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Chapter 12: Shower Talks and Tours

"So," Chromia said as she started stripping her armor off in the showers. "Tell us about everything being so new to you."

My wings shifted slightly from where I sat on the counter, ankles crossed. I hesitated and glanced at Arcee. She gave me an encouraging look.

"It's ok, Shade'," Arcee said, looking a bit amused. "They're my sisters. And Elita's Optimus's sparkmate. We would know if they were shifters."

I chuckled nervously. "That's not why I hesitate and you know it," I said, grabbing a towel and lightly whipping it toward her.

"What? Are you some kind of shifter yourself or something?" Chromia asked, teasing.

My wings shifted, not sure what to make of that joke and how to apply it to how I felt right then.

"Shadebreaker dot exe does not compute," Arcee joked, seeing me trying to process.

"Heeyyy," I said slowly. "That's…true…but heyyy."

Chromia chuckled a bit, raising an optic ridge. "Come on, fembot," she said. "Whatever you have to say can't be that outrageous."

Arcee and I shared a look, which caused her sisters to share a curious look. Then I looked at them both seriously.

"Would you still say that if I told you I used to be human?" I asked. Then, deciding they were both likely to find out, I added, "Not only that, but I also happen to share CNA with none other than Vector Prime himself and that is why I have space-time portals?"

Chromia raised an optic ridge. "Ok, that does sound outrageous."

"Now Chromia, I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation," Elita admonished gently, but she looked uncertain.

"Shockwave is the explanation," Arcee supplied. "At least, part of it. Some details are unknown as of yet."

"And may never be known," I said, a little annoyed. "Unless my absent father deigns to come inform us of them or we stumble upon it or we hack into Shockwave's database someday and it contains those answers. Like, whether or not the CNA being related to Vector is because of his experiments or if it was a pre-existing condition. The latter of which would open up a whole slew of other questions that may never get answered." I sighed heavily. "Which is frustrating for an information hoarder such as myself." I motioned a bit dramatically.

Chromia chuckled a little and even Elita looked a bit amused.

"At least you can find some humor about it," Elita said softly.

"It's all I can do not to dwell on the negative points," I said quietly. "It's been several years since it began and several months since I arrived here, but it's still painful what I lost. Not a day goes by that I don't miss my old friends and family. I do not think that pain will ever go away. Humor at least provides some kind of positive outlet. If I can at least make someone smile, then continuing on is worth it to some degree. If I can do more to make a positive difference then all the more worth it."

"And that's why you dedicated yourself to the Autobots," Chromia said. "To make a positive difference."

"Try to, at least," I said.

We continued to talk and just enjoy each other's company while Elita and Chromia washed. They helped each other with their backs as Arcee and I had done and it made me miss my own sister as I watched them. They joked and had fun, but were very considerate of each other and it strongly reminded me of my sister and as much as I tried to push the thoughts of her away to focus on the present, they pressed on me more and more as the time passed.

"Hey," Arcee said softly, noticing my wings and expression had lowered significantly. "What's up?"

"Oh," I said and tried to give a reassuring smile. "I'm ok. Just…" I rubbed the back of my helm and motioned vaguely at Chromia and Elita, who I could tell were listening too. "Just missing my own sister a bit, I guess. It happens. I'll be ok. Such is life."

"We understand," Elita said, looking over to me with sympathy. "When we were separated, we missed each other all the time. We didn't know for sure that we'd see Arcee again."

"Yeah," Chromia said, looking contemplative. "We are at war, after all."

"You had a chance, though," I said quietly, trying hard not to let bitterness in my voice.

"Aw, femme," Chromia said, seeing that I was feeling bitter despite my efforts. "We didn't mean to be insensitive."

I raised a hand. "It's ok. Don't," I paused, flinching. "Don't take that to spark. I didn't mean to come off as bitter or angry. It's hard, but I appreciate the fact you still have each other. I would never begrudge you guys that. I would never wish you the same pain anymore than I would wish my sister the same pain I went through just so I could see her again. I have moments of weakness where I just feel angry about it, that's all, and I guess it slipped out. I'm sorry. It is not your fault and I should not take it out on you."

"It's not a weakness to feel angry about what Shockwave took from you," Elita told me, looking sympathetic.

