Chapter 36

Jaina hurried down the hall. "Hey, A! Wait up!"

Ahsoka stopped and looked back, her blue eyes downcast. "Oh, hey, Jaina," she said with a small, forced smile.

Jaina moved closer, pausing for a few moments. "…Company?" She asked softly, offering a smile. "We could go and get some ice cream or something?"

Ahsoka let out a small sigh, her shoulders drooping. "I don't know…I just…I don't know if I want to even do anything right now," she said, her voice low and dejected. "I just want to wallow in self-pity for the rest of the night, thanks."

The Togruta Padawan's words were both dramatic and sarcastic as usual, but she still sounded as if she was only half kidding.

Jaina shrugged, gently nudging her shoulder with her own. "Might be better to wallow over some mint chocolate chip…"

"You do have a point…" Ahsoka huffed a soft laugh through her nose. "Alright," she relented after a moment, her eyes drifting up. "But you're paying."

Some time later, Jaina and Ahsoka found themselves in Monument Plaza. The two Padawans climbed on top of a table, their feet dangling above the ground.

Jaina took a small lick of her vanilla ice cream cone, the cold treat a welcome relief from the humid Coruscant air. "What do you think?" she asked softly.

Ahsoka looked down at her own mint chocolate chip. "About what?" she replied, her voice lacking its usual spark. "The mission? The Council's decision? Or how good this ice cream is?" She managed a small, wry smirk, taking a bite of her cone. "Because if it's about the ice cream, I'd say it's pretty good."

Jaina returned the smile, grateful to see even this tiny bit of her usual spirit. "All of the above?" she teased back, taking another small lick of her ice cream. "But mostly…how are you feeling?"

Ahsoka sighed, her shoulders slumping. "I feel…lost," she admitted quietly. "I thought I was doing the right thing, following Anakin's teachings. You know how he never gives up. He does whatever it takes to win, no matter the cost, and he always wins. But now…I'm not so sure."

She poked at her melting ice cream with her spoon. "It's all so confusing sometimes. Anakin tells me to take risks, to stand firm. No matter what. Even his training methods are insanely…unorthodox, at times…but it's always about never yielding, never backing down. And when I do exactly that—I get in trouble for it."

Jaina frowned slightly. "…unorthodox? What do you mean?"

Ahsoka's face darkened, her eyes narrowing as she sensed Jaina's confusion.

The Togruta Padawan shifted uncomfortably, her shoulders tensing as she realized she may have said too much. "It's nothing, forget I said anything," she muttered, shaking her head and sighing. "How are we supposed to do it, J? How do we balance being a good Padawan and a good soldier?"

Jaina sighed deeply, swirling mindlessly at her ice cream as she lowered her gaze to the grass beneath their dangling feet. Her mind replayed its own vivid memories of the explosions, the burning trees, the screaming troops.

"…I don't know…" she murmured softly. "I've honestly been thinking about that too…after we lost so many men…and destroyed so much of the Felucian forests…"

Her words came haltingly, each phrase following a small pause as she struggled to articulate her tumultuous thoughts. "We're supposed to be peacekeepers, and yet…we left the planet in a much worse state than it was before we arrived. I've…been trying to come to terms with that question too. I force myself to look at the bigger picture."

The warm Coruscant night enveloped them, with the distant hum of speeders and the twinkling of stars above creating a peaceful backdrop to the otherwise painful conversation.

Jaina shrugged thoughtfully, leaning her head against Ahsoka's shoulder. "I guess all we can do is our best. Learn from our mistakes and strive to be better."

Ahsoka sighed, her shoulders slumping slightly under the weight of Jaina's head. "But how do we know what's right? Anakin always pushes the boundaries. He's saved so many lives, and won countless battles that way. But then the…" She trailed off, frustration evident in her voice. "Sometimes I feel like I'm being pulled in two different directions. Anakin tells me to trust my instincts, to always stand firm. But then when I do, I get in trouble for being reckless."

Her free hand clenched into a fist, her ice cream forgotten and beginning to melt. "I just want to be a good Jedi, and a good soldier. But it feels like those two things are at odds sometimes."

Jaina lifted her head, turning to face her fully. "I think…maybe that's the real test, A. Finding our own path between those extremes." She paused, gathering her thoughts. "Maybe it isn't just about following a set of rules blindly. It's about understanding the principles behind them, and applying them with wisdom and compassion."

