Chapter 29: Preparing for the End
I sighed heavily as I took in the clean morning air of the beach. Fresh air, peace and quiet. Time alone in the quiet to process the recent events.
Finding out I had a Cybertronian brother was…interesting. I was a little sad he was triggering my intuition flags. It would be nice to be able to talk to him without feeling suspicious. To ask him questions and not have to wonder if he was trying to lead me into something.
To not wonder if it was a coincidence and I was a red herring as far as he was concerned because of Shockwave. Because, let's face it, there was always going to be that question. Until such a time that we got a hold of Shockwave's records. Whether my relation was artificial.
And, if it was, that would mean there is some other Seeker out there somewhere who was the actual sister he was looking for. And if she was out there, I wondered if I'd ever meet her and what she was like.
I gusted some air through my systems as I watched the waves of the ocean move onto the sand in the early morning light. Then my wings shifted as I picked up an energy.
I shifted smoothly to the side to avoid a sudden touch by Solarcharge, surprised I had not noticed him until he was practically on top of me. I gave him a look of suspicion and bit back a frown. I faced him fully, keeping enough distance between us that I could tell if he tried anything in enough time to react.
"Don't sneak up on me like that," I admonished, thinking back to the previous night. He'd shown up at the lounge when I was just finishing up my energon with the bots I'd met.
Apparently he'd convinced Ironhide to give him a tour of the base and the lounge had been closest for dinner at the point he brought it up. I didn't entirely buy that it wasn't on purpose. It was a little convenient if you asked me. But it could easily have been coincidence just as much as on purpose. How could he have known I was there? Unless he'd hacked the security cameras? We had no bond for him to track me with, after all.
"My apologies," Solarcharge said. "It was not my intention to sneak."
Then why were you hiding from my sensors? I asked in my mind, helm feathers shifting. And why did it feel like you were preparing portal energy?
"Just don't do it again," I said tightly.
Solarcharge dipped his helm slightly to me in understanding, though his expression was rather unreadable. "I merely wished to speak to you," he said. "Get to know my sister after all this time."
I narrowed my optics behind my visor. My internal alarms were blaring at me that he was lying to my face. Covering something up. I knew portal energy when I felt it by now. I had used my portals and gone through enough Ground Bridges to be intimately familiar with the feel of them.
"Huh-uh," I said instead of calling him out as my spark felt no small amount of fear. We were alone out here, after all. I had no idea what his true intention had been. Wasn't he supposed to have someone with him at all times? "Did you come out alone?"
"I'm not alone," Solarcharge pointed out. "You are with me."
"You know what I mean," I said, frowning as I commed Prowl, knowing he would be awake.
Solarcharge sighed. "Is it so surprising that I would want some one on one time with my sister?"
"I suppose not," I conceded as Prowl responded and assured me that he was sending Inferno out to join us. I sent back a grateful reply before signing off. "But you are here with specific guidelines not to go anywhere alone and you broke those to come here by yourself. I would suggest not doing so again."
Solarcharge's expression didn't change, but one of his wings did make a small motion that one could interpret as irritated. "Are you not enough of a guard?"
I shifted one of my own wings. "That's not what I said," I said, getting irritated. "It's a long way from the guest quarters to here. And I would've noticed if you had portalled over here. Which you shouldn't be portaling around base by yourself either."
Solarcharge seemed to consider me for a long moment.
"How did you even know where to find me?" I asked, helm feathers shifting backwards.
"Some bots mentioned you like the beach," Solarcharge said vaguely.
"Hmm," I hummed, trying not to let him see just how much I didn't believe him.
Inferno showed up then, saving either of us from any other line of questioning. I was relieved to see the taller mech—the mech was a bit taller than Ironhide. I hadn't met him yet, but I knew he was Firestar's sparkmate so I knew he was at least friendly and reliable.
"I have training to get to," I said as soon as I was confident Inferno would handle Solarcharge from here. "I'll see you mechs later."
"Indeed," Solarcharge said.
"May the AllSpark light your day," Inferno said, holding his hand out to me.
I smiled at the benediction and pressed my hand against his. I hadn't done this hand thing with many bots yet, so used to shaking hands that I offered it before it was even offered to me, but I found I quite liked it.
"And yours, Inferno," I told the mech softly.
Then I transformed and flew off in the direction of the training field.
I blocked Sunstreaker's strike smoothly and immediately moved into an offensive strike that forced him to take a step back as he defended against it.
"There you go," Sunstreaker said, smirking. "Keep that momentum up and you could get your opponent backed into a corner."
I grinned, gusting air heavily through my systems as they struggled to keep up.
"We'll call it there for now, though," he said, sliding his practice sword away and then sliding it into his subspace.
I wanted to argue—we hadn't been at it as long as normal even if we had gone a little harder than normal. The lesson had been learned that time I'd argued with Elita, however, and I could feel that my frame was just done with the training. So I subspaced my own training sword.
"You did well today," Sunstreaker said. "I can tell you are practicing on your own as well." He motioned me to follow him and we started walking the border of the training ground to cool our frames.
