Play Phineas and Ferb Theme Song
The wind blows multiple calendar pages into the air, starting on June 3.
There's 104 days of Summer Vacation
Then School comes along just to end it
Phineas and Ferb sit under a tree in their backyard.
So the annual problem for our generation
Is finding a good way to spend it
Cue montage of the boys doing multiple activities.
Like maybe
First, the boys land on the moon. They jump out of the rocket and float forwards.
Second, Phineas climbs on top of Ferb. They try to fight a mummy.
Third, they climb up a certain French tower.
Building a rocket or fighting a mummy
Or climbing up the Eiffel Tower
Fourth, Ferb removed a tarp to show a weird unicorn-turtle hybrid. Phineas takes a picture of it.
Fifth, the boys force a monkey into the shower. Neither of them enjoy this one.
Discovering something that doesn't exist
Or giving a monkey a shower
Sixth, they surf on a large wave.
Seventh, they create tiny robots.
Eighth, they find Frankenstein's monster. The brain is missing from the head. It doesn't take them that long to find.
Ninth, they find a bird.
Tenth, they fly on a helicopter with a large paintbrush over the city. They covered the city in orange paint.
Eleventh, the boys work on a painting. The painting depicts a red-headed girl with a mustache.
Surfing tidal waves, creating nanobots, or locating Frankenstein's brain
Finding a dodo bird, painting a continent, or driving your sister insane
Turns out, this girl isn't actually a painting, but the boys' sister, Candace. She turns to Phineas angrily.
"Phineas!" she shouts.
The boys do multiple things, all the while their sister watches angrily.
Film a movie.
Build a giant robot dog.
Tamper with a car.
Ride a rollercoaster.
As you can see, there's a whole lot of stuff to do before School starts this fall
Candace talks to a friend on the phone. She doesn't notice the boys carrying a live elephant into the backyard until she hears Phineas call out, "Come on, Perry!" That gets her attention.
Later, she's seen playing "Whack-a-Pest". The pests that pop out are her brothers and their pet platypus.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
Afterwards, the boys dance around and play guitar as images of the infinite possibilities flash by.
So stick with us, 'cause Phineas and Ferb are gonna do it all
When the boys are done, they pose. Their sister comes in.
"Mom, Phineas and Ferb are making a title sequence!" she shouts.
The boys stare at her for a second. They then brush it off and resume their poses.
End Intro
104 Days of Summer Vacation
Day 46
Suddenly Suzy
"Oh, Jeremy, I didn't know you felt that way about me," Candace said to a statue of Jeremy. "But I still have a lot to accomplish before I get married."
That's when her phone rang. When she saw it was Jeremy calling, she got excited and answered.
"Hi, Jeremy," she greeted.
"Hey, Candace," Jeremy replied. "I was wondering if you could do me a favor."
"Yeah."
"Listen, I got called into work, and my parents aren't home. You think you could look after Suzy for a few hours?"
Candace was too busy fantasizing about Jeremy to process what he just said. "Yeah."
"I'll be right over. Thanks."
Candace finally realized what she just signed up for. She quickly ran out of her room.
Candace found Linda about to head out.
"Mom, Jeremy's dropping off his little sister and I unintentionally agreed to…" she tried to explain.
"How nice," Linda interrupted. "A babysitting job."
"No, you don't understand. She's evil."
"Don't be silly, Candace. She's just a little girl. How silly can she be?"
Linda walked outside and saw the boys laying under a stream from a sprinkler.
"I see you've discovered the broken sprinkler," she remarked. "I'd better get to the hardware store. It's beginning to look like Niagara Falls out here."
That statement made Phineas curious. "Niagara Falls? Know anything about that, Ferbmeister?"
"It's over 167 feet high," Ferb replied. "It's also tremendously popular with daredevils."
"Ferb, I know what we're gonna do today. Hey, where's Perry?"
"I can't believe you forgot to buy new razors, Carl!" Monogram berated. "Now I have to go on camera without a clean shave!"
"Well, if it makes you feel better, you're not the only one," Carl said as he showed his single strand of hair.
That's when Perry came into the lair.
"Agent P, you're here," said Monogram. "We've been getting very suspicious about Doofenshmirtz. He hasn't ordered anything on the internet in days. Get over there and put a start to it."
