radio star

xxvi. finality

author's note: some of you may have noticed that the rating on this fic has changed from T to M, as i've included a sex scene in this chapter (and there is a mild, but not explicit, scene in the very beginning of the chapter as well). i've kept this story at a T rating for the last half-decade and never provided any warning it would change, so i apologize—for those of you who would like to skip that scene, i've included a note within in the story telling you where to skip and where to resume. thanks, and happy reading!

Sakura could hardly catch her breath as Syaoran's lips crashed against hers over and over, his tongue tasting every inch of her mouth and his hands roaming without abandon beneath her shirt. Callused fingers brushed against her navel, her ribs, around her back, raising goosebumps wherever they traveled. She pulled away so she could lift her shirt over her head, and with a laugh, they threw it to some far corner of the bedroom before Syaoran unclasped her bra. Sakura reddened slightly as he paused for a moment to lock eyes with her before allowing his gaze to wander, following the rise and fall of her now bare chest, down to her stomach and then back up to her lips.

A hungry glint in Syaoran's eye betrayed the gentleness of his smile, and when he moved in to kiss her again, Sakura felt like he might totally devour her. One of his hands rested at the base of her neck, pulling her to him insistently, and his free hand snaked up to cup her breast. She gasped and arched into him, and Syaoran took the opportunity to press his lips and run his tongue along her exposed neck. The sensation made Sakura feel like she might float out of her body and never come back.

She shut her eyes, and then it hit her like a wave. Behind her closed lids, she saw the flashbulbs and the picture of her brother and Yukito and the corpse with her face and the ceiling of the hotel room where she'd lay in bed sleeping all day before they'd come to London. Something distinctly wrong—a prickling sort of discomfort, like touching a burr, like homesickness and sudden, total unfamiliarity with her surroundings—spread through her stomach.

No.

Syaoran pulled away then, brows knitted together in concern. "Are you all right?"

"Um—yeah, I'm—" she was panting, chest heaving, and suddenly, she felt cold without her shirt. She crossed her arms over herself. "Actually... no," she whispered, and she chewed her lower lip before she caught the alarm in his wide eyes, causing a wave of panic to swell in her chest.

"No, I—I swear, it's not you, Syaoran, please don't be upset, I just—I feel..." She had no idea how to explain it. How could she explain feelings she couldn't even begin to identify in words? Her gaze fell.

Mortification and guilt were brewing in her stomach now, too, heavy and filling her mouth with a tangy, metallic taste. It was very possible she'd just ruined everything between them, all for a moment's discomfort. But it hadn't felt right, a small voice inside her insisted. It wasn't supposed to happen like this—but when she tried to form the words to describe this sensation, she realized how stupid they'd sound out loud.

"Hey." Syaoran reached out, and so softly that she could hardly feel it, he brushed some of her hair back behind her ear. His fingers lingered along her jawline for a half-second. "We don't have to if you don't want to."

Sakura raised her eyes to his, and the alarm was gone, replaced by that softness she had come to associate with him so often. Her heart did a strange kind of flip in her chest. She could have started crying all over again.

"But I really do want to! I—it has nothing to do with you, I just—" She let out a sigh, frustrated with the disconnect between her brain and her mouth. "I feel crazy, you know? I—I closed my eyes, and all of a sudden, I just felt like I wasn't here, like I was back there, and I don't want to feel that way when I'm with you. It's not right. And you're—you're more than just a distraction to me."

When he didn't respond immediately, she added nervously, "That didn't make any sense, did it?"

Syaoran's lips flickered into a smile. "It makes perfect sense."

Sakura held her breath and searched his face, despite his words, for hidden signs of irritation or disappointment or hurt. She couldn't find any.

"Here," Syaoran said, and he took one of the throw blankets that had been lying at the foot of the bed and carefully draped it over her, allowing her to grab the front of it so she was fully covered.

"Oh... Thank you." Sakura barely got the words out; his kindness floored her. She wanted to throw her arms around him. "Sorry I'm being such a nutcase."

Syaoran scoffed. "You're not being a nutcase. You're trying to cope. You realized this wasn't the best way. And it's good that you stopped me if you weren't comfortable." He rubbed the back of his neck, frowning slightly now. "If anything, I'm sorry—I should have stopped to think and say something, but I just went with it instead."

Sakura frowned back. "That's ridiculous. Why would it be on you?"

Syaoran raised a brow, his lips quirking up. "And why would it be on you?"

Sakura opened her mouth, then closed it. A small smile made its way onto her lips.

Syaoran chuckled. "Come here."

Sakura settled against him, breathing him in. She looked down at one of his forearms and allowed herself to trace the veins around the inside of his elbow. She'd never found the perfect time to say what she'd been wanting to tell him, and this felt as imperfect as any. But she was astonished at how good he was, drunk on it, and so very in love with him, to the point where she was bursting with it. It had to be now.

"Hey." She continued to run her fingers along the veins, dark against the paleness of his skin. She suddenly remembered how tan he had been when she'd first met him in the summer.

"Hm?"

Sakura paused the movements of her fingers and turned her head so her face was pressed against his chest. Her words came out muffled, but she knew he heard them. "Um... I love you."

Sakura felt his chin move above her head, and she knew he was looking down at her. She listened to her heart thud in her ears, which was even louder than his heartbeat against her cheek. She tried not to imagine what his expression must look like.

Slowly, Syaoran pulled himself away from her so that he could look at her, and when she saw his face, she didn't know what to think. His expression was quite serious, lips set into a thin line and brows drawn together. She watched his eyes roam back and forth as they searched hers, and she tried to ignore the unpleasant way her stomach twisted.

After a few agonizing moments of silence, he finally spoke. "I didn't want to tell you when all of this was going on. I didn't want to be selfish. But I hope I made it obvious enough. I've been in love with you for a long while."

