A/N: My self-talk is starting to change! There's a lot more "We don't want to bother with that garbage" and "Yup, time to face harsh realities." "Screw. That." is something else that has entered my mental lexicon. Either Jake's embracing a take-charge role, or the testosterone is finally kicking in. Probably both.
Yeah, I'm starting to feel the effects of the hormone therapy. It's messing with my driving. However, I generally am happy and excited about it.
Anyway.
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Original Hidan
Why bother? Just because my stupid punishment got chopped in half and I can go back today doesn't mean I should. They'll just pity me, or worse, ask if I learned my lesson. I'm supposed to be grateful that they would take me back?! Fuck no! I'm not grateful! I'm pissed off at those assholes! Hmph. But I would like to see Konan, and maybe snatch some free food from the fridge. Clone Yahiko said something about cake. Right. Pretty girl, cake, and that is all I'm there for.
Midmorning on Sunday, Original Hidan walked slowly along the road towards the base. His slow walk emphasized the utter lack of importance that he placed on his destination. He didn't need it. He didn't care. He had everywhere else in the world to be, and was only stopping in out of idle curiosity. The people there should be grateful to him for gracing them with his presence.
"Fucking finally!" Clone Hidan cried. He was waiting some distance down the road from the base, close enough to see the fork that led to the forest entrance and the suburbs. He darted in and tackled his original, almost sending them both crashing to the pavement. "Fuck, I've missed you!"
"What the shit are you talking about?!" Original Hidan snapped, shoving him away.
Clone Hidan laughed. "You won't believe the shit that's been happening! You cause as much chaos when you're not around as when you are. We're redesigning our rules, and Kakuzu almost died yesterday and wasn't even mad about it, and both versions of Nagato are feeling some changes, and everyone agrees the original banishment was a mistake and we need you back."
Original Hidan narrowed his eyes. "What do you mean by 'everyone'?"
Clone Hidan counted on his fingers. "Original Nagato, Konan, both versions of Yahiko, Kakuzu, Obito and the others, Sasori…"
That kinda sounds like everyone. Original Hidan cut off the recitation with a snort. "Whatever! It's not like I care. I'm just here because Clone Yahiko promised cake."
"There is definitely cake," Clone Hidan said with a grin. "Not sure if it's friendly to your catlike digestion - do you digest stuff any differently? - either way, it's delicious. Carrot cake with cream cheese frosting. Yum."
On the front lawn, paper butterflies took flight. Konan and her two teammates emerged almost instantly. They stood tall and formal, looking at Original Hidan with composed faces. He flattened his ears and lashed his tail. "I was promised cake."
Original Yahiko broke into a grin. He asked Konan, "Shall I fetch cake?"
"Yes."
Original Yahiko ran off to do that. Original Nagato cleared his throat. "Welcome back," he said.
"Way too fucking polite sounding!" Clone Hidan complained.
Original Nagato tilted his head in confusion. "Excuse me," Konan said. She went inside. They heard her call loudly, but could not make out the words. She returned with three of the four living dolls following her. Kneeling, she scooped up Warlic with one arm. She physically manipulated Original Nagato's arms, bending them so that his hands were in position to hold Warlic. After placing Warlic in his hands, she stepped aside and said, "Now throw him."
"Throw…?" Original Nagato looked at Warlic, who looked up at him like a well-behaved little boy. He glanced up at Original Hidan. Back to Warlic. "Warlic, use fire magic," he commanded before throwing the doll at Original Hidan.
Original Hidan swatted the doll aside, earning a light burn on his hand and wrist from the bubble of fire surrounding it, and jumped back into a battle stance. He flattened his ears and bared his teeth. Seeing that the bubble of fire had gone out, he darted sideways, picked up Warlic and hurled the doll at Original Nagato while shouting, "Levitate!"
Original Nagato jumped back but started to levitate midjump when Warlic crashed into him. Warlic stopped the magic almost immediately, causing Original Nagato to fall to the ground in a way he was not prepared for. He lost balance and fell. Rolling onto all fours, he snatched up Solis and threw the doll at Original Hidan without giving a command. Original Hidan caught the doll and wrapped it protectively in his arms, snarling.
"Awww," Clone Hidan said. "Now that's how you make up!"
Original Nagato stood up and brushed off his cloak. "Attack without warning. Noted."
Solis wiggled. Original Hidan readjusted his grip. While he did so, the other two dolls hugged his legs. He frowned. "What the fuck are they hugging me for?"
"Didja finish reading your half of the Borowik books?" Clone Hidan asked.
