her room and they'd be wrapped in each other's arms again. So she went without a fuss, and once home, worked on homework till he showed up.
All was back to normal, and she was happy.
Tuesday and Wednesday passed quickly, as did the majority of Thursday, though Edward, and Alice, were acting a little strange. Well, stranger. They seemed eager for her to head home once school ended on Thursday, though she had no idea why.
Edward dropped her off, as normal, and when she went into the kitchen, she found a note from Charlie saying he had been called into the station and that she'd be on her own for dinner. Shrugging, she heated herself up some leftovers, sat on the couch while she ate and watched some random show that looked interesting. After Bella finished her dinner she headed upstairs and was surprised to find Carlisle already perched on the end of her bed.
"You're early."
He stood and she quickly hugged him, getting a good whiff of his cologne. "I was thinking about everything from this last weekend and Monday. You were right to an extent, I did say I wanted to wait, then we did what we did at the theatre. That would be a confusing mix message for anyone."
Nodding, she waited. He looked like he wanted to continue but was clearly nervous about doing so. His hands kept fidgeting in front of him, going from rubbing against his pants, to wringing his shirt. It was very cute to see him so clearly flustered.
"I was wondering if you wanted to try tonight. Not full-on sex, but I want to see if I can handle having you…pleasure me."
Bella was certain that if he could, the man would be sweating and bright red and she couldn't help but tease him. "For a doctor your quite shy."
Chuckling, he ran a hand through his hair. "I can talk about it with patients just fine, but for some reason, asking you to pleasure me feels 100 times harder."
Laying her hands on his chest, she guided him back onto the bed. "I'm sure it will get easier the more you do it."
Once he was situated against the headboard she joined him, straddling his thighs. She could feel how nervous he was, and it made her smile a little. To help him relax, she leaned in and kissed him, slowly at first. It worked and gradually Carlisle relaxed in this familiar territory as he kissed her back. One of his hands came to rest on the back of her neck, holding her close as his lips moved over hers.
It felt good being with him like this. She had to remind herself this was about him tonight, not her. Pulling away from the kiss, she moved his hands down to rest on the bed, before her own lightly trailed down his chest to the growing bulge in his pants. Carlisle swallowed audibly as her fingers ghosted over his clothed erection, his cock twitching in anticipation. Glancing up at him, she was met with a determined look on his face and a nod for her to continue.
Unbuckling his belt, she pulled the leather from around his waist and dropped it to the floor with a loud thunk. Still, he looked determined, so she undid his pants, lowered the zipper and together they shimmied his pants past his hips. Slowly, so he had time to stop her, she reached for him. Running her palm along his straining cock, she smiled to herself, happy to know she'll be the first to pleasure him. His hips gave a little jerk as she wrapped her fingers around his clothed length, giving the head a gentle squeeze.
Pulling the front of his boxer briefs down freeing his erection, she gripped him firmly by the base before glancing up at him. "Still doing, ok?"
"Yeah, I'm ok." His eyes were dark, laden with lust, but his body was tense again, his hands gripping the covers in a death grip.
Taking her other hand, she cupped his face, stroking his cheek with her thumb, trying to offer him some comfort. "If this is too much too fast, we can stop. As much as I want to do this with you, you don't look like you're enjoying it."
His eyes pinched closed for a moment, clearly having some sort of inner struggle if the myriad of emotions flowing from him was any indication. Opening his eyes again, he met her gaze, the determination back in his eyes. "I want to do this. I want to experience all of this with you. I don't know how my body will react, so I'm trying to stay as still as possible, so I don't accidentally harm you. In time, I'm sure I'll be able to be more relaxed while we do this, but I am enjoying it, even if I don't look it."
"Ok, but don't hesitate to tell me to stop if you need too." She insisted.
He gave her a nod, so she returned her focus to his cock giving it a slow stroke from base to tip. Carlisle let out a shaky moan, a bead of fluid seeping out of the tip as his cock pulsed in her hand. Twisting her palm over the tip, she used the fluid to help slick up his cock, his hips twitching again. She continued to stoke him in a slow rhythm, making sure to give the head of his cock a gentle squeeze or running her palm over it on each stroke.
At first, Carlisle looked almost pained as he tried to resist his natural reactions. After a while, his body started to relax, and he started to give up little sounds of pleasure. His hands still had a death grip on her covers, and it didn't look like that would change any time soon. It seemed to be helping him, so she decided not to say anything. A smile tugged at her lips hearing his sounds of pleasure, and when she snuck a glance at him through her lashes, her smile widened. His eyes were dark and focused watching her hand as she worked him, his mouth slightly open as he moaned softly.
Keeping the pace steady, she worked him until his moans turned needy and his hips continuously rocked up into her hand. Stroking him faster she was rewarded with a guttural moan, Carlisle's eyes fluttered closed, his jaw going slack. Giving him a moment to acclimate to the new pace, she shifted so she could grind against one of his thighs, her own arousal demanding attention.
Carlisle took a slow breath, his eyes snapping open, his normally golden eyes almost black with lust. As he let out the breath there was a low rumbling growl that emanated from deep in his chest. He swallowed hard, turning away from her, his jaw clenching.
Slowing her hand, she placed her other hand on his chest. "Carlisle, are you ok?"
He let out another slow breath before he nodded, turning back to her, his eyes more golden now. "I can smell your arousal."
Bella blushed a deep red. She hadn't considered that he might be able to smell her like that and now she wasn't sure if it was a good thing or not. Shifting a little, she bit her lower lip. "Is that bad?"