Sakura blinked at him for a few moments, and then a laugh bubbled up her chest, and she threw herself against him, forcing his back flat against the bed as the blanket fell over both of them.

"Whoa," he laughed, and he settled his hands on her waist to steady them.

"I didn't think you were being obvious," Sakura said softly, running her fingers through strands of his soft hair.

"I think you might be the only person who would say that. Meiling has asked me about a dozen times if you'd figured it out yet."

Sakura flushed. "So... Where do we go from here?" she whispered. It wasn't a question she really wanted to ask—the answer held so many unknowns—but it felt crucial.

Syaoran let out a deep sigh, and Sakura felt his fingers travel absentmindedly up and down her spine. She tried not to squirm or shiver.

"A very serious question," he mused.

"I know," Sakura responded, her voice tinged with regret.

"Well, I have a serious answer."

Sakura raised her head so she could look him in the eyes, although she was almost afraid to. "What is it?"

Syaoran raised his eyebrows. "Now that we've taken this big step together, I think it's time I demonstrate my cooking prowess and make you dinner."

Syaoran bit back a laugh at the shocked expression on Sakura's face when he entered the kitchen with a large paper bag full of groceries in each arm.

"That was so fast!" she exclaimed.

"Modern technology," he replied, grinning as he walked over to the island counter to set down the bags. "Delivery services that cater to the laziest of us. Or those of us who don't want to deal with the outside world. Or both."

Sakura wandered over to the counter, pulling items out of the bags and examining each before setting them down. She nodded in satisfaction when she saw the ingredients she'd requested. "What are you making?"

"Steamed spareribs and some other side dishes. They won't quite be as good as my mom's, but they'll have to do." He glanced up from the bags. "What are you making?"

"Chocolate mousse cake," she said, and then she froze and glanced up at him, a bag of bittersweet chocolate chips in either hand. "Wait. You like chocolate, right? I hope that's okay."

"Sakura, you have no idea."

Sakura laughed. "Dramatic, but I'll take it."

"I've been called that from time to time. Mostly by Meiling. Do you want white or red wine?"

"Either would be fine with me."

"Well, I'm putting you on the spot."

"Ah…" Sakura fidgeted. "Okay. White."

Syaoran grinned and walked over to the fridge. "Excellent choice. Saves me a trip down to the wine cellar."

Sakura snorted. "This place would have a wine cellar."

"I'm going to have to tell Eriol how much you've been ragging on his house," Syaoran said, shaking his head and laughing as he uncorked a bottle of sauvignon blanc. He began to pour generous amounts into two wine glasses he'd produced from a cabinet next to the refrigerator.

"Fine. But be sure to tell him how much I love the bed, too, in case he's thinking of replacing it."

"Deal," he laughed. He raised his glass. "Cheers."

"Cheers." She took a sip and sighed pleasurably as the tart sweetness settled over her tongue. "This is good."

"It's Meiling's favorite," Syaoran mumbled absentmindedly, searching through the drawers until he found a set of measuring spoons. "I'll have to tell her you like it."

They worked in tandem to rummage through the drawers and set things in order, pulling out various bowls, measuring spoons, a couple of knives, cutting boards, and the ingredients they'd purchased. Sakura didn't know whether to be impressed with Syaoran or appalled at herself when she saw how neat and orderly his workspace looked; hers looked like a warzone, and she hadn't even started yet.

Her gaze wandered up to Syaoran's face, only to see he was raising one eyebrow in a frighteningly Touya-like manner at her work area. Sakura scowled. "Don't judge me!"

Syaoran raised his hands in a show of surrender, clearly biting back a grin. "I didn't say a word."

The two began to work in comfortable silence, Sakura measuring and mixing various ingredients into a large bowl as Syaoran sliced meat and peeled and chopped garlic. Soft music played from Syaoran's phone through speakers around the kitchen. Between the soothing atmosphere and the wine, Sakura could hardly remember the turmoil of earlier that evening. She transferred the contents of her mixing bowl into a baking pan and turned to place it in the oven.

"Enjoying yourself?"

Sakura didn't look up as she slid the pan into the oven and shut it. "Mmhm."

"Good. Me, too."

A catch in Syaoran's voice gave Sakura pause, and she looked over at him as she straightened up and leaned her back against the counter opposite the island. "Everything okay?"

Syaoran took his time in responding, covering his own mixing bowl in saran wrap and pushing it off to the side. He picked up his wine glass and turned so his back was toward the island, leaning against it and mirroring her pose. "We've beaten this to death, so I understand if you don't want to talk about it anymore," he began slowly, swirling the wine in his glass, "but I wanted to ask you something."

Sakura's pulse picked up, and she felt as though she'd accidentally skipped a breath. She forced herself to sound calm. "Okay. What is it?"

"What we talked about before—about how there's going to be a lot of gossip about you, even about your family, and a lot of it won't even be stuff that's true—do you really feel prepared to take all of that on, all for me?" He lowered his gaze for just a moment. She could only just tell when he blinked by the way his lashes brushed against his cheeks. When he looked back up at her, his lips were set in a resolute line. "My mind is made up—I want to be with you. But I want to be absolutely sure, after everything that happened today, that you think it's worth all the hurt. Because... I don't think it's going to stop here."

Unsure of what to say, Sakura opened her mouth and closed it a few times before trying to settle her thoughts, watching him closely. His expression was pained now, and she remembered, in vivid detail, his lips against her cheek and her neck as he had whispered to her, the anguish in his voice so clear: "I want to help you forget."

The thought of more incidents like these, of course, frightened her, and she was so tired of the uncertainty, how these things would affect her family, her future, her career. But they had already gotten through so much to get here. And she was more tired—exhausted, really—from denying what made her happy.

