Chapter Fourteen: The Choice

A march down the aisle may very well be the longest walk any young lady ever takes. It does not simply cover the length of the church, but rather, countless floors for dancing and meandering paths for every afternoon promenade too. It is a wonder, then, that feet do not tire or, heaven forbid, trip under the scrutiny of all those attentive eyes keeping close watch, indeed.

Letty had a hard time sewing with a bruised hand. She groaned as cook placed a raw steak on the bruises as Helena gave her a sympathetic look.

"You said a door closed on your hand?" Helena asked.

"I always wonder who would win in a fight; me or a door," Letty joked. "Guess I finally got my answer."

"Viscount Bridgerton is here to see you, Miss Letitia," George announced, entering the kitchen. "He is in the sun room."

"Thank you, George," Letty nodded. "Have you found a new lady's maid for me now that Elsie and Donny are getting married?"

"A woman named Sophie," George nodded. "Elsie is training her now. She hasn't been a handmaid before, just a regular maid. She was fleeing her previous family when Elsie ran into her and convinced her to come here instead. They returned to her previous family to gather her things and she is now in Elsie's old room while Elsie is in a spare until the day she leaves."

"Thank you, George," Letty nodded, standing and passing the steak back to cook before dipping her hand in water and drying her hand on a towel.

Letty went to the sunroom, smiling to Anthony when she saw him.

"I wished to speak about what you shared with me last night," he told her. "We were interrupted by my siblings."

"One of which was my rather jealous fiancé," Letty laughed, sitting beside Anthony. "We don't need to discuss it. I'm sorry for crying all over you."

"You can cry all over me whenever you wish," Anthony told her.

The two were quiet for a moment, neither sure what to say.

"Are you alright, Letitia?" Anthony finally broke the silence.

"I think so," Letty sighed. "It varies from day to day, honestly. Some days, I only remember the mother who smiled and laughed and held me as if I were precious. Other days, I can only cower in a corner as I think of the woman who told me I was a disappointment and that I deserved nothing, that would throw glass and scratch me with her nails or beat me with a belt."

"She beat you with a belt?" Anthony gasped.

"I have scars across my back," Letty nodded. "It was strange though. I always separated the two different versions of my mother. When she was feelings well, she was my loving mother. When she wasn't, I learned to just stay out of her way. It made it easier to be with her during the good days if I thought of them as separate people."

"Do you miss her?"

"I miss the good days," Letty nodded. "I miss when she would lay in the grass with me at night and look up at the stars, something I now do with you and your siblings, apparently."

Letty and Anthony both chuckled.

"Have you spoken to the Sharmas?" Letty asked hesitantly.

"I spoke to Kate this morning," Anthony admitted. "I will marry Edwina. She did not know what Kate had done and Kate did try to stop me from courting her sister on multiple occasions."

"Did she?" Letty smirked. "I hadn't noticed."

"Cheeky," Anthony smirked.

"So, I need to get the swelling in my hand to go down so that I may finish her dress?" Letty smirked.

"May I?" Anthony asked, reaching for Letty's hand.

Letty allowed Anthony to take Letty's hand, looking it over now that it was light. He frowned, flinching slightly at the bruises on Letty's skin. He looked into Letty's eyes.

"I shall make sure that no one ever leaves bruises on you again," Anthony told her. "You have my word."

"Thank you," Letty whispered. "As I said, it is fine. It'll heal in no time."

"Do you need help with the dress?" Anthony questioned.

"You are not to see Miss Edwina's dress until she is walking down the aisle towards you," Letty informed him.

"I meant that I could go to Madame Delacroix and ask her to assist you until your hand heals," Anthony stated.

"Oh, yes. Please go get my fiancé's ex-mistress to assist me. That'll go well," Letty smirked.

"Fine. I can look for someone else," Anthony sighed. "I shall inform you once I find a helping hand."

"Was that a joke?" Letty gasped.

"It was not meant to be," he admitted with a sigh.