"Yeah, well, with the end of the world on the horizon, gotta make sure I'm better prepared," I said, wings twitching.
Sunstreaker frowned at me. "How are things going with that new mech? Sideswipe tells me he's your brother?"
My wings shifted, wondering how Sideswipe had even found out so fast. "Seems like it," I said. I crossed my arms. "He's…something. I can't tell what, but something. He keeps just showing up wherever I am. It's starting to unnerve me. Especially this morning. He snuck up on me and it felt like he was building up to open a portal and that was the only reason I realized he was there. I usually can tell when someone is behind me."
"That is concerning," Sunstreaker frowned, glancing at my wings. "Those wings of yours are almost more sensitive to energies than a Praxian's. To sneak up on you takes a tremendous amount of skill."
"And brings up the question of why, especially paired with the intent of opening a portal," I said. "He came to the beach alone, too, which he's not supposed to be doing. I had to comm Prowl and he sent Inferno over so I could leave. I had time before our session, but I still used it as an out." I sighed heavily.
"I don't blame you," Sunstreaker said, narrowing his optics. "Did he say anything about what he wanted?"
"Said he just wanted to talk to his sister one on one, but I don't feel like that's the honest answer," I said, feeling frustrated. "I hate feeling this way about an apparent brother, but I know better than anyone that just a CNA relation is not enough to keep people from wronging people and I don't know him or anything about him." I huffed. "I mean, I know you and I have disagreed on Drift and I understand why, but I had information about the mech and now I know him enough to feel solid enough to say the information was accurate. I know nothing about Solarcharge from any outside sources. And my intuition is screaming at me to turn and run, duck around corners and take the long way to avoid him, that kind of thing. And I'm not typically the type to hide from that which I find scary."
Sunstreaker chuckled. "You aren't," he agreed, recalling our encounter in the showers. "You just let yourself get beat up."
"I didn't let you beat me up because I feared you, I did that cause I didn't wanna hurt you if my fighting instincts took over," I said. "I faced Ser-ket multiple times and she's perhaps who I fear most next to Shockwave. Even Megatron, who also terrifies me, pales next to her in fear factor. I would defy all of them to my dying breath. My point is, my first instinct is not to run away, it's to fight. There's a particular kind of unnerving Solarcharge is dinging off my intuition and I don't like it."
"Hmm, I see," Sunstreaker said and nudged me slightly.
I looked at him and he motioned with his helm. I looked toward where he indicated and felt my energon lines go cold. Distantly, out of audial range luckily, was Solarcharge walking around a corner with Inferno looking annoyed—clearly having been pestered into going this way.
I made a noise. "I would ask how he knew I was here, but I know the answer this time. Plus, there's a small chance he's not here to stalk me this time."
Sunstreaker made a face. "I'm guessing he is," he said, eyeing the mech as he looked right at us. "My advice? Don't let yourself be caught alone with him again."
"I don't plan to," I said. "He's not allowed to wander the base by himself anyways."
"Good," Sunstreaker said. He paused. "Did you have breakfast this morning?"
"Yeah, why?" I asked.
"You just look a little sluggish still," Sunstreaker said. "Your systems are taking longer to recover than normal."
"I'd noticed, too," I said. "I haven't been sleeping well. I think it's catching up to me. I'm going to talk to Ratchet about it, I think. It's coming to a point where I need to do something about it. And I don't think running myself to complete exhaustion is a good idea right now."
"It's never really a good idea," Sunstreaker pointed out.
"Fair, but it's a tactic for resetting the ol' circadian rhythm." I said.
Sunstreaker rolled his optics. "Let's get you to Ratchet," he said. "He'll be glad to see you anyways."
"Fine by me," I said, glancing to see Inferno prodding Solarcharge into a different direction, possibly at Sunstreaker's request.
"It's probably best for you to stay with someone at all times while he is here as well," Sunstreaker said. "I know you live in your own quarters now, but I would suggest seeing if one of the bonded pairs or femmes will let you bunk with them."
"I could always hurt myself and bunk in medbay again," I joked.
Sunstreaker shot me a dry look.
"I could also just portal over and pick up a fellow morning bot in the mornings before leaving my quarters," I compromised. "I won't adjust to having my own quarters if I just run from them at a small sign of danger, Sunstreaker. It's counterintuitive. I'll set up measures within it to make sure I am safe within them. If you really don't think I am safe alone, I could always invite someone to bunk with me."
Sunstreaker sighed at that. "I suppose," he said.
"I'll ask Red Alert to help," I said. "I hear he's one of the mechs who arrived with Ultra Magnus. I haven't met him yet, but he's well known for being paranoid and well versed in security."
Sunstreaker grunted. "Ok," he said, relaxing. "That's an acceptable course of action."
Ironhide stepped out of the Ground Bridge and looked out toward the direction of the coordinates provided. He sighed.
"Why'd it have to be in the ocean?" He asked.
"Look on the brightside," Jazz said, grinning. "At least you can have company!"
Ironhide shot the smaller mech a dry look—the driest thing about this mission.
Jazz chuckled at the black mech's ire, greatly amused by Ironhide's aversion to water.