She let out a long breath. "Look. About me getting hurt, I—I can't let every little story bother me. So it just means I'll have to grow a thicker skin, right? I mean, that can't be so bad. I think if I really try, I can do it. I've got you, and my family, and Tomoyo and Meiling and Eriol all supporting me. Not everyone is that lucky." She let out a breath as she looked up at Syaoran, who was looking at her now with that same expression he'd worn right before he had kissed her that first time. "All that to say: yes. I do think it's worth it."

Syaoran stared at her for a long time, unmoving. Sakura willed herself to hold his gaze. Finally, his chest rose and fell with a deep sigh, the corners of his lips tilting upward into the slightest smile. He set down his wine glass and closed the space between them in one step. He brought his fingers to her chin, raising her head slightly up. Sakura's breath caught in her throat; she wondered if she would ever be used to him.

"Okay. Then I won't ask anymore." He dipped his head low so his lips only just brushed hers. She could taste the wine on his breath. "I love you," he whispered against her mouth.

Sakura's stomach made a strange kind of swooping motion. "I love you, too."

Meiling took off her glasses and set them down on her desk before leaning back in her chair and stretching. Her shoulders ached with the tension of sitting hunched at her desk for however many hours a day over the last week or so, but she was oddly satisfied by it. For a scandal so huge, she thought, things could have been so much worse. She mentally patted herself on the back. Maybe she'd go home tonight and draw a bath—

Her phone buzzed loudly against her desk, and she sat back up, leaning over to see Eriol's name flash on her screen. She held her breath as she picked up. "Hello?"

"Meiling. Good to hear that you're alive and well."

Meiling grinned. She felt a tinge of relief at the amusement in Eriol's voice; if he'd been calling with bad news, he'd have come right out with it. "Alive is right, at least."

"Alive and not well, then?"

"I could be better," Meiling responded, clicking out of various open windows on her screen before standing up to stretch her legs. "But I haven't hit my limit yet."

"Well, Syaoran had asked me to come by and check on you, but I didn't want to be a bother. I thought I'd call first."

She scoffed as she began to pace. "He really thinks I can't take care of myself, huh?"

"Well, he's worried about you, naturally. He feels guilty. So does Sakura."

"Oh, well..." Meiling frowned at that. "They shouldn't. It's not their faults—"

"I know, I know. We've sang this song and dance already," Eriol said soothingly. "They'll all get there. Give it some time."

"Everyone involved in this mess is too nice for their own good," Meiling sighed. "I've always told Syaoran he should learn to be a little more ruthless."

"We can't all be you." The smile was evident in Eriol's voice. "So, do I have permission to stop by?"

Meiling looked around her mess of an office. Papers were scattered over every surface; crumpled newspapers, torn magazine pages, and empty food wrappers were overflowing out of her trash bin and onto the floor. The several potted plants that Meiling kept in the corners of the room were wilting from lack of care. And perhaps most embarrassingly, several items of Meiling's clothing, which she'd brought to and from work and home with her in the demanding hours of the last few days, lay strewn about the various chairs set around the room for guests.

"I wouldn't say no to company," she admitted. "How about we meet outside the office, though?"

"Excellent," Eriol said brightly. "I can take you to dinner. Oh, and I've got some news to tell you when I see you."

Meiling narrowed her eyes. The casual addition sounded a little too casual. "What kind of news?"

Eriol hesitated for half a second before speaking again. "I found out that a publication under my company is publishing an interview this week with Sakura's ex-boyfriend. Some guy named Isamu Hiroyuki."

Meiling stopped her pacing at once. She could feel a headache starting to form at the front of her temples. "Okay, are you actually insane?" she hissed. "How come you didn't tell me this sooner? I don't have time to be wined and dined when this kind of shit—"

"It's fine, Meiling."

Meiling's eyes widened. She couldn't see herself, but she was certain that the vein in the middle of her forehead was popping out. "It's 'fine'? It's fine?"

"It is fine," Eriol repeated calmly. "It's... I don't think it'll hurt anything."

"What do you mean? I don't appreciate all the mystery."

"You'll see. I've got a transcript. I can show you at dinner."

Meiling glanced at the clock and frowned. "What time? I don't like this. It's making me anxious."

"How about now?"

"Fine. Pick me up from my office."

No news is good news.

Syaoran opened his eyes to bright sunlight streaming through the large windows of the guest bedroom in Eriol's house as Meiling's voice reverberated in his head.

"No news is good news," she'd said over the phone a few days ago. It had become something of a mantra to him ever since, a lifeline to which he'd clung throughout the last few days, after he'd called her to tell her about the article highlighting Sakura's brother and his partner.

"Yeah, I caught that one," Meiling said. Even over the phone, her voice sounded weary. "These assholes will really write about anything to get a hit. But it could've been a lot worse."

"I know," Syaoran muttered, kicking a pebble down the sidewalk. He glanced back through the window of the tea shop where they'd settled for the morning, where Sakura was reading a book at a table with her fist propping up her chin. "It killed Sakura, though."

"I'm sure it did. But if she loses her mind every time someone writes something unsavory, she's never going to make it."

Syaoran frowned. "I know. She knows that, too. She told me as much at dinner last night."

"Smart girl. She's catching on fast."

Syaoran said nothing in response, sighing as he leaned against the wall of the building.

"I know you hate it," Meiling said. "I do, too. But we'll fix it, okay? In the meantime, just... Do me a favor and stay off of news about you two. I've got enough eyes and ears on it—I'll let you know if you've actually got something to worry about. Otherwise, you're both just going to waste hours worrying about stories that are going to disappear into the fold after a day, anyway. Repeat after me: No news is good news."

Syaoran smiled. "No news is good news. Right."

"Now go enjoy your vacation. Let me fight the battle for a little while, all right?"

"Don't work too hard," Syaoran said softly.

"No promises. See you."

But just last night, Meiling had texted him something odd: Sending an article your way tomorrow. You won't like it, but it's not bad.