Her small hand reached out, gently uncurling her friend's fist. "Maybe…maybe we need to learn from both Anakin and the Council. Take risks when necessary, but always be mindful of the potential consequences. Trust our instincts, but know when to temper them."

The smaller Padawan smiled softly, recalling her Master's words from mere days before, when explaining the balance between Soresu and Ataru. As usual—he had turned lightsaber lessons into life lessons.

"Patience, to inform when to use aggression."

Ahsoka listened intently, her lips curling into a frown as she absorbed every word. "I…I understand that," she said slowly. "In theory. But it's so hard sometimes. Especially in the heat of battle, when everything is happening so fast and there are a million different things going on at once. There's no time to think."

Jaina chuckled weakly. "It's ironic, I've been trying to…well, I've always seemed to have the polar opposite problem."

Ahsoka leaned back, planting her hands on the table, her earlier frustration seemed to fade, replaced by curiosity. "What do you mean, J?" she asked. "You always follow the rules to the letter."

Jaina's gaze dropped to her lap, her small hands fidgeting with the hem of her pale blue tunic. "I do, or at least I try to," she admitted. "But that's…that's the problem. I'm always so afraid of making a mistake—of disappointing Master Obi-Wan or the Council—that I sometimes…I freeze up. In battle, in lightsaber training, even in simple decisions like when he asks me what I want to eat for dinner."

She smiled. "You're one of the bravest people I know, Ahsoka. And maybe that's partly why we work so well together. You push me to be braver, and maybe…" Her lips curled into an admiring yet teasing smirk. "Maybe I help remind you to be a little more careful, sometimes."

Ahsoka couldn't help but laugh at that, rolling her eyes. "That's true. You're the brains," she teased, reaching over to poke one of Jaina's dimples. "I'm the brawn."

"We work together to find the balance between caution and boldness," Jaina agreed, nodding. She scooped up a hefty spoonful of her vanilla ice cream, her eyes twinkling with mischief. "In all things…even eating habits."

Without warning, she popped the enormous spoonful into her mouth, her cheeks puffing out comically as she attempted to contain the frozen treat. The sudden chill made her eyes water, but she stubbornly refused to spit it out, determined to swallow the oversized mouthful.

Ahsoka burst into a fit of giggles, her eyes wide as she watched her friend's struggle. "Jaina!" she managed, struggling to get the words out through her laughter. "You're going to give yourself a brain freeze! What happened to being careful?!"

The smaller Padawan made a muffled sound of protest, her face scrunching up as she struggled to swallow the massive glob of ice cream. After a moment of valiant effort, she finally managed to gulp it down, gasping over-dramatically for air.

"See?" Jaina wheezed, her voice slightly hoarse from the cold. She grinned, a smear of vanilla ice cream visible on her upper lip. "Sometimes you have to take risks…even if they're silly ones."

Ahsoka laughed, the tension from earlier melting away. "That was most definitely a ridiculous one."

Her chuckles trailed off as she noticed a group of civilian teenagers passing by, crossing the park and sitting down on a nearby bench. "Hey, J?" she said softly, turning back to her friend. "Have you ever wondered what it's like? Being a normal teenager, I mean."

Jaina followed Ahsoka's gaze, watching the group of girls laugh and chat, seemingly without a care in the world as their voices echoed across the plaza.

The small Padawan shrugged. "Not really. I mean, not since that undercover mission a few months back. Being a Jedi is all we've ever known."

She looked at Ahsoka, her expression a mixture of curiosity and uncertainty, her blue eyes searching her friend's face for answers. "…Have you?"

As they continued to observe the group of teenagers, the stark differences between their lives became increasingly apparent. The civilians were free from the burden of war, unaware of the sacrifices made by the Jedi to maintain peace in the galaxy.

"Sometimes," Ahsoka admitted quietly.

"I mean, I don't regret being a Jedi, don't get me wrong," she rushed to say. "But…sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we could just…go to school, have fun, just…have a life," she said, gesturing towards the group across the plaza.

After a moment of contemplative silence, she turned to Jaina, her blue eyes blazing in that distinct way that was both exhilarating—and terrifying.

"Uh-oh," Jaina muttered. "Not that look."

"You know what, J? Maybe we should try to experience a bit of that normalcy ourselves. What do you say we leave Monument Plaza and explore the city a bit?" Ahsoka grinned. "Just for tonight."