"Yeah," Chromia said, understanding in both her tone and optics. "I'd be pretty pissed too."

"Yeah, you're right," I said. "But I still shouldn't let it affect how I treat those around me. I can always take it out on some poor, unsuspecting inanimate object."

Arcee chuckled. "Don't want to take it out on Shockwave?"

"I'd prefer never to see that mech again," I said, raising my optic ridges at Arcee, moving my torso away from her a bit.

"That's entirely fair," Elita said gently. "For your sake, I hope you don't have to face him."

"You might, though, if you go into the field," Chromia said.

"I know," I said quietly. "But I also cannot live my life in fear of what may happen. If I did that, I would've just not even made friends with anyone and lived as a hermit somewhere. Or not done literally, like, anything I have ever done in my entire life. Nothing worth doing is ever absent of something that is scary in some respect."

Chromia looked a bit impressed by my take on the matter and Elita smiled at it.

"I can see why Arcee likes you," Elita said. "And Optimus."

"I mean," I said, rubbing my helm sheepishly. "Optimus and Ratchet kinda had to remind me a little bit a while back. But tomayto, tomahto."

"What?" Elita asked, looking perplexed.

Arcee smirked a little bit and shared an amused look with me. Then I launched into an explanation of semantics and dialects in the human language, which Elita seemed to enjoy while Chromia looked awfully bored after about two minutes of it.

"As interesting as this conversation is," Elita said, seeing her sister had zoned out and was examining the tiles on the walls as she dried her legs. "We should move on before we lose Chromia entirely."

"Whoops," I said, chuckling. "I apologize. Language is not something I usually info-dump on."

"You probably don't usually have a captive audience for it," Chromia said, looking amused.

"Hmm, I once info-dumped about trees on my fiancée and trees are not a special interest of neither myself nor him," I said dryly. "I just info-dump sometimes. It's the way my processor works. Sometimes it's to fill the silence, sometimes it's just cause, sometimes it's cause of genuine interest in the topic from either myself or the other party."

Chromia chuckled at that. "And, let me guess, you have a bunch of information about non-interests because one of your interests is information hoarding."

"Yup," I said, grinning.

Chromia chuckled, amused.

"Believe it or not, language is actually one of my worst subjects once you leave the language of English," I said. "I struggle with new languages. I have made terrible progress with my Cy-Stan."

"That explains your voice leaving the chat," Chromia said, looking still more amused.

I looked sheepish at that.

"I can probably find time to help you if you would like," Elita offered, holding out a hand to me, palm up.

I held out my own hand, palm up as well. "I would love that," I replied. "A teacher is probably just what I need."

"I would be honored to be your teacher," Elita said, smiling.

I smiled in return. Then, feeling mischievous, I put my palms together and bowed as well as I could from my sitting position. "Elita-sensei."

Elita looked mildly amused while Chromia just looked at me in confusion.

"Sensei means 'teacher' or 'master' in Japanese," Arcee supplied to her sister.

"I know the tiniest bit of Japanese from years of watching anime," I said. "The only Earth language I know less words in that I know any in is sign language. I might also know less in German, too, but I haven't counted words to know for sure."

Chromia shook her helm in bemusement at me. "Well, I'll let you nerd out with Elita about the language and I'll just stick to my guns and my mech. Speaking of, I have sensed Ironhide, but haven't seen him yet."

"He was interrogating Steadishift with Prowl," I said. "So I imagine he was debriefing Optimus with him, too. I'm sure he'll turn up sooner or later. Probably sooner." My wings shifted as the sensors that hadn't been damaged by the cuffs picked up a presence. I turned to look at the door. "Hmm, indeed."

Chromia gave me a perplexed look. Before she could open her mouth, however, a knock was sounding at the door.

"Are you femmes decent in there?" Ironhide's voice came through.

Chromia gave me a very guarded look, clearly not sure what to make of my knowledge he was there. "How did you know?" She was clearly asking.

"Life sign scanner," I mouthed, tapping the side of my visor as Elita called "Not decent!" Out to the mech.

"Aw, well, hurry it up then!" Ironhide called back gruffly.