"It should have been. It was quite funny," Letty grumbled before smiling. "Thank you."

"No need to thank me. I'm the one who injured you. The least I can do is help with your projects for my wedding."

Letty saw Anthony out and headed to her work room. She used her left hand to sew, being extra careful in the process, everything taking longer with the hand she didn't use as often. Two days later, Anthony called on her again, an older woman standing with him.

"I found you a helper," Anthony announced. "Miss Taylor, this is my sister, Letitia. She is a modiste, but as you can see, her hand is injured and she needs help with my fiancé's wedding gown. Letitia, Miss Taylor has been sewing for over thirty years now. Much experience. I shall leave you to it."

"Lovely to meet you, Miss Taylor," Letty smiled.

"You as well, Miss Bridgerton."

Letty didn't bother correcting her.

"This way, please," Letty smiled, leading Miss Taylor away. "Miss Edwina, Anthony's fiancé, is from India. It is to be a traditional dress from that area. I have plenty of sketches and notes for us to reference, though I'm sure you will be able to see the greater picture once you see what I have already completed. The veil and shawl are complete. I have the fabric stitched together for the gown. I'm just adding in the jewels now. The silk and lace are a bit fragile though, so it'll be careful fingers, something that I am currently having issue with."

"What did happen to your hand?" Miss Taylor asked.

"A door closed on it," Letty almost believed her own lie at that point.

The dress was done in a week, Letty smiling brightly at Miss Taylor's work.

"It is beautiful!" Edwina gasped, trying it on as Letty and Miss Taylor each looked the dress over. "Thank you, Letty! I adore it!"

"You look beautiful, Bon," Kate smiled, seeming a bit sad to Letty.

"It's a perfect fit," Letty smiled gently. "Completely finished."

"It is more than I could have imagined, Letty. Thank you," Edwina had tears in her eyes.

The dress was put into a large box and placed into the carriage with Kate and Edwina, Letty smiling as they left. She thanked Miss Taylor repeatedly before Miss Taylor left with a happy smile. The morning of the wedding, Letty walked into Bridgerton house, dressed in her finest lilac dress as Sophie and Elsie followed behind her.

"Born ready, in fact," Anthony's voice greeted her. "Ah. Letty has arrived. Shall we?"

Letty took Benedict's offered arm and she could smell the liquor on him. She did her best to ignore it, just following along as Anthony and Violet led the family out of the home and towards the carriages. After listening to Hyacinth and Gregory argue over who was riding with Letty, she ended up leaving Benedict's side to take a carriage with both the youngest Bridgertons, smiling as she shooed them into the carriage. Benedict watched her with a fond smile before climbing into the carriage with Colin, Eloise, and Francesca.

Once they reached the castle, Letty led the youngest children inside and towards the private room that Anthony was given to wait in. She kept them from arguing and chasing one another, Gregory still holding Hyacinth's ribbon that he'd somehow re-snatched when they reached the room. Letty got the ribbon, fixing Hyacinth's hair herself before looking to Anthony and fixing his bow as Violet led everyone except Letty, Anthony, and Benedict from the room.

"Thank you, Letty," Anthony whispered, more nervous than he was letting on.

"It is alright to be nervous on one's wedding day," she whispered to him. "In fact, it means you're normal."

"Will you be this nervous when you marry Benedict?" Anthony questioned, voice just as hushed as hers.

"If he smells like he does now, I will leave the wedding," Letty growled out.

"What are the two of you whispering?" Benedict questioned, throwing an arm over Letty.

"I was telling Anthony that, as a viscount, he should know how to tie a bow without it being crooked by now," Letty smirked, untying the bow and retying it so it wouldn't sit to the left before scoffing under her breath. "Honestly."

Anthony and Benedict chuckled when Letty turned to Benedict, doing the same to his bow.

"Even Gregory tied his bow without fault. You are grown men. What is your excuse?" Letty smirked.

"Well, my dear, I am not entirely sober," Benedict admitted.