Despite Syaoran's multiple requests for clarification, Meiling had not delivered, insisting that it would all be fine and that he'd understand when he saw. This really was a little unfair, he thought, since it flagrantly violated the "no news is good news" policy but left him without any sense of knowing what was coming.

Syaoran's eyes stung as he blinked, stretching against the mattress and then relaxing again. He'd slept poorly, and he felt a twinge of annoyance at Meiling for being so cryptic when she had to have known how it would affect him.

Syaoran's phone pinged then, and recognizing the noise as a notification for his email inbox, he reached over to pick the phone up from the nightstand. He glanced over at Sakura, who continued to sleep. Hoping fervently that he wouldn't have to break any more nasty news to her when she woke, he pulled up his inbox and saw, true to form, an email from Meiling entitled, "don't freak out."

He rolled his eyes. "Too late," he muttered to the phone.

He tapped on the subject, and unable to restrain himself from prematurely frowning, began to read the text of the yet-to-be-published article.

Tales from the Ex-Boyfriend of Syaoran Li's New Woman

Few would call Syaoran Li a stranger to making a splash in Japan's entertainment scene with sensational stories of his private life. The singer and former actor, 24, made headlines earlier this month when news broke that he had been seeing a gossip columnist, Sakura Kinomoto, for some time. (Li and his equally famous ex-girlfriend, actress Mizuki Akizawa, underwent a very public breakup following—you guessed it—another scandal just last summer; it's unclear whether his dating timeline with Kinomoto overlapped with his relationship with Akizawa.)

But it seems Kinomoto wasn't always into the rich bad boy-type. Once upon a time, she dated a quite normal, very nice college classmate named Isamu Hiroyuki. Hiroyuki sat down with us at Hoshi to discuss his ex's recent foray into the tabloids and had some very surprising things to say! Read more below:

Hoshi: Tell us a little about yourself and how you met Sakura Kinomoto.

IH: I'm 23 years old and currently a software engineer at Kanigawa Technology. I went to college with Sakura and met her in one of our introductory classes. We dated throughout college.

Hoshi: Why did you break up?

IH: College came to an end, and we went our separate ways.

Hoshi: Do you still speak to her now?

IH: No, it's been a little while since we've spoken.

Hoshi: Were you surprised to see her name in the news after all this time, then?

IH: Well, yeah. Of course I was.

Hoshi: Why do you say that so emphatically?

IH: I mean, what's happening to her is—it's hard to believe it's reality. One moment, she's a normal human being with a peaceful life, and the next, she's tabloid fodder and getting ripped apart because she was in the right place at the right time to befriend someone famous.

Hoshi: You don't sound too happy about that.

IH: I'm not. [...] Sakura is one of the most genuine, kindest people I've ever met. She wouldn't ever try to willfully deceive anyone or go after someone for his money. She has higher values than that, and she sticks to them. What's happening to her isn't just difficult to believe because it's crazy, it's also difficult to watch because it's wrong.

Hoshi: You can say all this as her ex-boyfriend?

IH: What happened between us has nothing to do with who she is as a person. That will never change.

Hoshi: And who is she as a person?

IH: I just told you. It's not much more complicated than that. At her core, that's who she is—a good, kind person.

Hoshi: Thank you, Isamu.

Kinomoto has faced an onslaught of negative press since she first entered the public eye, but it seems there's more to the story than meets the eye if her ex has anything to say about it! Stay tuned as we uncover more to this chapter in Syaoran Li's fascinating life.

[End article]

Syaoran let out a long, slow breath. Relief at the contents of the article and irritation at Meiling for hiding the ball so unnecessarily battled inside him. Relief won within seconds, but there was something else there, too, pointy and vaguely acrid and shocking. He couldn't put his finger on the feeling, but he didn't like it.

A text from Meiling popped in at the top of his screen: Did you see the article? Not bad at all, right?

Annoyance flared up inside of him again, and he sat up, opting to ignore the text for now. It felt petty, but he figured it wouldn't hurt Meiling to wait when she'd kept him waiting all night.

He sat up, intending to take a shower in hopes that the unnamable feeling would leave him, when he felt Sakura stir beside him. He turned to see her blinking up at him, squinting against the bright light.

"'Morning," he said. "Sleep well?"

"Mhmm." She rubbed her eyes and sat up. "Is it late?"

"Nah." Syaoran read the clock on his phone. "It's only 8:30."

"That's good," Sakura said, the relief notable in her voice.

Syaoran raised an eyebrow. "Do you have somewhere to be?"

"Ah, well... I don't want to waste the day." Sakura shrugged, but it looked forced. "Not when the good days are limited."

Syaoran felt himself lose a little of his breath. He'd been feeling it, too: this sense that their time was limited, that he could be called back to Tokyo at any moment with no plan—or worse, a plan that didn't involve Sakura—and that this happy little bubble they'd created would burst and disappear forever. This was the closest either of them had come to saying that out loud.

He kissed her cheek and pressed his phone into her hand before standing up. "Then why don't we get ready and go do something fun? But first, I think you should read this."

Sakura glanced down at the phone, brows rising in surprise. "What is it?"

"It's a preview of an article that's going to be published in Hoshi. Meiling sent it to me. I think you should see it before it goes up. But it's not bad. I promise."

Syaoran watched her carefully as she read the first two paragraphs, her expression changing from one of nervous curiosity to outright shock. The color had drained from her face, and she looked up at him, eyes wide and her mouth hanging open.

"Oh, Syaoran, I don't know—"

"It's okay," he said, reaching out and touching her neck, her jaw, hoping the contact would ground her. "I promise, I wouldn't show you if I thought it was going to hurt you. But I think it's best if you see this one for yourself. That being said, let me know if you don't want me to be in here while you read it."

Sakura shook her head. "No. Please—please stay."

Syaoran nodded, and he watched Sakura's eyes flicker back down to the screen. Unsure what to do while she read, he moved just a few paces back, hovering uncertainly from foot to foot. He wished he could see her face so he'd have an idea of what he needed to do when she was done.