"...Fuck." Solis waved his arms happily. Original Hidan sighed. Dammit, why do they have to be happy I'm back… Now I'm never gonna get out of this place…
Original Yahiko came out holding two plates, each containing a slice of cake and a fork. He held one out to Original Hidan and the other out to nobody in particular. Original Hidan tossed Solis to the ground so he could take his cake. Clone Hidan took the other plate and immediately stuffed a forkful of cake into his mouth. "Mm! It tastes even better! Probably 'cause you're back."
"Fuck you," Original Hidan muttered halfheartedly. Hey, it IS good. Okay, I'll stay for a bit. I want to hear more about this "Kakuzu almost dying" story.
.
Hours later…
"Just then, Borowik spotted a glimmer within the largest of the claw-marks. His heart leaped into his throat. There was a chance for him to survive this pit! But only if he could reach the hidden gem…"
Original Hidan's throat was getting sore, but he manfully kept reading. Borowik used clever trickery to distract his opponent, subtly maneuvering himself closer and closer to the claw marks without them realizing it. He then snatched the very last mana-gem in all the known world out of the rocky wall and rammed it into the only remaining patch of exposed flesh on his opponent's body. The corrupted beast shrieked in agony as pure magic flooded through its system, breaking open the elaborate series of blocks and mazes that had twisted its natural flow of mana. After collapsing to the ground, the creature slowly opened its eyes. It looked around at the claw-scarred canyon walls and down at its armor-covered body, seeming not to remember anything. But then, it turned to Borowik and bowed its head. "'You have freed me, human mage,' Stromin the dragon said solemnly. 'I will be your ally forever more.'"
The dolls leaped to their feet and threw their arms in the air. Original Hidan inserted a bookmark and put the book aside. Coughing, he said, "Okay, you little fuckers. That is enough reading for today. My throat hurts."
The dolls followed him across the second floor, up the roof stairs and onto the roof. He found Zetsu photosynthesizing there. "Oh!" White Zetsu said, looking startled. "Uh…"
"Shut it," Original Hidan snapped before yawning. A light breeze blew, ruffling his fur in a pleasant way. He spread his cloak on the rooftop for protection against dirt and grit, then lay down on it. Rolling and twisting his body, he stretched every part of his back and arms. When he was done, he abruptly went limp. Sleep followed.
He dreamed that he was a normal-sized cat. The dolls found him, picked him up and carried him off. He yowled and scratched, but they would not put him down. They threw him into somebody's lap. He yowled and tried to scratch. But then his ears were petted, and a wonderful warm feeling ran through him. Suddenly, there was no person anymore. He sat in an empty chair. But he did not leave, because the scene had changed; he was now a housecat, the chair was his special chair, and he was guarding it. He licked his paws and lay down, keeping his head and ears up like a good guard cat should. Back in the real world, Little One was stroking his hair. In the dream, he purred.
It was a good dream.
Tobi
"I don't know what to name her…"
"Hmm…" Clone Yahiko concentrated intensely. "What about…Doe?"
Tobi ate a forkful of cake and thought about it. She IS the nicest, kindest dragon in the whole world. Her nose is warm, and her feathers are tickly, and her big blue eyes are so friendly-looking. "Okay! Doe."
Clone Yahiko grinned. "I've still got it! I can come up with names for anything!"
"This is super super nice cake." Tobi licked the last traces of frosting off the plate.
"Thank you! I made it."
"Sir Knight makes cakes?!" Tobi stared at Yahiko with utter and complete adoration. Wooooooow… Best Sir Knight ever… Yahiko looked down, blushing, but with a great big smile on his face.
There was a knock at the door. "It's us," White Zetsu said before opening the door and ducking inside.
"Tea party!" Tobi exclaimed. "Um… We already have so many guests, though…"
"This one is tired," Clone Yahiko said, patting the head of a nonliving doll. "And these other two are going out to the garden, and this one needs to, um, get his telescope ready for stargazing. Yes, he has his own telescope. He's an amateur astronomer." Yahiko picked up those four dolls and put them in their usual corner of the sickbay, freeing up space for Zetsu to sit.
Tobi looked at the amateur astronomer doll very closely. Unconsciously, the Sharingan activated. "Hmm."
"Apple juice? I mean, fancy royal tea?" Yahiko asked Zetsu, picking up the teapot.
"Sure."
"My dragon's name is Doe," Tobi said proudly. The Sharingan deactivated. "She is mostly red like stones, but she has white feathers on her nose and around her neck and wings and the tip of her tail. Her eyes are blue and she's very brave and she runs very fast."
"Awesome!" White Zetsu said. "It must be so cool to have your very own dragon."
Tobi nodded. "It is! I never flew above the village before. It's really weird from the air. Sometimes I can't fly on her because of the other dragon. But she's so much fun to ride when she's running!"
