Chapter 38

Once they finally reached the front door to their quarters, Obi-Wan opened the door and gestured for his little Padawan to enter first.

The living room lights automatically activated, revealing two cups of now-cold tea sitting on the coffee table—clear evidence that the Jedi Master had, indeed, been waiting up for her return.

Jaina's expression fell. "Master, I—"

"I cannot believe you." As Obi-Wan closed the front door, the Jedi Master turned to face her, his voice uncharacteristically hard, firm, and cold.

"Master," Jaina muttered anxiously. "I promise you, I didn't mean to—"

"I am not done speaking, young one," he interrupted firmly, pointing to the couch. "Sit."

Jaina quickly scurried over to the sofa and sank into the cushions, her head low, her shoulders slumped, her gaze glued to the carpet as she struggled to figure out where to even—

"Sit up, Jaina."

Jaina shifted to the edge of the cushion, straightening her back to its usual rigid posture as she folded her hands neatly into her lap.

The usual cozy comfort of the light woods, and the potted plants, and the muted blue walls of the living room seemed to have lost all warmth. "Master, please, just let me—"

"Be silent and listen." Obi-Wan folded his arms, standing across from her. "For the past two hours, I have sat here, waiting for you to return. I have tried meditating, I have tried focusing on my work, all to no avail. The entire time, my mind has been with you—wondering why you still had not returned, considering the vast number of ways you could have possibly been harmed. I was this close to contacting the Coruscant Guard, Jaina!"

Jaina's fingers clenched into the couch, her throat tightening. "Master," she whispered. "I am so sorry, I am so so sorry…"

Obi-Wan took a deep, steadying breath, walking over to the window to gaze out at the Coruscant skyline, his hands clasped tightly behind his back.

The city's lights cast shadows across his face as he spoke again, his voice soft but still stern.

"You are not just my Padawan. You are a Commander in the Grand Army of the Republic. You are Second-in-Command of the Third Systems Army—your actions reflect not only on yourself but on the entire Jedi Order, on the army, do you understand that?"

"Yes!" Jaina choked out, her hands twisting anxiously into her tunic. "Of course! It's all I ever think about, you know that!"

Obi-Wan turned from the window to face her, his expression growing more concerned at her obvious distress.

The Jedi Master sighed heavily as he sank into the armchair across from her, leaning his elbows onto his knees. "Jaina," he said quietly. "Where exactly were you and Ahsoka tonight? What could have possibly been so important that you both ignored your communications and missed curfew?"

Jaina's shoulders hunched inward as she struggled to find the right words to explain. "I…didn't intentionally ignore my comms…I just…didn't hear them…while we were at…" She grimaced. "…an arcade…"

Obi-Wan narrowed his eyes. "…where?"

Jaina stiffened, bracing herself for her Master's wrath. "The…entertainment sector…of the Uscru District."

"The…Uscru District," Obi-Wan repeated slowly, his voice carrying a dangerous edge. "…One of the most dangerous districts on Coruscant. At night. Without permission or supervision."

The Jedi Master stood up from his chair once more, pacing the length of their living room as he processed this information, his temper once again flaring.

"Do you have any idea what kinds of criminals frequent that area after dark? What could have happened to you?!" He stopped pacing to face her directly. "You are fourteen years old, Jaina. Fourteen! You have no business being in the Uscru District at any time—that area is dangerous enough during daylight hours, let alone at night! What were you thinking?!"

His voice rose slightly with each word, causing the little Padawan to flinch. She'd never heard him raise his voice like that before…but it felt infinitely more horrifying than she could have ever fathomed.

Through their bond, Jaina could feel her Master's emotions shifting from anger to a deep concern.

Obi-Wan's expression darkened. "If any—any!— bounty hunters had matched your faces with the Separatist databases, do you have ANY idea what could have happened?!"

"We were being careful…" Jaina protested weakly, keeping her gaze on the carpet. "We…had our lightsabers and we—"

"—Do not," Obi-Wan snapped. "A lightsaber does not make you invincible, young one, and you very well know that."

The Jedi Master began pacing once more, his boots brushing against the carpet as he moved. "Do you know how many criminal organizations operate in that sector? The Black Sun, the Pykes, the Hutt Cartel? Did it occur to you that your lightsabers were a dead giveaway that you and Ahsoka are Jedi—targets! Not only targets but high-value targets! Do you have any idea how much your lightsabers alone would be worth on the black market, Jaina?! How much you would be worth?!"

He stopped in front of her, his normally kind eyes still blazing with anger. "You are Padawan to a High General in the Grand Army. The information you carry in your head is worth millions to our enemies! And now I learn you went there for what? To play games in an arcade?!"

