A/N: I'm sure you will see my review response below, but this is a good time to bring it up. If any of you receive messages or reviews from people trying to get you to go to them for a commission, do NOT do it. These are more than likely scammers. Artists do not go around hounding people to commission them as if the world is their showroom and their the worst sharks of the sales world. The display their art on their chosen platform and they advertise there that their commissions are open with price readily available to see. I have a mountain of PMs ignored for this and now they're bleeding into my reviews. I don't know if they think coming public will pressure me into responding, but all it's gonna do is make me publicly call them out. I don't know if any of them are actually unique from each other. They're all accounts that seem to be made with this express purpose of trying to scam us.

Be careful out here, folks. Scammers be scamming. And instead of learning lessons, they just try new tactics. I'm sure when they're done with this, it'll be a new one. There are others floating out there in the world. Such as hiding malicious malware in QR codes and sending it to you in a "free" package from a website you may buy from(this one can be done through dumpster diving or inside job, it's unclear to me, but those are most likely in the case I saw). There's also a game called Brawl Hero that's a scam going around that is actually hiding malware within it and they will try to scare you into believing you cannot get it off. I would encourage you all to research these and what other scams are going around right now so you can avoid them.

And any scammers reading this, though I doubt any have read this far, you know what you are doing. It is not the way. You cannot build yourself by tearing other people down. Those other people have family to take care of, too. Perhaps more even, you don't know. Don't be assholes. Don't be pieces of shit. Just stop. Find a better way to make a living. A legal, not harmful to people way. Scamming hurts. No way you spin it can it be anything but harmful.

Review Replies:

Evelinhaimo1: You are very clearly one of the spammers going around trying to scam people. You love the story so much, but misgender Shadebreaker, who has been made clearly a femme at many, many points, don't read past chapter 8, and you shelling your art. Artists don't go around begging for commissions last I checked. I've never seen any go around outside their own pages to hound people specifically for commissions, just advertise that their commissions are open on whatever platform they display their art. This is a site for fanfiction, not your showroom. Not your field of unsuspecting victims for scamming out of money.

Chapter 26: Decision

To tell Ratchet. Not to tell Ratchet. That was the question I pondered as I stared out at the ocean from my chosen rock at the beach.

And as I wax poetic about it, everyday was more opportunity for me to miss my shot entirely with him to Drift. And I had yet to figure out if that was for the best. My worries about my fiancée suffering my same fate had been alleviated(a bittersweet thing as it confirmed I would never see him again), but that still left the fact that Drift existed in this reality and some part of me felt guilty about claiming Ratchet from him despite him not having a relationship with the medic beyond doctor-patient.

Of course, that was if Ratchet felt the same anyways. Which I didn't know. Because I was hesitating about talking to him. Because of my own pain. Because of Drift's existence and his other selves having a relationship with him. Because somehow I had fallen back into my old hesitations when it came to relationships. Because I had never expected to have to do this sort of thing twice.

Maybe Drift was the one I needed to talk to first? Maybe if I got his permission then perhaps I could stop hesitating so much. But how did someone even approach such a subject? It felt like such an awkward and strange thing to do. And it didn't feel like the right thing to do.

"I thought I'd find you here," Elita's voice reached my audials, interrupting my thought process.

I glanced back and down at the femme from my perch—the rock I had chosen being large enough even Optimus would have to climb to reach me here at the far end of the beach. "Good morning, Elita," I called down.

"Good morning," Elita replied, smiling in amusement.

"Should I come down?" I inquired.

"No need, I will be up in a moment," Elita told me.

I watched as she climbed the rock with an ease that told me she had climbed many similar surfaces over the course of her life. I wondered if any of them had been before the war, or if it was one of the many skills she'd developed as a result of it.

"Welcome to the Rock of Thinking," I greeted her once she was beside me, sitting down at my side with barely a gust of air.

"The Rock of Thinking, huh?" Elita asked in amusement.

"I am doing much thinking, thus it is the Rock of Thinking," I said simply, grinning slightly.

Elita chuckled lightly.

"Anyways," I said. "What brings the femme commander out to see the slightly infirm?"

"Visiting is all," she replied. "I wanted to see how you were doing. I haven't had a chance to do so since our last Cy-Stan lesson prior to the one you asked to reschedule."

