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xxiii. it's that simple

SYAORAN LI CAUGHT IN SCANDALOUS RELATIONSHIP WITH PAPARAZZO!

Posted 17 minutes ago

This story hasn't hit the newsstands quite yet, but we here at Hoshi Online have quite the scoop to kick off the new year, readers! An exclusive inside source has just notified Hoshi that Syaoran Li has been in some kind of a relationship for some time with Sakura Kinomoto, who worked for the little-known tabloid, Glimmer, as a paparazzo. Although we could hardly believe it at first since the news came out of nowhere, our source provided us with photos of different instances where Syaoran has been caught out in public with Kinomoto not too far behind, usually somewhere blending into the background (pictured below, with Kinomoto circled in red).

As for the claims that she worked for a tabloid, the story is shockingly TRUE! Records provided to Hoshi by the source (also pictured below) show us that Kinomoto was employed with Glimmer for several months this year, after which she resigned for undisclosed reasons. "There's a good chance she quit because she realized there was money to be made going after Syaoran's heart full-time," the source told us. "But of course she wouldn't say that's the reason she quit."

We here at Hoshi did a little digging to verify this claim, and we think it passes muster. Kinomoto met Syaoran after being assigned to photograph candids of him, and we think she must have gotten a glimpse of the good life and wanted more. Kinomoto's father is a professor at a small-town university in the city of Tomoeda, while her brother is an ambassador to the United States at the Japanese embassy in Washington, D.C. Clearly, she doesn't come from a family of money. Kinomoto herself graduated from college not too long ago. Records tell us now that she is working as a secretary with a consulting firm in Tokyo. Not a very demanding job, which makes sense—the girl needs time to dedicate to going after the big bucks in Syaoran's pockets, after all! And given her previous profession as a paparazzo, we suspect she's a little fame-hungry as well, or at least not camera-shy (no offense to any fellow paparazzi out there, of course—we're one of you!).

Whatever magic this Kinomoto figure worked on Syaoran, we have to say we're impressed. Syaoran is notoriously hostile towards paparazzi (he's rebuffed us quite a few times), and we never thought we would see the day where he would shack up with a camera-carrier like ourselves. But surely, Syaoran has to know what she's really after here. Syaoran, watch your wallet! And get some sense back into that thick head of yours and run for the hills—maybe even back into Mizuki's arms, since you guys seemed mighty cozy at the Bunka Gakuen Ball just two months ago!

Leave your comments below! Thoughts on Syaoran's scandalous relationship? Does anyone in their right mind think this is a good move on his part?

COMMENTS (Showing Top 3 of 4,452)

Jina: Who the fuck does this BITCH think she is? Gold-digging whore!

Suki789: Who's with me on finding this girl and taking her down? She doesn't know who the hell she's messing with.

Nara88: How fucking shameless. You're not the only poor college graduate in this country, you bitch. What gives you the right to go after Syaoran's money? Spread your legs a little wider, why don't you?

Meiling frowned when she heard her phone ring across her bedroom for the third time. It was rare that she ignored calls to her personal cell phone, but it was New Year's Eve, and she was busy packing her bags to fly to Hong Kong tomorrow. She had figured she could take a night off.

Guess not.

With a sigh, she dropped the cashmere sweater she had been neatly folding, and it fell into a crumpled heap on top of her open suitcase. She stood up and tromped across the plush carpet of her closet and crossed the threshold into her bedroom. The phone stopped ringing before Meiling could reach it on her nightstand, and as she expected, it began to ring again almost immediately. Her brows rose when she saw Eriol's name and photo pop up. What could he possibly need that he was calling so urgently?

"Hello?" she said as she held the phone to her ear, trying to keep herself from frowning prematurely. Her dermatologist had told her last week that if she continued to furrow her brow and frown as often as she did, she'd look like a fifty-year-old woman in a decade.

"Meiling." Even in just the utterance of her name, she could detect the strain and the rush in Eriol's voice. Her frown came back immediately.

"What's wrong?"

"We've got trouble. Lots of it." Eriol was speaking quickly. "Somehow, the media figured out Sakura's relationship with Syaoran, and they've converged on her apartment."

Meiling's heart plunged into her stomach, and she felt all the air leave her lungs. She didn't even have the breath to curse. She had quietly been preparing for something like this to happen, but not while Syaoran was gone. And certainly not before she had had a chance to thoroughly prep Sakura.

"How bad is it?" she managed to ask after a moment.

"Pretty bad. I'm looking at some of the news sites now and they're ripping her apart. I can't imagine how she's feeling. Tomoyo wants to go over there, but there are so many cameras in that area right now that it's not safe."

"Fuck!" Meiling shouted, stamping a foot on the hardwood floor. The lampshade of the lamp on her nightstand rattled. "How'd you hear about this so quickly? That's what I get for ignoring my phone for an hour."

"It literally just happened, but things are moving fast. Sakura tried to step outside and saw all the cameras and ran back in. She called Tomoyo and asked me to get in touch with you, since she only has your office number."

"How did the press even figure it out?"

Eriol sighed. "I don't know. Based on the information that the source had, I think it might have been a former coworker of Sakura's at her old job. I'm planning on looking into it."