Jaina winced, pressing her lips tightly together. "Master, I just…we just wanted to…"

Obi-Wan dropped back into his chair with a heavy sigh, rubbing his temples. "You are a gifted young Jedi, Jaina. I've seen you handle yourself brilliantly in the face of great danger more times than I can count, but this…" He shook his head with another deep exhale. "This was reckless beyond belief. Do you understand why I am so upset?"

Jaina nodded silently, lowering her gaze back to the carpet.

Obi-Wan leaned back in his chair, watching her carefully. "Not only did you put yourselves in danger, but you encouraged Ahsoka's defiant behavior right after her disciplinary hearing—after I explicitly told you to be mindful and not to encourage her defiance. I expected better judgment from you."

Jaina's small frame shrunk even further into the couch cushions as she struggled to find her voice. "…I'm sorry," she whispered, her voice barely audible in the quiet room. "I am so sorry, Master."

There was a long pause as the Jedi Master studied his little Padawan. She looked small and vulnerable, sitting there on the sofa, avoiding his gaze.

Obi-Wan knew her well enough to recognize her tells—the way she was hunched in on herself, her hands twisting in her lap, the way she was clenching her jaw to hold back tears.

He let out a soft sigh, the hard edge in his voice softening. "Jaina," he said quietly. "I need you to tell me the truth. Was this Ahsoka's idea?"

Jaina stiffened, her palms growing even more moist against the fabric of her tunic. She squirmed slightly in the couch cushions.

Obi-Wan's gaze remained fixed on her face, studying her expression closely as he waited patiently for her response. He leaned forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees.

He could sense her internal struggle, her loyalty to her best friend battling against her respect for the truth.

But more than that, he could sense her fear, her anxiety, her shame.

His own fear and disappointment continued to swirl within him like a dark storm.

"Jaina," he repeated sternly. "I am not going to ask again. Was this Ahsoka's idea? I need to know."

Jaina shrugged wearily. "…It doesn't matter," she murmured, after a few silent moments. "It's…it's my fault. It was my fault."

Obi-Wan sighed softly. "While I appreciate your willingness to take responsibility, young one, I find it difficult to believe that you came up with this plan on your own." He leaned forward, his eyes never leaving her face. "Your dedication to protecting your friend is admirable, but, in this situation—misplaced. I am only trying to help you."

The distance between them felt vast, despite the small space of their living room.

Obi-Wan sighed once more. "You are grounded for the next two weeks. No recreational activities, no training with Ahsoka, no HoloNet except for GAR reports, and you are confined to our quarters except for class, deployments, or other Council-mandated duties."

Jaina's head snapped up. "But what about—"

"Three weeks," he interrupted. "Would you like to try for four?"

Through their bond, Jaina could feel that her Master's anger had cooled somewhat, but the disappointment remained a steady, aching presence.

…Somehow, that hurt infinitely more.

She sighed softly, shaking her head. "…no, Master."

"Good," Obi-Wan said quietly. "You will also spend the next three weeks in additional meditation sessions—one more hour each night before bed."

"Now go to your room." He rubbed at his temples once more. "It's late, we will discuss this further in the morning."

"Yes, Master," Jaina said quietly as she stood from the couch, focusing all her efforts on keeping her posture straight, as she lowered her head.

The weight of her Master's disappointment hung heavy in the air between them. She could feel the tension in his shoulders, the slight clench of his jaw that betrayed his lingering frustration. "…Good night."

She turned and scurried away towards her bedroom before either could have said another word.

Obi-Wan watched her retreating figure, his heart heavy.

He knew he had to be firm, he had to teach her the harsh consequences of her immensely dangerous actions. But still…

With a heavy sigh, he leaned forward in his armchair, his fingers gingerly massaging his temples as he gazed at the cold cups of tea on the table—the silent reminder of how their evening should have gone.

He could sense her fear and shame, her pain and her vulnerability. But he couldn't bring himself to comfort her just yet.

He needed time to process his own feelings first.

Hours later, unable to sleep still, Jaina sat silently in her bedroom. Her small form remained curled atop the bed, her back leaned against the headboard as she clutched Cocoa close to her chest.

The familiar comfort of her bedroom, the soft pink wallpaper she'd installed just after her first week, usually helped calm her anxiety. But tonight—even the cozy space felt insufficient. Even the plush Ewok's soft furs felt numbing in her arms as she stroked his head mindlessly.

Her eyes drifted to the small chrono on her desk.

01:27.

Next to her desk, her wardrobe stood, slightly ajar, the tunics inside steamed to crispness, and arranged by color. Beside the wardrobe, the bookshelves remained stiff and flawless, all books organized alphabetically, and sorted by category, as always.

A neat row of small stones she'd collected from every planet they'd visited sat perfectly aligned in the middle shelf. A rough, jagged ochre rock from Ryloth, a black pebble from Aargonar, an indigo gem she'd found in the caves of Orto Plutonia, a piece of rubble from Muunilinst, a fist-sized slab from Felucia, and several other oddly shaped stones.