Finally, Sakura appeared to have reached the end of the article, as she let out a soft "oh" and lifted her hand up to her mouth.

Syaoran approached cautiously, one hand shoved into the pocket of his pajama pants and the other running through his hair. He crouched down so he'd be eye level with her. "Okay?"

Sakura's hand dropped from her mouth and she looked up at him, nodding fervently. "Okay."

But when Syaoran saw that her lips were pressed together in an attempt to keep tears from spilling over onto her cheeks, he felt immediate regret. His hands fluttered around uselessly as he tried to undo the damage. "Shit—I'm sorry, I didn't—I thought it would be good—"

"No, no, it is," Sakura said hurriedly, and as she shook her head, she wiped her face with the heel of her hand. "It wasn't bad, you were totally right."

"Then why—"

"It was just so sweet," Sakura said, heaving a shaky sigh and scrubbing at her face. "I didn't expect that at all—he didn't have to do that. But I don't think I knew how much I needed something like that until I saw it."

Again, Syaoran was hit with relief, and again, he was simultaneously smacked with something else, too—that pointy feeling, which he now could identify with absolute certainty as jealousy. Of course, with the knowledge that he was being ridiculous, shame followed immediately after.

Sakura smiled, and to Syaoran's pleasure, it was a true smile. "Thank you, Syaoran. For showing me that."

The pointiness dissipated several degrees. He felt himself smile back. "Of course. I'm glad it helped." He stood back up, taking one of her hands. "Let's figure out what we're going to do today over breakfast."

Sakura placed his phone on the nightstand and stood up until she was on her tiptoes to press her lips against his. "That works for me."

Despite her best efforts, Sakura couldn't help feeling like tonight had a feeling of finality to it, like both she and Syaoran were desperately trying to cram as much enjoyment into these minutes as possible before they had to face reality again. She felt a little guilty for associating Meiling with the feeling of dread and doom that lingered in her gut, but as soon as Syaoran's cousin had announced she'd be in town to meet with them the following day, Sakura had not been able to shake the sensation off of her.

It had been just over a week and a half now since they'd come to London, and having explored, shopped, drank, and eaten themselves silly the last several nights, they had settled for a night in on the sofa with a movie playing on the TV before them, especially since they were due to meet Meiling early in the morning. Sakura had hardly been paying attention to the film and was hopelessly confused as to what was going on with the story now.

"Syaoran." Sakura's eyes remained fixed on the screen, although she couldn't have begun to explain what she was watching; somewhere along the way, the protagonist had gone undercover as a member of a flying circus and was now attempting a fairly tricky stunt in midair during a show. She vaguely wondered how he already had the acrobatic skills necessary to pull this role off. All in a day's work of being a spy, she supposed.

"Hmm." Syaoran's eyes also remained fixed on the screen, although Sakura had reason to believe that he hadn't really been watching, either.

Sakura tried to work out what she wanted to say. It occurred to her that she should have done this before she had spoken up. The finality, the end-ness of the evening, hit her again in a dizzying wave, and her throat seemed to close up.

He turned his head to look at her. "You okay?"

Sakura nodded. She bit her lip. Is it over after this what's going to happen to us how will this possibly work—

Words just wouldn't do. She leaned over on her hands and kissed him.

She felt Syaoran stiffen for a moment and thought he might push her off and ask her what was going on, but instead, he relaxed in the next second and put his arms around her, sighing into the kiss. Sakura nibbled on his lower lip before seeking entry into his mouth, and he gladly obliged. She felt him pull her harder against him so she was sitting on his lap, her torso flush against his. In response, she deepened the kiss, angling herself higher, her tongue warring with his. She pulled away, breathing hard, and trailed kisses down his chin, along his jaw, down his neck, sucking softly at the skin just above his collarbone.

"Sakura." Syaoran's voice came out ragged.

Sakura continued to run her tongue and teeth over his neck. She could feel him now, hard and warm against her thigh, and she felt a thrill run up her spine.

"Sakura," Syaoran repeated, and he gently pulled her away. There was something wild in his eyes now, she thought, and his breaths were coming out as rapidly as her own. "If you keep this up—"

"Wanna go to the bedroom?" Sakura blurted out.

Syaoran's eyebrows rose, and she knew he was remembering their second night there, when she'd asked him to stop. Aside from the occasional kiss or hug or holding her when they slept, Syaoran had not made any advances on her since then. She watched his eyes reading hers, trying to discern what she was thinking.

He nodded. "Yeah," he whispered.

They stood up and made their way upstairs, the TV still blaring in the background.

[A/N: Skip here]

Sakura could feel Syaoran's nerves as she walked into the darkened room, and although she felt jittery herself, she tried to will herself to stop. They couldn't both be nervous, she thought. One of them had to remain calm.

She turned on one lamp beside the bed and sat down, thought about it for a moment, and then stood back up.

"Everything okay?" Syaoran said, a hint of nervousness touching his words.

Sakura nodded. "Just—" She pulled her sweatshirt and t-shirt off at once and then pulled her leggings down, kicking them away. "There."

Syaoran's brows rose in surprise and then lowered, and suddenly, he looked far more at ease than he had before. He laughed quietly. "I appreciate your efficiency."

Sakura giggled as well, but her laughter died when she saw Syaoran's gaze roaming up and down her body. He'd seen her with even less clothing on before, of course, but somehow, this felt different—like she had even more and fewer reasons to be apprehensive, all at once.

He took two steps toward her, paused, and stripped off his own shirt and sweatpants. "Now we match."

Sakura laughed before Syaoran wrapped warm arms around her and kissed her. At first, there was just softness—soft lips against soft lips, soft hands grazing up and down her back, soft sheets against her shoulders and the backs of her legs as they lay on the bed.

