AT THE GOETIA MANSION...
"Wait a minute, can you really sing, Balin?" Via tilted her head in curiosity.
"Yes. He. Can." replied Tex, patting the boy's back and explaining everything to the princess. "And really well too. Isn't that right, lil' man?"
"I guess so." Balin replied with a blush.
"You guess, eh...?" smirked Via. "How about you serenade something for us?"
"...Sure. I'd be happy to." smiled the kid.
Octavia and Tex took a seat on the couch in front of him to watch this performance. And as he took his deep breaths, one of the Goetia's Venus fly-traps arrived with a piano, making the boy nod in agreement and show it the sheet music for the song he was singing.
A/N: Wow. A venus fly-trap playing the piano? This show and the story is absolutely bonkers.
"NO TIME TO DIE" by BILLIE EILISH.
BALIN:
I should've known.
I'd leave alone.
Just goes to show.
That the blood you bleed is just the blood you own.
We were a pair.
But I saw you there.
Too much to bear.
You were my life but life is far away from fair.
Was I stupid to love you,
Was I reckless to help?
Was it obvious, to everybody else?
That I'd fallen for a lie.
You were never on my side.
Fool me once,
Fool me twice.
Are you death or paradise.
Now you'll never see, me cry.
There's just no time to die.
No time to die!
No time to DIE! Mmm...
Fool me once,
Fool me twice.
Are you death or paradise.
Now you'll never see, me cry.
There's just no time to die.
Throughout the song, Tex and Via were stunned by his incredible voice, their smiles growing wider until the song reached its soft end.
Once Balin finished singing, the two and the Venus fly-traps clapped like crazy for 10 seconds.
As the little boy bowed and smiled having sung his heart out, Via ran over to him and picked him up, hugging him tightly. Even Tex wrapped his beefy arms around the two, since they were quite small enough to be hugged by him.
"OMS, Balin!" exclaimed Via in excitement. "Why didn't you tell me your voice was beautiful?"
"I don't know." replied Balin modestly.
"Well let me tell ya, that was incredible." smiled Tex, ruffling the boy's hair.
The boy madly blushed at the love and feedback he received his favourite but most vulnerable of passions, asking Via to keep it a secret from I.M.P for now.
"Don't worry, darling." she replied. "We all have our days in the sun. And given time, you'll, have, yours." she then booped his nose, making Balin giggle adorably.
"Oh, speaking of I.M.P!" Tex cleared his throat. "BRB. Gotta give Loona a heads-up."
The male hound grabbed out his phone and was just about to call, when Loona ironically started phoning him up instead. So Tex quickly answered it.
"Hey, hey Tex. W'sup?" asked Loona, almost letting out an awkward snort from the other side.
"Nothin' much. 'Sup with you?"
...
MEANWHILE, ON EARTH...
Loona was calling an hour away from Philadelphia, at a cemetery where the imps were burying the bodies, including the masseuse and the men ripped apart by the stray dog pack Loona led them to.
"Oh, just finished off the kiddo's lil' Choose Your Own Adventure." she replied, twirling her hair. "We're just about to head back to pick up our paw before picking him up once we're done here."
...
"Oh, shit, really?" Tex said. "Well, great timing. I was just 'bout to call you."
"You were? Is-Is Balin okay?" asked Loona with little concern.
Tex then looked back to see Balin and Via as the boy showed her his homework and his other school papers marked with little green stamps by his teachers.
"Aww, darling, that's amazing." she said, giving him soft head rubs. "I guess I have one more reward for you now." she gently kissed his forehead as he smiled at her.
"Yeah, he's good." replied Tex to Loona. "Stolas actually phoned up saying that Via was home alone after her meeting, and I thought while I guard the crib, the two'd keep each other company as she rehearses. ...Right after Carmine came and..."
"THE Carmine?" Loona sounded like she widened her eyes and perked up her ears through the phone.
...
And she did.
"You mean, the angel killer?" she continued with a whisper.
"That's the one."
"And... what?" continued Loona again. "Did she, hurt him?"
"Well... maybe a little?" Tex also replied in a whisper. "During his homework with her 'business' partner, she was saying all this shit about him becoming a possible Exorcist when he dies, then..."
...
Tex then stopped talking to hear a pissed-off bark and growl come out of Loona.
"She called him... insecure?" he then finished sheepishly. "He's okay now, really. For now."
Loona soon took a deep breath and calmed down. "I guess I'll see you at the Goetia's." she said.