I shifted a wing self-consciously. "I'm sorry," I said quietly. "I…had a lot on my mind. Has…Chromia or Ratchet told you what happened when Chromedome went in to deal with the code Soundwave put in to disable my T-cog?"

"They did," Elita said gently. She touched my hand softly. "I'm sorry to hear."

I sighed. "The universe refuses me a proper biological father, it seems," I said. "My human one sucked, too. Is what it is." I shrugged. "Don't be sorry for me. Be sorry for him. Someday he will face the consequences of his actions and it will not be pretty and he will realize how utterly alone he is. And that is sad."

"You've come to terms with it, then?" She asked.

"Somewhat," I said. "I mean, it still sucks and hurts and I will never stop missing everyone I loved before. But…at least I know now no one else is likely at risk. Or, at least, it appears that way. Some small part of me will always worry if that was a lie he told to Shockwave, but I have to hope that it wasn't. Until it is proven otherwise."

Elita lifted her hand and rubbed my shoulder. "Is that what you're out here thinking about?"

"Hmm," I hummed, debating whether to tell her or not. "No. Actually," I hesitated a moment before deciding if anyone could give me advice on a delicate matter it would be her. "I'm thinking about Ratchet. And Drift."

"Oh," Elita said, sounding both amused and perplexed. "I think I know why you are thinking about Ratchet, but why Drift, too?"

"I know of him from a different reality," I said. "A comic that takes place far, far in the future." I lifted a hand and waved it in an arch. "After the war, you know. Part of why I accepted his genuine turn so easily. The Drift I knew through that comic had been an Autobot for a long, long time, having made the turn many, many years in the past. That Drift was Ratchet's conjunx endura by the end of that comic's run."

"Ahh," Elita said. "So, you are afraid Drift might snatch Ratchet from you if you do not act on your feelings?"

"And I have not figured out if maybe he should," I said. "I mean, I haven't talked to Ratchet, obviously. I mean, clearly I'm not the greatest at hiding my feelings if you know I have them."

Elita chuckled lightly. "I am observant, my friend," she said. "I have noticed some looks from you during our lessons and the way you behave with each other. I didn't need Arcee's insistence or you not fully denying it to figure it out."

"Ah," I said, cooling vents activating. "I see. Well…" I cleared my throat. "Still…When I wrote fanfiction, back when I was human, I had a policy of never breaking up canon couples in any way. I never even worked around them, by having characters meet prior or using death or some such. I mean, some fandoms, Transformers being one, had alternate realities where pairings could differ even within canon but some were always hard and fast, like you and Optimus or Chromia and Ironhide. Ratchet and Drift weren't so much, but that was partially because Drift didn't exist in many realities. I just…I don't know…I guess I'm not sure what I'm supposed to be doing with these feelings. I mean, I know this isn't the same. I should feel no obligation to put myself under those rules and I certainly shouldn't be holding those two to them.

"Even if I step back they still might not get together, so why should I let a theoretical relationship that may not happen stop me? I dunno what push I need at this point." I sighed, shaking my helm. "I had thought finding a confirmation that my fiancée was really not part of life's equation anymore would be all I needed to give myself permission but I still find myself stalling. And is it really just Drift or is part of me still not ready to move on despite the feelings being there? I don't know. Part of me wonders if talking to Drift about it first might help, but he's got a lot going on learning how to leave his Decepticon past behind him, he doesn't need to add my romantic struggles on top of that. And it doesn't feel like an ok thing to talk to him about either."

"He does not need it, you're right," Elita agreed dryly. She rubbed my shoulder sympathetically. "As for rightness, it's a little dubious."

"It was easier talking to my old partner," I sighed. "Simpler back then. We met in a theater. Didn't have all this other stuff to worry about. I didn't have this weird knowledge about a mech who could potentially end up being his partner."

Elita chuckled, shaking her helm. "The curse of knowledge." She said. "But like you said yourself, you don't have to hold them to that relationship. This isn't like the stories you wrote. This isn't that other reality either and the future isn't written in stone." She rubbed my shoulder. "The three of you are all free to follow whatever path you want."

My wings lifted some as her words helped me feel encouraged. "Masters of our own fate, eh?" I asked.

"Optimus would say 'freedom is the right of all sentient beings'," she said, smiling with sparkling optics.

"I guess if Vector came and griped about me dating Ratchet because timeline shenanigans that would be overbearing," I chuckled. "Like a whole timekeepers scenario like in Loki."