The two mechs walked toward the shoreline and came to a stop just before the water reached their pedes.
"Shadebreaker would've loved this one," Jazz commented.
"Mhm," Ironhide hummed in agreement.
He regretted that their one bot who absolutely adored the ocean was not here to join them. She was busy with her usual training and would also need to do some training with Solarcharge today. It would've made delving into the water a bit more bearable to watch the joy in his pupil's face as they moved through the water.
"You ready?" Jazz asked.
"As ready I can be to get rusted," Ironhide said grouchily.
"It won't be that bad," Jazz said.
Ironhide huffed.
They stepped into the water then, disappearing under the surface before long. It was cold, despite the warm climate they were in, but not so cold their frames couldn't handle it. They came to a drop off before they reached the coordinates and they looked down to see how far it went.
Sharing a look with Jazz first, Ironhide lowered himself over the edge to climb down carefully. He chose his handholds carefully, not wanting to damage the delicate ecosystem more than necessary. This part, he knew, Shadebreaker wouldn't have liked.
Eventually they found the bottom. And their destination, not far from it. There was just enough sunlight reaching down here for them to make it out without turning their flashlights on.
Ironhide moved toward the structure and searched it until he found the rune that caused the entrance to open up for them. Water rushed inside, pulling sea life and debris with it, as they entered.
They made their way through the structure with the current, fighting a bit to stay on their pedes. It wasn't too difficult, but the current was just enough that they had to brace their pedes with each step so it wouldn't be swept forward.
Eventually the current calmed as the water pressure evened out and they could make their way more easily through the halls. They came to a room with a mural, pretty standard for these locations it seemed like, and Ironhide began searching for the rune that allow them to progress.
When the way opened, it was a less standard hallway. It was, in fact, a stairway that led up and out of the water. Ironhide was grateful to be out of the water, though he longed for a towel and the warmth of Chromia's embrace. His sensors gave him all kinds of warnings about things that had found their way into the crevices of his armor.
It was very unpleasant.
It didn't help that Jazz was there laughing softly at him.
"Laugh it up, mech," Ironhide grouched, flinging a piece of seaweed at him.
Ironhide moved further up the stairs without pausing to see if the seaweed made contact or not. His optics followed the images that decorated the walls of the stairway. These ones seemed to depict a different kind of enemy than the others had.
"What do you make of these images?" He asked Jazz.
"It looks like more than just mini-crons are going to be involved on our opposing side," Jazz said, having noticed them as well. "I'm taking pictures for the others back home."
"Perhaps Shadebreaker will know what they are." Ironhide muttered, looking at the odd creature.
"And, if not, her brother probably will," Jazz said.
Ironhide grunted. He had some thoughts about Solarcharge, but decided to keep them to himself for now. They had too little information about him to know anything for certain. Regardless, Jazz was probably right. Solarcharge would probably know exactly what they were depicting. And what mattered was that they were properly prepared to stop the World Eater.
At the top of the staircase the space opened into a room similar to the one they'd found Chromia's Shard within. The mural inside had more of those new kinds of enemies, swarming above the depicted bots in droves and surrounding what looked like a stylized depiction of a spark chamber. Almost like it was a defensive system within a mech. It was an unnerving thought.
"I'll call base for a Ground Bridge," Jazz said as Ironhide gazed around at the mural. "At least this room is mostly free of water so we don't have to go back into the ocean."
Ironhide grunted in agreement, eyeing the ring of water that went along the borders of the room. The flow in the water revealed the purpose of the moat was to divert water that made its way into the room back out. He was grateful for the builder's foresight about it as he stepped up to the pedestal that held the Shard upon it. He reached out and took hold of it, pausing a moment to make sure nothing was going to happen before turning away as a Ground Bridge opened.
"Let's go home and get dried off," Ironhide grouched, walking toward the portal.
"Agreed," Jazz said, still clearly amused by how much Ironhide didn't like water.
"Focus your energy and will into your EM field," Solarcharge directed as I sat across from him with legs crossed next to Chromia. "And push your EM field toward the Shard."
I shifted a wing in confusion, frowning as I contemplated his words. I knew a bit about EM fields—that it was the energy I sensed flowing between bots that my wings were sensitive to. I knew they could also be affected by the emotions of the bot emitting them. It was very similar to the same fields talked about by some of the proponents of Conscious Discipline that existed between humans. Except Cybertronians were much more sensitive to and aware of the field. And due to the inherent differences, Cybertronian EM fields were also on a different wavelength that humans didn't seem to pick up at all. I didn't know how to actively manipulate it, however, besides regulating my emotions.
I paused my thoughts and glanced over as Chromia's Shard lifted from the ground a little and then moved through the air to hover by hands.
"Huh," Chromia said. "This is actually not that complicated. Interesting. Can anyone do this?"
Solarcharge shook his helm. "Only select bots are ever born with the ability to interact with these Shards," he said. "Someone in your ancestry must be connected to the original wielder of the Shard. And another Shard wielder would not be able to wield your Shard."
I frowned. "So, theoretically," I said. "If it has to do with genetics… does that mean you and I could command each other's Shard if necessary?"