All leading up to a small, iridescent pearl from the Murkhana shores.

Everything in the room had its proper place…except for her emotions.

Which were scattered and chaotic.

Jaina groaned softly, digging into her forehead with a thumb. The soft ache provided a brief respite from her swirling thoughts as very single moment of the entire evening continued to replay over and over and over again in her mind.

The familiar comfort of her bedroom seemed almost mocking, now. The soft pink walls, usually soothing, felt oppressive.

The perfectly arranged books and stones on her shelf seemed hollow reminders of her usual diligence and responsibility—aspects of herself that she had so thoroughly abandoned tonight.

"Stupid," she muttered. "Stupid, stupid, stupid."

Through the darkness of her bedroom, moonlight filtered in through the lush, periwinkle curtains, casting long shadows of the Coruscant skyscrapers across the floor.

She glanced at the collection of stones once more, each one a reminder of missions with her Master—missions where she had made him proud.

The silence echoed in her ears, deafening in the solitude of her own thoughts.

Instead, she had hurt him.

She'd hurt the one person who had always believed in her, had always protected her, had always been there for her—who was raising her as his own. And she'd hurt him—

Jaina frantically slipped under the blankets, pulling them over her head at the sound of footsteps outside her door.

Her heart pounded in her chest as she lay perfectly still, trying to steady her breathing by burrowing her nose into Cocoa's furs.

As Obi-Wan passed by his Padawan's bedroom, he paused mid-step, his footsteps faltering.

The Jedi Master could sense her restlessness through their bond, the storm of emotions swirling within her. Could practically hear her racing heartbeat, her ragged breaths, the slight rustle of blankets.

He stopped at her door, his hand hovering on the frame.

The handle turned with a soft click, and light from the hallway spilled into her darkened room as the door slid open slowly.

"Jaina?" Obi-Wan's voice was soft, gentler than before.

The Jedi Master stepped into the room, his shadow falling across her bed, where she continued to lay curled up beneath the covers. The silence stretched, broken only by her slightly uneven breathing.

He moved closer, settling on the edge of her bed. "My little one, I know you're awake."

The mattress dipped under his weight, and Jaina curled tighter into herself, clutching Cocoa closer to her chest.

"Come now, dearest, we need to talk about this properly." Obi-Wan reached out, his hand settling on her trembling shoulder. "I'm not angry anymore, Jaina. Just…worried. Very worried."

Her Master's voice carried that particular tone—the one that always made her feel both safe and guilty at the same time. The hand on her shoulder moved in small, comforting circles.

"Please come out from under there," The Jedi Master coaxed gently. "You know we always face our problems head-on, don't we?"

He carefully pulled the blanket lower, revealing a small, round face, reddened eyes, blotchy cheeks, and a scarlet nose.

"…but this time," Jaina mumbled tearfully. "…I'm the problem…"

The words hung heavy in the air between them.

Through their bond, Obi-Wan could feel the deep waves of shame and regret rolling off of her.

His hand moved from her shoulder to gently cup her cheek, tilting her face up to meet his concerned gaze. "Oh, dear one," he said softly, his thumb wiping away a stray tear. "You are not a problem. You made a mistake—a very serious one—but that does not make you a problem."

The moonlight streaming through the window cast long shadows across the bedroom floor as the Jedi Master shifted closer on the mattress, lying down atop the blankets, next to her.

"Do you remember what I told you when you first became my Padawan?" he asked, his voice gentle but firm. "I told you that we would face everything together—the good and the bad. That includes learning from our mistakes." He placed his hand on top of hers where it gripped the stuffed Ewok.

Jaina's fingers trembled slightly, tightening their grip on the furs. "I just…wanted to help Ahsoka feel better after her hearing with the Council…" she admitted quietly. "…because…there were so many others I couldn't help on Felucia…so many lives I lost…"

She lowered her chin atop Cocoa's head. "…but I think I also…I think I needed to…forget…for a while…"

Obi-Wan's heart sank. "Forget what?"

"Everything…" Jaina whispered, her voice cracking slightly. "The fighting, the war, the…the deaths…"

She closed her eyes tightly as more memories flooded back—the frantic shouts of her men on Felucia, the blood on her hands, the weight of command decisions that cost lives. Flint jumping in front the super battle droid.

She pressed her face into her knees. "The pressure…"

Obi-Wan's throat clenched at the pain in her soft voice, the trembling of her fingers, the haunted anguish in her eyes.

The Jedi Master wrapped an arm fully around her small form, tugging her closer against his side. "Dear one," he murmured into her hair. "You should have told me you were struggling. I'm here to help you carry these burdens, not watch you collapse under their weight."