Syaoran's tongue moved against her own, across her teeth, over the inside of her mouth as Sakura's fingers ran through the strands of his hair and down the hard muscle along his shoulders. He moved his attention to the skin between her neck and her shoulder, and before she could stop herself, Sakura giggled and shrugged him away.

"Ticklish?"

"A little."

Syaoran nipped playfully at the area again, and Sakura laughed, pushing against his chest. He captured her lips once more before moving lower, pressing a kiss to her sternum and then over the swell of her left breast. Sakura arched herself into him as he reached beneath her and unhooked her bra. She slid her arms out of the straps and discarded the item of clothing over the side of the bed, and Syaoran locked eyes with her for a half-second before lowering his mouth over her breast.

Sakura's breath hitched as his tongue flicked over her hardened nipple and his hand cupped the other. Alternating jolts of pleasure and overstimulation made her wriggle and curl her toes, and she couldn't decide whether to pull him closer or push him away. When she thought she couldn't take much more, Syaoran moved to the other.

His hand, which had been tracing patterns over her breasts and stomach, moved lower until it slipped beneath the edge of her underwear. Just as Syaoran moved up to kiss her, she gasped in delight as his fingers slipped over her folds. When he found her center with his thumb and applied the slightest amount of pressure, she let out a moan that was so indecent that she bit down on her lip to keep it from coming out again.

"Good?" he whispered, a hint of a smile playing on the corner of his lips.

Sakura could hardly breathe. She settled for nodding feverishly.

He pulled her panties down her legs. She realized for a split second that she was fully naked now in front of him—not that it really mattered at this point—and then promptly forgot this realization as he applied more pressure to her clit and plunged his tongue into her mouth again. Sakura felt herself slowly approaching a breaking point, and at the very moment where she wondered if she would actually reach it, Syaoran inserted one finger inside of her, sending shockwaves through her entire body.

Sakura didn't realize her eyes were closed until she opened them. Syaoran's gaze was firmly on hers as he pumped his finger in and out of her slick center, thumb rubbing against her clit and sending unadulterated shocks of pleasure up her spine. She fought against herself to keep her eyes on his as she could feel herself getting closer and closer to climax. Syaoran leaned down then to kiss her on the forehead—an act that struck her as oddly gentle in the middle of...this—and promptly inserted another finger inside of her and increased his pace.

In a few sweet strokes, Sakura came undone. She grasped at Syaoran's shoulders, his back, the sheets—anything she could hold onto—as the pleasure spread from her core to her toes to her fingertips, wracking her body in waves. Syaoran slowly helped her ride her climax out before brushing his lips against hers and pushing some of her hair off of her sweaty forehead.

"Hang on, okay?" He kissed her again and got out of bed.

Sakura lay there wondering what he was doing before she realized he was standing by the dresser now, rifling through his wallet for a condom. Her head spun. She breathed in and out, taking in big gulps of air. She hadn't done this with anyone in years, to the point where she'd had difficulty imagining who she'd ever be comfortable being this intimate with again. It was astonishing how easy it felt with him.

Syaoran came back to the bed, condom wrapper half-open in his teeth as he rolled the condom onto himself. He dropped the wrapper onto the nightstand beside them and climbed over her, elbows resting beside either side of her face and knees just outside of hers.

Sakura smiled. "I never took you for a gold condom wrapper kind of guy."

Syaoran glanced over at the crumpled wrapper on the nightstand and then back at Sakura. "The sad thing is, these aren't even flavored ones. I usually go for blueberry-flavored, but they were out when I went to go buy some."

Sakura's eyes widened, wondering at the implications of this. "Really?"

Syaoran laughed, and with his chest pressed against hers, Sakura could feel every bit of the mirth inside of him, rumbling through him and into her. "No, of course not. I don't have a great explanation for the gold packaging, though. These just happen to be what I bought last. I apologize for my gaudiness."

Sakura shrugged, biting back a grin. "You're excused."

Syaoran chuckled and pressed his lips to hers. His fingers brushed over her a few more times to make sure she was ready before he guided himself toward her entrance. He looked down at her, and she nodded, and slowly, he inched himself in as he kissed her, tongue snaking against hers. She heard and felt him groan into her mouth as he fully entered her.

All at once, Sakura could feel the slight smarting pressure of him filling her and the fire it was sending through her veins. She dug her nails into his shoulder blades.

He paused and pulled away. "Okay?"

Sakura nodded, breaths coming out in shuddering gasps. "It's just—um, it's been a little while since I did this, so. Um. I think it might just help if you move."

Syaoran nodded once, and true to prediction, as he pulled back slowly, Sakura felt the fiery sensation take over, every nerve ending searing with pleasure. She moaned and nodded. He leaned down to kiss her, long and slow, and when he pulled back, his eyes were so tender that Sakura could hardly stand to look at him for too long.

"I love you," she whispered, and then she immediately felt embarrassed. Why had she said that? In the middle of sex? It had just come out of her. It was horrendously cheesy. She had no explanation.

But Syaoran didn't look like he needed one. "I love you, too."

Syaoran continued at that slow, leisurely pace, allowing Sakura to adjust, until she begged him to go faster. Taking her for her word, Syaoran began to thrust in and out of her hard and fast, one hand grabbing the leg that she'd hitched up to his waist and the other brushing against her clit, over and over. Sakura could hear her moans shaking and cutting off altogether as she lost her breath with each thrust.

She held her breath as she felt the pressure building again in her belly, then her chest. All the air left her lungs and her mouth formed to let out a soundless scream as she climaxed, the orgasm rocking her body even more violently than last time, no doubt propelled by Syaoran's continued movement inside of her until he came as well. She felt him shudder over her before he relaxed, remaining inside of her for just a few more moments as he caught his breath. She reached up and kissed his shoulder and his collarbone and his jawline. They both trembled a little as he pulled out and rolled over to lie beside her.