"Damn it. This is really bad." Meiling pinched the bridge of her nose and shut her eyes. "Do I even want to ask for a damage report on Syaoran?"

"Actually, Syaoran isn't really the focus here. He's going to sustain some damage for sure, but unfortunately, all eyes are on Sakura right now. There are already reports surfacing about her past, her family. God knows how much of it is actually real. It's fucking vicious."

Meiling sighed. "That poor girl. I can't even be happy about that. At least Syaoran knows how to handle shit like this." She felt the gears in her brain begin to click to life as the initial shock began to wear off. "We need to get her out of her apartment and take her somewhere safe."

"Agreed," Eriol responded. "I've already asked my security team to look into it. They think they can get her out and to a hotel room without too much exposure."

"That's great. Keep me updated." Meiling paused. "Does Syaoran know about this?" She supposed the answer was no, or it would have been Syaoran calling her incessantly and not Eriol.

"I sent him an email, but he's already in the air by now. I wrote that he needs to call you as soon as he touches ground."

In the midst of her rage and agitation, Meiling felt a brief moment of intense gratitude that Eriol knew the business well and was so on top of the situation already. He had done half her job for her before she had even been notified of the situation. "Thank you, Eriol."

"Of course. And I've sent word to all Hiiragizawa magazines that they're not to report any allegations that don't have a secure factual basis to back them up. It's the most I can do in my capacity without overstepping my bounds, but if any of them post anything egregious, I plan on making an example out of them."

"Great. We can't stop the Internet, unfortunately, but that will at least help with the print end of things. We need to figure out where to take Sakura. I have a few ideas. Can you text me her cell number? I'll figure out the rest of the plan and get back to you ASAP."

Meiling rushed to her desk and pried open her laptop, bracing herself for the nastiness she would see in her inbox. This, she thought, was a nightmare scenario, but it was what all her training and her years of managing one of the most closely watched stars on the continent had prepared her for. The suitcase lay forgotten in her closet. It was time to get to work—and it wasn't just Syaoran who needed her right now.

Sakura squinted against the flashbulbs and held her hands up over her face, although she couldn't see anything either way. Her first instinct was to run back inside, but it was like a bad dream. Her feet remained stubbornly glued to the ground, and for a few long moments, she could not move, trapped inside her own head. Vaguely, she could hear Kero growling at the crowd over the noise. And then, as her hearing began to focus, she picked up snippets of the questions being hurled at her amongst the general roar of the photographers.

"Sakura, how long have you been seeing Syaoran?"

"How did you get him to trust you?"

"What's your relation to Mizuki Akizawa? Does she know about this? How does she feel?"

"How much money have you gotten out of your relationship with him so far?"

"Is it true that he bought you a diamond necklace worth over 1 million yen?"

"How's the sex, Sakura? Is he good in bed?"

"How does it feel to know you're about to become the most hated woman in Asia, Sakura?"

It took all her energy not to throw up on the spot. Covering her mouth with her hands, Sakura finally managed to turn on her heel and run, tugging hard at Kero's leash to get him to come with her—but the voices continued to chase her mercilessly.

"Sakura—"

"Sakura—"

"Sakura!"

"Sakura! Sakura, it's me!" Tomoyo's voice rang out through Sakura's apartment. "Open the door!"

Sakura's head jerked forward as the banging on her door intensified. She shook her head, drawing in a sharp breath, and her brow furrowed as she tried to recall what had just happened. She remembered running in, but nothing beyond that. How had she ended up on the couch? Kero looked up at her from his spot next to her on the sofa.

She stood up and walked over to the door. Upon her opening it, Tomoyo enveloped Sakura into a tight hug, nearly knocking her backwards.

"Oh my God, Sakura, I'm so sorry this is happening!" Tomoyo's voice shook.

Sakura hadn't realized how tensely she had been holding her entire body until she felt it relaxing into Tomoyo's embrace. "Thanks for coming," Sakura breathed. "How did you get here? Did they get pictures of you?"

Tomoyo pulled away and rubbed at her eyes before shaking her head. "The landlord came and kicked the paparazzi off the lot, and Eriol's security dropped me off and rushed me in the door before they could get any pictures of me from that far away. They're figuring out how to get you out of here without any more exposure to the cameras and should be in touch with us soon, so don't worry about a thing, okay?"

Sakura let out a long, shaky breath and backed into her place on the sofa once more. She widened her eyes, but she couldn't seem to get them to focus on anything.

"Sakura... How are you feeling?" Tomoyo said anxiously. She came and sat down by Sakura, placing a hand on her forehead. "You don't seem all there."

"I'm fine," Sakura found herself responding, as if on reflex. She hardly ever lied to Tomoyo, but it didn't quite feel like a lie. Especially compared to the moments of pure panic when she had first stepped outside, Sakura felt absolutely nothing. She frowned, speaking slowly. "But I can't seem to get myself to focus... Did I call you? Is that how you knew to come over here?"

Tomoyo nodded slowly. "Do you think you might have blacked out?"

Sakura chewed on her lip. "Maybe? I don't remember anything after I ran inside."

The concern grew in Tomoyo's eyes, and Sakura swallowed bile as a twinge of guilt suddenly sent her stomach churning again.