"What?" Elita asked, looking amused.

"It's a show in the Marvel Universe," I said. "Very good. I would highly recommend it, if it existed in this reality, but I don't know if it does, given Stark is real here."

"Alright," Elita said, smiling lightly.

"So your advice is to screw what happened in the other timeline and talk to Ratchet like the brave femme I am instead of hiding like the coward I am pretending to be?" I asked to clarify.

"I never called you a coward," Elita said gently. "I would never call you that."

"No, but it is what I called myself about it," I said. "I was very brave about my fiancée, approaching the subject first with him, asking for his number and taking the steps when I did. But with Ratchet I have done nothing but stall and hesitate and hide from my feelings out of fear and uncertainty. The very opposite of facing my problems head on like I prefer to do."

"That doesn't make you a coward," Elita said gently. "That just makes you Cybertronian." She rubbed my shoulder again. "Many bots find it difficult to talk to the one they fall for about their feelings for the first time for a variety of different reasons."

"Did you have difficulty talking to Optimus?" I asked curiously.

"Are you kidding?" Elita asked, smiling wanly. "Of course I did. I mean, ours was an arranged meeting initially, but even so, when feelings came into the picture, it wasn't an easy subject. He had become Prime by then and our courting had been all but forgotten with the war breaking out. It would've never gone through had we not fallen for each other."

"So semi-arranged, semi-not," I said, somewhat amused by that.

"If it wasn't for the arrangement, I don't know that we would've met," Elita said, optics sparkling. "But I'm very glad we did. After he was made Prime and the war broke out, I thought it was over. But he made time for me and I had earned his trust as an advisor early on, so that helped. It just didn't leave much time for romance."

"I imagine," I said. "But you made it work. You ended up loving each other enough to make it work. I can't imagine many arrangements making it through the starting period in such a scenario."

"Me either," Elita agreed. "But, back to your question, the answer is yes. I do believe you should tell Ratchet of your feelings. Be brave. I have a fairly good feeling you will be pleased by the result." She gave me a knowing smile.

"Ohhh," I said, optics sparkling. "You think he likes me back."

"I didn't say that," Elita said, but the look on her face confirmed it.

"You can't fool me, I've learned how to read you," I said, tone filled with humor as I lightly poked her shoulder.

Elita chuckled at that and I grinned wider.

I nearly ran into Ironhide on the way into medbay and stopped abruptly, stepping aside to let him out.

"Ah, there you are," Ironhide said, smiling. "I was looking for you, but Ratchet said you weren't in and your intercom isn't working."

"Ah, yeah, I need Ratchet to look at it again," I said. "It's been all persnickety since getting back. What's up?" I shifted a wing, resisting the urge to look past him into medbay. I had been hoping to talk to Ratchet sooner than later now that I had come to a decision to do so. Once I made a decision, I didn't like hesitating too long. Lest indecision take hold again.

"I'm ready to go over some designs for your new armor," Ironhide replied, a cheerfulness in his tone.

"Ooo," I said, conversation with Ratchet not forgotten, but momentarily distracted from. I hesitated, torn. "Um, I had something I wanted to talk with Ratchet about…"

"I'm afraid he's gonna be busy for a next few hours," Ironhide said, frowning as he considered me. "He was just preparing to repair Drift's spark casing and it's a very delicate operation. Is it urgent?"

"Oh, uh, no," I said, frame sinking slightly, but recovering quickly.

"Did you need some pain meds? Ratchet can comm me which ones you need…?"

I shook my helm. "No, the ones from this morning are still going strong," I assured him. "It can wait till later or tomorrow or whenever he has time. I can come talk armor now."

Ironhide considered me for a moment before motioning for me to walk with him. "Aside from armor, there is another thing I needed to discuss with you," he said.

"Hm?" I hummed in question, tilting my helm where an audial tilted more upward toward him as we walked down the street.

"Chromia tells me you expressed interest in becoming my apprentice," Ironhide said and I saw him watching me. "Specifically, she said she suggested an idea of you helping when you mentioned having always wanted to make your own armor and you seemed ecstatic about the idea and even more so at the idea of apprenticeship."

My optics brightened and my wings perked, fluttering a bit as the idea was brought up again, this time by the mech. "Indeed," I confirmed. "I-" My wings fluttered, even as I stopped myself from going on an info-dumping spiel. "I would love to learn from you. It would be amazing." My wings fluttered again.