[A/N: Resume reading]

Sakura's breath came out in one great, whispered whooooo, and Syaoran let out a loud laugh that shook the entire bed.

"That good, huh?"

Sakura playfully slapped his arm. "No. But also, yes."

Syaoran chuckled and reached over to grab her hand. "Good." He lifted her hand to his lips. "Want to go take a shower?"

"Sure."

They clambered out of bed together and headed to the bathroom. Syaoran allowed Sakura a few moments in the shower to clean off before he joined her. After they shampooed and washed off, Sakura lathered up a washcloth and scrubbed Syaoran's back, taking a moment to work some knots out of his shoulder as she did.

Syaoran leaned his forehead against the tile of the shower and sighed. "You have no idea how good that feels."

"You should see a massage therapist when you get back," Sakura mused. "I can't imagine how much your shoulders ache with all this stress."

"Me? Stressed? Never."

Sakura snorted. Syaoran turned around when she was done, and although she expected him to turn off the water and step out, he pulled her to him instead, his chest pressed against hers and his arms wrapped around her shoulder blades. She could feel him rocking, ever so slightly, from foot to foot.

She put her own arms around his back and looked up at him, squinting a little against the flecks of water getting in her eyes. "You okay?"

"'Course I am," Syaoran murmured. His fingers played with her hair. His eyes had that same overwhelming, all-encompassing look from earlier. Like she'd lose herself in them if she looked for too long. Somehow, the effect hadn't lost its intensity, even though they were no longer having sex. "I'm just happy."

Sakura reached up and slicked the hair back out of his face. He looked a little older this way. She pressed her cheek against his chest, letting him rock her beneath the stream of hot water.

"I love you a lot, Sakura." His voice was deep and echoed along the shower walls.

For some reason, Sakura felt tears in her eyes. She swallowed before speaking so as not to reveal herself. "I bet I love you more."

"Neither of us will win this game."

Sakura laughed and blinked out the tears. She felt him tighten his hold on her, ever so slightly, and she did the same.

After the shower, Syaoran turned the TV in the bedroom on to the movie they'd been watching earlier that evening. They watched absently, playing with each other's fingers, sipping on glasses of wine that Sakura had brought up from the kitchen.

Sakura fell asleep first, back leaning against the headboard and head lolling forward onto her chest. Syaoran ushered her into a supine position. He leaned on his elbow and looked at her for a long time in the dim light provided by the television. Her hair was everywhere, a wet tangled mess that she hadn't bothered with brushing after their shower. Her mouth hung open. He vaguely remembered with amusement that she had warned him that she was an "ugly sleeper."

Everything inside of him ached.

"Good night, Sakura." He kissed her forehead, turned off the TV, and closed his eyes.

"I'd never have taken you for someone who would get drunk on a plane."

"Bite me."

Syaoran chuckled as a waitress brought over a pot of tea, several teacups, and, much to Sakura's amusement, a large Bloody Mary.

"Thank you," Syaoran murmured to the waitress, who nodded and walked away after a pointed glance at Meiling.

"They really do it all here, don't they?" Meiling said, pulling the Bloody Mary from the edge of the table towards her and immediately biting an olive from a toothpick.

"I took one look at you at the airport and figured this was where we needed to take you," Syaoran replied. He poured tea into Sakura's teacup and then his own.

Meiling gave an apologetic look to Sakura. "I'm usually a lot more professional than this. It's not in my business to get wasted on a twelve-hour flight."

Sakura shook her head. "No, I—no judgment here. I'm sure you've been really stressed."

Meiling smiled as she took a sip out of her cocktail. "Just a little."

Sakura glanced around the restaurant in which they sat. Syaoran hadn't taken her here before, but she suspected it was a frequent haunt of Meiling's whenever she was here, based on her knowledge of the menu and the fact that Syaoran had asked the cab driver to take them here from the airport without a word from Meiling. They'd been seated on the largely empty second floor, which had a picture-window view of downtown London and a large sliding door to a patio that had been closed off for the season.

"So, first things first," Meiling said, placing the now half-empty cocktail glass down and adjusting her glasses, "I apologize for ruining your vacation and coming here on such short notice."

For someone who was nursing a hangover, Sakura thought, she still looked remarkably sharp—dark hair tied back in an effortlessly loose bun, red lipstick drawing away from the dark circles beneath her eyes, a large grey scarf pulling together an outfit that was definitely designed for comfort over style, but looked the opposite.

"You didn't ruin—" Sakura began.

"You're sweet to lie, but of course I did," Meiling sighed. "I'm sure my coming here feels like the signal that the quiet period is skidding to a stop."

Sakura felt Syaoran's eyes on her. She nodded once, almost imperceptibly.

Meiling smiled. "It's okay to admit it."

Sakura nodded more emphatically and laughed in spite of herself.

"To be honest with both of you," Meiling said, looking somberly at both of them now, "I'm not sure what I'm here for, but that never spells good things to me."

Syaoran's eyebrows disappeared under his hair. "What?"

"Matsura asked me to go meet you and said he'd conference call us today. I asked him why I couldn't just do a three-way call, and he said he'd rather I be with you when we talk."

Sakura looked over at Syaoran now, whose brow was furrowed as he held a hand to his lips, one elbow leaning on the arm of the chair in which he sat and his eyes focused on some random spot on the table. She knew he had to be rifling through every possible scenario this could entail.

"Look, it might not be anything at all," Meiling said softly.

Syaoran glanced up at her, although his head did not move. "You really think that?"

Meiling sucked in her cheeks. "No."

Syaoran ran a hand through his hair and then slumped back in his chair a little bit. "I know you've been shielding us a lot, Meiling, and I really appreciate it. But just so I can get an idea of what this is about—how bad has it been over there?"

Meiling's eyes darted between Syaoran and Sakura. "Do you really want to know?"

Syaoran turned to Sakura. "Meiling and I can talk about this somewhere else, if you want," he said softly.