"Will do." replied Tex with a nod of his head before hanging up.
...
Loona hung up feeling so sorry for the kid. Of course, that sorrow was kept secret from the imps, who she saw digging up the open graves with Nep and Mari's help.
"Mauled victim 15... bitch-bag of a masseuse..." Blitzø counted, walking from grave to grave. "And this open one will be Moxxie's if he doesn't put a Satan-damn salad in his mouth-hole."
"Why is everyone siding with Loona?!" Moxxie said, flabbergasted as always. "I'm not FAT!"
"That's the spirit, Moxx! Keep fighting." said Blitzø with a light pat on the back as he walked away.
"Jokes on him, Millie." Moxx smugly whispered to his wife. "HE'S about 10 bottles away from liver disease."
"OK, THAT'S FUCKING IT!" Blitzø roared and pounced Moxxie into the open grave, beating the shit out of him. "I'll show you liver disease, liver failure!"
"Argh! Get the fuck off!"
The two's voices echoed from the grave, as Loona rolled her eyes with a huff. ...And chewed the flesh and meat off a freshly ripped-off human leg from the stray attack.
...
BACK AT THE MANSION...
"OK, just got off the phone with Loona, and she's done with the mission, kid." smiled Tex. "She'll be around in a few minutes."
"Yay!" Balin clapped his little hands delightfully.
"So, Via, since he's gonna be here a while longer, how 'bout you treat us to your lil' interpretive dance?" Tex continued.
"Yeah. We could have our own little talent show here." Balin smiled, making the two laugh.
"Why not?" the owl replied with a small grin as she stood up.
But before she could do her little show-and-tell, an effeminate imp butler ran into the living room trying to catch his breath.
"Your Highness!" she panted in a John Ratzenberger voice. "Your mother! She returns!"
"WHAT?!" Octavia gasped with a shocked expression.
"Who..? What's happening?" Balin then asked.
"Via's mean mother's here, sport." Tex quickly grabbed him in his arms.
"Where is she now?" Via asked the butler.
"For some weird reason, in the garden." she replied.
...
Stella walked quietly through the gardens of her old home, taking in the smell of hellish pollen.
One of the Venus fly-traps looked to her with a stunned expression on its eyeless face and softly seethed.
"Ooh, 'tis good to be home, baby..." she cooed to the plant, caressing its cheeks like a puppy before she stopped and walked away. "...You big ugly beast."
Via, Balin, and Tex followed Stella's wandering from the corner of the window, crouching down at each window without getting caught. At the second last window, the white owl demon looked around with her head scanning for anyone she sensed nearby.
Just as she went back to searching, the three peered their heads at the last window to see Stella was walking towards the statue of Striker.
The entire trio gasped at what they clearly saw she was about to do, while Balin was about to whimper in fright seeing him. But Via just shushed him and gently rubbed his back like a baby to calm him down.
Using the fibre of her Goetia magic, Stella freed Striker from his stone prison with the wave of her hand, making his tail wag like a whip the first chance of freedom he got. ...Right until she slapped the hell out of his face.
"What the FUCK was the last try about?!" she screamed. "Triple threat, alright. That was THREE *FAILED* assassination attempts"
"So what're you saying? That I was growing soft?" protested Striker. "I ain't never seen no target so strong-willed." he then used his quotation fingers. "But then again, you are the 'royal' type."
"Ugh. For now, it's fair enough." Stella pinched her beak. "I did give your country arse those other tries."
Tex then perked up his ears to hear the conversation from inside the house, while Via continued comforting a scared Balin.
"Now the third time is truly lucky. This plan's not over yet." she continued speaking from outside. "Come."
As Stella and Striker prepped to leave, the other three were also about to leave, until Via trod on her feathery tail and let out a painful 'CAW!'
Scared after hearing that, Balin looked at the evil two outside as they halted and looked around, also in surprise at the noise.
"Who's in there?" Striker whispered to Stella, stunned.
"I thought there was no-one else." she replied, also staying quiet.
"Ugh... HEY! WE HEARD THAT!" Striker then yelled at the windows, trying to find whoever made the noise.
But the three were as good as gone, as Tex carried Via and Balin on his back, both hanging onto his sides to stay hidden as he crouched on all fours.
Striker was about to pry the doors open, until...
"Stand aside, Sheriff Woody." grinned Stella as she unsheathed one of her talons.
"...I don't know who she is." replied Striker confusingly.
Stella then picked the lock with said talon for 15 seconds, trying not to break it, before the door clicked itself unlocked and opened for the two.