"Absence makes the spark grow fonder, mech!" Chromia called, losing her look of suspicion. "You'll just have to wait."

"I could wait forever for you, MyLove," Ironhide returned.

I smiled, spark filled with warmness at the sweet exchange as I heard the mech take a seat just outside the door.

"Mechs," Chromia said, shaking her helm. "Can't live with them."

"Indeed," I said, knowing she was only joking.

If I didn't know it from the stories, I would know it from the increase in pace she took in getting dry and replacing her armor. Then she slipped out while Elita was still replacing her armor with an amused look on her face, looking wistful.

I reached out and touched her elbow with a questioning look on my face.

"I'm ok," she told me.

"You sure you don't want Optimus to barge in, too?" I asked, daring to tease just a little.

Elita blush, looking a bit flustered. Still, she smiled softly, optics sparkling. "If I didn't know better, I'd ask if you'd spent too much time with Chromia."

I grinned at that, feeling like that was high praise. "I mean, I get the feeling, maybe I'm deflecting a little."

"Ratchet?" Arcee asked as she nudged me, clearly teasing me in turn since I'd dared to tease her sister.

"Oh?" Elita asked, optics sparkling.

I felt my cooling fans kick on. "No," I said, wings shifting. "He and I aren't- We're not-" I shook my helm. "I haven't even considered a mech here like that…not yet anyway." My wings and cooling fans betrayed me, but I was not about to admit to anything.

Arcee chuckled and Elita smiled gently.

Once Elita was fully armored, we moved out to the foyer where Chromia had gone to greet Ironhide. Where we found them deep in a makeout session, right where the mech had sat on the floor.

I looked down at them. They were really getting into it. I wondered for a moment if Chromia was gonna stay in the armor she had just put back on. So I cleared my throat at the same time Elita did.

Chromia made a rude gesture and my wings shifted uncertainly.

"Er," I said.

Ironhide gently pushed Chromia back and she scowled for a moment, but the look softened at his look of reproach and he rubbed her arms and spoke gentle words in Cy-Stan.

"Sorry, fembot," Chromia said, shifting to sit back against her mech as he wrapped his arms around her. "I didn't mean to be rude."

"It's fine," I muttered, a bit reflexively as I waved a hand. I shifted my wings a bit.

"That was a reflexive, non-committed answer," Chromia looked slightly amused, but also a little concerned while Ironhide frowned.

I shrugged. "We interrupted you, so, it's fine," I said.

Chromia considered me for a moment. Then she looked at Elita, who'd also cleared her throat. "I apologize for my rude gesture, Elita," she said. "It was out of order of me."

Elita bowed her helm graciously. "Apology accepted, sister mine."

Chromia looked back at me. "See? That's how you accept an apology and mean it," she said. "If you are resistant to accepting it, I need to know why so we can talk about it. You don't need to accept it out of reflex to avoid conflict with me."

I bowed my helm, wings shifting slightly.

"Fembot," Chromia said sternly, holding her arms out. She beckoned me. "Come here."

I hesitated, knowing her reputation for temper and also having my own experiences with others. I was not used to my automatic responses not being accepted. Very few had ever poked closer to determine genuineness in accepting apologies. But after gusting some air through my systems, I approached and sat down in front of her and Ironhide so we'd be on level.

"Now, fembot," Chromia said, reaching out and taking hold of my free hand I'd rested on my knee. "Why the resistance to forgiveness? I was under the impression you are a forgiving spark."

I looked down at our hands silently for a long minute, considering that. My wings shifted as I thought, and I felt some pain in my spark as I recognized it for what it was.

"It's an old trauma response, I think," I said quietly. "I…I think I mentioned a bit to you, Ironhide, about a friend I once had that I told Ratchet about?"

Ironhide nodded. "I remember." He said softly.

"She hurt me a lot in…a lot of different ways," I clenched my hand she wasn't holding a bit where it sat relatively closely to my spark. "I'm not fully healed. Your…reaction, Chromia, to us interrupting you reminded me heavily of her. So I reflexively pulled back into my shell and fell into conflict avoidance mode as I often did with her to try to avoid the worst of it. Part of that was automatically accepting apologies without considering them, cause so many were not genuine."