"I didn't know I was…" Jaina murmured, her voice barely audible in the quiet of the room. "I just…all I knew was that I wanted to help Ahsoka feel better…since there were so many others…I couldn't…I just…needed one small victory."

"I know you did," Obi-Wan said, his voice soft yet firm. "You always try to help others."

The Jedi Master gently ran a hand through her tangled curls. "And while you did make poor choices—ones that put you in unnecessary danger—you wouldn't be my sweet little girl if you didn't do everything in your power to help."

He smiled gently, cupping her cheek. "And for the record—while I may have been disappointed in your actions tonight, I could never be disappointed in you."

He paused after speaking, his eyes growing more serious. "And I owe you an apology too."

"…what?" Jaina mumbled, rubbing at her reddened nose. "Why?"

"For not seeing that you were hurting," Obi-Wan said softly. "I've been so focused on the war, on my duties, that I failed to see how deeply it was beginning to affect you."

"And earlier tonight, I let my fear and my anger get the better of me. I should not have raised my voice at you. That was not the Jedi way, nor…nor was it how I ever wish to speak to you."

He paused for a moment, looking down at his small Padawan. "It is as I've told you before, my little one. Even Jedi Masters make mistakes. I was afraid…the thought of anything happening to you…"

His voice trailed off as he tugged her closer, sighing softly. "But that does not excuse my loss of control. I should not have shouted. I should not have gone on and on like that, and not given you the chance to speak. I should have guided you, and helped you process your own reasonings behind your actions. I…let my emotions cloud my judgment, my little one. And for that, I am sorry."

Jaina listened intently, eventually leaning into his side. "You wouldn't have gone through all that if I hadn't just…I'm sorry, Master—"

Obi-Wan pecked a small kiss to the top of her hair, his arms tightening around her slender frame. "Enough, darling. No more apologies. Believe it or not, I made my own fair share of foolish decisions not too long ago. I should have channeled Qui-Gon's patience tonight. I should not have yelled."

The silence hung heavy between them as the Jedi Master chose his next words, his own thoughts running rampant as he gazed down at the round, freckled cheeks, and the incredible little girl that had brought so much light into his life.

"…this isn't the life I would have wanted for you, you know."

Jaina sighed softly, her small form sinking into his side. "…I know."

Through their Force bond, Obi-Wan could feel her thoughts drifting to their shared memories. Meditation sessions in the Room of a Thousand Fountains, quiet evenings spent reading, or playing dejarik, even the simple joy of sharing tea and discussing Ancient Jedha philosophy in the middle of the night.

"That's precisely why I try to give you moments of normalcy—when I can," he said quietly, his hand moving to stroke her hair. "Why I insist we try different cuisines…why I try to continue the tradition of weekly holofilm nights when we're home…even those documentaries you insist on, with ridiculously obscure topics."

Jaina chuckled weakly. "I could have sworn I caught you dozing off last time…"

Obi-Wan smiled, his eyes twinkling with amusement. "Ah, I may have had my eyes closed, but believe me, I was just as deeply engrossed in the tale of the rare Doshian fungus as you were. I needed to close my eyes to focus my mind."

"Sure, you did." Jaina giggled.

The moonlight cast long shadows across the room as the Jedi Master shifted slightly on the bed, careful not to disturb Cocoa squished in between them on her lap.

"My own years as a Padawan were incredibly…different," Obi-Wan mused softly. "We had peacekeeping missions, yes. Diplomatic tensions and planetary skirmishes, certainly. But back then…Qui-Gon and I had time to just…be."

He looked down at her small form curled against him, his eyes filled with a deep sadness. "I know it's not much, but I do try to give you little pieces of normal Padawan life when I can, my little one."

"And I…I know I'm not always successful," he admitted quietly. "The war makes everything more complicated. But I…am doing my best. I want you to have good memories of our time together, not just…" He paused, searching for the right word. "…this."

Jaina shook her head vehemently. "You've given me everything I've ever needed and more, Master," she said quietly. "So, so much more."

Obi-Wan smiled lovingly, lowering his eyes and gazing at the little one in his arms. The kind, sensitive, selfless young lady he was helping mold into a Jedi Knight.

…and he could not be more proud.

Jaina chewed on her lower lip. "…oh, uh…Master?"

"Hmmm?" he hummed absentmindedly, lost in his own thoughts as he gazed out the window.

"There was…one more thing," Jaina mumbled, her ears flushing scarlet as she choked back a small, dry, sheepish chuckle.

"…there's a tiny chance an incident report might reach your desk tomorrow morning…see, funny thing is, we sort of did get attacked by bounty hunters there—BUT," she added quickly, seeing his jaw drop in shock and outrage, "we're fine, we're fine, we're fine, I promise!"