Right as Perry left, Carl started to play Perry's theme song on his single strand.
"Carl, you disgust and amaze me," Monogram remarked.
Candace quickly hid anything Suzy could use against her. She also put on armor so Suzy couldn't hurt her.
That's when the doorbell rang.
When she answered, she saw Jeremy and Suzy.
"Hey," she greeted.
"Candace, what's with that outfit?" asked Jeremy.
"I get… cold."
"Uh-huh. That's a statement. You girls have fun."
With that, Suzy went inside and Jeremy left the house.
Suzy cackled, making Candace nervous.
Ferb launched a rock on top of the 167-foor recreation of Niagara Falls.
"I know that was papier-mache, but that was still an impressive throw," Phineas remarked.
"Hey guys, whatcha doin?" came Isabella's voice.
The boys turned to see Isabella had just arrived, as well as Buford, Baljeet, and Django.
"Hey guys," Phineas replied, before noticing Baljeet was strapped onto Buford. "What's with the baby carrier?"
"My chiropractor recommended it," Buford explained. "It's just as humiliating as half-nelson, and easier on my tennis elbow."
Phineas heard what sounded like Buford chewing something hard.
"What's that grinding sound?" he asked.
"Tuff Gum," Buford replied, showing a packet of the gum. "Like the song says…"
Play "Tuff Gum" Jingle
Buford:
Pound nerds like a drum
Stop a train with your thumb
It's Tuff Gum
End Jingle
"Wow, can I have some?" Phineas asked.
"No," Buford answered. "It's for bullies only."
"Well then," Phineas turned to Ferb. "Can I have some regular gum?"
Ferb nodded, and handed Phineas a packet.
"Alright, Ferb and I built a giant waterfall ride," said Phineas. "Who wants to test it?"
"Me!" everyone shouted, raising their hands.
"Can I go?" Baljeet asked Buford.
Buford released Baljeet from the baby carrier.
"Be careful," he said, blushing. "I worry about you."
Doofenshmirtz Evil Incorporated
Perry used a rocket skateboard to climb the wall. The moment he reached the apartment, though, these mechanical hands tied him up with shoelaces.
"Ah, Perry the Platypus," said Doof. "How do you like my new Shoelace-Inator? It's the perfect match for my new Carbon-Footprint-Inator."
What the hell? Perry asked himself.
"I made it entirely out of carbon paper I kept from the seventies," Doof explained. "I always thought that was gonna come back. You know, people are always talking about 'reducing their carbon footprint'. I don't know what that means, but it sounds evil, so my plan is to release GIANT CARBON FOOTPRINTS ALL OVER THE TRI-STATE AREA!"
Perry tried chewing the laces.
"Don't bother," said Doof. "They're double-knotted."
"So, Candace," said Suzy. "Ready to have some fun?"
"No, I'm good," Candace said, backing to the wall. "I hate fun."
"I know a good game we can play." Suzy took some paper and scissors out of her backpack, making Candace even more nervous. "It's called making… paper…"
Candace closed her eyes.
"Dolls," Suzy finished.
"Paper dolls?" Candace panicked.
She fully processed what she heard. She opened her eyes to see Suzy made tiny paper girls all spread in a line.
"Aren't you gonna try and do something horrible to me?" Candace asked, still suspicious.
"No," Suzy replied. "Making you look bad is just one of the ways I control Jeremy. When he's not here, I'm off the clock."
"Wait, you can control your brother?"
"Can't you get your brothers to do anything you want?"
"No. I can't get them to do anything."
"Unacceptable. To the backyard."
The two headed outside and saw the kids were working on something.
"Whatcha doin?" Suzy asked in a similar manner to Isabella.
Isabella noticed that. "Um, hello?"
The moment he noticed Suzy, Buford started panting and sweating. Baljeet held Buford's shoulder to comfort him.
"Hey, Suzy," Phineas greeted. "We were just adding the finishing touches to our water ride."
"Ooh, just watching all this work makes me thirsty," said Suzy. "What I wouldn't do for a glass of cool lemonade."
"Lemonade? Whatever you like."
Ferb handed Suzy a glass of lemonade. Candace was dumbfounded by what she just witnessed.
I have so much to learn, she thought to herself.