"Aww fembot, I'm sorry you went through that," Chromia said, squeezing my fingers. "I promise I do mean it, I am sorry."

"I know and it really is ok," I said, looking up at her and smiling a bit. "I'll get over it. It was a moment. And my trauma is not your responsibility to dance around. In time I will have all my trauma responses handled, I'm sure. Or, at least, I will be used to you enough that such mannerisms from you will not trigger them." I grinned a little wryly at that. "Assuming you don't get tired of me first." I said it like a joke, though I was mildly serious.

Chromia lightly smacked my knee as her mech nudged me with his pede. "Don't say that now. No bot's just gonna get tired of you."

"Is that what you felt your old friend did?" Ironhide asked gently.

I shrugged. "I mean," I said. "She did abandon me before I ended up telling her she couldn't come back into my life. But, like, she wasn't the only one to ever do it. Just the one who took the longest. She wasn't even the last. Not the first, nor the last." I sighed at that. "No one ever really gives me reasons. So the mind comes up with them. Usually self-blame is the go-to. It's hard to know, really. Without someone explaining it."

"Poor femme," Chromia said. "Well, we Autobots don't just do that to friends, so don't worry about that with us, ok?"

"No promises," I said. "But I can try."

"Good enough," Chromia said.

"If it helps, I made strong progress with my fiancée and his family and a couple outside friends before I was kidnapped by Shockwave," I said. "So I am capable of believing you. It just takes time. And patience. I might need some reassurance here and there is all. I will communicate if I do. My fiancée taught me well about that." I smiled a bit.

"Good," Chromia smiled back. "Cause we can't help you if you don't communicate you need it."

"I know," I said. Then I looked at Ironhide. "Are you going to join us on our tour?" I thought he might enjoy more time with his sparkmate.

"Hmm," Ironhide hummed, wrapping his arms tighter around Chromia, seeming to think about it. "As much as I would love to, I have to run some drills with the humans. Optimus wants them better trained if they're gonna keep going in the field with us bots like Agent Fowler is pushing for."

I nodded in understanding, a bit disappointed. I would've enjoyed seeing the two interact more. Ah well.

"We will have a chance to spend time together another time," Ironhide reassured me, misinterpreting my disappointment.

I chuckled, smirking. "I'm sure," I said dryly, glancing at the femme in his lap.

"Oh," he said, realizing. "You were asking for Chromia, were you?" His optics sparkled in amusement.

I shrugged, still smirking.

"You brat," Chromia said, amused. "We ought to find you a mech so you can worry about finding time for your own self and not about finding time for other couples."

I chuckled at that. "I'll find a mech if I am ever good and ready to move on from the fiancée," I said softly. "Life is short and we're at war, I will help facilitate whatever time I can for those who have someone. Even though I have very little control over it."

Chromia chuckled a little. "You're sweet."

Ironhide shifted and Chromia moved to get to her pedes despite clearly not wanting to. I got to my pedes as well, seeing that we were moving now. Ironhide gave Chromia a long hug and then kissed her passionately once more, brushing her cheek gently with his fingers. He rested his forehead against hers for a moment when they pulled away and whispered his love.

Then he wished us a good remainder of our day, told me to behave, and then left.

"Geez Shade'," Arcee said, looking amused. "You dared to misbehave with Ironhide."

I just shrugged, looking sheepish. "Not terribly. He just had to convince me not to starve myself because of my emotions." I shook my helm. "Again, I hope I never have to pretend to be a traitor again."

"Poor femme," Chromia said, sounding sympathetic.

We left the showers then, moving on in our tour to the next completed building, which was the medbay building. Ratchet was in the process of moving things from the temporary medbay to it with the help of Bumblebee, Wheeljack and Jazz, so we greeted them.

Bumblebee made a point to pause his work to pull me into a hug and whirl apologetically and questioningly as he motioned toward my wings.

"I'm ok, 'Bee," I told him softly. "Don't worry about it."

"Wait," Chromia said. "That pretending to be a traitor stuff. Did that just end?"

"This morning was the official end," I answered, shifting a wing slightly.

Bumblebee whirled, motioning with his hands.

"Sounds like 'Bee didn't even buy it," Elita said, looking amused.