Solarcharge frowned. "Theoretically," he said. "But it might be difficult to pull off what we need to do, given our Shards will need to be placed too far away from each other for one of us to place both simultaneously and our time window will be short once the first one is placed. But, given we have our portals, we could do it if absolutely necessary."
"Ah," I said, staring down at my Shard with narrowed optics.
"What's your concern, fembot?" Chromia asked.
I looked up at her, looking a bit sheepish. "While I know about EM fields, I haven't learned how to actively affect them at all," I said. "I mean, I know my emotions affect my EM field and thus I affect it whenever I regulate those, but, like…I've felt a few of you brush your EM fields against mine…I wasn't even sure if it was intentional or not. It didn't really strike me as something important to learn as of yet and there's been so much that I had not made it to it on my list of things." I pulled my wings in close, feeling the need to make myself small to avoid trouble.
"Ah, well, that makes sense," Chromia said. "Given everything going on, it does seem like a rather minor thing, doesn't it? Except now it's important to know."
"We can teach you that," Solarcharge reassured, starting to reach out, but then just flipping his hand palm up. "I suppose it makes sense that is something you would have to learn, growing up for so long as a human without any memory of your pre-human days."
My wings shifted as I frowned. "That's the second time you've mentioned me having pre-human days," I said uncertainly, still not entirely sure whether I believed him about it. "How…old was I when our father…'hid' me as a human?"
Solarcharge gazed at me for a moment. "From my understanding, you were still a sparkling," he said. "I don't know all the details. Obviously, there must be more to the story to explain you being an adult if you only lived the typical human lifespan."
"I lived about 32 years, to my knowledge," I said. "And I've been Cybertronian for…roughly…" I paused to calculate, muttering about my time with the bots being just over a year and a half then adding that to the time Ratchet thought my frame said it had spent being abused by Shockwave's experiments. "5 years, give or take. The time frame might be off by a few months to a couple years. Time is hard to keep track of."
Solarcharge frowned and for a moment I thought he might press me for how I could be so unsure. "Add on the years you spent as a Cybertronian sparkling, you'd still only just be a youngling—a few years from your first transformation," he said, thankfully not prying into it. "We would have to ask our father more to find out why it appears you are much older than that."
"Yeah, cause according to Ratchet, my frame concurs with my mind that I'm an adult in the same relative age group as him," I said. "Younger, but not by a degree our relationship would be considered…weird..by Cybertronian standards at least."
Solarcharge tilted his helm, blinking. "You asked him about it?" There was a mild sense of disapproval I could sense from his field and tone.
"I was curious how my human age ended up translating into Cybertronian age with my change," I said, resisting the urge to snap defensively. Not to mention there was part of me that felt concern about if our relationship was weird or questionable. "I'd assumed it had to do with…how it happened. I mean, if I had returned to Cybertronian as a youngling, it'd be pretty strange running around as a kid with an adult mind for all intents and purposes. Humans mature a lot faster than Cybertronians." But, also, I doubted Shockwave would have wanted a little sparkling running around his lab.
"That's fair. And it is possible that the way it happened did affect your bodily age," Solarcharge said. "Without knowing how that came to be, I cannot say. It could also have to do with the original actions our father took."
My wings shifted and then I shook my helm. "All we can do right now is theorize," I said. "I'd rather focus on our task at hand than dwell on a missed childhood."
"Very well," Solarcharge said. "It is not vastly different from how you activate your portals. You just have to identify your EM field internally so you can read and control what it is outputting. Also not a lot different from how one might direct emotions through spark bonds."
"Hm," I hummed thoughtfully. Then I turned my attention inward, mentally searching for some sign of something to control the EM fields. Was it a feeling? Was it a program? Was it in the spark? Spark felt right, so I focused there, familiar with it from practicing with my friendship bonds. I felt those clearly, having grown used to their presence and how they worked. It was another moment before I noticed the energy that emitted from my spark around those bonds.
"Oh," I said as something clicked in my processor.
I felt Chromia's amusement over our friendship bond and it rippled into my EM field from that as well as her EM field where she sat next to me. Experimentally, I tried brushing her EM field with mine, directing some of the sheepishness I felt into it like I did sometimes with emotions and feelings through the bonds. Hers pushed back with a feeling of praise and encouragement.
I looked down at the Shard that sat on the ground in front of me. I focused on extending my EM field out toward the Shard, kinda like how I reached out through my bonds but focusing entirely on my EM field. I tried to put some intent behind it to tell the Shard to float, but nothing happened.
"It may not come as easily to you since you didn't grow up with this whole EM field stuff," Chromia said as she sensed my feelings of discouragement over our bond.
I sighed, wings lowering.
"Chromia is right," Solarcharge said. "Developmentally, you wouldn't have been at the stage of being able to manipulate your EM field for some time before the entire ability would've been placed outside your grasp. Even if you had retained it, you had no one to explain it to you or guide you. It takes years for this to be second nature to bots."
"We don't have years," I said in frustration, rubbing at my knee nervously.