"Oh, Sakura." Tomoyo pulled Sakura towards her again, and Sakura could feel her friend's body shake as she let out a sob. "Of all the people in the world, I can't think of anyone who deserves this least. I'm so sorry."

At the sound of Tomoyo's cries, Sakura felt her own throat closing up, and she strangely found herself welcoming the thought of crying. But as she felt the wave reach just behind her eyes, it stopped as suddenly as it had come. It was as if her body had simply ceased to function in all the ways it needed to in a situation like this. She settled for shutting her eyes and hoping that when she opened them, this would all have been a very realistic, very chaotic bad dream.

"Are you hungry at all? Thirsty?"

"No, I'm fine. Thank you, though." Sakura leaned her head against the cool window of the town car. She had told this little fib—that she was fine—to so many people today: to Tomoyo, to the security team that had come to her apartment and whisked her (and Kero, at her urging) away, to Eriol, who had given her a call to give her instructions and offer support. She had said it so much that she had somewhat started believing it, despite the small but noticeable spark of anxiety starting to grow in the pit of her belly. And now, she was saying it to Meiling, and for once, it didn't sound that convincing, even to her own ears.

"Are you sure? It's four in the afternoon and I doubt you've had any time to eat since that fiasco this morning. It'd probably do you some good to get something in your stomach." Meiling's voice was gentle. She started perusing through the mini-fridge installed in the console of the back seat without waiting for Sakura to answer. "Let's see here..."

Meiling wrinkled her nose. "Gross. Just a bunch of prepackaged nuts and crackers. We're not far from the hotel, so we'll get you something good there."

Sakura smiled. "Thank you, but really, I'm—"

"Don't say 'fine' again, for the love of God," Meiling said, rolling her eyes. "You are probably hungry, and you are probably tired, and you are most definitely scared shitless, even if you don't know it yet. It's okay to be honest in situations like these, you know."

For the first time all day, Sakura let out a laugh. "You and Syaoran really are so similar."

Meiling laughed as well. "Well, we grew up together. It only makes sense." She paused. "He's worried about you, you know."

Sakura perked up. In the midst of the madness, she had totally forgotten that Meiling probably would have made contact with Syaoran by now. "Oh, but he shouldn't—I mean, I'm f—"

"Hey, what did I say about that? Anyway, even if you told him that yourself, you know he wouldn't believe you. This would be traumatizing for anyone."

Sakura bit her lip. "H-how is he?"

"Syaoran? Oh, he's fine," Meiling said. She paused and smiled. "And I don't mean like your kind of 'fine.' He's not worried about himself at all. Just concerned about you."

Sakura felt trepidation at asking her next question, since it was an invitation for a harsh potential truth she didn't want to hear. But she had to know. "Are you worried about him?"

Meiling pursed her lips, pausing to think before letting out a sigh. "In truth, yes. But I always am. Honestly, though, I've been preparing for this moment for a long while, and he has so much media and PR training that I really think he can get through anything if he fights it out long enough. The record label CEO, on the other hand, basically had a hernia when he found out, but I think he'll come around." She glanced sideways at Sakura. "Don't worry. He isn't upset with you at all. He's just pissed that Syaoran is in hot water again, just after we put three months into doing damage control after the ball."

Sakura smiled, although she was not comforted. She didn't want Syaoran to be in trouble. She didn't want for any of this to have happened. She changed the subject. "So he's on his way to Hong Kong now?"

Meiling nodded. "The media will pry there, too, but he'll be safe on the grounds of his family home. We decided it'd be best for him to stay there until this all gets sorted out. I'm flying out to meet him after I drop you off."

"I see." The spark of anxiety in her stomach began to bloom as it occurred to her for the first time that she might not see him again. It wasn't an implausible scenario, given how much damage it would bring to his image if he were to be spotted interacting with her ever again. She sighed and leaned her forehead into the palm of one hand as her brows knit together. At least he would be safe, Sakura thought. That was a relief.

Sakura felt the car turn into a parking lot, and she looked out the window to see that they were in the back lot of a towering hotel building. Her eyes widened. The building, a grand skyscraper made of glass, steel, and marble, was easily at least fifty stories. How was she going to afford this?

"Oh, good, we're here," Meiling said, gathering her bag from the floor of the car.

"Ah—Meiling—I don't think I really have the money to pay for a room at a place like this," Sakura mumbled sheepishly.

Meiling laughed. "Don't be silly. I'm the one putting you up here. A good family friend owns this place and I was able to get a whole wing on the penthouse floor. No one would ever suspect that you're here."

Sakura gasped. "No, really, this is too nice—"

"Look at it this way, Sakura. You'd be doing me a huge favor by staying here because I know you're safe from prying eyes. Anywhere else you go, I can't guarantee that."

Sakura pursed her lips, unable to argue with that. She nodded. "Okay."

Meiling flashed a grin. "Okay. Let's get your things from the trunk and get you up to the room. I think you'll find it's not such a bad place to stay once you get up there."