"I didn't either!" Wheeljack called from a bit aways where he was carrying a box.

Ratchet looked a bit grouchy about his outburst where he was walking behind him.

"Well, thanks for your faith? I think?" I said, not sure if I was touched or offended at my poor acting.

Bumblebee whirled again, sounding reassuring.

I smiled at him, deciding to appreciate it genuinely. "You're a good friend, 'Bee," I said softly, reaching out and touching his arm.

Bumblebee looked happy. Then he turned to Elita and Chromia to greet them enthusiastically, giving them each a hug and whirling lots of things. I only somewhat followed what he was saying, having had a hard time deciphering his made up noise-language. I could make out intentions sometimes, but not enough to have full conversation like the other bots seemed able to.

We moved on fairly quickly, Bumblebee needing to get back to work, but we did so with the promise of more time to spend later.

"I didn't realize how fresh the traitor stuff was," Elita said as we walked away from medbay. "You have been rather cheerful and open for a femme who just went through being treated as such."

"Like I told Arcee," I said. "Nothing that anyone did was unexpected. Not even Sunstreaker beating me up. I was expecting her to do it, but, you know." I shrugged. "I don't begrudge anyone. I deceived them, after all. I'm just glad it's over. I'm not as over it as I may seem, but I'm not gonna take it out on anybot. I just have stuff to process."

"Speaking of the twins," Arcee said, nudging me. She nodded toward where the twins were loitering on the road.

"Hmm," I hummed.

"What are they up to?" Elita wondered.

"No good, probably," Chromia said, eyeing them.

"Imma find out," I said.

"No fear," I heard Arcee say in amusement as I walked a bit faster to get ahead of the little group of femmes.

"Even after being beat up. Impressive." That was Chromia.

I ignored them and jogged a bit ahead to meet the twins with some distance between us. The twins pretended not to notice me immediately and I raised my optic ridges.

"'Ello," I said. "What are you twins up to? Am I smelling a prank?" I kept my tone light, non-accusatory.

Sideswipe chuckled as Sunstreaker glared at that.

"You gonna tell Prowl if you are?" Sideswipe asked, optics sparkling.

"Only if it's harmful," I replied, amused. "Though the others might anyways." I motioned toward the other femmes, who had stopped and seemed to just be observing.

Sideswipe chuckled. "Probably." He agreed. He looked over at his brother then back at me, sobering up. "We were actually looking for you. Wanted to make sure you were doing ok."

I shrugged. "Ratchet's got me on pain meds, so I'm not in pain," I said quietly. "Otherwise, probably what you'd expect."

"Yeah," Sideswipe said awkwardly. He looked past me toward the femmes. "Is that Elita and Chromia?"

"Yeah," I replied. "Arrived this afternoon. Arcee and I are giving them the grand tour. Of our very much incomplete base."

"I got word earlier of a couple of the quarters being completed," Sideswipe said. "So that will help. So will having medbay complete. I'm sure Ratchet will move in there. And you, since you're currently injured." He reached out and touched my sling.

My wings tensed a little at the unexpected touch and I moved back a little as he pulled away.

"Sorry, I shouldn't have touched you without asking," Sideswipe said.

"It's ok," I said reflexively and then flinched at doing it again. I ran a hand down my face. "I mean…Well…it is, but…ugh…Sorry, I said that reflexively and I'm trying to be thoughtful about accepting apologies and not just accepting them willy nilly. It is ok, though. Just…respect my bubble for now. We gotta be friends first before you enter my space. We've hardly talked as it is. My main experience outside of a mission is your brother beating me up while you played lookout."

Sideswipe winced. "Right," he said, rubbing the back of his helm. "Sorry. About that."

"I do not begrudge you it," I reassured. "I merely mean I will require more positive interactions in order to be friends." I paused, hesitating. "If that's what you want, anyways. I would not be opposed."

"Really?" Sideswipe seemed to perk at that.

I nodded. "I mean what I say," I said. Then I paused and chuckled nervously. "At least, when I'm not pretending to be a traitor. Ugh, I'm never going to stop cringing about it. It's there now. Forever part of my character history."

"There, there," Sideswipe patted the air, pretending to pat my helm. "You'll be ok."