"I had no idea," Letty rolled her eyes. "The least you could have done was been sober for your brother's wedding, you know?"

"It'll be far more fun this way," Benedict insisted, boyish smile in place.

"Ridiculous," Letty sighed. "Now, where is Daphne?"

"Sister!" Benedict greeted with a wide smile as Daphne walked in. "You are late."

"Well, in truth, I was delayed by doubts about whether the festivities of this day might or might not take place," Daphne said, staring Anthony down.

"Does the duchess not care for your bride, Brother?" Benedict gasped.

"I find Miss Edwina to be quite lovely and deserving of the truth, which we must not deny her," Daphne stated and Benedict chuckled before looking between Anthony, Letty, and Daphne.

"I'm confused. Who is denying what to whom?" he asked

"Benedict, you must excuse us. It seems the duchess has opinions," Anthony stated.

"But I wish to know…" Benedict began.

"Come along, love," Letty smiled, taking Benedict's hand. "Let's give the people of the ton something to whisper about."

Letty pulled Benedict to a private room before pulling him down into a kiss. Benedict hummed at the feeling of Letty's lips on his, hands caressing her cheeks. His hands traveled down her body, gripping her tightly and causing her to moan against his mouth.

"I've missed you," Letty admitted as Benedict kissed down her throat.

"And I you," he told her, pushing her against the wall. "I've missed your smile, your laugh, the taste of you. It is all I have been able to think of. Distracts me completely throughout the day when I am supposed to be learning."

"I do hope the distractions are not getting the best of you," Letty laughed before gasping, moaning Benedict's name softly as his hand finally worked her skirt up and his fingers found her center.

"I wish to have you right here, right now," Benedict whispered.

"We cannot miss your brother's wedding," Letty told him.

"Then I best make this quick," Benedict smirked before lifting Letty and placing her on the lounge chair in the room.

He moved her gown up and her underwear to the side. He pulled himself from his trousers and slowly slid into Letty, causing her to gasp and moan as he began moving in and out of her. It was better than she remembered, feeling full and complete with Benedict moving against her. Benedict just watched Letty as she fell apart beneath him. He felt her tighten around him and could not hold back, unable to pull back as he came inside of her. After a few harsh breaths, Letty realized what had just happened.

"That is not ideal," she breathed out, still trying to catch her breath.

"We'll need to marry as soon as possible," Benedict whispered.

"None of that," Letty rolled her eyes. "We shall wait a month to see if I get my monthlies. If not, we'll marry. If I do, we shall wait."

Benedict slowly pulled out of Letty and she whimpered at the loss of contact, causing him to chuckle lightly as he fixed himself. He helped Letty stand, fixing her dress and hair before they snuck out of the room and into the main area where everyone was gathered. Benedict took his place, Anthony joining him a few minutes later and looking Letty over to make sure nothing seemed amiss. Letty just gave him a soft smile from her spot beside Eloise as music began playing.

Everyone stood and Kate began walking down the aisle in her lilac dress. Letty looked to Anthony, seeing how his eyes could not leave Kate as she walked towards him and Letty had to hold in a groan of frustration at the sight. Anthony was making a mistake. Nothing Letty said would convince him to make the right one at this point though.

Edwina came out next and gasps could be heard at the sight of her in her wedding gown. Letty glowed with pride at what she had created, seeing how beautiful Edwina looked in the gown. She smiled brightly before looking to Anthony again. Her smile faded slightly as they were all seated.

"Dearly beloved, we are gathered together here in the sight of God, and in the face of this congregation, to join together this man and this woman in holy matrimony. And therefore, it is not by any to be enterprised, nor taken in hand, unadvisedly, lightly, and wantonly, to satisfy men's carnal lusts and appetites, like brute beasts that have no understanding…"

Letty tuned the archbishop out to stare at Anthony. He was looking at Edwina, then looking at Kate before looking to Edwina again. His attention kept returning to Kate and he slowly turned his head, looking to his family, to Letty as if asking for help. Letty gave him a sorry look, not sure what to do for him in the moment.