Sakura lay under the downy comforter of the king-sized bed in her hotel suite, her body turned toward a wall of floor-to-ceiling windows that looked out over the cityscape, lit brightly amidst the darkness. From here, everything looked so far away—just pinpricks of light moving up and down distant roads with the skyscrapers hovering overhead. Objectively, she recognized the scene was beautiful, and she hated that she couldn't enjoy the scenery. It was unlikely she'd ever get to be in a room with a view like this again, after all. She watched the lights of a plane as it ascended across the sky over the towering buildings. Her father was on one of those planes, she thought. She exhaled. Her heart twisted painfully, and she clutched her stomach.

"Goodness," Fujitaka murmured. "So this is a big deal, isn't it?"

Sakura nodded, and then she remembered that her father couldn't see her through the phone. "Yes. It is."

She paused, wondering what he would say. Her father had never yelled at her before, but she half-expected him to now.

"Well, Sakura... I'm sorry you are going through this. You're my daughter, and I hate that I can't protect you from how harsh this world can be." Fujitaka's voice was kind and genuine, the smooth and deep timbre of his voice betraying no hint of anger or even irritation.

Sakura was quiet. She felt her jaw trembling, although the well behind her eyes remained oddly and irritatingly dry. The sympathy in her father's voice was almost too much to bear. "Dad, I'm the one who's sorry—if it weren't for me, no one would be hurt by this, and—"

"Nonsense," Fujitaka said lightly. "Sure, maybe you could have picked a better profession—but you didn't run to the tabloids with this story. Someone else did. And you tried to prevent something like this from happening long ago when you quit, right? This is not your doing, Sakura. You didn't do anything to bring this kind of pain on yourself or anyone else."

Sakura swallowed painfully, unable to bring herself to respond.

"So, what comes next? You said your brother has been identified in the news as well?"

"Yes. The latest wave of stories published information on Touya and Yukito." Sakura swallowed back a rush of nausea as she remembered the text Meiling had sent her an hour ago, warning her to contact her family and let them know. "They didn't say anything untrue, but since Touya is in the government, he's going to take a leave of absence from work for a bit while any potential PR issues get cleared up."

Much as she tried not to, Sakura could clearly see in her mind's eye the shock in Touya's eyes as she had videochatted with him only moments prior to her phone call with her father. He'd seemed less disappointed in how the issue had affected him and more in the fact that Sakura had harbored a secret from him for so long. Sakura had apologized profusely, and Touya's voice and face had been impossibly sweet, reassuring her that it would be fine, even as he called her a brat.

"Okay. I'll get in touch with him after we get off the phone. Now, is there anything I need to do?"

"Well, we think the media are going to try to track down the family house and get a profile on you and stuff... So Syaoran's PR people suggested that maybe you fly out and stay with Touya and Yukito for a few days." Sakura added quickly, "If you don't want to, you don't have to—I don't want you to have to interrupt your life just because I landed us in this mess—"

"Now, now," Fujitaka interjected, voice soothing and gentle. "What did I say about blaming yourself? And frankly, I'd love that. I could use a vacation. I worked all through the holidays, you know! I'll pack my bags tonight. When's my flight?"

Sakura shut her eyes and covered her head with the comforter. After initially seeing Tomoyo, she had permanently felt as though she was on the verge of tears, but nothing would come, even when her father and brother had shown her inconceivable kindness in the face of all this turmoil. Perhaps it was just as well, since she certainly felt like she did not deserve to be self-pitying in any way right now, and she suspected she would hate herself for crying.

As hard as she tried, she could not shake the images of the flashbulbs, the photos of her washed-out, frightened face plastered on magazine covers and celebrity gossip blogs. But more than that, she could not rid her mind of the image of her brother's stricken face on her computer screen or the sound of her father's voice straining ever so slightly as he tried to reassure her, kind as ever, that he would enjoy taking a few days off of work. And most of all, she couldn't shake the intense feeling of self-loathing that had overcome her since she had been able to make contact with her family. She found herself wishing vehemently that she had never existed, that she would cease to exist now.

Conflicting with this particular set of thoughts was a deep and irrepressible desire that Sakura did not wish to recognize but could not ignore. While she had no expectations of seeing Syaoran again, she wished she could at least see him to apologize for bringing so much chaos into his life, and to thank him for bringing so much happiness into hers. She ached at the thought of causing him more pain than he had already had to endure this year. And for wanting these things, she hated herself even more. She pulled her arms more tightly around herself as she felt the swirling blackness inside of her expand to her limbs.

The sound of a doorbell ringing reverberated throughout the suite, bouncing off of the marble floor and the stone fixtures. Sakura's body went rigid as her mind worked rapidly. Meiling wasn't supposed to be back anytime soon, since she had gone to the airport to fly out to Hong Kong. Her father was on a plane out of the country. Tomoyo had specific instructions not to come to the hotel for a few days. With all the options ruled out, no one good could be on the other side of that door.

Surely, no one figured out I was here?

She envisioned more flashbulbs. Sakura's heart began to pump at lightning speed, and she felt her palms sweat. Her stomach lurched violently. She was certain that if she got up, she would vomit. Wryly, she realized she much preferred the total nothingness she had felt this morning over this tangible, crushing anxiety.

"Sakura? It's just me," Meiling's voice came through, muffled.

Sakura sat up in surprise. Meiling was supposed to be on a plane to Hong Kong by now. What was she doing here?