Ironhide chuckled. "I can see what she meant by enthusiasm," he said. "You are bouncing."

I realized he was right and I consciously smoothed my walk so as not to irritate my healing frame.

"You would have to follow my instructions," Ironhide said. "Especially in regards to safety."

"I would," I said, nodding, lowering my wings in deference to him. "I would not touch anything until you told me it was ok to do so."

"That includes only touching some things with my supervision for a while during your training," Ironhide said firmly.

"Yes sir," I nodded emphatically. "I understand forge tools are dangerous and need to be used certain ways of which I am unfamiliar yet. I know very well about being careful."

Ironhide gave me a dubious look.

"Ser-ket situations notwithstanding," I admitted sheepishly, embarrassed. "And I have no plans to do that anymore. Will definitely be approaching Ser-ket encounters differently from now on."

"You best do that," Ironhide gruffed. He reached over and tweaked my wing. "Once you are healed, we will be upping your combat training if you wish to remain in the field."

"I would and I would very much like more training opportunities," I said, nodding, unbothered by the way he said that. "Drift will need it, too."

"That mech's been fighting for well over centuries," Ironhide gruffed.

"With guns, maybe," I replied, reflecting his gruff tone, having picked the same tone up from Ratchet already anyways.

Ironhide raised an optic ridge.

"He admitted to me yesterday having only ever received training in firearms," I told Ironhide quietly.

"Really? No hand-to-hand? At all?" Ironhide looked as shocked as I had been.

"Nope," I said, shifting a wing. "I was rather shocked myself to find out. I taught him some katas and moves, but he can only learn so much while in recovery. Motions, only the ones that don't irritate his frame. And I'm sure he'll have more restrictions after his surgery today."

"Mhm," Ironhide agreed. "We'll make sure he is properly trained, then, if he wishes."

"He seems to. I hope not just because I have offered it," I said, frowning. "He goes along with what I offer quite a lot."

"He seems to have a lot of respect for you," Ironhide said. "It's not a bad thing. You earned it. You have shown him kindness where a lot of bots would shove him aside or even knock him when he is down. He appreciates that. Just make sure you don't take advantage."

"I would never dream of it!" I emphasized. "I'm hopeful he knows how to say no if I ever do push him outside of his comfort or tell him a wrong thing in general. But I don't know how to test that without going outside my comfort. I'm not sure how to impart that lesson. I may need help with that."

Ironhide reached over and rubbed my shoulder. "I'm sure he will garner many teachers while with us," he said. "It will not all be on you to teach him. It wouldn't be fair to expect that of you when you are still learning so much about our culture yourself."

I sighed and relaxed. "That's true," I said. "In some ways I am very much capable, but there is a great deal I do not know. But I know where to go to find out the answers. And if he asks me something I don't know, I can always tell him 'Let's ask someone who knows the answer'."

"Exactly," Ironhide nodded, smiling in approval. "And no one expected you to become his teacher to begin with, you did that to yourself."

"Indeed," I said dryly. "As a joke that turned serious. I mean, it was only partially a joke…the title of Padawan was a joke, but I did decide I would teach him things if he wanted to learn things I had to teach and he was very open."

Ironhide chuckled. "And that wasn't at all influenced by your knowledge, I suppose?"

I grinned sheepishly, cooling fans betraying me. "Maybe a little, but we also were spending so much time together as medbay inmates," I replied. "I will admit said knowledge is why I asked Optimus if he had information about Spectralism."

"I had wondered," Ironhide said, optics sparkling. He had been present when I had asked the Prime.

"It's actually been very interesting," I said as we walked. "The ideals are not that dissimilar to ours or to what I grew up with. I…haven't come to a conclusion how I feel about auras and all that, though. Or, I guess, specifically, how it might apply to me in particular. I'm still sorting through my religious crisis as Drift put it. Crisis feels the most accurate term I've come up with. Or confusion, maybe. I don't know."

Ironhide rubbed my shoulder again. "So, in learning it to teach Drift, which I hope you aren't pressuring him to believe, mind you, you are also trying to solve your own religious dilemma," he said.

"Yes, and I'm not pressuring him on anything," I said. "I merely invited him to study with me under no obligation to believe any of it. He has been insightful in his own ways. It helps to have a study buddy. He seems to enjoy the activity quite a bit, though. I daresay, Drifts are multiversally inclined toward the spiritual."