"My lord," the archbishop demanded Anthony's attention and he turned back, eyes falling on Kate again before Edwina spoke up.

"The archbishop would like you to repeat, my lord, after him," she stated, and Anthony nodded.

"Yes, of course. I, Lord Anthony Bridgerton…"

Kate's bracelet fell off then, hitting the ground and pulling attention. Kate and Anthony both bent down quickly, reaching for the bracelet. Their eyes met and the intense staring continues.

"Allow me," Anthony whispered, voice soft as he handed the bracelet back to Kate before they both stood back in their places.

"Might I continue?" the archbishop questioned.

"My apologies," Kate and Anthony said together.

"Viscount, repeat after me."

"I… Miss Edwina, are you…"

"I need a moment," Edwina stated, turning and rushing out of the room.

Letty knew in that moment that Edwina now knew what the eldest Bridgerton children had already figured out. She watched as Edwina ran out, her mother and then Kate following. Letty looked to Anthony and he left as well, the Bridgertons and Letty following close behind him as he went to the private room that had been made up for him.

"Does this have anything to do with our dinner with the Sheffields?" Violet questioned once the door was closed. "Or perhaps some even greater issue has come to pass that we must discuss, Anthony?"

"Miss Edwina is simply agitated. She will come to her senses," Benedict insisted.

"Miss Edwina does seem to have a delicate constitution," Colin nodded. "Perhaps fresh air will be just the thing."

"Flask?" Benedict offered to Anthony, just for Anthony to glare at him before resuming his bit of pacing.

"Perhaps the archbishop's talk of lifelong covenants overwhelmed her," Eloise stated. "Perhaps she realized that marriage is, in fact, a prison for women."

"Ugh. Must you be so… you?" Colin asked Eloise.

"Perhaps she decided she must change into a different dress," Hyacinth offered.

"Absurd. She looked beautiful. Besides, Letty made that dress," Francesca defended.

"Perhaps we should allow Anthony a little respite," Letty spoke up, trying to silence everyone. "Is that what you need, Anthony?"

Anthony took a deep breath, looking around the room before his eyes landed on Daphne. The two stared at one another for a long moment, Violet looking between the two, before Anthony looked to Letty.

"Precisely," he nodded, tilting his head as a way of asking her to follow him.

Letty and Anthony left quickly, leaving everyone else behind. They found themselves in front of the door that led to Edwina's private area. Anthony knocked lightly, waiting until Mary answered the door.

"Lord Bridgerton. Miss Letitia," Mary gasped.

"Lady Mary," Anthony greeted. "I was hoping to speak with Miss Edwina."

"Of course," Mary nodded, allowing them into the room.

"Lord Bridgerton," Edwina looked to have been crying. "I am quite certain this delay is rather unexpected."

"Indeed," Anthony nodded. "But I must ask if it is, in fact, a delay and nothing more?"

"I am considering what more there may be regarding our courtship and those involved with its… interference."

Edwina glanced at Letty at the last part and Letty stood straighter, not sure what she'd done exactly.

"I know you may think that we…"

"Please. Tell me you did not come here to offer me more lies or half-truths, my lord. Not when you bring your guard dog to my room. At least offer me that."

Edwina's words hurt and Letty took a half step back, shocked.

"I am intent upon this marriage. The very fact that we have arrived at this day with whatever interference there might have been should be proof enough," Anthony stated.

"Indeed," Edwina laughed sarcastically. "Yet I still wonder whether is it the marriage or me that you truly want."

"It is both," Anthony insisted. "Miss Edwina, I have never wavered in my intentions since the first moment of our meeting. It was clear to me then, as it is now, that what we share is greater than all else."

"And what is it that you believe we share?"

"Our places. Our roles. They align. I, as a viscount,. You, as the diamond. Neither by our own choice. We are yoked to each other in that respect. It is why I never gave up pursuing you, even when some thought me a fool to continue. It is why I was not swayed by the insults of the Sheffields or your lack of dowry."