Still suspicious, Sakura tiptoed over to the door and peered through the peephole. Sure enough, Meiling stood in the hall, ruby eyes darting this way and that. Sakura sighed to herself and laid her head against the door for just a moment to let the relief wash over her before stepping back and opening it.

"Meiling, what are you—" Sakura's words stopped, but her mouth stayed open as she saw Syaoran's tall frame appear behind Meiling.

His eyes met hers, and his expression, reflecting exhaustion and concern but also a heartbreaking tenderness, nearly sent her over the edge. Her heart began to pound so quickly that she could feel the force of it making her entire body shake. She rubbed her eyes to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.

Meiling laughed. "Can we come in? I had to pull a lot of strings to get this loser in here undetected, and I'll be damned if we blow our cover now."

Well, that's definitely something she would say... Maybe I'm not dreaming.

Sakura stepped back wordlessly and allowed them in before shutting the door. She turned, still trembling a little, and met Syaoran's eyes once more before hastily turning to Meiling. For some reason, she was nervous. She supposed she had never expected to see him again, and now, here he was—in the flesh, two months after she had not seen him at all.

"I, uh... I heard what happened and decided to skip Hong Kong. I wanted to come straight back to make sure you were doing okay. I'm sorry I didn't get here sooner," Syaoran started, his voice low.

"And I, of course, happen to have the softest heart known to man and got suckered into sneaking him in here," Meiling sighed. "But I think this is the better option anyway, now that he's back in Japan. There was no way he could have gone home, and no one knows he's supposed to be back already. Syaoran's room is right next door, so you guys should be able to stick it out here for a night or two relatively undetected while we figure out what to do.

"That said, there's only so much they can do to cover up your presence. So don't blow it, okay?" Meiling's voice was serious now as she made direct eye contact with each of them.

Sakura nodded, numb. It was hard to believe this situation was happening at all, but it was almost more incredible how quickly and efficiently Meiling managed to take care of things. If it had been left up to Sakura, her life would likely have gone up in flames even more.

"Are you turning in for the night?" Syaoran asked, watching as Meiling picked up her bag.

"Yeah, I need to head back to the office ASAP. My team is over there without me and God knows what they might screw up without my guiding hand." She tossed her long, inky black ponytail over her shoulder. "Could you guys do me a favor and not leave your rooms until I call in the morning? Room service is on the tab I set up under Sakura's alias, so just order yourselves something when you get hungry. Do not, under any circumstances, use your own credit cards, understand me?"

Both nodded, and Sakura realized only then that Meiling was leaving the two of them here, alone.

"Okay. Take care. And Sakura..." Meiling turned toward her.

Sakura had to mask the surprise on her face when she saw the sympathy that softened Meiling's usually sharp ruby eyes.

"I'm so sorry this is happening. But for what it's worth, you're handling it remarkably well."

Sakura smiled. Mostly, she wanted to apologize to Meiling for making her life hell, but she felt odd doing it in front of Syaoran. "Thank you. I don't know how to repay you for everything you've done."

Meiling scoffed, waving a hand in the air as she walked toward the door. "It's my job. No need to repay me. Just make sure this guy doesn't do anything stupid," she said, jutting her chin towards Syaoran.

And with that, the door clicked shut, and Meiling was gone. Sakura was alone with Syaoran Li for the first time in months, locked into what was likely the nicest hotel room she would ever see, at the pinnacle of the biggest crisis of her life so far. She would have laughed at the ridiculousness of it all if she didn't think it would sound unhinged.

"So," Syaoran said softly, taking one step forward. He finally looked at her. Sakura forced herself to look back now, and she saw that there were dark circles under his eyes and that his hair was messier than usual. Still, she thought, eyes drinking him in, he was beautiful. "How are you?"

"I'm, uh—I'm..." Sakura sighed. She stared at the ground as she searched for words.

Syaoran watched her fiddle with her hands as she looked at the floor. Sakura looked like a changed person, fearful and timid and completely on guard. Although he knew the news had broken only this morning, her pale, carefully expressionless face made her look as though she'd been through a year's worth of hell. Seeing all of it up close sent alternating jolts of pain and fury coursing throughout his system, making his heart race and his skin prickle. In that moment, more than anything else, he wished that there was some way all of this would fall on him, that he could shield Sakura from the media's wrath.

"I'm fine," she finally managed, but she chose not to look at him. "I'm worried about my family. But I'm okay."

"Sakura..." Syaoran wanted to laugh. She was clearly the opposite of "okay."

"After all," she whispered, drawing in a deep breath, "it's all my fault."

Syaoran frowned, creating deep lines around his mouth. He hadn't been expecting that. "What?"

"I mean, I only have myself to blame," Sakura started, eyes trained on a spot on the marble floor several feet away from her. "I was so negligent in the way I handled all of this, and it was just really stupid of me to think I could follow you around without getting caught and dragging you and everyone around me down in the process. This whole thing sucks and I feel awful, and of course I hate that I'm in the spotlight and that there are all these crazy rumors about me... But most of all..." She let out a shaky sigh.