"You're right, we don't," Solarcharge said patiently. "But what we do have is a base full of bots perfectly capable of helping you figure it out. You have step one figured out. I felt your shift in your EM field when you brushed Chromia's with it. It spread out all around you rather than being fully directed—you don't have full control. That will come with practice and focus. We still have time. You don't have to have it mastered today."
"How much more past what Chromia has accomplished is there to learn, though?" I asked, wings shifting anxiously.
"There is more, but don't focus on that," Solarcharge said. "You need to focus on where you are."
I huffed a little, feeling inadequate and like failing my fellow bots was inevitable. It always felt like things pertaining to taking something I felt inwardly and projecting it outwardly was something I just couldn't do. The whole Wishing Well exercise from learning Conscious Discipline was something I had failed to do. At least during the trainings. One could argue I did it just fine at times other times, though not always, not when I was stressed because my job had been threatened over something stupid. There had been plenty of times I had done just what Wishing Well was meant to accomplish, even if it never felt clear to me if the actual method was a factor or if it was purely the words and physical actions. While I was a strong defender of Conscious Discipline, it did not feel as if every aspect of it was something everyone could use consciously.
"Hey," Chromia said, placing a hand on my shoulder. "We're just getting started. Be patient with yourself. We've all had a lifetime of practice affecting our EM fields. You just learned that you could. Sure, there's a time crunch, but I believe you can do it."
"Ok," I said, not sure I wanted to voice my doubts in front of Solarcharge. Not yet. "One step at a time. Just like everything else."
"Exactly," Chromia said.
"But faster," I added.
Chromia gave me a long-suffering look.
"I can't take four months plus to get it down," I pointed out.
"Fair," Chromia said dryly.
Solarcharge frowned. "We will focus on honing your skills with your EM field today," he said. "And I will speak with Prowl about adjusting the training schedule to account for this. I need to teach the others the next step regardless of where you are after today and you will need someone to focus on helping you learn basic EM field manipulation."
I made a face. "I'm sure any one of the bots would be willing to help me with it so you can focus on the next steps," I said.
"I'm sure Elita will be willing to help you," Chromia said. "Or Jazz. Prowl even."
I nodded. "Any one of them I am comfortable with," I said. "Though anyone who has free time in their schedule would be fine."
Solarcharge nodded to that. "That would be helpful," he said, though he looked regretful. "I will check on your progress and as soon as you are ready, I will teach you the next steps as well."
"Very well," I said. "Let us practice, then."
"They're Unicron's antibodies," Solarcharge said after looking at the pictures Jazz brought up of the murals they had found in the structure where Ironhide's Shard was found.
"So we're going inside Unicron, eh? Fun times," Shadebreaker said dryly, not looking surprised at all.
"You don't look surprised," Ultra Magnus observed.
"One of the other realities I mentioned involved doing such," she replied, shrugging. "I was kinda expecting it. It's not going to be a pleasant trip."
"Indeed," Solarcharge said. "There are specific locations we will need to place and activate our Shards to force Unicron back into slumber. And then we'll need to enter the Spark Chamber to trap his spark within the containment device your scientists are creating. What is the progress on that?"
"Elita and Wheelljack are currently in negotiations for the materials they need," Optimus replied. "Once acquired it is projected to be complete in around a month and a half."
"Hm," Solarcharge hummed. "Very well, that is within our allotted timeframe. Provided everyone can find and master their Shards by then, we should be able to take care of Unicron before he becomes too big of a threat."
Shadebreaker's wings shifted slightly.
"Prowl, I will need to go over training schedules with you again as a snag has come up with one of our Shard wielders," Solarcharge said, being nonspecific.
Prowl nodded with a frown. "I understand," he said. "We can discuss that once this meeting is concluded."
"Will this snag affect our ability to meet our timeframe?" Ultra Magnus asked.
"That entirely depends upons how fast the wielder can catch up to speed," Solarcharge said. "But with concentrated focus on it, it should be no problem."
Ultra Magnus nodded, accepting this answer.
The meeting moved on then to Solarcharge going into more detail on what the murals were all depicting and the exact actions they would have to take when the time came. They would go over it all again, of course, but it was good to have an idea of what they were working toward.
Time passed. Shards were found. As the others practiced with them and came closer to mastering them, I struggled with mastering EM field manipulation. Unlike other periods of time, I was vividly aware of the time passing as I struggled with it as a few different bots tried to help me figure out how to focus my control over my field.
A month had passed and I was feeling stressed about it one afternoon after training with it with Arcee. In an effort to help me relax she took me to the pub and we sat at the bar where I sat down with a heavy sigh and ordered an energon with what I had determined to be my favorite metallic flavorings so far.
"I just don't understand why manipulating my EM field is so hard for me," I said in frustration to her as Mirage served us our respective energons.
"It's because you're a beast former," Mirage said in a matter-of-fact tone. As if it should be the most obvious thing in the world.
"Pardon?" I asked, not sure if I should be offended or not, but feeling a bit so.