"Because you love me?" Edwina questioned and Letty closed her eyes.

"I understand you. I sympathize with you. In a certain light, I am you. We do not have the luxury of choice. We cannot escape our roles. But married, we may face these difficulties together."

"And what of my sister? What role will she play between is in the future?"

"The thorn easily removed from the blossoming flower of our lives," Anthony answered and Letty's eyes flew open, staring at Anthony in shock. "She shall have no place in our future. Once we marry, she will return to India, as she wished. And you and I will be free of her."

"And that is what you wish?"

"That is what I know. The great distance between us will only bring you and I closer. But that future is only possible if you decided today… to marry me."

"I have been told what my future will look like more times than I now wish to admit, my lord. But I am no fool. I know the scandal that would ensue should the two of us fail to see this through now. But I cannot find that reason enough. I require a moment to think on my future, indeed. But only in the way that I might now imagine it, you must understand."

"Of course," Anthony nodded. "Of course, I do. We shall leave you now."

Anthony led Letty out of the room and they both took a few deep breaths before Anthony caught sight of Kate and ran after her. Letty followed closely, standing outside the door so they could speak without interruption. After a few minutes, Anthony strode out of the closet, taking Letty's arm and leading her away.

"Hurting me," Letty told him through grit teeth and Anthony released her immediately.

"I am sorry," he breathed, leaning against a wall. "I am sorry. I should have listened. To you, to Daphne, to everyone. Now I've ruined everything. And in front of the queen no less."

"You ruined nothing but your own heart," Letty told Anthony, rubbing his arm gently. "That can be remedied now, though."

"You told me that searching without love involved was a terrible decision," Anthony whispered.

"You deserve the happiness and love that your parents shared," Letty stated. "I only met your father a few times, but he was a wonderful man. I see so much of him in you. I just wish you saw it as well. I wish you would not be so closed off with everyone."

"I am not closed off with you," Anthony stated.

"Yes, well, I'm a special case," Letty smirked. "I've been told so by multiple Bridgertons and Penelope that now."

"You are," Anthony gave a soft smile before sighing. "How do I fix this?"

"What do you want to do?" Letty asked. "Do you wish to marry Edwina?"

"I'm not fond of what she said of you," Anthony offered. "I knew finding a wife who would help to look after you would be a challenge but I truly thought you and Edwina were friends."

"I did, too," Letty whispered.

"And after you defended her to the Sheffields."

"She is simply upset after discovering your feelings for her sister. I will speak to her once everything has calmed. We will be alright."

"She called you a dog, Letty," Anthony growled out.

"She called me a guard dog," Letty corrected. "Not much different but still. Come. Let's find your family. I'm sure they're all rather confused and worried."

At the end of the day, there was no wedding. Letty and Penelope fell onto her bed, laying in the almost dark room and whispering back and forth as they explained everything that they had heard to one another through the day. Letty groaned at the thought of Eloise sneaking off to visit with Theo Sharpe and Penelope gasped at hearing of Edwina's words to Anthony and of Letty. The two fell asleep holding hands, both plagued by dreams where Eloise or Anthony and Kate were discovered. Letty's dreams settled as a baby came to mind instead, Benedict's smiling face as he held a small blanket in his arms.

It is a distinctly human act to marry. Animals require no contracts or dowries. The hen and the rooster make no vows. Leave it to people to complicate matters with their ceremonies and their cakes. Is it not a wonder that anyone marries at all? Indeed, some may call a wedding the ultimate act of faith. While others would venture that it is the ultimate act of fools eagerly awaiting two words: "I do."

Bride and groom declare intention alone, with no guarantee of happiness. Marriage amounts to little more than human ritual. We may not force the rooster or hen, yet we continue to collect eggs. Does that make us more complicated, or simply stubborn to believe that we must orchestrate what nature has already ordained?