Yahiko put the teapot down and furrowed his brow. "The other dragon stops you from flying?"
"Yes, I can't see it," Tobi explained. "And it can't see me. So we can't fly at the same time."
"Why can't you see each other?"
Tobi had never questioned this before. It was just fact that they could not. "Um… I don't know."
"Maybe you haven't seen each other before, but you could in the future," Yahiko said.
"Ahem," Black Zetsu said, shooting him a look. "It's considered rude to push."
"Obito brought it up first!"
Tobi shivered. Such a big, scary dragon… There was no way Tobi would take that risk. The big dragon could do whatever it liked out of sight. No way would Tobi ride out to its cave on the edge of the forest to face it. "M-more tea?" Yahiko poured more tea. "Please refill that guest's cup, too. He's a visiting prince."
"Do they all have backstories?" White Zetsu asked, studying the eight nonliving dolls.
"Not yet, but they could," Yahiko replied. "If we wanted to."
"We'd rather not," White Zetsu said quickly. "I mean… I'd rather talk to you two. Tell us more about how you tamed the dragon, Tobi."
"It was very long and there was a lot of chasing…"
Tobi left out a lot of minor but grueling details. Tobi understood one of the fundamental principles of storytelling: you do not tell the audience about every time the hero has to stop to use the bathroom. In Tobi's case, the dragon-taming story left out a lot of internal struggle, a lot of worrying about whether or not Tobi would catch the dragon, then realizing that the worry itself would make success less likely and focusing on optimistic thoughts. The true dragon-taming story was one of pushing aside doubt, again and again, keeping the goal in sight until it became reality. But Tobi didn't know how to tell that kind of story, so the one that Yahiko and Zetsu heard was one of racing and catching up and falling behind and catching up again, until Chestnut matched the dragon long enough for Tobi to leap onto the dragon's back. A similar story, but not the same.
Zetsu applauded at the end. "Nice job!"
Yahiko also applauded. "What determination! More cake, Your Highness?"
"Yes please." After all of this effort, Tobi had rested, but still felt tired. Taming the dragon was the hardest thing Tobi had ever done. It merited a feast.
After another round of cake and apple juice/tea, Tobi yawned. It was time for sleep. Zetsu said that Obito had seemed tired after a sparring session earlier, so probably the whole body could use some sleep. Tobi put the orange mask on and followed Zetsu to the bedroom. "'Night, Zetsu."
"Uh, afternoon, but sure."
Zetsu left. Tobi took the mask off and climbed into bed. The transition came quickly. One moment, Tobi was snuggling into the covers. The next, Tobi landed on both feet in the grass outside the castle. The stable could just barely be seen around the curve of the wall. Tobi often slept there in the company of the animals. Ooh, I wonder how nice the dragon will be to sleep with! I hope she's getting along well with Chestnut. Did she like the hay nest I built for her? Will she let me sleep in it?
Tobi found the dragon poking its head into a corner, probably in search of the mice and rats that functioned as cute side characters to give the stables a more lively atmosphere. They never spread disease or chewed on anything, and their function was to be chased, so it was not surprising to see the dragon chasing them. The dragon's red tail tipped with white feathers lashed through the air, creating an indoor breeze that Tobi interpreted as nice and not at all disruptive. No hay was blown around, no dust raised. Tobi just laughed. "Doe! Stop scaring the poor mouse!"
The dragon looked up. At Tobi's command, she went back to her hay nest. Strangely, the hay nest looked different from how Tobi had left it, as if the dragon had disassembled and remade it while Tobi was away. Chestnut never did anything like that. The animals and people of the castle and village generally never did anything unless Tobi was there to will them into action. But then, Doe was a dragon, and everybody knew dragons were different from other animals.
When Doe had settled into her nest, Tobi snuggled in beside her. As expected, the dragon was very warm and surprisingly good for snuggling. Her scaly legs were not rough, but smooth and pliable, as Tobi had imagined them to be. Tobi yawned again. "'Night, dragon."
Doe stared at him. Her head was still and her eyes rarely blinked, keeping her gaze steady and direct. Tobi knew for certain that she had to have fire breath, because the look in her eyes was that of a fighter. How strange. Tobi had gone into the forest with a very clear mental image of a featherless red dragon with green eyes, quick to flee but loyal, loving and affectionate once tamed. Feathers, blue eyes, watchfulness… Doe had a lot of surprises to her.
Tobi didn't wonder much about it. Tobi merely drifted off into a comfortable sleep, safe in a dragon's nest.
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A/N: I've done enough talking today. Don't feel like doing any more.
So then. Same time next week. Oh, and happy new year!