Mirage glanced at Arcee, but she seemed neutral so far herself, so he looked back at me as he started cleaning an empty cube. "You're a beast former. A lesser frame type. You do not have the higher functions the rest of us have. You are likely unable to focus the direction of your EM field. Otherwise you could do so by now."
I blinked at him. "Oh, you're not insightful, you're just racist," I said. "Should I even trust this energon?"
Mirage glared. "I would not sully my title by poisoning energon," he said.
"You sully your insignia with your racism," I shot back. I pushed my cube back toward him. "Keep that, I'll get my own energon."
"Whatever, I don't need to listen or serve a Con-symp monster," Mirage said with a non-chalant tone.
Something old—cold, dark and angry—filled my very being at that word. At monster. I closed my optics, clenching my hands into fists as I clamped walls tightly around my spark and my EM field as best I could.
"Alright you," Arcee said, standing up with a loud slap to the counter. "You do not get to talk to Shade' that way. You have any idea what she has done to help us?"
"It doesn't change what she is," Mirage said coldly.
Arcee snarled.
I put my hand on her shoulder. "A fight is not going to help anything, Arcee," I said quietly.
"I'm not letting this go, Mirage," Arcee said in warning tones.
Mirage shrugged and turned away.
Arcee let me pull her away, but I suspected if I hadn't she might've jumped the counter to fight him. I appreciated the thought, but I wasn't up for getting in trouble for a fight. Even a warranted one. I wasn't up for defending the case for sticking up for myself after the stress of my struggles to meet expectations.
I didn't let Arcee go until we were outside and she pulled her arm from me.
"You should've let me deck him," Arcee said hotly.
"And what would that accomplish?" I asked. "I'm too stressed to add on assault charges to deal with."
Arcee huffed as we walked down the road, toward the lounges. "Fine, but he's not getting away with it."
"Of course not," I said. "Prowl will hear of it. At the very least."
"How are you so calm?"
"I'm not," I replied shortly, letting some of my emotions slip past the walls I had slammed around my spark and through our bond.
"You want to hit the practice field?" Arcee offered.
"We still need lunch," I reminded.
"We can get lunch after," Arcee said.
"Very well," I said.
"Ow," I complained as Ratchet worked on repairing my dislocated wings a couple hours later.
"Hold still," Ratchet ordered.
"I'm trying," I said.
Ratchet huffed. "I'm almost afraid to ask how you managed to dislocate your wing so badly," he said, sounding annoyed.
"We were probably just fighting much too roughly," I said, rubbing my helm sheepishly as I tried to ignore the pain the meds were not handling for me.
"An understatement," Arcee admitted, cradling her wrist as she waited to be seen herself. She was also favoring her left leg.
Ratchet tsked at us, shaking his helm. "I don't suppose it has to do with why you've blocked your emotions off from your bonds," he said, slight rebuke in his tone. I was not usually one to hide my emotions and I could sense his worry.
"Ermmm," I said, looking at Arcee as she winced in sympathy. "Yeah. Just a number of stressful things piling up. And then Mirage said some things that really didn't help."
Ratchet hummed and I felt a sense of protectiveness over our bond. "What'd he say?"
"Just some racist slag," I said, shrugging my wing he wasn't working on.
"You gonna be more specific?" Ratchet asked gruffly.
Arcee frowned as I tilted my helm.
"It doesn't matter that much," I said. "I will simply avoid him from now on and tell Prowl about it. I do not wish to add dealing with it to my plate right now. Figuring out how to sort out what I need to do to deal with Unicron is more important."
I could tell Ratchet was not happy with this stance. Neither was Arcee—especially not Arcee, as she knew what Mirage had said.
"If it becomes more of a problem then I will act accordingly," I assured them. "But dealing with Unicron is more important right now. I have enough stress trying to master my EM field in time to also master my Shard."
Ratchet sighed. "Still struggling with that, huh?"
"Yeah," I said with a sigh.
"Hm," Ratchet hummed in thought. Then he switched to comms. .:I think I know who might be able to help. You have to promise to keep a secret for him, however.:.
.:Of course! Always!:. I returned, feeling curious and confused.
.:Great. Meet me at the secondary lounge tonight at 10pm. Alone.:.
.:Ok.:.
I wondered at the secrecy of it.
That night I quietly slipped out of my quarters after taking a late dinner to account for being up late on purpose. I had taken a nap between my afternoon training session with Springer and Firestar—which had to be restricted to lighter work physically and EM field attempts—and said meal as well. I had no way of knowing how long this late night rendezvous was going to take.
I would've portalled, but the need for secrecy led me to taking to flying to the lesser used lounge instead. Portalling would call attention from security and I didn't know if the bot in charge of the station should be made aware of this meeting by doing such at all. If they knew anything about whatever secret I was about to be let in on that clearly Arcee didn't know.
I landed outside the lounge and checked for spark signatures and lifesigns around me. The only ones I picked up were inside already. Ratchet, who I was expecting, and one other, who I suspected was the mech whose secret I was about to learn. A mech I knew.
Ultra Magnus.
What secret could Ultra Magnus have? Was it one I knew? I thought of the Lost Light comics and the secret he held in them. When had Minimus become Ultra Magnus? How many bots from that comic were going to show up?