"I just hate how much I've hurt everyone through my carelessness. If I hadn't been so cocky, running around like I was invincible, my dad and brother and Yukito wouldn't be sitting around worrying about how this will affect them or wondering when they can return to work, and..." Sakura's eyes burned as she blinked down at her feet. "And you wouldn't be hurting like this, either, Syaoran—you deserve so much better than this, and after all the suffering you've already gone through, I came into your life and just totally messed things up—"

Sakura stopped, realizing she was rambling only when she felt Syaoran's hand gently tilt her head up. Her skin tingled where he touched her. She could feel the calluses on his fingertips from all his guitar-playing. Surely, she thought, those had been there before, but she had never noticed them till now. Her eyes wandered up to his, afraid of what she would see.

Ah.

There it was again—that sweet, pained gaze, so soft and somehow still intense enough to burn a hole into her heart. His lips were slightly parted, a deep crease between his brows.

Finally, he spoke. His voice came out soft and low. "Sakura."

"Wh-what?" she let out almost inaudibly, and she felt silly for whispering.

"I asked you how you were doing."

Sakura felt her throat tighten painfully. She swallowed. It did not help. Her words came out strained. "And I told you that I was fine."

Oddly, Syaoran's lips tilted up at the corners, but Sakura knew better than to think he was amused. The sadness in his eyes was undeniable. Sakura recalled the night he had come to her after the ball, that same painful, remorseful smile gracing his lips as he had told her, "Not really," when she had asked him if he was okay.

"You've always been such a bad liar," he murmured.

Sakura shook her head, and her head fell so she wouldn't have to look at him. "I'm not lying." But she knew that she didn't sound very convincing.

"Hey. Look at me."

She obeyed, and she saw that the smile had disappeared. "We don't have to talk about it. But at the very least, please don't feel like you need to put on an act for me. Let go," he implored gently.

Sakura bit her lip. She couldn't break his gaze—not this time. Something about how sincerely he was watching her held her there. "I—how could you possibly be so focused on me when I've just sent your world crashing down around you?" she whispered.

Syaoran scoffed. "Don't be stupid. You haven't done anything like that. Everything will be fine, Sakura." He paused, drawing in a breath. "And secondly... I just don't care about any of that the way I care about you."

Sakura let out a sharp exhale, trying to ignore the sudden tingling in her palms and the churning in her belly. It felt different from the anxiety-driven nausea she had felt all day up until now. "I don't—I don't understand."

"What don't you understand?"

"It's that simple for you?" Sakura asked. She could hear the doubt in her own voice.

"What, that I care about you more than what's going on out there?" Syaoran looked out the wall of windows at the skyline, and when he looked back at her, he smiled softly. This time, it looked real. "It's that simple, Sakura."

Sakura stared up at him incredulously, wondering how he could be so damn good. She felt the familiar closing of her throat, but this time, it was accompanied by the distinct onset of tears as she inhaled, coming at her like a tidal wave. Relieved as she was, she preemptively clamped a hand over her eyes. The last thing she wanted right now was for Syaoran to see her bawl. She knew, though, that this was a useless tactic, because her mouth was betraying her now, too, trembling as she tried not to give in.

She felt Syaoran's hand cover hers and gently pry it away from her face. Sakura did not put up much resistance. The earnest concern set in the lines of his face, the way he held his jaw, the way his brown eyes that glowed golden-orange in the lamplight, sent a fresh wave of powerful emotions rolling through Sakura's body, and she had to press her lips together to stop from letting out a sob.

Syaoran's voice was kind when he spoke. "You can let it out, Sakura. You don't have to be so brave."

"No." Sakura shook her head, willing her eyes to blink back tears even as her vision blurred. "I'm not brave, Syaoran... I'm scared."

Her words came out mangled, and as she heard them leave her mouth, she recognized how pitiful she sounded. The truth of the admission forced the dam inside of her wide open. Before she could stop it, a choked cry escaped her lips. Her gaze fell to the floor as her face contorted. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I really shouldn't be like this—not when there's so much else to worry about—"

Syaoran cut her off then, wordlessly, by gathering her in his arms and pulling her into his chest. Sakura lost all control then. He felt her hands go to his back and clutch fistfuls of his shirt as she held onto him tightly and sobbed into his chest, her body heaving up and down from the force.

The cocktail of fear and bitterness and relief coursed through Sakura swiftly and savagely, tendrils of it whipping at her heart and tearing at her stomach. For all the hours she had been unable to cry, she felt the full force of it come to her all at once. The shield of shock had finally lifted, and everything awful about what she had experienced replayed in her head ceaselessly. The support her family had given her, even as she could hear the pain in their voices. Meiling's immeasurable kindness as she worked tirelessly to clean up the mess that Sakura felt she had made. Everything she knew Syaoran was enduring, despite his sweet words and bravado. The horrible weight of feeling that this had all transpired because of her, that he was too good to be associated with someone like her, who had been branded a gold-digger and a harlot by the media and the public.

And although she didn't want to acknowledge it—because feeling this way felt so selfish at a time when she had affected so many others with her careless behavior—she could finally fathom just how alone and terrified she'd been. Underneath the shock, she had felt like she was in hell, all by herself. And so, against her will, she cried for herself, too, and her cries intensified as sobs racked her body in violent waves.