"Come out, come out, wherever you are..." sang the owl queen, before saying... "Octavia...?"
With scary grins, the two nodded to each other as they split up to search the mansion.
...
As the three stopped at a room two stairs from them for safety, another servant was sent to warn them.
"Your Highness! They're in the palace!" he whispered in panicky.
"Oh no!" Balin almost shouted, as Via soothed him with his head in her feathers. "What are we going to do, Via?"
"I, uh, I..."
Thankfully, Tex got an idea before she could think of one.
"She can't answer right now." he said. "You two scatter. I've got a plan."
Via then ran from the room in one direction, with Balin going the other way, Tex quickly ran into the costume room nearby.
...
Stella signalled Striker to split up and keep his gun and knife handy, just in case, while she crept down the stairway.
A few stairs up, Via had some good luck hiding in her father's planetarium, behind a planet her mother wouldn't even dream of finding her:
PLUTO.
Meanwhile, Balin was the only one having trouble on where to hide. He ran through the entire hallway on his floor trying to find the perfect hiding spot, until he ran into the kitchen.
"Via... Where are you, darling?" Stella sang from nearby. "It's your mother..."
Terrified at her scary-sounding British voice, Balin slowly peered his head out of the kitchen to see the giant white owl searching from door-to-door.
He then hid back in the kitchen before she could see him. Or so he thought...
"And is your little human friend here too?"
Panicking, Balin chattered his teeth more than he already had. So realising he was out of time, he ran into the only spot he could think of. One that was rather big enough to fit him.
The fridge.
Sure it was freezing and full of food, but being a human shorter than the Goetias, like David and Goliath, it almost made him have no other choice. Even if he hadn't been grabbed by one of the cold-blooded Venus-fly-traps also hiding in there.
"Thank you." he whispered a little.
The boy kindly shook one of its leaves like it was a hand, before peaking out of the fridge to see Stella slowly prowling around the kitchen with a small but scary smile.
"Is there any way out of here?" he asked the flytrap.
The plant then made a very quiet lion-like growl as it shrugged in response.
"Oh man..." he shivered in all his fear as he continued to watch her, waiting for her move to either vanish or get distracted.
But in the fridge, he hid with the fresh produce above the meats. And he was about to learn sitting under raw meat was just as bad as getting tapeworms from them.
Suddenly, something started dripping onto Balin's small brown hair.
He then looked up to see it was the zebra meat Stolas feeds the flytraps each morning. They began to melt and its juices started to drip onto his face. The boy tried his hardest to keep his mouth shut so he wouldn't swallow it or scream.
This made the flytrap pant and salivate in instinctual hunger, despite its sophistication.
But soon, the boy couldn't hold it in much longer, as one droplet hit his eye, making him hiss in pain.
Unfortunately, Stella heard it and waltzed quickly over to the fridge, opening the door in a flash.
"Ha-HA!" she said, before raising her eyebrow in confusion.
She saw nothing but the flytrap still inside the fridge, motionless and acting natural, while Balin was nowhere to be seen.
Suddenly, again, Stella started growing a little weary from the search and decided to grab a quick snack while she was there. She grabbed out a bread-pan of cake before closing the fridge door, before the flytrap then spat Balin back out.
"Thank you again." the boy said in his kindness.
As the boy then made his way out of the fridge, having not closed yet thanks to the plant's stem, he tiptoed past Stella as he watched her eat what looked like a final piece of her wedding cake, covered in mould and badly melted.
Balin felt like he was about to vomit seeing that. So with that feeling in mind, he finally managed to zoom out of the kitchen and away from Stella.
...
Now in a butler's uniform from the costume closet, Tex then saw Balin running for it through the halls.
"Balin! What are you doing?" he quietly shouted.
"Trying to hide, Tex!" he whispered back.
Hearing that was enough to make Stella stop eating and go back to searching already.
"Daughter?!"
Balin then quivered and ducked into a random dark room, and Tex into another.
But Balin didn't realise as he climbed into the bed, pulled back the curtains, and ducked under the blankets, he was actually hiding in Via's bedroom.
Underneath said blankets, Balin heard Stella shouting while Via's shedded feathers tickled him, even on the nose.
"Octavia?! OCTAVIA ARS GOETIA!" she bellowed. "It is uncouth to be hiding-and-seeking from your mother at this age! Come hither this instant!"
Both she and Striker then stopped in front of Via's room from different directions, with Striker shaking his head with no luck of finding anyone. ...Until Stella pointed at the room, telling her she may've found someone.