And, if he was Minimus, why was he the mech Ratchet thought might be able to help me?
After confirming the two inside were the only other bots present within distance to detect me, I transformed into my bipedal mode and knocked on the door. I waited a couple beats and glanced around with a frown before the door opened and Ratchet was pulling me in.
"Were you followed?" He asked.
"No," I said, glancing up at Ultra Magnus. "Though I'm not sure I follow why there's a need for such secrecy. None of us are the type to break laws here."
Ratchet chuckled slightly at my logic, shaking his helm. "What you are about to learn is sensitive information that some bots might use against Ultra Magnus here," he said. "You got a taste of how some feel about beast formers from what you said."
I frowned, bowing my helm. "As much as I don't understand it," I said dryly. I frowned up at Ultra Magnus, optics taking in his frame. "Though I'm afraid none of my information tells me why that is relevant to you, sir."
Ultra Magnus sighed, then looked at Ratchet with a doubtful look.
Ratchet returned that look with one of encouragement.
The larger mech looked back at me with that same hesitant look in his expression. "I am not the mech you think I am."
"Hm," I hummed thoughtfully. I tilted my helm, shifting a wing curiously.
"I suspect you may have some idea from what I have been told," he continued. "But the mech known as Ultra Magnus actually perished a long time ago. I am merely a stand-in."
"Hmm," I hummed again. "I do have some idea, you are correct. Though the relevancy to my struggles with controlling my EM field escapes me. The reality I know in which this was the case, wherein Ultra Magnus perished and subsequently was replaced by a series of bots with the capabilities of bearing the Magnus armor, none of the information I know of the bots makes this relevant to this struggle." I paused a moment. "Unless Dominus was naturally a turbofox alt mode, I suppose." I muttered at the end, finger over my lip. "Which means it would stand to reason Minimus might also be, even though his alt was never talked about…" I regretted never looking it up in that moment.
Ultra Magnus blinked and then sighed. "I see," he said. "You do have information about me."
I looked back up at him as he shifted. Then his optics grew dark as the armor shifted strangely and clasps I had not noticed opened. The armor opened and after a moment a smaller mech climbed out. A much smaller mech. Once he was out and standing before me, it was he that was looking up at me with red optics.
He looked much like the comic book Minimus, yet different as well. There was more evidence of his alt mode on his frame in this reality—including, but not limited to, a bushy looking metallic tail. It was the main difference, the rest being a lot more subtle.
"My name is Minimus Ambus, of the House of Ambus," the mech properly introduced himself. "Latest bearer in a long line of bearers of the Magnus armor."
I nodded, not helping the slight grin on my face as I reached a hand out to him. "Nice to properly meet you, Minimus," I greeted him. "Your secret is safe with me as long as you wish it to remain so."
"I do appreciate it," he said, taking my hand firmly in his smaller green and white one. "And to answer your question of the relevancy to your struggles, I do indeed have a turbofox as my alt mode. Like you, I am a beast former. And I had similar struggles when I was first learning how to manipulate my EM field. Ordinarily, it wouldn't be a problem to let you take your time to sort it out, but given our circumstances…"
"I need to figure it out," I nodded in agreement. "So Mirage wasn't entirely wrong. My frame type is a barrier."
Minimus frowned. "What, exactly, did Mirage say?"
My wings shifted and I ducked my helm. "Are you sure you want to know? It's pretty racist and harsh."
"I should know, so I know how to act," he replied. "It is not ok for him to treat you poorly for your frame type."
My wings shifted and I glanced at his dormant Magnus armor for a moment before looking back at him. I sighed and then told him exactly how my visit to the pub had gone.
"That slagger," Ratchet said as Minimus frowned deeply. "I'll have to give him an attitude adjustment at his next physical. You have all the same functions the rest of us have. Your type of alt mode doesn't change that."
I ducked my helm slightly. "I know that," I said. "His ignorance is his own problem."
"If he knew who you were, he would not dare say anything like that," Minimus said.
"It shouldn't take my parentage for him to treat me like a bot," I argued, not looking at the smaller mech in front of me. "Just like it shouldn't take your Magnus armor for him to take you seriously." I could feel that cold, dark anger bubbling under the surface again and clamped my walls down tight to block it from perception. They did not need to see that side of me.
"While I agree, some bots are steeply ingrained in their prejudices," Minimus said. "There's a reason I hide my beast mode."
I sighed at that. "And I choose to keep my parentage a secret for my own reasons. The bots who know at this point are all the bots I feel should know. Mirage has no reason to know. He is not my friend nor my commanding officer."
Minimus nodded his understanding.
"That all aside, while our frame type does mean EM field manipulation is inherently trickier to sort out for us, it is not impossible," Minimus told me. "It is merely a bit different than it is for most bots. It requires a bit of a different approach."
"Oh? So I'm not inept, I'm just approaching it the wrong way?" I asked, feeling an immense amount of relief overshadow my feelings of anger.
"No, you are not inept," Minimus reassured me, reaching out a hand and lightly touching my arm. "I am sorry you have felt that way."