Syaoran had been prepared for this, and in fact, he had been shocked and a little concerned when it hadn't come sooner. But even so, he felt a desperate, thumping kind of pain in his chest as Sakura broke down against him. He held her more tightly, worry and a sliver of panic tightening into a thick coil in his chest. He had never felt so helpless in his life. Even with the knowledge that it would only cause more harm, he wanted to storm the offices of the news outlets that had done this and trash their cameras and computers. He wished he could take every magazine that had Sakura's frightened face on its cover and burn them all in a pile.

Knowing he couldn't do anything of the sort, he settled for whispering soothing words as he stroked her hair, promising that everything would be all right, that they would figure it out, that he wasn't leaving her alone. All the while, he was unsure if any of his words were reaching her, but much to his relief, Sakura's weeping gradually grew quieter and quieter after some time. When it had subsided into sniffles, Syaoran held her back by her shoulders to look at her.

Sakura felt embarrassed all of a sudden, knowing that her eyes were puffy and her face very likely splotchy and red, and she couldn't bring herself to look at him. Instead, her gaze landed on his chest, and she mumbled, horrified, that she was sorry for ruining his shirt.

Syaoran snorted. "Perspective, Sakura. Of all the things you're worried about right now... You're just as ridiculous as ever."

Sakura felt the corners of her lips tilt up at the amused and exasperated tone of his voice, something she had dearly missed, and the smile felt foreign and good.

Syaoran glanced over at the clock on the nightstand and let out a low whistle. "It's almost three in the morning. Why don't we get you to bed?"

Sakura suddenly realized that she was indeed worn out. She felt grateful knowing she would be able to sleep, as it had escaped her all day, even when she had been in the hotel room alone for the hours before Syaoran had arrived. She nodded and let him lead her by the hand to her bed, where he pulled the covers back.

Sakura crawled in, sinking into the soft mattress, and despite the insanity of the last day, she felt her stomach flutter as she watched Syaoran pull the blankets over her. She shut her eyes momentarily to indulge in the fantasy that this was not in the midst of total and complete chaos, that this would last, that this meant as much to him as it did to her.

He hovered for several seconds before he sat beside her on the bed, saying nothing as he watched her face. But now that he wasn't preoccupied with trying to get Sakura to open up to him, she could see the depths of his own pain in his eyes. She felt her gut twist. She knew that his witnessing her have a meltdown could not have consoled his concern in any way.

"How are you feeling?" he asked.

"Okay," she said, and she tried a smile. Syaoran's expression remained unchanged.

"Syaoran..." Sakura sat up. "Please, please don't be so sad."

Syaoran rolled his eyes, but Sakura could tell it was halfhearted. "I told you not to worry about me."

Sakura shrugged and pursed her lips. "I can't help it. I know you're blaming yourself for this, but you know it's not your fault, right?"

Syaoran rubbed the back of his neck and let out a chuckle. "Now, doesn't that sound familiar? I need you to repeat those words directly back to yourself."

Sakura smiled, unconvinced she had assuaged him in any way but at least relieved that some of the aching had disappeared from his eyes.

"Lie back down and try to sleep," he urged.

Sakura obeyed, but she kept her eyes open, staring up at Syaoran as she pulled the covers up to her chin.

Syaoran seemed to hesitate for a moment, hand held up slightly in the air, and then, very slowly, he reached out to brush some of Sakura's hair back from her face. He traced his thumb over her cheek, and Sakura was glad her arms, now covered in goose bumps, were obscured by the blanket.

"I know this doesn't seem very believable right now," he murmured, "but everything is going to be all right. We'll figure it out."

Sakura nodded. He was right—it wasn't believable—but she had decided to isolate this moment from everything surrounding it. And when she thought about it this way, where she was just Sakura and he was just Syaoran, and they were simply reuniting after he had returned from his trip to New York, it didn't feel so bad.

"Now sleep, Sakura," Syaoran commanded gently.

"What about you? Aren't you tired?" Sakura responded softly, feeling her eyelids droop. She was surprised at how rapidly she was growing tired.

"I'll go to bed soon, so don't worry."

"D'you think..." Sakura felt herself drifting off, quickly losing control of her grip on reality. "Do you think... Instead of going to your room... You could stay here with me?"

Syaoran was quiet for a moment. Then, "Of course I can. Sleep, Sakura."

Just before Sakura shut her eyes, she saw Syaoran lean down over her face. She felt something brief, soft, fluttering on her forehead—and then she was gone.

Sakura awoke to an unfamiliar ceiling, and for a moment, she felt severely disoriented. She had slept hard and dreamlessly, and waking up felt almost nauseating, like she was coming out of a coma. She realized slowly that she was in a hotel room, and everything flooded back to her at once. Flashbulbs. Shouting. She felt as if the wind were knocked out of her all over again.

Sakura gasped for air and sat up abruptly, wrenching the sheets off of her before she felt a hand on her arm. The touch soothed her, bringing her back to reality. She turned to see Syaoran beside her in the bed, his profile illuminated by the warm light of the lamp on the nightstand and a book in his lap. The look of terrified confusion gradually melted away from Sakura's features as she recognized what was happening. She took a deep breath and felt her shoulders slump. Her heart hammered against her chest as if she'd run a marathon.