Carlisle chuckled dryly. "No sweetheart, you smell incredible. I'm tempted to throw you onto your back, tear off your jeans and have a taste."
She shuddered. It sounded like fun if she was honest. With a little grin, she leaned forward and laid a few kisses against the side of his neck moving up to his ear. "Sounds like fun."
It was Carlisle's turn to shudder. "Please don't encourage me right now. It's already taking a great deal of effort to hold myself back as it is."
Pulling back, she smiled. "Then we'll save that for another night."
Resuming the hand job, she stroked him faster than before, using her other hand to run her palm over the head of his cock. Carlisle let out a surprised grunt that bled into a long moan, his head falling back against the headboard as his back arched, his legs shifting under her.
"Oh God, that feels…so good, Bella…please don't stop…"
Smiling, she kept it up, and it wasn't long before his moans became more insistent as he grew closer to the precipice. His chest heaved as he panted and his body, despite his obvious efforts, writhed under her as he chased his release. Bella loved seeing him like this, though she wished he could completely let go. Wanting to help him along, she smiled picking up the pace of her hands.
"Come for me Carlisle. Let go."
"Ah…Bella…" He moaned, his breath quickening.
A few strokes later, he gasped as he came, his hips jerking up as his back arched slightly as he panted through his orgasm. Bella stroked him through his release, milking his cock of every drop, before finally letting him go as his body trembled and twitched in post orgasmic bliss. Grabbing some tissues from the nightstand she cleaned up her hands, and in her peripheral vision, she could see the death grip he had on her covers finally release.
Carlisle took a moment, just leaning back against the headboard, head back and eyes closed as his breathing slowed. Letting him bask a bit in his release, she gingerly cleaned him up, enjoying the blissed-out look on his face. It made her wonder if he'd ever had an orgasm before this. As she finished, he seemed to come out of his blissed state, so she climbed off him so he could pull his pants back up.
As soon as he'd pulled them back up, he reached over to her, and pulled her back onto his lap, cuddling her to his chest. "Thank you."
She chuckled. "You don't have to thank me for getting you off, I'm happy to do it. It was fun."
He chuckled as well. "I meant it as more than just that. Thank you for being patient with me, I know it must be frustrating for you."
Humming, she nuzzled into his shoulder. "Honestly, it's not that bad. Now that I know you want to be with me, regardless of whether we're having sex, it helps put my mind at ease. Though I do feel guilty still for lumping you into the 'stereotypical guy whose only out for sex' category."
"A valid concern, seeing as majority of the teens you're around all day would only be out for sex, over an emotional connection." One of his hands took hers, bringing it up to his lips. "You won't have to worry about that, though."
Smiling at the gesture, she rubbed the back of her hand against his smooth cheek, keeping their fingers intertwined. "Is it because of the bond we share?"
"In part." Those shiny golden eyes met hers. "The other part is because I refuse to be a slave to my baser desires. I may imagine what our coupling will be like, but I have no desire to rush into it, nor will I put you at risk for it."
A thought popped into her head and before she could stop herself, it spilled out of her mouth. "Would it be easier if you had someone else you could let go with?"
"Probably."
"Oh." Her heart sank a little, she'd hoped he'd say no, or something like she was the only one for him. Maybe that was selfish of her, she didn't want to share him, but if it made things easier on him, she would do it. "Would you want to find someone?"
"No."
Blinking, she looked up at him. "But you said it would be easier, so wouldn't it make sense to have your first with someone you won't hurt versus waiting to do it with me?"
"Bella, I've had ample opportunities to experience sex before. I chose not to because for me, sex is an important milestone between partners. I'm aware it's old fashioned, but I wanted my first time to be with someone I cared about and that cared about me. Casual sex just never appealed to me."
It made her smile knowing he'd turned down others but was willing to be with her, it helped ease that insecurity she still harbored that he might one day find someone more appealing than her. Knowing he'd basically waited all this time for her, it was a confidence boost for sure.
"Does it bother you that I'm not a virgin?" She wondered out loud.
"No." Carlisle gave a lopsided grin. "At least one of us will know what their doing."
Bella couldn't help the laugh that came out of her. "This coming from the doctor."
"Just because I can name every muscle involved with sex doesn't mean I know all the intricacies of it."
"When do you think we can try it?" She asked a little tentatively.
Carlisle shrugged. "I don't have a timeline scheduled out, but I was thinking at least once more like this, just to ease my insecurities, then we can try to pleasure each other together and if that goes well, we can move on."
Nodding, she yawned before getting up to change into her pajamas. She could feel his eyes on her as she changed, and it made her grin. Climbing back into bed, they settled down for the night and Bella quickly fell into a deep sleep. The next week passed slowly; homework seemed to be getting heavier as they moved towards midterms in a few weeks. Carlisle, of course, visited every night, but they mostly just enjoyed each other's company, having both agreed they didn't want to engage in anything while Charlie was in the house.
It was later in the week that Charlie ended up working late again giving them a chance to be together and though she wanted to have Carlisle's touch, she was more eager to get to touch him. So, just as before they took it slow, Carlisle's hands actually touching her back a little at the beginning. As he grew closer to his release, his hands fell away from her, gripping the covers again until he came. Once he'd recovered from his orgasm, he'd offered to get her off, but she used his excuse from the theatre that his satisfaction was enough for her. She meant it too, knowing she could do this with him was like a drug that she was quickly becoming addicted to.
She just hoped things would continue to go smoothly for them as she lay cradled in his arms.