Ironhide chuckled at that.

"We got very far off topic from me being your apprentice," I commented dryly.

"Indeed," Ironhide said. "I think I would love to have an enthusiastic apprentice. Just be careful to temper that enthusiasm with caution about safety." His tone was stern as we approached the Forge.

"Yes sir!" I said, saluting him with a grin and barely contained excitement.

I spent several hours with Ironhide talking about the design of my armor and what the process would entail. It took those hours because he was very thorough about the reasons for each placement of armor and such.

Also because I had a particular idea about some wing armor that required very intricate and careful planning to make work with my wing structure, but I could tell from the sparkle in his optics that Ironhide was excited at the prospect of doing something he'd never done before. Most winged bots didn't have wings quite like mine and the armoring that did exist on their wings was always thinner overall. Some of the armor I was considering involved some thicker pieces at the top edge if we could find a way to make it work.

But now it was after that and I had left Ironhide to work some more on Drift's armor while we sat on what we'd come up with for mine. He would allow me to start working with him after I had read his manuals about forge care thoroughly. I complained a little bit about it, but accepted the importance of the knowledge.

I poked back into medbay, looking around the main room to see if Ratchet was there. It was empty and my spark sank a little in disappointment. It also gave a nervous jitter as I went looking through the building for him, checking first in the room I knew he performed sensitive surgeries in to see if he was still working on Drift.

"Nope," I muttered, seeing the ex-Con, but no Ratchet. My optics saddened to see the mech hooked up to tubes after he'd been walking around close to completely well the last couple days.

Then I continued on my search, checking around and prodding him a bit through our friendship bond. Eventually I found him in the laundry room, arms covered in suds as he washed them.

What a romantic setting, I thought to myself dryly, wondering if I should've set up some kind of date for this.

"Ratchet?" I asked quietly, trying not to cringe at how vulnerable my voice was.

Ratchet paused at my voice and looked over his shoulder at me in concern. He looked me up and down and I suddenly felt self-conscious about my plain, unpainted armor. "Shade'? Is something wrong? Are you hurt?"

"N-no," I shook my helm and rubbed my arm a bit. "But I was wondering if we could talk?" The laundry room really wasn't where I'd imagined having this conversation. Nor did I imagine having it in plain, temp armor. But here we were.

Ratchet frowned, considering me. He looked back at the sink and his suds covered arms. "Give me a minute to finish up here, then we can talk. Why don't you go wait for me in the medic lounge?"

The medic lounge sounded at least better. I nodded. "Ok," I said, smiling a bit.

I moved away before anything else could happen and found my way to the lounge easily enough. I entered and looked around. I had spent many lunches and dinners in here with Ratchet since the medbay had been built. It was much more suited to this kind of talk. At least, when it pertained to us. I was sure many would find it an appalling place. The beach would have been nice, but so was this.

I sat at the table and leaned back in the chair, folding my hands over my belly and looked up at the ceiling. I pushed lightly against the floor to tilt the chair back, balancing on the back two feet as I thought about how to approach the subject with Ratchet.

I could just come out and say it. I could ask him out on a date. I could simply ask if he wanted to go out to the beach with me sometime, but we did that from time to time already as it is. Nothing about just asking him to go somewhere really made it clear why. This was supposed to be a confession conversation, not asking him to hang out to confess while hanging out. It's not exactly like we had any proper date locals on base besides the beach.

I suppose I could ask around for some off planet locations I could portal us to, but that'd be a risk, I thought to myself. As much as anywhere on Earth outside the shielding.

I sighed a bit. I did decide to remove my visor for the conversation. It made me feel more vulnerable, but it felt appropriate given the intimate nature of my feelings and how I wanted to make sure he knew I was being genuine. The way it made my spark flutter more with anxiety almost made me put it back on, however.

"You're gonna fall," Ratchet said as he walked in, startling me and causing me to do just that.

I reached for the table to catch myself, but missed and found myself tumbling onto the ground off the chair. "Omph," I said and then sighed as I heard Ratchet walk over.

"Come on," Ratchet said gently, helping me sit up, optics running over me. "Any new pain?"

"Only to my feelings," I said, embarrassed. "And my pride. I rarely lose balance while doing that and I can usually catch myself."