"Well, now that you've watched the master at work, it's time for you to get yours," said Suzy. "What do you want?"
"To bust my brothers," Candace replied.
"Mean it."
"I want to bust my brothers!"
"Own it!"
"I WANT TO BUST MY BROTHERS!"
"Even better, get them to bust themselves."
Candace fell in love with that idea. She approached the boys, right as they were about to climb on top of the ride.
"Hey boys," she greeted. "Whatcha doin?"
Isabella was about to snap. Thankfully, Django held her shoulder and shook his head. She took a breath and calmed down.
"We're going over Niagara Falls in a barrel," Phineas replied. "It's gonna be sweet, not like you would understand."
"Alright, Candace," Suzy whispered. "Time to bring it home."
Candace stared at the boys, sternly. "Phineas and Ferb, I want you to pick up the phone right now and…"
"Pss," Suzy interrupted.
Candace realized she almost made a mistake. She tried smiling at the boys the way Suzy would.
Phineas was genuinely concerned by this sudden shift in behavior.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
"Oh, could you just help me out and call Mom?" Candace asked, dropping the act.
"Why? So she could see this gigantic, insanely high waterfall we built in the backyard?"
"Yes. She would love it."
Phineas wasn't having it. "Candace, that is…"
"A great idea," Ferb butted in.
Phineas was dumbfounded by that statement. "Ferb, what are you…?"
Ferb led Phineas away from the rest.
"Ferb, what are you thinking?" asked Phineas. "You're going to get us in trouble."
"How do you know that?" Ferb retorted. "We don't know how Mum would react. Maybe she'd actually be proud of what we can do."
Phineas took a moment to consider Ferb's reasoning. In the end, he realized Ferb had a point.
Phineas turned to Candace. "Alright, Candace. I'll bite."
Candace got excited, and lended Phineas her phone.
Linda was looking through the store when she heard her phone ring.
"Right on schedule," she remarked as she answered the phone. "So, what kind of unbelievable contraption have Phineas and Ferb built that requires me to come home immediately?"
"An awesome waterfall ride in our backyard," came Phineas' voice. "You've gotta come home right away."
Linda was not expecting that. "Phineas, is that you? You sound like Candace. I mean, you sound like you, just…"
"Hurry up, you gotta see it."
"Alright, just as soon as I find the sprinkler part." Linda hung up the phone. "I curse the day these things were invented."
Doofenshmirtz's Carbon Footprint
Doof was flying a blimp over the Tri-State Area. The Carbon-Footprint-Inator was hanging below it.
"Everything is going according to plan," he smiled. "Soon, Danville will know what it is to be trodden upon by true genius! I think I'll start with a pond or some bushes or something. You know, to beef up the anti-environmental theme I've been dancing around."
Unbeknownst to Doof, Perry found a way to untie the double-knot. He quickly leaped towards Doof and kicked him off his chair.
"What?" Doof reacted. "How did you get out of that double-knot?"
Perry tried to jump at Doof again, but this time, he was one step ahead. He opened the window, causing Perry to fly out of it.
"How do you like my new window?" he asked. "I just had it installed! Sayonara, Perry the Platypus!"
The kids, except Buford, were in the barrel.
"Alright, we're ready, Buford!" said Phineas. "You can let her rip!"
Baljeet got concerned when he heard Buford's chewing.
"You might want to eighty-six the gum," he warned. "It's a choking hazard."
Buford reluctantly took the gum out, and attached it to the pipe.
"I'll be back for that bad boy," he said.
He turned the knob. Water sprayed out. Buford jumped into the barrel before it went down. The kids screamed in excitement as they plummeted down.
They all landed in a small pool, sopping wet.
"Whoa, that was great!" Phineas cheered. "I can't believe I'm saying this, but I hope Mom sees this!"
"Me too," Candace said before she heard Linda pulling up. "She's here! Come on!"
She grabbed the boys' collars and dragged them out of the backyard.
Perry landed safely using a parachute. He ended up at a Mr. Banana store. He quickly convinced the boss to train him to become a delivery man, mainly so he could use the truck.
"This is so funny," the boss remarked once Perry drove away. "I literally just wrote a song about a platypus driving a banana truck."
He checked his pocket, only to learn the demo was missing.