Even through the storm in his eyes, Sakura saw that tenderness there she'd seen the night before. It made her want to hold his head against her chest.

Sakura shook her head. "It's okay."

"You're sure?" Meiling said, although it sounded like she was talking to both of them.

Syaoran's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "Yeah. Let's hear it."

"It's not as bad as it could be," Meiling began, "but things are pretty shitty. It's one thing for the print media to come out with salacious pieces and speculation, but there's no limitation or control to how the internet reacts. People are vicious, and they react to viciousness with more viciousness. Sakura—when you go back to Japan, I think things are going to be rough for you and you'll need to lie low for a little while. Unfortunately, that means you probably can't get involved in journalism or publication or anything where your name appears on the byline for some time. But, I can help you through this."

Sakura felt as if her stomach had dropped to the ground floor of the building, but she nodded. This was something she'd expected, something she'd thought about every night since they'd gotten here before she fell asleep, so at the very least, it wasn't a surprise.

"Syaoran... You know how it goes," Meiling murmured. "Matsura and I are trying our best, but people just can't understand it. They don't know her. From the outside looking in—no offense, Sakura—you look like you got swept off your feet by some cute girl who's really just a floozy looking for your money. You look dumb and vapid and careless right now in their eyes. And it doesn't help that Mizuki is still such a public darling."

Syaoran opened his mouth and then closed it. Sakura felt it, too—the punch in the gut from which Meiling had tried her best to shield them—and knew that there was no getting around the truth of all of it.

"Sorry," Meiling said weakly. Sakura knew their expressions must have been terrible from the way Meiling bit her lower lip and knitted her brows together.

Syaoran shook his head. "Thanks for giving it to me straight."

His phone buzzed then, and Sakura could have made one guess as to who it was. He looked at Meiling. "Matsura's calling."

He slid his thumb across the screen to answer and held the phone to his ear. "Matsura, hi." His eyes fell to the tablecloth again, and under the table, Sakura felt his fingers brush over hers. She grabbed his hand and squeezed it.

"Yes, she's here—we picked her up from the airport a couple of hours ago." He glanced over to Sakura. "We're doing fine. Thanks for asking."

Sakura looked over the table at Meiling, who was looking at Syaoran with the watchful gaze of an older sister. It struck her again how difficult this had to have been for her.

"We—I thought we were doing a conference call, no? Oh—uh, yeah. Sure. I can do that. One second." Syaoran's chair scraped against the floor as he stood up.

Meiling began to stand up as well, and Syaoran shook his head.

He held his hand over the end of the phone. "Actually, Matsura says he'd like to talk to me alone." There was worry in his voice, but he shrugged, looking entirely too casual. "It'll be fine. I'm sure."

Meiling looked positively anxious now. It was not a look Sakura had ever seen on her face before, and it was unsettling. "Are you sure?"

Syaoran nodded. He let his fingers trail Sakura's jawline for a moment as he looked at her. "It'll be fine," he repeated. He walked over to the patio and stepped outside.

Sakura and Meiling looked at each other with wide eyes for a tense moment, neither knowing what to say. Sakura's heart was pounding in her throat now. She knew it could not be anything good, but she kept hearing these wild hopes sprinting across and over her anxious thoughts—maybe it really will be fine, maybe he's calling with good news that he wants Syaoran to share with the rest of us, maybe none of this will be so bad after all…

"Hey," Meiling said, and she reached a hand across the table to touch Sakura's.

Sakura jumped in her seat a little, brought back down by the touch. She hadn't realized how far into herself she'd retreated in those few seconds.

"You're really pale." Meiling slid her Bloody Mary across the table. "Want to finish this? It'll take the edge off."

Sakura smiled and took the drink, glad to do something with her hands, and took a sip. The spice and smoke of it had been watered down in the last few minutes by the melting ice, but the coldness of the drink grounded her nonetheless.

"Thanks," Sakura said. "I—I'm sure it's nothing."

Meiling watched her wordlessly as she continued to sip.

"It's something, isn't it?" Sakura whispered.

Meiling paused, looking off to the side for a moment, and then she nodded. "Probably." She shook her head. "But it's not life or death. No matter what, you will still have your family, and the clothes on your back, and whatever happens, I will help you every step of the way."

"Thank you," Sakura said, overwhelmed by the conviction and kindness in Meiling's voice. She tried to ignore the screaming realization that she hadn't mentioned Syaoran in the list of things that would remain in her life in the aftermath of this.

Syaoran walked back into the room, sliding the balcony door shut quietly behind him.

Meiling's spine immediately straightened as she tensed up. "What'd he say?"

Sakura looked up to see that Syaoran's face was pale, expressionless. Her stomach dropped.

"The, uh…" Syaoran rubbed the back of his neck. "The album's been scrapped. Matsura's contemplating a cancellation of my contract."

That's it for chapter 26! I know it's been an extremely long time coming. Thank you to everyone for tuning in, continuing to review, and messaging me on tumblr with questions and encouragement about the story. Now that I'm a little older and removed from the person I was when I started this fic, there are so many things I wish I could go back and tweak, and a lot of times, that makes me feel discouraged in continuing or finishing this story. But the knowledge that there are people out there who really enjoy reading this (along with my own attachment to this plot and these characters, of course) have kept me going, and I really can't thank you enough.

I know the last chapter had hinted at some sort of intimacy between Sakura and Syaoran, and I waffled a LOT between including a sex scene between them. In the end, although I was nervous about writing one and I'm not entirely happy with what I wrote, I think I'm more satisfied that they had sex after all. For me, it lends a sense of closure for what's to come in the next chapters. (Don't worry! This story will have a happy ending! I promise!)

Please leave reviews and message me on my ficblr (boreum-dal) if you have any questions, additional comments, or concerns! Thanks as always for reading!

Love,

boreum-dal