"Yeah," Ratchet said dryly, looking mildly amused. "It's always fine until it's not."

"Hmm," I said, cooling fans kicking on as I looked down.

Ratchet's fingers brushed my cheek and I looked back up at him to see him looking at me with gentle optics.

"You took your visor off," he said gently.

I searched his face, hesitant. "I can put it back on…?"

Ratchet shook his helm. "I like seeing your optics," he confessed, fingers still touching my cheek. Then he seemed to remember himself and pulled his hand away. "I just thought you were more comfortable with it on."

"It makes me feel less vulnerable," I confessed quietly, watching him. "And gives me a bit of a sense of familiarity. I wore glasses as a human, so it's kinda similar."

"I understand," Ratchet said softly. He offered a hand to help me up and I took hold of his forearm for better leverage. "Does this mean you are comfortable being vulnerable with me?"

I swallowed a bit, not letting go of his forearm even after I was standing. "Yeah," I said softly. "Which is good, cause what I want to talk about makes me feel very vulnerable."

Ratchet looked at me with gentle optics. "I see," he said. "Would you rather we sit or stand?" He rubbed his thumb reassuringly over my arm.

I shrugged a little. Then I looked toward the couches. "Perhaps the couch?"

"Of course," Ratchet said gently and led me to the couch.

We sat on the same couch, sitting sideways so we could face each other. My wings made nervous motions and I saw Ratchet track them with his optics for a moment, attentive to my body language. He kept a hand on mine as he waited for me to speak.

"I, um," I said, feeling some heat rise in my cheeks.

This was so much more difficult than asking for a phone number and then just ending up kissing one day while playing video games on a couch—well, that was an oversimplification of it, there was so much going into that, but I remembered a lot less internal conflict and hesitation once the decision had been made. All that learning communication skills and it just left me here apparently.

I sighed slightly as he ran his thumb over my hand. I looked down at our hands for a moment, trying to think of words. What words had I used last time? I couldn't remember specific words for a first confession. My processor had filed that first kiss as the confession. There had been conversations that happened wherein we had each confirmed our feelings, late night confessions of "this feels like love", but nothing that would fit this kind of scenario right here.

I looked back up at Ratchet and saw he was starting to grow concerned at my prolonged silence.

"Shade'," he started gently, reaching his free hand up to brush my cheek.

I leaned into his touch, closing my optics, relishing it as he opened his palm for me to rest my cheek in. "Ratchet," I interrupted in his pause. "Please, I need to get this out. I'm just trying to find the words."

"You do not need to say anything fancy," he said as if he knew, or had a suspicion of what I was about to confess.

I opened my optics to look at him, emotion filling them. "I…I have feelings for you, Ratchet," I said softly. "Past the ones of friendship. I…somewhere along the way I found myself falling in love with you…with your kindness and gentleness…even your gruffness." I chuckled. "All the little things you do. For me. For the others. Our talks. Our time spent in silence. All of it."

"Even when I lecture you?" Ratchet asked dryly.

I chuckled lightly. "Maybe not then."

Ratchet chuckled in return. Then he grimaced and pulled his hands away, pulling away and I felt my spark break. "I…need to tell you something," he said. "I…already knew."

"What?" I asked, feeling my spark sink even more. Last time I heard those words they were followed up by a rejection.

Ratchet sensed my sudden emotional drop and reached back out, taking both my hands into his earnestly. "This is not a rejection," he said quickly. "I…I have feelings too. I-" He cut off and swallowed. He brought my hands to his lips and kissed my fingers lightly. "I have fallen in love with all those things about you, too. And your smile. And how I wish you wouldn't hide your optics, but I understand why you do." He reached out and cupped my cheek, tracing a line under one of my optics.

I smiled back in return to his own smile. "Then…why was telling me you already knew so heavy?" I asked, leaning into his palm again.

"Because of how I knew," Ratchet said. He looked regretful and then looked away from me. "While you were…away, I went into your room to straighten up."

"I could tell someone had been in there to do so," I said, halfway smiling. "You only did half the job, but I assumed you hadn't wanted to ruin my organized chaos."

Ratchet chuckled slightly at that. "Well, I was going to stack the datapads neatly," he said. "But when I picked up your picture of us to look at it I noticed your note on the back."

"Oh," I said. "I thought writing that down might kick me in the rear at some point."