Perry inserted the demo to the CD player.
Play "Alabama Bound"
He's Alabama bound with a load of bananas
Heading south across the Mason-Dixon Line
Then he's selling pineapples to Gary, Indiana
Gotta burn some rubber, make that highway unwind
To add on to the country aesthetic, Perry put a toothpick in his mouth. He then replaced his fedora with a delivery hat to maintain his cover.
He's a mobile mammal, and I'll be you a fiver
He's eating hush puppies and corn on the cob
Perry held his arm out the window. The sun burned it, but he was too focused on catching up to Doof.
He's a semi-aquatic semi driver
A full-time agent with a part-time job
Perry realized he was heading towards a T-intersection. He quickly slammed the brakes and turned right.
Aw yeah
I'll bet you a fiver
That there's a mobile mammal
End "Alabama Bound"
"Mom, Ferb and I built Niagara Falls in the backyard!" Phineas said with a bit of Candace-level excitement. "Wanna see it?"
"I'd love to, honey," Linda replied.
Candace could only barely keep her excitement contained.
"Alright, Danville," said Doof. "Get ready for a carbon footprint you'll never forget."
Doof released the Carbon-Footprint-Inator onto a waterfall. It stuck to the foot.
"This is why I hate nature," said Doof. "It gets stuck to your foot!"
Doof managed to shake it off.
"I can't believe it," said the farmer's wife. "I can't believe you walked away from a profitable miniature golf franchise and opened up a spring water bottling plant right in the middle of town. What? Did you think a mountain spring was just gonna fall out of the sky?"
Right as she said that, a mountain spring fell out of the sky.
"You never believe in me," said the farmer.
Perry saw Doof about to drop the Carbon-Footprint-Inator again. He quickly released the giant banana on the back of the truck. The footprint slipped, and destroyed the blimp.
"I suppose this was inevitable," Doof said as he plummeted to the ground. "Curse you, Perry the Platypus!"
The moment Linda entered the backyard, all she saw was Perry laying under the leaking sprinkler.
"You're right," she remarked. "It does look like Niagara Falls, but I can fix that."
Linda added the part to the sprinkler, fixing it up.
"B-b-but…" Phineas stammered. "It was right there, and it… it was huge!"
Candace sighed. "Welcome to my world."
"Who wants pie?" Linda asked.
"Me!" all the kids, including Suzy, replied.
The moment Buford noticed Suzy, he ran away.
"What?" she asked, confused.
"Oh, I'll tell you 'what'," Baljeet replied. "You tried to kill Buford's pet goldfish, and you traumatized him for life. You're just a sick girl who acts superior towards others just so you can get what you want. If I were you, I'd stay away from Buford."
For the first time ever, Suzy felt genuine guilt. She realized then and there that Baljeet was right. She was selfish and clingy, and she bullied so many people. She realized it was time to change that.
That's when Jeremy showed up.
Suzy picked some flowers from the garden and gave them to Candace. Before she could react, Jeremy approached her.
"Hey, Candace," he said. "How's it going?"
"Perfect," Candace replied. "Everything is…"
Jeremy noticed the flowers. "Are those for me?"
"I, uh…"
Before Candace could say anything, Jeremy took the flowers. "Thanks, Candace. I appreciate it."
Candace turned to Suzy. She just smiled and winked.
A.N.
This was a fun write.
First off, we got our first argument between Phineas and Ferb. I said in a previous author's note that I wanted to flesh out their dynamic by setting up Ferb as the straight man of the two. Well, this was one of those moments, as in this version, Ferb is the one that convinces Phineas to go with Candace's plan, suggesting that maybe Linda won't be mad at them like Candace wants.
Another scene was Baljeet confronting Suzy for the things she did to Buford. It was something I had planned for a while. I thought it was fitting.
I've said this before, but Buford's fear of Suzy was a heavily missed opportunity. I figured it'd be fitting to address that plot point here since Buford and Suzy are in the same room again.
And the last change, we get some character development for Suzy. After Baljeet's little Reason you Suck Speech, she realizes that she's being selfish, so when Jeremy returns, instead of going back to her usual mischief, she instead gives Candace some flowers to give to Jeremy. It was something I wanted to do from the beginning. It's nice to see it finally happen.
Thanks for reading.