Syaoran was still for a moment before he leaned forward and reached out to brush away the strands of hair matted against Sakura's sweaty forehead.

He stayed. Somewhere beneath the fading panic, she felt a swelling in her chest at his sweetness.

"You were having a bad dream," Syaoran said, finally.

"Oh—I didn't realize I was dreaming."

"You were tossing around a little bit and talking in your sleep. I wasn't sure whether to wake you."

"Ah," Sakura said sheepishly. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Syaoran sighed, and he placed his book on the nightstand. "Come here."

Sakura looked at him quizzically. Even after what had happened tonight, it felt a little odd and almost forbidden to be in such proximity to him.

Syaoran met her glance with an exasperated eyeroll. "I'm not going to do anything weird."

Sakura bit back a smile and sidled over towards him, trying to ignore the somersaults in her stomach that had manifested again. Syaoran wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her in until he felt her lean her full weight into him.

They sat in comfortable silence as he began to rub soothing circles between her shoulderblades, and soon, he felt her head begin to loll onto his chest. He looked down at her, thinking maybe she had fallen asleep again, but her eyes were open, trained on his face.

"Sakura, you need sleep," he whispered, fingers moving softly along her back. "You've been through a lot. You have to be exhausted."

In all truth, Sakura was exhausted, and it took all her willpower to fight against the sting of her eyelids. But she was also terrified that in the morning, the spell of tonight would be broken, and all of Syaoran's sweetness would dissipate into something else, something more stiff and formal. Although she knew that the events of the day had probably clouded her judgment significantly, she felt like this might be the closest moment she'd ever have to feeling as though Syaoran Li might love her. And then when the sun rose, just like that, they would cease to see each other. What other choice did they have, after all? To continue any form of a relationship would put Syaoran's career in jeopardy.

"I'm not," she mumbled back, even as she settled her head more snugly into his chest. She noted with distant amusement and a small twinge of guilt that he'd changed shirts. He smelled so nice, she thought. Like sandalwood. "Why aren't you asleep yet?"

"Well, it's 5:30 in the morning and I'm still pretty jet-lagged. It's barely evening in New York, you know." Careful not to disturb Sakura's position, Syaoran began to reach over to turn off the lamp.

"Oh—you're going to bed?" Sakura asked, trying to hide the disappointment in her voice.

"I'm going to try," Syaoran said. "I feel like the light isn't doing you any favors, either."

"No, no," Sakura mumbled. Her speech began to slur. "You—we can stay up for a little longer."

Syaoran chuckled. He ran his fingers through her hair, and the soothing motions did nothing to help her remain conscious. "Why are you so insistent on staying awake? You sound like you're about to pass out, anyway."

Sakura shook her head, but her eyes closed against her will. Damn it. I can't do it.

Her thoughts began to detach from each other into incoherent fragments. She could feel herself giving up. I'll just have to save this night as a memory, I guess.

Several seconds later, Syaoran heard the soft sounds of Sakura's deep, even breathing and relaxed, knowing that she had finally fallen asleep again. But much to his surprise, he felt wetness on his shirt, and he glanced down to realize that tears had escaped Sakura's eyes as she drifted into her slumber.

"Oh," he breathed. His gut wrenched as he reached down to wipe the trail away from her face.

She stirred only for a moment as he did so, but the words she mumbled in her mostly-asleep state nearly broke his heart. "Syaoran... Please don't disappear."

He immediately pulled her deeper into him in the darkness, listening to her steady breathing before leaning down to kiss the top of her head. "Of course I won't disappear." He realized his voice was shaking.

It was almost physically painful, how much he loved this girl. How badly he wanted her to be happy. But as today's events unfolded, he had come to a horrifying realization: telling her his feelings would surely lead to the opposite of her happiness.

Still, he thought, there was no harm in letting her know when he knew she wouldn't hear him.

"I love you, Sakura. So much it makes me crazy."

Sakura shifted slightly in her sleep but did not stir otherwise. Syaoran remained awake till the sun rose, and all the while, he held her closely to him, hoping that the sound of his heart against her ear might help her dream good dreams.

That's it for chapter 23! So, for lack of a better phrase, shit has really hit the fan now, hasn't it? But at least Sakura and Syaoran got some quality alone time (even if it's happening while Sakura's life is being upended)! I found this chapter really fun to write because it was so ridiculously indulgent compared to the scenes I usually write. Sakura usually isn't this pitiful and Syaoran doesn't get too many chances in the story to be her knight in shining armor or anything, so this was a nice change of pace for me. I do apologize if it came off as just plain sappy or cheesy—I tended to veer into that area from time to time, but I tried to weed that out as much as I could!

I want to apologize for any potential typos or continuity errors. I wrote a LOT of this chapter in fragments, out of order, etc. (Some parts are over three years old!) I tried to edit them cohesively to the best of my ability, but given how much I've looked at this document, I'm sure that I've looked over something and can't even notice it anymore.

I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter. Thanks as always for your wonderful responses from last time—I say this every time, but it really just makes me so happy, and I love that there are people who still love this fandom (and this story!) like I do. Please leave a review on your way out, and happy holidays!

Love,

boreum dal