I sighed heavily. "It's not the first time I have struggled with something like this," I admitted quietly. "And people once in my life definitely made me feel inept because I could not do things exactly the same way they could."
"They were wrong to make you feel that way," Minimus told me.
"Indeed," Ratchet said, placing his hand on my shoulder. "There is never only one way to accomplish something. Just because you could not do something exactly their way doesn't mean you couldn't have done it."
"Thank you," I said quietly, feeling a lot of emotions welling up inside me. "That really means a lot to me to hear. It is something I have struggled with a lot since then."
Ratchet rubbed my shoulder. "I must return to medbay," he said. "A couple bots are in medbay and I can't leave them unsupervised for too long."
"Alright," I said. "I'll see you tomorrow then."
"Mhm," Ratchet hummed. He gave me a quick peck on the cheek, which I returned before he left.
"Shall we get started?" Minimus asked when I turned toward him.
"Yes," I said, thankful to not dwell on the previous topic, and then followed him to the couches.
We sat on the couches facing each other. He walked me through his process of manipulating his EM field and then gave me a moment to try it myself. We sat there for some time practicing, trading back and forth as we described to each other how it felt as best we each could.
It was an interesting exercise not just in understanding my own functions regarding my EM field, but also in regards to understanding Minimus Ambus. At the end of the session I had finally managed to specifically direct my EM field toward his and not just outward in general.
Minimus looked at me with clear pride on his face. "Good," he said. "You are a fast learner once you have proper guidance. Not that the other bots didn't try, but they would not have known this difference in how to approach it."
I grinned sheepishly. "All this time I thought I was just bad at it and would never be able to do it," I said. "It was just a matter of being different." I shook my helm. "Go figure."
Minimus chuckled lightly. "Just don't go telling bots the reasons for the difference or you may give me away."
"Or just completely baffle and confuse them," I said. "Don't worry, Minimus. I said your secret is safe with me and I meant that."
"You have my gratitude," Minimus bowed his helm. "Most bots do not even know I am not really Ultra Magnus. Counting you now, that makes five bots on base who know who and what I am."
"May I ask who else knows? So I know I don't accidentally say anything around someone who doesn't?"
"Besides you and Ratchet, only Optimus, Elita and Prowl are aware of my true identity," Minimus revealed.
I shifted in surprise. None of those bots had arrived with him. "None of your crew you've been traveling with know at all?" I asked, surprise clear in my tone.
Minimus shook his helm. "There was never a need for any of them to know," he said. "And I would not say I am close to any of them either. I am not really close to very many bots at all."
"I can understand that," I said, frowning. Some things just didn't need sharing with everyone. Who was I to judge him hiding his beast mode and House?
"Do you have your Shard with you?" Minimus asked.
"I do," I said, pulling the object from subspace.
"Let us practice with it, then," Minimus said. "Wheeljack And Perceptor are almost done constructing the device to contain Unicron's spark. We don't have a great deal of time to catch you up with the rest of us. While we have another two months before Unicron fully awakens, it is ideal that we handle it before then."
My wings made a stressed movement. "Right," I said and then gusted air through my systems. I tried to ignore the inner voice in my helm calling me the weak link. Those thoughts would not help me. I was a quick learner when given direction and given proper tools and allowed to grow. I would have figured out the EM field in time, we just didn't have the time for me to take the usual years it took bots to master it. That was why Minimus had intervened to walk me through it so thoroughly. He could do that here too most likely. It would be fine. It just had to function, not be perfect.
"Don't stress too much," Minimus said. "This first step is the hardest step. Now that you can handle it, the rest should be pretty simple."
"That's good to know," I said quietly, turning the Shard over in my hands. "But we still don't know that I have the first step. Directing an EM field specifically toward you is one thing. Using it to make this thing float as if I'm using the Force is another."
"Let us try it, then," Minimus motioned for me to go ahead and do so.
I made a face and then sat the Shard down on the table between the couches. Then I sat back and focused in on my EM field, moving my hands in toward each other and then out toward the Shard as I concentrated on it. The Shard shifted a little, lifting a touch off the table…
And then it fell back onto it.
The disappointment made my concentration pop and it stopped moving all together and I sighed. I dropped my helm into my hands. Of course I could figure out EM field manipulation and then still struggle with this step that seemed easy for the others to pick up immediately. At least this was the hardest step, right?
"Don't beat yourself up," Minimus said. "I did not get this on the first try either. Sideswipe did, but I didn't. I did, however, get the step after this one pretty quickly while the others seemed to struggle with it."
"And you think it has to do with our frame type," I said. "That it just changes which part is difficult."
Minimus nodded. "That's my theory at least, given the similarities so far in your struggles to my own," he said. "Let's keep at it. I am certain you can do it."
"I am pressing x to doubt, but I am also not giving up," I said and readied myself to keep trying.
Minimus's expression said clearly that he didn't understand my reference at all.
And I did keep trying. Well into the night. Minimus fell asleep on the couch across from me at some point, but I remained focused on my task at hand. I did not stop trying until my frame was too tired and I was passed out myself in the wee hours of the morning.