I chuckled at that, feeling more than a little awkward. I rubbed the back of my helm. "Well, anywho, I better get back to the femmes," I said. "We got a tour to finish."

"See ya around, Shadebreaker," Sideswipe said.

"After while, Sideswipe," I said, giving him a two finger salute. I waved to Sunstreaker and then jogged over to where the others were observing.

"You ok, fembot?" Chromia asked, eyeing the twins suspciously.

"Yeah, they apparently were looking for me to check on me," I replied, shrugging. "So I told them and then set a boundary about personal space and extended an olive branch, that is to say, offer a way to bridge the gap and rid us of the tension between us. A…um, I offered to be friends, basically. I'm not really sure how to explain that phrase, I'm realizing. I'm not even sure if I used it right."

Chromia chuckled and Elita smiled softly.

"I think you used it right," Arcee said. "But I don't know how to explain it either."

I shrugged. "Sideswipe said he heard a couple of the buildings for our quarters are completed," I said. "Perhaps we could go check them out."

"Oooo," Arcee said. "That will be helpful now that our numbers are growing so rapidly."

"Indeed," I said.

The rest of the tour went without any interruptions and was rather pleasant. Unfortunately, while there were a couple buildings completed for quarters, the humans in charge of construction weren't ready to let anyone in yet as the paint was still drying—they'd be ready for bots to move into tomorrow, though and then someone could tour them. But Arcee and I were able to show them the locations where other buildings were slated to be built, even ones not started yet, and the beaches—including the bot-only one, the one we could visit with humans and the human-only beach. And, of course, the field where the damaged ship had been parked.

After the tour, we separated a bit for dinner. And now it was just Ratchet, Wheeljack and I left in medbay as Ratchet tended to changing my arm and shoulder bandages in order to check on the healing process. Wheeljack had already retired to a room for the night—choosing to sleep here while waiting for quarters and using his old status as med-caste as an excuse we could use to any humans who could argue about it.

"Are the pain meds managing the pain alright?" Ratchet asked gently.

"I can tell they're starting to wear off," I replied softly. "But I felt no pain through the day after they'd first kicked in."

"How's your appetite?" Ratchet asked, concern in his voice.

"Seems to be returning," I told him, smiling a bit. "Dinner was a lot easier to consume than lunch had been."

"How's…" Ratchet hesitated, his medical tone faltering a moment.

"My spark doesn't hurt so much anymore," I answered gently, knowing why it was hard to keep up the professional tone. Because it was a personal pain that he had caused. "Re-establishing our friendship bond really helped…and I think I'm forming some more bonds with Arcee and her sisters. Arcee apologized and accepted my apology and 'Bee was kind and forgiving. Today was very conducive to healing for everyone, I think. All we need is to find Bulkhead and get him home safe."

"Let us hope Prowl can get Steadishift to talk," Ratchet sighed.

"Indeed," I said. I paused for a long moment as he finished wrapping my shoulder and started replacing the sling. "I ran into the twins today, too."

Ratchet paused, looking at my face with a searching look. "And how'd that go?" He asked carefully as he resumed his work.

I shrugged my free shoulder. "A little tense," I said. "But I offered an olive branch. Sideswipe, at least, seemed like he wanted to take it. Sunstreaker was harder to read. They at least wanted to make sure I was ok. Nothing bad happened between us, though. So…I guess we'll see how it goes?"

"Hmph," Ratchet gruffed. "The twins have always been trouble. They may not beat you up again, but I don't have my hopes up of friendly encounters. They're pains in the aft."

I chuckled a bit. "We'll see," I said. "I'll reserve my judgment until I see for myself. I expected one thing from Wheeljack and got something different, after all. I mean, he's not entirely different from what I expected, but different enough."

Ratchet hummed. "Just be careful," he said. "Even if they do end up friendly with you, they could steer you into trouble before you know it."

"I know, Ratchet," I said softly. "I'll be careful."

"I'll get you some painkillers, then I'll show you to your room," Ratchet said.

"Thank you," I told him, bowing my helm a bit to him.

Once he had me settled in a room, unfortunately still without blankets cause we were still fighting with requisitions about it, I fell asleep within minutes. A testimony to how tired I was given it usually took me ages to fall asleep.