Ratchet turned back to stare at me, clearly hearing the humor in my tone.

"Part of me almost wanted you to find it, if I am honest," I said, smiling sadly. "Kick me in the rear to get me to have this conversation. It is not like me to hide from my feelings. I mean, at one point it was, but not for a long time. I didn't know what I needed to move on. I thought if something didn't force my hand I might end up dancing around it forever." I shook my helm as he stared at me in shock. "I am no stranger to snooping out of curiosity rather than nefarious purposes, Ratchet. Am I thrilled? No. But I am not angry. Though I do wonder why you never said anything."

"You've had a lot on your mind already," Ratchet said gently. "I didn't think you'd want to add the start of a relationship to what you were already dealing with."

"Considerate," I allowed, squeezing his hand and pulling it in for me to kiss his fingers this time. "But unneeded. Also, when Elita completely called me out I resigned myself to the fact you had probably picked it up. We have a bond and I have been caught by people with less."

"Ah," Ratchet said. "And yet it still took you so long to come out and say it."

"It's not so simple this time as 'hey can I get your number' or just casually going through life together until we just naturally kiss. I felt like we needed the verbal communication," I said, chuckling. "With my history and your…well…youness."

Ratchet chuckled. "I think I could handle a kiss from you," he said, leaning toward me.

"Yeah?" I asked, leaning forward. "Was I totally overthinking the whole thing and could've just kissed you all along?"

"Why don't you do so and find out?" Ratchet asked, smirking.

I purred and then leaned forward a bit more to meet his lips with mine. He was kissing me back in an instant, wrapping his hand around the back of my helm. The kiss sent heat and electricity through my frame and I melted into it, closing my optics. I opened them again when he pulled away.

"Ok, yeah," I said quietly. "I know this feeling for sure."

Ratchet grinned, looking almost smug.

I raised an optic ridge at the expression. Then he leaned forward and gave me another kiss. Shorter, but no less impactful. I purred in response.

"So," I said as we shifted to cuddle. "I know partners are called sparkmates or conjunx enduras…are we…one of those now or…?"

"This would be considered the courting stage," Ratchet said, wrapping an arm around me as I snuggled into his side. "We intend to be sparkmates, which is the same as conjunx endura. Conjunx endura is the more proper and official term while sparkmate is the more common name."

"Ahh," I said. "I see. So Chromedome is simply more formal than Chromia and my using them interchangeably as I have is exactly right."

"Mhm," Ratchet said, kissing the top of my helm.

I hesitated. "What if…we didn't intend to be sparkmates?"

Ratchet froze his movements, frame going entirely still.

"I mean this purely as curiosity," I said. "Many humans never marry their partners. Some don't even intend to keep them long term. 'Courting' sounds like a term of commitment. Is it just a fling without that? Are there short term boyfriend-girlfriend type relationships? Do Cybertronians even do that sort of thing?"

"Some," Ratchet said grouchily, shifting. "There's not really a proper term for it besides, well, whore, but that's a…profession of sorts. Short term dating doesn't have a proper term for us the way it does for humans due to the fact it is not very common. Especially given the majority of us wait to be intimate until being sparkmates—that's often the marker of that stage of the relationship for many couples."

"Oh," I said, blinking at the fact such a profession existed for the Cybertronian race. "Well….that's not me. This is definitely courting for me…unless you don't want it to be, I guess…in which I'll leave…I…um…" I was hit with a sudden feeling that I should leave because why would he ever want me as a mate?

Ratchet tightened his hold, sensing my fretful feelings and sending me reassuring ones. "I do want it to be courting," he reassured. "I would've nipped this in the bud a lot quicker if I didn't."

"Oh ok," I said, relaxing. "I may need more reassurances as we go."

"I can do that," Ratchet promised

"Though, if we are doing this, I must ask," I said. "I asked my fiancée this early on, too. Kids. Yay or nay?"

"Yay," Ratchet replied without thinking about it. "Someday. Hopefully with the war over."

"That's fair," I said softly. "We can talk more about those thoughts later, but that's totally fair. I just have thoughts I need to speak and talk out with you on it. For my peace of mind. I do want kids, too, just so that's clear."

"I understand," Ratchet said, snuggling me. "We will have to run some tests to know if you can carry to begin with. With what Shockwave did and all."

"Also fair," I said. "But surrogates exists and adoption."