She slowly opened the bedroom door, making Balin shiver more under Via's blankets as he closed his eyes, preparing for the inevitable.
As the two slowly walked up to the bed, Striker was about to lift the canopy, when...
"HEY! YOU TWO!" Tex barked in his butler's disguise.
"I'm sorry. Who the fuck are you?" asked Stella, pointing Striker's knife at him.
"Part of Stolas' new housekeeping staff." he replied blankly. "And you two don't seem to be welcome here."
"Yeah, yeah. We're just trying to find Via." Stella was about to leave, until Tex stopped them.
"Oh, part of me thinks otherwise." said Tex defensively. "She's not here. Now I'd kindly like to ask you both to leave."
"Or else what?"
"This."
"No, no, not the face." Striker shook his hands in shock.
Tex then grabbed the cowboy by his face and threw him out of the mansion like a bowling ball, making him hit the fountain out front, where the bird bath fell on him, attracting a flock of birds he started shooting at multiple times before a tree landed on him, nearly crushing him.
The entire time, Stella and Tex looked into each other's eyes.
"Get the fuck out!" growled Tex quietly and threateningly, making her flee out of the mansion.
It was then Balin peaked from the pillows, and when he saw the coast was clear, he ran up to Tex and hugged him tight.
"Whoa, hey. It's okay, bud." he softly spoke. "She's gone now."
Via then walked out to see the two hugging and also ran to check up on him.
"You okay, sweetie?" she asked with concern.
"Uh-huh?" replied Balin, before hugging her next.
"So... who's up for dancing?" Tex then asked the hugging duo as he rubbed the back of his head.
10 MINUTES LATER...
The I.M.P van showed up to the mansion after getting their pay from the client, which Blitzø was rubbing in his fingertips the entire drive while Moxxie had to hold the wheel.
Relieved that the car ride was over, Loona got out and walked up to the doorbell, the first to ring it.
Soon, as Via finished her dance, the butler from before said: "Your Highness, Master Vortex, Mr. Balin. I.M.P hath arrived."
"Send them in." smiled Via with a regal nod.
The boy ran down the stairs, seeing Loona and the gang inside the building.
"LOONA!" Balin cried out to her with an ear-to-ear smile.
"Hey, Balin!" Loona smiled, as she knelt down with her arms wide open for him.
Before they knew it, the two were in their cuddly embrace with Loona's tail wagging like crazy.
Tex and Via walked down and reacted with an 'aww' at the affection.
"Thanks for looking after him, Tex." said Loona.
"For you? Anything, girl." replied Tex, as Via kissed the boy's cheek.
"So how was the babysitting, Balin? Okay?" Loona then asked the boy.
"Yes it was. Vortex and Bee were very fun." replied the boy with a smile.
Loona then rubbed her snout across Balin's face in sympathy, having remembered what Tex told her earlier, before taking a whiff of his head.
"Phew! Kiddo, why does your hair smell like raw meat?" she chuckled. "You know hellhounds love raw meat."
"Uhh..."
"We were playing hide-and-go-seek." lied Via. "And apparently he chose the fridge as a hiding place."
"Well, why don't you get cleaned up, little dude?" said Loona. "While the grown-ups and I have a drink until the big birdbrain's back."
"Come on, little one." smiled Via, as smiled and held his hand.
As everyone watched the two walk upstairs, Neptune and Marijiana started chatting to Tex as they sat on the couch, while Loona just texted on her phone as she sat with them.
...
Balin held Via's hand all the way upstairs to the five level of the house where the bathroom was.
But a couple of doors nearby, he saw a glimpse of light coming from one of the closets. He then let go of Via's hand to see what it was, making her curious as well.
Balin then opened the door to see it was empty, but with a colourful portal on the wall.
"Be careful, darling." Via softly warned him as he crept inside and crouched down to investigate.
"Via?" he began speaking to her. "Was that portal here before...?"
Suddenly, the boy felt two hands grabbing him and screamed as they pulled him through the portal.
"BALIN!" screamed Via in a panicked gasp. "LOONA!" she then ran back down the hallway.
Balin started panicking himself as he looked around in the dark, trying to find out where he was.
"Well... WELL! Look who we have here, Agent Two!" said a familiar male voice.
"Yes! We finally caught him! HUMAN-handed!" said a female voice.
The lights then flicked on and off to reveal it was the two DHORK agents with their sunglasses and evil smiles.
A/N: See y'all in the next chapter.