Jaina hesitated, her gaze flicking between the distant silhouette of the Jedi Temple and her wrist chrono. "My curfew's in an hour and a half—"

Ahsoka rolled her eyes dramatically. "Oh, come on! An hour and a half is plenty of time!"

She grabbed her friend's hand and pulled her off the table. "We can explore the lower levels, maybe even check out that new holo-game arcade I've heard about in the HoloNet. Master Kenobi won't notice if you're a little late."

"I don't know…" Jaina squirmed. "What if he stays up to wait for me, or—"

Ahsoka smirked. She knew her best friend was right. Master Kenobi would absolutely stay awake to see if his little one was safely tucked into bed.

He would absolutely notice if his Padawan was just one second off her curfew.

Jaina rolled her eyes and fidgeted with the soft fabric of her sleeves, letting out a deep sigh. "I don't like that look on your face. You just got in trouble with the Council for disobedience and insubordination, A!" She folded her arms across her chest. "Maybe you shouldn't be pushing things? Anakin would be furious with you if you arrived home late!"

"Come on! Live a little," Ahsoka pleaded, tugging gently on her sleeve. "We're already out past dinner time. What's another hour or two?"

The Togruta glanced around at the bustling nightlife of Coruscant, the neon signs and floating advertisements just outside Monument Plaza creating a spectrum of colors. "Just think about it—when's the last time we had a real adventure that didn't involve battle droids or war meetings?"

She gestured once more towards the group of girls, who were sharing some blue crispy snacks, and laughing at something on a datapad.

Jaina's hands twisted into the fabric of her soft blue tunic as she glanced back and forth between her friend, and the towering spires of the Jedi Temple in the distance.

The bright, colorful lights of Coruscant's nightlife made the white stone walls glow like beacons in the dark.

The Padawan sighed softly. She knew her Master would be waiting up for her—probably sitting in his favorite chair, with a cup of tea, watching the chrono tick closer and closer to curfew. "Ahsoka, we really should head back."

"You always do exactly as you're told," Ahsoka said, crossing her own arms. She pointed at the group of girls, who were taking photos of each other on their datapads and laughing.

A soft breeze ruffled Jaina's curly hair, making her instinctively reach up to adjust the ribbon, and shift it back to the center of her head. "Ahsoka…"

"Come on, J. One little adventure." Ahsoka's lips curled into a smirk. "If we get caught, we can just…flee to Tatooine."

Jaina's eyes widened at Ahsoka's suggestion, her mouth falling open in shock. "What—?!" she sputtered, her voice rising an octave. "We couldn't possibly—"

Ahsoka burst into laughter, the sound echoing across Monument Plaza and causing the girls on the nearby bench to turn and glance at them.

Jaina groaned, her cheeks warming as she covered her face with her hands.

"You should see your face right now!" Ahsoka teased, putting an arm around her smaller friend's shoulders. "I was kidding!"

Jaina swatted her hand away. "That was not funny!"

"It was a little funny," Ahsoka countered, bumping her shoulder against hers. "One hour of fun. We're responsible—literally—for thousands of lives on a daily basis. It's a little ridiculous that you need to be home by 9. Don't you think?"

She stood up from the table, holding out her hand to her shorter friend. "I promise you, we won't actually become outlaws."

Jaina narrowed her eyes, shaking her head as she took the extended hand and hopped off the table. "What exactly did you have in mind?"

"Don't worry about the details," Ahsoka said with a nonchalant wave of her hand. "Like I said, we can visit that new holo-arcade I read about. It's supposed to be two whole floors of stuff!"

"Which is where, A?"

"Not too far," Ahsoka said, shrugging. "It's in the entertainment sector…of the Uscru District."

Jaina's eyes widened in horror. "The Uscru District?! Ahsoka, have you completely lost your m—"

"Relax, J," Ahsoka cut in, waving a dismissive hand. "It's not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Besides, Anakin and I have been there a couple of times. There's this place with amazing nerfburgers. We never get mugged or anything."

"Probably because you've been going with a six-foot tall man," Jaina deadpanned. "Not to mention, Master Anakin's expression alone is enough to deter any approach."

"Well, we are a couple of highly trained Padawans," Ahsoka retorted. "Seriously, J, we can handle ourselves. Besides, what's the worst that could happen?"

"You don't even want to know my answer to that question," Jaina drawled, sighing dryly and looping her own arm around her friend. "The last thing Master Obi-Wan told me before granting me permission tonight was to make sure I didn't 'encourage' your 'defiance'…"

"…Oh, Force, I am so dead."