"Mhm," Ratchet agreed.

"And- oh! Ironhide said I can train as his apprentice!" I said excitedly, processor getting distracted. "I have to read his forge care manual first."

Ratchet chuckled. "You confess your feelings and then you tell me you aren't going to be my assistant after all."

"I never said I would be to begin with," I said, chuckling. "I'll still help out. I just won't be constantly hovering about."

"As long as you are happy," Ratchet said.

"I am," I said in content. I purred as he snuggled me. Then I remembered the other question I had had for him. "Oh yeah. I needed to ask you to look at my intercom. It's down again."

Ratchet grunted. "I will take a look," he said.

"Do you think Chromedome might need to get involved?" I asked, tone small even to my audials.

"No," Ratchet said softly. "We shouldn't need to do anything so drastic."

I sighed in relief at that. "It's been so finicky," I complained. "And I need it to work before I get back into the field."

"It will by then," Ratchet reassured. "Though I'd prefer if you didn't go out into the field."

"Sitting on the sidelines is just not for me, Ratchet," I said gently. "Even you go into the field sometimes."

Ratchet grumbled a bit and I smiled, patting his leg.

"It's ok," I said. "I can always count on you to patch me up. And I will do my best to need it less. Ironhide already said I will be getting more training after I finish healing. And I have no plans to continue the Ser-ket tactics employed thus far, even if requested. I will find another way if we cannot defeat her."

Ratchet sighed. "Optimus has been training hard with the Star Saber," he said. "Ideally we won't have to worry about that Predacon much longer."

"Indeed," I said dryly. "Just if Megatron decides to attach a deceased Prime's arm to his chassis to use the Forge."

Ratchet made a disgusted face. "Does he really think that would work?"

"It worked in the show," I said, shrugging a bit. "Morbid, but effective. Genuinely disturbing. I'd feel quite better if we got the Forge away from the 'Cons."

"I can understand the concern, despite my doubts," Ratchet said, rubbing my arm. "In the same way giving you his nanobots is not what made you Vector's daughter, an arm would not make Megatron part of the Lineage."

"Hmmm," I hummed, still having a lot of doubts and feelings surrounding the whole CNA-nanobot thing.

"You still doubt me?" Ratchet asked, a slight tease in his tone.

"I think there is a lot about the Thirteen we don't know as a collective," I said with a sigh. "And I haven't seen anything to prove or disprove your words or an arm working for Megatron. And with not much in the way of answers forthcoming about my relationship to Vector it is hard not to question that which is known. Especially after having what I thought I knew be proven incorrect already."

Ratchet sighed. "I can prove the nanobot stuff for you," he said. "At no risk to either of us, mind you."

I narrowed my optics slightly.

"Cross my spark," Ratchet said. "I would just need a small sample of each of our life-en containing our nanobots to show you that they would not interact with each other under a microscope."

I sighed. "Very well," I said. "It would take the small inklings of doubt away at least. Even if not providing any new information."

Ratchet kissed my cheek. "There you go," he said softly. "I don't see why you resisted that so hard."

"In the show you tested the partial formula for Synth-En on yourself and it made you behave unusually." I said with a sigh. "I was thinking about that. You almost died going after Megatron alone in that episode. Plus, well, you know how I feel about experiments. I'm a little touchy since Shockwave." I wiggled my fingers.

"And that's entirely fair," Ratchet said gently, brushing my cheek with his fingers and I purred. "We'll do the test in a little bit, if that's alright. I'd like to stay here and talk some more."

"I'd like that, too." I said softly, quite enjoying the snuggle time. "I am a bot of touch. I would spend all day snuggling if allowed. Most of the time. Unless I got terribly overstimulated. But even then…maybe with you it would still be ok. Overstimulated me could still find comfort from the fiancée's touch, after all."

Ratchet chuckled. "It is different with the one you love, isn't it?" He asked softly.

"Mhm," I agreed.

And so we settled in for a long talk about various topics. I told him a bit about why I had hesitated so long, figuring it was best to be open and honest about everything. That was how it had worked before and it was how I wanted to operate now. Relationships had to operate on integrity and trust to work.

He listened with a sympathetic audial and didn't judge me for my concerns. He was very reassuring with his replies and respectful with his reactions and touches and I appreciated it more than he could possibly understand.

It was a nice, calm talk. And I found myself at peace for the first time in a while.